still...

Hubs' brought me my coffee and woke me up to see the strange color of the sky this morning, we were both a bit stunned.  Before sunrise the entire sky was filled with an eerie orange glow, the sun is not up enough at 5 am usually to affect the sky like that. I tried to get a picture, but nothing would capture it. It was dense and so very orange, looked like you could reach out and touch it. 

Even though it was eerie it was oddly calming and peaceful too.  The Lou had rolling thunder for most of the night and both of us had struggled with sleep. All night I could hear my grandpa's voice, telling me not to fear the thunder, it was simply the angels bowling. If that is the case, it was definitely a tournament of sorts. 

It's been crazy quiet these past few hours.  I was out in the garden in between rain bursts, just like I do every morning.  I was pruning, harvesting, praying not necessarily in that order.  The time I spend in my garden fills my heart, it's my quiet time with the Lord.  Normally the air is filled to capacity with birds, squirrels, the various critters waking up to face the day.  I just heard the first bird song a short bit ago.  And it was a solo voice. No responding tweet happened.  It's strange. 

Maybe they heard Sunday's message.  Maybe? Psalms 46:10.  Be still, and know that I am God. I know I am listening.  Oddly enough two of the pastors that listen to had that message in the past week. Seems pretty relevant in the times we are living in. 

I spent some time out there in the silence, picking tomatoes, trying to decide if I want to harvest the peppers or give them a bit more time to grow, pondering if I was feeling sturdy enough to walk down in the mud to harvest green beans and accepting the fact that the yard was not going to get mowed today.  All the while thinking, feeling his presence.  

Many times throughout my life I have turned into myself.  Not choosing to hear that quiet stillness.  Thinking that I knew better how to move forward with my life.  I always reflect on those arrogant moments and feel very humbled.  Each time, God brought me to my knees, as any good parent would.  And as soon as I turned back to him, the struggle, the challenge, the rough spot disappeared. I am striving to be a more dutiful daughter, to listen with my heart.  To be still.  

I was allowing this crazy mixed up world to seriously affect me. The more I give in to being still, the more calm I have become. The strange orange silence this morning felt like an affirmation that I am on the right path. 

After a wonderful dinner with new friends from church on Monday night, I spent most of yesterday catching up on podcasts and doing needlework after I finished my morning chores.  Today will be likely more of the same.  I am addicted to embroidery work right now and working on several youth projects for the craft show in September.  I am not finished with this little vest, but I am quite thrilled with how it is turning out. 

make a wish

I also have some projects to work on in my studio, I am seriously trying to vary my projects.  Now that I have full use of my thumb again (FYI - frankincense oil is such a blessing) I don't want to do mess it up again.  Almost six months of healing was enough to remind me to not push it. I was hoping to get some soaps made, but the weather is far too damp for that, it will take forever to set up.  

larger one I am working on

The next few months will be busy and fruitful. Very much so.  If I could simply get my head to slow down with new ideas.  It is definitely going faster than my fingers can keep up with. Hubs' thought yesterday's project would take me longer than it did, unfortunately not everything can take me a full day or I will have a very sad booth at Kinmundy.

Well... the sun is finally breaking through the deep heavy blanket of clouds, I am starting to hear more bird songs, so I guess that is my cue to get busy with the day.  Anyone else jumping in?  

Make today count.  But please remember to be still, if only for a few precious moments, be still...

love and prayers

Seriously??

Took the pups for a walk this morning, we decided to hit the local park.  They love going there, but it is usually far too busy.  Kids, other dogs, walkers and runners all mean that our walk is a lot less peaceful than we like.  After all, they are still pups, not even 18 months old yet. Meaning they get a bit excited by what is going on around them.  

I felt pretty confident taking them today though.  Rain was heading our way, I didn't feel it would be overly crowded.  It wasn't.  Of course we ended up walking in the rain, but it was wonderful and we definitely enjoyed our time.  

I've been in a bit of a funk lately.  Not really depressed, more not feeling like I wanted to participate in basically anything.  I was allowing myself to be sucked into the insanity and drama that is blanketing our world right now. Everything felt a bit spiraling, so I felt the need to basically shut down.  

I was letting my chores slide, eating healthy was going by the wayside, I wasn't taking time for me, for being active.  I was literally just being. 

My injured thumb and not having what I needed for crafting was wearing me out as well.  It was making me fussy.  Looks like that long arm is going to be another month at least.  I'm simply not happy about that, but I am sure that there is a reason that I am not grasping yet. 

I've spent a lot of time in prayer lately.  A lot of time reflecting on my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Yesterday, I woke up full of energy and a strong desire to jump back into my life. To stop being involved with the distractions that are being laid out before us and to start being focused on the things that bring me joy and excitement. 

I am putting into place a lens.  I am working on developing my own internal bull poop meter. Frankly, I think a great deal of what is being presented to us, is a full on load of manure.  And I definitely mean it.  

This morning as I was chopping up the jalapeno's for the much requested Cowboy Candy, I was listening to different podcasts.  I spent a bit of time reading a few articles this morning that were questioning different narratives that are flying around right now.  I'm probably going to tick a few folks off, but the bull meter is firing in the deep dark red level at this moment in time. 

I am allowed my thoughts, feelings and ideas the same as everyone else.  Looking at everything happening seemingly at the same exact moment in time, reminds me of a small child throwing the mother of all tantrums because they didn't get their way.  I remember both of my kiddo's sprawled out on the ground, arms and legs flaying, heads rolling back and forth as they screamed until they were purple in the face.  Simply because they were told no to something, anything that their little immature undeveloped emotions couldn't handle.  Luckily they both grew out of it, for the most part. 

There is information flying around right now, not all of it is readily in your face and I feel deeply that the info deep in your face is probably the information that you truly want to ignore. I mean don't you feel like you are globally watching governments and elites throwing a massive tantrum?  

It makes me feel like the fit I was just watching my puppies throw.  One was whining, the other was being arrogant, they were mouthing each other and pushing back and forth.  The reason?  They both wanted the same cow hooves, never mind that there are at least 6 of them currently in the same room, they want that one. 

The difference is it feels like an attempt to overwhelm us, to create fear in us, as they are spiraling out of control. There is word that information is going to be released - computers, lists and video's that might not bode well for people's reputations and then there are searches that are uncovering classified documents being stored in places that they shouldn't be.  Don't forget the big white balloon that scooted randomly across the country, or the current ones that are being "reported" around the world.  

