adulting...

Ugghhh... today has sure been a lot of adulting before 9 am.  I haven't even been out of bed for three hours yet, but I have scheduled the repair to Hubs' windshield (stupid rocks), declined one fence bid and accepted the other and now I am taking a break from filling out all of the requested forms and paperwork for HOA approval and for permits, helped Hubs gather all the recycling and breaking down boxes and gathering all the trash, voted for trustee and wrote out the thank you card so Hubs could deliver the donation box of treats, on top of the usual walking of the pups for a full mile.  

I am definitely not used to this much adulting. My life doesn't move that way any longer. I usually do not have to think until after the second or third cup of coffee. I do not know how I used to do this kind of stuff before.  

Shortly I will move back into the bubble of dealing with bureaucracy, but for a moment, I am stopping and enjoying my coffee, the bitter cold sunshine and the pups calmness. For a moment.  

My baby "ponies" are definitely growing like little weeds.  Anyone take a guess at their current weights?  Beau is a whopping 31.6 pounds, but the shocker was little Belle, she jumped up to a full 30 pounds.  Vet is still holding steady on his guess that they will be about 60 pounds each and right around knee height.  Totally a normal sized dog for us.  I'm not a big fan of small dogs.  They can officially roam in any puppy parks or playgroups now.  Not sure I am brave enough to do that, but... you simply never know.  I have considered a day of doggy day camp a week for each of them. A chance to get to know other dogs and to interact with different groups.  I would deliberately separate them if I do that.  We also found out that our sweet babies are definitely cutting their big dog teeth. Those little teeth are too precious, rounded not the sharp daggers of puppy-hood. 

sunbathing babies

I'm a bit worried about my little guy as he seems to be having a reaction to the vaccines.  I am not a fan and it bothers me greatly that it isn't something I am allowed to opt out of.  Especially as he is not feeling so good today, it breaks my heart.  And yes I know each of us has our own opinion on vaccinations, I will respect your feelings, please respect mine. Hopefully, he will be up to snuff before too long.  Even little Belle is being fussy, not wanting her brother to snuggle her, which she usually initiates. 

I will just let them rest up today, spoil them a touch and monitor how they are acting and feeling.  I sure hope it doesn't lead to another vet appointment.  Those things are ridiculous and honestly I can understand why our shelters are overflowing.  Puppy shots are EXPENSIVE!  Not to mention the cost for spay/neuter.  If they weren't siblings I am not sure I would be willing to spend that much money.  I am very careful to monitor my babies and I definitely do not allow them to run wild.  Sadly, I am sure there are many that have to opt out of these kind of things or put them through the spay/neuter clinics which aren't "gentle". 

But... I guess that is the way of things lately.  Everything is stupid expensive, because everyone is trying to keep their heads above water. 

Did Dad really get them a replacement 
Lambchop??

Hubs gassed up this morning at Costco, is it sad that we were celebrating $3.89 a gallon? I think it is horribly sad.  I'm also tired of watching people literally belittling and verbally attacking folks for not having electric cars.  No one solution fits everyone. There have been many inventions over the years that could lower gasoline consumption - they have been squashed.  Electric cars all have their drawbacks too.  Distance, charging time, the cost of batteries, the destruction to mine lithium and the fact that electricity is mostly provided by fossil fuel also.  Nothing is 100% perfect, except maybe walking or riding a bike and there are drawbacks there also. 

This morning I was following a news article and the comments and I was dumbfounded by some of the self-righteous folks posting on there.  When do we stop picking sides and bullying?  When do we band together against the cause?  When do we work together to support one another?  What is it going to take to knit us together for the good of humankind?

If you own an electric car right now, so very happy for you.  Even Elon Musk (of Tesla fame) states there are not enough natural resources to produce the number of batteries needed for everyone to convert with the current technology, knowledge and designs. People could feel fussy that maybe you are the ones increasing the cost for household electric (yup that is going through the roof also).  

