losing my mind?

Get the puppies fixed at the same time they said, it will be easier they said... she agreed... now she is seriously questioning her sanity and intelligence.  For this moment they are sound asleep.  Hopefully that is how the majority of the day is going to go, although it does mean I am sitting here basically watching their every move.  Why?  Because those darn cones of shame are HORRIBLE!  If I watch them they don't have to wear them and they can actually rest.  

The did really well, although Belle ended up with a nicked spleen, so she is requiring a bit more observation and an additional trip to the vet tomorrow morning to check her blood counts.  They both are eating good and keeping them calm is definitely a full time job.  Thank goodness for "doggie downers".  Trying to keep two incredibly busy puppies calm and stopping them from running is brutal.  I ended up barricading the three of us in a single room.  The sofa and chairs have things stacked on them, not that it's stopped Belle from trying to climb it anyhow, hence the non-stop observation. 

finally got him to lie down... sort of

he decided to melt...

Just got home... exhausted

She needed her daddy, 
he's demonstrating the reason for cones

He stayed like this for 30 minutes,
refusing to move

There are four different beds lying on the floor in this room, they are both snuggled together on a single one. But at least they are resting. I am hoping that all of the repeating of no jumping to our little Belle will finally break her of jumping up.  That would be a huge side bonus.  She is just so excited with life that she cannot make herself be calm. She is our energetic little baby. 

Beau is definitely the family drama king.  He was whining, fussing and basically throwing a tantrum for over an hour last night.  At the two hour mark I told him to suck it up.  He wasn't in pain, not in the least, unless you count the pain of indignation.  He loathes the cone, he will be perfectly fine, the cone is put on so he can go to sleep in his kennel (and mom can go to bed) and he is absolutely dying!  The whine is so high pitched your ears ring add to that the non-stop panting and mounting panic attack.  It is fairly extreme.  I thought he was in deep distress last night, until I realized it was all an attempt to get rid of the cone. 

At one point he'd struggle enough to tighten it, but by then it wasn't too tight, I checked.  In fact at one point he discovered he was able to remove it by pushing it against the kennel.  If I hadn't been so exhausted at that point I would have cracked up, he froze and didn't make eye contact - almost as if he thought if he didn't look at me I wouldn't notice that he'd gotten it 3/4 of the way off. It was so funny.  The look was pure disbelief and amazement coupled with a touch of slyness.  

I get it, I truly do, I would be miserable.  I mean I didn't do so great just sitting in a bed unable to move about. I completely understand. I ordered some inflatable collars last night, they should be here today.  Hopefully they will make sleeping a bit easier for them.  They could barely move in their kennels because of those huge things. 

While my babies rest coneless today, I have to stay within eyesight. They both want to explore their surgery sites, so I will spend the day sitting, resting and probably knitting myself.  Yesterday was crazy.  You would not believe the canning I completed.  The counter tops were covered with mason jars this morning.  Carrots, veggie broth and oven roasted marinara rounded out the items completed.  I opened a can of the carrots to feed the babies this morning and was shocked at how tasty they are, nothing like the canned kind from the grocery store, we will definitely need more of those.  Hubs will not believe how good they are, and when he finds out, I will struggle to keep up.  

Oven Roasted Marinara and Vegetable Broth

did I try too much at once?

I don't have a butter mold,
so this is the best it is

I even made a couple of pounds of butter, as I had way too much heavy cream that I was not going to be able to use by yesterday.  FYI, if you haven't tried it, you definitely should! It was so very easy, although I wasn't prepared for the immense splashing when it crossed from whip cream to butter, and had removed the towel guard prematurely. I opted not to salt it, although I will probably salt the next batch.  Frankly, I'm tired of wasting stuff. I've reached the point if we can't use it all I will either be canning, dehydrating or ... finding another way to preserve it. I am not okay with tossing anything out anymore, have you seen those prices? 

The fence was finished by 3 pm, I need to call the city to have them come and inspect it, but it looks amazing.  I can't wait for the babies to feel good enough to go out and play. I decided to go with eastern cedar, I don't want to have to paint it. I couldn't believe they managed to complete it in less than 6 hours, they were definitely a power team. They were very impressive, the company - not so much!

Now I am finding myself daydreaming about what I can do to put some beautiful plants all around it. My friend gifted me some Rose of Sharon seeds and I am thinking those might be beautiful on the back side of the fence.  Then ones that are currently there are looking like they have definitely hit the end of their days. In fact I was noticing yesterday that one of them looks like it might have finally died over the winter. I also thin I'm going to get Hubs to help me make a raised bed along the one wall, just high enough that two busy puppies don't feel the need to taste test everything and deep enough that I can plant a wide variety of things in it.  It's kind of in a dead zone in the yard that gets lots of wonderful sunshine. 

Oh well, reality is that I probably have a full 7 to 10 days to daydream and plan.  These babies are going to keep mom hopping! It's time to get with it, I'm super sleepy today from lack of sleep last night, thank you drama king, so I need to keep busy...

love and peace..

silence...

Anyone else cherish the sound of silence?  Me and my aching head are seriously enjoying sitting here with Puppies asleep in my chair (yep, I moved - not disturbing them right now), no music, no sounds from outside, nothing but silence.  To the point that all I can hear is the sound of the keys being tapped and the soft ringing sound of silence in my ears. 

