hello anxiety...

Monday sure came in with a bang.  Hubs' appointment went good, we guess.  It will be a few weeks before we know if it was successful.  It definitely didn't go as smooth as we thought.  The two hour total procedure ended up being a lot more like 6, but the procedure itself was quick.  Waiting for an actual operating room when the original equipment didn't want to work, changed the timeline of everything.  

I'm crazy thankful for my dear friend, she gave up a chunk of her day to stay with the Pups.  Originally, it was only going to be for medicine hour, but because Sir Beau was in rare form she stayed to make sure he was okay.  He was fine, he was simply being his usual spoiled self and giving her a minor heart attack along with a solid aerobic workout moving from floor to floor and leaving her to play hide and seek. 

Thankfully, Belle minded her guest manners... or it would have been total chaos. 

As I hung out in the tiny pre/post procedure room I struggled to keep myself entertained and active.  There is only so much you can do in a space roughly 8 ft square. Painted in that old hospital classic, super light green color to top it off.  The sunshine outside was teasing through the glazed windows, hinting of the beauty just out of reach. 

As I had plenty of time to kill, I decided to try some chair yoga.  Interesting.  Unsure if I like it or not.  I know there are many yoga poses a fake knee prevents me from doing, but I am not sure the modifications were really for me. 

I ended up doing QiGong afterwards, I really enjoy that.  Then I paced, updated my calendar, read my book, read up about Belle's injury and the surgery/recovery involved,  scheduled her surgery,  laughed on the phone with my friend about Beau's mischief and waited... It felt like the time was moving backwards.  

Just as suddenly it was over.  The doc came in told me he'd done great, they were waking him up and what to watch for over the next few days. 

In a few short weeks we will take him for the last of the series of injections/laser treatments and with any luck before his birthday rolls around he will be out of pain for the first time in many months.  

It was difficult emotionally for me to schedule Belle.  It's not the financial piece, although whew - that is a bit of change, no that never figured in to it.  What was and still is difficult is knowing the journey we are about to embark on.  For at least 4 weeks she will be on strict lock down, no walks, no playing, nothing but restrained rest and very short potty breaks.  We've opted out of a full kennel, because our freedom loving baby would lose her mind. But she will be in a very confined area, with one of us near her at all times. How do you explain all of this to a sweet trusting pup?  

Gradually she will get a few more freedoms as she moves through an additional 4 - 8 weeks of recovery and rehabilitation.  Anyone that has spent time with Belle knows that she has more energy and boundless jumping joy in her spirit than a little puppy.  My heart hurts for the confusion she is going to feel. 

I am also afraid of surgeries and major medical procedures as a whole.  Doesn't matter if it is a human or animal, it stresses me terribly.  So of course, I decided to get it all out of the way at once.  On the 31st my little girl dog goes in for surgery in the morning, Hubs has his injections in the afternoon and we pick her up and the world shifts for a few months after his treatment. 

Beau has his one year check up on the 30th.  I am praying his phenol levels are still in the therapeutic range and that is liver levels are still low and safe.  

Hello anxiety, I see you, I feel your presence.

I need a lamb like exit for this month.  The lion has definitely already arrived. 

As we head into these last few weeks of normal, I am spoiling my fur babies, with all the walks and outside that the weather and Belle's leg will allow. I'm still figuring out how I will keep Beau on his health journey through Belle's recovery.  We'll figure it out.  We always do. 

And in the midst of it all we will continue living and loving life, because that is what we do.  As we move from Hubs birthday month to mine, a mere five months, life will be full of navigation points, challenges and healing. 

Anyone else feeling dropped into unknown waters and needing to learn to swim in the new current?

much love, 

b

transitions...

The title is rarely where I start.  Usually thoughts are simply fighting to spill out and somewhere in the midst of the typing and proof reading a title comes together for the jumbled mess. As I was finishing up the ironing this morning, lost deep in a sense of nothingness, my mind feeling strangely calm and uncluttered the word "transition" simply started to creep in.  

I kept hearing it over and over again.  Like I was being led to think about it.  Transition. Transition.

I continued working my way through the task, my mind started thinking it through.  I don't know if we realize how much of an absolute impact it has on everything.  We live our lives in a state of transition.  Moving from one thing to the next, almost like an assembly line. 

Although I am fairly certain it was the bigger transitions that are going on all around me that led my mind down the path it seemed determined to follow. 

I woke up to the news that the Pope had passed away while I slept.  I'm not Catholic, so this news doesn't have much weight on my day to day life.  I hope he receives the reward he has earned.  As I am not of that faith, it is vague to me the impact it has. Yet, it somehow seems like a large transition in a world that is already spinning out of control. 

The entire world is going through a period of massive transition.  Good or bad remains to be seen.  The immediate pulse from it all is chaotic and stressful.  But isn't all change?  This just happens to be on a global scale. 

On the global stage it seems there was an incredible wave of transitions this weekend.  Lots of deaths of leaders or top people in many countries and companies.  The same could be said with some major resignations.  Good or bad?  Again it remains to be seen. 

