no regrets...

It's a delightful morning in the garden.  Hubs had to be to work early, so it's just me and my coffee.  I'm sitting here amazed at the beauty, the softness of the weather (cool and no humidity?? what a blessing), the critters waking up ready to start their day.  While my critters gave up and went back to bed over an hour ago. 

The hummingbirds are darting in and out of all the flowers and plants, enjoying a bit of breakfast as they go.  The squirrels are running through the branches above causing a special chaos of their own, morning calisthenics I guess. All the birds are slowing waking, they are singing and talking amongst themselves.  And I find myself loathe to go inside.  I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.  The soft breeze carrying the sounds to me is refreshing, balancing, healing. 

The neighborhood is still silent, kids are sleeping in, yard crews haven't started working yet.  There is only the occasional sound of a car passing by. I am definitely in my happy place.  

So many things are grabbing my attention lately.  Forcing me to pause, reflect, reconsider ideals and beliefs.  Making me reflect on life as a whole.  I'm still piecing so much of it together.  My thoughts are still flitting here and there.  

I am sure I won't post this today, I am finding I need time to process what I am writing.  Sometimes they linger for days or weeks now.  While I think through my thoughts, my ideas, my hopes and plans.  I am finding a comfort in slowing down to a crawl, to completely leaving a rat race I never wanted to be a part of. 

If I could I would move out to the country.  I always wanted to be disconnected, too bad I didn't realize it when I was younger. At this point, it's not really feasible.  Hubs and I are getting older. I will be 61 in a few short weeks, something that seems absurd if you want to know the truth. Hubs is already 74.  Moving at this point is not a wise choice, the city holds things we need. Beau needs access to emergency vet services and not ones that are an hour away.  If he gets stuck in a cluster seizure it could kill him before we were able to get him to a vet. We simply need to be responsible.  Besides, we have a beautiful home, tucked into a beautiful quiet spot.  But a girl can dream. 

That being the case, we are finding more and more ways to step out of the insanity. We are creating our own little countryside home within the confines of an HOA.  Wow, if that isn't an oxymoron of a statement.  But it's the little things that create a bigger thing.  I long for a sense of community. Something that you can't really find in these times.  I long for time with people I trust and care about.  When our friends come to dinner or to spend time together it is so refreshing and soul healing.  

I am pondering so hard on a podcast I listened to while mowing the lawn.  I don't remember it word for word.  I don't have to, the message was loud and clear.  It was in response to the reactions many to Lindsay Graham's death.  But it could have been about anyone.  It was the synopsis of a book or paper written by a funeral home owner. 

It's been stuck in my brain on auto-replay since I heard it. He was talking about the 5 things he hears over and over at funerals. The things people say in front of him, because he is basically invisible in those trying times. I will probably get these wrong, and the order is definitely going to be wonky.  But in a nutshell... 1) I love you, 2) how will I survive without you, 3) Please don't leave me, 4) I thought we had more time, 5) I should have called.

Wow, just wow.  He said it doesn't matter how rich or poor, how beloved or alone the person was, those five things are always said by someone as they visit someone that has passed on. 

The same day I heard this, I found out that one of my second cousins had passed away that day.  I didn't know him well, I haven't lived in Pennsylvania since I was very, very young and then only briefly.  I slightly remember him from our visits home, but those are a blur.  I saw him about 10 years ago down at my mom's house, but the visit is vague and I was focused more on my great uncle and my uncle whom I adore.  What I do remember is that I have gotten a text from him every holiday since that visit.  Nothing fancy, just a Happy this or that I hope your family is well.  Most of the time I responded the same way.  I can't promise that I always did, because I struggle with doing that when I get a bunch of them.  I'm sure I forget folks often. 

I told you I wouldn't finish this, time got away from me and I needed to still think on it. 

Today, as I was tearing apart my beloved KitchenAid mixer the song "Leader of the Band" kept playing through my mind.  I have never torn apart a stand mixer before, but I am cheap and I do not believe in a no win scenario.  I was going to fix that baby if it killed me! Here it is 3 hours later, and I just finished cleaning up.  My mixer is ready for another couple decades of abuse, although I do believe I will be changing the grease a lot sooner next time!  

