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Showing posts from 2015

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It's been a series of foggy mornings.  It eventually burns off, eventually the sun breaks through and it's been crisp and clear.  At least until the sun sets way too early.  I absolutely hate time changes.  I do not like to spring forward, and I hate falling back.  You just get used to one or the other and boom... it's too dark in the morning and even darker at night.

It simply isn't natural!

And I honestly thought last night was going to send me off the deep end.  My body does not accept changes in routine too readily and I worked until 9, on top of a time change.  Whew that drive home was brutal, living 35 minutes from work makes for quite a drive. It normally wouldn't have affected me so much, but that darn time switch.

This morning started fresh and new.  I felt so much better after a nice long nights sleep.  I had a great time working last night, I met so many great folks and had some incredible conversations.  I am looking forward to tonight, who know's…

Time is never wasted

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Sitting here looking at the skyline out of the sixth floor window, definitely is not how I planned the day, but I am grateful for the view.

Here I am 50 years old and I have just been called to my first jury duty.  This room is crazy full, hard to believe that so few will actually be asked to serve on a trial.  I'm kind of ambivalent about it all. I have a crazy amount of work to get accomplished, but by the same token, I would hope that if I ever needed a jury of my peers they would be there for me.

The only true challenge for me is that I do not have the ability to be knitting or even crocheting.  And I feel it is pretty well established that I do not sit still well.  Luckily, I have internet and my chrome book.  So after writing this morning, I am going to spend a bit of time doing the little bit of work I can accomplish from here, and then I guess I will continue to plan my Christmas list if I still have not been called.

This morning as Hubby and I were walking the dog, we wer…

living a life...

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Ugghhhh...

I have had it all visualized for the longest time.  I knew exactly how I wanted it to look, the layout was going to be perfect, I was so excited.  Then this happened...

I know, it looks awesome, right!  And it is not at all what I had planned.  Now I am struggling, because what I had planned looks crowded and just wrong. I know I am replacing the sofa this winter, maybe... hubs wants me to, but it also looks so "right".  It's just not very comfortable anymore.

I spent all day yesterday working on painting furniture.  I have two more pieces to start, I just don't know what I am going to do with the one that was supposed to go where the chair is.




In my haste this morning, I managed to mess up one of the drawers for the dresser, so I am waiting on it to finish curing yet again.






Feeling a bit frustrated.

There is so much that keeps getting pushed back, with Hubs being sick, moving, and simply holding our own, I feel like I am light years behind where I want t…

drifting...

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I think I simply need a minute to rest.  Been working on projects since around 4:30 am.  I have enough to keep me busy for hours, okay maybe months yet.  But for a minute, I want to sip coffee, listen to all the leaf blowers and mowers that are racing to beat the rain that is heading our way.

We've been enjoying a beautiful Indian summer, temperatures have been so mild, a few dips close to freezing, but only a few. Hurricane Patricia slammed into Mexico last night, I am so happy to know it missed major cities, but prayerful for those people in the outlying area's.  It's heading into Texas as a tropical storm, we could see some rain from it. We need it.

Hubs has run up to the store, he needs a simply little part to be able to continue working on cleaning out the garage.  Unbelievably, we managed last weekend to clean out the majority of the garage.  There are two boxes left, they go to my sewing room, I believe we have finally moved into our house!  Hubs is now working on …

If we still had front porches...

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I am dancing down the nostalgia road big time today. Hubby started off my morning with a long hot soak in the tub, listening to "older" country music, the kind that speaks to my very soul. The kind that makes me long for the "good ole days".  Makes me long to slow things down, to have time to linger on the front porch with the neighbors and family. Ironically, none of us have a "front porch" in my neighborhood.  We all have huge decks to hide out behind our homes, but nothing bringing us together.

My Susie Homemaker heart has me making a big pot of turkey, barley and vegetable soup that is simmering on the stove, the aroma is incredible! I have to work late tonight, and frankly, I am incredibly sick of grab and go food!  I long for soup simmering, fresh baked bread that I know the ingredient list of, a sweet treat that I have made myself.  Usually, I go into work super early on my closing days, so that we only make one trip.


Today, I couldn't do it.…

welcome autumn...

