the world is heavy...

My home smells like an exotic marketplace somewhere.  Visions of Aladdin are flowing through my mind.  Or the beautiful outdoor markets of my youth, Greece, Italy, France, Germany... all the beautiful smells are definitely taking me to warmer climates and softer days.  

The freshly ground rich smell of coffee is marrying with the star anise, cardamon pods, cinnamon and ginger.  Topped off by the smell of grapes from the jello.  The softness of clean linens providing the backdrop.  I should definitely start my day like this a bit more often.  

Outside the snow is still lingering.  Slowly receding from the warmth at the sides of the house.  The sky is dark and heavy, like it is whispering that more snow could be heading our way.  I wonder if that is a whisper or a threat. I'll take a threat, but I sure don't feel I need a promise.  We've got enough. Looking at the forecast, it appears we might even be in for a bit of a warm up, if you consider 40° a warm up.  I'll take it, these single digit's have been kicking my butt.  

The pups and I want to go for a long walk, we need some fresh air. It looks like it is on the way.  I'll just quickly send up a silent prayer at this moment.  A friend of mine keeps sharing the weather in Minot vs. here at home... gotta say I never thought I would be jealous of Minot, but here we are. 

Hubs had to go to work super early this morning.  We have a visitation to go to this afternoon, and he needs to get his eight. So the early morning found me fixing hot beverages and making lunch for him.   I figured I was on a roll so why not just keep rolling.  I can't believe I just gave Beau his 8 am meds and I am pretty much done with my morning chores.  Unbelievable. It feels good to start the day off with a bang.  Guess that is why I always loved the early morning shifts... the whole day is still stretched out before me and I feel energized to actually use it. 

Beau doesn't believe in personal space
Poor Belle is getting crowded

I've got something weighing on my mind that I am longing to talk out. Have you ever had something trigger your emotions?  Something make you feel out of control and angry without a clear reason why?  I try hard to not have that happen.  But every now and again, something small will light up that part of my brain.  That darn amygdala gets hijacked and pulling it back to center feels like it takes every bit of energy and strength you have.  

This weekend I had that happen.  It was innocent, but my brain went haywire.  My darn feelings were on fire and I didn't know how to respond.  It was a nothing thing.  Seriously.  But not inside my head. It felt like I was fighting against every slight, every pain, every emotion that I had ever experienced.  The rational side of me was pretty darn disgusted with the emotional side, let me tell you.  Like I said it was simply me taking something in a way that wasn't meant. 

I think we all have those moments.  Where something is presented to us, harmlessly, but in such a manner that it sets us off.  It makes us feel irrational and out of control.  Attacked. Hard to believe that a tiny bit of gray matter in the brain can cause those emotions, those feelings.  But... it does. 

I'm starting to feel like the global population are all fighting that battle with themselves.  And as they are struggling to get a grip on what they are feeling, they are starting to lash out. Working on ways to even the "score" that their brains are amplifying.

A friend of mine, someone I used to truly adore and respect has been traveling down that dark road for a bit now. I've silently watched the change in who they are as a person, saddened for the loss I've watched happen.  The other day they shared something on Facebook that was an easily verifiable falsehood, and written to cause hate and discontent.  It was for laughs - is how they posed it.  Reading it, reading the comments and their defense of it, made me ill.  Brought a sadness to me that I didn't quite expect.  Their defense of it was that it was funny, even if untrue and that made it okay. With absolutely no concern to the fact that is was a blatant lie and in this day and age people don't search for the truth when a lie makes them feel better about their own thoughts. Hmmm... wasn't that warned about in the Bible and other teachings?

In this powder keg of a world we are living in right now, stirring a hornets nest to calm your own emotions and justify them hardly seems prudent. 

Everywhere I turn I am seeing people reacting out of frustration and anger.  They are pushing those emotions on others instead of stepping back and calming themselves. Looking deeper to see what is causing them to be in a constant state of unease. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and the overarching theme was about how we seem to be locked in a constant struggle to be right, to be the victor, when what we really need is to splash around a lot of love.  

I can't say I disagree.  

I have been walking away from a lot of things and people that bring me anxiety and stress.  If you are a negative Nelly and only want to tear people down.  Sorry, we aren't going to continue being friends or even acquaintances. If I go to your business and you are ugly, well, I am not required to frequent your business.  This isn't something that has happened overnight, nor are the decisions something I am making irrationally.  I give grace, but I refuse to live with abuse in any form. 

Now, I realize that in a work situation or professional relationship, it isn't that easy.  And you can't exactly yell at someone telling them that their "style" is really hurting your working relationship.  I've been there.  I completely get that one.  It definitely feels like more and more "leaders" are not exactly leading anymore, they are attacking or dictating from on high.  I've watched managers berate people, put them down, cause them grief simply because they can. I've witnessed rudeness to peers and subordinates that makes my brain do flip flops trying to understand it all. 