I literally almost threw up when I opened that baby up!  I have rebuilt and pampered 70 year old sewing machines that haven't been taken care of.  So you can imagine how horrible it was. I text my sweet Hubs the picture as I started and asked if he believed in miracles, because that is all that was keeping her working I assure you. 

Let's go back to that song.  My Dad and I loved each other deeply, many times my mom has told me that I am very much like him.  She's probably right, because boy oh boy could we lock horns.  We could fight like pro-boxers, shoot maybe MMA, the scars run very deep. I'm sure for both of us.  He's been gone for a good minute now.  Thankfully, I don't retain those kind of memories, I know the day but the year?  Who knows.  In my world gone is gone.  It still hurts, marking time doesn't change that.

Birthday anyone?

Pretty sure it's the first time I saw him.

Nothing like a trip to IHOP!

My Dad was a firm believer that we needed to learn any and everything.  Guess that is where I got it.  He was bullheaded and didn't back down from a challenge.  I was thanking him as I worked on my mixer, for all the times he insisted that I learn basic electronics, for his insistence that we all got a basic knowledge or motors and engines. I'm sure there are many lessons that he taught me that I don't consciously remember. But as I pulled the motor brushing's and checked them I could hear his voice in my head.  With each screw I heard him reminding me to lay them out in the order I would need to return them. 

My Dad was not a musician that I can remember.  He loved music and shared it with us. Saturday dance parties were often happening, and no I didn't inherit the dancing skill at all, at least not if it didn't pertain to ballet... But this section of that song has always been the part that plays in my head and heart when I think of my Dad. 

"I thank you for the music and your stories of the road.  I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go.  I thank you for the kindness and the times when you got tough.  And Papa, I don't think I said I love you near enough..."

My Dad and I shared a love of adventure and experiencing all that life has to offer.  I remember so many times he forced us girls to experience places, things, history and life in general making memories along the way.  I say forced, because it wasn't negotiable, you participated.  But it wasn't forced, because I loved it all.  Until it was time to learn things like electric and motors.  I was terrified.  Although, I did try to model that for my kids as well.  Although, I didn't force things like electric and motors...

My Dad understood when I decided I was grown and ready to step out.  He wasn't happy, but he understood.  He left me a path home, although I didn't know it at the time. And he definitely let you know you had disappointed him and he could walk away cold.  I know I inherited that, although I try to control it.  I have at least 7 letters disowning me, and even more notes.  I didn't keep them all.  But some still remain. 

One of my favorite pictures

The last line, is the one that forever haunts me.  Did I tell him how much I loved him enough?  When he passed I was busy making a "career" - what a freaking joke.  I gave up precious time for people that wouldn't pour water on me if I was on fire.  But... I knew my dad was proud that I was accomplishing so much.  

I have tried very hard, since his passing to be present with the people I love, that lesson was painful and cut deeply.  I am not a great friend, I get lost in projects, ideas, dreams... and I do forget to make the calls.  I am terrible at checking in.  The people that matter to me are always in my thoughts, I just struggle to intrude in their lives.

I often struggle where my children and grand children are concerned.  Walking the line between being intrusive and present.  I pray they know that they are cherished and I am here for them while letting them live their best lives.  

I keep reflecting on the things that man shared.  I don't want to say those words to the people that matter in my life when the clock runs out.  I don't want to be haunted by worry that I didn't say I love you enough.  I don't want to let people wonder if they matter to me or if they crossed my mind.  And I never want to wonder what I would do without them.  If and when any of the loves in my life pass before me, I want that space to be filled with incredible memories, not the questions I have with my Dad.  I want the memories to not be tinged with regret.  And I want to be thankful for the gifts given, the knowledge, the joy, the bad stuff can linger in the background.  It's not a rich life without some bumps.  

One of my absolute favorites of my two favorite men!

Okay, this has been way too deep and I have a snigglet in my brain now... time to listen to a song, think about my Dad for a moment longer and get busy. I have things to do...

much love, 

b

it hits different...

Hubs and I have definitely had a few hectic weeks.  Between the chaos of the vehicles, the insanity of his job (I used to say career, but I feel more and more that is a very old fashioned term that doesn't fit what is happening in this world today), helping our girls, and just plain living.  Well, it's been chaotic.  One minute is rushing, the next is waiting.  One is spent longing for more hours in the day to finish something we enjoy, the next is spent in a bubble of disgust at how long the torture will last. 

