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Showing posts from January, 2015

It's the little things...

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The sounds of Looney Toons are echoing up the stairs.  It's a bit louder than I can take, one of the reasons that I am upstairs.  Two of my favorite people in the world are downstairs giggling, laughing and bouncing their little short attention spanned selves between cartoons and YouTube.  In a few moments I expect to hear Shake it Off yet again.

Grandpa is in his glory with his baby girl.  They are so close, he is always good for getting a giggle out of her. They make the perfect playmates.  Both of them love music and television.  Usually at a very loud volume. In all fairness Gramps is a bit hard of hearing.  Leftover from a stint in Vietnam.  The grand baby has a bit of hearing loss also, so it probably sounds perfectly normal to them both.  I love listening from a distance.  I am far too sensitive to sound to be able to join them, but I love hearing it, from a distance.

It's been a good day.  I was able to spend time with my favorite folks at work.  It was an odd day losi…

as tear drops fall...

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This morning in the darkness, I slipped on my glasses and picked up my phone.  It is my normal routine.  One that has years of fears and worries behind it.  I am always checking to see that my kids are fine, that my mom and dad are okay, and that while I slept those I love were safe as well.

In the darkness this morning, I saw a lovely picture of sweet Runner.  He crossed his finish line last night, he's now running free and unhindered, his sweet voice is echoing through the heavens I'm sure. No one heard him speak while he was here among us mere mortals, he words too precious to share.  I am sure last night when he ran across that finish line, his Uncle that loved and adored him here on earth was there with open and loving arms to catch him and welcome him to eternity.

With tears running down my face, my heart broken and soaring all at once, the big dog climbed up beside me to comfort me.  He'd heard me cry.


Last night the sunset that hubs and I saw was so brilliant, we…

Wishing on the heavens...

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It's quiet tonight, at least here in the Mid-West.  It's a night of waiting, watching and praying for so many. The east coast is bracing, seems there is quiet a storm heading their direction.  But here at home, it's quiet. The sunset tonight was calm and beautiful.  I find living out on the western side of St. Louis now, has given us the gift of some amazing sunsets.

Walking out along the ridge tonight walking the boys, I often find myself mesmerized by the view that waits for us. The cotton candy colored clouds, softly drifting, pull my attention their direction.

I am grateful for those sunsets, and the sunrises, they bring focus.

One of my friends is preparing to lose one of her babies to Heaven.  I can't even imagine the strength it takes to face that kind of loss with such graciousness.  Gracious, oddly accurate, oddly defining.  I am proud to know her, want to eventually meet her husband the one that writes of their sweet boy's journey so beautifully. I am …

As I toil...

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The sun is probably coming up... No beautiful sunrise today.  It's cloudy and overcast, and it's been raining all night.  Such a stark contrast to the sheer beauty of yesterday! Yesterday was a beautiful fall or spring type day, high 50's and just plain gorgeous!  Hubs and I were busy as can be.  We went back to Illinois.

I have to admit, I simply don't miss it.  Even on a beautiful day it was dreary and unwelcoming.  I don't miss the horrid traffic, the rudeness, there is very little I miss about there.  I will miss my yard in the spring, it was perfect for gardening.  I will not miss anything else.

Although we did make the best of the day.  Our twins had given me a gift card for Christmas a few years (yes, it really was 2012) to a local salon. I figured I should probably get around to using it, so while we were over there I made an appointment for a nice trim and a few pampering things.  It was so nice to be pampered for a bit, so much that I can't believe I…

Ugghhh...

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First world problems... my darn phone is giving me fits.  I hate it!  I am not a techno geek, I do not keep up on the latest and greatest. I am pretty much old school central.  If I had a house phone and did not have an almost obsessive compulsion to always be available for my hubby,  kids and grand kids I am fairly positive I would just say toss it and forget it.

I dread when a phone starts to fail because that leads to a whole mess of problems that I absolutely do not want to deal with!  The first thing being finding a new phone.  Like I said, I do not keep up on the latest and greatest.  And can honestly say my first phone which was $49.99 is the most expensive phone I have ever bought.  I always search the site for those free to $.99 phones. I despise the thought of paying so much for a phone.  Especially when I already pay so much a month for the privilege of constant connection.

This is not a great start to my Friday.  It feels like just one more jab in my already cranky state …

Do you know where you're going to?

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Monday...

I feel we seriously need to reevaluate our relationship.  Heck even the sun does not seem too happy to see you.  I am sitting here with my coffee wondering if the sky plans to ever lighten today.  I vaguely see a hint to the east, but I really have to struggle to see it.

