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Showing posts from January, 2014

Did you???

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Did you watch the Grammy's?  I sure didn't.  Never watch any of those awards shows.  Frankly, they make me a bit ill.  I am not sure I have seen any in at least thirty years.  If it wasn't all they were talking about on the news this morning, I am fairly certain my life would have proceeded forward without even knowing they were on. 

It's not bad enough that an elite group of folks all get together to pat each other on the back and tell themselves they are amazing on live television. But evidently the world stops turning for at least twelve hours maybe longer while they revel in the joy of it all. 

When I turn on the news, I want to hear about what is truly going on in the world.  In my country.  I don't care that Queen Latifah conducted a group of weddings, or that political statements abounded, or there was a "spokesperson" for a group that doesn't speak, or... well any of that. 

I want to know about the real world.  The world where people exist da…

What a difference a day makes...

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Just 24 hours ago I was sitting here sipping coffee, enjoying the lights on the tree that had been up far too long. 

Now I am listening to cars racing past outside, sitting in my living room that has been "spring" cleaned.  Tree down, dusting done, room rearranged, although the ever present Neeko shred is on the freshly vacuumed rug. It's so quiet and different feeling.  Didn't realize how much that glow changed perspective.

Today I will haul more boxes downstairs and finish picking up the house.  I still have laundry to tackle, unless we opt out of wearing clothing for work this week. And frankly I am afraid that would not go over well. For anyone. So after doing the laundry that will mean more ironing.  I am not a fan of ironing, really I am not, I am less a fan of wrinkly clothing.


Yesterday managed to allow time for the completion of a full sock, the last set took me a full month.  I have a basic pattern that I simply adore.  It is sweet, uncomplicated, with ju…

Don't judge...

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Cozy in my living room.  Sitting here sipping my hot coffee and basking in the glow of my Christmas tree lights (don't judge... yet).  I am soaking up the peace and quiet.  An occasional car goes past outside, the clock is ticking away and every now and then my old boy snores a bit.  I know hubby is awake, the big boy disappeared after morning potty break and I can faintly hear the TV down in the man cave.

Enjoying this moment and feeling guilty because I really haven't had a lucid moment to write in a bit, I am considering all the things that need to be accomplished in these precious two days. Oh I know what my exhausted body wants to do.  But as I already said I am sitting here basking in the glow of my Christmas tree... 

This month has been out of control, I mean seriously out of control.  The exhaustion factor is not only physical, but mental and emotional too.  Pretty much the last three weeks have been go, go, go... don't stop and don't look back. 

Hubby and I …

This relationship isn't working out...

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Dear 2014...

I fear that this relationship is off to a very rocky start.  In fact, at this point I simply don't know if I have the will or desire to see it through for another 11 months.

Frankly, I don't feel that you are holding up your end of the bargain!  After a very peaceful and calm start, you have been very trying and challenging for weeks.  You are unrelenting and it's all take, take, take.

I do believe we need to re-evaluate where this relationship is going...

The beautiful, calming "great snow" was beautiful for a minute.  But 13 inches of white fluffy beauty sure made for a rough week.  And we won't even talk about the stress that caused while my children traveled across country in it.

Then just when I thought that maybe your initial tantrum was over and we could go back to the casual dating and getting to know one another in a calmer more rational way.  You decided to test me once again.

A flood through my beautiful building is not a great welcom…

exhaustion...

Simply too exhausted for words. 

Got to spend a minute or two with my girls last night on the way home from a meeting.  Then a chat with my son once I got home.

That is pretty much the extent of my life right now.  Living in snippets.

Maybe once we reopen our building we will be able to move forward. Less hours at work, my time at having a life.  I have to work again tomorrow, although the game plan is to have Sunday off.  I hope so, I need a day.  I am tired.

I should say that my tree will come down on Sunday, I should say I will get a ton of other things done. 

I can't say it. 

I have a feeling Sunday will truly be a day of rest.  Maybe. 

It might help my mental state to get a few of these other items off my list.

We'll see....

23 years... what a great journey so far...