The weather didn't help much either, like I said, it's been hectic.  It's been intense.  And oddly for me a bit therapeutic. The air in my car is being persnickety again. So I haven't been doing much of the driving as Mother Nature is once again reminding us that it is summer in the Midwest and it is going to be completely miserable, no matter what we think. I kind of giggle when folks start in about climate change and how insanely hot it is, only to have a memory pop up on social media from a decade or more back talking about the same miserable temperatures and humidity. 

Dang our memories get shorter every day.  

We've been helping our girl out with a few projects that have meant a lot of traveling and doing things.  Hubs has been driving. It's not that I can't drive the truck, I definitely can, I'm just short, it isn't sized great for me. Therefore, I have slid back into the time where he drove and I do some type of needlework while we travel about. While I work on projects I rarely gravitate towards my phone, I don't surf, I don't waste time playing mindless games.  I might pick it up because something has bounced into my mind that I want to look at or research for a moment, but it is rare that it lasts long.  I'm far too focused on my projects.  Even now, while I take a short break, I am longing to pick up my needles and get that last 2.5 inches done so I can start the waist band of the beautiful sweater.  

I've been lost in thought.  That is the beauty of knitting a basic stitch, your mind can wander, your thoughts are allowed to roam.  And, boy oh boy have mine been roaming, if they had a passport, I am fairly sure I would need additional pages.

I've daydreamed about future and unfinished projects.  About plans to get them finished and or started. I've wandered through the catalogs of ideas in my mind, I've made mental to do lists and added new hopes and dreams to the piles.  I've questioned whether we live long enough to chase all those dreams and when do we decide to prune the list.  Or do we ever? Do we just jump in with both feet and live life to it's absolute fullest?

Mostly, I've been exploring why I do some of the "crazy and old fashioned" things that I do.  Ya know, things like carefully washing and preparing organic grapes to make my sweet Hubs raisins. Or churning butter, definitely the new way thank you Kitchen Aid! Or maybe it's the yogurt that is always in some stage of being made in our home.  Maybe's it's making quilts or knitting sweaters.  And don't forget the garden or Hubs and I installing his new bumper, even if install was easy enough that I was simply needed to hold it steady while he tightened the nuts and bolts. 

Why don't I go the easy route?  Why am I not okay with the basic stuff from the store.  Why am I obsessed with living a very different life?  And I am obsessed. I don't fit in the boxes that the world seems to want us in.  I'm not a neat and tidy soul.  I'm chaotic on a good day.  On a bad... well... lets pretend those don't happen. 

I thrive on challenges, on thinking things through and coming up with solutions, ideas, hopes, yeah you get where this is going don't you?  I know, I am lost in the wrong generation.  This time frame isn't mine, never has been. 

There is a path to where these thoughts are heading, believe it or not.  Back when I worked in a non-profit one of the biggest questions is what is there of my middle age group kids.  Those kiddo's that were too old for day care and too young for adulthood (although this age seems to be getting older and older - something I find terrifying).  We struggled through many conversations, many brain storming sessions, never really finding a solution. 

Fast forward to the past few weeks.  The news has been filled with preteen and teen chaos (and definitely NOT the good kind).  Those lost ages seem to be getting more and more intent on filling their own time, in their own way and nothing good is coming out of it.  Businesses destroyed, property damage, masses of out of control youngsters that haven't learned about consequences or ever really faced them.  Heck I woke up to reading about two 16 year old - I struggle to call them kids when they can do what they did, that targeted and murdered 5 people, just across the river.  All just looking for something to absorb their energy, to kill the boredom they are facing and most importantly to be accepted by their peers.  Other young people that are just as lost and out of useful ideas are guiding the masses. 

Heaven help us all!

I often feel my generation started the snowball rolling at warp speed and none of us have stepped back long enough to see the entire situation as a whole. My generation was when mom's left the home en-mass to take up roles outside the home. The need for a second income seemed greater than the need for family stability.  Society was telling women that they were being treated like second class citizens, not having the same value and worth as a man, because they were trapped in their homes. 

Gen Xers started being the first full latchkey generation.  Do they still use that word?  Latchkey?  Or is it just a sense of normalcy now for kids to take care of themselves?