I'm so tired of this headache.  My sister says I need to see a chiropractor, she is probably right, but I don't have one that I see and I simply don't feel like playing the find one that is good and starting from scratch game.  I keep telling Hubs I need a massage, for some reason for the past few weeks everything is hurting again.  I try not to buy into the 5G hysteria, but something changed recently, and I can't figure out what it is.  Maybe I need to see an energy healer?  I don't know, but this low grade headache is definitely wearing on my nerves and patience.  It's making me grouchy.  

I might end up scheduling a deep tissue massage very, very soon. Anyone know of a holistic doc anywhere?  Oh well, first world problems right?

It will be a quiet day here, everyone is working somewhere else, so it's just me and the pups.  The beautiful sunshine is trying to trick me into spring fever, making me want to dig into my garden beds and feel the dirt under my nails.  That is still a few weeks or maybe months away.  The 59 degree weather next week will only make it worse.  I wish I had a cold box, then I could at least start the microgreens, lettuces and even some radishes.  But the way my yard is there really isn't anyway to put up a cold box.  Such a bummer. 

As we worked to clean up the deck yesterday, I realized I do not want to put up another structure to block the sun.  I love the shade out there making it wonderful to sit and enjoy the fresh air, but frankly, I love how clean and open it looks without all of that. I was standing out there last night and could actually see all the deer down the hill.  Nothing was blocking my view of the stars or moon, it was absolutely heavenly. So Hubs and I are going to explore alternatives, maybe an umbrella for those brutally hot days or when it is raining softly in the springtime and we want to enjoy the weather. 

We've also officially decided to put up a fence.  The pups are going to need it.  There is a lot of debate about how much of the yard to fence, the style of fencing, etc.  Our yard is an odd shape and the majority of it goes straight down a steep hill, we don't want to have to deal with that situation, so we are going to look at it a bit differently.  We also need to be aware that depending on how we fence it we will no doubt need two gates as the back of the house is not designed to allow access of the mower, you simply have to go in a "u" shape around the house. So much to consider, this is one of the reasons we never put one in before. I think I am going to leave the logistics to Hubs, I will be the one here to deal with it all, but he can contact and tell them the perimeters, this one calls for team work. 

Well, the rest and silence didn't last long today, the pups are awake and busy.  So I guess I will move on with my day.  Lots to do... 

love and peace...

the art of unbusy...

Up early, refreshed and ready to start the day!

Actually I've already started.  Kitchen is cleaned and ready for me to start doing some of the practices in my cooking class.  I have to tell you, the part leading up to this was boring me to NO end... I guess I know more about cooking than I thought and it was drudgery.

I used my new linen kitchen towels that I made yesterday, I am in love!  There will definitely be more of those in my future!  Not only do they look so awesome, they work fantastic.  Hubs and I were both a bit skeptical. 

I love those little successes.

So... I've been pondering what unbusy really means to me.  I don't do well with just sitting and doing basically nothing.  It simply isn't in my DNA, Hubs can relax into a movie and sit still for hours.  Part of me envies him that.  The other part cannot figure out how he hasn't gone batty.

For me, unbusy looks a lot more like having time that isn't structured or full of external demands.  A chance to simply do the things that fill my mental and emotional bucket.  I am a very creative person.  I feel the most fulfilled when I have the chance to be "doing".  Even watching a movie involves my hands moving - one of the primary reasons I don't like going to movie theaters.  It requires me to sit, just sit.  Ugghhh... can anyone say torture chamber?

I don't even sit well in a training or meeting.  I get distracted and my mind starts to wander, I mean seriously wander.  I start looking for that escape in my mind that my body cannot achieve in that moment.  But let me have even a pen and piece of paper to keep my hands mindlessly moving and my brain can completely engage again.

Yesterday was a very unbusy day for me.  I felt refreshed and rested.  Yet reflecting back, I accomplished so many things. The difference was that they were things that made me feel whole.  Things that filled me and enriched me.  Things that allowed me to grow and learn in areas that are important to me.

It wasn't spreadsheets, reports, forms, etc.  I don't mind those things, they are a part of my job.  I love my job most days.  But it doesn't meet all the needs that I have as a person.  And it shouldn't. And of course I dream about the day when I can retire and return to being a homemaker. 

There are many things that I miss about life.  I have a busy and consuming career, some things have been put on the shelf.  I will dust them off some day and resume where I left off.  But for now, when I can find those moments to look at them, touch them, renew my acquaintance with them - well I treasure those moments.

As I was sitting at my sewing machine yesterday, I was completely engrossed in what I was working on, but there were moments my mind started to wander to the half finished projects on the shelves (those darn shelves again) that were calling out.  Reminding me that they were there.  The pile of quilt tops on the dresser were literally shouting for me to take one down and load it on the long arm.  Pleading to be completed.  I could hear my heart softly whispering to them that their time was coming. 

And it is.

I am fairly positive that I will be putting one on the frame before the winter comes.  I'm longing to stand there work the designs in that will take it from being a quilt top, to being a finished useful quilt. It needs a bit more "unbusy" time than I have right now.  But winter and it's stillness are coming. 

I was even daydreaming about bringing one of my quilting frames upstairs, putting one of the old quilt tops that I inherited on it and starting to hand quilt it.  That is probably going to happen sooner than later also. 

I just have a few more projects that are dear to my heart that have more of a timeline to complete first.  I want all of the soaps done before the middle of November.  They all need cure time, not every soap I make is a melt and pour - one and done kind of thing.  In fact most of them are not. Hubs is often giving them away for Christmas gifts.  I sometimes sell a few of them, but mostly, I simply love the smell they give our home.

