I can't...

The sunrise...

As I was busy fixing Hub's breakfast muffins yesterday this was my view.  He was sleeping in.  For him to be sleeping so soundly, I knew he was exhausted.  In a few moments the house would fill with the warmth of cinnamon and ginger, it would wake him.

Yet standing there finishing up I glanced out the window, it faces due east and the views are always so calming and beautiful.  The sunrise was breathtaking. A true promise that we woke up yet again and we are given another chance to be the wonderful humans that we are.

Watching the sunset last night was just as amazing. As was the beautiful night sky that followed.

Wednesday was by far the hardest day I have ever experienced at work. In my entire life.  I had to tell the majority of my incredible Y family that they were being temporarily laid off.  Yes, most will get unemployment, but it doesn't make up for that sense of loss.  Their pride took the hit, their sense of worth. Each of them is very valued and loved. It was devastating.

I was an emotional mess.  My heart was shattering with each conversation.  The harder part is that I had to do most of it over the phone.  This social distancing is horrible. I could hear the silence, I couldn't see if there were questions I needed to answer, support that I was not able to offer. It was wrenching.

Yesterday was a tad easier.  I was able to speak to all of my team at some point.  Things are not great, but they are, I am so blessed to have them all in my life.

I am thankful that this week is almost over.  I need a few days to stop.  To unplug and to simply be.  To allow my heart and spirit a chance to breath.

I have allowed so much negativity lately to enter my space.  I am finding myself snoozing people on social media, refusing to make myself available for the naysayers and doomsday bell ringers.  I am also finding myself refusing to further engage with those that are self centered and refuse to see past that.

I firmly believe in free speech.  In each of us having the ability to voice where we are and what our personal thoughts and beliefs are.  And I will celebrate you and your beliefs.  Yet, I am finding myself putting up emotional walls to people that refuse to be fluid and refuse to be part of any solution because it doesn't work for them.

I have to admit, I am not loving having so many freedoms taken away.  I am not loving having to look around me and make sure that people are distant from me.  In fact, I'm hating it pretty hard.  I am a hugger, I cherish being able to offer comfort in times of distress, I will share my energy with anyone that truly needs it.  So some of this is very difficult for me.

Flip side of that, I am definitely an introvert and enjoy my own private space.  I find sheer joy in my mediation time, in creating, in simply being.

And I am realizing I need to find more time to meditate and be okay with people that lack concern for others. I keep seeing the meme's about not bringing your entire family on your shopping trip.  I will tell you I was terrified the other day when I did venture out to pick up scripts at the sheer number of people that are bringing their entire families shopping.  Their kids are running around the stores, babies are mouthing the handles of the carts - even if it doesn't have the virus on it, I am sickened to thing of how much sanitizer has been applied to it.

As one of those folks that is still working I can tell you I feel very blessed.  I come into contact with very few people.  I am not excited for when I have to.  I remember case number 1 here in the county I live in... it was only a few weeks ago, March 9th to be exact.  I remember the outrage because the family members of patient number 1 attended a school event.  How selfish, how self-entitled.  They were horrible people.  I mean come on it made national news.

Fast forward to April 3, not even a month later, in the county alone there are 663 cases and so far 6 deaths. It isn't that this virus is killing at a rampant rate, but it is spreading pretty darn fast.  What it is doing is stopping people from working (no for most of them it is not a paid holiday), it will overwhelm medical facilities (how many other important medical issues are not being dealt with properly?), it is showing us the very selfish side of many. 

Sorry, this might not be an accurate view, but from my seat, it is my view.  Because of thought processes like, it won't happen to me, it's an old people problem (actually - I'm not old and in the county I live in my age group is at the highest risk), I'm not 6 - don't tell me what to do, if we are all feet apart it won't make me sick, I don't want to ask for help... I truly could go on.

They are closing our parks this weekend.  How sad is that.  They have to close public parks.  Why, because even though there is yellow caution tape around the playground equipment, families are still taking their children to play on it.  They are all sitting around socializing while their children are playing together.  They are not staying home.

Evidently, now that there are more cases and more people potentially exposed it's no longer terrible for them to be out in the general population?  It's no longer a national media event to potentially expose other people? How is this behavior any less callus and self centered than the Daddy/Daughter Dance?  Or the trips to have coffee before they knew?

