but why?

Good morning!! I am in the process of rerouting my day.  So let's celebrate the good things!  There is so much negativity and pain going around.  It's starting to wear people down and it's really making me sad.  As I came downstairs this morning ready to start the day after a uneasy night I could hear Hubs in the basement.  He was definitely not in a happy place.  I stopped to see if there was any assistance I could offer, but as it was a purely technological issue, I quickly gave him a kiss, grabbed my coffee and headed back up to spend the morning with the pups.  

Over the course of a few hours and few people Hubs' mood has definitely gotten darker, even though he kept trying to right the ship.  I'm hoping when he gets home he will be his usual easy going self.  I understand his frustrations.  I truly do.  I'm a bit shocked at the folks causing them, not the usual suspects so to speak.  Which is what leads me to rerouting my day. 

What in the world is wrong with folks?  The grousing and the world owes me attitude is exhausting.  Some of the things I hear come out of people's mouths or worse in writing, blows my ever loving mind!!  I can imagine my parents bringing me up short if I had ever thought I was that important and irreplaceable. 

Newsflash... we are all replaceable.  In every aspect of our lives, with the exception of family, and even those dynamics are something that can be walked away from. Families break apart all the time for a multitude of reasons.  Do they still share blood, oh yeah, do they share a life, not always. 

Friendships, relationships, careers, schools, groups, committees, businesses, etc... the list is absolutely endless. We all can be replaced.  Which is why I am not understanding the way people are behaving lately. Or maybe they have always been this way and I had deep red, rose colored glasses on. 

maybe we should try tug o war?

If I get annoyed with how a business treats me, I go somewhere else.  If you are my friend and you start treating me in a way that is ugly and demeaning, well, our friendship is done. Same goes for any type of relationship.

When I am out in public and I listen to how people interact with fellow team members I am shocked.  I can tell you I have never told a boss or supervisor when I would work, who I would work with or what I would do.  Heck, I didn't even know those kinds of things could happen.  But they definitely do with alarming regularity. 

In my humble opinion, none of us is guaranteed anything in this world.  We need to be able to work together, to treat others with the same respect we ourselves want, and we definitely need to be able to communicate.  We need to have empathy for the struggles that others are dealing with, but at the same time be willing to either walk away (if the relationship isn't worth saving) or call someone out (if it is) when those struggles become the entire world they are living in. We all do it, some of just have those amazing people in our lives.  The ones that help us navigate what appears to be impossible.

I keep watching as more and more people become lost in this crazy, ugly space.  Demanding.  It's exactly like the years that I was a teacher in the 2 year old room.  I loved that age, they were busy discovering who they were and would become. I also hated that age, with an absolute passion.  When challenged they became rigid, unmovable, unwilling to try to understand another alternative might work better for them.  And they simply didn't have the words.  And when the words aren't there, the emotions and rage inside at being unable to verbalize their needs became downright torturous external behavior.  We've all heard about the terrible twos and even if you haven't experienced you can understand.  

I am fairly certain that all of us forever retain that rebellious 2 year old deep inside.  I think most of us manage to acknowledge that we have moments when we are unreasonable, we feel unable to verbalize our wants and needs in an appropriate manner, and we feel a little like the storm outside us is too big and it's affecting the inside us. Most of us still retain the ability to recognize that and to handle it like adults. We step away, we reflect, we get hold of our emotions before we speak. 

What I am watching from my quiet place is a world that is rapidly devolving into an out of control 2 year old playroom. Where half the kids got the toy everyone wanted and the adults stepped out to watch through one way glass.  There is yelling, pushing, shoving.  The experiment is escalating out of control, the inner 2 year old is winning. Name calling, tantrums, hair pulling, screaming, tears (lots of tears) and a whole lot of "mine, mine, mine".  And don't forget the ever present "NO!". 

When pushed into these scenarios with the inability to communicate appropriately, the wheels come off the bus. Are things like social media or media in general, causing this decline in the ability to acknowledge a situation without throwing yourself on the ground and having a tantrum?  I have no idea, but I long for a simpler time, a gentler time. 

Life is never going to be "fair".  There will always be have's, have not's and I don't cares.  There will always be those that life just flows for, there will always be strain and stress.  None of us will ever agree with another 100% on anything.  Even if it is a blood family member or the love of your life, your soul mate.  There will still be things that make you scratch your head, step back and go "huh?".  And it's okay. As Hubs always quotes "wouldn't it be a drag if we were all the same".

But throwing verbal tantrums, demeaning others, being disrespectful or rude.  Sorry, I firmly believe there is no place in this world for that kind of nonsense.   And when full grown men and women act like they are toddlers.  That is just exhausting.  When businesses refuse to hear and deal with customers in a helpful manner, even more exhausting. 

Dealing with that kind of negativity isn't helping anyone.  My parents taught me you get more flies with honey.  Now I do believe flies are very attracted to poop too, so that might not be a sound analogy, but the fact remains, if you want me to be on by your side, to be an ally and a supporter, then you'd better be bringing the honey.  It doesn't matter if we think the same, feel the same, have the same hopes, dreams or goals.  I will be beside you, as long as you are kind and willing to meet somewhere close to the middle.  Start threatening, demanding or acting like you are a 2 year old without the skills required to communicate and we are going to be done. 

Standing on the sidelines, observing all of this, it really makes me sad.  I feel for the fact that my sweet Hubs who would do anything for anyone (literally - he doesn't set the strong boundaries that I do) has anyone acting like that... well mind blown. People seriously need to revisit using internal filters before speaking, texting, emailing, etc.  "Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind", I believe that is the filter that Buddhist practitioners use. Maybe it would benefit us all?

I absorbed as much of his energy as I could this morning, hoping by being a safe space he would have a better day.  I knew it wasn't directed at me.  I knew he was feeling the effects of outside forces. I get it.  I wish I could put a blanket of protection around him, I wish a few other things, but I can't so I won't... 

As he left to deal with a world that is rapidly devolving, I decided it was time to refocus.  To change the trajectory of the moment.  I know rain is coming this afternoon, evidently lots of it.  My body is a bit weary from pushing so much the past few weeks, I do have a health issue that causes those kinds of pains to linger unfortunately.  But I still had outside chores to tackle, so... I did.  

Before the rain I got the obedient plants in the ground along the fence line, I am hopeful that the fact that they like to spread out will mean they will head down the steep hill to provide erosion control. And I planted the tall asters along the front of the lower deck.  I adore my neighbor on that side, but I am not fond of the lack of a physical barrier and the exposure while enjoying the time out back.  I am a person that likes privacy. When I invite you in, I cherish that time, the rest of the time, I might be a spoiled two year old that put myself in timeout. 