I've watched the woman that leads the aqua therapy at the VA treat veterans in her care with a harsh and uncaring manner.  I can't even say bordering on rudeness, she is flat out horrible to them.  Not only are these men and women veterans that served their country thanklessly, they are also the reason that she has a job.  One for which she doesn't seem very grateful. 

My question is why?  What is triggering these actions.  The hatefulness is exhausting.  It keeps everyone in a state of defense and no one is communicating or working together.  Is that the plan?  To just divide us all on every level?  To keep our amygdala's in an constant state of hijack where we no longer have the ability to be civil and caring to one another?  Does that attitude make them feel better about themselves?  Are the people losing control of themselves even aware of the shotgun effect of their actions and words?  Do they care? 

I pray that I am not doing that to others.  I pray that when my amygdala gets hijacked that I am able to always step away and recenter myself.  This weekend, I knew it was entirely a me thing, I knew it was my past pains and hurts stepping forward to steal center stage.  Stupid.  Yes, an entirely human response. Once I was able to sort out why I reacted the way I did, I was able to move forward.  Sometimes innocent comments can cause those emotions.  How we react is the difference.  If I had exploded in anger or been petty, those would not have been appropriate and would have escalated a nothing into a something. 

It feels like a lot of people these days are escalating that nothing. And the something is getting uglier by the moment.  I'm watching things that literally break my heart.  People that I would have described as caring, honest, even nurturing are showing a side that is just plain gross.  People from another lifetime, people I respected, that inspired me.  I am watching them destroy others in a quest I can't understand.  Nothing in this world is worth anything if it has to have destruction of another to achieve it.  

I don't have answers.  Only observations that cause me to stop and ponder.  It's easier from the outside.  Most of what I am watching is heartbreaking. I truly have no solutions.  Only questions. 

I will keep doing my best to offer hope, love, encouragement.  I don't want to fight someone else's amygdala.  Heck I have enough trouble keeping my own in check. A very long time ago I was assigned to read a book "Switch: How to change when change is hard" by Chip Heath. I only vaguely paid attention, because honestly I hate being assigned to do just about anything.  The bits I did read really stuck with me, and I should probably revisit it, because I think it is valuable, especially in this time we are living in, in a way I didn't understand back then. Says the woman that just dug out her Nook and put it on charge - hopefully it still works it's been in the cupboard for years....

Wow, I have definitely rattled on today, I am guessing things are making me a bit frazzled around the edges and I'm not in the thick of it. I'm going to continue doing the best I can to help everyone around me get into a calmer spot, a slower space.  I'm going to continue to encourage everyone to step back.  Shut off the television, the computer, the phone.  Remember the 80's and before.  Go outside, breath fresh air (okay now I know I'm frazzled) and simply be.  Smell some spices. Dig into some of those granny/grandpa skills and hobbies, and if you've forgotten them, maybe it's time to get back in touch with them.  Remind yourself... 

The laundry is wrapping up, there are a few more chores to deal with and then I intend to focus in on things that will get us closer to plan. What does your day look like, how are you reconnecting? 

much love, 

b

quiet time...

The house is still, almost too still.  It's the quiet time.  That time after the craziness we self-impose for the Christmas holiday, before the coming new year. It's peaceful, and edgy at the same time. This year has been different, we deliberately slowed everything.  We didn't force anything.  By family agreement gifts were small and intentional.  Useful, needed, worthy of the effort and time. Or they simply weren't bought at all. 

This morning, I'm the one awake.  The pups are snoozing within sight of mom, their usual place.  Hubs is upstairs napping, the sounds of sleep music is seeping up the stairs, although I'm sure he's long since fallen into a deep sleep and is oblivious to it. The "kids" (is that an appropriate term when they are past their mid-30's?) flew home yesterday, making the quiet even deeper. 

There have been many quiet mornings over this vacation time for them all.  By default, my usual chaotic need to be doing things has slowed also.  Well, that and the broken thumb I managed to give myself. So much stops when you do something stupid like that. 

As I was upstairs silently working on the ironing and tidying, I felt an overwhelming need to write.  Which is incredibly weird, due to the fact that the thoughts and feelings washing over me are calling for peace, for restraint, for silence.  

It feels like 2025 was a slap in the face to almost everyone I know.  I literally do not have a single person in my sphere that hasn't battled some type of challenge.  Multiple challenges.  Struggles, battles, fears, losses, anxiety - you name it, it's been full force. 

My personal ones have all revolved around health, my own, my pets, my immediate family, my extended family.  It's been a humdinger and my Dad used to say.  I started the year with the left side of my face paralyzed and drooping (mostly recovered - still a few minor tweaky things), my pup in doggy ICU.  Just as we were swinging out of that loop the cycle repeated itself.  Right side of face paralyzed, pup back in doggy ICU... ugghhh... I've had serious threats to my vision, a reaffirmation that the gift of Lyme never goes away and ending the year with a broken thumb, because... well... I'm me. 