On top of all of that, lets not forget the chaos of the economy, the shortages and the destruction of food processing plants and systems.  Oh yeah, quick lets add in a few trains derailing and possible environmental disasters.  

Oops and never forget wars and rumors of wars... they are really ramping up all of that. And shootings that are happening without reason (? doubtful?), especially given the locations.  Always seem to be in gun free zones.

Seriously? That is all I can think of at this moment, unless we start to include things the divisions that are being stoked and pushed from all directions.  It feels like "circuses and bread".  Keep folks entertained with distractions and worrying about where their food will come from and you can control them.

That is a pretty big tantrum and I firmly believe it is all designed to push us into the same frenzy as the embarrassed parent trying to gain control of that toddler that has lost the ability to reason.  Any parent or caregiver out there has encountered that moment in time.  Do you give in - teaching the child that they simply have to behave poorly to receive whatever they want?  Do you join in the chaos of the moment - therefore escalating the situation? Or do you allow that child to scream, yell, throw the mother of all fits until the wear themselves out and realize that course of action did not get the desired result and it is time to act reasonable? 

All of those situations can be faced with love.  All of them can be handled with grace, well except melting down with them - there is zero grace in that solution. But when you step back, refuse to join in and allow the situation to run it's course, things often look very different. 

I guess I am choosing to be that person.  I will participate to the level that I absolutely have to, but I am not going to dig in and play the games.  I know that God is in complete control.  I firmly believe 90% or better of the shenanigans are simply to instill the fear that they thrive on - nope I didn't miss the whole 'vid thing that started in 2020, I didn't participate in that game either. 

So yesterday, in the bright sunshine I took my puppies for three walks.  They don't need them for potty breaks, they can relieve themselves any time they wish in the fenced yard.  But they do need them to reinforce social skills, to get exercise and to learn self-control.  Today we've already walked once in the rain, I will take them out again shortly. 

I am choosing to live my life.  I am choosing to bow my head in prayer and release the anxiety to God.  I am choosing to ignore the tantrum until such a time that reason can return. 

Well... I have Cowboy Candy to finish up, and the rain looks to have passed for the moment.  Hubs will be home for lunch shortly and then I do believe I have a few chores lined up for this afternoon.  Enjoy this day.  Yep, I'm aware it is Valentine's day, not a huge fan.  I don't like holidays that are created to boost commercialism.  I prefer to love my Hubs, family and friends every day.  But to each their own... 

love and prayers... 

pondering the 3 D's...

It's bitter cold outside, the slight snow/sleet has stopped falling.  The cold remains. I'm sitting here enjoying the remaining fire that my sweet Hubs built to warm my toes and fill my heart.  Listening to Pastor Bob Joyce's latest CD, he's eerily reminiscent of Elvis when he sang his beautiful gospel music.  Again, warming my heart. 

I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and learning the Bible.  It brings me so much peace.  We are in some very strange times and when you step back they echo much that is in the Bible, maybe not identical, yet the same none the less.  An example is the "food shortages", I do not believe for one moment this is any more real than any of the other shortages.  It is not natural.  It's man made, it's designed to control. 

If I spend too much time in the world, I feel anxiety and stress.  When I stop and refuse to listen to all of the external voices I can focus on those small inner voices.  The ones that have never lied to me, that have never led me in the wrong direction.  I know that is the voice I need to zero in on.  It doesn't matter if I am in prayer or meditation, what matters is that I hear the voice that is gently guiding me.  

So many are struggling in these days.  The external noise is loud.  Its confusing and unsettling.  I feel in my soul it has been designed that way.  One of the pastor's I listen to regularly always says that she was brought up to always be aware of the 3 d's - deceive, distract and destroy as those are the tools of Satan and his followers. 

That simple statement really resonates with me.  It is what I see all around me.  Everywhere you look it feels like we are being lied to, how many times does a lie have to be repeated for it to be accepted as the truth?  How much of our news, media, entertainment is strictly to distract us?  Anyone else find it odd that just as scandal regarding politicians and classified documents starts to come to light Antifa starts to raise it's head again, oh yeah and the immediately afterwards the body cams of a of former speaker of the house's husband get released? All in less than a week? Talk about distractions... 

Destroy, well that one definitely doesn't need to be highlighted at all now does it?  Given that we have been living in times of destruction for several years now.  Everywhere one turns there is an example of physical, mental, financial or emotional destruction.

Yet as I bow my head, as I listen to the word, I feel peace.  I know that I am not truly a part of that world and I am good with it. 

I've never felt I belong in this world.  I've always felt like an outsider.  As if the person I am has been inserted in the wrong time or place.  I've had moments of fear, frustration and sadness as I have tried to fit in.  The older I have grown the more comfortable I have become in not fitting in.  I don't want to.  Even more so in the last few years.  I've watch sadly on the sidelines as so much deception, distraction and destruction has happened.  I feel deeply in my heart for those that are willing to look at what they can clearly see with their own eyes and still not see it for what it is.   I can't change it.  I can only pray. 

People are changing, the anger and callousness towards one another is growing.  Just when it feels hopeless a good thing happens, anyone see the story of the beloved pet sent to a shelter because the family couldn't take care of it?  The shelter not only reunited them, but is helping them.  We all have the ability to do that.  To step into the void and provide assistance.  

Sadly, there are many that are still focusing on the division that has been created and not on the solution.  I read a tweet the other day from a prominent influencer, questioning why the unvaxed didn't share with those that got vaxed why they were not participating.  At first I was so disheartened, why blame those that stood strong in the face of too many unknowns? Upon processing a bit further, it felt more like that was part of the process of healing.  Grief, disbelief, anger... those are the first few steps... there are still three more to go.  

Our entire world is going through those five steps: grief, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in the face of so many things.  We are all at different levels of the process. I find myself bouncing in a few areas at different times regarding much of what the past few years have presented to us. 

Today, I find myself very firmly in a state of hope, praise and celebration of the good that is to come.  I am choosing to see with my heart and not with my eyes.  This world is full of joyous news and events.  There are miracles happening every single day.  We just have to be strong enough to see with our hearts, I know I've mentioned a mustard seed in the past, and not with our eyes and ears. 

I'm trying very hard to stay clear of those three D's.  I'm trying to focus on the good that surrounds me, the good I can do in this unkind stage of our world, and lifting all of us in prayer. 

