wandering...

Still cold as sin here in the mid-west, can't wait for the warmer weather to stop by and stay.  I am not looking for hot weather, nope, not this girl.  But I definitely want the temps to slide into the 70's and stay there. Although strangely the cold wind feels welcome today.  I'm enjoying the bite against my face, it feels grounding.  In a few hours we will go and join friends to remember a really great human.  Someone that made a serious impact on not only the community he faithfully served, but on everyone blessed to spend time with him. 

I'm struggling with it.  Hard.  He was almost 7 years younger than I am, I shouldn't be going to memorialize him.  Yet, here we are.  Too many are leaving this earth plane way too young.  I feel like every time I blink someone else in the rich and famous column has died suddenly or unexpectedly.  I have far too many friends battling cancers and other illnesses.  This morning I saw a prayer request pop up in our alumni group, I didn't know which classmate was seriously ill, but I stopped to pray just the same. 

A few hours later a dear friend reached out to let me know who it was.  I am sure that most of my classmates don't remember me.  More than likely they remember the guys I dated, the few gals I hung out with.  I wasn't anymore of an extrovert as a younger person than I am now.  In fact, I was probably far less. I remember most of them, some I have to struggle with, but that's just me.  I have never been someone that can remember things easily.  If you are retained we either had an incredible relationship or a devastating one. You impacted my life strongly in any case. Yet when I see a picture or hear a name snippets of my life start to return. 

My friend shared with me that a couple of friends were rallying around and spending time being there with our friend that is sick.  In an odd way that filled my heart with a sense of peace. To know that regardless of time, there were still long time friends that were willing and able to stop their lives for a moment and be present when needed. 

I reached out to the friend needing prayers.  I sent up a few more before I did.  I am sending loving energy and light. I am praying for so many. I'm weary of the death and illnesses that seem to be running rampant.  I'm weary and pained at the number of people hurting. I feel like this road is getting longer and bumpier by the moment. 

We paused for a moment this afternoon, stepped away from the overwhelming feelings. Hubs and I took our babies for a short hike down the road, it's a sunny day, just bitterly cold.  When you are a puppy those things don't matter.  They are exploring their first spring, full of wonder and curiosity. While we were walking and enjoying their adventures, I was looking around myself.  I try to see things through their little eyes.  Watching them cringe a bit when the hawk screeched, seeing their confusion when the woodpecker was pounding away invisibly in the branches above.  The perplexed little looks as the tiny purple butterfly swept past.  Watching them sniffing at everything in sight. Thankful that they missed the little nope rope that was wiggling along the sidewalk - we don't do sticks that wiggle - questioning what it was doing trying to sun itself in the coldness of the day. 

In the midst of all this pain and heartache it was healing to spend time in the sunshine.  To soak in the wonder and remember how trivial we humans are.  To also have that time to reflect, to offer even more prayers and to question the reason for the suffering. 

I pray my classmate hits a turning point and begins to recover quickly.  I am one of those crazy people that will encourage the power of positive self-thoughts, I am hope he is focusing all his energy on healing his body.  On overcoming the illnesses and challenges that are part of his current reality.  I will light a healing candle and meditate on him before going to sleep tonight.  

I have friends struggling to shake illnesses of all kinds.  Others recovering from major surgeries.  It's just so much lately. 

I'm thankful for the happy smiling pictures of my great nephew, he's having a tough go of it right now.  Can you imagine the heartache for his parents that they are currently unable to lift up their baby and hold and comfort him?  I can't.  Yet every picture I see, his sweet eyes are sparkling and he has a huge smile on his face. He's a little guy in a rough way, but he is spreading hope and light to everyone around him. 

Life is tough lately folks. As we struggle through all of the challenges, I hope that I am able to offer comfort and hope to those around me.

Well... I've got to go and get ready to go and celebrate a life well lived and ended far too soon! 

love and peace...

no rest...

So very tired... Already 9 hours into this day, I am not so sure I will be up for another 9 hours, or heck even 7 at this point in time feels excessive.  The Pups went to sleep at 7 pm last night, momma was not that smart and didn't.  So when the wildebeests called at 3 am, it was a super short night, not for them, but for momma.  

Add to that like the unintelligent person that I am, after freezing to walk them, I didn't go back to sleep when they did, I started working on a special project.  I'm bouncing between naps trying to get the project finished.  I think I only need one more nap or Dad to come home and entertain babies to be able to finish it today, I'm crazy excited about it. Sitting in my sewing room creating is one of my happy places. 

The babies are definitely figuring out that they love their humans to spend lots of quality time playing with them.  They make me laugh, they each have their own toys, but just like babies want the same exact ones, doesn't matter that theirs is the exact same one.  I have spent several hours sitting on the floor with puppies laying over my legs gnawing on their teething bones.  Every so often one will roll over and give me their belly to rub, even my little girl is getting used to that.  Guess she's decided dominance isn't the only thing she has going for her. 

Yesterday we went for several walks, they loved it.  Today, it's so cold that none of us wants to wander out for long.  The wind is blowing something crazy also.  It's strange and lovely at the same time.  My wind-chimes are playing beautiful music.  The kind that soothes the soul, the trees out back are dancing like crazy and everything is sparkling in the sunshine. We don't often get winds as strong as the past two days though, so it's odd. 

As tired as I am, today was probably not the ideal day for my new laptop to come in, I knew I wouldn't have the patience to wait for a better day.  For the first time in close to a decade I purchased a true laptop, needed it for my Cricut, I have used a Chromebook forever in my personal life.  I don't believe I have ever made it a secret that I despise new technology.  I don't have the patience to deal with it, I like the tried and true, I want simple.  Again, I am simply not using my head today and sure enough I set that thing up.  I am struggling to adjust to the keyboard, can't find a darn thing, and well... not having fun.  I set it aside, Hubs can do whatever with it when he gets home.  That's his thing, not mine. Yes I totally want to play with my Cricut, no I don't want to set up a new computer.  YUCK!