Yet moving into 2026, it feels calm.  I am feeling the anxiety and stress fading, everywhere I turn there feels like a healing is happening.  Like maybe there is a reason everyone was slowed. That things needed an almost stand still. I don't know.  It's just a feeling that is washing over me in the quiet moments.  

It's like birthing pains, the good doesn't happen without the pain. Is that the journey we've been on?  I don't know, I just know that for the first time in a very long time I am feeling a state of more peace.  Not perfect, not immediate, but like you can actually see and feel it.  I don't have as much intense anxiety.  I am slowly not feeling myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am sensing a strong feeling of completion.  That is the only way I can describe it.  

It feels like we've been on a strange roller coaster and the end loop is behind us.  Now comes the part where you stand up and even though your legs are shaky and you might have left your stomach on the loop way back in August. With your head is still wobbly, you are trying to orient yourself, you are also able to make your way off the platform.  Still green, but breathing.  

These few weeks of quiet and stillness, have had my brain swirling around.  Looking at things differently.  Celebrating victories, praying over remaining challenges and creating a pathway forward. Feeling like I need to slough off some things.  Like I need to release others. There are plans that are solidifying, there are thoughts that are slowly becoming tangible.  Things are simply appearing.  Walls seem to be shifting, life seems to be mellowing. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, it feels okay to make plans, to think through things without that strong "what if" hanging over your head. Many things are still fuzzy outlines, waiting to burst forth into fruition, but they feel possible now.  They feel like they are simply waiting to be unwrapped instead of turned away from in dismay. 

The coffee is hot, how did we not know about the beauty of a french press? The first load of laundry is finishing.  There are plenty of things to do, yet none seem urgent.  This peaceful quiet time between Christmas and New Year feels life giving.  The candles softly burning, the silence, the peace.  I don't have a burning desire to fill it.  I simply want to dream and plan.  The hustle of life will come barreling back in all too soon.  The busyness and responsibilities are waiting, lingering just out of sight. 

Today is for dreaming.  I have some big ideas, but they are needing to be silent.... 

Much love, 

B

seclusion...

It's just a touch past 8 am... I already feel like I've put in a full day's work.  This heatwave (better known as summer in the mid-west) is in full force.  The humidity is unreal, making it seem far hotter than it really is.  I get up super early all the time, it's who I am.  During the season of ick, better known as summer around these parts it is a pure blessing.  I accomplish all of my outside tasks in the early morning coolness as the sun just starts to lighten the skies.

I have one set of garden beds that are still drinking in the semi-cool water, I'm giving that one a few more minutes than the rest.  My poor hydrangeas are seriously protesting this season, longing for the cool, wetness of spring time.  They are being complete drama queens, laying down each afternoon in complete surrender, offering up their tender leaves to the heat of the afternoon.  Pleading for an extra pitcher of water to quench their dire thirst.  Only to be fresh and beautiful in the morning light. 

Will the pretty blue make it... not this year.

Yesterday was spent in the kitchen, we'd picked up 20 lbs of Georgia peaches and 10 lbs of Washington cherries over the weekend and I needed to process them all. I still have about 5 lbs of peaches to go, but they are destined for a few cobblers and any that are left will be canned or freeze dried to savor later in the year when they are not readily available, we'll be able to open and enjoy a taste of summer.  

I've been experimenting with my freeze dryer, having moved on from making candies for the kiddo's.  Now its fruits and veggies.  I've fallen in love with freeze dried fruits, the intensity of them is unreal.  There is a batch of peaches in there right now, and cherries are on trays in the freezers waiting their turn.  If you have never tried freeze dried cherries, I highly recommend them! I started on the fruit journey a few weeks ago, when my dear friend and I crazily decided to go blueberry picking.  Over 11 pounds of fresh blueberries later, I definitely had to do something before they went bad.  Next I'm hoping to try some veggies, I've heard they are the most delicious chips when done correctly.  True veggie chips... 

This season has brought me another precious surprise, my Rose of Sharon is finally in full bloom again.  As I stood there in the quiet watering it this morning, I was remembering the first time I knew what it's name was and how much I treasure it.  My oldest and closest friend was here for my 50th birthday, and as we stood outside she told me what it was.  The next summer my grandson damaged all of them while trying to remove the honeysuckle that was taking over everything on the hillside.  I feared they would never return.