Well, my wonderful music has ended, my coffee is cold and my fire is smoldering embers... I guess it's time to get going.  I have chores that need tending to and tasks that I am setting for myself that need attention.  While I know that everything is well in hand, I also know that I am part of the solution and cannot sit on the sidelines.

love and prayers... 

ps... watch out for those 3 D's... far more dangerous than we believe... 

I gotta keep going...

When times seem harder than one can imagine, when things seem dark and bleak, how do you respond?  I bow my head.  This morning, I bowed my head, I turned my heart to God and Jesus and I prayed.  So much seems chaotic and unbelievable.  I am deeply saddened by what is happening in our country, our elections were, heck still are, a hot happening mess.  There is no reason that we had the challenges that were rampant all over the place yesterday.  I feel blessed to live in a little bubble that had a smooth voting experience.  

Everyone and everything I voted for did not pass, and for that I am actually glad.  I truly do not believe that every voice speaking should be saying the same thing.  Then you don't have a discussion, you have an echo chamber. Folks were friendly and supportive as the steady stream of people came and went.  So I admit that some of what I watched happening around the country made me sick.  Machines not working, polls not opening on time, no paper for machines, and worse.  I was already ill to hear we cannot count them all in one day. Not only can we, but we should.  It only blurs the perception of a fair and honest election.  Particularly when the entire democratic party was saying in lock step non-stop for the weeks leading up to the election that with modern technology we could not expect the same efficiency as we used to have with same day, paper ballot voting that worked for over 200 years. 

It calls so much into question, it makes me so sad for where we are. I felt a bit defeated this morning, my hopes and prayers for an honest, transparent election where all voices that chose to speak were included felt dashed to the ground.  I struggled for a few moments.  It wasn't about the outcome, as much as the process.  Of course I had high hopes for our country, very high hopes - I mean we used to be the shining example of what was right in the world.  

Honestly there was a time in history when if we'd have witnessed the same events in another country of equal size and stature we would have been on the side questioning the entire process.  But we have been gradually conditioned to accept a lower and lower standard. 

Last night several states passed amendments that allow abortion up until birth.  As a mother, I cannot even fathom the person that could do that.  I cannot process it on a level that is beyond comprehension.  In fact there was much that I do not even begin to understand.  

I can't do anything more than I have done.  I got up, got dressed, stood in line and made my mark.  I prayed and now all I can do is release it all to God. 

Do I still believe there is absolute evil in this world.  Yes, I do.  Unapologetically so. I believe very strongly that Satan is working hard to destroy the good, to create something that is the equivalent of hell on earth.  

But God. 

There are many Bible verses that apply in that statement.  But God. It doesn't need supporting documentation, and if you feel you do, I suggest breaking out your Bible and getting lost in his word.  

But God.  

My faith and prayers are calming me.  I was listening to a song this morning, that filled my soul to over flowing.  I am not going to question God, there is a reason for all things.  I am going to stay focused on the good that is around me in abundance.  My loved ones, the fact that while the world is not perfect it is filled with beauty and love.  And I am going to continue to have faith that God is in complete control and that he is not going to turn his back on us, as long as we open our hearts and welcome him in with arms wide open.  

So like that song said... "I Gotta Keep Going"... I hope you will approach everyone with kindness and love in your heart.  It's harvest time and we need to be our brother's keeper.  I am going to do as much good in this world as I can... will you?  

ying and yang...

Another February Friday dawned bright and beautiful and snowy.  This seems to be a pattern, hopefully it fades when February does. It's beautiful, but super cold, like OMG my bones are freezing cold.  I am not usually someone that the cold bothers, but this bone chilling cold stinks. 

It's been a busy morning, we are heading out after lunch, the puppies first real trip and to see the family down south.  Actually, it's going to be the first time in a good while that all the sisters and mom will be together. I'm hoping for a family picture of the five of us, the last ones are getting a touch old.  Heck the last one I have of the four girls was taken before my youngest grand was born and she will be five next week. 

I'm even willing to have it taken with all the puppy wounds I have acquired this week, I'll just look like the loser in a knife fight... not that bad... but definitely noticeable.  Ms. Belle struggles with her excitement in the mornings and has to love with the mouth wide open, usually those razor sharp little chompers manage to catch my check or chin before I can move back quick enough.  She isn't biting, just bouncing around with her mouth open.  She is rapidly sorry and tries to make it better with kisses as soon as she see's it.  It's a learning curve. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit apprehensive.  We are all very strong willed women, with very different personalities and getting us all together often involves someone's feelings getting stomped on or a massive disagreement.  We all love each other unconditionally, we just often fall into the sibling dysfunctional bubble.  Add in that all of us are on the worry bus where the little warrior is concerned that will only amp it up.  It's always said about us that we will argue and fight like demons with one another, but heaven help the fool that thinks they will attack anyone of us.  We can circle the wagons faster than you could blink. 

Heck, I am pretty sure I'm the first one to step into the poo with a text string this morning.  I am desperately trying to understand things, I am not remotely in a medical field, never have been, and I asked a question.  Maybe I didn't word it correctly, I don't know.  But... anyone else's momma say to watch your words?  I am the biggest proponent of not having conversations via email or text as I know that they can easily be misinterpreted or misunderstood. Yet, we all text things in an imperfect manner with only the best of intentions sometimes. For now, I'm moving into emoji world.  I don't want to cause stress with questions that cannot be answered right now.  Prayers are enough. 

That being said little warrior is struggling a bit right now, the virus is moving into a what is evidently the hardest phase and he needs as many prayers as there are stars in the universe.  So... any prayers, healing thoughts or love sent his way would be greatly appreciated. 

Personally, I think I am going to step back into my shell and do a bit more meditating, I was in a great spot earlier, feeling a little off balance now.  My house is ready for us to leave, my puppies got their baths and I have us almost packed and ready to roll as soon as Hubs is free for the day.  I am looking forward to my sweet puppies first experience with traveling, Hubs and I love to wander so they will be joining us for many adventures.  This one won't include too many hikes or time outside exploring, but it might include meeting new pups (my mom and sister have dogs) it will involve meeting new people and their first hotel experience. Should definitely be an interesting weekend. 

Well, time to finish getting ready to travel... I've decided to not take my computer with me this weekend.  I'm going to disconnect a bit.  Focus on knitting, puppies and family, maybe even some wine.  Not necessarily in that order... I hope that everyone has a peaceful and love filled weekend... let those around you know they are important.  

love and peace...

roads not traveled...

Another Monday.  A promise of rain.  A promise of lower temperatures.  And always the promise of better things to come. 

