ordinary days...

As the sun broke the horizon this morning Hubs thought we should take our babies to their favorite spot to run and play. My half awake self, took a final sip of my still pipping hot coffee and got in the car.  I can't say I was excited, I wasn't really awake.  But off we went.  Two tails wagging, two smiling puppy faces peaking out the windows, wind blowing their ears.  How could I possibly say no?

Besides, we needed to run over to Tilted Heads to pick up their new collars, I never did get by there yesterday.  As we pulled into the park they were losing their little minds, it's been too hot, we haven't taken them to run and play. It was mild this morning, cool enough, the sun was still tucked a bit below the trees so it was comfortable. 

As they ran like crazy, Belle chasing her flying disk to the point of exhaustion.  Beau his usual happy go lucky self, trotting around smelling the smells and chasing flying bugs. Me... well, I happened upon a huge patch of beautiful plantain.  My dehydrator had just stopped before we left, I knew I had room for another batch.  I love having a husband that walks back to the car to find a bag, never blinking an eye as I gather handfuls of beautiful, strong, fresh plantain.  Knowing that it will make the incredible salve that keeps his skin healthy and healed. He didn't roll his eyes, he didn't blink.  He understood.  

The pups played until they had no energy left and we headed out, the sun still not breaking the treetops, the softness of the morning, still enjoyable.  After stopping for their beautiful new collars and a fresh loaf of sourdough focaccia to add to dinner, we popped over to our favorite coffee shop for a hot cup of heaven.  I completely love the mom and pop's.  The families that are working hard to create a life they can be proud of at the end of each day.  I will always try to support them. 

Looking Sassy!

Mr. Debonair 

thank you Tilted Heads!

While at Rosemary Coffee Co. they had a huge wall hanging, unfortunately not for sale (although both shops have a plethora of items by local artisans for sale in the shops), that I desperately want.  It was a huge botanical ink drawing that said "weeds are simply flowers you haven't met yet".  I want that!  Well realistically, yes I want it, but I live in a home with limited full walls.  There is no place to hang it, so I will just enjoy the thought.  I was going to take a picture of it, just to cherish it, but I'd left my phone in the car with Hubs. 

plantain

dried plantain, not quite enough 

It's only the start of the day, but the plantain is dehydrating, the yard and garden are watered, the beef hearts are cut up and freezing, and the day is so incredibly hot the remainder of it will be spent inside. In the coolness, lights dimmed, fans circulating the cooled air.  

Hubs is engrossed in his movie, the intensity of it is too much for me today.  I can hear it, it sounds like it is one I would love, but not today.  Today, I feel a bit emotionally weary, no idea why.  And I can't watch a movie that will pull more of my emotions into play. 

I am heading up to sew, to work on that to do list.  To lose myself in creating.  I want to do a bit of wood working, but it is simply too hot to be in the garage, so fabric will do.  Next weekend will be much cooler, wood working can happen then. 

I am also deep in studying the healing properties of DMSO and the incredible powers of many of the items in my garden and yard. I have several tinctures that I am learning about now and will probably get started on very soon.  I have a deep distrust of so much in the world these days. Profound even.  For me the answers lie in the past, in knowledge that has been memory holed and forgotten.  So I will probably carve out more time to read my current book and learn more. 

The deer didn't eat it!
The smell is heavenly!

How are you spending your Saturday?  Lounging inside, outside in the heat, working, living, doing?  I can't just linger, I get stressed just sitting.  I feel a deep sense of unease when I do.  I need to be doing, even when in nature, I don't pause well.  Today is no exception. The knowing that I just committed to craft show next month is also driving me.  

much love, b

chaos lurking...

I didn't want to get up this morning.  I guess I should have listened to that internal voice.  The one that said, just rest a bit longer. That soft whisper that was saying you really need to simply not start today right now. Did I heed that voice, of course not.  My brain had already shifted into high gear, my to do list today is long, filling the day completely.  So up I jumped.  Not ready, but ready at the same time. 

Sweet Hubs was definitely on his j.o.b., a steaming cup of amazing coffee was in my hand almost as soon as I came in with the pups.  I always go out back with them in the morning.  It centers me to stand in the midst of my treetop garden bathed in the early morning light.  It's always a bit before the critters start waking up so the only sounds are the lingering mysterious night sounds.  There is always the train in the distance and the miscellaneous sounds a mixture of cars, trucks, motorcycles and the occasional ambulance (we live in close proximity to quite a few senior living areas).

So far so good... coffee, watching Hubs play with the pups like he does every morning.  A bit of time to actually catch up on our daily plans before the chaos. 

Chaos definitely was waiting.  Shortly after our playmate pup arrives I always fix the pups their breakfast.  Hubs too, but today thank goodness he simply wanted coffee and cereal.  It was a complete blessing. I started heating the meat that was going in with their kibble, grabbed a bowl to put the rest of the meat in for later and I smelled something very off.  

My still sleepy brain couldn't place it sadly and moments later I walked barefoot into a fresh pile of very soft poo.  SERIOUSLY? Hopping around on one foot trying to clean it up before it was a bigger disaster, while trying to reassure the pup that it wasn't her fault and I understood.  I was engrossed with fixing breakfast and didn't see her frantic dance at the door. Thank goodness for Hubs jumping in to keep breakfast from burning as I hopped to the closest sink.  Who knew I was still so flexible?  I sure didn't.  After scrubbing my right foot, the sink and washing up the floor, I returned to the task at hand.  For a moment... because evidently her tummy wasn't feeling the best and she'd left another carefully place pile by the kibble container.  Yup, you guessed it.  Stepped straight into that one with my left foot.  Definitely a morning of repeats.  

I was seriously paranoid after those two events.  I did manage to feed them breakfast, wash up everything and get my day back on track. But, whew folks, that is not how you want a day to start. 

