Posts

Showing posts from October, 2017

scary...

Image
Happy Halloween!?

Or is it?

I remember being a kid and Halloween being one of my favorite holidays.  I mean come on, it was the perfect opportunity to dress up as your greatest fear and face that stuff head on! Witches, ghosts, aliens, skeletons, etc... they were always everywhere.  Of course there were mummies and goblins.  I also remember hobo's and clowns (before that was the single most terrifying thing ever!  Thank you Stephen King).

Of course there were always the kids that evidently had no fears and they were in the fun, silly costumes. Either that or their parents might have been more concerned about potential psychological damage down the line. And not looking forward to paying for years of therapy, opted for balloons and unicorns.

I remember watching Halloween start morphing when I was in my late teens. At some point it started to be people that frightened us, that were ridiculed and mocked.  Presidents, politicians, despots and dictators started being combined into a…

making a life...

Image
It's a perfectly dreary fall morning here in the Lou.  Drizzly rain, brisk wind, chilly temps.  It's absolutely perfect!  
I am blessed with a day away from work, I started to say off, but then I realized that I plan to work quite a bit today.  I hadn't really made any plans for the day when I was struggling to wake up to the alarm.  Little snippets of maybe's were about as solid as my plans went. 
I was tired.  Still am, but it's a good tired. I have had a great weekend, a few hiccups thrown in for good measure, but all in all a great weekend.  
Family time, rushing about trying to fix heat at the daughter's house, feeling thankful that ours is working. Spending time with both of my grand daughters.  And time to visit with one of my "boys" from long ago.  
Sitting here in the semi-silence, I feel peaceful.  It's been a long while since I have felt truly peaceful. It's starting to feel like my world is balancing a bit. 

The washer and dryer a…

succeeding at life...

Image
Feeling accomplished and successful was definitely not what I anticipated when waking up this morning.

The last thing running through my head as I drifted to sleep was my sweet daughter's incredulous voice when I put my coat over my jammies and drove down to her house last night in response to her plea that she was failing at life.  She'd had a fuse blow and didn't know where it was or how to reset it. She'd semi suggested that bringing Hubs might be a good choice.  Being that I don't often feel that I am failing at life, nor do I often feel that I am incapable of most household repairs, I didn't bother to stir him from his toasty bed.

Her response to my solo arrival?  "You came ALONE?? Do you think you know what you are doing?"

WHAT??  I have been doing most of my own household repairs since my early 20's, being the more mechanically inclined in my previous marriage. And she doubts me?

My response, reset the outside outlet that she'd trippe…

because I can...

Image
As the coffee cooled in my cup, I stood in the garage with Hubs.  The day started with heavy rain, not the kind that the boys were even remotely going to consider walking in.  Me either for that matter.

The kind of fall morning where you can stand and let the scents soak into your very being.  Not cold, not hot, simply a fall morning.  The colors are starting to get crazy beautiful and without the rain it would have been the perfect day for a ride to look at the colors.

Instead, we sipped coffee, Hubs enjoyed his cigar and we slowly started the day.

I came inside sooner than Hubs did.  Fall is when I want to create.  I'd ordered some soap bases and have really wanted to try my hand at cold process soaps.  I started with hot process. Oddly I always seem to be attracted to the more difficult way to do things first.

Seems no one ever tells me until after the fact that I have selected the more difficult pattern, style, recipe etc. And my brain simply decides the easier way is the mo…

down time...

Image
It's the end of the day, tomorrow a new and busy week will start.

I'm sitting here in the dark. Savoring the memory of a day well spent. Sipping a hot cup of tea.

I found a new tea "shop" today at the South County YMCA's Arts and Crafts fair.  I love supporting local people.  I enjoy buying gifts and things for my home from people where it will make a difference. Each of the people I supported will have a bit more in their personal budget.  Maybe they were raising Christmas money, or just a bit extra to make a difference for their families.

Not that it doesn't make a difference when I go to the mall or a big box store.  Teavanna is all well and fine, but honestly, it's over priced and it's a "big box" store.  Besides that I can't ever duplicate the flavor of the tea they serve me. EVER!  I have spent way too much money buying from them for it to sit on a shelf and get stale as I try to figure out what I am doing wrong.  Meeting the own…

damaged goods

Image
While chatting with Hubs this morning at breakfast a ghost of my past came roaring back to life.  The event had absolutely nothing to do with Hubs, it was long before him.  The conversation was innocent and bland - perfect breakfast conversation - I mean after all who wants to solve world peace before their third cup of coffee.

I don't know what made it snap to the forefront of my mind.  Honestly, it was something that I thought was dead and buried almost 20 years ago now (Did I seriously just say 20?  Wow time flies).  It was another lifetime.  It left a lot of scars, most of which I thought had healed.

Needless to say, as I clumsily tried to explain to Hubs why it was bothering me, I in turn ripped off a long scabbed over wound of his.  Also inflicted by someone else more than 20 years ago. As I watched the red rim his eyes and his jaw lock, I knew I'd hit that wound dead on.

Now, as I said, I also had wounds, and for a bit, I was stubborn.  I didn't apologize.  My fee…

To Be...

Image
Good morning!!  The sun is just now starting to cut through fog that was hanging around for the second day, yesterday it felt like a heavy winter quilt.


I'm sitting at the kitchen island, pretty sure it's my favorite spot, looking out the window.  Yesterday it was sparkling like diamonds.  Bright sunlight breaking through the fog, making the mist sparkle like diamonds sprinkled all over the beautiful changing colors.



I am totally a fall girl!  I decided I needed a few days for me.  A chance to balance things.  A chance to reconnect with my home, my family, and me.  My personal "to-do" list.

As I was getting ready to write this morning, I was cleaning up my personal email account in between semi-tidying my kitchen.  I have started following Jay Shetty.  I like his take on life. I like the positive glow that he brings into a world that seems to be moving more and more into a dark place.

Today's quote that caught my eye... "Make your To-Be list, not your To-…

exhaustion...

Image
I'm exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

My candle has been being burnt in multiple spots for a while now and my FMS is starting to feel it. My brain is starting to feel fuzzy, my mind is feeling numb, my muscles are starting to scream at life.

I know that if I could simply find/make time to walk the pains would eventually subside, but my weariness is overwhelming lately.  Each minute that I can sleep feels like a precious gift from God.

Stress is my enemy.  I know it is the biggest cause of flares. And for over a month now the entire city of St. Louis has been a powder keg of stress.

If this small but determined group of people is intent on being heard, I think they are doing that. Now I just wish the message made sense.  I wish that I could fully understand and that there was a path and plan out of the darkness. One of my B's keeps trying to help me understand my adopted home.  It's idiosyncrasies, the under currents, the root of the problem so to speak.

I am still stru…

both sides...

Image
My heart is hurting.  I'm tired.  I am worn.

I tried to write yesterday.  But I couldn't.  I was angry.  I was simply tired of snappy people.  Youngsters that presume they know everything and show no compassion for anyone that is not connected to their cause that the are fired up and passionate about.

I was FED UP!  All I could feel was that two wrongs do not make a right. When I read her snippy comment, all I could think was have you given any consideration to others?  The same that you are demanding for the people you are passionate about? The tunnel vision and lack of understanding for everyone.

I read "are you uncomfortable?  Good, it's about time"...  what?  How presumptuous.  That very thought process is what causes the hurt, pain and discomfort that many feel.  Guess what you don't know me, I don't know you.  I don't know what journey you have taken or explored to get where you are - but I am going to guess that as you've just graduated c…