I haven't felt like writing for a variety of reasons.  I'm angry, I'm actually flat out pissed off and I am afraid that I will violate my own rules for my blog.  So I've been sitting silently and stewing on my thoughts and feelings. Trying to decide if speaking my truth will do the very things I have avoided doing for a long time. 

I've also been trying to be busy and helpful around the house.  I am able to move so much better and I am looking forward to my appointment with my surgeon tomorrow. Each day I am able to walk more like a human and less robotic, I am able to stand for longer periods of time, I am able to do more and more around the house.  I have actually been cooking at least 50% of our meals again.  Talk about feeling accomplished.  I'm still struggling with how much longer it takes me to do things right now, the slowness, the need to rethink everyday tasks.  But each day, I feel far more empowered and capable. 

I ran out of sleep around 3 am today, I tried diligently for an hour to fall back asleep, but the world and life were insistent that they were taking over my thoughts. At 4 am I gave up.  Hubs was awake, there was no reason to lie there and pretend that my mind wasn't moving at the speed of sound, finding more and more to ponder when I was pleading with it to hush. But I had slept for 7 hours, the exhaustion from yesterday had me sound asleep by 8. 

So much was accomplished over the course of the weekend, that if felt like far more than 2 short days.  Sweet Hubs got to take his boat out for his maiden fishing trip.  He had wanted to wait for me, but that hardly seemed fair or reasonable.  Instead he spent the wee hours of Saturday down at Trout Lodge with his buddy "slaying them".  The change in his attitude was evident immediately.  I hated not being able to join them, even to just sit on the dock and enjoy the beauty around me, but I knew it was asking too much from a leg that I had already been pushing the limits on. 

I took advantage of the time to finish up one of my hand worked blocks and let my leg rest.  It needed it. It's odd how sometimes being here at the house alone feels like a prison sentence.  I want nothing more than to be able to leave, to go and be part of the life I feel is happening outside my door.  And other times, it feels like a precious gift.  A sanctuary that feels protective, warm and safe. 

I guess I am moving firmly into that chop wood and carry water phase of life.  

I've had to turn off all news and television.  My heart is aching too much.  I am angry.  Thirteen young lives are over.  Most of those young troops that lost their lives weren't even old enough to have their first legal drink.  Funny, we can ask you to shed blood for our country, but our country doesn't feel you are old enough to have a cold one after work - I mean come on you can't possibly be mature enough to handle that before 21. 

There are many times that I get way in my feelings where our government is concerned.  I get so pissed off that people will trade "security" for freedoms.  I become numb when I start to consider it. I would rather be a free human, making my own life choices (good, bad or indifferent) than be a part of a society that marches in lock step at our leaders commands.  For years, I have quietly watched (well unless you are one of my very dear friends that knows my heart).  For years, I have played the game.  I'm getting damn tired of playing the game. 

I am a military brat, former spouse and wife of a veteran.  To me the blood spilled in Afghanistan is family blood.  There are far too many unanswered questions that people are closing their eyes and minds to that make this far less a tragic "accident" and far more likely a planned or assisted event.  

Thirteen families are altered forever.  Thirteen brave young people are gone.  Because of what?  Stupid decisions.  I'm sorry when you are the leader of the country you don't get to make stupid decisions. 

I still am not at a point that I can clearly process any of this.  The fact that it is even happening is surreal.  The fact that people are not opening their eyes, questioning what is before them, boldly asking what the hell is going on?  I am stunned.  I am in shock.  I am mute. 

Each time I see a table set and reserved for those thirteen individuals my eyes fill with tears, my heart breaks a bit more. And yet we continue to let our leaders - the people that should be speaking for us, but aren't even remotely doing it, talk over the hurt and sadness. 

August 26, a mere 4 days ago.  With credible intelligence that it was going to happen.  Oddly enough the current leader of our country had mentioned that ISIS would be a threat very soon, just days before they were. Yet we couldn't even respectfully ask for flags to be lowered in their honor for a full 24 hours.  How hard is that?  We seem to lower them non-stop anymore, for anyone. There is simply too much that fails to remotely make sense. 

I can't change any of it right now. I can pray for the families affected by this.  I can fuss and fidget over the stupidity that is swirling around me.  I can wonder at the level of disconnection that people are displaying.  We've become so caught up in the everyday world, in the sleep, work, eat, sleep world that we somehow feel is what we are here for that we are missing so much of what is going on around us. 

I have strong feelings regarding so much of what is going on in this crazy world right now, but at the same time, I feel my voice is powerless. 

So again back to chopping wood and carrying water. 

I will continue to stand strong in the things that matter to me, I will continue to push where I can, and walk away from things that do NOT serve me and my family. I will continue to pray, because God is far more powerful than all of this. And I will continue to have hope for mankind.  I don't believe any of what is going on is just an American problem, I firmly believe it is a global problem.  We are being led somewhere that we will one day wake up in shock and wonder how we got there. Or maybe so many have already given up their God given freedoms to the point that they will be happy with where they are headed. 

Just like a frog in a slowly warming pot of water, he will eventually die from it, but because it is so gradual he never notices. 

I know this is disjointed.  I know it is rambling.  I am truly trying to wrap my head around a world and country that I do not recognize. 

Thank you for reading, if you are a prayerful person - the world needs you now more than ever.  

I think I am going back to cleaning... I don't have the heart to stay where my mind is right now.... 

progress...

Dreary, wet and cold.  Yep that describes today.  Perfect.  For the first time in forever I slept the full night, woke to rain hitting the chimney. So calming.  Yesterday was full of activity and I am sure it exhausted me.  I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I lost track of time. Before I knew it the clock was telling me that it was hours past my bedtime. 

I finished three soaps.  They are setting up and I truly hope when I unmold them in a couple of days that they will have turned out as wonderful as I hope. Oat Milk, Orange Rose and Sunshine are all sitting on shelves, waiting.  

They all need at least 24 more hours before I can try taking them out of the molds and cutting them.  The scents that filled the air were fresh and energizing. I think that is one of my favorite things about making soap. The scents.  Our house is filled with the smells of orange, yuzu and a hint of rose. There are other scents that linger in the mixes that I can't even begin to describe the scent of the Oat Milk soap as golden oat (the name of it) doesn't help in the least.  It's clean and refreshing.  