I have to work today, we are working on giving our fitness center a face lift, it's a very intense project that is requiring a bit of time and attention.  Before I go though, I feel like I will engage in a bit more "unbusy". 

I have several batches of soap that I want to complete, I want to do my practices, and of course I feel like there should be a few more inches put onto the wrap I am making for myself.

Over the course of this year, I have been working on doing more things that fill my bucket.  Things that improve my health be it physical or mental.  Hubs has been along for the ride.  I have to say I believe the key thing in my world is his undying love and support.  His understanding of who I am as a person. 

Yesterday he made a comment that had me smiling for hours.  He had taken a nap while I was sewing.  Before heading downstairs to relax with a movie, he leaned over my shoulder with a soft kiss and said "all is right with the world".  I asked what he meant and he explained that I was creating, I was in my happy place.  And that it made him happy too.

His eagerness to be my test buddy when I make new soaps, recipes, etc, is powerful stuff.  Unless it involves avocado (and he's getting better about that - although his favorite way to have avocado is in the soap he loves) it rarely requires any coaxing.

I guess in my long, roundabout way, and thinking through it all.  For me, unbusy isn't stopping.  It's moving on to the things that keep me fulfilled as a person.  I have to grow, learn, create.  For me it is as essential as sleeping and eating.  I don't do well with the status quo. 

Well the big boy is waiting for his long morning walk and Hubs has gone back upstairs to sleep a bit longer. So I guess Neeko and mom are going to go and enjoy this beautiful morning.  At least it isn't raining... then it is back to being unbusy!

the gift of time...

Dearest Mother Earth, thank you for the gift of this beautiful rainy autumn day. Thank you for the gift of stopping and slowing down.  Of doing the things that fill my heart and soul with love and joy.

This day has been just what I needed to soothe my weary soul.  When it is nice and sunny outside mentally I have to be "busy".  Running errands, accomplishing to do lists that seem all important.  Does the yard need work, do I need to go and do... I see a sunny day and my mind kicks into over drive.  I feel guilty wasting the beautiful day.

I originally woke at 3:30 am this morning.  Hubs and I are in an ongoing battle with our Nest thermostat.  We are very worn with it changing the temperature we set.  It seems to always want us warmer than we want to be. This morning, it woke me up over heated due to the fact that the heater we set at 67 before going to bed, somehow miraculously reset itself to 70 overnight.  After resetting it to 67, I decided to read, I didn't want to be up.  I have been doing far too much of that lately and it is wearing me down.

It wasn't raining as I lie there reading and trying to fight off that ever present to do list in my mind.  I was very aware that this is my only day off this week.  That there was much to accomplish or at least that is what I want to make myself believe, but I simply didn't want to be awake.

As the heater stopped pumping that warm air around me and I cooled down I felt the heavy presence of sleep beckoning me back.  Next thing I knew, it was 8:30 am and what woke me was the pounding of raindrops hitting the chimney top.  The wind whistling reassured me I wasn't dreaming.  I'd just mentally been gifted a day!

Still semi-asleep I navigated the stairs to the kitchen, in search of coffee.  I never get that much sleep and almost felt drugged from it. My sweet Hubs had just the cure, Lucy's and coffee... Yum! If it didn't wake me, it might put me back to nap time.

He joined me in the living room, hot coffee, windy rain, and a television show about the infancy stage of technology.  It was quite interesting.  I sat and mindlessly knit for a couple of hours, no guilt was present.  It felt so wonderful.  The yarn sliding through my fingers, the needles rhythmic clicking, the rain, the wind, the wind chimes sweetly moving. 

It was about an hour in, that I decided to relish and savor this gift of a day.  Groceries could wait, laundry... that too!  I was stealing this moment in time.

After our show was over and I'd switched to straight black coffee, I mean I wanted to enjoy the day not drift through it in a blur, I sat for a moment and pondered what I wanted this day to hold.  Hubs went upstairs for his morning nap, and I watched a few lessons.  Glancing up several times to watch the brilliant red orange tree outside my bay window doing some crazy swirling dance. 

For a moment my eyes rested on my neglected spinning wheel.  But my heart wasn't being pulled there, it would have to sit for a bit longer. As I got up to refill my coffee I walked past all the piles of soap making supplies that had arrived.  My favorite company has a large sale on kits, so I got the bonus of more molds and everything pre-measured.  As my gaze lingered a few more moments, I decided I might as well whip up a couple of batches of the melt and pour Cashmere that Hubs likes.  And that Galaxy Soap was definitely trying to get my attention.  Why not...

Oh wait... yep the linen that I had purchased to make dishtowels was calling out from my sewing room.  The soap was going to have to wait.  Full cup of coffee, phone to provide soothing music and I closed myself into my sewing room.  It's the first project I have worked on since cleaning it.  It was such a soothing experience to walk in, have everything at hand and simply start.  No clearing space, no digging through piles, simply a space and time to start. 

I will admit there was a moment of panic when I couldn't find a single measuring tape.  Not one.  And I have LOTS!  Opening my antique cabinet from Poland I quickly discovered the drawer that I had stashed them all and I was off and running.

I know that you can buy dishtowels super cheap - I get it.  I mourn that we have reached a point in our world where people just rush out to the store to purchase whatever is needed.  Where we are less self-sufficient and more wasteful of resources.  I long for days gone by, where there was a plan for things like that.  Where making a dishtowel was common place, a necessity to be able to accomplish chores.