Of course you aren't but stones can be thrown both directions.  So what if we simply stop throwing stones and start looking for true root causes and real honest to goodness solutions?

I've heard folks saying nothing I can do about it.  I've heard folks say move closer to work or get a different job. There are a myriad of challenges with all of those thoughts.  How long before our shops suffer because folks don't have disposable income.  How do you move when the housing market is so precarious and houses are selling for far more than they were even a year ago.  One down the street from my house just sold for about $100 grand more than it was valued a year ago.  Far smaller than my own home - gee can hardly wait to see what the falsely inflated price does to my own property taxes as my home was valued significantly higher than that one a year ago.  Just the thought makes my head hurt. 

At some point we have to decide to take control of things.  

Sorry, the harm people are doing to one another is getting under my skin.  The only thing that is going to solve anything is love and bonding together to change the vibration and energy flow.  Yet, I still see folks tearing others down to build themselves up.  Ironically the hate spewing person this morning had the screen name Grace.  I mean... grace?  At some point, we all have to give one another a little bit of grace, we have to acknowledge that none of us have all the answers and to be open enough to finding them together. 

Maybe we need to see if some of our neighbors need our support right now.  Maybe they are struggling with these heavy increases in costs, is there something we can do? Maybe offer to pick up someones stuff while you are out?  I don't know.  Like I said, I don't have any more answers than anyone else does, but I am praying that we eventually find those answers and that we work together to get to the next stage. 

I don't have a ton of money, but I have a ton of heart and goodwill.  If I can help, please reach out to me, please let me know that you need assistance and if I can, I will completely be there and do it.  If not, I will sure help you brainstorm for a solution. 

destruction of Lambchop #2
it didn't stand a chance

Well... I'm tired of wandering through these thoughts.  It's now time to chop wood and carry water so to speak.  There is another snow watch moving in - of course my baby girl's birthday is tomorrow, why wouldn't it... so I want to make sure everything is prepared before it happens - fingers crossed for it to mosey on by.  I am tired of winter and eager for spring to arrive!

baby it's cold...

brrrr... when Mother Nature turns off the heat she really turns it off! Just three days ago, the last day of 2021 I was outside dying in my sweatshirt raking up the last of the leaves from my neighbors trees.  Trying to make it easier for me to clean up after puppies.  It was almost balmy it was so very, very warm.  Now it's all of 18 degrees out there and everything is covered with a fine coating of ice crystals. 

I prefer snow to ice everyday of the week.  With the new knee, I'm even more freaked out by ice.  I've fallen on that stupid stuff more times that I want to count.  Broken a wrist bone because of it, had enough bruises that I will never forget, so right now, I am thankful that it is just a crunchy coating. I am definitely fearful when it comes to ice. I hoping the ground is not cold enough for it to last. 

I need to make a quick run to the store, they were out of most things yesterday and I need a couple of items that I hope are back in stock.  I am waiting a bit, it's supposed to warm as the day goes on and I've never driven the truck on ice glazed roads my bug I felt super confident in. So maybe I'll just wait a smidgen of time.  

Finally got the pups back to sleep and sweet Hubs has gone back to bed in the silence.  I am enjoying the last day of my Christmas decorations.  I will take them all down tomorrow.  I wasn't ready yesterday and we have dear friends coming to visit today.  Why not enjoy another day of festivities?

Hubs and I spent the morning watching a movie that was recommended to me.  It was definitely not a movie I would normally watch, with a cast I am not overly fond of despite their incredible skill as actors.  Yet in an odd way it has me thinking, pondering.  "Don't Look Up", it's a dark comedy as they called it.  I will agree with the dark part, sadly too much of it speaks to the world we are living in at this time for me ever to find comedy in it. 

It was disturbing.  It was a mirror in a fun house at the carnival.  Some of it was definitely meant to reflect the way many see our world at this time, some of it was deflection.  The end of it was very prophetic in an over the top, unrealistic Hollywood way.  I found it much like happening on a tragic car accident, you want to look away, you don't want to see it, but you are drawn in. 