Oat Milk Soap

Orange Rose Soap

It takes about two hours to make a batch.  A lot of which is spent waiting, waiting for oils to heat, waiting for lye and oils to cool to the same temperature so that they can be mixed into a creamy soap. To fill all that time waiting, I cleaned out my soaping closet, figured out that I truly need to stop buying shea butter.  Seems I have forgotten I had plenty of it at least 5 times.  I am now in search of lots of soaping recipes that need shea butter.  Would hate for that to go rancid. As I went through my supplies and molds (goodness - I believe I already admitted to a terrible addiction) unfortunately I only have one tall mold or I would have made a few more bars. 

After hours spent standing in the kitchen making beautiful soaps it was time for a break.  I really shouldn't spend hours looking through Pinterest. Should have focused on the projects I had already decided on or maybe taken a nap. 

Instead, I daydreamed.  

I have to admit when I am finally able to retire, I will definitely never be bored. 

I had planned to cut out mittens and sleds yesterday morning, Hubs had other ideas.  He was out in the garage working on his desk project.  A friend gave him a rather beat up look old desk.  You could tell it was most likely handmade and it was definitely old.  Probably 80 or 90 years old.  He's been sanding it and getting ready to stain it.  Yesterday, he reached that goal.  I was not going to be using the saw in the garage.  

That desk though...

I've been pleading with him to keep it, to do away with his industrial style and enjoy the beauty of that antique.  During a soaping break I thought I would peek out and check on his progress.  He was so engrossed in the stain work, that I am not sure he even noticed I was there. Cigar held tight in his teeth, focused on each swipe of the brush.  He looked so calm. 

I have a covered deck now and it was fairly warm, it was an easy fix.  Hubs helped me set up on the deck and I started cutting.  It's been years since I have touched a saw.  Years since I have lost myself in the intentional act of carefully cutting out traced lines.  Breathing in the scent of sawdust.  Gently blowing it away so that I could focus on the lines.  It made both of us remember the past.  

It seems so long ago. We'd spend hours in our basement, cutting wood shapes, crafting gifts when money was too tight to go shopping. Those days, that time filled me with joy.  Yesterday reminded me of that sweet time. As I cut the shapes, Hubs kept me company, we chatted like it was over a decade ago. Nothing earth shattering, just chatter, about family, friends, ideas, thoughts hopes and dreams.

I don't know what was better the act of using my hands, muscle memory snapping back in an instant, or enjoying that simple memory of a much simpler time.  Not as much money, far more time for making memories. 

I'd put the base coat on all of my painting projects last night, I'd forgotten how easily time slipped away when I had a paint brush in my hand.  This morning fueled by copious amounts of coffee, I sat down on the stool at the kitchen counter and started painting. The mittens are rustic, they are mindless work, hours later I finished all but the final four.  I vaguely saw the clock, the hours of the morning slipping by... seven, eight, nine, ten... just before eleven Hubs came in from the garage.  Starving.  Seems I forgot his breakfast.  

I forgotten how much I love to paint. Even simple projects bring joy. 

I cannot for the life of me believe that tomorrow is already Thanksgiving.  Half way through our days off.  Normally time flies.  It hasn't been.  It's been leisurely, calming and relaxing. For the first time in far too long, I feel rested.

Tomorrow will be a day full of traditions, pies to bake, cream to whip.  Our offerings to the meal are mostly purchased, but one simply needs homemade pies. We will work on continuing to blend our family.  We will miss our boy, maybe the smallest girl (she might be with Dad) but we will celebrate family and each other. 

Tomorrow might be void of creating material things, but full of creating memories. 

I'm excited, nervous, and full of anticipation. 

I am curled up with my mug of hot Gluhwein, listening to the wind moving my beautiful wind chimes and celebrating life. 

Thankful... you?

memory lane...

Was it waking to the sound of the rain hitting the tin on top of the chimney stack?  The sound of the crackling fire sweet Hubs had built to start the weekend?  Maybe it was the picture my sweet boy sent me last night of his Christmas tree decked in lights.  Or was it the scent of the evergreen candles that I have cooling on the counter?

Maybe it was all of this and so much more. I'm in a nostalgic mood this morning.  This year has been the ultimate roller coaster. And where we are right now is exhausting. So many feelings and emotions are swirling, not just in our own country, but globally. 

As I was pouring the wax into the little jars that I found for candles, with the smell of a crisp evergreen forest swirling all around me, I glanced out the window. The sky has lightened and the storm I've been listening to with occasional flashes of lightening is now exposed.  The beautiful colors of fall have faded away, the few remaining leaves with the exception of the purple/red of the Japanese Maple out front have all turned a dark brown. Clinging hopelessly waiting for the final wind that will rip them away.  Falling to the ground to finish their life cycle, becoming first a place for a variety of larvae to nest until spring and finally to serve as fertilizer for the spring rebirth. 

The smell of the wood fire, mixed with evergreen has Christmas carols playing in my head. Day dreaming of the upcoming holiday and how different it will be.  I woke this morning from a dream where I was making Christmas lists, too bad I couldn't remember what I had written, it seemed like a great list.  Thought and care going into exactly what we wanted to give to each person. 

I find myself sliding deeper and deeper into the core of who I am.  I don't agree with much that is going on in the world right now.  I fear we are being lied to on a grand scale.  I don't know.  But I have no faith or trust. The only faith and trust I have rests with God. I know that things are happening according to his plan and I need to simply pray and rest in that knowledge.

This is what is drawing me back I feel.  That wax pouring reminded me so much of Christmas as a child.  I don't remember what state we lived in or how old I was.  I remember all of us girls with Mom and Dad making Christmas candles.  There were evergreen trees that we carefully put whipped wax on to look like fallen snow. It seems they may have had glitter sprinkled on top, but I can't see them in my mind's eye that clearly.  I remember the Santa ones, climbing into the chimney, colored red with the whipped wax for his beard, the snow and fur on his suit. I remember pouring candles, laughter and love. We were never rich in dollars, but boy oh boy we were rich in love!

The candles that are cooling now are ear-marked to send the boy and his girl. I am going to go down shortly and find the box of his ornaments.  I think it is still separate.  Although I'm not sure.  Last year when we put the tree up he wanted them on the tree and when I said should I box them for you to take home, he hadn't wanted that.  He was not planning to spend Christmas at their home. But 2020 has changed that. 

I want to make sure he has some of the magic that makes Christmas special for them.

This is the first Christmas that I am struggling with gifts and ideas.  So many are struggling on different levels.  My heart says stay practical.  Make it something to cherish.  Make it something that is needed.  A few things made for some, a few things that have been found in many places.  No clutter or waste.  Some treasures of love and time, wrapped up in memories to share. 

