processing....

I've started this one a few dozen times, maybe more.  The past few weeks have been filled with so much trauma.  Globally, nationally, locally, in my immediate circle.  I am finding myself pulling back, deeper and deeper into my own personal bubble.  I don't know that I know how to process everything I am watching happen.  I don't know that I know how to participate in a world that is so filled with hate and ugly, so full of desperation and anger.  The sense of loss is intense, it's everywhere.  Not all of it is human lives - although that number is far too high and rising rapidly.  

I've had a bit of a head cold for the past week.  Which has left me far too much time to absorb everything around me.  I'm still fighting it, and I definitely shared it with Hubs, I mean misery loves company right?  I've been intentionally blocking things at this point. Pushing myself to stop lying around and feeling miserable.  Making myself be useful, I can be just as stuffy and weary while working as I can laying around.  And when busy, I have less of a temptation to explore the darkness that is swirling. 

As I was making a jar of honey, cloves and garlic for my sister this morning, I had time to think.  In the silence rolling the garlic cloves to remove the skin, it felt like therapy. It gave me time to focus on things that I need to process, things I need to see my way to the other side of.  

Is anyone else feeling that the world around us is dark?  Filled with a density that feels off?  Where people are struggling, lost, unable to find their way?  There are deaths that are beyond tragic everywhere.  I'm not going to play the "whatabout" games that I see swirling.  No murders are okay.  A loss due to suicide is heart wrenching.  I mean I am the person that says a prayer for every animal I see that is dead on the side of the road, so that should help you understand where my spirit is. 

But it isn't even just deaths.  It's the reactions.  Three young people in two weeks have ended their own lives publicly here in our local area.  What in the world is going on?  When did we all stop valuing life?  Not just life the same as ours, not just live that agreed with us, or looked or prayed or... you get the point right?  The young people seem jaded to it.  The old seem weary.  

Personally, at least for now, I am having to pull into myself.  I need to work through the darkness.  And it isn't even just about death.  It's how ugly people are becoming to one another.  

Maybe I am a bit of a hippy, I don't know.  If you are a good, kind, loving person you are my tribe.  You are the ones I want to be around, that I want to experience life with.  If you are dark, hateful, malicious... well I'm definitely not sticking around.  I won't hate you, I won't do things that could harm you in any way, but I will definitely put distance between us. I want us all to live and let live.  I want for all of us to lift the energy, the passion for life, the goodness.  I don't understand the struggles. I am telling anyone what is acceptable, I am simply defining my acceptable. 

I know I'm not a "normal" person in today's world.  I understand that I am different.  I'm starting to question if the world might need more odd balls like me.  I am not trying to win any popularity contests, I don't really care about most of the things that matter so much to folks these days.  Come to my house and you are probably going to be a bit stunned.  I'll fix you a cup of tea, coffee, ice water - you name it - might be a bit lean on alcohol, but hey, we'll manage.  And then we can chat, we can explore tons of topics or ideas.  Just brace yourself. 

It's not pristine clean, it's healthy.  And possibly a bit chaotic for those that thrive on order and perfection.

My kitchen island is where I do a lot of my daily work.  There you will find an assortment of jars.  Some with healing mixtures, a tincture here or there.  Home made dog treats abound. Of course there will be the odds and ends of my freeze drying adventures, the samples waiting to be snacked on or used up. 

On the kitchen table (the one we never eat at) you will find an assortment of plastic plates with my chicken scratch on them telling you what seed is drying where. Currently they are all flowers, I might have developed a mild obsession.  The purple hulled peas finally finished drying and were put in storage jars today, so that space is clear for the next project. 

The freeze dryer is running and I filled trays of freshly harvested produce ready for the next batch.  I'm having to work quickly to be able to preserve the goodness before the season is over.  I want to be sure that my trips to a grocery store are few and far between.  I've become a bit radical about watching the chemicals that we consume, place on our skin or feed the pups. I try to control as much of it as I possibly can I'm tired of being a test subject for companies to make millions off of. 

My spare time is usually spent doing research on a myriad of topics that are no longer taught.  I refuse to throw in the towel and conform to this sterile and controlled world we seem to be evolving into. Learning about things that are important, yet hard to find information on is inspiring and educational. 

For example, Hubs had an appointment with his doc this week, he was curious to see her take on his thyroid.  A month ago, it was as swollen and painful as ever, the medication didn't seem to be helping at all.  I did a ton of research and asked him to trust my crazy.  He did.  For three weeks he's been applying the cream to his neck.  Doesn't seem like a long time does it?  Surprisingly, it's enough time that there has been dramatic shrinkage, to the point his doc took notice.  To the point that after many years of medication, it's possible that he will have it reduced at the next visit in eight short weeks. Sometimes the old ways are still the best.

I crave learning things that we are being asked or guided to forget.  Primarily because there is no profit to it (FYI - every time I see the word profit - my brain shows me a snippet of one of the Star Trek series - I don't remember the characters names - just the green skin and the huge ears - talking about how worthless something was because of the lack of profit - weird).

I will spend hours lost in those crazy, places.  They used to be lonely.  They used to be places where only those of us that are different spent time. Those of us that have never really fit in could spend hours there unnoticed.  Now they are brimming with brilliant people that are blowing the dust off of old texts and digging into the mysteries of the past, questioning and searching for actual answers.  Striving to be more connected to their own lives. It's fun and exciting to explore and learn.

I know I am avoiding the world for the most part, I hate it.  I want to be a part of it, I want to contribute to it's healing, I just don't think we're at the healing stage right now.  For now, I'm staying in my bubble.  I'll create, learn, expand my knowledge base and wait. The past is full of answers to move forward into the future with, if we look. 

Someday, we might just get to that healing point.  To a place where the different ones like me, have things to share with those that are searching.  I'll keep looking for the rest of my tribe and being generous with the ones I find.  Until then...

I unearthed a sweater that I started almost 4 years ago and it is my current project that I focused on completing. 

when you play so hard,
 you fall fast asleep

Don't mind me, I'm over here praying (as is my belief) and doing whatever I can to make this world a softer, kinder more loving place to be.... 

talk to you later... 

stay faithful...

b

my brother's keeper...

I've been sitting here in the silence for a few hours now.  Did my usual daily stuff and then decided to simply drink my water and play a silly game on my phone. Hubs had to head to work super early, he was helping some of his team with a project before his early morning meeting. A day in the life... right?   