For years I've had a random bloom here, a random one there, but never a full covering of the beautiful flowers.  This year is different.  This year is brilliant. I just wish I could photograph it for you to enjoy, sadly, there are so many trees behind it that it fades into the background. I would love to have even more of them, anyone ever successfully grown one from seed?

skeeter plant anyone?

chocolate cherry tomatoes
maybe by July 4 

the holy basil is incredible this year
may be able to harvest for teas

I've really been wrapped up in my garden, yard and house this year.  I've felt a strong need to simply be.  I'm not engaging in much.  I'll glance at the news and socials off and on, but mostly I'm not.  I feel like so much is playing out all around us and I don't want to participate. 

Maybe that is selfish, I'm not sure.  Maybe it is more a case of self-preservation. I'm tried of the ugly, the insanity, everywhere.  I hardly go out and about because it is like a blanket over humanity.  I'm tired. 

I took the youngest grand to the pool the other day. I walked in circles in the lazy river, following her ever bobbing head as she stayed just ahead of me, I was subjected to so much taking place all around me. I was stunned.  The conversations, loud and obnoxious were distasteful.  The ugly was strong.  

I watched so many parents/grand parents... who knows maybe babysitters or siblings, show up with kiddo's not much older than our dragon.  They would put their stuff on a chair, tell the kids to go play and sit down with their phones, never once reengaging with their children.  I watched kids longing for attention, doing everything they could to get some.  It was heart breaking. Because when the cute stuff didn't work, they settled for bad and mean, anything to get the person ignoring them to have to engage. 

Waiting in line for her snack, we were forced to listen to a high school boy, intent on "impressing" the bikini clad girl.  The profanity in the midst of all the kids was so intense, he loudly vocalized thoughts on maintaining a job - disheartening, what girls wanted in a guy (he has a lot to learn I'm afraid), how school was a waste of time (hmmmm), and on and on, it was a long wait in the direct sun.  It was so bad that dragon asked to go play in the water nearby and she would come back when I got closer.  

There is just so much that is overwhelming.  I understand that things change, that each generation has to find their own rhythm and make their own rules, but dang... Young man, just showing up and doing as little as possible, is probably not going to move you forward to self sufficiency, especially since you feel that an employer cannot fire you as long as you are simply there.  

I often tell Hubs that it is our generations fault.  He's a boomer, I'm the first of Gen X.  We were the ones with the super strict parents, with good reason, but who can see that as a kid?  We were the original latch key kids, the ones that made our own way, as long as we were home when Dad whistled and those street lights came on. We rebelled, we didn't want that for our kids.  Hmmmm... wondering now if a bit of restraint in that area would have been good.  

a little nap on the ride home...

It all moves in cycles, the weather, growth of people, decline of people, money, economies, governments, education, the list is quite endless.  We are going through a very interesting time.  I'm sure we survive it, I'm sure we find commonalities and the like.  I guess I am becoming an old woman (yikes, I actually had the young kid at the pool tell me I was a senior the other day, I am still over a month from 60 thank you very much). 

For now, I feel strangely drawn to the peace I find in my own little spot in the world. Time with Hubs, chattering about hopes, dreams and plans. Puttering in the gardens, saving seeds for the next season.  Spending hours working on quilts and other art projects, feathering my nest with beauty. Spending time in person or on the phone with dear friends.  My life is full.  I don't need the chaos of the external world.

Before the summer is over, I hope to make a few barn quilts, I want to hang them on my backyard gates.  Slowly but surely we are creating a peaceful, sanctuary/outside living room on the lower patio.  Some of the work will wait until it cools in early fall.  

Now that the grass and flowers are growing where the Bradford pear tree used to stand, it's so enjoyable to sit down there. Once the temperatures chill off a bit, we will build a lattice wall to grow some clematis on. The one thing we've noticed is that in removing the trees we have forsaken a great deal of privacy.  A living wall will be beautiful. I may even paint a few smaller barn quilts to hang on the concrete walls, although I would truly love to paint the walls, the concrete is simply ugly. 

Ahhh... plans. 

Since Hubs is not home for lunch today, I'm going to plant up the planter he just got me and head up to the sewing room for a few hours.  I have a lot I want to accomplish and this brutal heat is definitely leading me inside to hide. 

I hope you are finding the pure beauty in your lives....

love and prayers, b

anxiety...

I'm busy wading through right now.  When the world falls off it's tracks or has a hiccup I can easily get derailed.  Thrown off balance as I tumble into a really weird place.  I'm not  sure if this is who I've always been.  Probably.  I feel that as my life course changed and I've had the time to take the breaths. To step back and let all the feelings and emotions roll over me. To simply experience all the things that I would have trampled down and ignored in my younger years, I feel a different understanding. 

The past 5 days sent me reeling a bit off track.  Thursday as I was sewing, pacing myself, planning to at least have Hubs' quilt top ready in time for his birthday, I heard his frantic yell up the stairs.  Beau was having another grand mal seizure. The first breakthrough one since Christmas morning.  As I ran down the stairs, my fingers already dialing the vet, I felt it all start to slip.  Four muzzle seizures later found Beau and I at the emergency vet, poor guy only seems to cluster and needs medical intervention to stop them. 