When I move my thoughts to a smaller more intimate space full of family, friends, and acquaintances the level of transitions is just as powerful, even if the circle the ripples impact is smaller.   There have been births, life altering illnesses, losses of careers, beginnings of new ones, relationships ending, relationships starting.  People are moving and starting different stages of their lives, others are contemplating it.  Young adults are stepping out on their own, while some are returning to the safety of their parents nests. 

All transitions seem to come with some degree of chaos, uncertainty, a bit of loss, a bit of hopefulness.  Sometimes those transitions are traumatic and sudden.  Sometimes they happen as smoothly as walking into the next room and starting another "thing". 

The truth seems that all of them have the potential to be good or tragic.  I can't help but feel our reaction to it is what forms the result. 

When my career ended, almost four years ago.  That was a major transition.  I was full of fear and doubt for years leading up to it.  Ultimately, it has led to such an amazing shift our lives.  Hubs and I are happier than ever, we have balance, peace and calm in our world.  So much that was missing, returned.  It actually returned ten fold.  At the time, I had doubts, fear, anger and so much mistrust. This side of the coin, I have absolutely nothing but pure gratitude.  I don't dwell in regrets, there is no ill will.  I guess there could have been. 

I felt the same way when my first marriage ended abruptly.  In fact looking back at my life's journey, there were many transitions that appeared to be horrible, life altering changes that I absolutely didn't or couldn't face or make on my own.  And then life did as it always does and made the u-turn for me.  I choose to believe that God redirected my path each time.  That is what my heart tells me.  He turned me away from self-destructive paths and put my feet on the one I needed to follow.  

Each time, the reward ended up being far greater than what was left behind.  And it wasn't that the path left behind was devastating, horrible, life threatening or any of those things.  It was simply not my path. I hold nothing but love and gratitude for the lessons learned on those paths.  For the people that were part of those journeys. 

I know that not everyone believes in God and that is okay.  Maybe you believe in the universe or a divine power (who knows maybe God is just the name we humans have assigned to that power), goodness knows I have no idea.  It is just how I choose to think.  But something is definitely driving all of these transitions, something is always trying to correct our path., to give us the lessons we need to learn.  At least that is my belief. 

I think the problems usually arise when we as mere mortal humans decide we know everything.  When our free will gets in the way of the flow we are part of.  When other humans decide to inflict their will on us, to push us a direction we are not meant to go.  

I don't know.  I'm not a philosopher, I have no background in theology (nor any desire to), I am merely a human trying to navigate this experience called life.  Sometimes it feels huge and unruly, sometimes calm and serene.  Most of the time it just feels like a bumpy dirt road.  The kind that kicks up dust and makes a minor mess in the process. 

The storms that blew threw last night were violent.  The rain coming down was heavy and harsh.  Pretty sure a lot of my seeds were washed away.  Those that weren't will be stronger for the lesson of surviving the storm.  They also felt affirming, like they were trying to wash away some of the ugly that is going on. 

Who knows.  I sure don't.  All I know is by typing this out, the word has quit echoing in my head.  Maybe there is a bread crumb or two in this ramble that someone needed.  Maybe I needed it? 

Since it's silenced and I feel a deep calm.  I guess it's time to get busy.  Dry my hair and dig into the things that bring me joy and peace....

love and prayers... b

seasons...

I've just spent the last two hours preparing all of the flowers we foraged this morning to make jellies.  Red bud and dandelion are sitting on the counter steeping their goodness out. Our backs got tired so I will gather more dandelions later to make tinctures with.  Not only our backs, but my thumb is numb from pinching each of those buds to remove the green.   Pretty sure it will be days before I get rid of the slight green brown tint to my fingers and nails. 

Winter is just a restful time.  I can easily slip into creating and the non-backbreaking tasks of the year.  Springtime comes back with a vengeance. Hours were spent on Friday, rushing to beat the sunset, weeding, working in the flower beds, over seeding where the tree was, cutting back overgrowth. Only to be followed up with foraging early today.

I cherish this time of year. Although right now, I am touch envious of Hubs' nap and feel like I should have made the same decision.  I am a bit weary today.  Hours of manual work and little sleep sure do add up fast to a lack of energy.  I'm sure the sunshine on my face from the past few hours out on the deck have added to the desire to snuggle up and nap.  

As I was sitting out there and thinking I was processing so many things. My walk as a Christian for starters, things we've been taught our entire lives, watching the various "attacks" on Christians and the varying levels of truly following the Bible.  I've never been a big doctrine or religion person. I've always felt like it was mans attempt to rewrite God's will.  Adding their own spin on what is written. Sort of like a twisted version of telephone like we played as kids. Rarely did the message come through the same as it started. 

Shoot it was even happening in Jesus' time, check out the pharisees if you really want to see that there is nothing new under the sun. In this time it feels just as great as it has at many turning points in history.  I am well aware that man has had immense influence on the writing and books contained in the Bible, I am sadly aware that we may never know what has been held back from us or why.  If I had to guess... I'm gonna have to go with control.  

That being said, I will use discernment, research discrepancies and lean into those with far greater knowledge than my own. 

As the wind blew, the sun warmed my face and the clouds danced past above me, I found myself humbled that God is in control and that Jesus was the lamb that paid the price and gave us the gift of forgiveness. 