Women traded their roles as the CEO of the home for a cubicle somewhere in the name of progress. They started splitting themselves and home became the part time job stuck in around the real "job".  Women started chasing careers and the most important career ever, that of homemaker, parent, and CEO of the family took a backseat. 

Family mealtimes, chores, learning about life and holding kids responsible became less important. Who wants to always be fussing at their kids to raise them right, when they only have a few scattered moments at the end of the day and on weekends to be with them?

In my world this is a seriously deep topic.  One that a few years back I would not have agreed with.  It wasn't until I stepped back from it, that I realized how truly damaging it has been. Families have been shattered by governments and society.  The very things we trusted. 

I think conversations with my now almost 20 year old grand-daughter have been the most enlightening for me. Her lens is powerful in many ways.  My daughter was blessed by fate to be able to be a very engaged parent.  She is home with them, no one else raised them.  Are they perfect?  Heck no, is any person?  I rest my case. But her babies know their safest place in the world is with mom.  It doesn't matter what storms have come their way, and there have been many, they are a unit.  Nothing rocks that family, at least not long term, maybe for a mere moment. Even their brothers grew up knowing love and faithfulness.  That the momma of the family was the rock, the glue that held it all together. 

So many kids today are literally acting out to get mom and dad's attention.  They need that stability, they need to know that they matter more than a paycheck.  I sit back and observe what is going on, the kids, the moms, the dads, the way life is tossing and turning. Shoot even grandparents have been programmed to not have a role in the stability that is needed. 

My grand-daughter pointed out to me that when I was her age I was already a mom.  That by 20, I had lived on my own in another country, had been responsible for my own life, decisions and surviving it all.  She seemed in awe.  I thought it was normal.  As we spoke, I realized with a clarity that semi-scared me, that there is no way on this planet that my precious grand was prepared for any of that.  The schools, families and society as a whole aren't teaching them or providing space for them to learn those skills.  They've spent too much time drifting. Too much time being taught to be a cog in the wheel. Something that most of us naturally rebel against, even if we don't realize it. 

If you talk to my sweet Hubs, his memories revolve around helping his dad with the horses that were their stock and trade. He was only a preteen when he spent a summer basically living in the barn taking care of the horses during the summer.  Today, that would be considered abuse, back then it was normal.  It was a rite of passage into adulthood. He was learning skills, he was learning a trade.  He cherishes those memories.  They shaped who he is today.

I remember being 10 and feeling ashamed that my neighbor a sweet Greek girl named Maria the same age as I was, had already filled her hope chest with beautiful linen's that she had stitched herself.  She was so much more accomplished in homemaking skills because that was the culture.  It was expected to know how to do all of those things and more by a very young age.  It wasn't abuse, or neglect, it was love.  Loving your child and focusing your energy into passing on knowledge they would need to be a strong human in life. I spent hours desperately trying to figure it out, her momma in frustration ended up taking the piece back and finishing it herself. 

Decades later, that still stings.  I still try so hard to learn everything I can, because of that moment in time. Almost 51 years later, I remember the sting.  The tears of failure and the feeling of being less than. 

Is that where our kids are now?  Are they drifting along?  Are they struggling to get from point A to point B, because the road map is washed out in critical areas?  The skills aren't being taught, is it because they weren't learned in the generations before? How many kids today are responsible for a horse, or preparing meals, or making breads, or helping in the garden? Can they make their own clothing?  Prepare a home?  Heck plan a budget?

Is that where we started this slippery slope that we seem to be on? Sure they can learn to code.  I admit I hate that phrase more than anything.  Not everyone fits that world.  What are we doing, giving, teaching that is burning their natural energy?  How many of them are hiking, spending time in nature, fishing, hunting (if that is your thing), if the grocery stores we rely on vanished tomorrow could they forage? I saw a sign the other day that I want to make for my garden... "Every plant is edible... ONCE!"

How many realize what it takes to bring meals to the table?  Earn money?  Where are the youngsters mowing lawns because that is what is expected of them.  That they do things that contribute to the family and society as a whole.  If they were busy being productive how much of the chaos would disappear?  Where are the young Einstein's and Edison's?  Are the next generation of Wright Brothers being encouraged and motivated to go further than the generation before?  I am fairly sure I wrote about the young boys down the hill a few weeks ago that were developing their own transportation from a skateboard, lawn-chair and various bits of wood.  That is what we need to be encouraging.  Feeding that creative and inquiring nature. 