A few hours later I signed his admission paperwork and felt that overwhelming despair that comes from feeling powerless, from having more questions than answers and feeling equally annoyed with myself that I had not been able to stay with him.  If I had driven slightly further to the other emergency clinic, I would have been able to stay with him. But I was alone in the car, driving through the rain with a dog in the backseat that could start into another grand mal seizure at any moment.  I made the only choice I felt I could. 

He's fine, we're sorting out a new medication routine and tomorrow he'll see his regular vet, the fear in my heart is what is  trying to convince me that he's sleeping more than usual.  I know it's only fear, because his sister is crashed out too, almost as much and she is my energetic pup. 

The challenge is getting things back on track.  The lost sleep, the anxiety, the fear all of it makes me feel like I am spiraling.  To do lists, plans and ideas do nothing to pull me back to the path I need to be on.  It's a feeling of being lost.  Of knowing what you need and want to do vs the dark pit of what you are lost in. 

I spent most of Friday, just pacing.  I got an 11 pm call Thursday that he'd had another seizure so I knew the earliest he was coming home would be the middle of the night Friday, they require 24 hours seizure free to release him.  I get it.  The mature side of my brain was still in control, I fully expected a Saturday morning release, so we could be well rested and ready to take care of him while he recovered.  

Belle and I were absolutely lost.  She was glued to my side, hating that her brother left and hadn't come home. To make it worse a second day of storms had rolled in.  Dark, foreboding, loud and intense.  Together we snuggled, we prayed, we went upstairs and worked on the quilt, we watched minutes turn into hours.  As long as that day felt, I should have been able to finish that top. She slept the night cuddled in my arms.  My "I need my space" puppy needed to be reassured. 

Saturday morning, I woke up bright and early. I was very optimistic, I'd spoke with the vet before going to bed, he was doing good and as long as he had no more seizures he'd be home the next day. I slept like a baby.  I was already showered and dressed when I got the call that he was heading home! I finally felt like crying.  Belle must have understood my words, because she grabbed a toy and started bouncing, her brother was heading home. 

Saturday was another lost day.  Snuggles, going in and out, walking him up and down stairs as all of the medications wore off.  Feeding him, well both of them, but mostly him.  They informed me he wouldn't eat kibble.  I'd told them several times that they don't like or eat kibble.  That all of their meals are cooked for them, I even offered to bring his meals up.  I work hard to provide them well balanced healthy meals. 

They also said that he didn't want to go potty in the rain.  Nope, that isn't it.  He didn't want to go potty on the end of a short lead.  Beau is private like that, always has been.  So I am guessing that explained the 10 trips up and down the back steps so he could relieve himself.  He'd been holding it for a day and a half. 

Today is the first time he is doing his own thing. The velcro pups have spent the day lounging in their respective sofas, beds, sun spots, etc. Only checking in when they are requiring an extra bit of love or making sure that the mail man hasn't gotten too close to the house. 

Yesterday, I started trying to pull myself back.  I managed a few chores, I focused on being a human.  Doing the human things.  I cooked my sweet Hubs real meals.  I went to the grocery store, I delivered some things to my sister.  I was almost functioning. The pups were even playing.

Today, I was bound and determined to do better.  I wasn't about to sit helpless.  Getting down on the floor to play with pups was not going to be my only activity.  Today I was going to move past being human and move onto adulting. As I sat down to write this almost an hour ago, it was the first time I stopped doing the things today.  The house is tidied, laundry was actually completed.  I did some canning, I have a batch of yogurt cooking in the Instapot (been on my to try list forever!). I have gone up and down the stairs at least 30 times checking on pups, I've updated the calendar, made a vet appointment, and even taken care of some business that was sitting waiting for my attention. 

I also made my sweet Hubs a birthday cake, although we are not doing a huge celebration this year.  And he's actually getting his present next Sunday.  We were able to make one of his lifelong dreams come true.  Boy I can't wait to tell you all about that! 

I spent my day focused on adulting, because my wonderful Hubs doesn't need a broken human that can't function because "someone moved my cheese".  Tomorrow I will do even more adulting. He won't get his quilt today. Shoot he might not get it this month, but he knows that I am working on it.  

I guess I've always been this way.  I don't recall when it started, so my only guess is forever.  Those small things become huge.  The huge things become insurmountable.  It's an effort to climb over that little hill to see there is truly a smoother journey on the other side. 

Today, I am tired and emotionally weary, but it's different. Just like the way the clouds rolled away and the sun came out today. Today, I am also physically tired and that is a good thing.  

Love and prayers...

in the early dawn...