I don't feel like having a relationship with you any longer, and I feel that is so unfair to both of us.  Monday, you should be bright and bold, daring me to take on new challenges and adventures.

Instead, you are tired and dreary.  Pleading with me to climb back in bed and close my eyes. Steal a few more precious winks.

What kind of motivation is that?

Yesterday was a mixed bag of tricks.  It was filled with tasks, some successful, some not so much.  So many household chores accomplished.




My attempt at bra making... well, lets just say I will need to purchase more supplies.  It's a beautiful bra, but I need to re-evaluate my measurements.  Evidently, I am not so great with numbers and understandin…

I don't understand...

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What a beautiful day, the sunshine, the soft breeze, the fun times running errands with hubby.  It was the perfect kind of day for kicking back and just enjoying time.  
Funny watching hubs and I walking.  My left knee/ankle is giving me fits again (they never did figure all of it out - partially torn Achilles and 6 months in a walking boot - never did make it go away), so I am favoring my left leg.  He is doing so much better, but when he starts getting tired he favors the right. We strongly resembled a pair of webbols wobbling along as we got tired.  
Between his cabin fever and my desire to get all the errands done so I can stay at home in my jammies all day yesterday we probably pushed ourselves a bit much.  As he's already headed to bed, yes it is 7:30 pm and I am sitting here with my poor leg elevated and it cussing me.  
The past week was a tough one, it has led to many thought processes and action steps that will cause changes.  They have to.  So today was about catching …

Walking on Sunshine...

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Good Morning!  I am watching a beautiful sunrise drifting up the horizon.  It's so beautiful.  The oranges and golds are so beautiful.  They provide a sharp contrast to the deep azure of the morning sky.  The sliver of the moon and a few remaining stars are flickering softly as morning creeps in.

I haven't had time to blog this week.  Work has been sucking up a lot of time, it happens in January.  This year I am finding myself torn in a lot of directions.  Physically, mentally and definitely emotionally.  I feel that I am at a serious tipping point in my life.  One of those crossroads.  Left or right. Up or down. Stay or go.  I feel that this is a defining year.  It requires love and attention.  It requires my participation.

I am a go with the flow person.  For the most part I will ride the waves, I am not like the salmon, I don't fight the current.  I am finding that turning point is invading my life.  I am taking inventory of where I am and what I want.

I am celebratin…

In the early morning darkness...

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I'm up way too early after staying up way too late.  I don't know if I should be annoyed or thankful.  I woke up with a start at 5:42, actually it was more of a growl than a start. Something dinged on my phone, I was already sleeping fitfully, so it shouldn't have surprised me to get woken up by such a soft sound.  Hubs was up, for a minute.  I vaguely remember growling I'm not awake yet to his cheerful good morning. Next I knew he was sleeping soundly beside me and I was wide awake.  My mind running as fast as it could pointing out all the things I needed to do this weekend, but hadn't even started and a full day was gone.

Disappointment at not snoozing was eating at me, I really wanted to sleep in.  I know I will regret it later today.  That new yarn I wrote about, had captured my attention a little too strongly.  While watching a bit of television with the girls (who decided to come visit their Dad), I decided to cast on.  I wanted to feel that 100% baby alpaca…

Those little moments...

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I love the unexpected turns in life.  A morning spent with our grand baby definitely makes for a wonderful start to the weekend. It wasn't planned, but nothing tops a short visit that involves a tea party and homemade donuts.  I mean seriously who does not love those silly, simple biscuit donuts?

Hubs is far more mobile now.  Short bursts of time, but it's enjoyable to walk the boys together again.  For the most part he and the old guy are at about the same speed.  Although I had to carry the old guy back again this morning.  The ground on a five degree morning is simply more than his little feet can take.  He knows Mommy will scoop him up and carry him home when they give out from the cold.  But it's beyond pathetic to see the look in those big brown eyes when he's managed to step on whatever they treat the roads with combined with the cold.  By the time I get him home, I feel like I am going to simply collapse, after all he's about 70 pounds of dead, awkward weigh…

Inside my ordinary life...

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Well hellooooo Frostbite... I mean Friday... brrrrr I think it might be a case of both.  Yesterday it started out a balmy 5 degrees, today it's 17.  I really didn't notice a darn bit of difference.  Okay, that isn't true, today the boys wanted "full" walks not the mini-ones they got yesterday. Yesterday was cold minus the wind, today it is cold with a hard wind.  Basically, the same... and simply just plain COLD.