This week is going to be a busy one.  Getting caught up on chores, getting ready to celebrate my sweet Hubs.  Hard to believe he is going to be 72 years young in a week.  We are still trying to decide if we want to travel to see the eclipse or be satisfied with the 80% we are supposed to see here at home.  We keep toying with the idea.  The 2017 eclipse was incredible and watching it from our back yard was definitely a once in a lifetime joy.  

The more we think about it, the less inclined we are to travel for it.  Traffic could be terrible.  If you've never been stuck in traffic on I-55 suffice it to say wisdom tooth extraction would be less painful.  We're about 90 minutes outside of totality, that could translate into hours of traffic to watch a 3 to 4 minute spectacle. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but people are getting crazy lately.  Every trip, even to the grocery store is anxiety inducing. Add to that the added mystery of NASA sending up 3 rockets, CERN being started up on that day, and the "devil" comet making an appearance. I'm thinking folks could be just a touch edgy, what do you think?

We have started to honor the Sabbath, meaning sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday has become a special time. We have listened to incredible lessons and spent intentional time studying. It's quieter and less stressful.  I am finding a sense of peace edging in that has long since felt missing.  It used to be that we were always rushing about on the weekend.  Struggling to feel we had rested at all.  We are shifting priorities, changing times, or simply eliminating things that no longer fit. 

This is a different path for us.  

I just noticed the time.  I guess I need to take my grubby fingers (dandelions sure can stain) and get with it.  I need to figure out how hungry Hubs is and what he would like for dinner.   

what is going on?

Folks... I am not sure what is going on.  It is well known that I don't join things, I stay very much to myself, I have long since stopped volunteering and I definitely don't entertain.  None of those things describes me in the least.  Since I've become a homemaker, I am usually quite content to live in my quiet, peaceful bubble and let the chaos of the world drift past. 

I rarely find myself even seeking out others, much less agreeing to lead groups.  What is going on? Am I losing my mind?  I mean seriously in the past two weeks I have agreed to do things that are completely on the outside of my comfort zone and I've done so with a grateful and joyous heart. 

I am finding myself looking forward to these opportunities.  Heck, I even suggested to Hubs that we have friends over for dinner tonight.  Quick, someone needs to get a thermometer, I must have a fever or something.  He is the outgoing, social human in this family.  I am not. Yet, here I am filling out our calendar with social events, volunteering for church events, signing us up to vend at craft shows.  What in the blazes is going on?  

On Sunday our pastor led an incredible prayer for married couples.  It was exactly what my heart needed in that moment.  Hubs and I are sneaking up on our 20th anniversary.  If you know the back stories, you know that many said we would never get there.  We knew otherwise and those naysayers will definitely have to eat their words. 

My best friend, my heart ❤

We've toyed with many different ways to celebrate it.  Hubs would like something far more social than I want (again remember I am not the outgoing one in the family).  I think we have come to a happy medium, something that fills both of our hearts.  The journey to this special place in time has had a few lumps, bumps and bruises.  Nothing that prayer and faith couldn't smooth out and heal.  

As pastor led this prayer, I found tears of pure happiness trying to sneak out of my eyes.  I am blessed, I know I am blessed and to have that special moment unexpectedly at time, is indescribable.  I know I keep saying this, maybe I am a broken record.  I feel strongly that God led me to our church, in the same way that I feel God brought me to Hubs.  Each time I have said "I can't", God has said "I can".  

I am finding such an amazing and diverse group of friendships in our church family.  People that I not only want to be around, but will find ways to be around.  I am finding inspiration that carries me through the week, I want to read deeper, I want to understand the message. I find myself trying to remember the praise worship songs and humming them throughout the week. I look forward to being a part of something far greater than myself and my quiet bubble. 

Saturday will find me not only volunteering to help at VBS, but heading up a group.  Things that I walked away from a really long time ago.  Instead of anxiety, I am looking forward to it.  I admit, I'm thankful it is only a day, dipping my toe in is more my style than jumping into the deep end of the pool. 

I guess I am being guided to step out of my bubble.  It's all sort of strange and energizing at the same time. But right now, I am being guided to the pet store to pick up the puppies order.  Mom was slacking and there is a strong need for treats. 

Time to pick up the treats and of course people food for dinner... much love and prayers...

adulting...

Ugghhh... today has sure been a lot of adulting before 9 am.  I haven't even been out of bed for three hours yet, but I have scheduled the repair to Hubs' windshield (stupid rocks), declined one fence bid and accepted the other and now I am taking a break from filling out all of the requested forms and paperwork for HOA approval and for permits, helped Hubs gather all the recycling and breaking down boxes and gathering all the trash, voted for trustee and wrote out the thank you card so Hubs could deliver the donation box of treats, on top of the usual walking of the pups for a full mile.  

I am definitely not used to this much adulting. My life doesn't move that way any longer. I usually do not have to think until after the second or third cup of coffee. I do not know how I used to do this kind of stuff before.  

Shortly I will move back into the bubble of dealing with bureaucracy, but for a moment, I am stopping and enjoying my coffee, the bitter cold sunshine and the pups calmness. For a moment.  