When did we stop with the mindset, that if they want to go to the movies, mall, store - whatever - they earn the dollars to go?  They sure aren't mowing yards, shoveling snow, raking leaves, having lemonade stands, babysitting, dog walking... whatever earned them a few spending dollars. Things that gave us a purpose as we were growing up, our children shun.  It's beneath them. And the few that do, want to retire on a few hours of work so you better be prepared to pay up if you want their help. 

And what about kids helping seniors in their area?  Does that occur?  Or are they just looking for the next good time?

Maybe the answer was never what could we provide to keep them busy so much as what is the expectation of what they could learn and do as they grew into adults. With responsibilities, there isn't time for chaos and destruction.  

When you have worked hard, you don't want what you have put your everything into to be ruined and destroyed. Years ago, when I first moved here I volunteered for a playground build.  I was in charge of a group on inner city kids and teaching them how to build the benches for the playground.  Talk about stressful, thank goodness the boards were pre-cut - I definitely wasn't up for teaching them to safely use saws.  There were more stripped screws than I could count, they had to learn to take them out and start over.  It was hot, we were in direct sun and it was all a bit overwhelming for kids that had never tried to build anything before. After a long 8 hours 3 big wooden benches had been built.  I gave them sharpies to sign their names on the underside.  Kind of like a secret, no one else knew they'd signed, but they did.  They were so proud of their work.  I've long since lost the picture of those smiling faces, the look of pride and satisfaction only lives in my memory.  Oh yeah, and the fact that several decades later those benches still sit untouched by damage, because they were proud of their work.

Have we failed generations of kids?  Is it too late? I personally do not think it's too late.  Sadly, I don't really think it is going to be an easy transition. Yet, I am hopeful.  I see a younger generation, I've given up trying to figure out what they are called at this point, the one my youngest grand daughter is in, that is pushing to change that. 

The ones shoving away the electronics.  The ones helping with chores, soaking up life skills like an all you can eat buffet.  I don't think it's too late.  I do wonder if we are willing to tough love them enough to make it out the other side in one piece. And for that matter tough love ourselves.  We lost skills, we lost ideals, hopes and dreams while chasing the easy way.  We have to be willing to push back.  

This morning there is an interesting smell wafting out of the kitchen, it's a combination of beef fat in the process of becoming tallow and kale chips that just finished dehydrating.  My beloved Kitchen Aid is sitting on the counter silent at the moment, waiting for the parts to tune her up.  Evidently that is something that I should have been doing regularly, I didn't know that, but the black oil pouring out of her last night taught me a new lesson.  By tomorrow she will be fine, technology has a place, but it isn't a replacement. 

The freeze dryer is loaded with a combination of soups for my daughter in law and vegetables that are getting a second life because I realized there is no way I was going to be able to use the bounty of the garden before it went bad. And shortly I will be chopping up some bread to dehydrate it and save for stuffing at a later date. 

Yesterday, as Hubs returned to work after vacation, I thoroughly cleaned the house and caught up on chores.  I've already picked most of today's harvest and tended the garden.  Now it's back to learning a new knitting stitch series to make my sweet Hubs elbow patches on his sweater. 

I want to teach others, so badly.  I don't want to see these precious skills drift off into nothing.  We become bored, complacent machines when we don't exercise our brains and bodies.  When we quite growing and learning we become nothing... At least that is how my brain works.  Now if I could just figure out how...

much love, 

b

going backwards!

Convenience kills skills.

The other day in the midst of the chaos that is my current life, while doing what seemed like an everyday thing for me lately, I heard those words on a podcast I was listening to.  

It's been rattling in my brain like a fire poker for days now.  The person speaking went on to explain their reasoning, their thoughts on the whole matter.  Oddly, it wasn't on one of my homesteading, gardening, homemaking type channels.  It was simply a random one that I stumbled on.  One I used to listen to all the time, but rarely take the time to listen to lately.  

I'm not the only one feeling it.  That's all I could think, that's all I could feel. I've struggled so hard lately with understanding the losses in skills.  They simply seemed to vanish. 