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A cup of hot spiced tea, from the recipe we've been making since I was in my early teens (has it really been almost 40 years ago?) is sitting beside me.  The smell of fresh baked cookies is filling the air, the our sweet grand baby needed some, so did Grampa! The smell of fire places burning outside fills the night air.

And after a few really long and stressful weeks, I feel peaceful. I didn't get nearly as much done as I'd planned this weekend.  The exhaustion of the past few weeks has been very pervasive. What I did get done though has been a balm to my battered soul.

I've been slightly anti-social when I haven't been at work, and even then it's been a struggle.  I have felt a strong urge to wrap myself tight in a cocoon.  Not letting anyone but the closest family and friends in.  I have felt overwhelmed and trapped.  It has been very unpleasant.  It's hard to smile when you don't want to.  It's hard to battle an invisible illness, that others ar…

because...

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It's been a minute.... a LONG minute.  Life has been on fire for me for months now.  In fact sitting out here on the deck listening to the random bird chirps, the buzz of who knows what bugs as the sun makes an incredibly slow ascent, is a rarity anymore.  But this is twice this week that I have stolen time out here in the mornings.

The leaves are starting to fall, the unsuccessful "garden" I planted is withering and just about to be ready to put away for the year.  I have a whopping single cherry tomato, that will be ripe in the next day or so.  The rest, well... I've been an amazing steward of the animal population out here in the county.

So much has been happening, so much has been going on.  And I am struggling to put those bits all together to form a life.


The hubs is finally on the mend, I am sure that he would love to be further down the path to recovery.  But when we remember it's not even been a year since the first attempt to "heal" him (or …

An ending... a beginning!

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It's the last eve of my 49th year.  I'm sitting here at the island in my kitchen munching on some sushi from my favorite spot in town. It's fairly quiet in the house, the turtle pump is running, the air conditioner is keeping me from remembering that it's still in the 90's outside, and faintly I hear the television.

I was sitting here surfing the internet... Lord knows I didn't really have time for that either, but I needed a moment to slow down.  Just a final minute or two to savor the moment.

Hubs is at the girl's house. Doing who knows what.  I feel like the greatest conspiracy since who shot Kennedy is unfolding around me.  Strange considering I said I was really great with a simple, quiet, uneventful day.  Something tells me selective hearing has occurred.

It's odd... I don't mind 50.  In fact I think it's kind of cool.  I sure don't feel like I imagined it to be way back when 25 seemed like a death knell and I felt certain that the sa…

A living or a life?

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Dinner is simmering... hopefully Hubs will enjoy it.

I am seriously debating on a glass of wine.

And it's not raining.  Note I said "not" because it's been a very damp summer. And it hasn't even officially started yet.  The weather channel is promising more rain as Tropical storm Bill is heading our way.  My boys are not enjoying the moisture.  And frankly, I am tired of trying to balance an umbrella and hold a leash and bags.  I have resorted to simply going with the soggy look.

Hubs is having a rough one, he pushed a bit too hard yesterday.  I know he's dedicated, and that he want's to accomplish as much as he can in the next 12 days.  But at what price?

I worry that he is causing more damage.  I worry that he can only handle so much pain.  I am terrified that he is going to push himself too hard.

And then I wonder... Do we spend too much time and energy focused on the wrong things? The new doctor won't say how long he will be out, his paperwork …

Washing away our troubles...

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Rain, rain, rain... I would seriously be lying if I said that I didn't absolutely love a rainy summer day.  I guess it has a lot to do with being raised primarily in Germany.  Where the running joke was "quick take a picture before it disappears" whenever you had a fully sunny day.

It calms me, brings balance and serenity to my heart.

Looking out my kitchen window while prepping for Sunday dinner I am in absolute awe of the beauty. When you are in front of my house it is your normal suburban neighborhood cul de sac.  Tidy little homes with beautifully landscaped front lawns.  A group of people that care about how their homes are perceived, people that simply care.

Then you peak out the back window... its a deep, misty rain forest.  Towering trees, flowering ones mixed in. A steamy underside rising as the heat and rain mix.  The green is lush, multi-tone, dark pine greens tempered by the soft spring green of the aspens.  It's rich.  Enveloping, welcoming and forbid…

to do's...