The lady I bought the plants from assured me that the Asters will grow to about 5 or 6 feet tall and they will also spread.  I am toying with adding more zinnia seeds in between while waiting for that to become the reality.  A little beauty mixed with a little privacy.  Seems like a win/win to me. 

how did it get under there?

Digging in the soil, marveling at the thick earthworms that are moving back into yard, breaking the large clumps of flowers so that they can expand and grow... all of these things slows the pace.  Calms the spirit, connects us to things that matter., grounds us. 

Hubs will be home in a few hours for lunch, hopefully he is able to calm the stressors that were causing his morning to go off the tracks.  For me, I am planning a calm rest of the day.  A chance for my weary, painful muscles to rest.  I will tackle the softer things on my list.  Let things ease up.  

Bring on the rain... I'm ready... 

love and peace, b

need to know...

Do you ever find yourself putting things off?  Forgetting something that needs to be addressed or done?  I think I am the queen of that universe. The sad part is that it is far from intentional, it's simply because I have so many things swimming in my head and heart.  Plans, ideas, need to do's and want to do's. At some point things fall off the immediate radar, usually because something else has caught my attention. 

I came down from my sewing studio a few minutes ago, needing to refill my water and finally remember to eat something, or if I'm honest to stretch my back a bit.  I seriously need a different solution for a sewing chair...  there I go again, drifting off. 

As I pushed the buttons to fill my cup with ice and filtered water, I had to smile to myself and also sort of scold myself. Something so simple. 

While I was in Alabama, literally months ago... we aren't going to say how many months because it is down right shameful, the ice/water dispenser died.  Hubs popped a towel behind it to stop the non-stop flow, but knew from the last repair that his hands were too big to do the work, he needed me. 

I came home from an incredible visit with my sister-in-law, full of more ideas (go figure) and fixing the fridge was definitely not on the planning table at all.  The drive was long, I needed rest.  At least that is what I used as an excuse for the first day or two.  Fast forward a month or so, I discovered that I could simply lock and unlock it as needed and solved the towel problem.  Moved on to other want to do's, weird how those pesky to-do's seem to always get shoved further back on the list. 

Finally ordered, what I thought was the part, stalling about taking it apart and investigating.  It's a fairly cumbersome job moving that monster out of the little space built for it and honestly, I was being lazy. Sweet Hubs by my side we disassembled and reassembled the part, sure it was just the micro switch again, neither of us stopping to question the little spring that flew out of nowhere, until we noticed the paddle was still not working as it should. 

Replacing the switch with the old one, as that was evidently not the issue, and realizing that little spring played a critical role in our problem we noticed the little broken bit of plastic, evidently the whole assembly needed replaced.  No worries, we had the part number and the Amazon could have it to us the next day.  Problem solved, repair on it's way!  

Not having to struggle for filtered water was getting closer, right? I know the fridge is 10 years old, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it?  

One would think.  Pull it out again, disassemble it all again.  Install new one, ask Hubs where the paddle was, as it wasn't attached.  Look through boxes like crazed people.  Slowly realize that the paddle is not there.  Seriously?  

Go on a massive internet search, questioning the sanity and intelligence of the people that make a dispenser without a paddle, when that is a critical part of it being able to function. In despair, realizing that the original part is almost impossible to find and none of the available parts have the paddle attached. Yes, still critical, not able to be removed without breaking it from the original, pausing to read comments from others feeling affirmed that I am not the only one pondering this challenge, I decide it's time to start making phone calls. 

Three parts dealers later, I find out that there is another part that is compatible and that I can have it the next day.  Please take my money!  

They say the third times a charm.  Hubs and I pulled the fridge out, yet again, working in the very narrow space between it and the island, what kind of architect makes these placement decisions? We finally installed the dispenser and slid it back into place. 

The silly joy that comes from being able to get a glass of ice water without struggling is so much a first world problem and joy.  The self-loathing that it took me months to tackle is only slightly eased by the fact that I would have had to deal with all the chaos at a time when my plate was full and I didn't have the energy to add more to it. 

Okay, I admit it, I am the queen of forgetting things.  Or maybe the universe knew I wasn't ready to deal with all that drama and kept giving me distractions until the time was right? Whatever the case, I'm thankful to have the ability to pop into the kitchen for ice and water and not having to go through all of the steps.  

Makes me wonder what else I have been shuffling off to the side that may only take a moment in time to resolve... hmm... whatever it is, it will have to wait.  My back is ready to go finish the quilt I am working on today, no time for remembering what I might have forgotten.  

Love and prayers... B

I've got questions...

I've got some serious questions, ones that I have been stewing over for quite a long time.  How long have we been being conditioned to not speak to others?  How long have the seeds of distrust and fear been being sown?  

I know I have written my thoughts down about the fact that we no longer really have front porches, that we don't get to know our neighbors or even the neighborhood grocer, etc.  But lately it is becoming far more noticeable to me that the break down to our society in general is becoming even more fractured. 

Here's what I mean.  I am not someone that randomly strikes a conversation.  I will offer to help if it is noticeable that you need assistance, but to just speak, nah... that's not me.  It isn't something new, I have been this way my entire life. I offer smiles like they are free for the taking, but I am not usually going to speak. 

 Those few folks that became close friends when I was a kid and young adult, probably never even realized the struggle it was for me to open up enough to be friends.  Probably why I cherish all of my friendships so much, even ones from so long ago, the price paid was huge, they are and were worth the investment.  Besides, that is Hubs strength, he has never in his life met a stranger.  Although I am even starting to sense a hesitancy in him lately. A preference to text as opposed to calling someone, a less open way in communicating. 

I was at the grocery the other day, I'd found a great recipe for a grain-free, nut-free bread that I was dying to try and realized I'd used all my flax meal making puppy treats. As I wandered around I was just observing the state of the store, the things they were out of, and of course people watching.  The atmosphere wasn't intense and anxious so I just took a moment to stroll. 

As I was walking to my car when leaving, I see a woman loading her car, she looked anxious and intense.  I get it, I don't often like to be alone these days either and I live in what would be classified as a "safe" neighborhood.  I walked past with my single bag, enjoying the sunshine and I smiled at her.  I noticed that she slightly smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes.  I also noticed that she had a box of mason jars on the bottom of her cart, I started to just walk on, but something encouraged me to turn around and speak.  