It only took an hour to cut and sew the seams on the linen.  I knew they needed to be washed, dried and then ironed before they could be used. Supposedly, they will never need to be ironed again.  We will see.  They are also supposed to be super absorbent.  I'll do some dishes later to give that a test.

I ultimately decided to make a couple batches of the melt and pours.  They turned out very nice.  Hubs is already eyeballing the Galaxy with its soft violet scent, he is my official soap tester, he requires lots of lather and a good scent for it to pass his test.

Now the towels are done, oh yeah, I might have finished some other mending that had been waiting for my attention (I will always fix something if I can, I hate to through things out). The soaps are mostly out of the molds - these ones don't require sitting to cure - they are ready to roll.  I've done several lessons and sat and rested.

This gift of a day, has been exactly what I needed.  A chance to rest, relax and catch up.  Mother Earth knew what my heart and soul needed, this rain was supposed to be gone by ten.  Here it is after five and it's still raging on. 

In a moment Hubs and I will get dressed, we are going to stop by a Halloween party that my boss is throwing, we ended up missing it last year. After that... maybe I will do a few of those "chores", since I will already to be out and about.. That way tomorrow only involves me working on my lessons, a day for cooking and learning new skills...

We will see.

soapy...

So... yesterday I might have gotten wrapped up in soap making, just a little bit.  Or maybe a lot.  There are currently 4 brand new batches in molds, scenting up the house with the batch of Wild Rose from last weekend. Depending on which way you turn you will smell roses, lemongrass and tea tree, white lily and aloe or raspberry ale.  Not to mention the aging soaps that are already keeping the new ones company. 

I was only going to make the one, get the supplies off the counter now that I had a enough beer ice cubes.  I didn't intend to go soap making crazy.  I didn't.  But it was misty cool outside, and I rapidly found myself melting right along with the oils and butters. 

I have had the ingredients for a long minute or two.  I just hadn't found the time.  I kept telling myself that there simply was not enough time for me to dig in and make soap.  I created something bigger than it was, and I'm not really sure why.

As I stirred the beer ice cubes and lye together, I became mesmerized.  If you haven't made soap you might not realize that when lye is added to the liquid, the result can often get very hot, very quickly. Watching the reaction between the beer cubes and lye was so different.  As I stirred to melt them down, watching it become a dark cloudy liquid I felt the calmness sinking in that creating often causes. 

Raspberry Ale Soap

Before I knew it, the Raspberry Ale soap was molded, the top sprinkled with poppy seeds, looking a bit darker than anticipated. And I was already starting the next batch of lye water.  I couldn't stop myself.  The careful measuring, the steady rhythm of the steps.  The consistency. I kept telling Hubs I was going to be done "after this batch"... 

the towels are keeping the Triple Butter warm

One batch of the awesome Triple Butter led into another.  I buy this one as a kit, the measuring is all done for me, less waste that way, and I hadn't realized I had bought those two with molds.  No reason to slow down to wait for a mold.  The scent vaguely reminiscent of Fruit Loops.  Lemongrass and Tea Tree oils mix together in a clean, slightly fruity scent. 

I really wanted to make the Caffeinated batch, but realized I only had one ice cube tray (recently vacated of the frozen beer cubes) and needed frozen coffee for that one.   Quick wash while the super strong pot of coffee was brewing means that I can make that one today. 

Not ready to stop, I started looking through recipes that I had in a nice neat pile.  Soaps that I have purchased all the ingredients for, yet hadn't made time to make.  Before I knew it and yes after I had cleaned up completely, I found myself preparing the embed for the beautiful Chrysanthemum Soap that has lingered in my I wanna do pile for over a year. 

I finally stopped when I ran out of disposable gloves.  I am not a fan of lye burns.  They aren't terrible, but why cause pain if you don't need to.  Those random little flecks that flit around during the process of making lye water bite. 

Chrysanthemum Soap - White Lily and Aloe scented

I will get some more gloves today.  I have several other soaps that I am hoping to finish.  The calm that it brings is something I need in my crazy world right now... 

Well, time to get this day started... Enjoy your Sunday!

hurrying...

As I was driving to work today I wasn't chatting with anyone, I was simply listening to music and absorbing my surroundings.  I was lost in a million thoughts about what I was seeing and for a moment in time in awe of the sheer volume of cars on the highway as I drove in.

Actually it started before I even left to head to work.  Hubs and I were a bit delayed in walking Neeko, he was being lazy and didn't want to get out of bed - truthfully neither did I - so we got ready before taking him out.  He'd woken daddy up for a middle of the night potty, he felt no need to rise and shine.  We were walking him, enjoying the sunrise far off to the east, watching the sky get progressively brighter not even 6:30 am on a beautiful Saturday morning.  And all around us the world was already springing to life.  

Neighbors leaving in their cars, walking and getting exercise.  People simple were up and ready to face the world. 

It got me to wondering what happened to the lazy weekend mornings my sisters and I enjoyed as kids.  Laying around in our pj's, munching on our toast or cereal, watching our favorite cartoons on piles of pillows and blankets. I mean sure we had weekend activities, but they didn't start until later in the day.  There was always time to simply be. 