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Listening to the sound to the pressure washer on the siding makes me thankful today.  Hubs is out there trying to beat the heat and also taking advantage of the pain medicine that he's become so dependent on just for a semi-painless day.  Okay who am I kidding just to barely function.

We are both critically aware that we have three weekends to try to accomplish some of the items on our overwhelming to do list.  Too much of it requires both of us, and we are rapidly running out of time for that to happen.

We've been pushing things aside, trying so hard to wait it out.  We are almost at a full year in this beautiful home, and we still have boxes outside waiting to be emptied.  Furniture needing finished and we aren't even going to think about all the other odds and ends that need our attention.

Hubs is trying so hard to help me, and it's tearing at my heart.  I am thankful for the help.  I have desperately needed it.  My own stress level has been getting so out of wha…

Where there is love...

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There is a bright blue sky outside, the moon was still bright white and high in the morning sky when we took the boys for a walk this morning.  It's incredible to be able to enjoy such a pleasant morning in June in the mid-west.  We aren't known for mild this time of year.  It's almost time for the heat and mugginess that we are particularly famous for to start moving in. 
Hubs and I have a busy weekend planned.  Lots to accomplish before the end of the month.  This time around, we know what is waiting for us.  This time around... well... we've got this.
We are getting ready to go down and move my long arm.  I didn't end up liking the original location.  Seems I have a bit of a problem with closed rooms without windows.  Hard to be creative when you are trying not to have a panic attack.  
After that, I have quite a few projects to work on.  Several are due to their future owners this coming week. 
I need this.  Hubs and I both need a bit of normalcy.  Its been out…

down this road we walk...

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Sometimes... life is simply hard.

I feel like Hubs and I have been riding a roller coaster that is out of control.  It doesn't stop, it keeps accelerating up those steep hills, and just when it feels like we can catch our breath, celebrate a victory or two for just a minute...

The bottom falls out and swoosh we are plummeting free fall down into the next valley.   And it feels like a sharper drop each time.

Barely a month ago, it felt like we were literally on top of the world.  Dancing on the mountain tops surrounded by a blanket of stars.  Hubs was feeling better, it seemed like the shot in his back might really be working. Great things were happening for me at work. Years of hard work, dedication and persistence had finally started to pay off.  Hubs was back at work.  And even though the air conditioner was having a personality meltdown and we were so busy we didn't have time to fix it, mother nature was being gentle and kind to us. My knee was feeling stronger.

So many vic…

flashbacks....

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The smells of fresh baked cookies are seeping throughout my slightly warm house.  There are two kinds.  The hubs has requested chocolate chipless and the kids are getting chocolate chip.  Is it too warm to have the oven on?

Of course it is.

Do I care?

Not really.

It's been a crazy busy weekend.  One that I simply stopped participating in yesterday. I was bone weary exhausted and simply couldn't take anymore.  I've been cutting out things, conserving energy.  As the temp rises I always get a bit more tired out than I feel I should be.  Then I remember (like I could ever forget)... May is the anniversary month.  18 years ago a teeny tiny little bug felt it needed a bit of my blood, it wanted to be fair I guess so it left me with a nice dose of Lyme in exchange.

It's something I choose not to allow to control my life and I get a bit cranky when it tries.  Today standing in the kitchen, putting a loaf of rustic bread out to proof for dinner tonight with my girl and her f…

Once in a lifetime...

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I should be up in the dining room having breakfast with everyone else.  Instead, I am sitting here looking at the most beautiful view, reflecting and gathering my thoughts and strength for the day.

The fog is gently rising from the water's surface.  It's still and peaceful.  Every now and again a graceful, lone bird will dash swiftly past the balcony.  I am a lot like that.  I love people, but I am the lone bird.  I would love to be part of the pack, but I am usually the one just sitting off in the distance.  Enjoying those around me, listening and absorbing all I see and hear.  But my innate shyness has never really left me.  I do best in small intimate circles.

Last night, that wasn't an option.  I am still stunned and disbelieving.  I like being the wind beneath others wings... I believe I have told you before I am one odd "Leo"... as I never seek center stage.

If you've been reading my blog for a bit, you probably realize it's that time of year when…