I'd seen the jars in the store also, but I didn't buy any.  They are priced obscenely high now, almost double other stores, something inside told me to tell her where I'd found them so much cheaper.  As I turned and said excuse me, the fear in her eyes was something you could feel.  I am not a threat to anyone, I'm a short, mostly out of shape, older lady (ouch that hurts) with a replaced knee - a toddler can out run me. I wasn't even wearing clothing that could have concealed a weapon.  But she looked afraid, instantly.  

When I mentioned the fact that I'd noticed her mason jars, the fear turned almost open hostility, with a sharp yes.  It wasn't until I said, I'd noticed them in the store too, but wanted to share with her that I'd found an abundance of them at the local hardware store significantly cheaper that she just as quickly became friendly, excited and open.  Her smile became genuine, she was grateful to know that and said she would head over there to look.  She thanked me profusely for telling her about it and we parted ways. 

Here's the thing, what caused that fear?  I live in a very diverse neighborhood, racially, ethnically, financially, gender, religious... you name it we probably have it covered.  I think it is one of the reasons I love where I live, it feels so much more like the diverse military communities that I grew up in, I personally feel safe and calm here. 

I thought about it fairly intensely the rest of the day.  Reflecting on my own trip to the grocery a few days before, I realize that she probably had several hundred dollars worth of groceries in her cart, was she afraid I would attempt to take them?  Was she personally reflecting on the extreme expense she'd just paid for that cart of groceries and pondering how she'd pay the rest of her bills for the month?  I feel you sister, I'd suffered the same shock myself. 

Is all of this just our own reflection of how we feel about things surrounding us? Are we assigning our own fears and comfort levels to others?  I'm not sure.  It lingered with me for most of yesterday, which might be why I felt a bit hyper aware of things I observed, yet it hit me again yesterday as I saw not one but two alerts to be aware of strangers at a local park. 

I'm not saying the person had a need to be fearful or not.  They might have been quite accurate in their assessment of the situation, or they might have been extreme.  I wasn't there, I have no way of knowing. Evidently their 15 year old daughter was running up and down a steep hill while training for something, an older man said hello and asked why she was running up and down the hill in that kind of heat.  That is the way the father of the girl shared the story.  Nothing seemed extreme about the conversation, nothing set off red flags or said to react in a protect manner from the dad's story.  Yet, 90% maybe more of the folks responded with call the police, he could be a pedophile, how could you let her run in the park alone, did she have mace or a weapon with her, you get the gist of the conversation. 

The dad said he confronted the man about speaking to his daughter and he got mad and didn't like be accused.  That made everyone more vigilante, of course he must be guilty if he got angry. Maybe he got mad because of how he was approached and the way the conversation went?  

Again, I don't know.  But more and more the only response I see to anyone speaking about anything unusual or strangers in the neighborhood is "call the police".  Maybe I'm too trusting, even if I don't speak to other's often.  Maybe I'm the foolish one, maybe it is years of working in a downtown community across the street from one of the largest homeless shelters around, but I think we are breaking as a society.  And once that happens what in the world do we become?

Humans are by nature "pack animals", very rarely do they successfully live with interaction with other humans.  If we become so afraid of one another, then what?

I don't have answers, I'd love to say I have a magic ball that allows me to see where we are heading at such a break neck speed.  But I don't.  

In the midst of all these thoughts I also remembered a conversation with my girl the other night.  We were at her house reminiscing about when she moved into the neighborhood, she and her realtor told outrageous tales to everyone that asked her about her life.  Each one got a different story, they had a blast!  Then slowly she got to know them and told them about the prank they'd played.  She had her reasons for wanting and needing privacy right then, but when the time was right she'd shared her truth. She has made amazing friendships in our neighborhood, she talks with everyone and is the life of the party.  This same child would sit under tables in grade school to avoid being noticed. 

I felt a touch guilty as she shared with me the close relationships she has with all of her neighbors.  I haven't put energy and effort into doing that myself.  I enjoy my peaceful time.  But maybe, just maybe it's time to stop being quite so secluded.  I know I have observed this many times before, I also know that I usually resort back to my little safe cocoon.  Who knows, maybe it is like when you buy a new kind of car and all the sudden they are literally everywhere.  Maybe the need to connect to people is becoming so great that it is showing up everywhere?

I don't have any answers to all of this, I don't have solutions or even ideas of how to more the pendulum the other direction.  I just feel deep in my soul that we are at a point where we have to do it, all of us.  If the shoe had been on the other foot at the grocery store how would I have responded?  If I encountered someone I didn't know at the park would it have been in fear?  I don't know, I don't have answers. Only questions. 

I think it's time to work on changing directions though....

love and peace...

thinking...

I'm running a bit behind today, well... maybe not running behind, but starting my normal routine a bit later than usual.  I had to run an errand this morning to the old neighborhood.  The area where Hubs and I began our fairytale.  I don't go that direction much, it's not my favorite area.  I don't know why, it simply never has been.  Since I was over there anyhow, I decided to drive past a few of the old places, to walk down memory lane so to speak.  

I wasn't in a hurry and I'd decided since I was in the neighborhood, I was going to pick up a batch of fresh corn from the farm we always bought from.  It's sweet and fresh from the fields this morning.  As I headed that direction I drove past our old house, very happy to see that all of the beautiful trees we planted are thriving and providing a very shaded spot for the new owners.  They seem to be taking great care of it and it looked loved with the planters along the front porch and the bend still in the carport frame. It looked almost like it did when we lived there, almost.  

As the pups and I drove around I found myself a bit numb.  There was a few places expanding, okay, gas stations were expanding and at $4.99 a gallon I guess so.  But everything else was sad.  So many businesses were closed.  Sitting silent and vacant.  Huge buildings with even bigger parking lots simply abandoned.  The mall looks to be fairly deserted also, there was a time it was the cornerstone of that town.  I noticed that 2 huge fitness centers have forever closed their doors, leaving more gaping spaces.  

The roads were horrible, so much of it torn up and crumbling.  Most of the businesses I remember are gone.  Replaced by a combination of wig shops, vape shops and pawn shops, everywhere... also shops that had huge phone card signs in their windows - not really sure what those would be called. 

The movie theater is closed and a couple of hotels appeared to be closed also, or under questionable ownership.  Definitely weren't places that I would consider staying in and they were new when we lived there. A lot can change in eight years. 

