in the twilight...

The sun is starting to head off for the day.  The beautiful autumn temps are creeping in.  I long to put on my hoodie lounging gown, but it is probably a bit premature for that.  Although I will admit to starting this beautiful day in a sweatshirt.  The time is coming!

By this time tomorrow Hubs will have been home for a bit, he'll have had his dinner and most likely be in his recliner - although I will try to convince him to enjoy the beautiful evening with me.  I've missed him. Yep, I still treasure silence and stillness, but I treasure our time together even more.  Although, I am glad that he was able to make the trip this weekend.  He misses his sister so much and she lives a good bit away from us, down in Alabama.  I always tell him to make a plan and just go, but we also know she is busy and getting a few days together is tough.  

Enter a birthday party.  His niece had a milestone birthday this year, it became the perfect excuse to head south. His visit was kept a secret.  I'm sure it was a wonderful surprise just the same.  It worked out great.  He got to see his sis and celebrate his niece.  I would have loved to have gone, but leaving Beau is far too complicated and nerve racking.  Finding hotels that allow two hefty pups is a nightmare, and only having a few days meant it was too much to drag the camper that far.  

Surprise! Happy Birthday!

He flew solo this weekend. Pups and I have been hanging out.  I'd love to say I was super productive with my solo time.  That I created all the quilts on my list and finished up all the other little things that have been lingering. I wasn't. 

Mom, we need to talk...

Truthfully, I simply rested.  I guess I needed it.  Friday and Saturday ended up being lazy. Lounging on the deck in the cool of the day, playing with pups, taking naps, and basically just being.  I mean I did do some random things and I even got dressed and ate real meals.  Talk about adulting! I have a bad habit of popping some pop corn and not wasting energy when left to my own devices.  

I am thankful that he had the time to go, I am thankful that they made time for each other.  Time is flying past, minutes should not be wasted. 

Tonight sitting out here smelling the remains of a fire, wondering if someone is roasting marshmallows, or simply gathering with the family for the evening.  I am a bit weary and a bit lonely.  While my pups have zero problems conveying their needs and desires, the are not the greatest conversationalists.  

pleading for treats

I spent the day with people - running errands and stopping at the quilt shop, taking the pups for a walk with our friends, chatting with mom, a couple times with Hubs, messaging with the kids, after a filled day the sudden stillness feels empty.  

Belle's approach is
so much softer

It doesn't help that I am tired.  I caught up on bunch of the planned things today, the dehydrator is full of chicken paws (Beau is very much aware), the freeze dryer trays are loaded with beef tongue, hearts and liver (yes they are spoiled). Laundry is done, house is tidy, errands are run.  I'm really ready to put my head on my pillow and count some sheep, but that has to wait.  Medicine times haven't passed yet.  So needless to say I am going to find a few more chores to keep me alert as I wait. 

The sun has set, I can barely see the keyboard, it's definitely time to call it a night.

Remember to make time for what truly matters.  Most of the things that surround us are distractions.  Things that steal away those precious moments.  Focus. 

much love, b

what's that sound?

Listening to the sound of the heavy rain outside is so calming.  I love the peacefulness of it.  I am in need of some peacefulness this morning. 

Yesterday was super busy, in a great way!  I am loving learning and doing and creating for my family.  I feel a sense of contentment that I truly did not realize was even possible.  I also have a very tired body.  I spend a lot of my day lifting heavy things and moving non-stop.  My arms are hating even lifting my coffee cup right this moment.  They are tired.  My back is tired and sore, but my spirit is soaring.  

I was glancing at some financial news articles this morning and noticed that ironically another major poultry farm a massive producer of eggs for supermarkets went up in flames. I realize those are horrible conditions for the birds, the eggs are inferior to what you could have if you raised your own, etc...  Unfortunately, there are far too few people that live in areas allowed to have their own chickens.  There are many people that have already been struggling to provide for their families and that eggs provided protein even though the cost of them has been going up. 