I'm taking a short break to finally have my breakfast and cool off.  We are moving into another extreme heat weekend, so I decided to be a sweetheart and mow the grass as the next few days are going to be much hotter.  Someone remind me why I moved to the mid-west, because this girl seriously despises the hot weather. 

I knew that Hubs would have tackled it for me, but he shouldn't be out in the heat either, and I also knew that time touching earth was going to improve the day. Before I mowed I gathered as much of the plantain growing in the yard as I could without killing the plants.  I had several that slid up from the earth with their roots attached.  I decided those were a gift and planted them in my raised bed.  Fingers crossed they grow and spread.  I will gladly part with that bed for a medicinal purpose.  Who knows that might become my herbal/medicinal garden next year.  If you come over as see a bed full of "weeds" don't be judging, you might be the next person to benefit from my "weeds".  As I was harvesting those leaves to get into the dehydrator, I also noticed that I have been gifted with some purslane, I may be transplanting some of that also.  

Finally, as I was finishing up with the mowing I noticed that I have a beautiful red rose starting to bloom.  The deer have left me so few to actually enjoy.  Day was completely reset. 

My to-do list is still super long and of course the mornings events added to it, but all in all it's all okay. 

Today will find me doing my chores, getting the plantain drying, chopping up all the beef hearts I was able to get yesterday - my pups LOVE them, and I need to get the trays in the freezer. I also need to get a few batches of plantain salve made up, I've been gifting it out left and right and need to make sure there is still some for our ouchies, itchies and the like. It will include planning my fall garden, yup we're hotter than Hades, but it's time to plan. And of course I need to get busy sewing.  Christmas will be here before we know it and I have quite an ambitious plan this year.  We'll see how it goes. 

Before any of that happens, I need to head up and shower.  Because I know me, I will dive head first into that list (yup, I know it doesn't all have to happen in one day) and slowly forget that I never got there until it's time for me to make dinner for Hubs. 

I guess my lesson for the day, has been to listen to that inner voice.  To know when it is trying to give you a solid warning and to slow down.  It was my own fault this morning.  I was so focused on tasks at hand that even though my brain, and several senses were warning me, I failed to notice.  

Thank goodness for the time in the yard and gardens, even it was hotter than heck.  I'm ready for the rest of the day. 

Ya'll have a blessed one!  And if you are in this hot bubble... stay cool and safe... 

much love, 

b

healing, clearing...

My sleepy brain has struggled to come awake.  I might be getting too old for sleeping 5 hour or less at night.  My hot coffee is helping.  It going to be tough day. I'm a bit weary physically from the past week.  It's been a long, hard labor kind of week.  

After a self inflicted week of digging through the past, deciding what to keep and what needed to go, I opted to go and help my girl out.  She was working on a big project in Arkansas, she needed help and it gave us some time to spend together.  Luckily having been in property management (not the kind where you run real estate), I have a strong skill set that she needed. Ironically, most of the men I encountered this weekend were quick to discredit that skill set.  It's okay, I didn't need their acknowledgement and knew where to push to keep things moving and get them finish.  

I guess I don't really come across as someone that possesses those skills.  I was humored.  I was even more humored when I could have prevented a bit of struggle and work, if they would have listened.... And when they choose to ignore me and shut me down, I choose to be silent. Let them expend the time and energy, they evidently need to learn by experiencing those things.  My girl's skill set is strong also, I have simply experienced a few more things than she has (nice way of saying I'm old - I've had more time to make mistakes and learn from them.)

This past week has definitely been about healing.  It's been wrapped up in letting go of the past and moving head first into life.  It's been strange and wonderful.  There have been tears, there have been smiles.  This past weekend there laughter, moaning, frustration and a sense of closure for me. 

In fact the entire stretch of time has held all of those emotions and more.  Mostly it has held the powerful feeling of closure and healing.  Some conversations can never be held, deepest feelings and emotions forever halted at the time of death.  The very act of clearing away physical trinkets and memories, also released those feelings that were stagnate and trapped. It felt like I have finally been able to release things that have been holding my back.  Holding me hostage to my own feelings and emotions.

Helping my girl this weekend brought closure to a painful chapter in my life. It allowed me to make peace with someone that had inadvertently and for the best of reasons hurt me. Helping to tidy up the remaining pieces of his lifetime, cleaning and painting in silence gave me time to release those feelings and respect the reason the actions happened. It was like clear water being poured into a long festering wound. 

As we headed out to return home, it was a bag of mixed emotions, but all of them felt pure.  

My girl had to deal with a phone call that almost brought her to her knees just before we left.  The struggle not to run to her as she requested a bit of time alone to process the loss of a very dear friend was real.  That she allowed me to hold her while she hurt... indescribable. My girl is not fond of touch, her melting into my arms and drawing on my strength drove home how deeply hurt she was. 

My girl and I rarely have one on one time.  It's often cluttered with others, schedules and the day to day chaos that is life.  To have roughly 12 hours to just the two of us, was priceless, even though we were both struggling through that long drive home after working so hard for two days.  We talked about a million things.  Some large, some tiny, some important, some mundane all of it was perfection. 

Today, I am struggling.  My eyes are heavy, my body is tender, but my soul feels like many of the little tears that life creates were patched and mended. It's now time to get back to work, I am not allowing myself a nap, I want a long night of deep sleep.

2023 is starting off in a very strange way.  A healing way.  I am thankful for the growth and the journey. 

for such a time as this...

Well, today is definitely not going to go as I had planned.  I have an entire bushel of apples to put away for the coming cold season not to mention all the other things I want to get put away.  I am fairly certain the jalapeno's will be processed and probably a few jars of jalapeno jelly.  The rest will wait until tomorrow.  Hubs and I tackled cleaning out some storage spaces yesterday and my brilliant self didn't bother to put on shoes (I rarely do) and stood, walked and bent on a cold concrete floor for about 5 hours.  Today, I am paying for my brilliance. 