I started to head up to my sewing studio when he left, goodness knows I have plenty of work to do myself.  Instead I took a bit of time, time to savor my cup of "coffee" (it's mushroom, but I still call it coffee) and be still.  I'd woken up and spent some time in prayer, and shortly after had felt this huge sense of foreboding or gloom. It felt heavy and dark.  To shake it off, I played with my pups for a moment and got cleaned up to start the day.  The mood is still lingering at the edges of my spirit, nagging at me. 

I'm sure a bit of it is melancholy, so many folks are sick or passing away it seems surreal.  Heck it is surreal.  A good friend of Hubs passed away about two weeks ago, one of the last messages he posted on Facebook was telling everyone how much he loved them, it was absolutely beautiful and keeps bouncing into my thoughts.

It feels like every day we are finding out that another friend or family member has a medical issue or battle they are fighting with their health.  And it isn't just health.  Folks are struggling hard with basic life.  I feel anger rolling off of folks and not for things that should matter.  For those little things, the minutia in life.  And it scares me to think that people are losing the basic skills for being human. 

Just be silent and watch.  Folks are full of rage, they are becoming more and more aggressive and lost.  Basically mean to one another simply for the sake of being mean.  I don't know if it is a reaction to feeling like you are completely unable to control anything or feeling overwhelmed by it all. It just feels like watching the world becoming 100% self-absorbed.  The causes and issues that matter to each person are literally the only causes and issues that matter.  

I cannot be the only person questioning where empathy and compassion have gone.  Just because you don't agree with someone, or you don't have the same issues affecting your life doesn't mean that you can't feel and understand another person's struggles or battles.  What in the world is going on?

From neighbor to neighbor on the minor scale, to global issues that are literally mind boggling.  Where is the compassion?  Where is the understanding, heck I'd settle for an attempt at understanding and trying to find the middle ground.

Trust me I am not perfect.  Not by a very long shot, as I was telling a lady yesterday most people like my Hubs far more than they like me.  I am not the easiest person to get to know and once you have I readily admit that I am not the greatest person to have as a friend.  I like being alone, I get wrapped up in my own world and life and forget that there are people waiting for responses from me or that I forget to check in on. It isn't that I don't care, it's that I am easily distracted and rarely remember to return to the place I was mentally and sometimes physically. 

Yet as my day was starting like a shotgun blast, I paused for a moment after putting eggs on to boil and  listened while Hubs updated me on yet another person having a medical emergency, someone important to him.  As I ran upstairs to ask him a question about his breakfast, I overheard him on the phone with another friend, asking that friend to please join him at the hospital later that day to pray over their friend, to offer healing and grace all before 615 in the morning.  I was so thankful for the Godly man I am married to, because his first thought wasn't about the impact to him personally, it was about how to intercede for another human. 

Such a switch from another scenario I know of.  Where another human is struggling with some major life and health changes, trying to work through those bits and pieces of their puzzle, trying to process and put things back in an order that works.  Instead of the grief they are dealing with from a self-centered jerk of a boss.  Instead of sticking out a hand of support, of human kindness and respect, that person evidently delights in kicking someone that is down and making things harder. Why do people have to be that way?  Does it make them feel powerful?  In my opinion it makes them small and petty.

It isn't even just about health issues.  People are being so unforgiving and refusing to show mercy or grace to anyone.  I don't know about you, but I don't know any perfect people.  I know a bunch of seriously flawed people all trying to live a good life and doing the best they know how.  I'm kind of tired of people being so wrapped up in their own issues that they feel it makes it okay to trample on others feelings and hearts.  I sure see of a lot of that anymore.  I'm tired of watching the "ouch you hurt my feelings and that is all that matters, now you get to pay for that for the rest of your life" show.  It's old and childish.

I'm weary of it. Very weary.  How about instead of thinking we are the center of the universe, we step outside ourselves.  Instead of shutting out people that we perceive to have slighted or harmed us, we talk to them.  It's amazing what we find out and heal when we are willing to admit that maybe we aren't always right.  Instead folks simply just mock, ridicule, belittle or take pot shots.  The art of talking it out, of seeing both sides of things and realizing that your point of view on life isn't wrong, it's different.  And that is really okay, we don't have to agree about everything, we don't have to see eye to eye.  We simply need to step into the world filled with love and compassion.  Acceptance.  We also do not need for force everyone to see things our way or not at all. Again acceptance.  I can love you and not agree with you.  It isn't mine to sort out. 

Our differences are not greater than our ability to love, our ability to lift one another up and meet each other where we need to be met.  

Can you imagine the power of humanity if we could simply love?  

I'm not seeing that sadly.  I'm seeing a battle of good vs. evil on a very spiritual level and frankly I feel like we are going through a very dark period.  Thankfully, I know that God and good win, I know in my heart that this is for a very short season in a very massive expanse of time. 

If you are a praying person, please pray it up for humanity.  If you have a different belief, then I ask however you honor that sentiment, will you please do so.  And then I ask you to look around, take a seriously deep breath and ask yourself how can I make a positive difference today?  It might be something as small as picking up a piece of litter on the ground, it might be inadvertently doing something kind that changes another persons entire will to live - without you ever knowing it.  

Yes we are our brother's keepers.  And as someone with 3 younger sisters, I know that there are many times we have not seen eye to eye, we have not and will not ever agree on everything, but I also know that all any of us needs to do is reach out to one another and we will circle the wagons and protect against all comers. Shouldn't we be willing to do that for everyone?  

Ironically, I'm feeling that darkness at the edges dim.  I guess I needed to write this blog, even though few read it, maybe it makes a difference somewhere, somehow.  

Pray up folks.  This battle that is raging is getting more intense daily. 

love and prayers... b

pondering the 3 D's...

It's bitter cold outside, the slight snow/sleet has stopped falling.  The cold remains. I'm sitting here enjoying the remaining fire that my sweet Hubs built to warm my toes and fill my heart.  Listening to Pastor Bob Joyce's latest CD, he's eerily reminiscent of Elvis when he sang his beautiful gospel music.  Again, warming my heart. 

I've been spending a lot of time in prayer and learning the Bible.  It brings me so much peace.  We are in some very strange times and when you step back they echo much that is in the Bible, maybe not identical, yet the same none the less.  An example is the "food shortages", I do not believe for one moment this is any more real than any of the other shortages.  It is not natural.  It's man made, it's designed to control. 