I also noticed that more baby food factories have been closed.  Why?  

We are definitely living in some seriously dark times. And if you don't see it, then you are choosing not to.  If it isn't the food costs escalating, it's the fuel, or utilities, or clothing, or the bare shelves at stores that they are rearranging things to hide. People are struggling mentally, the effects of the games that have been played are starting to show.  People are cracking. 

I needed the peacefulness of this morning.  The sound of the birds chirping, the rain gently falling now.  The stillness that reminds me that despite all of the chaos swirling around us, we have the choice and free will to decide whether we choose to participate or not. 

I fall on the not side. I always have. I'm not changing who I am at this late stage. 

Yesterday or maybe the day before I saw that article on "the book" about the things that 1940's women did to pull their families through the devastation left by two world wars and a depression. I've been pondering it a great deal, trying to rationalize why all of the sudden it is showing up in my feed.  What the game plan is, because it seems there is always a game plan.  

Thoughts have occurred to me about the fact that "the book" uses algorithms and the groups I follow tend to be around quilting, crafts, gardening, homemaking, cooking, canning, camping, traveling, etc.  So maybe their algorithms led them to think it would be of interest. 

Then I read the comments, because that is something I often do.  There were a whole lot of folks asking the same questions that I am asking.  Why is this showing up. What are they either foreshadowing or is it just that they are trying to raise fear and anxiety? Are they seriously trying to romanticize washing out your aluminum foil and rinsing your paper towels?  Pulling that bit of nostalgia to the forefront?  I think everyone had family members that did that. Most folks are not allowed to hang their laundry due to city ordinances, or at least not around here. The irony is that many things on that list have been banned in most areas.  Unsightly, noisy, unsanitary... hmmm...

All of these things are definitely bringing up some serious questions. 

Add to that the apparent inability of many businesses to hire workers.  And that some of the largest companies are starting layoffs and trying to lease out their own warehouses.  It's troubling. I try to rationalize why folks are choosing to be part of the work force.  Is it about money?  Has the discontent been raised that high with the non-stop $15 an hour minimum that people feel entitled to that?  Can they not see the cause and effect?  If you pay more, you have to increase the cost of your service or product to cover that increase, which therefore decreases the value of that salary increase.

I guess not. 

Or is it that people are learning to do without double incomes, thereby shorting the work force as one parent is staying home.  Finding a daycare for your children is an absolute nightmare and if you do find care, the costs are ridiculous in order to cover the salaries and other increases the businesses are dealing with.  Add to that the cost of gas, your food for the day, uniforms or work attire and you are pretty much working for nothing. 

For years I have heard more and more kids saying they would never lower themselves to working food service.  That it is demeaning.  Yet those jobs were traditionally held by the unskilled as their built their job history. Now we have kids showing up for job interviews wearing animal ears and unable to cope with the anxiety of job skill training.   

So many times I have toyed with returning to the work force, feeling guilty each time the worker shortage is brought up.  Gotta say, I'm not inclined.  I am better able to serve the needs of my family by being home. Not to mention that the first time an employee lost their cool with me over their inability to manage their own anxiety I would probably end up in jail. 

So much damage is being done.  So much damage has been done.  I hope you are paying attention.  I hope you are not simply sitting back and listening to the canned garbage that is spewed by all forms of the media.  I hope you are seriously taking stock in what is going on all around you.  Families are being destroyed, lives are changing at a speed that is the definition of insanity.  It's truly sad. 

It's supposed to rain all day.  I'm glad, we need the rain.  And I hope it washes some of the ugliness away.  I hope it brings a fresh start.  Am I putting on my rose colored glasses?  Of course I am. But while it is raining, I am going to get back to work being busy.  I am going to take care of my family and dearest friends.  I am going to continue to pray and send out positive energy, love and light.  I am going to keep on fighting in the only ways that I know of. 

And I am going to continue paying attention.  It's unbelievable what comes to light when you stop and take a deep breath. 

love and peace... 

keeping busy....