That doesn't mean I haven't been busy, I have.  Just a different busy.  I prepped the vanilla I gave to my friends and started a new jar.  I gathered all of my oregano to allow me to make oregano oil, my farmacy needed that added to it, we are sneaking up on cold and flu season (it never went away, but definitely sneaks in hard during the colder months). 

I am learning so much about natural cures and the uses of herbs and plants to improve ones health.  I still need to get hold of some mullein seeds, but I can't plant them until spring, so I am not overly concerned about sourcing them right now.  Yesterday I started my garlic and olive oil, it will need at least a month or so before it will be of value to us.  I figured I'd better get at least a small jar started.  I need to find a good local source for raw honey before I make a huge batch, the only honey I had was from the Amish market and that was definitely not within our 50 mile radius to provide the most benefit. I'd love to have my own bees, but my allergy is a definite deterrent.  That and Belle would kill them all. 

I will work on other projects today, the sweet potatoes, squash, and apples can all wait for a few days.  I really need to exercise more common sense, I just get in a mode that I am going to tackle a project and go for it.  Not always a wise choice on my part, but I do get so much accomplished when I am motivated to do it. 

Last night while regretting my earlier life choices of the day, I spent time scrolling through different social media outlets, reading and resting my weary body.  A song I love kept flashing in bits and pieces through my mind, my husband calls it an ear worm.  "For such a time as this".  I know I have spoken of it before, it really speaks my my heart and soul.  It's so powerful for me.  While scrolling last night I found the verse Esther 4:14 on each platform in some form or another. 

The question posed that really hit me hard was "what if you truly were born for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14. I immediately had to read the entire verse.  The connections were too strong, I felt as though I was personally being given my directions. Whenever I become stressed or feel lost it seems like it pops into my mind.  As I said, the song has been super powerful for me for as far back as I can remember.  I'd never heard it referred to as Esther's song until today when I looked it up to finally listen to it, to complete the circle in my head.  Again... it feels like I need to dive deeper into this book.  

I tend to live my life in what many would deem an odd manner.  When I feel led to do something, I do it, I rarely ignore the feelings and truthfully, when I do, I usually end up regretting that decision.  As I was saying my morning prayers and focusing on hearing that inner voice there was a powerful draw to write this morning and to also start focusing on what is important to me.  

I've never really felt like I belong in this time, I have always been that person that is forever out of time.  I will never be modern, hip or cool.  For all I know those terms are not even modern any longer.  I walk to a different beat, I am lost in a time that most have forgotten or left in their dust.  I struggled hard with that when I was younger, I so wanted to be part of the "in crowd", it was lonely where I was.  I just never managed to pull it off. 

Here I am now, well into (okay rapidly leaving) my fifties and I finally feel like I am in the right place at the right time.  I can't explain it, I don't understand it.  It just is. 

This morning, I gathered my oregano leaves and prepared them to make my oil of oregano.  As I stood there picking those incredibly tiny leaves I was simply filled with peace.  I no longer care if people accept me for who I am, the ones that do are part of my tribe, the ones that don't... well sorry, they don't matter. 

I live in a bubble that is different, but the fact that it is different doesn't make it bad.  I was listening to a podcast from someone I used to value greatly, but I am finding myself pushing back against what he says to a degree that makes it difficult to listen to him. He is a homesteader, I love listening to different homesteaders they are more like my tribe than most others.  

He's definitely shifted to prepper, I am not a prepper, I am someone that is taking care of my family in a very old fashioned way.  A way that resonates in my soul.  Today he was talking about what would you do if someone came to your home that hadn't helped with anything, didn't plan to help with anything, but wanted food and shelter.  He said he would turn them away.  My very being pushed back against that. 

I don't know what is going to happen in our world, but I am fairly certain that things are going to get darker and harder.  I also know that there are many in this time that lack a great many skills and even the work ethic to survive without all of our modern conveniences.  I personally feel it has been uneducated out of us.  

I know quite a few that will wallow in pity, not being able to find their way forward.  I know many people that will struggle with any kind of hardships, sadly I don't know that all of them would survive anything truly traumatic.  I know that I will do my level best to teach, help and give to any and all that need my help.  Would I be frustrated?  Heck yeah.  But the truth is those very types of people frustrate me now.  We all know at least a few that put forth the minimum effort knowing that someone is going to pull them out of their own muck and mire.  

Sadly, I don't believe I will be listening to that content creator again, he has great things homestead related, but I felt ugly listening to him.  I felt a hardness that isn't mine.  I don't know what I am here for, do any of us?  But I know it isn't to be hard and unloving. 

Well, I am sure I've gone down a rather strange rabbit hole for some today.  I will never stop living my true self (it took me too long to finally be strong enough to do so) and that path isn't straight and it always has loops and u-turns.  Yet each day, I feel far more comfortable in knowing that I am here for such a time as this.  Time to get lost in Esther's story, time to learn what I am meant to know.  

love and prayers...

faith or fear?

I've been crazy busy since about five this morning.  The sun hadn't even considered cresting the horizon as I started my first canner full of soups.  I am trying to use as much of the local abundance as I can before we shift into a feeling of local lack.  This mornings batch for those cold winter evenings was a chicken, bean and rum stew.  I just started a second batch that is bean and sausage. 

When I started canning, I will be honest, it was out of fear.  Listening to news, shopping at my local stores I realized that prices were soaring, there was not an abundance in the stores, and due to weather conditions I had fears about the coming harvest seasons.  Not to mention the supply chain issues that seemed to be growing by the moment.  

This morning, I should be starting the next batch of soup to put up for the fall and winter months.  I'm not, because I felt an overwhelming need to write. I'm sitting in the garden by the fire that Hubs built for me this morning.  It's still pleasantly cool as the final embers burn off. There are enough hours to do everything I want to do, while still pausing.  

While I've been quiet, I've been doing a lot of thinking.  A lot of processing things.  Like I said, I am still concerned, I still have moments of angst and going to a grocery store sends me into almost tears.  They are bare in many areas, sizes of items are getting smaller while the prices are increasing.  People are not at the panic stages that they were at the beginning of the plandemic, but they are getting more anxious, less friendly and you can see the shock on almost everyone's faces.  They are resigned to what is happening.  