So many people are being hurt by this selfish mentality.  Maybe they aren't getting sick, maybe they never will.  I pray that is the case.

The people that are out there working to allow us access to essentials, guess what, most of them would rather be home safe with their families too.  Everyday I hear of another grocery, food, medical, emergency service, essential employee becoming ill.

I am disengaging from the people that are in sheltered areas feeling they are the only ones being inconvenienced and harmed by this hot mess that is not just our country - it's the whole darn planet.  All across the globe people are hurting, people are losing their livelihoods, family members are dying (not just from Covid 19) that are dying alone and cannot have funerals. 

If you are blessed to stay home.  Well stay home.  If you need groceries or essential supplies - there are many folks willing to help so that you can be home and safe.  That you can protect your precious babies - even if you are a single parent.

I am meditating and praying that at some point we can come together for the greater good.  So that we can stop passing this crap around, so that people can go back to work, so that they can do so many of the things that for a brief moment they can't.

We as a species should be doing better. 

Sorry if this is a rant.  Frankly, I am tired of biting my tongue and allowing people to snap at me and other's virtually.  People that are going out for essential jobs each day deserve a bit more respect.

I'm going to try and go find the beauty and joy in this day.  I am going to reach out to people that are hurting and see if I can find a way to make it better.  I really wish we all would.  I am tired of hearing the negative.  It's harming us more than the illness.  It would be incredible if everyone took a moment to find something good that they could do for the good of others, every single day. 

Can you imagine that beauty?

did you try?

I was at the top of the hill, looking out into the valley yesterday morning, and I was struck with wonder at the peaceful view.  You cannot say for one moment that I live in a remote countryside, I don't.  I live in the midst of thousands a mix of homes and apartments, a virtual mass of people.  Yet early yesterday, just as the sun was attempting to lighten the sky, with the early winter morning fog that hung more like a frosty blanket over the houses it was magical.

The hills a bit higher in the distance, loomed higher than usual due to the fog, the few homes very evident had the trails of steam rising from their chimney pipes.  And it looked like that was all there was to the world.  It reminded me of times where I have lived in far more remote areas.  Germany where the villages are single and distinct, not running into one another in a solid flow of humanity, the tiny mountain villages in Colorado and even Washington.  To me it was mystical and calm.  I didn't want to drive past.  I wanted to savor being lost in the quiet my imagination running wild.

Sadly, the light turned green and it was time to return to reality. I love my career path, I enjoy greatly what I do, but some days are more exhausting than others.  Yesterday was simply one of those days.  I'd had to go in unexpectedly early, as the person that was manager in charge before me called in sick.  They didn't think to ask anyone, including me for coverage, so I simply went in and covered it.  I don't do well with people taking advantage.  It's mentally exhausting.  People don't realize sometimes that the simplest act of asking someone to do something changes it completely from an expectation to a request.  The end result would be the same, but it wouldn't be mentally defeating.  People truly do want to be good to one another, they just want to be appreciated and not taken for granted.  At least that is my personal belief.

I fear that small act set a negative tone for the day.  It wasn't a huge issue and it allowed me to deal with things that had been unloved during my vacation. But the mental slap was hard to shake.

The day continued in a awkward and trying way to the point the beauty and calmness of the morning faded to a non-event.  I'd almost forgotten about it.  My desire to record the powerful effect of the beauty almost lost to a day of disappointments. I didn't write when I came home.  I needed time to process the day.  Too many times lately I feel that I am dealing with insanity that at some point should have been addressed by the parents during formative years.  And the things that people assume are okay, are well, exhausting.

Last night, I gave up.  I finished my evening by completing a disciplinary action form, even the wonderful dinner my sweet Hubs had waiting when I came in the door a full hour after I had planned didn't lift me out of my doldrums.  It was only 3 days into the new year.  And I was already dealing with stupid. So by 9 pm I'd misted my pillows and face with rose water it calms and centers me.  I curled up with my old dog, puppy snuggles are the greatest cure for a rotten day.  And fell fast asleep.

Today is another day, it isn't as cold out, so I am sure the drive in won't have the same magic, the mystic vision will have faded to houses and apartments placed close together with very little actual human interaction.  It's a chance to start fresh.  It's another new beginning.  My favorite meme lately is "you'll feel better after you have slept, it's the human equivalent of have you tried turning it off and on again".  That is basically a true fact.