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I can't believe it's been 23 years... After waiting and hoping for so long 23 years ago my youngest was born.  I remember the fear when his heart beat kept stopping while he was being born, I remember holding my breath because he didn't breath right away.  I remember the nervous laughter and the relief when he started to cry.  I cherish those memories. 

I remember the middle of the night call to my best friend, an hour and a half away.  She was my coach.  I remember the surreal sight of Landstuhl hospital.  It was the day of the line in the sand.  The military hospital was locked down, barricades, everything had multiple sets of security.  It was so quiet in the hospital that day. 

I always wanted a girl and a boy.  I had been blessed to have my girl almost six years before.  I hadn't ever wanted to know if I was having a boy or girl, I always figured that was part of the surprise. I remember the call to our sweet little girl, a pistolcharacter even then, at home with…

I needed strength stronger than myself...

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Sure didn't sleep the night before last.  Spent a lot of hours sitting up in the dark feeling like my world is spinning as out of balance.  Breathing was painful, thinking hurt, and my heart was feeling wrung out.  I sat there in the dark, afraid to breathe. For hours I sat there feeling lost.  I prayed.  I talked to God for hours.  I finally did what I always do when I know everything is bigger than my ability to understand and process it.

After hours, after prayerfully giving it all up to God. I went to bed.  I didn't really fall back to sleep, but I rested.  Yesterday morning, I felt better. This morning, I feel stronger.  I feel like the weight of the world is not resting on me.

I am grateful for my faith today.  Maybe you won't find me in church every Sunday.  And I don't expect everyone to share my faith. I do hope that whatever your belief is in brings you that kind of peace and calming in your soul.


I started this yesterday, but never finished.  I do believe …

where is my sunrise?

Hello Morning, you didn't wait long to appear did you? You simply rushed the night out of the way.

Hot coffee isn't helping to make the body less sore or bringing much calm to my mind.  Luckily, the bit of sleep I had last night made it easier to think this morning.  I am clearer.  I was able to go through my email and cancel the events that were planned for the next week or so.  I was able to sit and think about the things that need my attention.

In a few minutes I will start getting ready for the meeting this morning.  I am not looking forward to it.  January is so key for us, to suffer this kind of loss is hard. I am not wanting to be strong enough to deal with the week ahead. Right now I want to sit at home in my jammies, nursing my aching muscles and arthritic joints.  I want to get this darn flare that is threatening under control.

So many things are not good for my body, yesterday encompassed so many of them. Today, I need to take it down a notch.  The stress is the har…

Why?

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Rain outside, rain inside...

Exhaustion level is off the charts.

A building that I love and have put more than my share of blood, sweat, tears and countless hours into is in really sad shape, through no fault of our own.

It's bad.

And I am reminded once again why I work where I do and with the people that I do.

It's not perfect, it has lumps and bumps... today was brutal.

And the amazing people that make up the fabric of the Y, proved to me once again what is that makes me passionate about what I do.

As water poured down on us, as we struggled to save everything that we could, as we stood in freezing cold water and worked side by side, they showed up. 

Part time staff that traveled through pouring rain, working side by side with those of us that put more hours into that place than our own homes. 

Property Managers left their buildings, some traveling more than 50 miles one way, all bearing buckets, squeegees, mops, extractors and anything else they thought would help. Staff f…

We are all as different as snow flakes...

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I love snow... it's beautiful and has a special feel.  I love the moonscape appearance it creates.  And the way the cold winter sky looks like deep rich velvet contrasting with the brightness caused by the snow...

That being said... the best thing I have ever heard was the news forecast this morning calling for mid-forties and rain! Because I am done with the snow.  In this area either we don't know how to deal with it or folks are simply too lazy.  I am tired of impassable roads, non-shoveled side walks, sliding on floors that are covered in a salty, slushy, watery mix.  I am ready for the rain.


Last night Hubby and I had the pleasure of spending a couple of hours with our grand baby.  We took her to her last soccer clinic of the session.  It was so much fun!  We would have loved more time with her, but it wasn't meant to be.  She hasn't had a lot of time with Dad this past year and she was seriously eating up the attention he has been giving her.  I can't blame h…

Sock Salvation...