I am definitely having a rough time getting motivated to do anything this morning.  The pups are doing so good and I believe they are letting me know that the vet said 7 - 10 days and it's been 8.  Yesterday they helped each other remove their collars (they even hid one under the middle of a sofa) and were rough housing like the babies they are - all because I dared grab a quick shower while they napped.  The house is once again filled with shredded toys and they are eating like food is going out of style.  My babies are definitely not tiny any longer. 

It's the strangest thing.  Since their spay/neuter both puppies are far more loving.  Beau is even worse than Belle for needing to be right near us if not sleeping on us.  We must have bodies touching.  Both of them have discovered that recliners provide a great extension to mom and dad's laps and have an overwhelming need to sit with us in them.  I'm currently typing with my arms stretched out over my almost 50 lb lap puppy, as he gently snores in my lap.  It's actually a bit humorous. I'm waiting for the other one to decide that she needs to climb up here also. She usually lays on my legs, he refuses to give up the prime spot on my hips and stomach. I hate to bother them once they get comfy, it makes me sad to wake them.  Although I am not altogether sure there is anything normal about this, I sure do love the love that they give so generously. 

These unseasonal weather spikes are wearing me out, I am absolutely not a fan.  It is supposed to hit 92 today, I am not ready for such a strong weather swing. YUCK!  It was only in the 60's not even a week ago.  I don't supposed I'd loathe the heat so much if it didn't come with so much humidity. It's like a giant energy zapper. And I am absolutely not about energy zapping. When it's like this I find I often get low grade headaches and an overwhelming desire to sleep or fight the sleepiness all day. 

I have a lot to do today, I need to harvest a bunch of jalapeno's, I'm not sure if I want to pickle them, ferment them or make cowboy candy.  If I make the cowboy candy it will be for gifts, that is far too much sugar for us, and I'm not sure that a sugar substitute would work. Although it is one of my favorite treats. I'm also going to try my hand at fermenting today, I am officially going to make some sauerkraut.  It's been on my I want to try list for a really long time, and I have decided that I am finally going to take the plunge. 

I made sugar free ketchup yesterday, both of my taste testers loved it. In fact, I am fairly certain that Hubs will not be opening the store bought one after the one in the fridge is done.  The fragrance that filled the house was incredible, I chose to follow the recipe from 1943, but used 1/2 the recommended sugar and replaced it with Bocha Sweet - a sugar sub made from pumpkins. I averaged it to about fifty cents a jar.  That compared to the $6.74 I just paid for the same size bottle with questionable ingredients made the 3 hours well worth it.  Especially as over 2 of those hours were no active on my part. 

I spent $20 for 50 lbs of tomatoes.  I have made so much out of those boxes of tomatoes.  Oven roasted marinara, spaghetti meat sauce, salsa, ketchup, pizza sauce, and tomato juice.  I currently have one batch of cores and peels included in the broth that is cooking in the slow cooker and have multiple bags frozen at this time. 

I don't think I'd call me a prepper, although that is Hubs current term of choice.  I think my thriftiness would rather spend a bit of the time I have available creating yummy foods and saving a ton of money.  If I can even find what I am in search of.  Not to mention, it is taking a bit of my time now, but it is the ultimate in fast food once it's put up.  Because of the time I am putting in right now, I can whip up dinners in no time at all.  And when we are going camping I don't have to spend hours cooking in the day or so before.  I can go to my pantry and pull out whatever I think we will like and be on the way. 

To me it just feels like a better way to prepare meals.  Eliminating the chemicals and yuck that I don't want as part of our diet. Doing so may ultimately lead to a wider variety of foods in our diets. 

That and I am addicted to that sweet little ping that comes as the jar seals. I admit it, I'm an addict. 