If I spend too much time in the world, I feel anxiety and stress.  When I stop and refuse to listen to all of the external voices I can focus on those small inner voices.  The ones that have never lied to me, that have never led me in the wrong direction.  I know that is the voice I need to zero in on.  It doesn't matter if I am in prayer or meditation, what matters is that I hear the voice that is gently guiding me.  

So many are struggling in these days.  The external noise is loud.  Its confusing and unsettling.  I feel in my soul it has been designed that way.  One of the pastor's I listen to regularly always says that she was brought up to always be aware of the 3 d's - deceive, distract and destroy as those are the tools of Satan and his followers. 

That simple statement really resonates with me.  It is what I see all around me.  Everywhere you look it feels like we are being lied to, how many times does a lie have to be repeated for it to be accepted as the truth?  How much of our news, media, entertainment is strictly to distract us?  Anyone else find it odd that just as scandal regarding politicians and classified documents starts to come to light Antifa starts to raise it's head again, oh yeah and the immediately afterwards the body cams of a of former speaker of the house's husband get released? All in less than a week? Talk about distractions... 

Destroy, well that one definitely doesn't need to be highlighted at all now does it?  Given that we have been living in times of destruction for several years now.  Everywhere one turns there is an example of physical, mental, financial or emotional destruction.

Yet as I bow my head, as I listen to the word, I feel peace.  I know that I am not truly a part of that world and I am good with it. 

I've never felt I belong in this world.  I've always felt like an outsider.  As if the person I am has been inserted in the wrong time or place.  I've had moments of fear, frustration and sadness as I have tried to fit in.  The older I have grown the more comfortable I have become in not fitting in.  I don't want to.  Even more so in the last few years.  I've watch sadly on the sidelines as so much deception, distraction and destruction has happened.  I feel deeply in my heart for those that are willing to look at what they can clearly see with their own eyes and still not see it for what it is.   I can't change it.  I can only pray. 

People are changing, the anger and callousness towards one another is growing.  Just when it feels hopeless a good thing happens, anyone see the story of the beloved pet sent to a shelter because the family couldn't take care of it?  The shelter not only reunited them, but is helping them.  We all have the ability to do that.  To step into the void and provide assistance.  

Sadly, there are many that are still focusing on the division that has been created and not on the solution.  I read a tweet the other day from a prominent influencer, questioning why the unvaxed didn't share with those that got vaxed why they were not participating.  At first I was so disheartened, why blame those that stood strong in the face of too many unknowns? Upon processing a bit further, it felt more like that was part of the process of healing.  Grief, disbelief, anger... those are the first few steps... there are still three more to go.  

Our entire world is going through those five steps: grief, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in the face of so many things.  We are all at different levels of the process. I find myself bouncing in a few areas at different times regarding much of what the past few years have presented to us. 

Today, I find myself very firmly in a state of hope, praise and celebration of the good that is to come.  I am choosing to see with my heart and not with my eyes.  This world is full of joyous news and events.  There are miracles happening every single day.  We just have to be strong enough to see with our hearts, I know I've mentioned a mustard seed in the past, and not with our eyes and ears. 

I'm trying very hard to stay clear of those three D's.  I'm trying to focus on the good that surrounds me, the good I can do in this unkind stage of our world, and lifting all of us in prayer. 

Well, my wonderful music has ended, my coffee is cold and my fire is smoldering embers... I guess it's time to get going.  I have chores that need tending to and tasks that I am setting for myself that need attention.  While I know that everything is well in hand, I also know that I am part of the solution and cannot sit on the sidelines.

love and prayers... 

ps... watch out for those 3 D's... far more dangerous than we believe... 

I gotta keep going...

When times seem harder than one can imagine, when things seem dark and bleak, how do you respond?  I bow my head.  This morning, I bowed my head, I turned my heart to God and Jesus and I prayed.  So much seems chaotic and unbelievable.  I am deeply saddened by what is happening in our country, our elections were, heck still are, a hot happening mess.  There is no reason that we had the challenges that were rampant all over the place yesterday.  I feel blessed to live in a little bubble that had a smooth voting experience.  

Everyone and everything I voted for did not pass, and for that I am actually glad.  I truly do not believe that every voice speaking should be saying the same thing.  Then you don't have a discussion, you have an echo chamber. Folks were friendly and supportive as the steady stream of people came and went.  So I admit that some of what I watched happening around the country made me sick.  Machines not working, polls not opening on time, no paper for machines, and worse.  I was already ill to hear we cannot count them all in one day. Not only can we, but we should.  It only blurs the perception of a fair and honest election.  Particularly when the entire democratic party was saying in lock step non-stop for the weeks leading up to the election that with modern technology we could not expect the same efficiency as we used to have with same day, paper ballot voting that worked for over 200 years. 

It calls so much into question, it makes me so sad for where we are. I felt a bit defeated this morning, my hopes and prayers for an honest, transparent election where all voices that chose to speak were included felt dashed to the ground.  I struggled for a few moments.  It wasn't about the outcome, as much as the process.  Of course I had high hopes for our country, very high hopes - I mean we used to be the shining example of what was right in the world.  

Honestly there was a time in history when if we'd have witnessed the same events in another country of equal size and stature we would have been on the side questioning the entire process.  But we have been gradually conditioned to accept a lower and lower standard. 

Last night several states passed amendments that allow abortion up until birth.  As a mother, I cannot even fathom the person that could do that.  I cannot process it on a level that is beyond comprehension.  In fact there was much that I do not even begin to understand.  

I can't do anything more than I have done.  I got up, got dressed, stood in line and made my mark.  I prayed and now all I can do is release it all to God. 

Do I still believe there is absolute evil in this world.  Yes, I do.  Unapologetically so. I believe very strongly that Satan is working hard to destroy the good, to create something that is the equivalent of hell on earth.  

But God. 

There are many Bible verses that apply in that statement.  But God. It doesn't need supporting documentation, and if you feel you do, I suggest breaking out your Bible and getting lost in his word.  

But God.  