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Snow, Snow and more snow... watching it come down, while looking at pictures of a beautiful California beach... somehow the two simply collide.  I have never had a desire to go to California, after all the snow this week (that we somehow don't seem to be able to get a handle on after almost a week), it is looking tempting.

This mom's heart is feeling much stronger.  The kids are having a good time, and the bits and pieces of life are falling together for my youngest.  Car - check, Apartment - check (lease gets signed today), sunshine - yep got that too... each text or phone call has me feeling better.  Even though they are so far away thanks to technology... they seem next door.


It's been a nutty week so far because of the weather, the start of the year, and simply just making it from day to day.  I wasn't feeling good earlier in the week which really put a kink on getting things going.  And here it is already Thursday... Which is good, because I am going to need a we…

Frozen...

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Brrrr.... Wow can it get any colder?  Do not answer that! Because according to the weather, we haven't hit the coldest it is going to be yet.  It's breathtakingly beautiful outside, it really is.  But it is so brutally cold.  I have never seen this much snow, or felt it be this cold here in the mid-west.  For this area, it's pretty extreme.

I completely have to give kudos to IDot and MODot, because we drove a total of about 100 miles this morning and the roads were really good all considering.  Now that is not saying they were great, but considering the drifting snow, wind and cold.  Awesome.

I will feel better when I get the text assuring me that the kids have made it to a non-snow area.  Probably a few more hours. Hubby and I will head back out in it in a few hours, we are opening late today and need to make it safely to work. I am far more concerned with the drive home at nine tonight.  Have a feeling some of that stuff is going to manage to be melted, at least for a m…

Taking bets...

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I keep looking out the window, each time I hear a snow plow go past.   I am not sure what they are plowing, but they are being diligent. The storm watch forecast on television is assuring me that the storm is still heading our way and there is a bit of snow starting to come down in St. Louis.  But here in Illinois... well... I think there is a whole inch on the deck out front.

Do you think Mother Nature heard my plea?  I am still hopeful, but starting to lose hope.  I am not as concerned as I was yesterday.  My girl rented a Suburban, that puppy is huge and heavy! We decided to not risk loading his world up in deep snow, so everything is loaded with the exception of electronics, a few blankets and a few remaining clothes, we will load that tomorrow morning when we take him to her house.  The first hour of his trip might be interesting.

I just looked outside as I went to fill my coffee.  It's starting to fall, its light and crispy, not what I like to hear.  That makes an icy glaze…

Let it... Not snow??

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The weather forecast is calling for snow.  Lots of snow.  I think for the first time ever I am hoping for it to miss us.  I love snow, I love spending a weekend inside while it is cold and windy outside, all beautiful white and sparkling. Normally, I love it!

Today I am praying that the weather teams might be looking at the wrong map.  Our winters have been fairly mild for a long time now, sure we get the occasional few inches.  Sometimes it's a bit icy, but truthfully around here, it really isn't a cause for closing schools and businesses.  But with it being so rare anymore, well folks just don't know what to do when that white stuff falls.

I got three code red weather warnings yesterday, over 24 hours before it is supposed to hit.  Unbelievable really.  I am hoping it is like all the hoopla last year over "snowmeggedon" that had the media in a complete fit, predicting a foot of snow and blinding white outs.  The reality... less than two inches of snow and you…

Welcome 2014!

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Hard to believe a year has gone by, last New Years Day I was scheming, planning, setting goals and dreaming bigger dreams than I had ever dared to dream.  A year ago I was still plotting this blog, still gathering my courage.  I am not your typical Leo, I tend to hide in the shadows not dance in the limelight.  Last year was the start of a lot of changes for me.

This January 1, has found me feeling quieter and more reflective.  I find I am looking back more than I am looking forward.  It's the first time since I moved here in 2003 that I was able to simply enjoy the day.  Hubby and I spent most of the day resting, refocusing, watching a bit of television, working on small projects and simply being.

I am sure a lot of my reflective feelings have to do with those guys down the hall, my son and his best friend are in his room, laughing, talking, gaming and simply being young men.  It sounds so much like it has for years.  Their friendship goes back to when we moved here, and I am su…