a quilt...

I decided I should sit down in a big comfy chair for a bit and stretch my fingers out before I started looking like the hunchback of Notre-Dame complete with claws for hands.  I've been prepping a duffel-bag full of uniforms to start the quilt. Daily uniforms, dress uniforms, removing the bits and pieces that will create a memory of a time served.  Some of that stuff was very difficult to cut through and the scissors I am using are sharp enough to slice your fingers by sliding across an unattended blade.  

I'm down to one pair of pants.  They are the bright blue of the dress uniform.  As I have been cutting and salvaging the fabric, I have been plotting and planning.  Trying to decide the best places and orders to use each color.  I will admit, this bright blue with it's very recognizable red stripe has me a bit stumped. I thought I had it figured out, all planned and ready to use. Until I realized there was only one pair and the stripe is only on the outside.  They would have needed 6ft long legs for my plan to work.  So I am back at mentally planning it out.  I will figure it out.  The stripe might end up in the piano key border that my brain keeps insisting needs to frame the whole quilt. Who knows. 

I already know the quilt will have the middle panel, bordered by a modified trip around the world, I will create some star blocks that will include his patches and emblems.  I am a bit ignorant of the proper terminology with Marine ranks and insignia, but I am sure I can do it justice. I am not sure how I am going to include the stars, I have several different ideas and I guess it will depend on what it looks like when I get to that point in the quilt.  I have most of it worked out in my brain.  Almost time to commit!

For a small moment in time.  I am sipping my ice tea, enjoying the changing colors outside the window and timing my sweet pups time out in the sunshine.  It's been so mild that they have gotten quite spoiled with lots of outside time, today is edging back into the 80's... which means less outside time than they like.  Again, Belle is my smart girl, she will bring herself inside. Beau... That boy loves the heat (not good with seizures) and has to be almost dragged into the house. 

last night at 9 pm

My plan is to have the piecing of the quilt done by Friday.  Hubs has a few appointments this week (getting ready for surgery) so those should give me the break that my body will be craving from cutting, ironing, cutting, stitching, measuring and sewing some more. I am so excited to see how this turns out.  I am feeling very blessed to have been selected to create it.  And honestly, once I have committed with the first snip of the scissors I am a bit obsessive.  If everything goes as planned, it will be on the longarm this weekend. 

I'm really doing terrible sitting here decompressing.  I have thoughts bouncing in and out, trying desperately to write them down before they shift away into something else.  My brain is truly at the dining room table, my thoughts are deeply wrapped up with this quilt. Maybe I'll be more successful writing tomorrow... 

today at 1 pm

I'm heading back to the piles of threads and fabrics... 

slower days lately...

You can tell we've passed the summer equinox, I was just out in the garden peaking around to see what might be ready for harvest and it occurred to me that it was still very dark out there. We've started the slide back into the cooler months, the "bers"... frankly I can't wait.  Although I do dislike the darkness in the morning.  

Although you would be hard pressed to convince me that it is just the beginning of August by the wonderful temperatures we've had for two days.  After spending a few weeks in Hell's furnace, I will not only take this unexpected cool down, I will celebrate it! Temps in the sixty's and low seventy's.  Oh yes!  It is well established that I am not a hot weather person.  I love the gardens, I despise the heat. I am not foolish enough to believe that summer has kissed us goodbye.  It will be back twice as strong for many encores.  I am sure of it. 

Yesterday when I woke up, my watch buzzed.  I figured it was just the daily updates, but nope.  Evidently, my fitness watch needed to wish me "Happy Birthday Month".  I can't lie, it made me laugh and set my day off to an amazing start.  I don't celebrate birthday month, but it sure made me smile.  I guess I should be a bit disturbed that my watch is wishing me happy birthday, it's humorous just the same. I mean I definitely still have a few days before I cross that 61 mark.

I've been dancing in the kind of funk lately.  Slightly terrified that all the tick bites earlier in the season have caused a flare up from the Lyme that lives forever in my body or triggered that fibromyalsia that I refuse to acknowledge it came as part of the package deal with the Lyme. I'm willing whatever it is away.  It's not terrible, maybe it's just a seasonal blah... I get those, don't we all.  A point where we just opt out of most things and need rest?  I'm sure it is a deep paranoia, the Lyme was a very dark season in my life, unexpected muscle and headaches and being extra tired are like an immediate red flag.  The fear sets in quickly, very quickly. 

Those darn ticks have definitely stopped our mountain/countryside hikes, they've seemed to not care how much tick spray you apply, they are impervious. Finding so many of those tiny blood suckers was enough to slow me down.  

I will welcome the first freeze, the break in their life cycle. I can't wait to start daily hikes once again. 

In the meantime, I have managed to semi-participate in life.  The lack of energy and or desire to do much has been messing with my spirit.  I look around at everything I either want or need to do, the list is growing.  The energy has been lacking.  It's okay, it's just a season, but it's definitely a slow moving one. 