My faith and prayers are calming me.  I was listening to a song this morning, that filled my soul to over flowing.  I am not going to question God, there is a reason for all things.  I am going to stay focused on the good that is around me in abundance.  My loved ones, the fact that while the world is not perfect it is filled with beauty and love.  And I am going to continue to have faith that God is in complete control and that he is not going to turn his back on us, as long as we open our hearts and welcome him in with arms wide open.  

So like that song said... "I Gotta Keep Going"... I hope you will approach everyone with kindness and love in your heart.  It's harvest time and we need to be our brother's keeper.  I am going to do as much good in this world as I can... will you?  

under the stars...

 The night sounds are so beautiful.  If Hubs was home I'd probably have him build us a small fire to sit beside and enjoy the beauty that surrounds us.  As he is still visiting his Sis, I am going to simply sit out here under the stars surrounded by the soft lights and enjoy the peacefulness.  I finished my sweater just in time, as I'm sitting here wrapped up in it's warmth, it's been a rather cool and breezy day.  A harbinger of the coming autumn season.  We are still a few weeks away and if it's anything like a normal year we will have balmy warm days through October and early November.  

But tonight is cool, almost cold, sitting here under the blanket of stars. The puppies are getting their final romp of the night, hopefully wearing themselves out so they will sleep.  Tomorrow will find Hubs back home and another week beginning.  

I feel like we are on the edge of something more powerful than any of us have ever imagined.  I don't know what it is, but there is an edginess to the world, to nature, to the energy around us.  I am praying that it will finally be the beginning of light and love, we've had so much sadness.  So much anger and confusion.  I am praying so much lately, almost pleading with God to hear the prayers of the weary.  

I have dear friends that live in Europe, I have family in states that are struggling, I pray daily that they are safe, healthy and protected.  I worry about the things I hear on the news, will the people of Europe truly suffer what keeps coming up?  What about California?  

I try not to dwell on these things.  It's one of the reasons I am being so quiet lately.  I don't have the energy left to wonder and dwell.  Instead, I am focused on leaving it all in God's hands and doing the things that bring me comfort and peace. 

A friend reached out the other day asking if I could donate to a silent auction they are having in her community.  I paused for a moment, I needed more information.  I'm still pondering what my donation will be, do I truly have anything of value that will help?  When she told me the theme of the event, my decision was made.  How could I not support "A Journey of Hope".  

In my former life we used to do an ice breaker at our meetings, one of the things to do was to say which one of the core values we most identified with... I always chose hopeful. I am not so sure that I am a pure optimist, I often find myself working through feelings of defeat and loss, but I am forever hopeful that pure goodness will ultimately rule the day.  I am forever hopeful of a bright future. 

She had me at hope. 

I will start to plan my donation tomorrow, I might even deliver it when I head to the Amish market on Friday.  She doesn't need it right away, but I know the longer I ponder it, the less sure I will be of my choices. It's best to simply dive in. 

Sitting out here in the garden, surrounded by stars and the calming sounds of the night, I feel a strong sense of hope.  Yep, I do wear those rose colored glasses well.  I simply cannot accept that this hurting, divided, injured world is going to stay the way it is.  We are not meant to hate, to fear, to doubt.  We are meant to love, to lift up, to give, to hope.  

Hmmmm... Almost sounds like I've been drinking a bit too much wine doesn't it?  Ironically, it's just Earl Gray tea with a couple of sugar-free peanut butter cookies.  I can't be the only person that feels hopeful.  At least I pray that I am not. 

To me being hopeful doesn't mean I am sitting around doing nothing.  That I am just going to pray and wait for a good outcome.  I happen to be a person that believes the Lord is asking us to roll up our sleeves and do the work he is asking us to do.  

I feel strongly that I need to keep taking good care of my family.  Right now the only part of my family that needs me to be there full time are the puppies and my sweet Hubs.  I've raised strong children that are busy living their best lives.  I take my role seriously.  

As I worked today on putting up things for winter I felt a calmness in my soul.  I love that I can spend a few hours and provide the freshness of summer all winter long.  My beautiful garden is still covered with a harvest not gathered yet.  While stirring the batch of apple butter and peeling the acorn squash to be canned now and roasted later, I was plotting what I will do with this incredible bounty of peppers that I am surrounded with.  

Some I will dry and grind, those Hot Pinata Peppers, look to be powerful in the tiny, tight, gnarled spears. I didn't buy those seeds, they came in one of my orders as a thank you.  I have no idea how spicy they are, all I know is they look fierce. The sweet peppers will probably end up eaten by Hubs and those not eaten will end up in a stuffed pepper soup.  

There are still tomatoes and okra that I harvest almost daily, the same with the green beans.  I canned the last batch of green beans, but Hubs couldn't wait and made them for dinner the next night.  I have to admit, I was fairly pleased with them.  It's the first time I've ever had a good harvest of beans.  It's hard to have a great bountiful garden when you grow it in pots on your deck. 

Tomorrow morning my friend will drop off some soups for me to process for them.  I have so many people that I am able to lean into and I love that they lean into me also.  In my perfect world, we aren't keeping score, we are working seamlessly together.  Each of us lifting the other in some way. They are always there when I need them, I am thankful to be able to be there for them also.  

I've enjoyed my quiet days, the television hasn't come on, the silence has been a balm to my weary soul.  I've played with my puppies, I've chatted with friends, I have barely left the house or even put shoes on (I love to walk barefoot outside - drives Hubs a bit nutty), I have puttered, I have worked, I have prayed and I have laughed.  But it's time for Hubs to come home.  We are a pair and it feels odd and empty to not have him here.  I'm still going to treasure the silence, but I will welcome the comfort that comes from hearing the television and his music wafting through the house. 

I thought that maybe there was no moon above tonight, but looking to the east I see it is starting to peek through the trees, I can't see enough of it to know what phase its' in, but it is bright through the branches. I don't think it is full, but it's close.  

Do you feel the energy changing?  Are you seeing a glass half full or half empty?  We are heading into a powerful time, are you ready?  Am I?

love and prayers... 

blessings for all?

I'm definitely off to a slow start this morning.  I've almost finished off my super cold coffee at this point and I was sitting here browsing the book, something mindless before I dove into the day.  My niece shared a post that I found super powerful, mainly because it seriously aligns with my own thoughts and beliefs. 

I know that I have written before about filling barren empty public spaces with gardens to meet the needs of all of us.  I can tell you, if my community would give me a huge space to grow a garden that would feed anyone that needed it, I would totally be building a community of gardeners to help me turn it into a powerhouse space. 