Gee that doesn't sound intimidating at all does it? 

The embers of my fire are almost gone, the coffee is getting cold.  I heard the laundry ding, and I am sure my wax is just about ready to check on.  I have soaps waiting for attention and chores to complete.  I want to finish up the stuff to mail and check in with the girl to see if she came up with any ideas for the day tomorrow (this rain is supposed to pass).  I need to figure out what my contribution to Thanksgiving will be - since I am the difficult one to feed.  I have scarf's needing blocked and a few other projects to work on. We need to get wedding cards to celebrate family and friends and have gifts to wrap and send. 

Why is it that the week seems to stretch out forever, yet the weekend get shorter and shorter.  

This year has changed so much for everyone.  For us personally, it's been huge! And most of it has not been gloom and doom. As I travel down this path of nostalgia today, I think the greatest gift it has given me is gratitude.  2020 has been an absolute b$tch.  She has rocked us all to our very core.  But as we stand up, dust ourselves off and move forward - I'm thankful!  I'm thankful for family, I'm thankful for the lessons of gratitude and praise, I am thankful for all of the exciting changes and blessings that have entered our lives. Yep, Hubs and I are very blessed!

I am thankful!!

healing...

... wow, it has been a very long time since I have written. I just haven't had it in my heart.  There was no room for much of anything as I navigated my thoughts, feelings, emotions and concerns. 

So much has happened in 2020.  It's been full of chaos, uncertainty, fear, anger and so many other things. I have been learning, growing and expanding my own consciousness. I have been silent on social media, in life, I have had very little contact that was required for me to exist. 

I am healing.  I am not the same person I was when I started this year.  Many things that were important... they no longer matter. That doesn't mean the people don't. Slowly I am adding people and things back into my bubble.  I am just being very careful as to how I do that. 

Yesterday started my 55th journey.  

So much has changed.  So many things are different.  My lens has changed.  Dramatically.  One of the reason's I haven't written.  I am still processing my thoughts, studies, the information I am weeding through. No one needed to be completely part of that process.  My poor hubs has probably felt I am a bit off my rocker, but in true Hubs fashion has followed the path and journey with me. 

I am filled with love and hope for our world, I am grateful for the amazing people that are traveling on my journey with me.  I firmly believe that God brings you the people you need when you need them most.  I am blessed by many.  Grateful for their love, energy, thoughts and prayers.  

2020... You are definitely a year to remember.  I am not sure that I will continue this blog. It may have run its course and filled it's place in my life, I am still working through it.  In fact I am considering a different platform... a new journey. I haven't decided.  I am still working through this portion of who I am and the journey that I wish to continue.  To me 55 is a bigger milestone than 50 was.  It's a turning point in my head. 

This morning as I prepared to return to work, I found myself choosing to wear colors that are completely not me.  My daughter gave me a beautiful dress that I would have never bought myself.  I am loving the light and airiness of it.  The colors and style are liberating.  I'm definitely not wearing my signature black.  It was a choice.  I like it. 

I needed these 5 days of nothingness.  I feel refreshed and ready for this moment.  Not excited about the a/c situation awaiting me, but... 

Thank you all for being a part of my journey.  Thank you for filling those holes in my life when I have needed it.  And thank you for allowing me to be your bridge when you weren't able to do it yourself. 

I am not promising that I will be back.  I am still deep in prayer and meditation about where my journey is going. But I will completely keep you in my heart forever, regardless where this journey takes me... 

I can't...

The sunrise...

As I was busy fixing Hub's breakfast muffins yesterday this was my view.  He was sleeping in.  For him to be sleeping so soundly, I knew he was exhausted.  In a few moments the house would fill with the warmth of cinnamon and ginger, it would wake him.

Yet standing there finishing up I glanced out the window, it faces due east and the views are always so calming and beautiful.  The sunrise was breathtaking. A true promise that we woke up yet again and we are given another chance to be the wonderful humans that we are.

Watching the sunset last night was just as amazing. As was the beautiful night sky that followed.

Wednesday was by far the hardest day I have ever experienced at work. In my entire life.  I had to tell the majority of my incredible Y family that they were being temporarily laid off.  Yes, most will get unemployment, but it doesn't make up for that sense of loss.  Their pride took the hit, their sense of worth. Each of them is very valued and loved. It was devastating.

I was an emotional mess.  My heart was shattering with each conversation.  The harder part is that I had to do most of it over the phone.  This social distancing is horrible. I could hear the silence, I couldn't see if there were questions I needed to answer, support that I was not able to offer. It was wrenching.

Yesterday was a tad easier.  I was able to speak to all of my team at some point.  Things are not great, but they are, I am so blessed to have them all in my life.

I am thankful that this week is almost over.  I need a few days to stop.  To unplug and to simply be.  To allow my heart and spirit a chance to breath.

I have allowed so much negativity lately to enter my space.  I am finding myself snoozing people on social media, refusing to make myself available for the naysayers and doomsday bell ringers.  I am also finding myself refusing to further engage with those that are self centered and refuse to see past that.

I firmly believe in free speech.  In each of us having the ability to voice where we are and what our personal thoughts and beliefs are.  And I will celebrate you and your beliefs.  Yet, I am finding myself putting up emotional walls to people that refuse to be fluid and refuse to be part of any solution because it doesn't work for them.

I have to admit, I am not loving having so many freedoms taken away.  I am not loving having to look around me and make sure that people are distant from me.  In fact, I'm hating it pretty hard.  I am a hugger, I cherish being able to offer comfort in times of distress, I will share my energy with anyone that truly needs it.  So some of this is very difficult for me.

Flip side of that, I am definitely an introvert and enjoy my own private space.  I find sheer joy in my mediation time, in creating, in simply being.

And I am realizing I need to find more time to meditate and be okay with people that lack concern for others. I keep seeing the meme's about not bringing your entire family on your shopping trip.  I will tell you I was terrified the other day when I did venture out to pick up scripts at the sheer number of people that are bringing their entire families shopping.  Their kids are running around the stores, babies are mouthing the handles of the carts - even if it doesn't have the virus on it, I am sickened to thing of how much sanitizer has been applied to it.

As one of those folks that is still working I can tell you I feel very blessed.  I come into contact with very few people.  I am not excited for when I have to.  I remember case number 1 here in the county I live in... it was only a few weeks ago, March 9th to be exact.  I remember the outrage because the family members of patient number 1 attended a school event.  How selfish, how self-entitled.  They were horrible people.  I mean come on it made national news.

