gratitude...

This moment in time is feeling a bit strange.  It's feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I am getting ready to head to work.  The stay at home order doesn't go into effect until 11:59 pm tonight.  I can be away from people and still work.

I am having so many mixed emotions about right and wrong. I can't see a clear path.  I'm trying.  When I said that we were doing the COVID shuffle, I meant it.  And I think all of us are doing it in more ways than one. 

Mentally, we are definitely doing a cha-cha.  Physically, holy crap!  We went out briefly yesterday.  Hub's scripts were ready and I wanted to get them before the full fledged panic of today kicked in.

Let's be reasonable here, the stores have no food on the shelves, panic had already set in.  But just the fact that people know they will be confined to their homes after midnight tonight... well that is going to add a whole new level of crazy.

I feel that we would not have gotten to this point if people had just stopped.  Listened to the requests, stayed 6 feet apart.  As Hubs was standing at the pharmacy counter yesterday a woman literally leaned over him and asked the pharmacist a question.  That not only violates the 6 foot request, but it really violates HIPPA laws.  His medical stuff, is his business and his alone.  We have simply become a society that doesn't feel common decency applies to us.

So, in order to be a good steward of my energies and to help myself through this journey, I have opted to focus on the positive.  The things that I am grateful for. 

I am grateful for so much. 

I am grateful today for a husband that loves and celebrates my idiosyncrasies.  He doesn't blink twice when I walk the house with smoking sage.  Purifying the very air which we are breathing.  He understands all the things that makes me who I am. 

The other day I asked him if my beliefs and actions concerned him, as they are a bit counter to his own.  If he'd regretted marrying someone that is a bit odd by societies standards. He just laughed.  And said nope, I assumed I was marrying a witch when I married you, so nothing you do surprises me.  I am not a witch (most days), I cannot wiggle my nose and make things happen.  I do deeply trust my intuition and things I somehow just know.  He's learned to do that also.

I am grateful for his understanding that I am a creative soul and I vibrate the highest when I am able to create in many mediums and styles.  He built me a fire to combat the cold and chill of the air yesterday.  He helped me to create my own little nest in my sitting room (yes it is ours, but I claim it!).  He gave me space and peace to listen to music that cleanses and calms my soul.  He kept my coffee cup filled and showered me with love.

I think he knew that I have been in a struggle spot.  And knew intuitively how to help me heal.

I am thankful that one of the gifts he's given me is my spinning wheel.  We couldn't afford it at the time.  I was happy with my drop spindles.  But he wasn't interested in hearing what I was saying. 

Yesterday for hours the smooth alpaca wool slid though my fingers.  I have met the alpaca this wool came from.  She is a true beauty.  I felt blessed and honored to spin her wool into a soft yarn.  To know that I will make something delightful with it. I don't know that I have enough to make a sweater, but maybe a scarf and hat set?  We shall see. 

I was a million miles from this plane yesterday.  The embers of the fire crackling, the warmth from the hot coffee, the tactile calming of that soft fiber.  The rhythmic motion of the treadle pedals spinning my wheel.

As I wandered mindlessly through the task I'd decided to do, I felt calm.  I felt grace.  I felt immense gratitude. 

During this crazy time, when the world is slowing, when life is rapidly changing.  I challenge each of you to find the grace to love, the courage to be grateful, and the love to support others through what is a very unsure and frightening time.

I posted yesterday that everything is as it should be.  I firmly believe that.  There is nothing to fear.  Fear is one of the lowest of energies, don't give in. Be grateful, thankful and live in love! 

Sanford and Son? Or simply thrifty?

Note to self... cutting up semi-frozen chicken to make jerky treats for the dogs when it is roughly 6 degrees outside... well that might be slightly stupid!  Fingers are not loving life too much right now, but in the morning when I snuggle my boys after the come inside on a too cold morning and give them a treat that I know is healthy and not full of chemicals.  It will feel amazing!  They will know I love them, I will know that I have made a difference in the quality of their lives.

Tonight Hubby and I stopped at the grocery on our way home, needed the chicken for my boys, and a few random groceries.  Hubby was craving some chili to help him warm up on these cold days. I know I don't make it enough, but he loves it! I am fairly sure that I have written before that I am trying to focus on feeding him good healthy, home made foods.  I want to get back to basics.  Not making processed junk that possibly has more chemicals than foods.  I am still trying to figure out the chemicals necessary to make milk good for three weeks.  I actually can't think about that, it makes my brain hurt worse than it already does.

So my list involved the exterior of the store, I wish they had the bread flour that I was looking for, and I would have gone to another store, but I was pretty wiped out. So I bought another brand, not my favorite, but it will do for this grocery cycle. We bought a few junk items, we are not that enlightened yet, but very few items that had multiple  "non-recognizable as food ingredients." There are still a few processed frozen ingredients, I am struggling to balance a crazy work schedule with the life I want to live.

The shocking thing.  As we checked out, I was playing a game I always play in my head.  Guess the taxes. We live in a state that loves to tax everything, we have sin taxes if there is the slightest bit of sugar or flour in what you buy.  Usually I end up so angry, the taxes are usually at least $10 for a $100 shopping trip.  Today... less than $4 for $145.  Seriously?  Who would have thought? By slowing things down and doing them the way we used to... I am saving money?

All of these things appeal to me.