I have done a ton of researching, learning, understanding what is slowly happening.  It's not going to be a popular theory, but I feel we have been being conditioned for this moment from at least the 70's, I almost feel like since the early 1900's.  Slowly, like a pot coming to boil we have been subjected to raising prices, lower salaries, a sense of lack.  We have been bombarded with ads, shows, media, news and magazines, by society in general to always be chasing more. 

I mean look at the way people stand in line when the newest version of technology is introduced. Look at the massive amount of debt most people will assume to have the newest, biggest, and best of everything. Look at the smallest things as see how they have been twisted into a money making item. 

I know I'm up there in the years, but I am not by any means old or elderly.  Yet I can remember a much simpler time.  I remember a time before computers - the only people having them were government agencies and huge corporations.  I remember a time of kids happily playing outside with their friends for hours on end.  I remember so many things that it would take an entire blog to simply list them.  Kids don't play for endless hours outside much any longer.  The sound of laughter doesn't fill the neighborhood, probably because the electronics are watching them inside while the parents slave away, giving up the most precious thing in the world in exchange for all those things we are conditioned to believe we need. 

When I left working full time outside of our home, I was anxious.  I was concerned that our quality of life would suffer. We had become very used to the luxuries a two professional income provided.  Would we still have the lifestyle we were used to?  Would we survive?

I hadn't woken up yet, I was still lingering in that false bubble.  I was anxious and filled with fear and worry.  I doubted the reality before me. The picture wouldn't come into focus.  

So almost 18 months later, after much deprogramming, adjusting the lens I was viewing life through, I realized that we are not only doing okay.  We are thriving.  I mean truly thriving.  Do we always do the things that we immediately feel drawn to do?  No. Because we both look at life differently, we are more cautious of how we spend our dollars, we can see how we wasted so much.   We didn't need the things we thought we needed, we wanted them.  

When we started walking in faith, we realized that we had massive abundance.  We aren't living in lack at all.  Are we living in financial abundance now?  No.  But I would guess we are probably in the same bubble as the majority of the planet right now.  Our utilities are soaring, the costs for most anything in the stores is unreal, and while gas is currently going down for over two years it has been higher than what we'd come to enjoy when we purchased Hubs' truck. Everything costs more than it did, and I am fairly sure that if the individual running our country continues on the path he seems bent on, it will cost more and more. 

I'm choosing to not walk in fear.  I've felt a strong shift this month, a stronger pull towards spending time in silence, praying and just listening to the silence.  I have felt the magic of fear leaving, the pull towards simply walking in faith. 

I know I've spoken about how broken and fearful I was when I was divorced.  I felt lost and like everything that defined me was gone.  During those dark days I spent a lot of time lost in prayer.  I have a horrible memory, I don't hold on to the past, I don't day dream about the future.  I am definitely that live for the moment and day I am in person.  It's a blessing and a curse.  Yet I remember as clear as if it were yesterday bowing my head and simply telling God that I was not strong enough, that I needed him to take complete and utter control of my life, that I would follow wherever he lead me. 

A short while later, Hubs came into my life and even though there have been challenges, losses and grief.  He has been the most amazing life partner.  I cherish our life together.  I have always believed that God put us together, we are meant to walk this path together. 

I've been turning a lot over to God once again.  I've spent more time in prayerful silence and listening to his word.  The amazing thing about God is that most people in most religions know he is there, they know he is still the God of old.  He loves his children, and he will lead us through the darkness that seems to be everywhere. 

There is still going to be hard times, God isn't going to simply let us sit on our bottoms and not participate.  But I firmly believe if you are willing to be part of the solution, we are going to come out on the other side of this darkness whole and walking in pure abundance and gratitude. 

We have always had far more than we have ever needed.  Humanity has just allowed itself to be turned away from that abundance.  We've been programmed to always be reaching for more and more.  Wait isn't greed one of the seven deadly sins?

As I sit here in my bountiful garden, on this beautiful morning, I feel completely blessed and loved. When I stepped out of that imaginary world that we are forced into, I never dreamed that I would know the amount of joy, love, fulfillment and happiness that I have now.  Kind of like how I felt two decades ago, I know this is God's blessing. 

I will continue to honor that blessing.  I will continue to pass those blessing forward to others.  I will keep following the voice in my heart.  I have faith that despite what we see unfolding all around us, we are standing at the precipice of the greatest blessings that we have ever known.  Greater than our wildest dreams could even begin to conjure up. 

Well, while I believe our God is capable of all things, I also firmly believe that he wants us to step up and be part of that change, part of the solution.  So... my kitchen is calling.  I have so much bounty that I want to finish preparing.  I have a future of abundance to prepare for. 

love and prayers to each of you... 

oh my heart...

Welcome to the mid-west, woke up to steamed up windows, the humidity outside is horrible. Luckily rain is moving in tomorrow evening, which will definitely improve things for a bit.  Being the mid-west it will only help for the moment.  We are moving into the hot, humid season, or hell on earth in my opinion. Oh joy.

I am going to buy a kiddie pool this weekend for the pups, I think they will love it.  Luckily one side of the backyard has a huge tree that keeps it very cool over there, so the pups will have lots of safe areas to enjoy. 

Hubs had the news on this morning, My heart is hurting.  When are people going to wake up?  When are they going to realize that regardless of your political beliefs the way things are going is hurting far too many people? When do we realize that the "people in charge" don't give a crap about the average person?  

Have you ever worked for a company and made the statement that the CEO doesn't care about the little guy?  Have you ever felt like you didn't exist in the company org chart?  That your whole point in being was to make money for the higher ups?

On a national and global scale, that is where we are.  We are simply pawns in a game they are playing.  I'm not sure what the ultimate goal of the game is, but I don't feel that it is the overall success of humanity. 