Convenience kills skills.  

I heard those words while I was making a batch of granola for Hubs' to enjoy on his yogurt.  A fresh batch of yogurt was almost done and ready to be strained.  Knowing how much he loves "yogurt & granola" and hating how many "chemicals" are in even the cleanest granola has, I decided it was time to learn. 

It's stupid easy, and I can add any fruits, nuts, grains, or spices that he loves.  I've stumbled on a combination or two that we both really love, but I am still searching for healthier options. The options for dried fruits at the store are pretty darn limited and they still have things in them that I don' want him to be eating.  I will start experimenting with both dehydrated and freeze dried fruits in the coming batches. Slowly, I am removing the things that I do not want in our lives. I am killing convenience so to speak. 

This weekend while Hubs and I were out and about we ran into one of the big box stores, the ones we usually avoid at all costs.  He needed a new swimsuit, he's lost over 50 lbs and all of his others were about to be a legal issue if he wore them to the pool. 

Since the fabric stores are disappearing at an alarming rate, along with you ability to make the things that one might need, and as he is still losing weight we didn't want to buy a super expensive one.  I have to tell you, I felt like I was experiencing an allergic reaction.  I was overwhelmed by the smells, the feels, the intensity of it all.  I didn't want to shop there, I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to be experiencing the glut of big commercialism. And was slapped in the face with the glaring difference between commercialism and capitalism, but that is a topic for another time.

I think I will keep killing convenience.  

In the evenings, while I sit with Hubs, I am working on a winter sweater for him.  It isn't as quick as running to the store, or ordering online.  It takes time.  Each stitch is intentional, each row is custom.  It's made of 100% wool.  It will keep him warm, it will fit perfectly, because it was made just for him.  No one else will have one like it.  It's an original.  I have found a few patterns that I like for myself and another one or two that I will make for him.  By the time the cold weather arrives, they will be finished.  I will be remaking the beautiful brown one I made for myself.  I've lost too much weight to wear it, I love the yarn, I will not waste it, I will use the yarn, I will make another sweater to love and cherish.  

As I was cleaning out closets I found a few beautiful pieces that I can alter for each of us.  Alter, repair, re-purpose.  Those things are all possible when you aren't buying fast fashion.  Things that are made with real material, not some varying version of plastics and chemicals.  Items that will end up in landfill, pollution and waste for faceless corporations to gather wealth. 

The items that were still in great shape, but simply not going to be altered or worn, I drove all the way down to Crystal City.  By happenstance, I found out about a great volunteer run "thrift store".  I use the "thrift" part loosely.  

I will make that drive from now on, it's only about 40 minutes each way.  They only charge a quarter for anything someone needs to buy, they will gladly give it away if someone can't afford that amount.  The sign on the wall said $1 donation required to help keep the lights on.  While I was unloading everything I watched a woman wheel out a bike for her son, her eyes glassy a huge smile on her face.  She didn't have a dollar, she did have some things to donate instead.  Creating a circle that was beautiful and made my rotten day (it was definitely one for the books, nothing was going as planned) turn completely around.  Blessings abound if you are willing to pause and look for them.

Yes these things take time.  LOTS of time. That was stolen from us, along with the skills to make it happen. My daughter blessed me with a beautiful old wooden table this weekend, it's been abused a bit, neglected and in need of love.  I am so excited to work on it, to see what kind of difference I can make with it.  Some of those skills I learned in the past, some I will need to learn, some will require a learning curve. I'm game.

I learned to create an AI assisted photo of my pups
and install a screen on my car to cool the interior.

I'm sitting for a moment.  Relaxing, catching my breath. I've already been super busy today, Hubs had to rush to work around 6ish this morning, so after I packed his lunch and got him off, I kicked it into high gear.  It's 11:30 now, and I have accomplished so much. 

So far the gardens have been tended, watered and ready for a new day.  Some of the front flower beds have been weeded.  The laundry has been done, just waiting on the last of it to dry.  I've tidied the house, dusted and swept, still need to mop.  Just thought I'd wait until I quit walking back and forth over the floors I want to clean.  In the midst of all that I have cleaned out the fridge made a huge batch of fire starters (again, getting ready for winter is not something that one should wait until November for).  I gave Beau his mani/pedi - Belle took off to hide so I might forget about her's... Jokes on her I have it on my to do list, there will be no forgetting. I've climbed more steps than I wanted to (it was a busy weekend - I really wanted to be lazy) and for a moment, I will rest. 

shhhh... mom can't see me.