My baby "ponies" are definitely growing like little weeds.  Anyone take a guess at their current weights?  Beau is a whopping 31.6 pounds, but the shocker was little Belle, she jumped up to a full 30 pounds.  Vet is still holding steady on his guess that they will be about 60 pounds each and right around knee height.  Totally a normal sized dog for us.  I'm not a big fan of small dogs.  They can officially roam in any puppy parks or playgroups now.  Not sure I am brave enough to do that, but... you simply never know.  I have considered a day of doggy day camp a week for each of them. A chance to get to know other dogs and to interact with different groups.  I would deliberately separate them if I do that.  We also found out that our sweet babies are definitely cutting their big dog teeth. Those little teeth are too precious, rounded not the sharp daggers of puppy-hood. 

sunbathing babies

I'm a bit worried about my little guy as he seems to be having a reaction to the vaccines.  I am not a fan and it bothers me greatly that it isn't something I am allowed to opt out of.  Especially as he is not feeling so good today, it breaks my heart.  And yes I know each of us has our own opinion on vaccinations, I will respect your feelings, please respect mine. Hopefully, he will be up to snuff before too long.  Even little Belle is being fussy, not wanting her brother to snuggle her, which she usually initiates. 

I will just let them rest up today, spoil them a touch and monitor how they are acting and feeling.  I sure hope it doesn't lead to another vet appointment.  Those things are ridiculous and honestly I can understand why our shelters are overflowing.  Puppy shots are EXPENSIVE!  Not to mention the cost for spay/neuter.  If they weren't siblings I am not sure I would be willing to spend that much money.  I am very careful to monitor my babies and I definitely do not allow them to run wild.  Sadly, I am sure there are many that have to opt out of these kind of things or put them through the spay/neuter clinics which aren't "gentle". 

But... I guess that is the way of things lately.  Everything is stupid expensive, because everyone is trying to keep their heads above water. 

Did Dad really get them a replacement 
Lambchop??

Hubs gassed up this morning at Costco, is it sad that we were celebrating $3.89 a gallon? I think it is horribly sad.  I'm also tired of watching people literally belittling and verbally attacking folks for not having electric cars.  No one solution fits everyone. There have been many inventions over the years that could lower gasoline consumption - they have been squashed.  Electric cars all have their drawbacks too.  Distance, charging time, the cost of batteries, the destruction to mine lithium and the fact that electricity is mostly provided by fossil fuel also.  Nothing is 100% perfect, except maybe walking or riding a bike and there are drawbacks there also. 

This morning I was following a news article and the comments and I was dumbfounded by some of the self-righteous folks posting on there.  When do we stop picking sides and bullying?  When do we band together against the cause?  When do we work together to support one another?  What is it going to take to knit us together for the good of humankind?

If you own an electric car right now, so very happy for you.  Even Elon Musk (of Tesla fame) states there are not enough natural resources to produce the number of batteries needed for everyone to convert with the current technology, knowledge and designs. People could feel fussy that maybe you are the ones increasing the cost for household electric (yup that is going through the roof also).  

Of course you aren't but stones can be thrown both directions.  So what if we simply stop throwing stones and start looking for true root causes and real honest to goodness solutions?

I've heard folks saying nothing I can do about it.  I've heard folks say move closer to work or get a different job. There are a myriad of challenges with all of those thoughts.  How long before our shops suffer because folks don't have disposable income.  How do you move when the housing market is so precarious and houses are selling for far more than they were even a year ago.  One down the street from my house just sold for about $100 grand more than it was valued a year ago.  Far smaller than my own home - gee can hardly wait to see what the falsely inflated price does to my own property taxes as my home was valued significantly higher than that one a year ago.  Just the thought makes my head hurt. 

At some point we have to decide to take control of things.  

Sorry, the harm people are doing to one another is getting under my skin.  The only thing that is going to solve anything is love and bonding together to change the vibration and energy flow.  Yet, I still see folks tearing others down to build themselves up.  Ironically the hate spewing person this morning had the screen name Grace.  I mean... grace?  At some point, we all have to give one another a little bit of grace, we have to acknowledge that none of us have all the answers and to be open enough to finding them together. 

Maybe we need to see if some of our neighbors need our support right now.  Maybe they are struggling with these heavy increases in costs, is there something we can do? Maybe offer to pick up someones stuff while you are out?  I don't know.  Like I said, I don't have any more answers than anyone else does, but I am praying that we eventually find those answers and that we work together to get to the next stage. 

I don't have a ton of money, but I have a ton of heart and goodwill.  If I can help, please reach out to me, please let me know that you need assistance and if I can, I will completely be there and do it.  If not, I will sure help you brainstorm for a solution. 

destruction of Lambchop #2
it didn't stand a chance

Well... I'm tired of wandering through these thoughts.  It's now time to chop wood and carry water so to speak.  There is another snow watch moving in - of course my baby girl's birthday is tomorrow, why wouldn't it... so I want to make sure everything is prepared before it happens - fingers crossed for it to mosey on by.  I am tired of winter and eager for spring to arrive!

patience...