I had the time to have breakfast with Hubs, he remembered I said I had an early start and made us a fabulous breakfast complete with lots of hot coffee.  It may seem trivial, but it sure beat a yogurt and granola bar munched in the middle of chaos, peaceful and enjoyable, complete with time for conversation. Lunch is even packed.  I am ready to be successful today.  I've had time for a reset.

There is much to be done today, but I am going to find myself some magic.  It might be in someones smile, a child's laugh, the clouds opening to sunshine, the possibility of snow, or maybe the gathering of a wonderful group of people and friends to celebrate someone's decision to broaden their sense of the world and travel.  I am going to find something that will enlighten my life and bring me joy.  Which should be an interesting search due to the fact that I will be immersed in budget spreads and all sorts of end of the year final stuff...

getting angrier...

I can't say that I am any less angry today.

I woke up to more calls for gun control.  I have my own theory on that, but guess what, it wouldn't have helped Ms. Norma.  She was shot with a BB gun.

Another one of my friends wrote that we need to discover the root.  The cause of the "evil" and "mental illness".  I don't disagree at all.  I'm wondering if we as a society are ready to rip those scabs off long festering wounds?  Are we ready to have an honest conversation?

Sadly, my faith in us as humans is not that strong right now, and my rose colored glasses seem to have developed a large crack in them. A few years ago on her birthday, one of my friends attended a ball game with her children.  One of her boys was shot, he will never walk again.  This week Ms. Norma was shot in the parking lot after doing some shopping.  Okay, it was a BB gun, and after surgery she will physically be okay.  That doesn't address the pain, suffering, mental anguish, the feelings of fear that will forever be there.

When will we as a society be ready to address the problems that are leading us down this road? When do we quit accepting the lies fed to us, to distract us by the media, politicians, etc?

My friend posed the question what is causing some of this? " What has changed in our society that people think it's okay to kill others? Is it a lack of personal responsibility, entitlement, the you're always right mentality? When did it start? Is it drugs, gmo's, too much processed food? I really think it is more than just saying the shooter is evil or mentally ill, what is causing this change in so many people? We need to look for the root of the problem."

I don't disagree with her.  I've watched this country change and not for the better over my lifetime alone.  How many times have my friends and I played the "remember when" game.  Most of the time we are joking around. Laughing about the things that we cannot believe have changed.  Remember drinking from a garden hose, remember staying outside until the street lights came on, remember your dad whistling to call you home, remember laying on the back of the car seats on a long drive.

Maybe it's time to examine those things?  Maybe it isn't a joke.  Maybe just maybe all of the changes and rules and regulations have had a deeper meaning.  Maybe it isn't about personal protection.  Maybe it was the start of laying the foundation for abdication of personal responsibility.

We live in a time where no one is held accountable for their own actions any longer.  From minor things, say getting into trouble at school.  When I was younger, you didn't get into trouble at school.  It was a guaranteed butt whooping from your parents. The question was rarely posed what did someone else do, it was "what did you do?" That's not to say that when facts were revealed you weren't believed if you were innocent.  The presumption simply wasn't that you had no part in drama that had befallen you.

I held true to that with my children.  They weren't innocent simply because they were my children. Yet, I would fight like the lioness that I am if you were ugly to my babies and they'd held no part in it.

But working in schools a few decades ago, I witnessed a shift.  It was subtle at first.  Then it became blatant. No longer was little Johnny or Suzy responsible.  They might have beat a child up, but surely it was the teachers fault.  The teacher didn't teach them the golden rule, the teacher didn't supervise them adequately, etc.

Is that when it started?

I read an interesting study the other day, it was about brains and how they form.  The studies have proven that a baby cradled and loved from day one developed better.  That children that were ignored, not cuddled of stimulated had less brain development.  Are we more focused on our phones and less on our families?

Is that part of it?

Look at the food we eat, look at the obesity problems in this country (others as well).  Is that part of the cause? I fear that when a grocery store had to start having an aisle labeled organic, that we crossed some scary lines.  I long for gardens and farmers markets.  I long for the days of herb gardens outside the door and knowing where your food came from and what happened to it.  I mean seriously, we raise our chickens here in the US and send them to China for processing.  I can't even wrap my head around that.