I'm a good boy!  There were treats promised.

I spent some time with some delightful young people not to long around, they were lamenting the skills that are no longer readily taught.  Cooking, sewing, wood working, gardening, auto mechanics, basic life skills. They were voicing concerns over how difficult it is find a way to learn those things, how even in the family home aren't being passed down.  As people are too busy just trying to make a living.  How they've stopped making a life. Personally, I will continue to learn and grow.  I will continue to kill convenience. If I can't do it myself, I will either learn or find someone that is doing those things I can't and either purchase it or learn from them.  I will also share my skills and knowledge with anyone that longs to learn.  

We really do need to refocus.  We need to stop being consumers, we need to become producers.  We need to support one another on that journey.  And frankly, I am praying there is a will to do just that.  This weekend was full of adventures, some of which I am still processing, because wow, just wow. 

I hope you take a moment each day to be inconvenienced.  I hope that you take that moment to explore doing something the hard way.  The richness of the reward is so fulfilling.  It's incredible how much more important something becomes when you work for it.  Not pay money, but work, sweat of your brow and fully self engaged in it.  The amount of appreciation you have for the finished result, there are not words. 

bowl + sweater

My sweet Hubs made me a new yarn bowl - I broke my last one.  I love it. And even more than how beautiful it is.  I love the memory of watching him carefully paint the layers, knowing he was thinking about me while creating it.  Sure he could have ordered one from Amazon, but it would just be stuff then.  It wouldn't be the treasure it is.  He made that for me, he cared enough to work on it, to learn the skill and execute the finished product.  In my world, that screams love!  I wasn't just a task on his to do list. 

We've been blessed with a beautiful day, in fact we've been blessed with a series of them.  So in a few moments I will go outside to build my last two flower beds and line them, get ready to fill them with dirt and an unbelievable amount of zinnia seeds. 

I guess I should stop sitting around, I don't know about you, but sometimes if the chair feels too comfortable, the rest goes too long, the momentum of the day goes right along with it and that is the end of things being accomplished.  I have work to do, things that make life meaningful and rich... so back to it! 

drifting snow and questioning thoughts...

Sitting here by the fire, filled to the brim with the blessings I have been given in this life.  Hubs and the pups are sitting in front of the fire, I'm curled in my chair with a combination of bloody mary and coffee, snow is steadily falling.  Life is good. 

The pups have been outside to romp in the snow that is already to their chests, Beau is good with it, in fact he loves being out in the snow.  Belle, well she really wants to play in the snow for as long as her brother, but her coat is much lighter and she starts shivering like crazy and has to come back in fairly quickly.  They both seriously enjoy being on the deck munching on mouthfuls of snow and rolling in the slight accumulation that is out there. 

Yesterday ended up mild. Things were closed, but it was out of an abundance of caution, the storm didn't roll in as quickly as was projected. Today is a totally different game.  Things need to be closed today.  We don't have enough people working to remove the snow from the walks, heck our street hasn't even been salted or shoveled and they usually do it fairly quickly and multiple times. I worry about folks feeling brave and a bit silly from yesterday and pushing things today.  It's slick and piling up quick out there. 

Actually, I am questioning people and things in general today.  I was weeding through my email this morning and noticed one on Nextdoor.  I was puzzled by it.  Seems that the toilet paper shortage was simply the start of the random shortages.  We are not a third world country, so when there are shortages of any kind, people tend to lose it.  Over the holidays cream cheese was a huge issue.  Honestly with the way we eat that was a bit of a pain.  I use a lot of cream cheese in out meals.  I didn't freak out, I didn't lose my mind, I simply changed up our menu and thought outside the box. 

I have not bought packaged biscuits in literally years, just not something I have felt strongly that I needed.  Evidently it is the new french toast when it snows and the community is going crazy because you simply cannot find them anywhere. Seems they have been absent from the shelves for months.