Want to know what I find to be an amazing start to the day?  A nice long walk along the river with my Hubs and babies as the sun is rising over the horizon.  It was 57° to start the day, perfect strolling temperature.  It was our longest walk to date, and we were virtually by ourselves, everything I love! My little Beau got a bit tired and needed a stop and cuddles before continuing.  Belle was her usual boundless energy.  And poor Hubs was probably tired of all of us.  He gets up so early, and going to a long walk first thing in the morning is probably not his idea of a good time. Although he was a very good sport about it all. 

We are home now and they are all settling down for their Saturday morning naps.  I am going to enjoy my steamy hot coffee and the peacefulness of the random bird songs.  A bit of time to relax and process all of the things swirling in my head, while I write. 

My card today was "patience" reversed.  Seems about right with my current state of mind.  I have very little patience with anything. I am frustrated at a world that is seeming to move headlong into utter chaos. I am tired of the inflation that people want to whisk away as if the lame explanations really make sense.  I am worn with the lack of thought people are putting into everything going on around them, the fact that common sense seems to be in short supply is mind numbing to me. 

Although what my card was really saying to me is that the universe is opening routes and passages that I haven't thought of yet and that I need to take time to think about alternate ways to reach my ultimate goals. I liked that too.  In fact I liked that a lot more than I liked where my mind originally went. 

Last night we went out for dinner (it was terrible and a huge regret) and on the way home I noticed that gas had jumped up to $3.75 a gallon at the corner station.  Just the day before it was $3.59 and I was stunned.  It changed our plans for the day.  I am not willing to waste gas just to go for a hike.  Geez! I fear this is only going to get much worse.  I also fear it is for reasons that most are simply too programmed to look for.  

I'm not going down that rabbit hole today, I'm not wading into the insanity of posts I see imploring us to stop complaining about the raising cost of gas and to focus on the people that are in fear of their lives in Ukraine, as that is far more important.  I don't trust the media, I don't trust the narrative.  I am at the point I trust what I can see with my own two eyes.  And frankly, I see a government out of control, I see "price gouging" with the general population being the ones that are suffering. 

Nope... walking away from that one. 

Yesterday was an amazing day in my world.  I had the opportunity to spend quality time not only with Hubs, but also one of my very dearest friends.  There are several around the world that are truly my tribe, I consider them my sisters of the heart.  So spending a quiet lunch at one of our favorite spots talking about all the crazy stuff that we both think and believe was so nurturing.  It is incredible to spend time with people that understand you, that don't look at you like you have lost your mind. Even better when it is spontaneous!

Not only that but I sat with my girl for a bit and chatted about life in general and then just as I sat down to create the invitation/flyer for Hubs' 70th birthday party I was thinking about my boy and how much I have missed him. I don't hear from him much, and boom I got an instant message from him.  How wonderful is that? So I got to spend a few minutes talking with him and I even got an "I love you!".  Top it off with the youngest grand coming over for puppy time and then sending me her own videos. Oh yeah, it was a great day!

As a result of all those conversations, the thoughts whirling in my head and all of the plans I am making, I am literally jittery with ideas.  To the point that I am almost frozen on the moving forward part.  I guess that is what the universe was trying to tell me this morning.  To have patience, to move forward, but to look at the bigger picture and opportunities. 

I plan to spend the next few weeks clearing up current projects, cleaning my plate so to speak.  Then... I feel like it is time to start offering classes in various things.  But what?  Where to start?  How to start?  Do I offer sewing classes?  Or am I too hung up on trying to remember everything my home Ec teachers taught me? Instead of following the stuff I have been doing for a lifetime - successfully I might add. Maybe basic quilting?  Soap making, I don't make the fancy stuff - I can - but why?  I am a country girl at heart and I want functional over fancy. Knitting, crocheting... I am definitely proficient in those areas too. Maybe offering cooking, canning, oh my the list is deep.  I don't proclaim to be an expert level at most things, I do proclaim to be very proficient.  I have the ability to start people on journeys, to let them get their toes wet and see if it is something they can fall in love with. Or maybe it is just enough to start building their own skills. 

For example, it's almost time for the Redbuds to blossom, which translates into jellies and syrups.  Maybe I develop a basic home skills course? I mean it could be fun to help others learn some basic foraging and creating from what you forage kind of thing. I am a strong proponent of having the basic structure to create and then letting creativity blossom.  I don't like to follow "rules" all too often I have found that the only good thing about rules is that they are meant to be broken.  

Teach me the basics, explain the whys of home something happens and then I want to create magic, by going my own way. 

While all of these things are bubbling in my head and my heart, I am also focusing on returning to basics myself.  Several friends now have been tackling making their own dog food.  Honestly, I am longing to get back into that myself.  The pups are not excited about their food and I am not excited about the cost to feed them mediocre meals.  I stumbled on a veterinary site that actually supports and encourages that and provided me with lists of things to be able to make their meals.  So that is moving on to the agenda.  If they love it, canned food delivery will be cancelled.

I am also getting ready to order my fence.  I've lived here 8 years this summer, and we have definitely thought about fencing the usable portion of our yard, many times. But the boys were too senior to climb all of the stairs or go up and down the hillside safely and we don't have much of our yard that is flat and easily accessible.  But puppies change everything.  They are full of energy and love to be moving.  None of the previous concerns are valid so... fence time it is.  Ironically, I am now thinking of ways that I can create edible landscaping to put around it.  