I finished Hubs' sweater.  I am beyond in love with it.  I tried it on, as he was at work and someone had to do it.  I am fairly certain I will be knitting another one of those before the year is over.  I didn't start it right away, I have the yarn, but I wanted something a bit more portable for my upcoming trip.  Instead, I grabbed a bag I'd tucked away a few years ago... okay probably 8 or 9 years ago, I figure if it's still in the single digits it hasn't been abandoned.  I had already decided whatever was living in that bag, patiently waiting for my attention to return, was going to be completed.  I was happily surprised to find a beautiful yarn that I had long since decided was going to be used for a pair of socks.  I am almost finished with the first one and am I am quickly realizing I will have more than enough yarn to make several pair if I decide to do so. 

As usual my brain is always planning new projects as I work, so needless to say, I have already planned my next project.  I found a beautiful cardigan pattern that combines knit and crochet. Hubs had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, it's coming up ya know, and I told him I wanted something useful. Well, he agreed that I should buy the yarn and pattern to make it.  I've ordered a beautiful brick colored Peruvian wool.  I can't wait to start it. I can't wait for it to arrive and I can show it to you!

I have several quilts I should be working on too.  Like I said, I'm struggling with energy and motivation for much this summer.  I guess it's a season of rest this year, and I am trying to lean into it.  It's hard.  But I feel there is always a reason for things when they occur. 

This is going to be disjointed, sweet Hubs was watching a travel show, I mentioned that I wished they'd choose Crete when they did those shows.  I lived there from 1976 - 1978, I clearly remember it, one of my favorite places in the world.  But none of the PBS specials ever goes there to explore the wonders that I remember so clearly. He decided to search YouTube for Crete.  For a few moments I got to experience today's Crete, so beautiful, a bit too modern and commercial for me. Yet the beauty remains.  What a beautiful distraction.

I guess, I should stop writing.  

I started a batch of yogurt before I started.  The sky is getting lighter and we want to get a walk in with our pups this morning. I am determined to accomplish at least a few productive things today.  My actual to do list (not the want to do list) is long, and my upcoming trip is going to get here way quicker than I realized. I have to prepare for Hubs and the pups to have a successful 8 days while I'm away. Yes they are very spoiled, all three.  I take my role as the family caregiver very seriously. 

Well... I guess I need to get back to life.  Celebrate the gifts, even if it's just an unexpected streak of cool days.

much love, 

b

a new day...

The sunshine rising behind me this morning is a complete lie.  It leads one to believe it is warm and welcoming outside, 16° is hardly warm or welcoming.  I guess we got spoiled by the high sixties that we've been enjoying.  I know I did.  

I developed the habit of taking the pups for a long stroll in the parks, it was inviting.  Now they've developed the habit of taking long strolls and their fur coats keep them nice and comfy, so mom is definitely going to be bundling up.  Especially as the later half of this week promises either rain, snow or ice.  I definitely love walking in the snow, but the other two... well not a fan favorite. 

I can hardly believe how productive the past week has been.  I'm sure some of it was the mental lifting I experienced.  Some was losing the splint on my poor thumb - incredible how freeing that little event was.  And the rest was just a strong desire to become involved in my day to day life again. Waiting for that healing was exhausting and the extra steps to work around it was even worse.  

Today, is going to be another day to catch up on all of the things that have been lingering. Waiting patiently for my attention.  

My broken thumb meant I wasn't able to do the Bonnie Hunter mystery quilt in real time.  That doesn't mean I am not going to do it, just that it isn't going to be "live".  I also signed up for two other mystery quilts.  Thankfully they started this month, so I can get my fabrics picked and my first month of sewing completed before next months clue.  They are both monthly, not weekly.   Sweet Hubs bought me a gift card to my favorite local quilt shop for Christmas, so after I pick from my fabric stash, I can round out the fabrics both quilts at Your Quilt Shop .  I mean a girl needs some kind of reason to go buy fabric that she probably doesn't really need, right??

my original fabric choices for BH

I am also planning to complete all my semi-finished quilts (there are far more than I want to admit) this year.  Done is so much better than perfect and there are some that have been languishing for decades.  I mean my girl is 40, I started one when she was a baby.  Several others were started even further back by my great grandmother.  I definitely do not want to be the third generation that failed to finish them. 

I have 6 batches of soap curing, the cold is keeping them from being ready to unmold just yet.  All together over 3 days, there were a total of 11 body soaps and 1 batch of dish soap made, I felt so productive getting them finished. I put if off for almost a year.  Yet as I was swirling oils and lye, matching mica's and essential oils I felt like a crazy mad scientist - I was in heaven.  Funny how things work out. 

moisturizing avacado bars

calendula cleansing bars

raw shea butter

Lavender and Charcoal

Kokum butter

I'm also going to try my hand at making some lip balms this week. They've been on my list forever, but as usual something else captures my attention and I end up never getting it done.  Ironically, they don't take very long at all to make - same as soap.  I am tired of all the chemicals in my life, and one of my missions this year is to eliminate as many as possible.  Besides, it's simply another skill to add to my life's tool box.  