The sky was just starting to lighten, the coffee was nice and hot and I was actually sitting in the treetop garden wearing a sweatshirt because it was all of 58°, all while watching the puppies run zoomies around the yard.  In my world it's the perfect start to a Sunday morning.  Hubs woke up and joined me, adding a fire in our solo stove, could a morning get any better?  We used to always start our mornings sitting together in front of a fire in the back yard at our home in Illinois.  In fact we watched many sunrises doing just that while day dreaming and manifesting the life we wanted. 

We've whiled away a few hours doing just that.  Sitting, chatting, daydreaming and enjoying this beautiful gift of a morning.  The solo stove is awesome, a few little bits of wood provides the perfect amount of heat to take the chill away, without marring the beauty of a cool late spring morning.  Looking at the weather it looks like this is our last chilly morning for a long while, we had to make the best of it. 

In a few hours we will head over to the girls house to have lunch.  Hubs made a batch of his pork steaks.  We decided on the girl's house, because she has a full house of kids and honestly, our house is simply not kid friendly.  The eldest will join us and we will spend the afternoon chatting, munching and enjoying time with the family. 

I'm currently trying to decide if I want to head out to the grocery first or if I want to get the canning done that is on my agenda for today.  My friends delivered the meat they smoked last night, don't want to leave it waiting too long. I also need to get some jellies done for another friend.  He's trading me jars for some low sugar jellies.  I sure do love horsetrading.  

For now, I'm sitting here watching the birds fly in for breakfast.  The fire is down to embers and my pups are sitting beside me resting after their morning romp. I love this life. 

I spent a bit of time weeding and puttering with my garden this morning.  Exploring how to make my own vinegar, I hate to waste any bit of the harvest and it appears that I will be able to make this happen relatively easily. I was checking my jalapeno plants this morning and it sure looks I will be able to can up a few more jars and still have enough to make my youngest grand some of the jalapeno jelly that she loves.  

craziest tomato flower I've ever seen...

I can't bring myself to tear out the peas just yet, they are still producing small pods.  I'm gonna give them a few more days before I plant the other seeds.  Beans grow super fast, so it won't be a problem getting them grown before the end of the growing season.  

Hubs and I were thinking about putting in some more raised beds in the back yard. He is still dreaming about building me a green house.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I would love one, I have wanted one forever.  But honestly, I'm cheap.  It kills me to spend money on things I want.  Unless we are talking fabric and yarn and then I just might be deranged. 

I cherish my "little house" lifestyle.  I thrive on the work of doing things the old way.  I cherish the feeling of putting on a pair of homemade socks, snuggling under a blanket made with love or popping open a jar of fresh veggies to serve with dinner.  

Do I know if that will serve me in the future, nope.  Do I care?  That would be an even bigger NOPE.  It serves the life that Hubs and I love.  That is what matters most.  Last night watching the smile on Hubs face as he dug into a bowl of homemade sugar free ice cream, was one of the reasons I love doing the things.  A friend reached out the other day to tell me he was enjoying a can of the most delicious stewed tomatoes for lunch (I had made them, he'd never had them before I served them to him).  The neighbor returned all of my canning jars that I'd given his family just a week ago.  Evidently his kiddo's loved the jellies and his wife barely shared the carrots and carrot soup.  Those reactions make the time spent a true blessing and gift.  

By the way, if you've never had homemade ice cream, well I highly recommend it.  After tasting while I was making it last night, I have a feeling before long my friends will be getting an ice cream maker.  I never recommend getting the kitchen aid set I have.  Not because it isn't great, because it is.  But because it is quite pricey!  Hubs had collected all my pieces over years.  I would never spend that kind of money all in one setting.  In fact, him buying my mixer was probably one of our biggest fights.  I couldn't believe he would waste that much money when he could have gotten me another hand held for $10. And yes, I do thank him all the time for not listening to me and doing what he wanted to, every day.  His foresight makes the things I do, that much easier. 

I am trying to plan out my coming week.  I have some canning that needs completed, I really would like to get a batch or two of soap done (it takes 6 weeks to cure, so I try to keep it somewhat on a schedule) and I am supposed to be picking up two quilts to quilt for someone. I never dreamed I would be so happily busy once I stepped away from the corporate world. 

Here is the thing, I used to dread long days.  Now, I simply float through them and at the end of a 12+ hour day, I am tired, but I am not mentally fatigued.  It is body weary, happy tired. I often wonder where the day went.  I used to watch the clock on those long days, dreading every minute.  Now, it's more often than not the ache in my back or the tiredness in my arms that remind me of the hours that have passed.  

So many of my family and friends make comments that I am so busy they hate to bother me.  That honestly annoys me a bit.  Because for the first time in far too long, while yes I am busy, it is busy on my terms and I can stop to spend quality time with loved ones whenever I want.  It is truly a blessing for which I have an unending thankfulness. That is probably the greatest gift ever.  