I know Hubs isn't a fan of my idea about blueberries, not because he doesn't like them, but because he is sure the critters will eat all of them.  I don't disagree initially, but I do believe if I plant the right types and do my homework they could be a beautiful and productive addition to my landscaping. I am also considering a bit more combining edible flowers and plants to my front beds and finally doing something with the pathetic sides of my house. Trying to determine what areas get the most sun and planting a host of bright cheery sunflowers - that would be two fold.  One for seeds the other because well I LOVE the beauty of sunflowers. 

Like I said a multitude of ideas that are becoming more and more relevant by the day.  Did you hear about the farmer on the main stream news that was saying he easily sees the average grocery bills per month going as high as $1,000 per month because of the costs being pushed onto all of us and the devaluation of our dollar.  

Honestly, folks need to wake up, they need to realize this is the same crap that happened in Germany after WWI that lead to WWII, that it is planned and it is being orchestrated for the rich to get richer and the poor to move further down the food chain if not dying out of lack. 

I don't have answers, but I am not about to give up on planning for a better future for me and my family and my tribe. 

I am completely open for suggestions and ideas... am I off my rocker?  Or is there truly a need for some of the skills that I can help people learn?  Can we create a network of urban homesteads that are able to provide during hard times?

Okay... well, while I leave you scratching your heads and questioning if I need "professional" help I am going to get started on my day.  I have much to do, and I have decided that I am going to stay busy working on things, ya know, just in case. 

love and peace... 

 

thankful...

The steady rhythm of the rain pounding on the chimney cap at 3 am this morning woke me up.  It was so beautiful, we haven't had much rain in a long while, heck even the snow two weeks ago made only a minor difference in the river levels.  I've never seen so many sandbars in our rivers, normally they are mostly at flood stage except in late summer.  I was thankful to hear the sound of it.  It was heavy and pounding, I could simply imagine the rivers soaking up those rains, filling their basins, in my minds eye I could imagine the dry beds drinking it up and feeling refreshed. 

We'd gone to bed super early last night, both of us were tired, heck even the pups were tired they went into their kennels on their own at 7 pm.  So I don't feel tired, although I tried to get back to sleep, I even meditated trying to turn my brain off and put myself back to sleep.  I gave up almost an hour ago.  Decided it was time to start the day.  

I have a lot to accomplish today, we are heading for a short trip after lunch tomorrow and I would love to have my to do list wiped out before we go.  There is something so refreshing about coming home to a fresh house.  Where the beds are fresh, the laundry is completely caught up, floor are all mopped and carpets are all vacuumed and extracted.  It just feels nice.  I also need to do the packing thing and figuring out how to travel with pups.

That is going to be quite an experience, it's their first long, away from home trip.  We bought travel kennels for each of them, as their normal ones don't fit in my car.  I will need to be sure to pack lots of toys and treato's, these babies definitely love their treato's.  They are used to being in the car so I think they will do just fine.  We take them for lots of adventures. But I'm definitely keeping my fingers crossed and saying a few extra prayers for a peaceful, uneventful adventure. 

We were hoping to meet our great nephew this trip, but he is in the hospital with a cold.  For most of us a cold is simply nothing to worry about, but when you have half a heart, a cold is a pretty big issue. In fact it can be life threatening without proper care.  I'm worried about his family, I imagine that even knowing he is getting top-notch care there is still so much angst and anxiety.  They are being wrapped in love and prayers, I hope they feel it.  Hubs and I are perfectly okay waiting until the perfect time to meet him, although the wait is bittersweet. We simply want the very best for him, I will admit to being a touch jealous of my mom and sister as they got to meet him already.  I am living vicariously looking at the pictures of them holding him.  Their smiles say it all. 

If you pray, they could use the extra prayers, if you believe in healing vibes, energy or whatever... please we are asking for you to lift them up and send them everything. 

It's time to get busy with my to do list, I'd like to get as much accomplished as I can before the pups vet appointment this morning and the snow that is predicted this afternoon. 

love and peace...

walking in sunshine...

The best way to tackle a day of anxiety?  Get out in the sunshine.  Even if it is cold sunshine, just get out there. After Hubs and the babies had their early morning nap we headed up the river road.  Hubs had initially said we weren't going to go because he was so very tired.  He felt refreshed after getting a few more hours of sleep so we loaded our terror tots and headed out the door.  

Both of us love the River Road and were hoping to see some eagles as this is prime eagle watching time.  If I needed a reminder that it is bitter cold outside most days the river definitely provided it.  It is so frozen leading up the the locks.  We didn't go past there to see if it was also frozen further south of the locks, we didn't have a great deal of time.  It was so hauntingly beautiful, you could see where it was broken and frozen a few times over.  And there was a single spot in a miles long stretch that wasn't frozen. It was a like a mosaic of different thicknesses of blues and bright white tiles laid out and glistening in the radiance of the sunshine.  Oddly the river just a couple miles west wasn't frozen at all. 

We had originally planned to go to Pere Marquette Park and take the babies walking there, there are so many walking trails and it is one of my absolutely favorite happy places. A friend text just as we were heading out to join him and his wife for dinner, as we so enjoy time with them we modified our plans and only went just past Alton.  We stopped at a little park along the river and took them walking.  

scavenging for treasures, a stick, a leaf
they don't care. 