There was story after story about the lack of baby formula.  Why? I did some research on it last night, because I was hearing a lot of things that simply don't make sense.  Now even less makes sense.  In fact it all makes as much sense as the toilet paper shortage and that was off the chain stupidity.  To the best of my knowledge no one ended up walking around with a dirty bum. 

I could feel the same hype to fear that was so prevalent with the "pandemic".  I could hear that drum beating.  Why in the world would you allow your most vulnerable population to starve?  Or at least threaten to?  Glancing at Twitter and the Book, you have the folks out there beating the drum also.  Pounding it in a steady rhythm. 

Add into that this chirpy, smiling reporter this morning saying that gas is at an all time high and predicted to get higher every day.  All smiling and cheerful.  The reason?  After the pandemic people are finally getting out and about, they are doing things in droves and it is more than the supply can handle.  Odd that it didn't cover the news that our current administration cancelled all oil leases in Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico last night.  I had heard that from several reputable financial reports at about 430 am this morning.  I assure you that has more to do with it than the increase in people going places, because I don't know about where you live, but venues aren't packed to the brim like they were in 2019 around here.  In all my friend and camping groups folks are saying they are staying home more, the price of gas is outrageous.  Heck even the campgrounds aren't filling up. 

So you have food becoming harder to buy for a plethora of reasons.  You have gas becoming to pricey to drive anymore than you have to.  What is the plan here?  Sending more money to overseas?  We are not the worlds bank.  They have other neighbors with a far more vested interest in their sovereignty, why are we the only fools stepping up and why isn't being voted on by we the people - we are in a crisis of our own and our government seems to keep turning a blind eye to it.  Having stupid trials clogging the airspace to distract you?  Seriously, I couldn't care the least about Johnny and Amber.  Anymore than I cared about Ben and Jennifer or Brad and the other Jennifer, or well any of that stupid Hollywood crap.  Stuff leaking out of the Supreme Court to stir up more anxiety and drama?  

What are we being distracted from? What are they trying to accomplish?  Because frankly, I don't think our beautiful country has many more days left.  I am fearful that we the masses have become uneducated, uninformed controlled asses (sorry for my bluntness).  We are not taking care of our own responsibilities, we are allowing a detached and single focused group to control everything.  

I'm tired of watching this.  I'm tired of lifting everything up to God and expecting to have the change we need.  God is there, but we are expected to lift the weight, we have to actually participate in the solution.  It isn't going to be handed to us on a silver platter. 

Sorry if this feels like a rant.  It is a rant.  I'm tired of the massive fear mongering, I'm tired of the "well there is nothing we can do mentality".  I am tired of everyone waiting around for someone to save them.  

I don't think anyone is going to save us.  We have to do it ourselves. 

There are many recipes out there for solutions to the baby formula crisis.  Goats milk, recipes, etc.  Prior to the inception of mass production formula, people fed their babies.  Not every mother nursed for whatever reason.  Babies weren't dying of starvation.  Some of the comments I read broke my heart into a million pieces.  I understand medically fragile babies.  I truly do.  But for the most part, we have been programmed that if we don't do what the nice pediatricians and three letter groups say our babies will die horrible deaths. 

I didn't nurse my eldest, my mom told me I was too nervous to do it and I believed her.  I was a young mom and didn't have a wealth of knowledge to lean into.  The stuff you don't learn in the education system is vast.  She was on formula until about 3 months old, when the extreme projectile vomiting started I took her off of it and just used good old cows milk.  Surprisingly, much to the dismay of the pediatrician, the vomiting stopped and she thrived. 

My youngest was nursed.  He refused a bottle, wouldn't even remotely consider it. Even when it was filled with breast milk and we tried every available nipple on those bottles. The pediatrician informed me he was simply spoiled and would eat if he got hungry enough.  I was absolutely appalled, I asked her if that was the method she used with her babies.  Her answer... I don't have children and don't want any.  The fact that he is 31 years old and I can remember the conversation as clearly as it just happened should tell you the impact it had.  At seven months old that sweet boy weaned himself and switched over to using a sippy cup, mostly filled with "bubble water" because he loved it so much.  FYI - he also thrived. 

Karo disturbs me... but... 

There are ways to work around almost anything.  Maybe the government isn't going to approve of it, but let's be honest, I can't be the only one feeling like the government does not even remotely have our best interests at heart. 

1942 canning book... 

I am not going to allow myself to linger in these defeatist thoughts for long.  I am going to lean into the knowledge and the ingenuity of my ancestors and those that walked this path the last time it happened.  Is it more work, of course it is.  Is it worth it, you better believe it. I can't play in this playground that is being created for us, it goes against who I am as a human. 

Together we will make it.  The division that keeps getting stirred up, the haves and have nots being created, the "sections" - anyone else starting to feel like they are in a bad version of the hunger games?

Okay, I know that I am not in a clear head-space. I know I could go on for hours pleading with folks to pay attention, to step out into nature, turn off the "tell a vision" and to focus your heart on what is important. So instead of beating my own drum loudly enough to deafen others, I am going to instead focus on that drums rhythm and do the work needed for me and mine. 

love and peace...

losing my mind?

Get the puppies fixed at the same time they said, it will be easier they said... she agreed... now she is seriously questioning her sanity and intelligence.  For this moment they are sound asleep.  Hopefully that is how the majority of the day is going to go, although it does mean I am sitting here basically watching their every move.  Why?  Because those darn cones of shame are HORRIBLE!  If I watch them they don't have to wear them and they can actually rest.  

The did really well, although Belle ended up with a nicked spleen, so she is requiring a bit more observation and an additional trip to the vet tomorrow morning to check her blood counts.  They both are eating good and keeping them calm is definitely a full time job.  Thank goodness for "doggie downers".  Trying to keep two incredibly busy puppies calm and stopping them from running is brutal.  I ended up barricading the three of us in a single room.  The sofa and chairs have things stacked on them, not that it's stopped Belle from trying to climb it anyhow, hence the non-stop observation. 

finally got him to lie down... sort of

he decided to melt...