I love winter, but I do not want to be cold if there is no snow.  And unlike last year, there is no snow.  This makes me incredibly sad and very, very miserable.

On the plus side it makes for some drop dead gorgeous sunrises.  And a chance to stay inside and enjoy the company of family and friends.  At least those brave enough to come out to visit and work.

As I sit here defrosting, feeling some tingling pain returning to my face, I am trying to find the energy to get myself up the stairs and ready for work.  I always forget how difficult it is for me …

On a bitter quiet morning...

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It's a bitterly cold morning.  That creepy kind that has almost no sound, except when the wind blows and you can hear the leaves that are left blowing down the frozen sidewalks and streets.  The moon keeps peaking briefly out around the clouds.  Enough to give you that eerie sense of light, but no reassurance.

I guess the deep cold must isolate against sound also.  I was walking the old guy and normally he will alert on someone long before I ever even see them, this morning the other dog was literally across the street from us, neither of us had heard him.  He is one of my favorites that we encounter in the morning.  Full of life and energy, always "talking".  He and the old guy are not really friendly to each other, its usually a stand off between them neither on exactly aggressive, but they often have a lot to say to each other. Not today...

I didn't get a chance to write yesterday, the first day back from Holiday is always crazy, the first day back in January when…

Just another ordinary day...

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Except for the wind chimes blowing around out front and the faint noise from the bedroom upstairs, it's quiet and dark in the house tonight.

The last two weeks seem to have already drifted away... time is so fluid like that.

I felt like a silly, old fool this morning.  No correction, I felt like a mom that loves her children and didn't know when she would see her youngest again as I squeezed him tight, not wanting that hug to end.  Biting my lip to not let the tears in my eyes run down my face.  It's so hard to let them live their lives, especially so far away.


A morning spent with Grand baby - who discovered an app to "chat with Santa" (they really needed better algorithms - everything was answered with "can you chat" or "Santa doesn't know if he can do that" - even when asking if Rudolph was doing well)  a bit of time together spent learning to make a hat and lunch with the youngest and her guy didn't really make my nerves calmer.

I…

Time flies when you are having fun...

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Two weeks has flown past, tomorrow my youngest heads back west.  His life has been gently put on hold for two weeks while he spent time here.  With me. As he prepares to head back, my heart isn't filled with the fear and dread that it held a year ago when he left home to build his life out west.

A year ago, he was moving away to a strange place, with no family or friends near by.  It was snowing to almost blizzard conditions and his big sister was driving him west.  I had never been far from him, not more than a short drive. I had a lot to adjust to, my baby no longer was in the nest.

Tonight as he is out with his sister and I hear grand baby down stairs with her Grandpa, I feel sadness that the time has flown by.  Two weeks, feels like only yesterday when he arrived, two weeks sure isn't long.  No fear or apprehension.  I am sitting here seeing his shoes sitting by the stair case, they have remained there for two weeks.  Tomorrow it will feel empty not to see them there.  Th…

F.E.A.R.

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Not sure why, but for an optimist I sure can be a serious pessimist.  Most of the time, probably 95%, I am the one that always finds the rosy middle in things. I know every cloud has a silver lining and that I can do anything I set my mind to, unless it involves me loving math.  Because that will never happen.

So why do I always take years to tackle a new skill.  I have the ability to completely convince myself that a new stitch, new style, new craft is impossible.  Far out of my ability range and nothing I will ever be able to wrap my brain around.  It all seems so complicated.

For years I had grandmother's and friends trying to teach me to crochet.  Seriously, the easiest of all the skills I have.  It was simply incomprehensible for me.  I was not quite 18 when I finally decided I could do it.  I had the ability to use one needle and wrap some yarn around it and boom, I made an afghan.  I wanted a special Christmas present for the guy I was dating, and this one didn't seem to…

Welcome 2015...

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Well hello... it's been many years since I actually stayed up to welcome a new year usually I am fast asleep long before Father Time leaves making way for that fresh little infant the Baby New Year.  I decided to make an exception for you. I have very high hopes for you, and I decided I would welcome you with open arms, a gentle heart and plenty of good wishes.


2015, you and I have a lot to rejoice over together.  This is the year that I turn 50.  A full half century will have passed since I joined this silly group we call people. And I fully intend to celebrate this year and all it means.  What a cool milestone.  One that not everyone is guaranteed, now mind you that you are simply one of many, so don't go getting greedy on me.

Today has been a day of getting acquainted.  After that brief welcoming flirtation, I fully did not intend to deepen the relationship until much, much later in the morning today. And at 6:08 am when my phone chirped to life I am sure you were not at a…