About 45 minutes later I'm heading into work.  Driving along.  Absorbing everything around me.  Trying to merge onto the highway that takes me into the heart of the city and my Y, I realize there are almost as many cars as there are Monday through Friday.  Everyone in a hurry to get somewhere.  

Hazy drivers, gulping down coffee or some other beverage.  Often looking dazed and blinded by the morning light.  Little cars packed with the types of signs you see when there are estate sales or open houses.  Trucks heading to job sites. 

Do we ever rest anymore?

Can we?

Hubs was off bright and early, he was taking advantage of not having to take time off work to do some routine lab work, there is a lab that is open on Saturday's down the road a bit from our home, he figured if he headed in early he'd be in and out.  Or maybe not... seems 4 other folks had the same idea. 

I turned down one of the residential streets that would take me to the branch, I see another group of men gathered around a house that is under renovation, by the huge dumpster in the drive, my guess was they were getting ready to put a new roof on. All of them bundled up in layers to take off as the chill of the morning gives way to the beautiful fall day we have been promised. 

Pulling into our back parking area, I see the sports director off in the fields, working on making sure the stripes are crisp and clean, that nothing had disturbed them overnight.  The morning mist was still rising from the fields.  It was still hazy out.  The sun just cresting above all the buildings and trees.  

Soon the kids would start arriving, soon there would be tons of activity. 

I guess for some reason, I am struggling with the constant factor of life today.  The lack of times to shut off the alarm and simply exist.  The cups of coffee on the deck while the sun rises and the crisp air surrounds us.

I was blessed to be part of a retreat this week.  They held it at the zoo.  I sometimes struggle with the offerings.  Not because they aren't good, but because they don't often speak to me and my personal needs.  Each of us are different and have a different path we are following, so as the adage goes you cannot please everyone all of time... This one was different.  I encountered very few negative Nellies. And the focus was on personal development.  Not career development, although that definitely was a great side benefit for our Y. 

It did not hurt that my assigned table was right in front of a HUGE window that formed a side the one of the aquariums at Rivers Edge.  Because it was so calming to watch the giant catfish meander through the waters.

They had different speakers that focused on us as people.  My favorite yogi, did a great presentation on meditation and the value it brings to you.  I have to say, I was so excited that was my first presentation of the day.  I enjoyed it so much, and think I need to get her to make a few YouTube video's on mediation. I was sharing it with Hubs this morning.  Asking him to explore it deeper with me.  I felt so good after starting my morning out like that.  It was also interesting to think about all the times I find myself completely engrossed in one of my hobbies, that I am actually in a state of meditation.  No wonder I always feel better after times of intense creativity. 

The next one for me was on True Colors - I had never heard of this, and found it intensely interesting and accurate.  I wasn't at all surprised by my outcome.  I was the prefect split between blue and gold with strong green tendencies... And almost zero orange.  I know that sounds as silly as it comes, but what it comes down to is that I am a perfect mix of a relater and builder, with a strong tendency towards planning and I am absolutely not an adventurer! When I looked at the definitions for both of my strong categories, it was shockingly spot on!  The pro's and the con's.  And I couldn't relate at all to the orange categories - completely not who I am as a person!  But it was interesting and engaging and I always feel that knowing about who you are as a person and the people you surround yourself with makes stronger relationships!

The final one was a mental health presentation.  By far my least favorite, it simply didn't speak to me, but I did get some helpful tidbits.  

The final part was a scavenger hunt throughout the zoo.  I love our zoo!  And I got to really get to know some of my peers and co-workers better.  It definitely filled my bucket!

It felt for a moment like slowing down and putting things into perspective.  In a week full of insanity in the rush about world.  It was nice to slow down and breathe. 

Still really questioning where we are pushing ourselves to, what the outcome is.  This non-stop hurrying about isn't really good for anyone.

I feel like all of us need a moment or two where we simply stop. We need to focus on us. 

I am as guilty as the next, after all this morning, required me coming to work... actually it will be another week before I have a full day off.  I'm already feeling the six days I've completed this week.  I struggled hard to get up this morning. 

Rushing home for work it was definitely time for a hygge moment or two... A hot bowl of Chickpea and Potato Curry with some yummy fresh baked bread for lunch and another batch of soap is curing.  That's two...

My bucket is feeling empty, I needed some me time!

Getting ready to make a few more batches of soap and take a few more chapters of my cooking class. And if I am not too tired, I think I might head up to my sewing room. I need to be creative. 

a time to ignore...

The river was calling, we might have ignored it. 

Both of us were dressed and ready.

We enjoyed the morning at Veg Fest, tried so many new things, met new people and marveled at the incredible turn out.  We truly enjoyed the sunny, crisp morning. Found an amazing pizza, all the ingredients for a completely vegan charcuterie plate, tasted so many cheezes, and enjoyed a scoop of vegan sorbet from Clementines.

We had such a wonderful morning, enjoying the sights, sounds, scents and tastes.  As we were walking back to the car, down the hill, enjoying the day we decided to skip the river. We knew the river would wait.

Both of us were tired.  We've been working a lot.  Hours have been long and there hasn't been much opportunity for rest.  In fact this weekend is pretty much the only one that we could steal the majority of just for us for the next few weeks.  It will be November before there is a chance to take a complete breath.

So we opted to breath.  We came home, we napped, we sat out back on our deck and enjoyed the colors and fall day rocking on the deck. I put together our charcuterie plate and opened a nice bottle of local red wine.

Enjoying the day with my best friend... Priceless!