I think we only saw a single eagle, so we will go again.  It's breathtaking to watch when the skies are filled with them, swooping off the bluffs and down to the river in search of a tasty snack to feed their families. I don't think we will go next weekend as the weather is projected to turn a bit on the beyond bitter cold by Friday and on the river that is magnified so much.  I can't believe we are already heading straight into February.  It feels like we just started January, I tell you time is definitely flying past at an almost obscene speed. 

All tuckered out after their walk

Are we there yet Mom?

The time spent walking in the sunshine definitely shifted my mood for the better.  I felt alive and vibrant, I needed it.  I spent time looking at the beautiful sun and enjoying the rays on my face.  The pups spent time exploring the new surroundings.  Belle snagged a tuft of fur and was proud of herself, until we made her drop it.  She wasn't pleased at all with that outcome.  I will admit to being very repulsed by the hollowed out carcasses of two deer in a very short stretch.  Pretty sure that was were the beautiful white fur Belle found had come from.  

I was deeply saddened by the amount of trash on the trail and sides of the road.  Talk about being dragged back into that dark place from earlier.  Fast food wrappers, alcohol bottles, all kinds of random garbage, no doubt thrown from the passing cars.  As that stretch of path is right alongside the river road, and people are pure idiots on that road. Instead of savoring the beauty that surrounds them they are drag racing, revving their motors and practicing burn outs.  It's really sad. I would have picked a lot of it up if I wasn't trying to make sure my puppies weren't in harms way and I'd have had gloves and a bag to put it in.  

If you need an emotional pick me up, a way to beat away the blahs, I highly recommend getting out into nature, connecting with the earth.  It is such an incredible anti-depressant.  You forget everything that is bringing you spirit down and your bucket is filled with joy. We will probably find time to take a nice long walk or two today as the weather will be similar to yesterday, we won't go as far away because I am going to run a long errand with my girl today.  I have a couple of places closer to home that I am considering for our adventures.  Places devoid of much human interaction and plenty of connection to mother nature.  

Can you believe how big they have gotten?

Tomorrow will definitely involve an adventure for me and the babies as it is going to be almost 50 degrees. A chance to enjoy all the good stuff before the cold moves in the next few days.  There won't be much walking outside then. As wintry mix usually means ice and this girl is still a bit too terrified of ice to be okay with long walks on it. We'll save that experience for next year. 

Well babies are napping and I am ready for another cup of coffee and maybe a few moments of knitting before this day gets rolling... love and peace everyone

comparisons...

My babies are snuggled up to one another sound asleep on the pillow, they are both a bit traumatized this morning.  They had their first bath/shower. Truthfully, they both did excellent.  Poor Beau has a denser coat, so he doesn't dry nearly as quickly as Belle, but he did humor me and let me try to blow dry him.  We finally gave up, he was so stressed.  Luckily neither is worse for the wear, although Mom might be sporting a few scratches from those little nails as they tried to figure out how to escape. 

I will admit to feeling so guilty for traumatizing them that we had a little bit of snuggle time on mom & dad's bed.  My sweet girl is a bit of a grudge holder and only leaned into my hand.  My boy came rushing over, and snuggled up cheek to cheek with his little paw in my hand.  I guess all was forgiven. He was definitely not ready to come downstairs, even for a treat. 

It's been an eventful puppy morning as sweet chunky Beau finally climbed up and down the stairs repeatedly, he was not happy that sister had run up to momma and was getting all the snuggles while he was stuck at the bottom scared to try.  Moments later, my little guy was at my feet wagging his whole body with pride.  While I am excited for the milestone, I am apprehensive as to what new level of watchfulness this will entail. 

I have really knuckled down on the potty training business and yesterday the little buggers and I logged over 5 miles of active walking.  It was a fairly moderate day, just a bit of chill in the air.  If we can manage 5 miles in one day and they are only 11 weeks old, I feel I am really glad that Hubs insisted that I have such a large stash of walking shoes, because something tells me this is only the beginning of a lot of super long walks. 

Last night they finally encountered a lot of other pups on the final walk of the day.  Even though Miss Belle's sass game is super strong, she is my timid one.  I was a bit surprised.  Beau managed to get brave enough to be within 6 inches of one sweet pup, Belle was no where close, in fact she was hiding behind mom's legs shaking every time a furry new potential friend came within 5 feet.  

After a few moments while we were chatting, they both thought the Golden Retriever that laid down and gently watched them was intriguing and edged a bit closer to him.  Beau was definitely wanting to be friends, Belle was actually considering it, well until he rolled over and sent them running. Such a sweet baby with the pups, they will meet again. 

Holly the little Yorkie at the end of the road scares them to death, she is all of six pounds, smaller than they were at six weeks, but she insists on showing them that she is bigger and badder than the meanest rottweiler they will ever meet.  She barks and growls and isn't the least bit friendly.  They simply don't know what to do with her and unfortunately it scared them away from another neighbors Yorkie that was willing to be friends.  

They are learning to communicate with us and definitely understand when spoken to.  Are they a lot of work absolutely, are they an even greater return on investment in the love and joy department?  ABSOLUTELY!