I loathe going through areas filled with broken, desolate, barren spaces.  Especially when I know so many people basically live in food deserts.  Even in affluent neighborhoods there is hunger.  There is also a critical shortage of healthy food available to people at a reasonable price.  It is far less expensive to buy junk filled with chemicals and questionable ingredients than it is buy fruits, vegetables and herbs.  

For a very long time I have questioned the reason that we no longer have large gardens, or even garden spaces like are abundantly found in Europe.  Children are completely disconnected from their food sources, often believing that the only place to get something to eat is a grocery store or fast food restaurant.  They don't know the joy of growing their own beans, picking a piece of fruit from a tree, or eating something fresh from a field. 

This is a powerful statement!

All of our food has become so commercialized that far too many believe the food from the grocery is nourishment.  Failing to know that all of the processing, chemicals and treatments are taking all of the nutrition away from that very food.  Making it easy, has definitely made it bland and unhealthy. 

Doubt that?  Go pick your own berries, fresh.  Not only do they taste better, because you've picked them ripe and fresh.  But you have far greater appreciation for them because you are the one that stood under the blazing sun, carefully harvesting the ones that were ripe at the moment you picked them. 

low sugar blueberry jelly - from the berries

Can you imagine the difference it would make to people's health, physical and mental if there were large community gardens.  Where there was no fee to have a basket of fresh, healthy food?  What if we taught seed saving, or growing from the part that you would have thrown out?  Or maybe how to root a sucker branch from a tomato plant?  There is no cost involved in that.  And then think about the ability to learn to can and put that food away.  

do you see all those buds...
new jalapeno's will be ready to harvest
soon. 

I get a bit passionate about this.  Because the truth is, I firmly do not believe there is any reason under the sun for hunger in this country, or any country for that matter.  I believe it is simply a form of control.  

Can you imagine if a community was allowed, ah... there is the rub... to use all common space for gardens?  All that food, with large, vast swatches of vibrant pollinators spread all around.  Sure there would be an abundance of things like zucchini, isn't there always?  But if you can grow zucchini you can make soups, breads (did you know you can dehydrate it and grind it and add it to flour to extend the amount and nutrients of flour?), you can make jams, and salsas.  Some folks have pickled it, or fried it, you can saute' it... I mean the possibilities are almost as abundant as the zucchini's it produces. 

hopefully these pear scraps will soon
be vinegar.

But... imagine the health that is gained by working in that garden.  Imagine the strength of our bodies from bending, lifting, working the soil or harvesting the plants.  Imagine the pride that comes from putting a meal on the table that your labor helped produce.  It improves your mental health as well, and I have mentioned that before. 

these corn cobs became not only jars
of healthy corn, but also jars of yummy jelly
waste not, want not... 

As we are dealing with these increasing prices on everything and I have decided to stop purchasing food that is heavily chemicalized (yep... I know not a word, maybe it should be) as I work on my cantry, I am learning so very much.  I am also questioning more. Did you know that back around the time of WWI and WWII that our government encouraged using all of the public lands to create victory gardens, to feed the masses at home?  Did you know that they provided canners to people?  Because it allowed for everyone to eat and not put further burden on the "commercial" supplies.  

processed and ready to put in the cantry

Why on earth did that ever stop?  Right now we have farmers that are being incentivized to not plant their land, to not have their livestock, to not produce milk, and being penalized for doing so.  Why?  No one to buy it?  Hardly seems true when we have people that are going hungry. 

And it definitely should not be considered stealing. To pick from a community garden should be one of the biggest blessings there is. A living blessing box.  Do I know that people might abuse the process?  No, I don't. We can assume, because that is how we have been conditioned to think of people.  

I guess I have more faith in humanity.  Because I believe that while there might be some that initially appear to abuse the honor system, I want to believe that most would gladly trade their own skills to be able to have a healthy, sustainable supplement to their daily diets. 

Maybe not everyone could do the manual labor.  Health factors, age, caring for very small children, working a job that requires incredibly long hours... there are many reasons.  Maybe they are afraid they don't have the skills, maybe they are concerned that they have a "black thumb". I can't think of all of them, although I am sure those reasons are legion. 

I have faith.  I personally believe that people want to learn new skills.  They want to be responsible for their own health and well-being.  Maybe those that can't work the garden become the ones that shell the peas for the ones that gather them?  Or that do some of the cooking, preserving, distributing... oh the possibilities are endless. 

I loathe green, perfectly manicured yards.  You never see the butterflies fluttering through them, there are no firefly's blinking about in the early evening lighting the incoming darkness like stars here on earth.  So much of what we have been taught are falsehoods.  We don't need the poisons that we spread on the grass.  We don't need modified seeds that only grow when soaked in chemicals.  We don't need so much of what surrounds us. 

I am sure some of that has made farming easier.  I don't know, I'm not a farmer.  But at the same time, it has eliminated the family garden, the community gardens.  There are so few now providing for so many and all of it seems to be controlled by an even smaller number of people that are getting very wealthy.  

Imagine the global wealth and health that could happen if we all gave up a small bit of our fancy manicured yards and spent some time planting something to share.  Imagine the utopia that would be created.

The other day our friends had an abundance of lettuce.  It was pure joy to come home to a bag of fresh from the garden lettuce sitting on our door step.  My little garden doesn't produce an abundance, it's all in small containers, but I use all of it in ways to expand on what is there.  I will eventually have something to return to them as a blessing back. 

What if we were all able to do that? Can you envision it? I am definitely lost in this day dream.  Anyone want to do some guerrilla gardening? Find some vacant unloved lots and turn them into food paradises for any and everyone... If I had the money to buy a plot of land and do that... I completely would.  If you have the land and want to create that vision... I would be happy to help!

I'm not an expert at anything, but I am definitely willing to be part of a solution... 

It's time to get busy on my own little homestead.  The garden needs watered and there are still quite a few batches of current produced waiting to be canned.  Right now, my little fur balls (yes, I know they aren't technically physically little anymore, but they are babies still) are both wanting some of mommy's love and attention. 

love, peace and day dreams for a better tomorrow for all... 

where does it stop?