When we started to rely on welfare as a career?  Did that contribute?  I remember when I was younger over 40 years ago, hearing the words "I'd rather work, but I make more on welfare", over 40 years ago. Are we taking away a person's will to provide for themselves? Thereby killing their self esteem, and if so, why? I believe that when a person achieves for themselves they also feel good about themselves. I would rather work multiple jobs as opposed to feeling that I am being "taken care of".

I think that is one of the reason's I am so angry.  Ms. Norma is one of the hardest working women I know.  She's 81, she still rides buses and walks to work 5 days a week.  You will NEVER catch her sitting around, even when she shouldn't be doing a task for safety's sake, she will try if no one else is doing it.  She is so darn independent and strong. Frankly, I want to be just like her.  I want to make my kids worry that I am working too hard at 81.   And I want them to be proud of me as a mom and provider.

I could go on and on.

Children having children without the skills to raise them up.  Now that one is interesting, when you consider in the not so distant past if you were 16, unmarried and without children you were definitely bound for being labeled an "old maid" and destined to become a teacher.

At what point did we stop teaching our children basic life skills from the time they are little.  My oldest grand daughter is 11. If you were to meet her, you'd never believe it.  She is old beyond her years.  I credit my daughter with that.  She knows how to cook, clean, care for her animals, help with her baby sister, she understands money (and will host a lemonade stand or sell her possessions to purchase something she wants).  She shops in thrift stores and makes a game of saving money and still getting what she wants.  Oh sure, there are moments when the modern preteen sneaks into the picture, needing the coolest phone, dying for the perfect outfit, or her need to have her hair dyed wild colors.   In her short little life she has experienced some very traumatic things, if she wants her hair dyed, well so be it. The point is her mother is teaching her serious life skills.

We could go the route of drugs in our society.  But that is a far deeper conversation than I am prepared to have at this point.  One of my B's lost her precious son to that demon heroin.  Too many today are. My question, one that I often ponder, is the greed of pharmaceutical companies the starting block for where we are today?  I watched dear sweet Hubs struggle desperately a few years ago.  The pain was unreal, there was absolutely no relief for him, while the doctor that caused the problem did everything in his power to deflect from it and prescribed stronger and stronger opioids in  an attempt to mask the cause.  I picked up prescription after prescription, fighting with the doctors the whole time.  Terrified that I would come home and find him dead, simply in an attempt to kill that terrible pain. During the course of 9 months my share of the prescription cost was almost $1000, and I had great insurance that covered the bulk of the cost.  Let that sink in.

So is it drugs?

Is it a giant mixing bowl filled with all of the things we want to look past?  Is it a chicken and or the egg situation?

Do kids join gangs because they want to be important?  Or do gangs form because basic skills are not being taught and basic needs are not being me?. Do kids not get a quality education because of the system not providing schools or funds?  Or are teachers that could make a difference afraid? Is the result those same children are not able to get good paying jobs because the skills are simply not there?  Or is it the cause?

Are they using guns, drugs, gangs, violence because they don't know another way to survive? Or because it's the easy way? Or did they get tired of being hungry, cold, doing without, not knowing how to get what they need... oh the list is endless.

Has anyone spanked their butts out of love?  Or simply anger and aggression?  Have they been taught respect?  Have they been taught patience, love, doing for others?

I know my silly little blog is never going to solve all or any of these things.  I know that I cannot fix the world.  I hate that I am using my blog to pose more questions than any of us can answer.  I want to blog about the silly hats I made my youngest grand daughter.   I need to clear my heart first.

I hope this will start conversations.  I pray that Ms. Norma will be a starting point for a brighter future. A future where kids are outside when the firefly's come out and a future where 81 year old great grandmothers can go pick up fixings for chili after work without a fear of being run over or shot.

I know there are more evils in the world.  Heck in my own town and  country.  But I can't tackle them all.

I am blessed to work for a wonderful organization.  An organization that wants to make a difference in this world.  Last night at our kick off event, while worrying about Ms. Norma I saw our latest video for probably the 10th time.  Each time it gives me goosebumps.  Last night I almost cried. If you haven't seen it, I challenge you to watch it. The Y: US.

And finally I challenge all of you to please remember the golden rule "do unto other's as you would have them do unto you".  Each of us holds the power to work together to make a difference.  To change the narrative.   Are you strong enough?  That isn't judgmental at all.  I don't know if I am strong enough.

I am willing to try.  Are you?  Can we keep the conversation going?

struggles...