So many theories are being literally raged over.  Supply lines, illness, workers, trucks, feeding refugees... my head was spinning because I couldn't help myself and read the comments.  I probably fall firmly on the folks that are saying just break out your own ingredients and make your own they aren't that hard to make. 

I guess what I keep taking away from all these random shortages, the kind that make absolutely no sense at all is that I feel we are being conditioned to accept less, to deal with not having what we want or need. One lady even commented that the bar soap was almost non-existent. 

I know that I am an odd duck, I understand that most people do not make their own soaps, that they have long since given up on basic cooking skills that just a few decades ago were critical life skills taught in our school systems.  Do they even offer those classes anymore?  Cooking, sewing, wood and metal shop?  Those are things that have extreme value in our lives.  I know they don't offer anything to do with gardening. They just cram more useless information into our children.  They simply don't give them life skills.  

I don't necessarily believe that the shortages are due to anything other than control. I personally feel a lot of what is going on now is about control. I have never done well with control. I even had obey taken out of my wedding vows. I am all about being self-sufficient.  Maybe that is why I have learned some of the skills I have, I don't know, I've always been drawn to learning the old ways. 

I just got a delivery of soaping supplies yesterday, and will probably be making a few batches of soap this week.  As my youngest grand daughter informed me, I am out of her favorites.  It's not a supply chain thing it's a lazy thing.  I've been busy being unbusy.  Reading the comments about soap being in short supply I realized I should get some made, same thing with making sure I have supplies on hand to make laundry soap if need be. 

It's also looking like I can finally make a batch of rebatch soap, we save all the bits and pieces (I don't think we have bought chemical laden bars in over a decade) and I will shred them up and make a new batch of soap with them.  That batch will not be a thing of beauty, I am guessing it will be a muddy color and it will need a nice scent, the old ones will heat away.  But if you don't waste what you have then you don't worry when the "supply chain" acts up. 

I will admit to regretting not making the time to take classes to learn to make cheese, I wanted to sign up so badly over the years, but frankly I thought work was more important.  On this side of life, I realize that was incredibly stupid and shortsighted.  And I actually doubt the reality of my thoughts at the time.  Was I too busy?  Or did I just not realize the value of it all?

Do I think there will be more shortages?  Absolutely.  I feel we are being programmed and taught fear.  I'm not okay with it, but I do feel it is happening.  It's a method of control. I don't have any great biscuit recipes to share, I don't use flour any longer in my cooking, but I'm sure if you are one of those folks losing their minds about the biscuit shortage of 2022, there are tons of great recipes out there and if all else fails, grab a box of Bisquick or Jiffy and whip up a batch of drop biscuits.  

I know I made some delicious lemon ricotta scones yesterday that Hubs and I enjoyed for breakfast and snacks for two days.  Cost was minimal and results were heavenly. Far better than I ever remember any ready made food tasting.  Not to mention that you get such great satisfaction out of pulling them out of the oven, knowing that you made them. It's just something you can't experience from a can... although that popping sound was pretty cool. 

I know that I listen to an assortment of people, my YouTube is about as eclectic as you can get.  I believe strongly in learning everything I can and exploring lots of ideas with an open mind and heart.  I will tell you most of the folks I listen to, even the ones that you would never, ever say were on the same wave length have been saying to have a stock of things you use on a regular basis for over a year now.  They have been warning.  With these shortages, I definitely think it was something to pay attention to. 

Maybe it isn't because of stores closing, or hyperinflation, or the planets, or... they all have their own reasons for suggesting it, but seems they were all trying in their own way to encourage self-reliance.  Just go to the store prior to a storm and see what you find. I sometimes go, just to look around, honestly I have most everything I need on hand at all times. 

I figure I just needed to reason this out, to encourage you to learn a new skill or two.  To experience life in a fuller capacity.  Not having to rely on supply chains or market control.  Those "hobbies" come in awfully handy at times like these. 

Well, I'm gonna throw another log on my fire and fill up my coffee cup.  The pups are worn out from their 10 minute romp in the snow covered treetop garden and are sleeping soundly.  Seems like a great time to get a bit of knitting down while watching the falling snow.  That sweater will be nice to have now that it is so cold. I also want to whip up a batch of paw lotion for my babies feet.  They will get sore if they keep going out in this white stuff. 

love and peace... stay safe...