My fire is nothing but embers, my babies are inside waiting on breakfast, Hubs is already busy with his honey do list.  So I guess I should stop slacking.  I could get up from my chair here in the garden and do the things. I need to stitch the toe of that sock so it is complete.  I have a celery plant that needs transplanted, a few more tomato plants that need a bit more support, there are things to do.  I guess it is time to officially start this day.  It isn't like it used to be, I don't need several days to regroup and brace myself for the coming storm, now my life simply flows.  One moment to the next in steady rhythm. 

But... oh it is so hard to leave the peace of the treetop garden... the birds are singing and it's still oh so beautiful... maybe a few more moments.  

love and peace...

some questions...

Good morning everyone!  I guess I needed that little break, a quick trip to Arkansas, finally meeting my youngest great nephew and spending time with most of the family felt refreshing and energizing. The little dude is awesome, God is working some serious miracles in that one.  And the lessons that we are all learning from him are true blessings!

I am 100% unpacked and cleaned up from the trip, camper is back in storage for a bit and even the laundry is done.  Today, life returns to "normal"... although I am not really sure what normal is in this day and age.  Maybe it is better to say life returns to my everyday routine. 

I was out in the treetop garden before the sun broke the horizon, taking full advantage of the fact that it was only in the 70's and humidity was fairly mild.  I got the garden weeded, watered and even did a bit of harvesting.  The peas are still fighting on, so each morning I harvest whatever bounty they give and pop them into the freezer. It's amazing how much changed in just 4 days.  My tomato plants are going crazy, although the squirrel managed to snatch the first Cherokee purple (I am not happy - at all) and he also killed the one I started from a sucker on another plant.  Guess he wasn't thrilled with the location?  Or he was taking full advantage of the puppies being out of town.  

I applied liberal coffee grounds this morning and will be putting out a dish of water for him today.  Most of the time when they are stealing tomatoes it isn't because they like tomatoes, it's because they are thirsty.  And with this heat we are having I can definitely believe that!

Everywhere I looked the garden is filled with life and growth.  I even have my first pickle!  The pepper plants are bursting with buds and tiny peppers, the jalapeno's are simply growing like crazy (this is fantastic and the dragon loves jalapeno jelly).  

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my beautiful kale is going to survive the caterpillars and moths. It was flourishing when we left and now it's a bunch of stems.  I will see if I can revive it.  Today will involve doing some research into deterring and protecting my garden from little beasties.  

I'll be honest, I needed those few moments in the garden this morning.  My faith that life will endure is always renewed after a bit of time out there.  While I was in Arkansas I checked out my sister's garden.  I have to say, I am always a tad envious of her country paradise.  She has far better restraint than I do, I'm pretty sure my garden would have grow to fill all available land, whether I had time to work it or not.  Her's is great!  Everything is nicely spaced and growing so beautifully.  Her blueberry bush is what dreams are made of.  It's as large and luscious as the ones that we picked from in the pacific northwest. It's absolutely covered in large green berries.  Yep, super jealous of that one.  Also equally super happy for her.  

I even got to enjoy her little baby chickens.  The pups didn't know what to think about them.  Poor Belle was the most confused as she loves to chase birds, but those ones were quite a bit bigger than she expected.  Neither of my babies is cut out for country life.  They were terrified of the feral kittens, probably a good thing as their momma would have messed them up.  And big bad Beau was a wreck when my brother in law came out of the camper in the dark and ended up plastered to me, shaking like crazy.  They are big, but they are still babies.  Although that didn't stop Hubs and my brother in law from teasing him and giving him a new nickname. 

I'm holding tight to great things like this.  Because coming home was a pure eye opener.  When we left on Friday gas was stupid high at $4.49. I was unbelievably stunned when we hit small towns south of us where gas is usually lower and discovered that it was $4.69 down there. So you can imagine how sick I was to my stomach as we returned home on Monday to gas being $4.89.  Our trip south ran us just over $85 in gas, not terrible.  Trip home, same distance and mileage $128.  There is a reality check for you. 

I was hurrying to get my dishes washed and a load of laundry done before the higher energy usage costs of mid-day kicked in.  As Ameren keeps warning me it will all be more expensive now.  I will modify my daily plans to get things done during non-peak times and save those times for things that don't draw as much on the utilities. 

As much as I want to get busy with my canning chores, this morning I need to get into my sewing room.  I need to get the curtains shortened to put in the kitchen windows to block out the heat of the day.  Our deck takes a direct beating during the hottest part of the day, we used to have the gazebo that blocked out a sufficient amount of sunlight, with that gone, I need to get busy.  I'm pulling down all the blinds and closing all the shutters.  I will miss the sunlight, I will not miss the unbearable heat.  I loathe heat. I will remove the tie-backs from my drapes and move into dungeon world to avoid being overheated. 