Fast forward to April 3, not even a month later, in the county alone there are 663 cases and so far 6 deaths. It isn't that this virus is killing at a rampant rate, but it is spreading pretty darn fast.  What it is doing is stopping people from working (no for most of them it is not a paid holiday), it will overwhelm medical facilities (how many other important medical issues are not being dealt with properly?), it is showing us the very selfish side of many. 

Sorry, this might not be an accurate view, but from my seat, it is my view.  Because of thought processes like, it won't happen to me, it's an old people problem (actually - I'm not old and in the county I live in my age group is at the highest risk), I'm not 6 - don't tell me what to do, if we are all feet apart it won't make me sick, I don't want to ask for help... I truly could go on.

They are closing our parks this weekend.  How sad is that.  They have to close public parks.  Why, because even though there is yellow caution tape around the playground equipment, families are still taking their children to play on it.  They are all sitting around socializing while their children are playing together.  They are not staying home.

Evidently, now that there are more cases and more people potentially exposed it's no longer terrible for them to be out in the general population?  It's no longer a national media event to potentially expose other people? How is this behavior any less callus and self centered than the Daddy/Daughter Dance?  Or the trips to have coffee before they knew?

So many people are being hurt by this selfish mentality.  Maybe they aren't getting sick, maybe they never will.  I pray that is the case.

The people that are out there working to allow us access to essentials, guess what, most of them would rather be home safe with their families too.  Everyday I hear of another grocery, food, medical, emergency service, essential employee becoming ill.

I am disengaging from the people that are in sheltered areas feeling they are the only ones being inconvenienced and harmed by this hot mess that is not just our country - it's the whole darn planet.  All across the globe people are hurting, people are losing their livelihoods, family members are dying (not just from Covid 19) that are dying alone and cannot have funerals. 

If you are blessed to stay home.  Well stay home.  If you need groceries or essential supplies - there are many folks willing to help so that you can be home and safe.  That you can protect your precious babies - even if you are a single parent.

I am meditating and praying that at some point we can come together for the greater good.  So that we can stop passing this crap around, so that people can go back to work, so that they can do so many of the things that for a brief moment they can't.

We as a species should be doing better. 

Sorry if this is a rant.  Frankly, I am tired of biting my tongue and allowing people to snap at me and other's virtually.  People that are going out for essential jobs each day deserve a bit more respect.

I'm going to try and go find the beauty and joy in this day.  I am going to reach out to people that are hurting and see if I can find a way to make it better.  I really wish we all would.  I am tired of hearing the negative.  It's harming us more than the illness.  It would be incredible if everyone took a moment to find something good that they could do for the good of others, every single day. 

Can you imagine that beauty?

the other side...

Adjacent opportunities.  I've drawn that particular energy card three times in the past week.  It's a beautiful card that is asking me to look at other possibilities.  Pointing out that there are other paths that I might not be seeing right now.

When I woke up at 4 am today, I had no intention of being up so early.  After all it is Sunday, the Y is currently closed and I know that my phone will not ring with a member concern.  I had turned off my alarm, to hopefully allow my weary mind and body some rest.  Yet there I was, awake.

A million thoughts have spun out of my mind over the past few weeks.  Was it really only two weeks ago that we were all semi-joking about the fact that it was going to be a roller coaster of a week.  I mean it started with a time change, a full moon and ended with a Friday the 13th.  It was my RMOD weekend, so I was braced for the insanity to begin.  I was hopeful, but cautious just the same.  I sat in a leadership meeting that had a solid plan for all of us if this coronavirus became a real threat to us. 

It seemed distant and strange.  I was still struggling with how I felt about it.  Was it real, was it something being "spread" by the media to frighten us?  My conspiracy theorist and questioning heart and soul were struggling to process this... well... thing.

That week had been filled will LONG days and I had to work that next day.  Normally after those meetings I head home.  For some reason after chatting with various people, wrapping up various things... I had one of those feelings.  Getting into my car, I'd called Hubs and said "I have to head to the branch - I don't know why, but I think I am going to be needed there".  I don't know that I have spoken truer words in a long time. Friday the 13th started this spiral that keeps getting bigger and honestly at time a bit more frightening and overwhelming.

I reached out to my team, asked those planning to head home early (after all it was Friday) to wait, just about the time I got the text directing us to stay at our branches and be prepared.

I'm not sure there is a way to be prepared. Over the past ten days we have cancelled programs, closed our buildings, cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more. Unwilling or unable to leave my team unsupported I had been staying through all the shifts, cooked soup and chili, tried everything I can to help them feel loved and supported - truthfully I have probably failed quite miserably.  These times have never existed before. I can only lead with my heart and hope and pray they know that I am here for each of them.

They are amazing and the laughter that has filled our building as we've done the Covid Shuffle and lifted and supported each other has been incredible.  They have filled my heart with so much love and light, and for that I am truly blessed. 

I went home early on Friday - my car needed serviced and I needed to get it done, just in case.  I followed social distancing rules and took care of what needed to be done.  During that time we got the news that Illinois was issuing a stay at home order. I spent a bit of time chatting with my boss and determining what that meant for my team.  Several of them live in Illinois.

The spiral was getting larger...

Yesterday the county and city issued the same order.  I am a tad unclear on the timing, it sounds like the county will "lock down" first. I do not envy our leadership team.  Everything is changing by the moment.  It's a time of taking a breath and everything changing from when you began the exhale.

Hubs and I are trying to process this ever evolving chaos.  We are sorting through what it all means, or trying to.  We both have two paths we are looking at.  We both serve at the Y. That is our chosen career.  Which also means that whatever happens, will happen to both of us. For me, I do not know that we will be essential, I do not know if that means work from home or PTO, or... well... I don't want to go down that rabbit hole right now.

Hubs is in a slightly different career field that is more essential than I am.  There will be work for him to do to keep the buildings safe and secure.

It's the unraveling feeling that is disconcerting. It's like being on a ship, being tossed in the waves.  Every moment that you catch your breath, that you feel steady and stable... well blink... it's changed.

I am going to go retrieve my plants from my office.  They have value to me.  They are living.  They bring me joy.  The rest of it can sit there for a moment.  I am sure the day will come that I will either go back for good or at least to retrieve the rest of it.

I read something powerful the other day.  It said those that make it through this current storm will be those that are adaptable and can change. Those that have the ability to be fluid and adapt to whatever comes.

We are never going back to where we were.  Those times are gone. 