On the deck in these early hours I am enjoying the coolness.  It's so refreshing after the heat we've been experiencing.  I know it will return as soon as the sun fully rises.  But for now, I am enjoying the birds chirping, the squirrels running helter skelter through the tree tops, the soft whisper of the leaves as a very gentle breeze moves through. In the distance I heard the chickens waking up from their slumber, wanting breakfast I'm sure. I am enjoying a moment of solitude.

It's been a brutal few weeks.  Maybe I had too much fun on vacation.  Not sure. Karmic balance or something like that.  Professional and personal have been teetering on the point of almost too unbearable. The heat has only punctuated the distress that I've been feeling. 

Bless Hub's heart, he sure has done all in his power to make sure I don't implode.  Each weekend we have had adventures, riding for hours.  Laughing, talking and simply enjoying each other and our travels.  Short trips, long trips, dashes in and about town.  Lunches on waterfronts, winding back roads.  Picnics in Mark Twain's backyard.  New places, old places, silence and noise.  

So much hasn't gotten done, which stresses me a bit more.  But the things that have been done have made me feel light and carefree.  I've needed that. 

A few almost breakdowns. A few tears.  Lots of prayers and laying things at God's feet.  

Neighbors that are inconsiderate.  Jerks that hurt people I love.  Insurmountable deadlines. It's been high stress. I am tired of being called a racist every time what I am saying to someone is disagreeable to them. 

And now there is a jerk in the neighborhood that is making non-stop noise.  At first I thought it was a hammer, but I am not sure anyone without a dozen arms could hit something that many times.  It non-stop and loud.  A beating, almost pounding noise.  It is giving me one heck of a headache.  I wish whoever it is would simply stop.  Respect that it is only 8:30 on a summer morning.  

I gotta say I am so over jerks lately.  People that simply cannot be kind, considerate, compassionate. People that seem to live in their own personal bubble, feeling like they are the only ones entitled to exist, the only ones that have a "right" to happiness. 

I'm tired. 

I know I am not the only person that feels this way.  It's just that we were raised to consider others feelings before speaking our own thoughts.  

I am worried about people that I love.  So many are going through so much right now.  I would give anything to have a magic wand.  The kind that could make those jerks that cause the hurt and pain go away. My wand from Olivanders simply isn't doing the trick. 

Well... the racket in the woods is driving me to distraction and now another neighbor is mowing.  I am going to head inside and leave my little paradise. 

Just gonna leave it here... 

No one is more important than anyone else, and your words thoughts, and actions should always reflect a kind, caring  and loving manner to everyone and everything around you.  

Just my thoughts...

the line between right and wrong...

Can you see through the fog?

I am listening to an old country song playing through my brain... I need Grampa to tell me about the good old days.  I want to remember when the only boogie men were in stories told to frighten.  I want to remember when good was more prevalent than bad.

I woke up to more ugly.  I woke up to hear of more arrests, more attempted subjugation of our laws, more stupidity and anger.  That is being fueled by something more insidious and evil than reality.

I am worried about the people of Ferguson.  I am worried about my friends.  I am worried that the people that are using that city to make their political points are destroying something beautiful.  I am tired of hearing race baiting, I am tired of it all.

My heart is hurting.  I am blessed, I only have to read about it, not live it.  But people I love are living with it. I had a conversation with a gentleman yesterday.  We've become good friends despite that I can't imagine living in his world and he can't imagine mine.  Our lives are very different.  But we have empathy for each other.  We care that the other is safe and happy.  Oddly, we could not stand each other the first time we met.  Now we celebrate each other's children and their victories at life.  We talk about silly mundane things, and more recently we talk about deeper things.  Things that are spiraling out of hand.

During the course of our conversation this large, intimidating man shared with me his own fears of the area he lives in.  How he longs to drive home and take a deep cleansing breath and feel relief.  A relief that is being robbed from him, because not too long ago a group of young men moved in across the street.  They are being little terrors who feel something is owed to them.

They are forcing their ugly feelings about life, their sense of entitlement on the entire community.  My friend is fearful for his family, he struggles to rest.  He lives very near the epi-center of chaos in Ferguson.  In fact he lives right around the corner from the shooting that occurred yesterday.  When a young man chose to charge the police with a knife in his hand.  He's dead. Where are those protests?