The area was struggling to find itself when we left, but things were still open.  Now, it's a shell.  An extension of the next town over, that had also been left behind with the times. I simply don't understand it.

I hadn't really intended to write today.  My brain felt empty, my to do list long.  I didn't feel compelled to write.  I'm sure folks become weary of hearing about my gardens and hobbies. So today, I intended to simply run my early morning errands and spend the rest of the day working on the two quilts that I need to get done.  It's going to be super hot and being in the cold basement sounded like heaven. 

One of the reasons I don't go often is that it is 45 minutes each way, to me that seems like a long drive to a place I didn't really leave anything.  The only reason I ever lived there was because my sweet Hubs did.  Those are his roots, not mine.  In fact the only reason I still go there, is because I absolutely LOVE my bank and I like doing business with them.  I will not leave them as long as they are there, so occasionally, I have a long drive to make.  They are worth it.  

Driving through I started to question and wonder.  Will all of the towns start looking like that?  Even my current town is starting to have a few more places boarding up their shops, leaving the area.  They are closing for a variety of reasons.  No workers, no inventory, lack of customers... how many of these places only exemplify the state of our economy.  When the only places expanding are selling gas?

Where I currently live they are in the process of building an Aldi.  I am quite please about that, because it's one of my favorite places to shop.  Mostly out of nostalgia (it's German - I grew up in Germany), but also because it is a reasonable place to shop and I can often get things that remind me of Germany.  Yet as I was working on canning the plethora of blueberries my friend and I picked on Saturday I was listening to a program that started out with the statement that Aldi is closing stores across the country. Various reasons were given.  A few were simply located in neighborhoods that are not going to shop their venue.  I mean, lets be serious it's not considered high end.  But others, too many others, were talking about the need to close because they were being stolen from to a level that they simply couldn't afford to stay.  Some couldn't find employees to work. And some were a combination of location, theft and lack of employees. 

Reason number two broke my heart. I'm sorry, but I can't condone theft.  Even if you are starving, there are other ways.  If you haven't earned it, if it isn't yours, you shouldn't take it. It feels to me like more and more folks are wanting something for nothing nowadays.  They aren't wanting to be part of a solution, at least not in large metro areas where the give me mentality seems so much stronger. 

I've been spending a lot of time in smaller areas, more rural, areas where folks work for what they want and need.  And where they give each other helping hands, not the government doing the helping.  The mentality is so much different in those areas. The atmosphere and environment is so very, very different. 

I think we need to wake up.  Sooner as opposed to later.  The view in my old neighborhood, was shocking and hurtful.  I wonder if those still living there can actually see it, or if they have simply become accustomed to the view?

I know it will be a good long while before I go over there again.  I miss speaking with the ladies at the bank, the ones that remember details about you and your pups even if they only see you a couple times a year.  The ones that speak to you like a long lost family member, our little bank that belongs in the fictional Mayberry.  I do not miss the rest of it, not in the least. 

Our world is not in a good place.  Our world is suffering.  I can't even say just our country, state, town or community.  It's global.  Are you paying attention?  I'm starting to feel more and more drawn into myself, my family, and my tribe. I feel too many times like the bell ringer on the corner saying be ready to people that cannot and will not heed the warnings.  We each have our own journeys to walk, our own reasons for being here.  I hate when people suffer, I don't want to see anyone suffer.  

I might not be the old bell ringer, but I am definitely becoming the crazy old lady down the road that keeps to herself and talks to her plants.  And works in her garden. Don't mind me... I'm just walking my path in this life... 

love and peace...

so many questions...

It's another beautiful morning, I could seriously get used to this.  We didn't have a fire this morning, honestly the humidity is a touch too high for that today.  When even a mild 70° makes you feel like sticky and hot, it is not fire weather. 

Hubs and I have quite a to do list we want to tackle today.  We seem to be a touch behind on our honey do's, and want to enjoy the rest of the weekend. We've been working on it off and on this morning while enjoying our morning coffee in the garden and relaxing.  Today is supposed to be a scorcher, so we will tackle most of the outside stuff early today.  Before the heat gets far too high and the storms that are promised roll in. 

I am struggling to believe that we are already halfway through the year.  Where does the time go?  It's unbelievable. I mean just on a daily basis it flies past, but lately, it feels like I can't keep track of anything.  All week I was a day ahead.  Convinced that it was a full day further than it was, yet here it is Friday (finally) and now I don't know what to do with this day.  It still feels like I'm on a different day.  

I didn't get everything done yesterday, so the herbs just made it into the dehydrator.  I wonder if I am planning too much into the day, or if I am just being a slacker.  Truthfully, time feels super fluid and I am constantly trying to figure out the who, what and why's of my time lately. 

I was talking to my friend yesterday and she literally said the same thing.  So it can't just be me. Anyone else feeling a bit lost in time lately?

Add to that all of the insanity in the world lately, and my head is buzzing. I was listening to my favorite YouTube channel again yesterday and it broke my heart.  She was talking about adopting 4 little barn kitties and talking about her experience at the shelter.  It seems at least in her area, that many people are losing their homes and having to surrender their fur babies.  Mostly dogs.  My heart just cracked in two.  I could not for a second understand the pain that must be creating.  For the families and the fur babies.  Definitely not an okay factor.  Then I also struggle with all the babies that don't have homes.  If I lived out in the country with a lot of acreage I would rescue them all. My pups are my heart.  I have never surrendered one and I never will. I did leave one with my mom, he loved her to bits and he was simply too old to survive another flight across the ocean. I knew where he was and that he was loved for every minute of his life. If I had been required to surrender one, I would have been devastated. 

What is going on in this world of ours?  I'm reading about shortages globally now and even some countries rationing things like sugar, oils and flour.  Most of the ready made foods contain those three ingredients in a big way.  So... I am guessing we can expect more shortages in those areas.  There is strange stuff being bounced around out there.  I hope you are paying attention. 

Trying to buy puppy food is getting crazy difficult.  Luckily they are almost a year old now, so I can switch to adult food. I'd just logged in to my autoship account only to find out the food they have been on their whole lives is no longer available and they don't know when it will be.  I looked for potentially a different flavor of the same brand and over half of their products are not available.  Period. Unbelievable.  We are running into the same problems with other items we usually purchase also.  Gotta order my babies a good supply of food, I refuse to feed them the junk that is filled with nothing but bi-products.  

Well for the second day in a row my internet is being super squirrely so... I am going to take that as a sign that it is time to stop this and get busy with doing the things....