It definitely feels incredible to feel like me again. I was getting a bit fussy.  Again, some was the stupid thumb issue, but some was finding myself in a bubble of discontent that I hadn't acknowledged.  Sipping my coffee, sitting in the sunshine (false warmth that it is) and just doing life on my terms I can feel my energy and desire to do and be returning.  

play time

I'm still in awe at the effect a small amount of negativity sprinkled on the day can affect everything. It starts to build into an ominous cloud that seems intent on overshadowing everything.  You know it's coming, you start to brace yourself, you start to plan how you will combat it. 

unexpected on Saturday...

Guard yourselves.  Evaluate the energy in your bubble.  Protect your blessings and joy.  

much love, 

b

beginning new journeys?

Last week record breaking heat, this morning possible snow?  Mother nature is definitely having some hormonal shifts. I doubt we will get snow, but at this point nothing surprises me.  I feel like the entire world is under going some kind of change.  At least I don't feel anxious about it any longer. 

Yesterday, as I was doing my odds and ends type chores and settling back into my routine while Hubs was at work, I spent a great deal of time in the silence.  Just thinking. I've just become aware of the terms cottage core and granny core in the past few months.  I am not really up to date on many things, but these two sort of humored me. A lot! 

I guess I have been on the "cutting edge" for a really long time and simply didn't know it.  My social media is filled with people wanting to hone their granny skills.  Wanting to remember and relearn the things that have intentionally been forgotten.  I always just assumed I was born in the wrong era or that I am simply just plain strange.  I have fought hard my whole life to keep the skills that others are chasing.  Who knew?  I mean does that mean my eccentricities are back in style? Does it mean that polyester and leisure suits aren't far behind?  Goodness I hope not!  I am praying that the desire to return to reality is just that a return.  

I am finding it a touch easier to access so many of the things that I never left.  

Modest clothing, and cotton, linen and wool fabrics are just a start.  I mean they are still crazy cost prohibitive, but lets be real do we really want or need disposable fast fashion and all the stuff that fills our closets and homes?  I have clothing I bought when my son was born.  He will soon be 35, I still wear my favorite sweater a couple times a month.  When I bought that beautiful cotton sweater I almost died at the price, I still remember the slight knot in my throat as I paid $35 dollars for it.  Can you imagine the cost today?  Yet here I am still wearing it, it's been mended a few times, I've had to sharpening my skill sets to learn how to mend knitwear so that it is invisible (mostly - I wasn't that good at it in the early days), but I think $1 a year is a fair investment at this point in time. 

Meet Gertrude my 1950 301a

I smile at the questions posed on many of the sewing groups I follow.  People longing to know the best machine they can buy for the craft that they are wanting to pursue.  I feel a profound sadness, in that I used to be one of the people longing for all the technology and doodads on my machines. Feeling it would somehow make the things I created better, fancier.  It didn't.  The machines I used the most are older than my sweet Hubs, and he is almost 74.  I create quilts, home goods, doll clothing, bedding, bags, etc on machines that I can personally disassemble, repair, and rebuild.  There are no fancy stitches, they are not computerized.  They stitch.  Oh I still have my fancy machine - although it is now almost 25 years old, it's tucked away under my sewing table, I rarely pull it out anymore.  In fact, I am probably only holding on to it for nostalgia's sake, I saved a long while to purchase that machine for myself and it was the fanciest and best I had ever owned.  

My sweet 221 also 1950 - meet Mildred

I now own a total of 19 machines and only two of them are under 50 years old.  Crazy isn't it.  If you are looking to hone your granny core or cottage core skill sets, I strongly recommend buying one of the classics.  The ones that have stood the test of time and still make a strong beautiful stitch.  If you need help finding one or fixing it, let me know.  I love to share that kind of knowledge.  I do believe that I will start getting a few of them ready for new homes this year.  Trial and error has taught me which ones I am extremely partial to and which ones I feel comfortable loving and passing off to someone else to cherish.  I am also considering offering sewing classes on my beautiful classic collection.  

one I may part with after I service it

Who knew so many people were missing out on the joy of creating the items for their homes.  Removing home ec (which by the way I despised) was a huge disservice to our younger generations.  The inability to create for, provide for, and sustain your own home and family has created a void.  So many people have lost their independence in a basic way, they are easier to control, manipulate and in my opinion steal from.  

The things we spend our hard earned dollars on are not often in our best interests. They are in the best interests of the people benefitting off of our labor and our dollars. But I digress. 

I am loving watching the return to actual cooking.  There was a time that going out to dinner was a treat.  Something that felt like a reward, a pure joy.  Now it is all bland, finding amazing doesn't happen often and then dealing with the after effects of a meal that you have no idea what was actually in it... mind blowing. 