I'm not sure that was the best way to start my day, sleep might have been better, but two fur babies said no way to that. I really wanted to see what it was about, based on the referral to watch it. 

We have been living through a very strange time in our collective history.  Not just in our country, but around the entire planet.  People seem so divided, so polarized, so self-centered.  I know that I have personally pulled myself back from relationships that fall into that category.  I am drawn to being around people that despite their differences want to be part of a collective.  That work together, not push apart. I cherish the tribe of people that I am a part of, I hope it continues to grow. 

Just a bit ago I was reading a post on Nextdoor, it was a sweet woman offering up the extra food she cooks (I come from a large family and completely understand being stuck not knowing how to cook for fewer) to anyone in need.  It was such a warm and caring gesture.  To without malice or concern of compensation offer up what you have so that others in need will benefit.  It filled my heart to over following.  A few comments later I was struck by a comment that chilled me.  The person was very, very kind in their comment.  That wasn't the issue.  The issue was that they had typed up a "release" that they suggested that she get everyone to sign to prevent her from being sued. 

Immediately sadness kicked in.  The fact that in order to do something kind and loving for our fellow man one has to be covered with protection to prevent being sued for said kindness.  Well frankly, I felt ill.  Because the truth is, there is always going to be that one person that will sue. 

The movie made my heart heavy in its parody/non-parody of our world, the comment made me feel weary.  Maybe it's the blowing winds, the icy pellets or the grayness of the sky, could be exhaustion.  Or maybe it really is that the world feels lost right now.  I need to do things that will lift my spirit and put my day back on track.  

Like I said we have dear friends coming over, I think I shall do a bit of cooking and tidying.  Get ready to "break bread" as my dear Hubs always says.  And then continue to do my own small part to be part of my growing community of helpers.  I like being a part of that particular tribe.  They are people that draw me out, lead me to want to be a part of something more.

Right now there are lemon cheesecake bars with blueberry swirl waiting to be made and popped in the freezer.  They are absolutely heavenly when frozen, amazing when not, but wow... There are chores that need attention and there is solitude that must be savored.

Take a moment my friends to step back, to look at life, to see where you can be a helper and then act. 

love and peace...

hello brain...

I'm awake. 

I know it doesn't seem like a great feat.  Many of us will experience the same feeling today.  But for me after almost 20 days, it is huge! I'm awake, my eyes are open and my mind feels... mine. 

When I last posted I had no idea that the exhaustion I was feeling, the mental fog, the unclear thoughts and the disconnection to myself wasn't just post holiday blahs. A let down after a strange and wonderful holiday season. 

I had no idea that my brain feeling foggy wasn't just a season shift fibro event. 

This morning I am clear. My fingers are hitting keys that actually make sense.  I've been awake since around 3 am.  And while that would normally disturb me, the fact that for several weeks I have basically been sleeping over 20 hours a day it feels good. I have stared off into space for far too long this month. 

In fact, if I wasn't so concerned with where things have already gone this year I would want a do - over. 

I am going to be very unpopular with what I feel strongly that I need to say.  Especially as I have now managed to experience, successfully, the awesome combination of COVID and pneumonia.  But, here it goes just the same. 

Live your life. 

Due to my work I followed the guidelines, I wore the mask, washed my hands, did my best with six feet. And almost 20 days and a hospital stay later, I am still going to say live your life. 

During the time that I have been ill, I know of several people that have passed away.  Some COVID related, some not.  I have been sick before in my life.  This was definitely an experience I am okay with having only learned once. But there was no reason for the world to change because I got a virus. If masks and all the other fear mongering worked, I would not have gotten sick. The truth is that virus' have been around as long as man.  We have been blessed by a creator that insured our bodies would adapt and we could survive, if meant to. 

The greatest joy I had during that period of time was when my girl was brave enough to bring that little sprite of a grand baby over to entertain me before I got too sick. We explained to stay away from Gramma and we had so much fun.  The sparkle from her made me feel like a million dollars.  Now before you freak out, please know she had already been potentially exposed and children are pretty darn safe... because you know science. 

