23 years... what a great journey so far...

all grown up now...

I can't believe it's been 23 years... After waiting and hoping for so long 23 years ago my youngest was born.  I remember the fear when his heart beat kept stopping while he was being born, I remember holding my breath because he didn't breath right away.  I remember the nervous laughter and the relief when he started to cry.  I cherish those memories. 

I remember the middle of the night call to my best friend, an hour and a half away.  She was my coach.  I remember the surreal sight of Landstuhl hospital.  It was the day of the line in the sand.  The military hospital was locked down, barricades, everything had multiple sets of security.  It was so quiet in the hospital that day. 

I always wanted a girl and a boy.  I had been blessed to have my girl almost six years before.  I hadn't ever wanted to know if I was having a boy or girl, I always figured that was part of the surprise. I remember the call to our sweet little girl, a pistolcharacter even then, at home with our neighbors on a base that was securely locked up.  I remember telling her "you have a baby brother" and her answer "of course I have a baby brother, that is what I told God I wanted and he listens to me." I remember laughing. I laugh harder now...

I remember sitting in the television lounge holding my precious baby, having just hung up from talking to my family in the US.  It was late at night, all those sweet babies and mommies should have been sleeping.  Not one baby was sleeping, not one mom, it was like everyone knew.  That line in the sand had been crossed, everything was being prepared for war.  It permeated the air, the babies knew. 

I remember that four am wake up call, snuggling my sweet little boy, so calm and good, waking up to see a doctor (at least I still tell myself that is what it was) in full chemical gear, knowing... Calling home on the payphone in the hallway, shivering, scared, the only comfort was holding that little bitty man. Using all my pfennings trying to get my ex to answer the phone, dreading that he would have to leave our baby girl with someone to come and pick us up. 

I remember the day he was born so clearly.  Like it was yesterday.  Sitting in the cafeteria waiting for the results of his tests while the entire hospital was going into full battle ready status.  Praying for those sweet babies that were in NICU, being readied for the removal to civilian hospitals.  Hearing their parents being told those sweet little ones might not make it down the hill.  Snuggling my sweet tiny guy, crying for them. 

I was blessed for the second time in my life that morning.  He was such a considerate guy, even as a newborn, he'd been kind enough to be born at 9:59 am, insuring we could go home sooner, little did we know sooner meant the next morning at 4 am.

I am so proud of my son!

 Twenty three years ago... it seems like only yesterday.  Now for the first time in those 23 years we live in different time zones, I want to make him a special birthday dinner... I hope he is having one.  I want to tell him how much I love my little man.  How much I have enjoyed the last 23 years, how I am so excited for each one yet to come.  I'd love to make him an Angel Food cake... he really didn't like any other kind growing up. 

He's a grown man now, I am so very proud of him.  I hope he knows that in my minds eye, he is now and forever that tow headed, golden eyed little cherub.  I love the man he's become, I miss the baby days, but have cherished the journey!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy all grown up!