Hubs and I spent a good part of last year educating ourselves on what is actually in our food.  We both were starting to have some health problems that we wanted to nip in the bud, so to speak.  It takes us hours to grocery shop now, as we read all of the labels, searching for real food.   Each time I am thankful that I have learned how to grow and preserve our own food.  

I am thankful that I am at home and able to make a home for us.  I found a recipe that I wanted to try yesterday, it was a Curry Lentil Stew.  Hubs was definitely not sure about it.  Struggled to wrap his head around those flavors together.  I made it any how.  I mean worse case scenario was we went to the cantry and picked a different meal.  It was wonderful.  I even decided to try my hand at a high protein naan to dip. I felt my naan needed a bit more work, but Hubs felt it was delicious.  Either he was telling a tale to boost my spirits or I am being a bit too judgmental in my expectations. I feel the truth is somewhere in the middle. 

The entire meal was made from whole, natural ingredients.  There were no chemicals, no words that you need a dictionary to look them up.  Just food.  The way it was always intended to be. The thing is these things take time and energy.  Unfortunately, for most of us, when working a 40+ hour work week, that precious commodity doesn't exist. 

I don't need to learn a great many of the skills that I see all these different groups setting intentions to learn this year.  I have spent a lifetime holding on to the threads and honing my skills.  But there are many things that others have perfected that I am still pulling back on.  That I have tried, failed and moved on from.  Some of that failure was linked to the season of my life that I was in, working to much to focus, struggling to keep all the different balls in my world up in the air.  In this season, I am finding myself willing to try again. 

In my past I used to make a lot of my clothing, heck I have sewn wedding dresses, bridesmaids dress and even a flamenco gown.  I do have the basic skill set and knowledge.  It just became easier to lean into fast fashion.  Yup, guilty as charged. But in my desire to eliminate man made plastic based fabrics from my life, I am on the verge of starting to sew clothing again. To help stop the waste that we have contributed to.  

And sour dough will likely be a thing this year, as I work to eliminate the unhealthy big AG stuff they are trying to pass off as food. I usually end up starving the poor thing.  I am also going to work on expanding my knowledge of food preservation to include fermentation.  As I am relearning is vital importance to our gut health.   And eventually, I will start grinding my own grains, because the stuff they are doing to our flour is obscene. 

I was a trail blazer without ever realizing it.  I wasn't odd or trapped in the wrong era.  I was always supposed to remember and strive to continue so that I could help share it with others.  And here's the thing, I have always loved sharing my knowledge and helping others develop the skills to sustain them.  There was simply a time when few were interested. 

They are simply not impressed at all

Please to tell me... are you expanding any of those skill sets that have been gathering dust on the shelves of your mind?  Anyone a master carver?  Basket weaver?  Fabric weaver?  We might need to collaborate.  I long to learn new skills, I also long to share the ones I have.  

Well... almost med time for Beau, which means it is also time for me to start my day, so much I want to do and accomplish... 

much love, 

b

easily distracted...

I'm fairly certain I should never be left to my own devices, especially in a home filled with everything to feed my creative mind. For almost a year, I've been daydreaming about making a lighthouse for my garden beds. The passion developed after seeing the one my daughter had at her lake house.

I used to make garden decorations out of clay pots what seems like a lifetime ago, there are still a few random half painted small ones stuck on shelves. But as usual, I moved on to something else, never quite circling back.  To make things even more enticing, my daughter gave me a box of gardening pots, peeking out of the box were several clay pots.  

For the past few days, I have been completely wrapped up in creating.  Digging out supplies from various spots that I had hidden them. I still needed a few pots and sauces to finish the lighthouse shape, easily solved by a quick trip to the garden center. 

One of my sisters planted an idea in my head yesterday, one that I cannot past.  I am probably going to make a trip to the garden center for a few more pots.  I am not going to be able to get it out of my head if I don't.  I need to make that lighthouse, it needs to leave my mind. 

Glowing in the darkened garden

Puffin Pass sits in the lower garden area

Somehow in the midst of all the painting, I am still keeping up with the gardens, canning, freeze drying, quilting and all the other things that drift in and out of my thoughts and life. 

If you have never made your own maraschino cherries, I'm going to highly recommend it.  I made two types, one with Luxardo liquor, perfect for old fashioned. The majority of the jars are alcohol free, these were made primarily for my sweet dragon. She loves them. 

I am finding myself in such a peaceful space.  I am feeling the world changing all around me. The quiet space I'm creating is calming.  It's peaceful.  

In the cooler early hours the morning, Hubs and I worked on our yard.  Neither of us can handle the extreme heat, so we are thankful that the current heat wave has started to fade.  I managed to get all of the flower beds weeded and Hubs was able to fertilize the yard to help it deal with the extreme heat of summer.  I'm questioning why they even sell fescue in this area, as it is a cool weather grass and our weather is definitely not cool in the summer.  I find I question a lot as I age. 