I have a very needy puppy in my lap, so this might take awhile. I'm not thinking he wants me to write at all, as he climbed up here and considered chewing on my screen.  There truly isn't anything quite like puppy love.  Belle was in my lap earlier and just snuggled up and cuddled.  For her that is unusual, she struggles to stay that still.  But she is the puppy that stays up at night until mom comes to bed, Beau goes to bed the minute he is tired. They are such a blessing. 

I managed to get all the curtains up to darken the east side of the house yesterday.  The only room that doesn't have darkening curtains is the laundry room and I am considering putting them in that one too. I was able to raise the air conditioner temp and still keep the house comfortable. I got curtains for the west facing windows that I will put up today. 

I got up early and got all of the outside work completed, at least for now.  After a bit I will go out and water the garden again, the heat is horrible and the garden boxes don't hold a lot of moisture, they are too shallow. I harvested what is probably the last of the peas, this heat is finally taking them out, maybe a day or two more at most.  The sprinkler is still running out front, as I forgot to water yesterday and my ferns were looking rough this morning. I might need to gather some of the grass clippings for mulch when Hubs mows again, especially if this is going to go on much longer. 

very few left... I'll plant more in the fall

pickle #2

Looks like summer is going to be a scorcher this year.  Figures.  Nothing seems to be easy right now.  And I do mean nothing. It is feeling like any and everything that will make life a better, is going to require some serious effort on our part. 

Hubs was feeling a touch under the weather yesterday so I went and did the errands.  The rising cost of everything definitely is encouraging me to spend time on my own inflation busting, i.e. canning up meals and produce while the prices are semi-reasonable. 

I will admit that I rarely go to Costco during the week, I am not a huge fan of going places period and I am usually very busy during the day. But with gas shooting up forty cents over the weekend, I knew I would be wise to fill up my gas tank before it went any higher.  It felt almost dirty to be excited over the $4.64 a gallon that I was able to get at Costco.  Regardless, it was over $36 to fill my half empty tank.  Talk about a state of shock.  The long lines in the brutal heat made me envision the pictures from the 70's.  A super sweet older lady pulled up next to me and asked where she could see the price, I told her I'd just looked on the app and it was $4.64 as opposed to the $4.89 everywhere else.  She was visibly shaken. Even though she smiled at me and thanked me, it looked like even that was simply too much as she drove away. 

Going into the store was even more of an eye opener.  One reason I don't go there often is that I do not do well with crowds and crowded spaces.  Absorbing the energy of so many people is harsh and makes me feel fussy and unbalanced.  Yesterday, that was not a problem.  I was able to easily get a spot near the front of the store, no need for parking at the back of the lot because that is all that is available.  The store was light on customers and even lighter on inventory.  I was shocked.  I've never seen it that empty.  I was remembering how the stores were back in March of 2020, when things were first starting to wobble into insanity. 

I didn't need much, which was good, because there wasn't much.  It was sort of frightening.  I've pretty much stopped going to the store closer to my house, too many times they are out of pretty much everything on my list.  Anyone else wondering how much worse it is going to get?  

I was watching a video while making applesauce yesterday and they were talking about the search for feminine hygiene products.  All I could think was well, maybe it is only in that area.  By the end of the day, I'd seen at least 6 other sources with many comments and concerns that feel far too reminiscent of the baby formula debacle.  So I guess this is the next thing folks won't be able to get. 

I'm starting to wonder if folks will finally wake up and start questioning the bull crap when they have beer shortages?  I simply don't know how far this mess has to continue before we all start picking up our proverbial pitch forks and fighting back.  We've allowed our businesses to be regulated, mandated, taxed etc to the point that it is easier to give it up and walk away.  

We've allowed our government and the lobbyist to push us all into a corner.  The reason for the feminine hygiene shortage?  A cotton shortage.  I mean come on, we have or at least had some of the richest cotton farms in the world.  Have we plowed it all under and created condo's on the land?

I didn't get all of my errands run yesterday, I was far too hot and had chores to finish at home.  I need to go out and pick up a few bags of peat moss and such for my last raised bed.  I'm dreading it.  The bags of dirt and such for a garden have tripled in cost this year.  The same bag I paid $7 for last year, was over $25 this year at the same store.  I am getting ready to start my compost pile, I'm tired of paying a stupid amount of money for subpar fill dirt, when what I need is rich soil. 

I simply do not understand all of this.  I'm tired of reading of all these various food processing plants being burned to the ground.  Ironically, too many of the fires are starting on the roofs.  Really?  Why?  How?  Why isn't the media reporting on this strange phenomenon? 

Oh yeah... that's right.  The media isn't there to report on the truth, it doesn't care about reality, it isn't paid to do that.  George Carlin tried to warn us about that, quite some time ago. 

Today will be another busy one.  After I get the new curtains installed, I have a long list of things that are going in my canners.  I also want to start processing some of the things in my freezers, sadly I have zero faith that the power is not going to go out and/or be spotty.  They have already warned us it is coming, I figure they are simply waiting for everyone to be hot and miserable first. 

I've seen some crazy stuff in my life, but the past couple of years takes the cake.  The number of fearful people unwilling to look around and see what is happening is absolutely unnerving.... 

By the way... look who was back this
morning... yikes! I scared it while
cleaning up puppy poo... seems he lives
in the wood stack outside the back door. 

Well, it's time to go and move the sprinkler and then get busy. Please take care of yourselves and pay attention.  

love and peace...

some questions...

Good morning everyone!  I guess I needed that little break, a quick trip to Arkansas, finally meeting my youngest great nephew and spending time with most of the family felt refreshing and energizing. The little dude is awesome, God is working some serious miracles in that one.  And the lessons that we are all learning from him are true blessings!

I am 100% unpacked and cleaned up from the trip, camper is back in storage for a bit and even the laundry is done.  Today, life returns to "normal"... although I am not really sure what normal is in this day and age.  Maybe it is better to say life returns to my everyday routine. 

I was out in the treetop garden before the sun broke the horizon, taking full advantage of the fact that it was only in the 70's and humidity was fairly mild.  I got the garden weeded, watered and even did a bit of harvesting.  The peas are still fighting on, so each morning I harvest whatever bounty they give and pop them into the freezer. It's amazing how much changed in just 4 days.  My tomato plants are going crazy, although the squirrel managed to snatch the first Cherokee purple (I am not happy - at all) and he also killed the one I started from a sucker on another plant.  Guess he wasn't thrilled with the location?  Or he was taking full advantage of the puppies being out of town.  