Just got home... exhausted

She needed her daddy, 
he's demonstrating the reason for cones

He stayed like this for 30 minutes,
refusing to move

There are four different beds lying on the floor in this room, they are both snuggled together on a single one. But at least they are resting. I am hoping that all of the repeating of no jumping to our little Belle will finally break her of jumping up.  That would be a huge side bonus.  She is just so excited with life that she cannot make herself be calm. She is our energetic little baby. 

Beau is definitely the family drama king.  He was whining, fussing and basically throwing a tantrum for over an hour last night.  At the two hour mark I told him to suck it up.  He wasn't in pain, not in the least, unless you count the pain of indignation.  He loathes the cone, he will be perfectly fine, the cone is put on so he can go to sleep in his kennel (and mom can go to bed) and he is absolutely dying!  The whine is so high pitched your ears ring add to that the non-stop panting and mounting panic attack.  It is fairly extreme.  I thought he was in deep distress last night, until I realized it was all an attempt to get rid of the cone. 

At one point he'd struggle enough to tighten it, but by then it wasn't too tight, I checked.  In fact at one point he discovered he was able to remove it by pushing it against the kennel.  If I hadn't been so exhausted at that point I would have cracked up, he froze and didn't make eye contact - almost as if he thought if he didn't look at me I wouldn't notice that he'd gotten it 3/4 of the way off. It was so funny.  The look was pure disbelief and amazement coupled with a touch of slyness.  

I get it, I truly do, I would be miserable.  I mean I didn't do so great just sitting in a bed unable to move about. I completely understand. I ordered some inflatable collars last night, they should be here today.  Hopefully they will make sleeping a bit easier for them.  They could barely move in their kennels because of those huge things. 

While my babies rest coneless today, I have to stay within eyesight. They both want to explore their surgery sites, so I will spend the day sitting, resting and probably knitting myself.  Yesterday was crazy.  You would not believe the canning I completed.  The counter tops were covered with mason jars this morning.  Carrots, veggie broth and oven roasted marinara rounded out the items completed.  I opened a can of the carrots to feed the babies this morning and was shocked at how tasty they are, nothing like the canned kind from the grocery store, we will definitely need more of those.  Hubs will not believe how good they are, and when he finds out, I will struggle to keep up.  

Oven Roasted Marinara and Vegetable Broth

did I try too much at once?

I don't have a butter mold,
so this is the best it is

I even made a couple of pounds of butter, as I had way too much heavy cream that I was not going to be able to use by yesterday.  FYI, if you haven't tried it, you definitely should! It was so very easy, although I wasn't prepared for the immense splashing when it crossed from whip cream to butter, and had removed the towel guard prematurely. I opted not to salt it, although I will probably salt the next batch.  Frankly, I'm tired of wasting stuff. I've reached the point if we can't use it all I will either be canning, dehydrating or ... finding another way to preserve it. I am not okay with tossing anything out anymore, have you seen those prices? 

The fence was finished by 3 pm, I need to call the city to have them come and inspect it, but it looks amazing.  I can't wait for the babies to feel good enough to go out and play. I decided to go with eastern cedar, I don't want to have to paint it. I couldn't believe they managed to complete it in less than 6 hours, they were definitely a power team. They were very impressive, the company - not so much!

Now I am finding myself daydreaming about what I can do to put some beautiful plants all around it. My friend gifted me some Rose of Sharon seeds and I am thinking those might be beautiful on the back side of the fence.  Then ones that are currently there are looking like they have definitely hit the end of their days. In fact I was noticing yesterday that one of them looks like it might have finally died over the winter. I also thin I'm going to get Hubs to help me make a raised bed along the one wall, just high enough that two busy puppies don't feel the need to taste test everything and deep enough that I can plant a wide variety of things in it.  It's kind of in a dead zone in the yard that gets lots of wonderful sunshine. 

Oh well, reality is that I probably have a full 7 to 10 days to daydream and plan.  These babies are going to keep mom hopping! It's time to get with it, I'm super sleepy today from lack of sleep last night, thank you drama king, so I need to keep busy...

love and peace..

welcome home, I love you!

The sunrise is beautiful this morning.  Reds, oranges, deep blues and bits of purple are tinting the skyline.  It's actually breathtaking.  I've finally stopped for a moment and thought I would sit here and enjoy it with a cup of hot coffee.  It's taken almost two and a half hours to drink the first one, cold, while chasing puppies and working around the house. 

I wish Hubs was up here to enjoy it with me, but he's deeply engrossed in a movie.  I want to call him up, but I guess he needs the time alone lost in his movie.  Today is an interesting day for him, fifty years ago he returned home from Vietnam, landing in Washington State, thankful to be back on US soil.  Never anticipating the "welcome" that he received.  That was the day he took off his uniform, his medals and his military persona and threw them in a trash can.  He was just a kid, just twenty years old.  Returning from war.  He was fighting for his country, with all of his heart.  Little did he know how disrespected he would be when he left the plane. 

That is his story to tell.  I've heard him share it.  I've heard many veterans of his generation share a very similar tale.  I am friends and family with veterans from many different battles and wars all in the name of protecting the American people.  They all served proudly, whether they volunteered or were drafted, they have given so much for our nation.  I have never felt the excruciating pain of losing a family member to those battles, but I have sat silently by and comforted the ones that are battle damaged.  Mentally and emotionally they are never the same person. It doesn't matter what conflict it was.  They are simply never the same. 

I have listened to Hubs tell me stories of Junior (his older brother) and his Uncle Ted (who died on his birthday fighting for this country long before I was born).  He tells me that Junior never smoked or drank until he returned from WWII, and after that moment, he was never completely sober again.  The scars of all that he saw eating at him for the rest of his life. 

