catching our breath...

Okay friends... definitely looking for squirrel deterrent ideas. Not only was it crazy cold this morning.  My fingers, toes and cheeks are still semi-frozen and we've been inside for about half an hour, but to add insult to injury I went and checked on my beds and that darn little gray squirrel is already messing with my garden beds.  Fairly certain he ate all of the pea plants there were just sprouting.  And I will give up on the location of the two carrot beds, because if any seedlings survived that massacre it is a miracle.  One of the spinach boxes was absolutely torn up also.  

It's so frustrating.  I plant more than enough to share with the critters, but that dang squirrel doesn't want to even let it grow.  In all fairness, he keeps leaving me random half eaten nuts buried where my vegetables used to be. To make matters worse, I spotted the albino squirrel out in one of our trees, I fear he is bringing in reinforcements.

closest I could zoom in on the new
potential enemy of the garden

No, I am not going to shoot it, but lord was it tempting. I also don't do toxic chemicals.  I need a natural solution.  I even considered cutting down the tree he uses to access the garden, but he would simply find another one and I am very fond of the beauty of that tree. 

I have a ton of chores today, but I am going to squeeze in time for some serious research.  I know for a fact I am not the only one to have to deal with a dang squirrel or any other fuzzy interlopers in my garden. There has to be a solution that isn't toxic to any of us.  So... if you happen to have crazy gardening skills and feel like sharing the info I will definitely be grateful.  Are gardeners like fishermen?  Do they hide the spots or tricks from others?  I sure hope not. 

After a weekend filled with friends, family, feelings and emotions yesterday was a wrap up day.  A day to finish a few odds and ends and to chill.  

Belle approved

I finished that darn quilt.  And even though I was mad as all get out at it for a really long time, I was definitely in love with it as I wrapped it in Christmas wrap and delivered it yesterday. My friends loved it and seemed to forgive the tardiness.  I want to make another one or two just like it.  I was even more excited when they looked at it and saw the same perfection in the colors that I had planned.  They have a precious country cabin and the colors were selected to represent it.  The richness of the land, the grass, the blue sky, the dirt, the colorful flower.  I love their little piece of heaven and wanted to honor it. 

We also went out and checked in on our piece of heaven, our camper!  We haven't been out there in a couple of months, but we are now down to just a few days before the maiden trip of 2022!  I cannot wait to have it here to load and clean up before we head out on Friday.  The weather promises to be cool and possibly raining a bit.  We simply do not care.  We are just looking forward to taking the babies on their first trip to one of our favorite spots. The winery/campground combo awaits.  

I was planning to have a quilt ready for the camper bed, but I am definitely not sure that can happen. I only have four days and a ton of chores to take care of before we go.  I also have a couple of orders to take care of, so the odds of it happening are very slim.  

On our way home we found a park full of walking trails to take the puppies to burn off some energy.  It's not a fancy park, but if you are in the area of Pacific Missouri, I highly recommend doing a bit of stretching and enjoying the beauty on the little trails.  Perfect for walking and chatting.  On top of that they have a huge fenced in area to let your pups run off leash. 

We were blessed to have it all to ourselves, although Beau really wanted to play with the pup that was just getting ready to leave as we walked up.  His owner said he was too unpredictable around other dogs, he was a street rescue, so we stayed on the other side of the fence and let them get acquainted through the fence.  I think my little Beau is going to be the social butterfly that wants to play with all the dogs. 

Belle is more focused on running and playing fetch with Dad, that girl can do some serious running, all day long.  When she would get tired she'd lay down with the ball away from him, until she was ready to play again and off she would run to bring him the ball.  That is definitely her jam.  Other dogs... it's not that she doesn't like them, but she is the one that seriously needs to decide for herself if she is going to engage and freaks out for a moment when pups like Beau come up to her too quickly. Beau has none of those issues, he is right there ready to play instantly. 

recovery time...

It's amazing how much time can fly past when you are simply doing things you enjoy with your loved ones.  I am thankful every minute of every day to be married to my very best friend.  I love taking long walks, chatting with him about everything - large or small.  Making plans and daydreaming.  It heals the soul. I cherish my children, but they are grown and living their own lives.  He's my soulmate, my other half.  He helps me think up most of my insane ideas and then helps me implement them. 

I mean he's offered to off the squirrel for me, that is true love folks! Actually he's trying to figure out how to build me a greenhouse that wouldn't violate HOA rules. 

Well today is packed full of chores, I will admit I haven't done laundry in a good while - I've been busy, and the pups are starting to let me know they are out of the good treats and don't feel like waiting much longer for me to make some, just to name a few.  So I guess I'd better get busy. 

Now don't forget I am looking for those squirrel remedies... 

today's sunrise

love and peace...

sunrises and celebrations...

Walking the babies this morning we stopped for a moment to enjoy a beautiful sunrise.  Beau sat and soaked up the beauty, almost as if he could appreciate it. It was breathtaking.  It reminded me of a couple of poems and songs... all of them include if the sunrises tomorrow without me... All of them celebrate a person that has left this plane and letting you know they had a life worth celebrating and to honor it by continuing on with yours. 