This feels orchestrated.  This feels like it was planned. It doesn't feel organic, it doesn't feel like a genuine reaction to a tragic death and loss.  Maybe it's the looting (because nothing says I love you, quite as well as destruction and theft), maybe its all the outsiders that have rushed in to "protest" for them.  You know groups that are egging on the civil disobedience.  Groups like the Revolutionary Communist Party... yep they've shown up, or the New Black Panthers, or Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson (who tried to turn it into a fund-raising opportunity), or the Nation of Islam, or any of the others that have used a tragic, senseless event for political gain. For something more than it is.

Everyday, across America there are deaths that need not happen.  In North County people are shooting each other left and right for far less of a reason than the one on August 9.  Why this one?  Why this time?

I need those good old days, "when the line between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy..." It amazes me that in the midst of the chaos in the world... all the other geo-political problems the entire country is focused on creating a bigger mess out of little Ferguson Missouri than it really is or should be.  Did the border crisis finally get solved, did we stop bringing thousands of illegal immigrants to a town near you?  Did ISIS finally stop raiding and killing and destroying lives and countries?  Did all of our monetary issues suddenly become resolved?  And everyone now has affordable health care that isn't going to break our countries monetary backbone?  Are all of our military and troops finally safe? Have all the wars ended? Seriously??  Or did little Ferguson just become one heck of a smoke screen with little to no concern and care for the wonderful people that live there.  Are they simply another pawn in the hands of idiots that are power hungry?

I am praying for my friends in Ferguson.  I am praying for Mike Brown's family and I am praying for Darren Wilson and his family also.

Take me back to yesterday....

I wonder...

Forgotten?

It amazes me when Hubby and I spend time out on the Harley, which we do quite often, the difference in the neighborhoods.  Where we live you go from suburban, to urban to country in a fluid motion, the changes are often jarring and highly noticeable.  Yet, I don't really understand it at all.

It seems like in suburbia it's all become about shopping. There are stores, shops and more stores and shops on every corner.  Everyone is in a hurry to get to a store, because evidently that is where one finds something that is missing in their lives.  I can't tell you how stressful it is traveling through our little town.  We have almost gotten hit several times, by people that refuse to turn their heads before radically changing lanes - their eyes solely focused on whatever shop they are heading to.  There are tons of restaurants and fast food on every corner, they always have their parking lots filled and a constant din of noise radiating from within. Suburbia seems to be on a constant pulse, no time to appreciate all that is around us, no where to take the next breath.

Hubby and his family used to go to this drive in theater

Slowly falling into rest

The urban areas are far more dark and shocking.  All around there is decay and loss.  That is simply the overwhelming feeling.  I often ponder these areas in particular.  I am fascinated by them. They are hauntingly beautiful, the architecture of the past is breath taking.  I wonder what caused the people that live in these areas to simply stop caring.  Maybe they didn't stop, every now and again there is a snippet of that past beauty still thriving.  But it is rare. The buildings are often barred and blocked.  Decaying where they stand.  It is not unusual to see a tree growing beside a carefully carved gargoyle, nature taking back over what was once its domain.

Smoothest brick roads ever! Found in East St. Louis

Forgotten...

Hubby often tells me stories of  these places from their heyday.  He was born and raised here, he remembers when the main street of East St. Louis was thriving, filled with gardens and graceful beauty.  I have seen pictures of it from long ago.  They are such a sharp contrast to the ones I take today. Hard to believe that in the course of a lifetime a city so dedicated to beauty and quality could become a shell of it's former self.  I rarely find any gardens on our journeys through there.  Although every now and then I do find one of the beautiful old homes maintained with love and care.

That's something to be proud of!

Last weekend we were out enjoying the day, while my cousins were at their program.  We stumbled upon a treasure.  We had stopped for a train and I wanted a picture of the sign for Brooklyn.  It was proudly proclaiming the oldest incorporated black community, I don't know why I like to record these signs.  It's a quirk I guess.  A I got off to stretch my legs a bit, I noticed an overgrown area across the street from a huge industrial site. Curiosity got the better of me, where those headstones that I'd seen?

They were, there on the side of the road was a long forgotten, unloved and uncared for cemetery. I personally will not wander into a cemetery like that, it was in a complete state of upheaval.  Over grown, stones moved this way and that.  I don't know if it is fear or respect, maybe a mix of both.  Hubby does not have my qualms and he boldly strolled through that sad beautiful place.  Both of us paying respect to memories long forgotten.

quaint...

left behind...