For years I have ignored our lower yard, I'm fairly sure I have mentioned that.  It just didn't draw me in, it didn't invite me to spend time there, so I never really put energy into it. Each bit I put into it, tempts me to do a bit more.  To create a private small paradise. 

While the creative side of my heart is filled creating this personal space, my mind is filled with something entirely different. 

Lately, probably as a result of watching everything around me, I've been pondering the immense disconnect and lack of true community spirit that seems to be spreading. I am not usually an overly outgoing person, I know that I am completely comfortable alone.  Yet I do enjoy people.  

A neighbor reached out on our neighborhood Facebook page, sharing that she was a widow and newly retired, feeling a bit lost without a support group.  While out of town last summer, I couldn't reach Hubs for hours and the only neighbor I had contact info for was not in town for the day, the stress was incredible.  Yesterday listening to a podcast someone asked a question about what do you do as an "elder orphan". I think it struck me hard, simply because the point was being driven home that we do not have the communities we used to have.  The connections. 

There is something positive to be said about the old fashioned small town mindset.  I grew up on military bases, same kind of mindset. You shared skills, you supported each other, you were there when someone needed something.  No one walked alone.  

In that past few months several of our neighbors have moved (I never even met them), new families have moved in.  The last few I have made it a mission to get to know, even striving to learn and remember names. Baby steps. I am forcing myself to step out of my bubble, to create connections with the people that are in my immediate area.  To support those around me in whatever way I can or feel comfortable with. I'm still basically more comfortable alone. 

I now babysit a pup during the day, so her mommy can go to work without worrying about her being alone. She lives a few doors down. I've helped neighbors with their yard work, Hubs and I have pressure washed driveways and sidewalks.

I don't know why I'm feeling drawn to reach out, but I am.  A couple of our neighbors would like to get together to make fresh pasta and have a dinner together.  I love this idea, strangely.  I feel like many are starting to long for that sense of community.  Maybe we are moving past the closing our doors, putting up barriers?  

Only two are actually mine

For now, I'm going to continue taking small steps.  Creating beauty all around me.  And finding a way to create community.  I feel quite strongly about it.  I don't know why... I just feel very drawn to do it.

What do you think?  Am I losing my mind?  Is the world changing so much that I am grasping at the past or is there actually a need in this crazy world for us to come together, to stop all of the division?

Time to get back to work... I will ponder this later.... besides, I need to paint another lighthouse...

seclusion...

It's just a touch past 8 am... I already feel like I've put in a full day's work.  This heatwave (better known as summer in the mid-west) is in full force.  The humidity is unreal, making it seem far hotter than it really is.  I get up super early all the time, it's who I am.  During the season of ick, better known as summer around these parts it is a pure blessing.  I accomplish all of my outside tasks in the early morning coolness as the sun just starts to lighten the skies.

I have one set of garden beds that are still drinking in the semi-cool water, I'm giving that one a few more minutes than the rest.  My poor hydrangeas are seriously protesting this season, longing for the cool, wetness of spring time.  They are being complete drama queens, laying down each afternoon in complete surrender, offering up their tender leaves to the heat of the afternoon.  Pleading for an extra pitcher of water to quench their dire thirst.  Only to be fresh and beautiful in the morning light. 

Will the pretty blue make it... not this year.

Yesterday was spent in the kitchen, we'd picked up 20 lbs of Georgia peaches and 10 lbs of Washington cherries over the weekend and I needed to process them all. I still have about 5 lbs of peaches to go, but they are destined for a few cobblers and any that are left will be canned or freeze dried to savor later in the year when they are not readily available, we'll be able to open and enjoy a taste of summer.  

I've been experimenting with my freeze dryer, having moved on from making candies for the kiddo's.  Now its fruits and veggies.  I've fallen in love with freeze dried fruits, the intensity of them is unreal.  There is a batch of peaches in there right now, and cherries are on trays in the freezers waiting their turn.  If you have never tried freeze dried cherries, I highly recommend them! I started on the fruit journey a few weeks ago, when my dear friend and I crazily decided to go blueberry picking.  Over 11 pounds of fresh blueberries later, I definitely had to do something before they went bad.  Next I'm hoping to try some veggies, I've heard they are the most delicious chips when done correctly.  True veggie chips... 

This season has brought me another precious surprise, my Rose of Sharon is finally in full bloom again.  As I stood there in the quiet watering it this morning, I was remembering the first time I knew what it's name was and how much I treasure it.  My oldest and closest friend was here for my 50th birthday, and as we stood outside she told me what it was.  The next summer my grandson damaged all of them while trying to remove the honeysuckle that was taking over everything on the hillside.  I feared they would never return.

For years I've had a random bloom here, a random one there, but never a full covering of the beautiful flowers.  This year is different.  This year is brilliant. I just wish I could photograph it for you to enjoy, sadly, there are so many trees behind it that it fades into the background. I would love to have even more of them, anyone ever successfully grown one from seed?

skeeter plant anyone?

chocolate cherry tomatoes
maybe by July 4 

the holy basil is incredible this year
may be able to harvest for teas

I've really been wrapped up in my garden, yard and house this year.  I've felt a strong need to simply be.  I'm not engaging in much.  I'll glance at the news and socials off and on, but mostly I'm not.  I feel like so much is playing out all around us and I don't want to participate. 