I was browsing the book this morning and noticed multiple friends are starting to say the very things I have been thinking, feeling, and finally saying for a long time.  Questioning what the heck is going on.

While down in the country the radio station Hubs had on started the day with a farm report.  Did you know the beef industry in this country is booming (according to them) that we are exporting the largest amount of beef in our entire recorded history?  That we are sending the bulk of it to China to lift up their economy.  If that farm report was done in the exciting grab your attention manner that the daily news is, would more people realize what they are talking about?  Instead of the monotone, soft spoken announcer reading a running list of facts, luring everyone except farmers to sleep.

I'm very happy for the farmers that are making a profit, or at least I hope they are, these humans are keeping our country fed.  And I don't for a moment believe the farmers are the ones doing this.  I believe it is our government, ya know all those folks that are making an obscene amount of money on a public servants wage?

I have to say I was struggling with that news all day yesterday. It brought to mind a multitude of questions.  Starting with why do we appear to have a shortage in this country if we can export so much? Have you seen the prices on meat?  Steaks are unreal.  If we have so much that we can export the largest amount of all time, why are we being told at the grocery store that the reason the prices are so high is because there is a shortage of meat.... you know Covid, worker shortage at the processing plants, etc... 

Moving on to why are American's being encouraged to eat fake meat?  The standard talking point is that cows are bad for the environment, etc.  Now I completely agree that factory farms are bad for the environment, the cows and the consumer, but not all meat is from factory farms.  But it seems we have plenty of extra beef to send to other parts of the world, I guess it's only bad if it is for folks in this country?

I am definitely perplexed by what I am hearing, reading and seeing with my own two eyes. I also have read in multiple places now that Smithfield is closing their western US processing plants.  They are owned by a Chinese company and simply aren't making the profit they want.  This is concerning also. Again, not because giant agricultural plants are good for any of us, but where is the safety net for the American people.  Where is the plan B? Did you know Utah has declared an economic/agricultural state of emergency ahead of these closures?  Many people will lose their jobs and because for decades farmers have been driven to supply only to these large companies there is a shortage of processing plants to switch to. 

At what point do people wake up and question the true state of what is going on?  I'm completely over the comedy hour the J6 committee is throwing.  Stop it!  All of these distractions are just that, DISTRACTIONS!  Turn off the television, vote the idiots out, clean up our election system, court system and education system and lets get back to living.  I am seriously over it all. 

While folks are focusing hard on the latest distraction, currently the J6 bull crap, we are being handed our bottoms.  Gas is skyrocketing, food is becoming scarce (did you really believe the baby formula bull - at what point do you question that plenty of places in the world have an abundance yet we don't?), utilities are approaching the stupid level.  When do we wake up and call it for what it is? 

Have you tried to have your vehicle repaired?  Buy an appliance?  Furniture?  Seriously people, wake up!

I'm super tired of the folks that are like oh, the gas is high because Putin went into Ukraine, no... gas was already on an upward trend before that, a sharp upward trend. It is freaking smoke and mirrors.  They are hoping they have you too distracted by working insane hours, watching the predictive programming that is television, gaslighting you by repeating lies over and over again, and in such poor health from all the crap they are putting in food that you don't realize you are an active participant in your own countries destruction. 

When do we realize we are in a very abusive relationship and it isn't going to end well for us?  We aren't crazy, we aren't imagining it.  It's very real?  Need a reality check, go fill up your gas tank and go for a "Sunday drive"... 

I'm sorry if this isn't the happy go lucky blog posting some were expecting.  I'm sorry if it sounds like I am a doomsayer.  Ironically, I believe that we will eventually all come together, I believe that we will see that damn light and realize it is an on-coming train wreck and work together to over-come the damage.  It isn't just in this country, this is not an American problem.  This is a global problem.  And no I don't believe it is the fault of any country.  Frankly, I feel it is the fault of people being lured into a false sense of security, being willing to trade freedom for things.  Becoming lured into a passive state and afraid to say no, this is wrong and you need to go.  That applies to many countries, not just our own. 

I'm weary, I'm frustrated, I am concerned.  But you know what else I am?  I'm determined, I'm hopeful, I am confident and I am amazed at the ingenuity and wisdom of people as they are opening their eyes and looking at the real root of the challenges we have been facing and the greater challenges that I fear we are getting ready to face. 

We've been warned throughout history.  When do we pay attention?

Beau has some questions... 

Well... this crazy woman, has a great deal to accomplish today.  Taking off four days was a bit reckless, even if it was a much needed mental and emotional break. I want to get those curtains up before the sun gets too high on the horizon.  

Please take a moment to just consider what I've written, to think about it from a completely neutral space, to consider the impact that all of this is having on you and your loved ones.  Choose to become part of the solution, not part of the problem.

love and peace everyone...