as tear drops fall...

This morning in the darkness, I slipped on my glasses and picked up my phone.  It is my normal routine.  One that has years of fears and worries behind it.  I am always checking to see that my kids are fine, that my mom and dad are okay, and that while I slept those I love were safe as well.

In the darkness this morning, I saw a lovely picture of sweet Runner.  He crossed his finish line last night, he's now running free and unhindered, his sweet voice is echoing through the heavens I'm sure. No one heard him speak while he was here among us mere mortals, he words too precious to share.  I am sure last night when he ran across that finish line, his Uncle that loved and adored him here on earth was there with open and loving arms to catch him and welcome him to eternity.

With tears running down my face, my heart broken and soaring all at once, the big dog climbed up beside me to comfort me.  He'd heard me cry.


Last night the sunset that hubs and I saw was so brilliant, we didn't have a single camera capable of capturing the beauty.  It was breath taking.  I guess the angels were preparing the welcoming party to greet that amazing little man just a few hours later.

Not everyone believes in heaven, and that's okay.  I do.  I know in my deepest heart that there is an eternity waiting for each us, that includes our families and loved ones.  Our pets will join us, our hearts will be whole again.  And I really don't care if others don't feel that.  I won't judge them, I refuse to be judged by them.

As I slowly got ready to brave the day, and walk my boys in that wind that seemed to be trying to scour the earth, my heart was really heavy.  The wind reminded me so much of New Mexico and the horrid 7 months that my son and I lived there.  We hated it.  It was lonely, it was barren, and we were brutally unhappy. Those winds on the high desert blew the tumble weeds around so hard that everything was scarred from their existence.  That is how the morning felt today.  The winds were blowing trash cans, lawn decorations everywhere and scouring everything in their path.

Just like those winds healed my heart and striped away the callousness that could have formed I felt comfort from them today.  I never met Runner, his brother or father.  His mother is my friend.  Although it's been years since we've talked face to face.  And our friendship was built as part of a nine month class we shared.

She has impacted my life since before I met her.  She was asked to share her story at one of our Y functions, long ago.  I didn't know her, but her story touched my heart down to my very soul.  She proudly spoke of her precious Runner.  She shared with everyone the joys and sorrows of raising a special needs child.  She shared joyously the gifts he silently brought into her life and how she could never image her world without him.  Later we were in a class together, she was often on my teams, and her joyful attitude towards life made so many things a bit more worthwhile.

A bit later she had her second son, Dash.  It seemed the woman who could not possibly be any more joyful, giving, loving and buoyant had actually transcended even that level.  She lifts everyone around her.

Over the years, I have watched, celebrated and mourned with her as she and her precious family have endured more than most of us will ever have face.  Runner's illnesses, the loss of a cherished baby brother, and now Runner's final battle and the victory that waited for him.

In December I sat in the same building where I had first heard her speak, wishing she was there, missing the pureness she brought with her love of children and our mission.  Sadly, she'd left the Y a few years before and she was were she needed to be anyone, with her sweet little man.

As I have followed along at a distance, as I have prayed with them and for them.  As I have marveled at them, my life has changed.  I can't fathom their strength.  I can't imagine the depth of sorrow or the sheer pride of being the parents to such a wonderful life changing little boy.  He changed many lives, and never said a word.

Through their journey, they have made an impact on so many.  My faith is deeper, I am a deeply spiritual and faithful person. While I may struggle with man's church, God's love is the source of my own strength and energy.  I measure who I am, and my contribution to this crazy planet by a different measuring stick.  I often wonder have I earned the right to call her my friend, am I good enough?

The beauty of yesterday, has faded into a gray, windy, harsh day.  I think the earth is mourning the return of that petite little angel to the beauty of heaven.  We are all a bit paler for the loss...

I am going to ask everyone that reads this, to please send my dear friend and her family loving prayers, uplifting and positive energy.  They will need it.  Their Superman has gone home...

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