I applied liberal coffee grounds this morning and will be putting out a dish of water for him today.  Most of the time when they are stealing tomatoes it isn't because they like tomatoes, it's because they are thirsty.  And with this heat we are having I can definitely believe that!

Everywhere I looked the garden is filled with life and growth.  I even have my first pickle!  The pepper plants are bursting with buds and tiny peppers, the jalapeno's are simply growing like crazy (this is fantastic and the dragon loves jalapeno jelly).  

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like my beautiful kale is going to survive the caterpillars and moths. It was flourishing when we left and now it's a bunch of stems.  I will see if I can revive it.  Today will involve doing some research into deterring and protecting my garden from little beasties.  

I'll be honest, I needed those few moments in the garden this morning.  My faith that life will endure is always renewed after a bit of time out there.  While I was in Arkansas I checked out my sister's garden.  I have to say, I am always a tad envious of her country paradise.  She has far better restraint than I do, I'm pretty sure my garden would have grow to fill all available land, whether I had time to work it or not.  Her's is great!  Everything is nicely spaced and growing so beautifully.  Her blueberry bush is what dreams are made of.  It's as large and luscious as the ones that we picked from in the pacific northwest. It's absolutely covered in large green berries.  Yep, super jealous of that one.  Also equally super happy for her.  

I even got to enjoy her little baby chickens.  The pups didn't know what to think about them.  Poor Belle was the most confused as she loves to chase birds, but those ones were quite a bit bigger than she expected.  Neither of my babies is cut out for country life.  They were terrified of the feral kittens, probably a good thing as their momma would have messed them up.  And big bad Beau was a wreck when my brother in law came out of the camper in the dark and ended up plastered to me, shaking like crazy.  They are big, but they are still babies.  Although that didn't stop Hubs and my brother in law from teasing him and giving him a new nickname. 

I'm holding tight to great things like this.  Because coming home was a pure eye opener.  When we left on Friday gas was stupid high at $4.49. I was unbelievably stunned when we hit small towns south of us where gas is usually lower and discovered that it was $4.69 down there. So you can imagine how sick I was to my stomach as we returned home on Monday to gas being $4.89.  Our trip south ran us just over $85 in gas, not terrible.  Trip home, same distance and mileage $128.  There is a reality check for you. 

I was hurrying to get my dishes washed and a load of laundry done before the higher energy usage costs of mid-day kicked in.  As Ameren keeps warning me it will all be more expensive now.  I will modify my daily plans to get things done during non-peak times and save those times for things that don't draw as much on the utilities. 

As much as I want to get busy with my canning chores, this morning I need to get into my sewing room.  I need to get the curtains shortened to put in the kitchen windows to block out the heat of the day.  Our deck takes a direct beating during the hottest part of the day, we used to have the gazebo that blocked out a sufficient amount of sunlight, with that gone, I need to get busy.  I'm pulling down all the blinds and closing all the shutters.  I will miss the sunlight, I will not miss the unbearable heat.  I loathe heat. I will remove the tie-backs from my drapes and move into dungeon world to avoid being overheated. 

I was browsing the book this morning and noticed multiple friends are starting to say the very things I have been thinking, feeling, and finally saying for a long time.  Questioning what the heck is going on.

While down in the country the radio station Hubs had on started the day with a farm report.  Did you know the beef industry in this country is booming (according to them) that we are exporting the largest amount of beef in our entire recorded history?  That we are sending the bulk of it to China to lift up their economy.  If that farm report was done in the exciting grab your attention manner that the daily news is, would more people realize what they are talking about?  Instead of the monotone, soft spoken announcer reading a running list of facts, luring everyone except farmers to sleep.

I'm very happy for the farmers that are making a profit, or at least I hope they are, these humans are keeping our country fed.  And I don't for a moment believe the farmers are the ones doing this.  I believe it is our government, ya know all those folks that are making an obscene amount of money on a public servants wage?

I have to say I was struggling with that news all day yesterday. It brought to mind a multitude of questions.  Starting with why do we appear to have a shortage in this country if we can export so much? Have you seen the prices on meat?  Steaks are unreal.  If we have so much that we can export the largest amount of all time, why are we being told at the grocery store that the reason the prices are so high is because there is a shortage of meat.... you know Covid, worker shortage at the processing plants, etc... 

Moving on to why are American's being encouraged to eat fake meat?  The standard talking point is that cows are bad for the environment, etc.  Now I completely agree that factory farms are bad for the environment, the cows and the consumer, but not all meat is from factory farms.  But it seems we have plenty of extra beef to send to other parts of the world, I guess it's only bad if it is for folks in this country?

I am definitely perplexed by what I am hearing, reading and seeing with my own two eyes. I also have read in multiple places now that Smithfield is closing their western US processing plants.  They are owned by a Chinese company and simply aren't making the profit they want.  This is concerning also. Again, not because giant agricultural plants are good for any of us, but where is the safety net for the American people.  Where is the plan B? Did you know Utah has declared an economic/agricultural state of emergency ahead of these closures?  Many people will lose their jobs and because for decades farmers have been driven to supply only to these large companies there is a shortage of processing plants to switch to. 

At what point do people wake up and question the true state of what is going on?  I'm completely over the comedy hour the J6 committee is throwing.  Stop it!  All of these distractions are just that, DISTRACTIONS!  Turn off the television, vote the idiots out, clean up our election system, court system and education system and lets get back to living.  I am seriously over it all. 

While folks are focusing hard on the latest distraction, currently the J6 bull crap, we are being handed our bottoms.  Gas is skyrocketing, food is becoming scarce (did you really believe the baby formula bull - at what point do you question that plenty of places in the world have an abundance yet we don't?), utilities are approaching the stupid level.  When do we wake up and call it for what it is? 

Have you tried to have your vehicle repaired?  Buy an appliance?  Furniture?  Seriously people, wake up!

I'm super tired of the folks that are like oh, the gas is high because Putin went into Ukraine, no... gas was already on an upward trend before that, a sharp upward trend. It is freaking smoke and mirrors.  They are hoping they have you too distracted by working insane hours, watching the predictive programming that is television, gaslighting you by repeating lies over and over again, and in such poor health from all the crap they are putting in food that you don't realize you are an active participant in your own countries destruction. 