This morning before we left I managed to get a batch of soap made, the kitchen area is currently filled with the soft scent of wild roses.  I cannot wait to unmold and cut it.  I am so excited to see the beauty of the colors, the gentle swirls are things that will reveal themselves.

I thought about starting on the Raspberry Ale Soap, the ice cubes have been frozen for over a month, instead I am curled up in my chair enjoying a Hallmark movie with my sweet Hubs.  A Walton's Wedding, I loved the Walton's. So needless to say, I am enjoying this evening. 

I didn't plan to slow down, I didn't plan to rest.  I am thankful that we have.  I needed it.

just being...

Is there anything better than an unbusy, busy autumn weekend?  Yesterday was a great day.  Full of adventures, fun, relaxation and a bit of busy. Today promises more of the same.

The sun is still snoozing, it's off in the East tucked into bed.  The air all around us is crisp and refreshing and the colors of autumn are just starting to pop. I love this time of year! I have more energy and the desire to just "be" is so strong. 

It brings on a sense of nesting.  I don't really decorate for most holidays anymore - Christmas being the exception.  I don't feel a need to put out Halloween goodies, I much prefer getting out the blankets to cuddle in, maybe a few more candles or a more earthy incense.  Things that make you feel that fall comfort factor that I love so much. 

Before we headed out the the Farmer's Market, Psychic Fair and craft show yesterday I took an hour to make a batch of soap.  It wasn't one that required measuring or anything else.  Just a melt and pour kit that I had purchased some time ago.  It smells heavenly!  Whoever thought of that scent in conjunction with cashmere was pure genius! It's got flecks of pumpkin colored mica sprinkled throughout and smells soft and inviting.  Hubs asked if it was a guy soap or a girl soap... hmmm wasn't really sure how to answer that one.  Guess I better get the beer soap made soon?  Or maybe more of the tobacco scent... although I don't feel that any soap is particularly male or female. Maybe the one I am using right now, that is scented with Lily of the Valley would be a bit more feminine with it's gentle floral over tones.  But the smell doesn't last and the creamy healthy lather is what is important. 

Soon this day will get busy, I'm not sure what I am making us for breakfast, but I did go to the Farmer's Market and pick up my bread yesterday... toast and coffee sounds perfect!  With sliced up juicy pears and crisp apples.  I might have spent a good deal of time yesterday selecting just the right ones. 

After a nice breakfast, I will probably whip up another batch of soap before we head out today. I wasn't joking when I said I was getting quite low.  Not all of the ones on my to make list are melt and pour, and none of the current list is hot processed.  Which means that they will need six weeks to cure.  We are just barely two months from Christmas and Hubs and I often gift handmade soaps.  I figure if I can pull off a batch or two each weekend, I should be stocked up again pretty soon.

The river road is calling, and we must go today.  It's going to be mild, perfect motorcycle weather after lunch.  Although I am afraid that it is still too early for the beautiful fall colors, we are definitely going to go in search of them.  It's such a beautiful ride, we will buzz around Brussels and probably go up through Pere Marquette Park.  If our friends decide to meet us, we will definitely stop at our favorite little winery.  Share a bottle and some snacks and enjoy the view and the company.  That part of the day remains to be seen. 

What is definite is that we will start with a visit to VegFest.  I am really looking forward to it. I love events like that.  They seem very quintessentially autumn to me.  

Just like yesterday at the Farmers Market.  

The scents, the sounds, the vibrant colors and the conversations.  I had a most delightful time speaking to all of the vendors that I purchased from.  I might be a sucker, but I prefer the small mom & pop places.  I bought my tomatoes, cucumbers and zucchini from this sweet older couple.  Bundled up against the chill, not really hassling anyone to come to their little tucked away stand.  She was working hard, he was catching a quick nap.  I felt drawn to spend my dollars on them.

Hubs always stocks up on genuine Cuban black bean soup.  The couple make it, she is from Cuba, and sell it at the farmers markets.  Usually he and the owner share a cup of hot Cuban coffee and while he chats and sips, I walk over to the bread booth.  I had a great conversation with him and now know where I will buy my breads after the market season ends.  

Wandering on, Hubs made friends first with the dog, then with the owners and their daughter.  He sat and visited, making fast friends as he always does. That is out of my comfort zone, so I was chatting with the delightful couple that have an organic farm just a bit down the road from our house, buying a wide sampling of beautiful vibrant colored radishes and peppers.  The husband makes the most beautiful carved prints and the wife wrote a book that I decided I had to have.  Their life journey and how they have chosen to raise their family would have been an ideal dream for me a lifetime ago.  It was a pure joy to support them. 

I'd bought a black bean and sweet potato tamale that was cooling in my baskets beside Hub while he chatted and I shopped.  The pup had gone off with mom, but dad and his little princess were happily eating their meat tamales and discussing a variety of things with Hubs as I returned, somehow Hubs had steered the conversation to eating meatless and I ended up sharing my tamale with the group.  

I feel so many things that make life memorable and real revolve around a shared meal or food.  His sweet little girl was too afraid to try the tamale when presented by Hubs and I, but munched it right down when Dad gave it to her.  

I enjoyed every moment of experiences at the market yesterday, I mean I could have lived without "the market master's" rudeness to Hubs, but we've known him for almost 20 years, it is simply who he is.  The sad part was when he came over to speak to Hubs later to apologize, his excuse for rudeness - he hadn't realized it was Hubs when he spoke.  Reality... no one should be ugly to anyone, and you should speak as kindly to a stranger as to a friend.  Like I said, it is simply who he is as a person.  