Tonight I was asked... Does your yard look like Sanford & Son. Well no, not always.  I do currently have windows waiting to become a green house back there.  And my freezer out back needs to be sanded and painted.  My garden beds are pretty sad right now, I didn't beat the weather to clear them out.

As I was thinking about that, I was thinking about what matters the most to me.  My family, my fur babies, my home, my gardens and my skills as a home maker.  Ironically the person that asked me, I have known since I first discovered that part of me that longs for a simpler time.  My Greek landlady inspired me in ways that defy words. 

Those two years were very critical to who I have become.  The quiet act of living life, the peaceful afternoons, the fiery conversations over dinner followed by ouzo. The beauty of a garden, the power of the presses making olive oil, simple kitchen just outside the main living areas to keep the temperature more even inside for the family.

I can still remember the raised garden beds of the neighbors house. Pappas handing up carrots to my sister, he all dressed in his black priest garb, she too young to understand and being frightened.  I remember being encouraged to dry my own grapes for the first time.  The sweetness of those raisins is something I will never forget.  I will forever remember Mammas encouraging me to work on the needle point that I was so unskilled for, curious and shocked that a girl of such an advanced age did not know how to make a simple tapestry.  After all who heard of a girl over 10 that could not do basic needlework?

Maybe it does look a bit like that.  Maybe my boxes of supplies for the soaps I make, or fibers that will become a beautiful yarn for use in a piece of clothing... maybe those would seem the same.

I am really okay with it.  My yard will not have straight rows carefully mowed into it.  But when I am canning my harvest, sharing with friends and loved ones, I will never utter the words... I should have mowed more carefully, or made sure my flower beds (no I don't plant those, fyi) were more beautiful that any others. 

My time and energy is finite.  I won't waste minutes on things that have no value.  I am a suburban country girl.  I wash my body with fine soaps that I have made, my wash cloths have been made with my own two hands.  I clothe those I love, and my quilts will wrap you warm as you drift to sleep.  My food that I have grown will nourish my family and my messes... well they are mine alone.

I am proud of me.  I am proud to be married to a man that can truly appreciate those eccentricities and nurtures them.  Maybe the long hair, long skirts or jeans and Birkenstock's should have given it all away... hmm... maybe... Thank the Lord he brought me a husband that cherishes those things, encourages and loves me smudges and all!

Spinning away a Cold...

I have been very bad about posting... work, a cold and a minor flare, have all conspired to give me the give-a-darns about everything.

I have simply wanted to curl up in a ball and rest.  Luckily, it feels like the cold is moving on, either that or the medicine has me completely fooled.  And that is a distinct possibility!  I can admit that I am really glad today is Friday, even if I am going to "work" tomorrow.  Although I am strictly going to play!

Before finding this miserable cold laying around in Kansas City, I was able to get 8 ounces of the softest, most beautiful wool spun.  Now even though there are projects on the needles and things I need to do, I am wanting to create something with it.  I don't know what... just something.  Anything!  It is such a beautiful color with the softest drape, I love playing with beautiful things.  Freckleberry, you will not have to wait for long.

After finding this cold, I could have done without it ya know, I only managed to spin 4 ounces.  It is even more beautiful (if that is possible) and I wish I had bought more of it at the time, sadly I simply wasn't sure I could see it's finished beauty at the time. But I do believe there is plenty for a hat, or a mobius, or maybe a set of wristers.  It's simply breathtaking, and perfectly named.  Happy Place.

My wheel sure didn't want to let me finish that one.  I am still a tad cranky at it.  The tension band snapped several times and finally gave up.  If I hadn't been feeling so miserable and looking at that beautiful bag full of fibers just waiting to be, I am fairly certain it would not have created the childish meltdown I had.  But throw a tantrum I did.  My frustration level was off the charts.  Hindsight being twenty-twenty... it was all good.  I needed to rest, so it just forced me to do so.

Hubby and I managed to stretch a 4.5 hour trip home into almost 9 hours neither of us was really wanting to drive so far without a few stops.  First stop took us to the Harley Davidson Factory.  How could we be so close and not stop in?  It was really interesting. We both sat on a few of the sample bikes, and I discovered that I am no where near tall enough to even consider being able to ride one of the models they make there.  I will stick to being a passenger.

We had lunch at a Mongolian Grill, Hubby proposed to me the last time we had ate at one.  Ours closed shortly thereafter. Seemed every place we went in KC had fried oreo's on the menu and inquiring minds need to know... so we tried them.  I am going to say, skip that particular dessert... ewwww...

I didn't even manage to complete a set of wristers on the drive back.  I simply wasn't feeling up to it.  Yesterday it was all about work, and today ... well we will see what today brings?

Just when I was feeling at my lowest yesterday, the cold seriously winning out on all else, struggling to get through the task at hand.  Wondering if my career choice really made a difference in anyone's life, feeling like I was doing stuff simply out of habit and really not making a difference at all....When one of our members came by my office to repeat to me the story he had just been sharing in the lobby.  I almost cried, because it was so awesome to hear "I love this Y, it is my second home, in fact it is my son's second home too.  In fact I think that because of this Y my son stayed out of trouble and is in college now." Wow! Just WOW! That is what makes it worth it!

Today, with a slightly clearer head I will tackle the day, maybe being that difference for another.  And wait for my grand baby to show up!