Maybe that is selfish, I'm not sure.  Maybe it is more a case of self-preservation. I'm tried of the ugly, the insanity, everywhere.  I hardly go out and about because it is like a blanket over humanity.  I'm tired. 

I took the youngest grand to the pool the other day. I walked in circles in the lazy river, following her ever bobbing head as she stayed just ahead of me, I was subjected to so much taking place all around me. I was stunned.  The conversations, loud and obnoxious were distasteful.  The ugly was strong.  

I watched so many parents/grand parents... who knows maybe babysitters or siblings, show up with kiddo's not much older than our dragon.  They would put their stuff on a chair, tell the kids to go play and sit down with their phones, never once reengaging with their children.  I watched kids longing for attention, doing everything they could to get some.  It was heart breaking. Because when the cute stuff didn't work, they settled for bad and mean, anything to get the person ignoring them to have to engage. 

Waiting in line for her snack, we were forced to listen to a high school boy, intent on "impressing" the bikini clad girl.  The profanity in the midst of all the kids was so intense, he loudly vocalized thoughts on maintaining a job - disheartening, what girls wanted in a guy (he has a lot to learn I'm afraid), how school was a waste of time (hmmmm), and on and on, it was a long wait in the direct sun.  It was so bad that dragon asked to go play in the water nearby and she would come back when I got closer.  

There is just so much that is overwhelming.  I understand that things change, that each generation has to find their own rhythm and make their own rules, but dang... Young man, just showing up and doing as little as possible, is probably not going to move you forward to self sufficiency, especially since you feel that an employer cannot fire you as long as you are simply there.  

I often tell Hubs that it is our generations fault.  He's a boomer, I'm the first of Gen X.  We were the ones with the super strict parents, with good reason, but who can see that as a kid?  We were the original latch key kids, the ones that made our own way, as long as we were home when Dad whistled and those street lights came on. We rebelled, we didn't want that for our kids.  Hmmmm... wondering now if a bit of restraint in that area would have been good.  

a little nap on the ride home...

It all moves in cycles, the weather, growth of people, decline of people, money, economies, governments, education, the list is quite endless.  We are going through a very interesting time.  I'm sure we survive it, I'm sure we find commonalities and the like.  I guess I am becoming an old woman (yikes, I actually had the young kid at the pool tell me I was a senior the other day, I am still over a month from 60 thank you very much). 

For now, I feel strangely drawn to the peace I find in my own little spot in the world. Time with Hubs, chattering about hopes, dreams and plans. Puttering in the gardens, saving seeds for the next season.  Spending hours working on quilts and other art projects, feathering my nest with beauty. Spending time in person or on the phone with dear friends.  My life is full.  I don't need the chaos of the external world.

Before the summer is over, I hope to make a few barn quilts, I want to hang them on my backyard gates.  Slowly but surely we are creating a peaceful, sanctuary/outside living room on the lower patio.  Some of the work will wait until it cools in early fall.  

Now that the grass and flowers are growing where the Bradford pear tree used to stand, it's so enjoyable to sit down there. Once the temperatures chill off a bit, we will build a lattice wall to grow some clematis on. The one thing we've noticed is that in removing the trees we have forsaken a great deal of privacy.  A living wall will be beautiful. I may even paint a few smaller barn quilts to hang on the concrete walls, although I would truly love to paint the walls, the concrete is simply ugly. 

Ahhh... plans. 

Since Hubs is not home for lunch today, I'm going to plant up the planter he just got me and head up to the sewing room for a few hours.  I have a lot I want to accomplish and this brutal heat is definitely leading me inside to hide. 

I hope you are finding the pure beauty in your lives....

love and prayers, b

is it in the DNA?

The rain stopped somewhere in the middle of the night, all that remains is the lingering dampness and the deep dreary cloud cover. The kind that says "maybe I'll downpour, maybe I won't... I'll get back to you on it." It's going to be a slow kind of day today.  The kind of day that beckons you to curl up with a good book or maybe take a nap. A reminder to slow down, to spend time taking care of yourself. Too bad I'm not a fan of napping and I spend far too many lost hours in books and reading. Today for me is a day to sew.

I'd forgotten that I'd promised to remake Hubs' housecoat that I'd made him, I used the wrong pattern at Christmas and it was a bit on the small side.  He wants one that is longer and bigger around, so it is more like a giant blanket than a robe. I have everything I need, I simply forgot to do it.  When a project lingers longer than a week or two, I definitely need a reminder to do it.  By the time he comes home, he will have a comfy, oversized robe to snuggle up in.  Something to protect him from the chill that comes with this much rain and the lingering dampness.

dang that looks long from this angle

I'd started to cut it out yesterday, so I only had a few bits to finish this morning. I'd stopped for several reasons, mostly it was the knowledge that if I put an extension leaf in the table it would be much easier to handle. And I wasn't in the right mindset to tackle that yesterday. At all!