I believe we should live our lives and treat people gently.  Not everyone does.  Loud, hateful, rude or just plain mean does not make you important, it simply makes you sad. 

We also try to always support the craft show at the Y Hubs is based out of.  We've been going for over 10 years, in fact I even had a booth one year.  I was a bit sad at what it has become after visiting it yesterday.  So few true craft people.  In fact, it was mostly things like Tupperware, Pampered Chef, LulaRoe, and cheesy bulk purchased items for sale.  Not my idea of a craft show at all.  And it was so much smaller than it used to be in it's heyday.  I guess all things run their course. 

There were a few true crafters present.  

I bought a gift for Christmas for my mom from the sweetest little elderly woman.  It is definitely NOT a manufactured item, she was sitting there as sweet as can be in her Sunday best working on items to put at her table.  We talked for a bit about the meaning of the item I was purchasing and how excited I was by the craft she had made with her own two hands.  I asked the younger woman if they accepted debit cards, because I rarely have cash (luckily Hubs had cash).  She sweetly told me no, they only took cash or checks, it wasn't a business, simply something they did for fun.  I took my package and thanked them, her bright smile made my day, her words even more so as she told me that I had just made her day! I don't know if she sold a lot of items.  Like I said, they were definitely made with love and her own two hands.  They reminded me so much of things my great grandmother made.  Not perfect in a technical sense, absolutely perfect in the care and love that went into them. 

Hubs got a wreath for my work door, another unique and handmade item.  It made me laugh, "the witch is in". Absolutely.  Anyone that knows me knows how absolutely accurate that is.  

And finally, a big bag of piping hot kettle corn, fresh from the kettle.  The sweet couple selling it were not a "resaler" of other items, they were running their own business. They appeared to be old enough to be retired, she was in a wheelchair and he was slaving over the hot kettle.  As we waited I listened to her chatting with another woman wearing a sweatshirt from the same school her grandson attends wanting to know if they'd won their football game. 

I find pure joy in things like that.  In supporting people that are giving it their all.  I chose to shop where my dollars do the most good, I eat at local restaurants, I support the small places, not a fan of chains. Because it does make a difference. 

Last night after a great event at my Y, enjoying the laughter and smiles, the splashes and mummies, Hubs and I stopped at our favorite sushi spot.  I was simply too tired to go home and cook, and playing earlier meant I hadn't prepared for being hungry later.  

I noticed the prices had gone up.  Not a lot, about fifty cents a roll.  I wonder how many folks thought about that being the outcome when they voted to raise the minimum wage so much, so fast.  I will still go there, because every time I walk in, I am greeted by the owner, he is truly appreciative that we are there.  They are attentive and want the experience to be wonderful.  Because we matter to their business.  They all thank us for coming as we leave and always wish us a good night.  

It is worth it. 

Today will be another day filled with adventures.  It will have a nice balance of home and self-sustaining activities.  Will everything get done, nope.  But I won't beat myself up about it either.  Because I am definitely coming to learn that life is not a race.  It's about learning, growing, creating, being.

Yep, for me, life is about being.  And what a beautiful time it is to simply be...

lazy thoughts...

What does one do on a dreary October morning?  When the sky can't decide if it is a day of rain or shine?  Well this one has her sweet hubs build her a beautiful fire, puts on a snuggly wool sweater, pours a cup of coffee liberally laced with her favorite bourbon cream and she rests. She rests my answering emails to family members, watching the sun lighten the gray sky and looks at the leaves through the picture window as they turn amazing colors.

Isn't that what one should do on a morning like this? Hubs even brought me breakfast, slices of fresh farmer's market bread lavishly spread with maple whip.  I love our farmer's market. 

Hubs and I were hoping to get a motorcycle ride along the river road.  It doesn't appear that Mother Nature wants to cooperate. The temperature is perfect, it's the possibility of rain that is keeping us home.  He's down in the man-cave, I can hear his movie, we both need some relaxation time.

I am feeling marginally better.  And a nap might be in the plan for today.  I am also longing to make some soaps, Hubs has been on a mission lately to share them with all of his friends.  I need to build my stash back up.  Besides, Christmas is coming, I need to have some for my loved ones too.  Most of what lives in my stash right now is the stuff that didn't quite work out the way it was planned and it's my home use stash.  The uglies, perfectly usable, beauty in the eye of the beholder.

I also need to find a few hours for my cooking class.  I am a bit behind.  Need to go buy a white bowl and plate, they are required to submit your cooking pictures. Figures I don't have plain white, guess I am going to the dollar store. Mine are all pretty and busy, but I understand them not wanting the dishes to take away from the overall presentation.

Does anyone else get a sense of the clock racing forward once we hit October?  I always feel that April through August drags on, fairly certain that each month has at least 45 days in it and then it starts racing as we hit first September and then OctoberNovemberDecember... like it is all one run on sentence.

All the things I planned to do, get swept up in that where did the time go momentum and I just ride the wave and hope it turns out perfectly.

Before I know it my sweet boy (he will always be my boy) and his lady will be flying in from the coast, we will have two full weeks of love, laughter, games and experiences and then they will be gone again.  I hate that they are so far and life is so busy.  I would love more than the random week or weekend with them. So hard to believe he will be entering the last year of his 20's soon,  I've missed so much of it.