When do we realize we are in a very abusive relationship and it isn't going to end well for us?  We aren't crazy, we aren't imagining it.  It's very real?  Need a reality check, go fill up your gas tank and go for a "Sunday drive"... 

I'm sorry if this isn't the happy go lucky blog posting some were expecting.  I'm sorry if it sounds like I am a doomsayer.  Ironically, I believe that we will eventually all come together, I believe that we will see that damn light and realize it is an on-coming train wreck and work together to over-come the damage.  It isn't just in this country, this is not an American problem.  This is a global problem.  And no I don't believe it is the fault of any country.  Frankly, I feel it is the fault of people being lured into a false sense of security, being willing to trade freedom for things.  Becoming lured into a passive state and afraid to say no, this is wrong and you need to go.  That applies to many countries, not just our own. 

I'm weary, I'm frustrated, I am concerned.  But you know what else I am?  I'm determined, I'm hopeful, I am confident and I am amazed at the ingenuity and wisdom of people as they are opening their eyes and looking at the real root of the challenges we have been facing and the greater challenges that I fear we are getting ready to face. 

We've been warned throughout history.  When do we pay attention?

Beau has some questions... 

Well... this crazy woman, has a great deal to accomplish today.  Taking off four days was a bit reckless, even if it was a much needed mental and emotional break. I want to get those curtains up before the sun gets too high on the horizon.  

Please take a moment to just consider what I've written, to think about it from a completely neutral space, to consider the impact that all of this is having on you and your loved ones.  Choose to become part of the solution, not part of the problem.

love and peace everyone...

what's that sound?

Listening to the sound of the heavy rain outside is so calming.  I love the peacefulness of it.  I am in need of some peacefulness this morning. 

Yesterday was super busy, in a great way!  I am loving learning and doing and creating for my family.  I feel a sense of contentment that I truly did not realize was even possible.  I also have a very tired body.  I spend a lot of my day lifting heavy things and moving non-stop.  My arms are hating even lifting my coffee cup right this moment.  They are tired.  My back is tired and sore, but my spirit is soaring.  

I was glancing at some financial news articles this morning and noticed that ironically another major poultry farm a massive producer of eggs for supermarkets went up in flames. I realize those are horrible conditions for the birds, the eggs are inferior to what you could have if you raised your own, etc...  Unfortunately, there are far too few people that live in areas allowed to have their own chickens.  There are many people that have already been struggling to provide for their families and that eggs provided protein even though the cost of them has been going up. 

I also noticed that more baby food factories have been closed.  Why?  

We are definitely living in some seriously dark times. And if you don't see it, then you are choosing not to.  If it isn't the food costs escalating, it's the fuel, or utilities, or clothing, or the bare shelves at stores that they are rearranging things to hide. People are struggling mentally, the effects of the games that have been played are starting to show.  People are cracking. 

I needed the peacefulness of this morning.  The sound of the birds chirping, the rain gently falling now.  The stillness that reminds me that despite all of the chaos swirling around us, we have the choice and free will to decide whether we choose to participate or not. 

I fall on the not side. I always have. I'm not changing who I am at this late stage. 

Yesterday or maybe the day before I saw that article on "the book" about the things that 1940's women did to pull their families through the devastation left by two world wars and a depression. I've been pondering it a great deal, trying to rationalize why all of the sudden it is showing up in my feed.  What the game plan is, because it seems there is always a game plan.  

Thoughts have occurred to me about the fact that "the book" uses algorithms and the groups I follow tend to be around quilting, crafts, gardening, homemaking, cooking, canning, camping, traveling, etc.  So maybe their algorithms led them to think it would be of interest. 

Then I read the comments, because that is something I often do.  There were a whole lot of folks asking the same questions that I am asking.  Why is this showing up. What are they either foreshadowing or is it just that they are trying to raise fear and anxiety? Are they seriously trying to romanticize washing out your aluminum foil and rinsing your paper towels?  Pulling that bit of nostalgia to the forefront?  I think everyone had family members that did that. Most folks are not allowed to hang their laundry due to city ordinances, or at least not around here. The irony is that many things on that list have been banned in most areas.  Unsightly, noisy, unsanitary... hmmm...

All of these things are definitely bringing up some serious questions. 

Add to that the apparent inability of many businesses to hire workers.  And that some of the largest companies are starting layoffs and trying to lease out their own warehouses.  It's troubling. I try to rationalize why folks are choosing to be part of the work force.  Is it about money?  Has the discontent been raised that high with the non-stop $15 an hour minimum that people feel entitled to that?  Can they not see the cause and effect?  If you pay more, you have to increase the cost of your service or product to cover that increase, which therefore decreases the value of that salary increase.

I guess not. 

Or is it that people are learning to do without double incomes, thereby shorting the work force as one parent is staying home.  Finding a daycare for your children is an absolute nightmare and if you do find care, the costs are ridiculous in order to cover the salaries and other increases the businesses are dealing with.  Add to that the cost of gas, your food for the day, uniforms or work attire and you are pretty much working for nothing. 

For years I have heard more and more kids saying they would never lower themselves to working food service.  That it is demeaning.  Yet those jobs were traditionally held by the unskilled as their built their job history. Now we have kids showing up for job interviews wearing animal ears and unable to cope with the anxiety of job skill training.   

So many times I have toyed with returning to the work force, feeling guilty each time the worker shortage is brought up.  Gotta say, I'm not inclined.  I am better able to serve the needs of my family by being home. Not to mention that the first time an employee lost their cool with me over their inability to manage their own anxiety I would probably end up in jail. 

So much damage is being done.  So much damage has been done.  I hope you are paying attention.  I hope you are not simply sitting back and listening to the canned garbage that is spewed by all forms of the media.  I hope you are seriously taking stock in what is going on all around you.  Families are being destroyed, lives are changing at a speed that is the definition of insanity.  It's truly sad. 

It's supposed to rain all day.  I'm glad, we need the rain.  And I hope it washes some of the ugliness away.  I hope it brings a fresh start.  Am I putting on my rose colored glasses?  Of course I am. But while it is raining, I am going to get back to work being busy.  I am going to take care of my family and dearest friends.  I am going to continue to pray and send out positive energy, love and light.  I am going to keep on fighting in the only ways that I know of. 

And I am going to continue paying attention.  It's unbelievable what comes to light when you stop and take a deep breath. 

love and peace...