When I first moved here, Hubs might acknowledge that he'd served, but he was always very silent and reserved about it.  I held him tight the first time he visited the traveling wall and found his friend's name.  Those wounds don't heal, you just learn to deal with life moving forward. 

Being a veteran doesn't make that exclusive on dealing with horror, there are many things in life that lead to pain and scars, battle scars as they are often referred to, I have more than a few of my own due to things life has thrown at me.  Yet I can't compare life's bruises, cuts and scars to those that are suffered by our veterans. 

I can't undue the damage that selfish people did.  And no matter how many people thank them for their service, we can never erase that so many of our veterans suffered being called baby killers and were spit on.  Funny, it wasn't the jerk politicians that were causing all of it that suffered, only those that did their duty for country. 

I get twisted inside thinking of some of this.  I get super angry.  I was quite young during that time frame.  I can't say I truly witnessed it.  Maybe it is one of the reasons I fail to rally to the side of all the virtue signalers, the people that refuse to treat others in a fair and equitable manner, the ones that only see their perspective as the right one.  Those that demand things for themselves, while denying it to others. 

I'm proud of my Vietnam Veteran!  He stepped up to the plate when his country needed him. I'm sorry for the jackasses that greeted his plane when it landed.  I regret that he didn't have a hero's welcome home, he should have. All of them should.  I am so proud of how he has dealt with the hurt and what could have been bitterness.  Instead you will always finding him thanking every service member for their service, he will buy their meals, he works with groups to help them find their way in life, he raises money for the veterans programs and he finally proudly wears his own veteran's status for the world to see. 

Fifty years ago today my sweet Hubs came back to the US, I joke around and tell him that he came back because he was supposed to be with me (even though that was a rocky, bumpy detoured filled road).  I don't know what the universe had in mind for him, but I am forever grateful that road led him to me. 

Next time you meet a veteran and they seem closed off, grumpy or even a touch surly, stop for a moment and look beyond.  Look in their eyes, are their shoulders back a bit too much, do they seem standoffish?  Maybe, just maybe they are still waiting to be welcomed home with open arms and pure gratitude.  Those selfish people that were simply tired of war and had no clue where to direct their anger harmed as many people as the war did.  A little love and gratitude can make a world of difference. 

Say thank you, listen to their stories, and for pities sake be there to hold them when they finally break through!

love and peace...

a hard nut to crack...

Was it only yesterday that I felt strongly compelled to talk about fear?  No even 24 hours?  Yesterday we found out that one of my family members has been hospitalized with the virus. The same family member has received both of their shots. I am praying hard. I am questioning so much.  I had it in January, I was hospitalized for pneumonia connected to it. I understand how it makes you feel, how scary the sealed rooms they put you in feel, how frightening the isolation and loneliness is, I understand all of it.  Yes, each persons journey with it is different. I am praying from a place of understanding. 

My understanding stops when the bullying kicks in. I am so tired of bullying and people pushing their own beliefs as the final answer.  Sorry, last time I checked we are all connected to God/Source, but not a single one of us is the divine. We don't know the answers, we don't have the guidebook to life, we are here to learn experience and grow in love. 

At some point we have to agree to disagree and do it civilly. 

I heard the fear when I was told about my family member.  Fear not of the virus, but for the person, they have many health issues already and this only makes it that much more of a serious issue. The fear of loss was strong.  

Fear can also be dangerous.  Because family and friends then started pushing the shot to those without.  First off when did a person's medical issues, beliefs and concerns become public fodder.  Secondly, did any of those pushing stop for a moment and think about it?  I mean really consider the facts laid out before them?  One actually presented false media facts to back their insistence. What about the fact that several of those that had opted in were all sick with the virus, yet none of the folks that had opted out were?

I know of two people that have been hospitalized in serious condition in recent months.  Both of them have had the double jab. Both of them ended up very, very sick. The first to the point of almost dying. I think if you have had the shots and ended up hospitalized with the illness that the last thing you would do is insist that your loved ones get the shot when they haven't ended up sick. That you would want more time to process things before insisting on that course of action. 

Each person has their own path to follow.  Support one another for your individual decisions, but don't belittle, condemn, criticize or attack someone that doesn't agree with you.  

To coin a phrase that I've heard far too often in a negative way lately "come on man".  Please be gentle and caring with others.  Please try to understand that your thoughts and fears do not necessarily equal theirs, that they may have other thoughts and fears that are just as valid. 

When people are already in a battle with fear and angst, piling more on is not the answer. I am a firm believer that what is right for me, might not be right for you.  I will support and lift up your decisions and beliefs, but I always expect the same in return. And it doesn't matter what the subject is, the topic for discussion (or as is often the case - divisiveness) always has two sides at a minimum.  My sweet Hubs often quotes a song lyric - "wouldn't it be a drag if we were all the same"... how very true. 

I'm tired of us all being pitted against each other at every turn.  Is it about race, religion, beliefs, sexuality, money, education and now even medical issues?  In my minds eye, I almost envision an ancient Roman Colosseum with the elite all betting on the poor commoners fighting for their entertainment in the circle below.   What can they throw in to make the game more interesting, to entertain their bored souls while they toy with the rest of us. 

To me that is how it feels.  I don't care if you do or don't do any of it.  I care if you don't value me as a human, I care if you feel that my own feelings and beliefs on any topic are irrelevant.  That my concerns are not valid or worthy of consideration.  Then I care.  

I firmly believe that is the space we need to get back to as the human race.  One of caring, concern, understanding and empathy.  

The conversations need to shift in a different direction, the call last night should have been filled with love, concern, prayers.  With questions regarding how to help and support. Not the you must do this also spiel. That part of the conversation didn't belong as a part of what was happening. 

I will reach out today, to send love and prayers, I live way too far away to be of any physical use.  I will support everyone that needs the love and support, or that wants it for that matter. But I won't play stupid games. That cycle of fear is not one that I will personally engage in. 