Today I am also going to play with my dehydrator a bit more.  Hubs bought me a new one for mother's day, I've had my older ones for almost 20 years now and I still love them, but find them a bit limiting.  I will still keep them, they are incredible tools for making puppy treats, but the new one is easier to use, as if that was even possible. I am going to try some grain free cracker recipes today.  We love to have a nice charcuterie tray and crackers are definitely a plus.  These ones fit dietary requirements. Thankfully, dehydrating simply requires me to mix it and forget it. I will spend a few minutes prepping and then I will move on with my day for the next 6 - 8 hours.  Sounds perfect to me.  

I need to harvest a few more radishes and then I need to plant 4 tomato plants.  I need to plant the celery that I am re-growing from the core of 3 others.  They are doing fantastic and I am almost afraid to take them out of the cups they are in.  I have never had success with celery before and I am actually a bit stunned that they have taken off.  I've been doing some research and it sounds like they are definitely fans of indirect sun and soggy soil, so I can't mix them with anything else in the garden.  I was hoping to put them all in single planter, but that also sounds like it might be a challenge.  They are definitely an experiment that is thriving. 

I'm also going to try to get my lilac bushes planted today.  Hubs has been watering the hill a lot this week to encourage the grass to grow, as a result the area I need to work in is very wet and slipper.  So we will see, I'm also going to order my raised beds for the lower side of that wall.  

I just saw another alert that for the third month Abbot Labs is shut down with the FDA not willing to allow them to reopen.  Seems like a rather minor issue, right? Unfortunately, they are the largest producer of baby formula in our country.  If I had a baby dependent on formula right now, I would be hopping mad.  I worry about my great nephew, he is far too medically fragile to not have just the right mix to thrive. Not every momma can breastfeed for a plethora of reasons.  I am terrified about what this means for babies.  I am not looking for haters, but I frankly feel that solving formula issues in our country is of far greater concern to me as an American than sending money to a country half way around the globe.  I am getting a bit pissed off for lack of a better way to say it. 

When are we going to take care of those in our own country.  We are not the babysitters of the world. I am all about helping people to be self-sufficient, to move away from big agriculture, big pharma, big financial, big... well big everything.  I would love to live in a world not controlled to the degree that it is by people and entities that don't have the people of the worlds best interest at heart. Plain and simple. I am worried for these babies.  I am worried about the insanity of everything that is going on.  As I said to a friend of mine this morning if this were a movie, and I were forced to rate it on a scale of 1 - 5, I would definitely give it a one because I can't go any lower. 

I think honing my own skills is how I am dealing with the insanity that is feeling very overwhelming at this time.  I can't control the world.  Heck, I can't control anything outside of my own front door.  But dang it, I can control some of the things surrounding me. 

Speaking of control... it's after 8 am and I need to get busy...

love and peace...

adulting...

Ugghhh... today has sure been a lot of adulting before 9 am.  I haven't even been out of bed for three hours yet, but I have scheduled the repair to Hubs' windshield (stupid rocks), declined one fence bid and accepted the other and now I am taking a break from filling out all of the requested forms and paperwork for HOA approval and for permits, helped Hubs gather all the recycling and breaking down boxes and gathering all the trash, voted for trustee and wrote out the thank you card so Hubs could deliver the donation box of treats, on top of the usual walking of the pups for a full mile.  

I am definitely not used to this much adulting. My life doesn't move that way any longer. I usually do not have to think until after the second or third cup of coffee. I do not know how I used to do this kind of stuff before.  

Shortly I will move back into the bubble of dealing with bureaucracy, but for a moment, I am stopping and enjoying my coffee, the bitter cold sunshine and the pups calmness. For a moment.  