Have a wonderful day... 

love and peace...

some questions...

Good morning everyone!  I guess I needed that little break, a quick trip to Arkansas, finally meeting my youngest great nephew and spending time with most of the family felt refreshing and energizing. The little dude is awesome, God is working some serious miracles in that one.  And the lessons that we are all learning from him are true blessings!

I am 100% unpacked and cleaned up from the trip, camper is back in storage for a bit and even the laundry is done.  Today, life returns to "normal"... although I am not really sure what normal is in this day and age.  Maybe it is better to say life returns to my everyday routine. 

I was out in the treetop garden before the sun broke the horizon, taking full advantage of the fact that it was only in the 70's and humidity was fairly mild.  I got the garden weeded, watered and even did a bit of harvesting.  The peas are still fighting on, so each morning I harvest whatever bounty they give and pop them into the freezer. It's amazing how much changed in just 4 days.  My tomato plants are going crazy, although the squirrel managed to snatch the first Cherokee purple (I am not happy - at all) and he also killed the one I started from a sucker on another plant.  Guess he wasn't thrilled with the location?  Or he was taking full advantage of the puppies being out of town.  

I applied liberal coffee grounds this morning and will be putting out a dish of water for him today.  Most of the time when they are stealing tomatoes it isn't because they like tomatoes, it's because they are thirsty.  And with this heat we are having I can definitely believe that!

Everywhere I looked the garden is filled with life and growth.  I even have my first pickle!  The pepper plants are bursting with buds and tiny peppers, the jalapeno's are simply growing like crazy (this is fantastic and the dragon loves jalapeno jelly).  

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my beautiful kale is going to survive the caterpillars and moths. It was flourishing when we left and now it's a bunch of stems.  I will see if I can revive it.  Today will involve doing some research into deterring and protecting my garden from little beasties.  

I'll be honest, I needed those few moments in the garden this morning.  My faith that life will endure is always renewed after a bit of time out there.  While I was in Arkansas I checked out my sister's garden.  I have to say, I am always a tad envious of her country paradise.  She has far better restraint than I do, I'm pretty sure my garden would have grow to fill all available land, whether I had time to work it or not.  Her's is great!  Everything is nicely spaced and growing so beautifully.  Her blueberry bush is what dreams are made of.  It's as large and luscious as the ones that we picked from in the pacific northwest. It's absolutely covered in large green berries.  Yep, super jealous of that one.  Also equally super happy for her.  

I even got to enjoy her little baby chickens.  The pups didn't know what to think about them.  Poor Belle was the most confused as she loves to chase birds, but those ones were quite a bit bigger than she expected.  Neither of my babies is cut out for country life.  They were terrified of the feral kittens, probably a good thing as their momma would have messed them up.  And big bad Beau was a wreck when my brother in law came out of the camper in the dark and ended up plastered to me, shaking like crazy.  They are big, but they are still babies.  Although that didn't stop Hubs and my brother in law from teasing him and giving him a new nickname. 

I'm holding tight to great things like this.  Because coming home was a pure eye opener.  When we left on Friday gas was stupid high at $4.49. I was unbelievably stunned when we hit small towns south of us where gas is usually lower and discovered that it was $4.69 down there. So you can imagine how sick I was to my stomach as we returned home on Monday to gas being $4.89.  Our trip south ran us just over $85 in gas, not terrible.  Trip home, same distance and mileage $128.  There is a reality check for you. 

I was hurrying to get my dishes washed and a load of laundry done before the higher energy usage costs of mid-day kicked in.  As Ameren keeps warning me it will all be more expensive now.  I will modify my daily plans to get things done during non-peak times and save those times for things that don't draw as much on the utilities. 

As much as I want to get busy with my canning chores, this morning I need to get into my sewing room.  I need to get the curtains shortened to put in the kitchen windows to block out the heat of the day.  Our deck takes a direct beating during the hottest part of the day, we used to have the gazebo that blocked out a sufficient amount of sunlight, with that gone, I need to get busy.  I'm pulling down all the blinds and closing all the shutters.  I will miss the sunlight, I will not miss the unbearable heat.  I loathe heat. I will remove the tie-backs from my drapes and move into dungeon world to avoid being overheated. 

I was browsing the book this morning and noticed multiple friends are starting to say the very things I have been thinking, feeling, and finally saying for a long time.  Questioning what the heck is going on.

While down in the country the radio station Hubs had on started the day with a farm report.  Did you know the beef industry in this country is booming (according to them) that we are exporting the largest amount of beef in our entire recorded history?  That we are sending the bulk of it to China to lift up their economy.  If that farm report was done in the exciting grab your attention manner that the daily news is, would more people realize what they are talking about?  Instead of the monotone, soft spoken announcer reading a running list of facts, luring everyone except farmers to sleep.

I'm very happy for the farmers that are making a profit, or at least I hope they are, these humans are keeping our country fed.  And I don't for a moment believe the farmers are the ones doing this.  I believe it is our government, ya know all those folks that are making an obscene amount of money on a public servants wage?

I have to say I was struggling with that news all day yesterday. It brought to mind a multitude of questions.  Starting with why do we appear to have a shortage in this country if we can export so much? Have you seen the prices on meat?  Steaks are unreal.  If we have so much that we can export the largest amount of all time, why are we being told at the grocery store that the reason the prices are so high is because there is a shortage of meat.... you know Covid, worker shortage at the processing plants, etc... 

Moving on to why are American's being encouraged to eat fake meat?  The standard talking point is that cows are bad for the environment, etc.  Now I completely agree that factory farms are bad for the environment, the cows and the consumer, but not all meat is from factory farms.  But it seems we have plenty of extra beef to send to other parts of the world, I guess it's only bad if it is for folks in this country?

I am definitely perplexed by what I am hearing, reading and seeing with my own two eyes. I also have read in multiple places now that Smithfield is closing their western US processing plants.  They are owned by a Chinese company and simply aren't making the profit they want.  This is concerning also. Again, not because giant agricultural plants are good for any of us, but where is the safety net for the American people.  Where is the plan B? Did you know Utah has declared an economic/agricultural state of emergency ahead of these closures?  Many people will lose their jobs and because for decades farmers have been driven to supply only to these large companies there is a shortage of processing plants to switch to. 

At what point do people wake up and question the true state of what is going on?  I'm completely over the comedy hour the J6 committee is throwing.  Stop it!  All of these distractions are just that, DISTRACTIONS!  Turn off the television, vote the idiots out, clean up our election system, court system and education system and lets get back to living.  I am seriously over it all. 