As I was gathering everything up to cut it out, I discovered that my pattern was tattered and needed repair, and while gently pressing and creating the missing pieces I was struggling to understand why I was so reluctant to sew. I love sewing, but my mojo has been missing for over a month now.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. The last time that I had sat down to sew, not helped the Dragon or a quick repair, was the day Beau had his breakthrough seizure. I'm pretty sure on some deep level, I was afraid of a repeat. I can get kind of hung up on things like that.

This morning, as I was gently using my hands to smooth and press the soft layers of flannel together, I found myself lost in thought. Where did this knowledge come from? Heck, where did any of the knowledge of things I seem to simply "know" how to do come from?

Is it passed down from some deep pool of familial DNA? They claim to have proven that every woman born carries the cells of their maternal ancestry. Do those cells also carry the knowledge from generation to generation? I promise you that I did not learn to sewing in Home Economics class. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was shown the basics, but I was not the type of student that had the patience to listen for long. That is still how I function. Let me dig in, don't sit and talk at me. I assure you I will have tuned out in the first 5 minutes. My brain has already started sorting the project out without you.

As I slid the pins in, it seemed like something I have always known. Now, in all fairness I have been sewing - my first love, since I was in school... so we can safely say at least 45 to 50 years (cripes that is terrifying!), but lessons are not something I ever took. I don't have the ability to focus that long.

I don't tend to make clothing any longer, although I am very capable. There was a time I made most of my clothing and my kiddos. But somewhere along the line the cost of the patterns, then the fabrics, sky rocketed. It was no longer the least expensive way to have nice clothing. I have made wedding gowns, bridesmaid dresses, heck I even got coaxed into making a flamenco ball gown once. True fact - I despise working with boning and taffeta fabric. One of my favorite work "suits" from decades ago was made out of a beautiful navy wool. I wore it forever.

Again, as the prices soared and my spare time decreased, I fell into the habit of buying today's disposable clothing. Although, I am that person that keeps things for years and years. I have sweaters older than my children. I will mend and alter something until it barely resembles it's original self.

So lets go back to my original question, where does that almost innate knowledge come from? Are we all born remembering bits and pieces from the past? Do we each receive our own special mix of past knowledge that we are then given free will to do with as we please? Is that why I am drawn to creating? I use so many mediums, and I am never content to stay in one lane. Even now I am fighting an overwhelming (and I believe soon to be lost) battle to build a frame to make rugs out of scraps. Every time I turn around there is another pull to do this.

It doesn't mean I am giving up any of my other passions, just adding to the mix.

Do I have a pool of genes that are causing me to be driven to be self-sufficient? Is that why I do the things I do? Would it be quicker and easier to pick things up at the store. Yup. Of course it would. But where is the satisfaction in that? I don't want to be all the same. I don't want to trust others that my food is safe. I don't want to lose the skills that seem to always be right there when I need them.

I remember the sweet woman that taught me at the farmers market to use a drop spindle. I remember hearing her tell me that I must have been born with the skill as I was a natural. I was surprised at how easily it came to me. I'd always been drawn to it, but had never even attempted it. And there she was, offering to show everyone interested how to use it, how to create with it, right in my path as I was browsing for fresh vegetables. I left with a new spindle and roving, forgetting the veggies altogether.

I have friends and family that are incredible hunters, fishermen/women, their gardens are incredible, they have awesome skills with mechanical things, builders, medicinal, some are naturals with animals, amazing with numbers and math, etc... are those skills that they inherited along the way?

When I was in school I could not have cared less about being there. It wasn't my thing. I wasn't even very social, my "group" of friends was small and most I have long since lost touch with. My mind was a million miles away, except in history or art based classes (those always held my attention) at least until a teacher spent far too much time explaining rules and far too little time doing. If I started doodling, it was a great indication that I had tuned out. I was also that kid that never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Lord almighty more than a few teachers and counselors would make me crazy asking that question.

Me. That is what I wanted to be. Simply me. The person that now, at almost 60, I have become. The person that is free to follow the dozens of ideas that pop into my head on a daily basis. The woman that sees something beautiful and wants to dive in and experiment with the process. The person that has tons of knowledge without understanding the root of it, simply dying to try it all, immediately.

I don't know if I will ever know where the knowledge, ideas and drive comes from, but I am so thankful to possess it. To have been gifted with these treasures.

Thanks for walking in my crazy, random thoughts and questions. I may never be a master at anything I do, but I am so thankful for the journey and opportunity to explore them all. Aren't you glad you aren't my sweet Hubs? The man that feeds my insatiable quest to learn, do and create? He deserves a medal!

my co-conspirator in all I do!

Time to sew, he also needs a nice cozy, custom made robe....

love and peace, b

listening to my heart...