The laughter and joy of that evening made some of the past few weeks brighter. Speaking to my children and text messages from grands made sitting in a hospital sweating and on oxygen a whole lot easier to deal with. 

My heart broke yesterday when I received a message from one of my employees, her grandfather had passed unexpectedly.  They had moved back here to enjoy time together, but because of all the fear that has been being dished up they lost all of that time. 

You cannot unwind a clock people. 

Since time began we have had people get sick, we have had bodies get tired and move on.  The one thing we can never replace, ever are the memories of laughter, time together, sharing love, hope and ideas. 

I am not saying to simply through caution to the wind.  In fact I am dumb struck by some of the absolutely idiotic things I am hearing from around the country. A change in leadership does not all the sudden cure a pandemic.  Simply rewriting rules, ideas and thoughts does not make them... well science. 

I used to be a firm believer in science.  Until I studied in it.  I used to believe a lot more and know a lot less.  

I think I told a friend while I was in the hospital that I believe I chose this time to be ill. I knew that I needed a safe, calm spot to be.  Can't get much safer than completely disconnected.  I needed a cocoon, my soul knew that. A buffer so to speak. 

I guess the coming months will show to us if we have been terrified to be controlled or if we have just over come one of the greatest pandemics in history.  Please understand that I am normally more middle of the line with the thoughts I share. Yet after this month, this experience.  I am now choosing to be allowed to have my own voice and thoughts. 

If you are healthy live your life.  You owe it not only to yourself, but your loved ones.  Spend time making a special dinner, go for that walk, do like my sweet baby grand did and build a forest hut it the park.  Get dirty. 

If you aren't feeling so great, take a moment to step back.  Take care of yourself.  I don't use my sick days, I never get sick. HAHAHAHA, proved me wrong. As I battled all the guilt and anger at myself for not staying healthy, for not being there and doing what was expected of me, I realized something. 

I work with and for great people.  I have felt so much love this past few weeks. Yet, I am supremely replaceable. They haven't missed a beat.  I could say it's because I have a great team, that I am surrounded by amazing people, and the text book answer to that is yes, I do.  The reality is the only people we are not replaceable with another comparative part is our family, friends, our loved ones. 

Smell flowers, go get wet in the rain, or play in the snow.  Turn off the television - you have been programmed. Experience life. Walk away from people telling you what to think, what to feel how to learn. Stop being programmed. 

One of my family members really upset me in a comment he made on a Facebook post. It was something harmless in regards to what I am writing here about living life and not missing a moment.  The comment was small and petty.  About not wanting to end up in a hospital or morgue. 

My anger wasn't in his saying those words.  My anger is that he chose my message to carry his gloom.  I am not going to be so willing to allow that moving forward.  Everyone has a voice, everyone has the right to use that voice.  We are blessed with intelligence, common sense and the ability to learn. We have an innate ability to grow, experience to level up as humans.  We alone make the choice to not do so. 

If I've angered you, I am sorry.  If have I have given you an opportunity to think for a moment, follow that wisp. 

But mostly, live! Make time for what is important, because in the end, the loved ones around you truly are all that matter. 

My last post was about creating, it was in the most strict sense of the word.  During the moments of lucidity of the past few weeks I have thought deeper about that string of thoughts. As this week started my brain was still struggling hard to connect to me, my fingers and brain were not even remotely speaking to each other and I couldn't put together clear thoughts.  Slowly as the week has moved forward, I forced my fingers to wrap around the yarn, to connect my muscle memory and brain in a pattern that I can do in my sleep.  

Creativity pulled me back. Creativity will drive me forward. 

I have been wrapped in love from so many areas of my life, flowers, messages of love, calls, dinners... I am so surrounded by an amazing community. I am blessed, I am thankful and I am choosing to move forward in pure love.

Go out and live!  Experience all things beautiful and growth inducing.  Turn off the television, have a conversation, agree to disagree and learn to love one another again, please....