My baby "ponies" are definitely growing like little weeds.  Anyone take a guess at their current weights?  Beau is a whopping 31.6 pounds, but the shocker was little Belle, she jumped up to a full 30 pounds.  Vet is still holding steady on his guess that they will be about 60 pounds each and right around knee height.  Totally a normal sized dog for us.  I'm not a big fan of small dogs.  They can officially roam in any puppy parks or playgroups now.  Not sure I am brave enough to do that, but... you simply never know.  I have considered a day of doggy day camp a week for each of them. A chance to get to know other dogs and to interact with different groups.  I would deliberately separate them if I do that.  We also found out that our sweet babies are definitely cutting their big dog teeth. Those little teeth are too precious, rounded not the sharp daggers of puppy-hood. 

sunbathing babies

I'm a bit worried about my little guy as he seems to be having a reaction to the vaccines.  I am not a fan and it bothers me greatly that it isn't something I am allowed to opt out of.  Especially as he is not feeling so good today, it breaks my heart.  And yes I know each of us has our own opinion on vaccinations, I will respect your feelings, please respect mine. Hopefully, he will be up to snuff before too long.  Even little Belle is being fussy, not wanting her brother to snuggle her, which she usually initiates. 

I will just let them rest up today, spoil them a touch and monitor how they are acting and feeling.  I sure hope it doesn't lead to another vet appointment.  Those things are ridiculous and honestly I can understand why our shelters are overflowing.  Puppy shots are EXPENSIVE!  Not to mention the cost for spay/neuter.  If they weren't siblings I am not sure I would be willing to spend that much money.  I am very careful to monitor my babies and I definitely do not allow them to run wild.  Sadly, I am sure there are many that have to opt out of these kind of things or put them through the spay/neuter clinics which aren't "gentle". 

But... I guess that is the way of things lately.  Everything is stupid expensive, because everyone is trying to keep their heads above water. 

Did Dad really get them a replacement 
Lambchop??

Hubs gassed up this morning at Costco, is it sad that we were celebrating $3.89 a gallon? I think it is horribly sad.  I'm also tired of watching people literally belittling and verbally attacking folks for not having electric cars.  No one solution fits everyone. There have been many inventions over the years that could lower gasoline consumption - they have been squashed.  Electric cars all have their drawbacks too.  Distance, charging time, the cost of batteries, the destruction to mine lithium and the fact that electricity is mostly provided by fossil fuel also.  Nothing is 100% perfect, except maybe walking or riding a bike and there are drawbacks there also. 

This morning I was following a news article and the comments and I was dumbfounded by some of the self-righteous folks posting on there.  When do we stop picking sides and bullying?  When do we band together against the cause?  When do we work together to support one another?  What is it going to take to knit us together for the good of humankind?

If you own an electric car right now, so very happy for you.  Even Elon Musk (of Tesla fame) states there are not enough natural resources to produce the number of batteries needed for everyone to convert with the current technology, knowledge and designs. People could feel fussy that maybe you are the ones increasing the cost for household electric (yup that is going through the roof also).  

Of course you aren't but stones can be thrown both directions.  So what if we simply stop throwing stones and start looking for true root causes and real honest to goodness solutions?

I've heard folks saying nothing I can do about it.  I've heard folks say move closer to work or get a different job. There are a myriad of challenges with all of those thoughts.  How long before our shops suffer because folks don't have disposable income.  How do you move when the housing market is so precarious and houses are selling for far more than they were even a year ago.  One down the street from my house just sold for about $100 grand more than it was valued a year ago.  Far smaller than my own home - gee can hardly wait to see what the falsely inflated price does to my own property taxes as my home was valued significantly higher than that one a year ago.  Just the thought makes my head hurt. 

At some point we have to decide to take control of things.  

Sorry, the harm people are doing to one another is getting under my skin.  The only thing that is going to solve anything is love and bonding together to change the vibration and energy flow.  Yet, I still see folks tearing others down to build themselves up.  Ironically the hate spewing person this morning had the screen name Grace.  I mean... grace?  At some point, we all have to give one another a little bit of grace, we have to acknowledge that none of us have all the answers and to be open enough to finding them together. 

Maybe we need to see if some of our neighbors need our support right now.  Maybe they are struggling with these heavy increases in costs, is there something we can do? Maybe offer to pick up someones stuff while you are out?  I don't know.  Like I said, I don't have any more answers than anyone else does, but I am praying that we eventually find those answers and that we work together to get to the next stage. 