Is it really only 8:17 am?  I feel like it should be just about lunchtime. Barely had a sip of coffee when Hubs needed a hand, so pups got their first Kong of the day and I set about helping. One thing led to another, I am always that way, and before I knew what had happened I was sweeping floors and cutting soap. 

Alpine Frost

The house smells heavenly. There is Alpine Frost, Sea Salt and Lily and of course Eucalyptus and Cotton mixing in with the oranges from the day before.  No matter where you turn is a soft spring like fragrance.  I guess I was in the mood to bring springtime in a bit early. The three batches that I got finished yesterday are lye based, they won't be ready for at least six weeks. It's not like we are anywhere close to being out of soap, yet those tantalizing scents make us want to use it today.  

Eucalyptus & Cotton

We'll have to make due with the Turmeric and Orange, that was what I call a cheater soap, it's melt and pour. I guess it is not really truly a cheater soap, the quality is just as good, it's just too easy.  I feel like I am not giving it my all when I make a melt and pour soap, like I am taking short cuts and looking for the easy way out. 

Eucalyptus & Cotton

Alpine Frost

Sea Salt & Lily

It's going to be a busy day again.  I want to wrap up a few things before the weekend.  Not that we have big plans, but I guess a throw back to a normal work week.  I also want to make a nice dinner to celebrate the ending of a stressful work week. I am going to try my hand at kofta, wish me luck. Middle Eastern foods are not ones that I have dabbled in at all. We both love them, but as I have limited experience cooking them we usually go out to enjoy them. 

I don't know about you, but Hubs and I are both getting a bit weary of going out and being disappointed.  We don't eat out often, it is getting far too expensive and I am home, why not simply cook.  On the few occasions we do go out we ultimately end up sad, with few exceptions.  I mean Hola is always perfect! I've just decided it's time to up my game and learn to make a few more of our favorites at home. 

I was listening to my usual slate of pod-casts and YouTube channels yesterday while making soap and found little to truly be shocked about.  There was an ongoing theme of being prepared, learning to do more for yourselves and of course having faith in God.  While not shocking, given most of the channels are watch and listen to deal with learning new skills and faith. When the first point and the last point collided in the same one program, well that definitely gave me serious goosebumps considering the events of the day before and the fact that I had written about some of those things literally a few hours before I heard the program. 

Those moments of feeling like a pastor is speaking directly to you are a touch unnerving.  Hubs and I had a pastor that we loved listening to a long bit ago, and Hubs would always say "did you notice he was bouncing today?  The spirit grabbed hold of him for sure".  He's since passed away, but many times we both would have goosebumps and feel like we were being spoken directly to. That was my feeling yesterday. And while it made me feel a tad quivery inside, it also gave me confirmation that I was listening with my heart, as I am supposed to. 

Anyone else experienced that?  Not necessarily a pastor, but hearing something and feeling you were meant to hear it? It seems to be happening to me a lot lately.  Or things start showing up that I am pondering.  

For example, I read the packaging of a medication the vet had prescribed for the pups.  I didn't have a good feeling in my heart about it and was more distraught when I read the warning on the packaging from them saying not to give to dogs under 6 months old.  At the time they were only 4 months and had already had two doses of the medication. My heart was screaming at me to do more research to dig in and find out all that I could.  Yet before I even had a chance, so many articles kept popping up in different places of dogs dying suddenly after taking this particular medication or starting to have seizures.  

My heart told me that the medications weren't good for them, then the universe provided the information.  Oddly enough, since I refused to give them any more (yup there is $300 worth of medication sitting on a shelf high up in the pantry) I haven't seen any more articles or stories about it.  I'd read enough.  I think about that often, it was such a powerful feeling. 

Things like that seem to be occurring with startling regularity. Confirmation of feelings and faith. I do find that I live my life in that basis, feeling and faith.  And when I do that, things move smoothly, without fear, frustration or worry. When I don't... well... wheels fall off of buses so to speak. 

I will probably make a few more batches of soap today, not positive.  Hubs has a long series of tests and exams this afternoon and I am not sure if he needs a driver or not.  That will determine how the day will actually progress. I definitely want to get a few more made, I was enjoying being lost in the moment while making my soaps yesterday.  

I'm also going to make the time to prepare a large batch of homemade food for my pups. They have been really pushing back on eating the dried food, and my gut is telling me that it truly isn't the best food to feed them. As they are over a year, I feel comfortable in switching up their feed. If they enjoy it, I will make a larger batch and get it canned up.  I prefer to feed them high quality homemade meals. 

My inner doubting Thomas is feeling very leery of most things I can buy pre-made to make my life easier.  I don't know what a lot of the ingredients are, as I've never encountered them in the natural world.  And that applies to human and pet food.  

Maybe I'm not really lost in the past, maybe I am the way I am to survive this current world.  Maybe the journey is far different than we've been led to believe?

It's time to get with it... 

love and prayers...