But there are always adjacent possibilities.  Yesterday, I didn't accomplish much.  My heart was heavy, my brain was processing the chaos and storm.  When I woke this morning, after doing my energy exercises, I chose to do a meditation for healing and health. I have cleansing music playing right now and my heart and soul feel strong and fulfilled.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I know it will involve a lock down of sorts.  It needs to. People simply don't seem able to listen. The rest of the dance?  Well it isn't written yet. I might be spending hours calling people and doing wellness checks, I might have work and activities assigned to me. 

Or... I might be on PTO, with however many paid days off I have stretched out before me.  I might have time to declutter and clean, to create both physically and mentally, to prepare meals that will fill our bellies and our hearts. To work on my yard and actually create a garden on my deck.

Or... well let's not throw that thought out into the universe. 

Whatever today brings, I will face it with love and grace.  I will thank the universe for the gifts it has bestowed and look for the good in all of it. I will cherish the slowness that my heart and soul have longed for.  I will laugh and love.  I will spend time enjoying sunshine with my dear Hubs and my sweet pup.  I have time to connect with family and friends.

Maybe this is truly a time a healing and we are missing it in the fear. 

I believe humanity and our dear earth have needed this cleansing and healing. 

Hand on my heart, voice to the heavens I give thanks and love to all!

thoughts...

2:37 am. Why on earth am I awake and alert at such a time?  Does my body not know that I need rest more than ever right now?  Did it miss the memo?

A million disjointed thoughts were running through my mind.  Nothing was working.  I was simply awake.

My guess is those thoughts that are bubbling to the surface at a speed that seems beyond comprehension are important. Why else would they wake me?  Disrupt much needed rest?

The randomness is powerful.  As I sat silently meditating the words that kept flashing through my mind don't seem to make sense.  I kept hearing Sue telling me I come from a long line of powerful women healers and it is my destiny. Let me be clear, I m definitely not in any career path involved in healing.  The sight of blood is enough to almost make me pass out. My sisters all work with healing.

I kept hearing hope. 

And I felt an overwhelming need to write.

My thoughts aren't important.  I am not a great leader that will guide us anywhere.  I am just a single human doing my best in a very unstable and off balanced world.

So many thoughts, so garbled and tumbled.  I think they are a reflection of my emotions. I am so torn with where we are right now.  I can't understand my own feelings to this virus and it's purpose and impact.  How do I guide others through it?

I have always firmly believed that nothing happens without a purpose.  I very firmly believe what we are going through now falls into that same category.

What is the purpose?  As we closed our doors with heavy hearts last night to our members, we know it is for just a moment in time. It is to allow the curve to flatten.  To stop this virus that I heard a medical professional describe as "slippery".  That it has been able to mutate at a far more rapid pace than expected.  That is sweeping across this beautiful planet.

I don't feel fear.  Not for myself.  I am curious.  I am trying to find my place in the unsteadiness.  I am worried for people that are unable to work.  At least for a moment I am okay, Hubs is okay.  My children are.  I haven't had time to check in with everyone.  Just my immediate family.  I am scrambling to keep up with this ever evolving, silent entity.

Were the fires in Australia earlier a prelude?  I keep reflecting back to the pictures that started coming out as that incredible devastation was concluding.  One is burned into my memory, brilliant flowers and greenery growing almost immediately in the midst of all the burnt, charred blackness of before.

My heart feels that was a promise. 

We are going into a period of great change.  We will never go back to where we were just a week ago.  I remember our staff lunch two weeks ago and all of us sitting around laughing and talking.  Of course the corona-virus came up, it's been a topic that lived in the background for months now. Almost as a whole we were saying we weren't sure what to believe, it was being blown out of proportion, even making some crude jokes meant to lighten the mood. Did we already know deep inside that levity was needed?  That something bigger was coming?

I was not worried a week ago.  Slowly, that has shifted.  I feel it is something that we can overcome, I feel strongly in my heart that if we can globally shift into this period of self-isolation.  Minimum contact, moving slower and safer that we can flatten the curve.  We can stop this. 

For a long time now we've been moving at a break neck speed.  I have written for years about the need to slow down and savor life.  I have mourned that we are not teaching our children basics, that we are becoming machine like.  I myself have been one of the voices that has echoed the need to slow down, to go back to that simpler time. Has the universe been noticing too?

I giggle a bit when I read all the folks on Facebook asking what am I going to do with my child/children for months (as across the planet schools are closing for the year).  Maybe I giggle because I am on the other side of raising my babies.  My sweet babies are grown and living their own lives.  And then I see the plethora of posts with ideas.  The very ideas that I did with my kids, that my parents did with us.

We need to heal the family unit.  And it doesn't matter what your family looks like.  My sweet daughter loses her mind some days.  Her youngest will give her as much gray hair as she gave me.  Yet the love and joy I find watching her raise those children is inspiring.  She allows them to live, experience things, try out life.  They cook, they try gardening, they paint, they build, the talk, they laugh.  It's not utopia, it's life.

Children learn in many ways.  I believe that our school system is broken.  It has been for a very long time. We aren't teaching kids life, we are teaching them memorization.  Maybe this is here now to reset that.  Make playdoh, get your fingers dirty, learn to cook, sew, maybe a few life skills.  The things that we have gotten to busy to pass on.

I don't know what the other side of this looks like.  I still haven't processed how I feel.  I am worried thinking about things around me collapsing.  I had to change that thought.  I don't feel worried.  I feel wonder and curiosity.  Yet I am not truly afraid.

Things will look different. Things will feel different. 

People will be different. 

Oddly, I am not sensing the low vibrations that I thought I would feel.  I am curious as to what this is hiding from us. But, I always feel that when the media focuses too hard on any one thing. 

All I know for certain, is that we are never going back.

Those days and times are over.  Take time to be more connected in different ways.  Teach your children things you have forgotten, or if you never learned... I'm sure there is a YouTube channel full of ideas.  Take advantage of all the virtual stuff that is being offered.  Keep an open mind, help where you can, lift other's up - even if it is simply sharing something positive on social media. 

If it's raining, put on your rain boots and go splash in some puddles and search for rainbows.

Be smart.  Bow your head in prayer if that is your belief.  Meditate. Take time to keep yourself and all those around you in a good place.  Walk in the sunshine.  Learn, read, grow...

The possibilities are endless, stop believing they aren't.

Think outside of the box that you have been living in. And do not live in fear.

Like I said, tons of things are swirling, so much I haven't had time to process.

Love and light everyone... I am holding space for you!