I'm still digging through the family tree and keep finding treasures I didn't know existed.  I wish that I could uncover the missing pieces to Hubs tree.  I feel a bit guilty that every time I blink there is new and exciting things lingering in my own tree and on his I am still stuck! I have no idea why roots and family are so important to me.  They just are.  I think it is probably connected to being a brat and not knowing my family.  I am enjoying chatting with a cousin lately, getting to know her has been interesting and fun.  Understanding where we are similar and where we are different.  It's like watching a flower unfold. 

This lazy day is starting to look prettier and I probably should get busy.  So... clean, soap, laundry, cook... my oh my the choices and opportunities are endless, sadly I feel a nap is first on the agenda. Hubs and Neeko have already beat me in that department. I hate the beginning of the school year colds that get shared so often. I often feel that I do not have enough time for the things important to me, so losing any of that time to extra naps feels so wasteful.

The fire has died down to embers and my coffee is cold.

Time to savor the day...

grateful...

The smell of my wood fire is lingering in the air.  I love it! It's a right of passage for me, it reminds me that fall has arrived and that cooler weather is finally here.  I am not a warm weather person, at all, so this is just perfect for me.

This morning found us hurrying off before the sun was fully up in the sky.  Our oldest grand daughter was marching in a band event in one of our favorite small towns.  Perfect!  It was like all the stars had aligned, we were home, had nothing going on and she remembered to share the date and time.  Oh yeah and it was a cool, crisp fall morning. 

Heaven!

We left early to enjoy breakfast at our favorite coffee shop, The Washington Coffee Shop, and were delighted to find that one of the judges stands was within sight.  Hubs found the perfect spot for us to watch for our talented little band geek.  Our girl gave up trying to get closer and watched from slightly further down the road.  Hubs, with his inability to sit still spent most of the morning walking between her spot and ours and getting more coffee.  My sick self, sat quietly and waited.

It was such a great day to relax in my comfy folding chair, sipping on my River Fog Tea, an absolutely yummy combination of Earl Grey, Vanilla, Lavender and steamed soy milk. They were the second from the last band through, so I had plenty of time to rest.

We were going to go riding, but I was longing for some family time.  I don't get enough of it, ironically sweet Hubs gets more time with our girls than I do.  His job is more of a 40 hour traditional week than mine.  And with it being budget season and the start of Annual Campaign, my life gets a bit nuts.  Add a cold to that mix and I end up living through pictures of fun times that I am not part of.  It breaks my heart.

As a result of my need, thank you sweet Hubs, we spent the next few hours enjoying one of our farmers markets and the playground with the youngest.  She is such a little fire cracker and her joy of life is infectious.  I was laughing so much when she realized that gramma wasn't feeling good and asked me if I needed to go to the dentist.  She is so clever for a little two year old. When I told her my teeth were okay, I just had a cold, her quick reply was "oh, I see you need a doctor, do you want to go to the doctor?"

She is beyond precious.

As we wandered the farmers market, I was starting to be a bit hungry and of course doesn't it figure that Bombay Food Junkies wasn't there this week, and noticed the Syrian Refugees were selling date and nut plates.  It looked so refreshing and definitely healthy.  I decided it was going to be perfect, and what a great cause to support. I carefully put it in my basket, sitting at Little Bit's feet in the wagon, and put my wallet away.  I turned around just in time to see her poking her little fingers in to grab a dried apricot.  Getting her to share was definitely a challenge.  Seems she loves dried fruits and nuts also. She and I walked along observing everything around us and talking, me pulling her in the wagon and she grudgingly sharing a few random dates stuffed with raw almonds.  It was absolutely delightful.

I don't get to spend enough time just enjoying my wonderful family. 

Our next stop was the playground, who could possibly refuse that plea to play on the playground, please!  Of course we could, how long do you need sweet baby girl?

Each of us took a turn playing with her, mom and hubs had far more energy than I did, so they were climbing and dashing around with her.  Gramma just took lots of pictures. We ended up our together day at Sweet Art, Little Bit needed a cupcake, while Gramma and Grandpa needed some lunch.  The vegan offerings were a bit thin at the farmers market today.  It ended up being a LONG wait - they lost our order - it was yummy and it was a chance to enjoy our tiny one, truth be told mom looked unbelievably bored.

Worn out and filled with joy we returned home, just as the skies opened and it rained like crazy. Perfect fall day.  Full of fun, laughter, proud moments and just being. We shopped a lot of local vendors, I love supporting local folks.  I prefer it to stores and avoid them when I can.

Hubs offered to build me a fire tonight.  I'm still sleepy from my long nap, so I opted out.  Instead I curled up in big brown chair and worked on some knitting for a bit.  I fell in love with a pattern and decided to start working on it.  I'm struggling with the needles that I have in the correct size, normally I love my beautiful wooden needles, the warmth and smoothness always calm me. I think I am going to have to get a set of lace needles though, the yarn and the pattern are a struggle on my wooden beauties. The thread is not sliding easily and the lace pattern is refusing to easily slide.  Frustration with lace is definitely not a good thing.

It's time to take another dose of medicine and hopefully get more rest. I don't like to get sick and I hate when it slows me down.  I have a cooking class to work on, I have soaps to make, I have things that require thought and energy to take care of.  I have no ability to give those gifts right now...

I am grateful for this day, grateful for the time with my babies and sweet hubs.  Grateful for the time to rest.