While folks are focusing hard on the latest distraction, currently the J6 bull crap, we are being handed our bottoms.  Gas is skyrocketing, food is becoming scarce (did you really believe the baby formula bull - at what point do you question that plenty of places in the world have an abundance yet we don't?), utilities are approaching the stupid level.  When do we wake up and call it for what it is? 

Have you tried to have your vehicle repaired?  Buy an appliance?  Furniture?  Seriously people, wake up!

I'm super tired of the folks that are like oh, the gas is high because Putin went into Ukraine, no... gas was already on an upward trend before that, a sharp upward trend. It is freaking smoke and mirrors.  They are hoping they have you too distracted by working insane hours, watching the predictive programming that is television, gaslighting you by repeating lies over and over again, and in such poor health from all the crap they are putting in food that you don't realize you are an active participant in your own countries destruction. 

When do we realize we are in a very abusive relationship and it isn't going to end well for us?  We aren't crazy, we aren't imagining it.  It's very real?  Need a reality check, go fill up your gas tank and go for a "Sunday drive"... 

I'm sorry if this isn't the happy go lucky blog posting some were expecting.  I'm sorry if it sounds like I am a doomsayer.  Ironically, I believe that we will eventually all come together, I believe that we will see that damn light and realize it is an on-coming train wreck and work together to over-come the damage.  It isn't just in this country, this is not an American problem.  This is a global problem.  And no I don't believe it is the fault of any country.  Frankly, I feel it is the fault of people being lured into a false sense of security, being willing to trade freedom for things.  Becoming lured into a passive state and afraid to say no, this is wrong and you need to go.  That applies to many countries, not just our own. 

I'm weary, I'm frustrated, I am concerned.  But you know what else I am?  I'm determined, I'm hopeful, I am confident and I am amazed at the ingenuity and wisdom of people as they are opening their eyes and looking at the real root of the challenges we have been facing and the greater challenges that I fear we are getting ready to face. 

We've been warned throughout history.  When do we pay attention?

Beau has some questions... 

Well... this crazy woman, has a great deal to accomplish today.  Taking off four days was a bit reckless, even if it was a much needed mental and emotional break. I want to get those curtains up before the sun gets too high on the horizon.  

Please take a moment to just consider what I've written, to think about it from a completely neutral space, to consider the impact that all of this is having on you and your loved ones.  Choose to become part of the solution, not part of the problem.

love and peace everyone...

storms rolling in...

I was just out in my happy place, the treetop garden.  I love it in the early morning hours, with the lights glowing, in the silence of the wee hours.  It's calming, it's peaceful.  It gives me a feeling of closeness to God.  I didn't want to leave it.  I covered the grill, Hubs had forgotten.  I sat there for a moment and enjoyed my coffee.  

I was laughing because my sweet pups are afraid of the dark, so even though they wanted to go downstairs, they won't.  We have a few solar lights up in the back, but most of it is shaded too heavily for that to be the solution.  Hubs bought a light that is motion activated that we will put down there, we just haven't gotten to it yet. 

I sat there for a few moments, gathering my thoughts and planning my day.  Listening to the sounds of the world waking up, watching my scared puppies sitting inside looking at me like I was absolutely crazy. I came in when I started to hear the raindrops on the umbrella.  

In the distance there is a strong rumbling of thunder, sitting inside with a puppy (sometimes two) in my lap I keep seeing random flashes of lightning.  My weather alert let me know that there is severe thunderstorm moving into the area, I can't wait. I should disrupt the puppy in my lap to go out and put down the umbrella, I can't bring myself to do it. 

barely room for mom...

daddy needs in on the cuddles too

Thankfully neither of these sweet babies are afraid of storms.  They've never had any reason to be. My Gator was terrified of them.  I spent many storms comforting him and trying to erase the fear he developed when he was left on the streets to survive on his own. My babies haven't known that kind of fear, they have no reason to notice.  It's crackling around on all sides and they are sleeping quietly.  All of his life with me I had wished I could take away Gators fear, to make it as if it never happened.  I couldn't.  But he only knew love and protection after he came to me.  I sort of feel like these babies are my chance to heal his wounds, even though he is gone. So for a moment or two, I am going to sit here and let my little boy sleep and enjoy his puppy dreams, doing the things can wait. 

sound asleep holding her toy...

We are only supposed to have storms for a couple of hours today. I was wondering if we were going to only have the bowling tournament in heaven kind.  Lots of banging and cracking, but dry with little to no rain.  Just as I started to type that out, I heard the rain start.  I won't need to water my garden today, it's coming down hard.  Washing the world to a fresh start. 

I hope everyone is doing well.  This world is going quite wonky and sadly, I don't believe it will get any less wonky, in fact each day seems to find new and unique ways to point that out.  Being at home, I have a greater opportunity to observe these things. I am not distracted by a full time job and other people. I don't have a million different things vying for my attention. 

Hubs has a few different places to be today, so he will probably take my car as I do not, it gets better mileage than his truck and as he isn't hauling anything there is no reason to take the truck.  I will probably have him pick up a few things while he is out and about to avoid any extra driving.  He was on one of the apps this morning looking at gas prices.  Yesterday I found a website that tracks the changes. In my state, the average a week ago was $4.17, a month ago it was $3.88, yesterday it was $4.45 today... the average for the state is $4.49.  Here in the Lou, the average is $4.53.  I find this to be very telling of things to come. 

I am absolutely not going to start an electric car conversation.  Because the technology and infrastructure are simply not there on a grand scale.  And trust me there are many times in the last few decades that I considered one.  The cons still outweigh the pros when you stop and truly think it through.  Don't use talking/selling points.  Use rational thought. 

Besides it isn't just gasoline that is going up.  Have you noticed the change in your utility bills yet?  Why are they all of the sudden replacing all of our meters?  My house had one of the stupid "smart" meters when we moved in, it wasn't an option.  Yet they just came out and "upgraded" it to one they could have more control over. Look away, nothing to see here. 

Yesterday I was struggling with anxiety.  Fear is a dangerous thing that can really mess with your mind.  I was super tired and allowed myself to watch a bit of the news.  Those two things should never happen.  Once Hubs went to work and the televisions were off, I could feel my calmness return.  

I got busy.  I did productive things to take care of my family.  I returned to that place of being aware, but not being a part of it. I was still edgy most of the day, in fact sweet Hubs did point out that I seemed a bit grouchy.  I wasn't. I was simply tired and should have taken a nap. I went to bed early last night, super early. 