My babies are asleep on the sofa again, so I am going to shift them to their kennels and go work on my special project again.  I can't wait to see it completed. When Dad get's home we are going to take our week 4 picture, although I can't really hold both of the babies at the same time now.  They are simply too big. Soon I am not sure I will be able to hold them at all.  They might be a tad bigger than we thought, his feet are getting awfully big and her legs are getting longer by the day. It cracks me up, definitely not identical twins, but definitely siblings. 

love and peace... 

early morning ramblings...

This morning found Hubs and I enjoying our morning coffee under the blanket of a dark cloudy sky in the treetop garden.  We'd both slept our fill and already had our morning walk.  I am so thankful that he is patient enough to walk the slow, not quite a mile, shuffle that I call a walk. 

Our neighborhood is full of small hills and inclines, I simply can't go fast or far.  Yet he willingly strolls along with me.  Encouraging me when I don't feel like taking those steps in the morning. Because truthfully, there are mornings that I would rather sit in my jammies and not even consider the good it will do me to make that walk. 

As the weather is being a bit indecisive my body is struggling to adjust.  Is it fall? Is it summer?  I have my fibromyalsia under control, it doesn't beat me up like it used to during these seasonal shifts, although I do struggle a bit with being tired, and it does seem to bite into my motivation to move.  He fills in the gap and becomes my motivation.  I appreciate that so much. 

There were no sunrises to chase today as the cloud cover is deep and heavy, instead of brilliant colors it simply shifted to a lighter shade of gray. You know it's daytime, but it isn't going to give you anymore than what you are getting.  Rain is forecast, but I am not holding out much hope, we've had a very dry year and each time it's been forecast for an all day soaking we get a few hours at best. Frankly, we need some serious rain.  Our rivers are all so dry that sandbars stretch nearly across the surfaces. Creeks are bone dry and lakes are super low. The news isn't saying it (surprise, surprise), but it definitely looks drought like wherever you look. 

I love rain.  So my fingers are crossed for some nice heavy rains today.  We'll see. 

I need to lay some knit work out to block, getting presents ready for the holidays, I have my mats ready and everything... I just don't know where to put them.  I usually lay them on the floor in the sitting room, lots of space that isn't going to be in anyone's way. My challenge is that I'm just not sure how to go about doing it. I'm afraid if I manage to get down on the ground, I won't be able to get back up.  Learning the new way things work is unnerving.  I think I might put them on the kitchen island.  Then I don't have to figure out if that is something I am able to do or not.  Yep, I am willing to cut the corners on this one and to be inconvenienced. I don't know how my new knee will behave in this situation, nor do I know if I will be pushing it to do so.  Ugghhh, I hate the unknown in cases like this. 

I also hate not being sure of myself and my abilities.  I am definitely a stubborn person.  I like knowing my limits and boundaries and the results if I push those.  Because truth of the matter I am going to push.  It's probably a good thing I didn't have these reasoning abilities as a baby, I would have never learned how to walk.  It's a blessing and a curse. 

The other day I was listening to the description of people born during a mercury retrograde, the whole time the woman was speaking I felt like she was describing me completely.  The good, bad and ugly all felt like a perfect description, so I decided to dig in and investigate, was I born during a retrograde?  Could that be why they don't seem to impact me as strongly as they impact others?  Sure enough, I'm a retrograde baby.  It completely explains my approach to life, I am an over-thinker, my filters are strong, I am always weighing both sides of the issue and it takes me quite some time to make major decisions. Anyone that has known me since youth, knows that I am not the most outgoing person and I do not make friends easily (although once you are my friend it is forever).  

I know that not everyone believes in astrology, that it doesn't align with most people's religious beliefs. I follow many different ideals and ideas. It makes a great deal of sense to me, especially when things like this come to light.  

I'm sure at another point in time, I would have been one of the heretics burned at the stake. Not because I don't believe in God, because that is something I most definitely believe in.  But more so because I won't be told what to believe.  I will follow many different paths of learning and study, I will keep my mind open.  And if you tell me I must or else.  Well... my stubborn, bullheadedness kicks in and I will always choose the "or else" path.  I am not easily swayed into a herd mentality, I am always questioning.

I have no idea how I wandered down this path today.  Normally, I have a thought in my mind that is solid and wants to be followed when I sit down to write, today... I've almost deleted this about a dozen times.  It feels rambling and unclear.  And at the same time, it feels that it needed to be written.  

Our little planet is going through some serious changes.  I firmly feel there is a battle between good and evil, light and dark going on.  I equally believe that good wins, that we truly are experiencing the dawning of a new age.  I also feel that it is going to be painful and ugly and that we are experiencing that in many ways.  My hope is that all of us will search our souls and reach deep inside for our own good.  That we will remember that each soul chose to be here at this time and for this time.  That love and compassion have to rule the day.  And that it is critical that we open our eyes, reclaim our own minds and remember the journey.  

Each of us is far more powerful than we chose to believe.  We have the ability to change our lives, our health, our communities, our world.  We just have to stop listening to those that tell us we can't.  We have to stop listening to the noise meant to prevent us from being awake to our own personal power. 

Wow, not sure how I wandered down that road... but well... I did... I guess it's time for me to start pushing a few of my boundaries and trying new stuff. Please remember to spend a bit of time each day listing all of the things you are grateful for, when you do so you are letting the universe know you are ready for more of the good stuff!

love and peace...