Another place, another time we are riding through the past up in Calhoun and Jersey counties, this is pure country up here.  These are families that came centuries before and stayed. Here the signs proudly proclaim their existence since 1847 and older.  These were the original families that settled these areas.

caught him sampling!

The old hotel in Brussels has been there since 1847, just a wide spot in the road.  It's had many lives in the past 167 years, it's provided food, shelter, and many basic needs.  There was a time the grand old girl served as part of the "Underground Railroad" providing shelter to slaves as they made their way to freedom.  It's just inside of Illinois (a free state), not too far from Missouri (a slave state) and many black American's made their way to freedom in its cavernous basement.  Today it simply provides a cool beverage, a small antique shop and an amazing meal family style in the restaurant.  Where the tables still have real linens and you actually have crystal servers on the tables.  The Hotel itself is long since closed due to threats of lawsuits from ADA proponents.  It's heart breaking that something historic and of value for what it was is not safe from that kind of governmental intrusion.

As you ramble through the flowing hills the beauty of the fields, the farms, the communities will steal your breath and transport you.  There are barn quilts proudly displayed everywhere you turn.  Some are bold and easy to find, some far simpler and slightly hidden.  Rare is the faded out one.  Most are bold and bright. Many have the farm name and established date written there for the world to see.

Odd snippets of nature in between the towns

Frightened the little duckie...

As we roam, none of this is more that 50 miles in any direction.  I am always struggling to understand why the difference exists.  Why do some communities that are so old, precious and rare, work so hard to retain the very essence of who and what they are to the world around them. They aren't wealthy areas, the people in some of these communities work sun up to sun down to barely scrape by.  The pride they have simply shows.  Life moves at a slower more consistent, more intentional pace.

beauty that they own...

The urban areas seem blighted.  Like a horrible disease has come through, robbing them of the will to fight back.  To hold on to the gracious beauty that is decaying around them. It is hard for me to truly understand this.  I am often curious as to what could make proud, kind, caring people simply stop caring.  I pray all the time that someone will be brave enough to make the change in that community that it so desperately needs.  Even if it is simply planting flower and vegetable gardens in those vacant fields.  Sadly, it cannot be an outsider, it cannot be a corporation or a benefactor.  It will have to be organic, it will have to come from within. Unless you can understand what has broken the spirit of that great city, you cannot hope to give back what's been stolen from it.

In my suburban areas... Life is moving too fast.  There is nothing in all those stores that will fill the holes.  Cookie cutter houses designed to make developers rich and big box stores filled with trinket and toys do not fill the voids.  They were never meant to.

As I head out to work in my garden this morning, to harvest some dandelions for both my lizard and myself (my cousin sent me a recipe that has my head spinning, I feel I must try it) I wonder if suburbia is not just the stepping stone to the next decaying urban area.

Some of the areas we travel through at one time were thriving industrial areas for us.  They were responsible for manufacturing the items we needed for this country.  Most of the manufacturing is outsourced to other countries now.  In our quest for more and cheaper have we sold our soul? Have we sold ourselves into a far more vile form of slavery than the type we defeated so long ago?

Our food is not local, we don't have backyard gardens any longer.  If we did those vacant lots would be producing the food that many in the urban environment live without.  Our families would be healthy and well-fed.  We wouldn't always be searching for the next great deal at the local discount store, for items shipped from the far east.

The difference I noticed, was that no one in those flourishing old communities were reaching out to the government for help, I did see one "government housing" area in one town.  It was sad, people were broken, the area was broken.  When you take away a person's pride you leave ashes of that person.

Maybe we shouldn't count on a government that is only for itself...

The things I see from the back of the Harley, make me proud to be a "different" kind of person. Make me glad that I am dreaming of my garden, the lotion bar I am going to make with those dandelions, they make me glad that I am strong enough to not give in.

I pray for our country, I pray that those folks I photograph sitting forlornly midst the ruin of their communities will stop, reflect and realize that they are the solution.  They can't wait for another solution to come, there isn't anyone, any thing, any entity that can bring what they have lost.  They have to do it themselves.  Take back their pride, show their skills, and don't let anyone subject them to less.  And for those of us in suburbia - STOP IT! Go home, cook, garden, create, do something, but stop the mindless, endless shopping.