Monday, November 22, 2021

life goals...

Yesterday it was the sounds of Romper Room playing through my weary brain, today it is Simon & Garfunkel - "The Sound of Silence", oh not the whole song mind you... just the line "hello darkness my old friend...". 

Sweet Hubs had to be to work by 5:30 am, needed to make sure the HVAC system that he has spent the weekend babysitting is holding it's own.  We'd stayed up a bit later than usual enjoying some quality family time and both of us were afraid it would be the one time in the past couple of years that he would still be asleep at 4 am, so two alarms went off within moments of each other.  Waking up is so hard to do when you stay up too late. 

So he's off doing his work thing and I am sitting here feeling weary.  But the brain is awake and there is plenty to fill my hours, although a nap.... Nope!  I just made my weekly to do list, and it is long and distinguished. I will admit to accomplishing absolutely nothing yesterday.  Wait, nope again.  I most definitely did accomplish a lot, I spent the entire day knitting and watching random video's on YouTube and visiting with family and friends.  Frankly between the family, friends and working on "the project" it was an incredible day!!

The week of Thanksgiving is traditionally short and super long all at the same time.  This year, I am working on a week that is filled with balance.  I will get my chores done, but I am going to also take things slow.  I am creating new habits and traditions. The things I have conditioned myself to believe are not necessarily things that served me.  The manic race to have the picture perfect everything has rapidly become less important. 

What has become super important is time with loved ones.  I have really not had that for a very long time.  It was self-imposed, I had a career that felt important, obligations that felt constricting.  On this side of the coin, I truly mourn for the time that I didn't give for the important things in life. 

It has been a painful lesson to learn.  I will never get back the time I didn't spend when the kids were little.  I will never have a chance to build stronger bonds with some of my family and friends.  I will never be able to unwind the clock and spend more time with my Dad before he passed. I can't change it.  And while I do mourn it, I also have learned from it. 

I don't think twice about dropping everything and spending time with my family and friends.  I happily make breakfast and lunch dates.  I plan my life around making time now. I think we get caught up in all the should's that we miss the musts. 

I am a recovering workaholic.  I am a recovering believer that you had to make money to be successful.  There needs to be a 12 step program for everyone still trapped in that old mindset.  We don't need things, we need love and it's doesn't cost anything. And the return on investment is spectacular.  Sitting around the outdoor heater at my girls house last night, enjoying conversations, watching the littlest one find a way to engage with the adults. Watching Hubs deep in conversation while enjoying his cigar, with no thought to the time, even though he had to leave early to start his day.  All of these things add up to huge dividends. 

Will they put food on the table or a roof over your head?  Maybe not directly, you can't write a check for the mortgage based on those incredible feelings.  Yet, as the value of everyday life increases, so does your passion for living.  It's all about perspective, some bank accounts can't be measured in the traditional way. 

The world is in such a state of flux right now.  It's insane.  I firmly want to believe it is because the mess in 2020 had to happen.  That the world needed to change.  Mine didn't seriously start to shift until this year, I still remember toasting 2021 in with Hubs, claiming for the universe that this would be the best year ever.  Oddly, despite all of the ups and downs, it truly has been. 

I guess my dear friends what I am trying to say, is treasure the important moments.  Make sure your cup is always at least half full.  I know we all have to pay our bills and do the adult things, but take time to cherish those around you.  Pause for that cup of coffee, giggle filled walk, or even a serious talk with a loved one.  Because you never know the difference that could make... and not just to them. 

love and peace...

1 comment:

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play ...