And it truly breaks my heart that people are willing to be callous and hurtful because they are in a bubble of fear. That they will site false facts to support their beliefs and try to sway another's thoughts.  

I long to live in a simpler world.  This morning I was scrubbing my black walnuts, they require a lot of effort and time.  I was working through my frustration as I scrubbed, I have about 90 more to finish scrubbing today so that they can dry out for use.  As I was scrubbing I was thinking about the past, how people were fitter, stronger and there was less idle chaos.  I do believe that idle hands are the devil's playground so to speak (I don't believe in the devil - although I believe in pure evil and each of us is a mix of the light and the dark).  As I scrubbed away I realized that in reality people were just too busy surviving to expend the energy on these kind of things.  

Oh I am not naive, I am well aware that there has always been discord and petty fighting - human nature I guess.  But when you are busy and engaged in living a meaningful life, you have little time for worrying about someone else not following your personal playbook. 

The fear that was lavishly thrown around last night was harmful and hurtful.  At some point we all need to stop and take a deep breath.  We need to consider if the words we speak and the things we personally do are improving life around us or harming it. 

I guess fear is definitely the topic of the week.  I feel it is raging out of control and people are too fearful to even question their own feelings and reactions and the effects of what they might inadvertently be causing. 

Today is calling for silence and reflection.  Today is calling for me to step back, to meditate and pray.  To not step into the chaos and bitterness that is being thrown around like candy at a parade. Today I will focus on being busy and to keep moving forward in love.  

When you are able to keep your hands busy, your mind occupied and your thoughts clear, life makes a heck of a lot more sense. At least in my world it does... what clears your world may be completely different. 

love and peace my friends... 

everyday normal...

Ugghhhh... I suck as a human healing.  I want results now dang it all!! Actually that is only a tiny little voice in my head that might be a bit numb from the ice pack resting on my knee. I just have little windows of time where I give into that tiny voice.  This very moment is one of them. 

Doc warned me that mornings were not going to be a fan favorite for a while.  He explained in depth what causes it and that it will go on for a long time yet to come.  He warned me that at night I would feel like super woman, able to bend it and walk super smoothly only to wake up with all my progress gone.  

Ugggghhhhh... did he have to be right?  As a morning person, that is crazy frustrating.  It's enough to make me want to throw a full fledged temper tantrum.  To stomp my feet and act like I am two. 

That being said... why am I fussing about it?  I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't warned.  Nor is it like I am not going to do exactly what I want.  I just want the moment to complain that it isn't as easy as I wanted it to be. 

I mean it's not even eight in the morning yet, and I have already cut Hubs hair, cleaned up the bedroom and gone for a "walk"... yes a walk is what I am calling it.  It wasn't far, 1080 hard earned steps, but a walk just the same.  A full half mile and it only took me 15 minutes.  There was a moment in time that I could never have celebrated that. Now, I feel I want a gold medal. When I hit 5016 steps yesterday, I almost cried with joy.  There was a time that would have sunk me into a deep depression. It's all about perspective. 

Truth is, I will walk further tonight, on flatter ground.  This morning, I walked the path we used to walk our boys.  I wanted to see the sunrise.  I needed that joy in my life. It was worth the discomfort and need for ice right now. I took the path that involved small hills and uneven ground.  I really wanted to climb the hill to fully experience that beautiful sunrise, but I might be a touch special, I am not downright stupid. 

I'm actually just whining.  I am blessed and I know it. 

In a short while I am going to have built my energy back up and I am going into the kitchen to make some crackers (can't have grains so I am learning to make them with an assortment of nut flours) and some snacks/meals for our trip this weekend. 

For better or worse, I booked us to camp this weekend in Kentucky on the banks of the Ohio River.  I really wanted to go down to Arkansas, to celebrate one of my great nephew's birthday's, but that is a few more hours than I feel confident to travel.  The site we are going to is three hours away, I figure if we stop at least every 45 minutes to an hour and walk I should be able to handle it.  Although I definitely have a plan B (remember it is all about the plan B with me) that will allow me to stretch my leg out and sweet Hubs will simply have to be my chauffeur. I'm a touch insecure about it, but I need to live my life, not sit in my house and engage in a pity party.  I am simply not prepared to sit still. 

Tomorrow will find me in one of my favorite places.  I will spend some time getting a reading, enjoying the National Quilt Museum - they have the 9/11 exhibit up, maybe a bit of bourbon at the cigar bar with Hubs and definitely a stop at the Distillery (I am definitely going to be bringing home a bottle of that heavenly chocolate/coconut moonshine!) and of course Tuscan Rose. 

I'm not sure we will stop at Hancocks' of Paducah this time, I haven't had time to use the fabric I bought last time and honestly that place is dangerous to my fabric loving heart!

I bought some yarn for a Christmas gift when we went to the Tuscan Rose last time we were there.  It is all hand dyed yumminess, and it's the first time I've ever used a silk yarn.  I hate to say it, but my alpaca yarns might have slid out of first place for joy and ease of use. See my world doesn't revolve around quilting. And now I feel very strongly that I need some more of this yarn to make a treat for myself.  Something I rarely do, but oh my... it is heavenly!  Now to decide what colors I want for me!!

I think Hubs is actually going to bring the camper to the house today, our driveway is long enough and then I can seriously clean and prep it for our trip!  And it will save us an hour tomorrow on top of the three hour drive tomorrow.  As it is stored 30 minutes west of us, and we are heading east. His driving skills can definitely handle it, it just depends on how many cars the rude neighbors feel like lining the street with today.  Our cul-de-sac often has 5 or more cars parked along it due to one house. Fingers crossed!  It would be wonderful to simply load the fridge and freezer, to make the bed and put all of our belongings in it here, instead of having to drag it all back and forth. 

Well, as you can see today isn't about deep or thought provoking things, simply the ramblings of a woman that has a ton of chores to do to get ready for a chance at being normal, who is whining about not being able to do them as easily... Those days happen.  

Time to go with the flow and move life forward!

Peace and love...