I don't have a ton of money, but I have a ton of heart and goodwill.  If I can help, please reach out to me, please let me know that you need assistance and if I can, I will completely be there and do it.  If not, I will sure help you brainstorm for a solution. 

destruction of Lambchop #2
it didn't stand a chance

Well... I'm tired of wandering through these thoughts.  It's now time to chop wood and carry water so to speak.  There is another snow watch moving in - of course my baby girl's birthday is tomorrow, why wouldn't it... so I want to make sure everything is prepared before it happens - fingers crossed for it to mosey on by.  I am tired of winter and eager for spring to arrive!

treasure the moments...

Oh my goodness, my heart and bucket are filled to over-flowing right now! It was another early day, but for a far better reason than the ones before, at least in my world. I was blessed to spend time with one of my dear friends.  She always fills my heart with joy and it was wonderful!  We used to deliberately have lunch once a month without fail.  That changed with all of the chaos of shutdowns, etc... but we still get together whenever possible.  I haven't been blessed to see her since around May or June, not sure which... it's just been so long!!!

coffee while waiting on my friend...

When she reached out last week my heart soared, I have far more time than she does, which means I have been praying to see this wonderful woman for a minute. I was crazy excited to go and have breakfast, I am sure if Hubs hadn't needed the truck that I would still be sitting there, holding a space at the restaurant and enjoying the time with her over lingering cups of coffee.  Instead of drinking a cold cup here at home in my cozy chair. 

I don't often get to spend time with people that get me in my fullest measure of uniqueness, she not only gets it, understands it, but walks the path too.  I treasure time spent like that.  

I drove home lost in thought with my heart filled to the max, I needed that moment in time. Hanging out with members of my tribe fill my heart.

I didn't write yesterday, I was simply in a strange place, the world felt far to distant and I was wrapped up in my project and didn't feel like being a part of the world.  I was awake at 3:15 am to get Hubs ready for work and couldn't get back to sleep.  So I stayed awake and silent.  I was deeply engrossed in my project, it is coming along so wonderfully, and I couldn't bare to do anything not related to it. Trust me, the house looks like it too. 

I couldn't help but feel like the world was on fire yesterday, maybe not in a bad way, maybe in a cleansing way.  As I was walking to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup the sun was starting to rise.  The entire world shone a beautiful deep red orange.  It was breathtaking.  To the point that I found myself on the deck in my pj's in 28 degree weather attempting to capture it.  I should have known there was no way the beauty could be contained in pixels. It was just not meant to be preserved except in my mind and heart.  Today's sunrise was beautiful, but completely different.  The radiance and feeling were simply not there, it was calm and watercolor soft.  

I believe I needed yesterday to reset, to pause myself and take stock of everything.  Today has been a completely different day.  I was thoughtful and reflective yesterday, I was planning in my head as my needles slid in and out of my work.  I didn't have the energy to people at all.  I was lost in the mist of the day.  A lot of it was probably exhaustion from pacing with Hubs' schedule.  I am not someone that easily naps or goes back to sleep once awake.  I crashed by 7:30 last night, I am fairly certain I didn't fully wake until the alarm went off at 5:15 this morning. 

Today, I am ready to tackle the world.  I'm getting ready to make some pies for tomorrow and of course work on my project.  I already got to experience the joy of friendship, on top of the joy of feeling like an adult.  For the first time since July I drove somewhere, by myself.  Granted I had to take Hubs' truck, but as it is the only vehicle we have it couldn't be helped. I am still super comfortable with my decision to not replace my car. 

I guess I need to get busy.  I decided at the last minute that I needed to make a Keto stuffing for Hubs and I for tomorrow, so I need to get a batch of bread made that I can use.  And Hubs feels that another batch of the peanut butter fudge would be a great addition to any plans that I have, we'll see if that happens, he still has some left and the day is getting a bit long in the tooth. It was worth it.  Time with friends, Hubs and talking to both girls and the boy, I would say it's been a successful day...

love and peace...