And after a full night of sleep, I am ready to face this day.  I am hopeful, I know that no matter how difficult it could become, we have a solid plan and the skills to be okay.  I hear a lot of folks remembering how bad it was in '08, worrying that it is going to be worse.  I don't disagree on the "worse" factor.  The thing is, I don't remember it being so horrible.  Sure money got super tight, we took pay cuts that hurt, we still had kiddo's at home so dollars didn't stretch super far.  

But.... 

I don't remember it being a time of great need.  We shifted our patterns.  We didn't go out to eat, except for those $4.99 specials so we could feed the whole family for around $30.  We changed the stores we shopped at and cut back further on name brand items.  We still did things, just not pricey things.  Instead of a pool membership, we bought a small pool for the backyard.  I worked my gardens around my work schedule and we did just fine. We cut where we needed and we were smart with the bits that we had. 

Have you thought about what some of this could, most likely will, mean for your daily life?  I have and do.  I'm not worried, but I am aware and I am taking steps to insure that this inflation will cause us the least amount of pain possible.  It will cause pain, every time we fill a vehicle it hurts, but we are doing all we can to minimize that level of discomfort.  Are you?

Well, I need to get busy... I have some canning I want to wrap up today and some sewing too.  In a few moments sweet Hubs will come up from the man cave in search of breakfast... have a beautiful, productive day!

love and peace...

deep thoughts...

The treetop garden is loving the rain that fell all night, hopefully I will see things starting to sprout this week.  There is nothing quite like the birth of spring.  Last night we were walking and I saw one of the biggest trees in the neighborhood covered with the soft glow of spring leaves.  It's such a beautiful color, full of hope and promise.  

The tree outside my window is in a hurry this year, the pretty little white flowers have barely burst through and the leaves are already sprouting.  This time of birth is so magical to me, I love experiencing spring,  bursting forth to it's fullest potential.  For years and years I only observed this time of year through a window.  Longing to be outside, praying for a break that I could go sit in the sun.  This is the first time in almost 18 years that I will get to fully enjoy the beauty of the season.  I am beyond excited. 

Today will be a mixture of cloudy skies and rain.  But we all need a bit of that to develop to our fullest. Right now I have a lot of family and friends that are going through that period of cloudy skies and rain in a figurative way.  My sweet little great nephew is struggling hard, they are trying to keep him healthy enough to heal so that he can have the next surgery.  It's tentatively scheduled for the end of the month, we'll see.  Little guy managed to catch the same virus that put him in the hospital less than a month ago, he's fighting to get well again.

I have to tell you, I am amazed at the strength, love and hope that his parents, grand parents and the entire family is showing.  I am only his great aunt, and I don't know that I am as strong as the rest of them.  I firmly believe the saying that you never know how strong you are until you aren't given a choice.  They are a living testament to it.  

I know that all I can do is continue to pray, offer any support needed and send all the positive healing energy I can.  I also ask friends and family to do the same.  

In a way I feel our entire world is going through a period of rebirth and it's painful.  So many things are going on that no longer feel like happenstance. They aren't coincidences and personally I am struggling with so many things that we have been "taught" over time. Slowly but surely, I am coming to feel that far too many things that seemed like national or global tragedies or crisis's were far more likely planned and executed.  So many things have been hidden and glossed over.  We've been told so many stories and lies.  

The more time I spend disconnected and not participating in the media and the social constructs we've all been programmed to accept, the more I feel I see it clearly for what it is.  We can't be here simply to work, sleep and do it all over again.  We are meant for far greater things, to experience life, to be connected to not only the earth but to one another, I do not believe we were ever meant to be so disconnected from each other or our beautiful planet.

Most of us are working strictly to benefit some major corporation or company.  We aren't truly benefitting from any of it. Even those of us that are blessed to work for ourselves end up giving more of what we earn to someone further up the food chain. When we demand higher wages, they simply raise the cost of everything so that we are no further ahead than when we began. Doesn't it strike anyone odd that there was a time a house payment was about $100 a month and people struggled to pay it?  A loaf of bread was a nickle?  And let's not even go into how much a gallon of gas was. I used to own a classic car, she was a beautiful 1963 Mercury Comet, I was the second owner.  I had her original bill of sale, fully loaded with the custom wheels, she was less than $2500.  Can you imagine buying a brand new car for that amount?  Today you'd be lucky if all the parts were included and it ran for that amount. 

Here's the thing slowly but surely wages have risen, in lockstep so have the costs.  While the margin of wealth of the average individual has shrunk.  If they raise the cost of your home, your vehicle etc it isn't because it is something of higher value, nothing has changed much in the value, but because someone needs to make a greater profit off of you the individual they raise the value and then raise the tax amount and interest that you have to pay to own those things. 

We want to believe that we are simply paying a small portion of our income in taxes, when the reality is it is far greater and we are actually only getting a small portion of our wages to do with as we please. It's a giant shell game and we are all the suckers trying to guess where the ball is. 

Someone posed a question the other day about property taxes and personal property taxes.  I've always been very opposed to them and struggle hard to process my thoughts around it.  When reading comments, someone had said... don't you find it odd that you pay sales tax when you buy it, you make monthly payments - if you couldn't buy it outright - and then every year you are paying a tax just to have your own property. Add in to that the taxes that you pay on gas.  I mean, seriously?  As I processed all of that I felt even more disgust at the situation. It's bad enough that every year just in time for Christmas in our state you get a nice hefty bill due by the 31st of December.  It's on any vehicle you owned on January 1 of that year.  And you pay the full year on every vehicle.  Hubs and I lost one and sold one last year in July, yet we still had the awesome opportunity to pay for a full year of personal property taxes on both of them. Talk about rubbing salt into a wound. 

Our Mayor is pushing for people to vote next month for Prop U.  It's to charge additional taxes on your online purchases.  Because people are shopping more online than they are shopping locally.  So they want a piece of that in addition to what you are already paying in taxes for state taxes, and oh yeah the country wants to pass one too. As I listened to him trying to explain the good the money would do for our community, how it would allow us to once again go back to not paying the $6 per month we pay for trash I started to really consider what he was saying. 

In exchange for increasing the cost of every item I buy online, I will save $6 a month.  So that they can have more cash available to pay for city workers salaries (they need to offer higher salaries), healthcare (they don't want to make them pay higher premiums) , etc in addition to allowing everyone in the city to stop paying their $6 a month for trash. And if there is anything left over maybe do some nice things for the city. So wait, you are buying a new city hall and decided that instead of just using the building as is you are now going to do some major renovations because you like nice things, but you are financing that on the backs of the community. 