I read a statement yesterday that said raising puppies was a thousand times harder than raising children.  I am fairly certain that statement was written by someone that has never had children. Because the truth is, it's not even in the same ballpark.  In many ways it is similar, my children made just as many if not more messes, although I have never had a child eat my shoes or tear up a sofa (yep, I've had dogs do both)  I have had them create far greater messes in other ways.  Pups eventually grow up to be little loves that simply want to spend their entire lives with you.  

Your children grow up, have their own families, lives and challenges, they move on and leave you standing there full of love and worry.  You are so proud of them, you celebrate their victories and you mourn their losses with them.  Often from a distance. You will do anything in this world for your child, even after they are long grown and don't want to be babied.  There is still a burning need to right the wrongs, to chase away the demons and monsters of life.  And it is horrible to sit on the sidelines praying and watching.  

There are times your children will pull away, needing to grow into their own person.  On an emotional level you feel like you have lost them forever, reality is that you haven't, they are just becoming the person you raised them to be.  A puppy just sits by your side and gives you loves and kisses and wants treats and belly rubs. 

The hardest part with a pup is when they cross the rainbow bridge, they are simply too much love to be here for very long.  You will mourn, your heart will feel like it will never heal and you will have a huge hole inside of you. Until the day your pup sends a new one into your heart, and they always do. 

Your children on the other hand... there are conflicts, miscommunications, growing pains, hurts, pushing away and pulling back close. There are times they will need you with every fiber of their being, and there are times in that needing that they resent the fact that they do.  There will be selfish moments, there will be giving moments.  There are times that you have boundless joy and others where you have deep dark sorrow.  Sometimes all you can do is step back, let them fly.  Sometimes they simply chose to never return.  It isn't your fault, but you can't unwind things and change them either. In any case as the parent you are always there with open arms and an even stronger loving heart waiting for whatever is needed.  Sometimes you have to deal with deep hurt in the process, sometimes you have to put up an emotional wall, but you always love unconditionally. 

Nope, I definitely believe the author of that statement has no idea what she is talking about.  I cherish my puppies, they bring me love, joy, frustration, laughter and chores.  They require a lot of attention and monitoring, but they are on no level as complex, intense or emotionally charged as raising a child. 

Of course that is just my humble opinion... those are my life learned experiences. 

In either case, I wouldn't trade a minute with my children, grand children or my sweet precious puppies. 

love and peace...

everything changes...

In the wee hours this morning, trying to fall back asleep from the middle of the night puppy potty run, I spent a few moments looking at one of those "the first four words you see" puzzles.  This one was what my focus should be for 2022.  Normally, I don't put much stock in those silly things, writing them off as a trick of the mind.  This morning... crazy accurate!  

Change, connection, gratitude and alignment.  Pretty solid don't you think?

Here it is a few hours later, the puppies have been taken potty, eaten to their hearts content, and are currently playing like the little angelic devils they are. I am trying to find a few short moments to myself before breakfast is ready.  I'm making my first dish in my new air fryer/oven that Hubs got me for Christmas. It smells heavenly, although I am fairly certain, with redirecting sweet babies I am not going to finish typing before it's done. 

Yup, I was right, it's now early afternoon.  The pups and Hubs are sleeping while I fix lunch.  Since it is quiet, I am taking advantage of the moment. The peace is wonderful.  But then, so are the puppy kisses!

After a fun filled trip south we came home to the first of my Christmas surprises.  My sweet Hubs conspired with one of my dearest friends to bring me these two sweet babies.  Hubs told me no when I initially showed him the pictures.  So I moved on and started thinking that we would get a couple of puppies in a few months, maybe around springtime or so.  I fell in love with the 7 month old little white guy, but figured it was okay, there are other little ones that will steal my heart. 

Hubs has wanted baby puppies forever, so he definitely jumped in with both feet when he saw babies!  The family didn't want to part with the older puppy is my understanding, and Hubs took full advantage to have a pair of littles.  

They are adorable!  They have completely stolen my heart!  But boy oh boy is this a huge adjustment! The rhythm and flow of my world is 100% different, totally different world.  I have had puppies twice in the past 20 years, unfortunately, we lost both of them young.  It tore my heart into a million tiny bits and pieces. So I am probably being an obsessive puppy mom, but I do not want to tragically every lose a fur baby again. These two, are definitely going to keep me hopping.  

I was so excited to get five full hours of sleep before I got woken up for a potty break, that I actually woke up wondering why, fearful that something was wrong in the silence. I was the same way with my human babies too, but I was a lot younger back then.  Heck, my baby is going to be 31 in a few short weeks. It was a short moment in time before they started calling to go outside.  

I'm not the only one smitten with these little furry dynamos.  Our youngest grand, called me joyously to tell me Santa had been at her house and that we needed to hurry and come open presents.  Oh yeah, and bring the puppies!  In fact when she is home, that is pretty much the call of the day. 

I fear that I will not be writing much, although my plan was to shoot for every day in 2022.  These little ones definitely need constant attention. I am even learning to value a kennel, although I never did before.  

Well... I need to get a few things done before the babies wake up and need potty break, food and play in that order before passing out again. 

love and peace...