Lets not forget that when people shop online they are not being fair to the local businesses.  Huh?  Is it possible that people shop online because the local businesses aren't meeting their needs?  That they are nothing but big box companies that tell you what you get to choose from (only allowing you to trade in your tokens for things they deem of need or value), prohibiting you from purchasing things that would provide you better health (yes, I know that is the government), that raise their prices and provide less?  That make you wait in line for an extreme amount of time because they don't have enough employees yet there are always three or four standing around not helping and socializing. 

All of it is messed up.  Think about it from a non-influenced place. When you step away from the mass delusional hysteria that has swept the globe it's easy to see that you are simply being used to generate money.  Because somehow, at some point money became far more important than people, the earth, our spirits, our very lives. 

I don't know where this birthing process will lead.  I am praying that it leads us to a better place.  Where we learn our value and not the dollar amount assigned to us, like we are cattle for some wealthy persons benefit. 

In my personal utopia we are self-sufficient, we look out for one another without the all powerful folks interfering.  Where we stop being so self-righteous and judgmental of our fellow man.  Where the last thing we would ever do is intentionally hurt another for whatever reason, and immediately make amends when we do so unintentionally.  A world where we rally around to lift those up that need it. 

I am not here to simply work, work, work.  None of us are. We are also not here to be controlled.  We've been conditioned to believe that if we don't have gobs and gobs of rules and laws there will be anarchy, chaos and destruction. I am questioning that more and more as days go by. I am beginning to believe that all those rules and laws are to control us, to make us unable to defend, feed and nurture ourselves. To make us dependent little sheep. 

I'm not saying there shouldn't be laws against harming your fellow man. But how different might life be if we hadn't had some of our own moral compass stripped away over the years? Besides, what kind of benefit is it to not allow the sale of raw milk in some states, the inability to raise chickens, the use of natural medicines, etc... That is about control. 

Wow, as you can tell I am in a bit of a mood.  Don't know why?  I just feel like so many things are becoming clearer to me.  So much is making sense that didn't.  I'm not sure if it is a good feeling or a sense of angst and semi-hopelessness at situations that feel beyond control. Beyond the point of no return. 

what a goofy way to enjoy their antlers...

Instead of stressing out about things that at this moment in time I cannot change, I think I am going to focus on sending healing love and light to my great nephew and go work on projects that I can impact while I spend a few moments extra enjoying my babies. It's a time of great changes, it's a time of seeing things with clear vision, it's a time of holding your own value and not letting anyone lessen it. 

love and peace... 

weary...

An early morning walk has Pups and Hubs all tucked in for a mid-morning nap.  I am seriously debating on joining the party.  It sure seemed like a crazy short night.  Truth is I am going to sit here and enjoy the quiet for a bit, do a few chores and do some knitting.  I plan to get a few more walks in with these sweet babies, I am determined to be successful with potty training and training in general.   Other than that, it feels like it is going to be a lazy day.  I'm good with that. 

I wonder if the weariness is truly a lack of sleep or something deeper.  I am deliberately keeping myself out of the fray that is the world right now, I don't have the time or energy to participate in the insanity that is swirling around. But even keeping myself out of it, doesn't mean that I am not aware of it, nor does it mean that it doesn't impact me on different levels.  

I can't help but hear my own words that I typed in March of 2020, when I said that we would never go back to the way it was.  I don't believe we can, nor do I believe we should. So much has changed.  People have changed on a level that is deep, sadly not all the changes have been for the good.  Too many people are just plain ugly to one another now.  Each time I go out into the public forum, I find myself disliking it more and more, I find myself longing for wide open spaces and time with my own tribe.  People that I can have deep, probing conversations with.  The ones that I can bounce all the insanity of the world off of and sift through this craziness that is in ever breath of air we are taking.  To question right, wrongs, meanings, hopes and dreams. 

My dear friend came over yesterday and even though we spent almost five hours together it felt like time simply flew past and was only moments long.  We talked about so many things and both wondered about where things are going and if any sense of normal would ever return. I then got to go on a long errand with my girl and we had similar conversations again delving deep into why people are the way they are and how they treat one another the way they do.  How selecting a place to live and a life that is fulfilling and rich is so very difficult.  You never know what kind of an environment you are unintentionally walking into and the impact it will have on you. 

I am celebrating the truckers in Canada right now, they feel strongly about an issue and they are peacefully doing something about it.  I agree with them.  I am loving even more watching so many rally behind them, supporting, cheering and encouraging.  I wonder often what it will take to heal the damage that has been and is still being inflicted on us.  

It's happening everyday, I'm weary of it.  I'm tired of all of the divisiveness.  I'm tired of rules for thee and rules for me.  I'm tired of the absolute insanity and almost brain-washing methods being used.  I'm tired of people being driven to the point of no return.  I just heard of a young father choosing to end his own life.  I knew him.  I'm sad for his children. I wonder what was the breaking point, that point of no return? How many others are in that same boat?

I watched a bit of a video series yesterday that had me shaking my head in complete disbelief.  It was blatant in it's messaging and attempt to control thoughts and emotions.  So much of that is happening now. 

It's odd, as I have been writing this out, pulling these feelings out of my head and laying them down, my sleepy exhaustion is lifting.  I am feeling more energetic and alive.  When I pulled my card today, asking what I needed to know as I went into this day the one I pulled was Patience the irony was not lost on me. I am struggling to have patience.  I'm struggling to understand were humanity has been lead and how they are processing things at this point. I'm struggling to sit quietly on the sidelines and observe. 

Yet, her I am still sitting here watching it all play out, holding thoughts and prayers that in the end we will all come together.  That there will be opportunities for us to form strong communities, to lift one another up in a condemnation free way, that we will stop creating silos and stuffing people into them, like the sorting games we are taught as children.  Some day I firmly believe that we will undo the damage that has been beaten into us and be the kind, loving, compassionate people we were born to be.  Sadly, I also firmly believe that there will be more hatred, pain and loss before we get there. 

Wow, this definitely came out of no where.  I was simply going to blather on about puppies and hobbies, my heart led this another direction.  

Well... I think I will go and enjoy some peace, have a cup of tea and listen to a few podcasts while knitting.  I will let this day unfold around me with grace and joy. 

love and peace...