Yesterday we honored our friend.  We celebrated his life with the people locally that he impacted by his mere presence, his essence.  As we pulled up to his Y, I was stunned beyond words.  His Y was his baby, he was and is it's heartbeat. The parking lot was filled to capacity.  At this Y, that translates into hundreds of cars, as fast as a spot opened it was refilled. This is definitely not a normal sight. 

Over the hours we spent there, I kept having the same thought, what a testament to a life well lived. This was the first of two memorials.  The fact that a double gymnasium could barely contain the people there to celebrate him, was a powerful thing.  People brought tokens of their memories to share with his family.  There were pictures everywhere the brought the sternest of people to tears, he was a larger than life person that was simply a humble servant.  

I was blessed to spend hours reconnecting with friends and colleagues from a long career that I have left behind.  It was awesome to reconnect with people around our shared memories and stories.  People that I haven't seen in years came.  I hugged so many dear friends, caught up and enjoyed the time with them, some we made tentative plans to meet up later after the heartache simmers for a bit.  To reconnect and enjoy one another's company once again. 

The sunrise this morning felt like a promise.  A gift.  I will probably not see many of the people again, we no longer travel in the same circles.  Yet each of them is a part of who I have become.  Most of those people impacted me in a very positive manner, they weren't meant to be part of my forever story, but they were part of my growth story. 

There were a few that I did not speak to, they also impacted me, but they represented the lessons I learned but will never repeat.  I learned to trust my instincts about people from them.  That number was very, very small.  Those lessons led to the greatest growth.  I knew that I had to learn those lessons to become a better version of myself, but once learned I no longer had need of those people in my life.  They are not a part of my future, they were simply a tool to become a better me. Tool has been utilized, and is useless now. 

As I walked that gym, shared memories, stories, love and reconnected with people I realized how blessed I was.  But even more, I realized how blessed and thankful I am.  I might have laughed a little when folks asked me what I was doing now.  Their faces when I proudly said "I take care of puppies and Hubs" was priceless.  I guess when you go from appearing to be a highly driven professional that works stupid hours to a puppy mom it appears to those still in the race to be a huge demotion in life.  Instead of the incredible promotion that it is. 

Those friends that have also walked away understood. They know that sometimes the greatest gift in the world is the ability to walk away from what isn't serving you and walk into what is elevating you. 

I'm not just a housewife.  I am not a domestic servant.  I am a homemaker.  I create a life for my husband and family.  I am busier than I've ever been, but in a way that fills the soul, if not the wallet. I wonder which currency is the better choice?

I think that I am quite content collecting sunrises, because some day the sun will rise without me here to acknowledge it's beauty.  And when that day comes, I hope that I will have impacted the lives I was meant to impact in the way that was my journey this lifetime. 

I am holding space with love for all of my dear friends and family that are struggling. I am offering hope, prayers and healing energy... 

Stay strong, savor the sunrises and make the absolute most of the moments until the day comes that the sunrises without you here... make a difference, if only in one life, at one time or in one moment... You may never realize the impact while you are here, but the ripples you leave behind will speak to who you were...

love and peace... 

eyes of a child...

Puppies are finally snoozing, Hubs just went up to try and catch a nap, and I should head downstairs to unquilt the quilt.  Instead, I'm sitting by my roaring fire, drinking my now cold coffee and listening the the winds blow the wind-chimes and move things around on the deck. I know the puppies have been asleep for about 30 minutes, which means maybe another 30 and it will be time to potty, eat and play... their daily routine.

I don't know about you, but yesterday was definitely a struggle day.  All day long.  I was grumpy, out of sorts and out of motivation.  It wasn't until late afternoon that I even remotely decided I would consider participating in the day.  And truthfully, that probably had more to do with my silly text messages from the  4 year old.  When she called to come over the world started to shift. 

I'd spent the day mad at my knitting and was debating on tearing it all apart.  When all of the sudden, I felt strongly about finishing it. I'm also not going to try to match the stripes, because evidently no two balls of this yarn are exactly alike.  As I spent the afternoon searching for another pattern or sweater to make with this yarn I stumbled on a designer Sirdar and every sweater was done in striping yarns and not a single one matched.  Oddly, I found it calming, like it was okay to not be a cookie cutter pattern.  I realized that even if this isn't a beautifully, machine striped, mass produced kind of sweater, it was going to beautiful in it's own right.  

I actually found several designers that didn't worry about that kind of insanity.  It was so freeing, liberating. Once I unblocked that part of my mind, I was able to look at the pattern and the sweater with fresh eyes, I could see the rolling ocean that my mom saw.  I could also see where I was stuck and managed to unstuck myself. 

My problems were pretty trivial yesterday.  I mean, I was throwing a full sized tantrum over a quilt and sweater.  I have loved ones that are dealing with mountains.  With family and friends in the hospital fighting for each day they are alive.  My tantrum was a bit ridiculous. As I sorted through my fit, played with my adorable pups and then had multiple tea parties with the four year old and her stuffed animals I felt calmer, more in-touch with what is really important. 

Her best workout pose/face!

As I was cooking dinner I asked the four year old what she would like to eat, to which I was told she disliked most everything I offered.  I felt I had scored a home run when she decided she would be willing to eat some noodles with butter, salt and pepper.  I wasn't so sure it was a complete meal, but at least we'd come to a conclusion that I had something she liked.  She'd left the food her mom had put together for her at home. I finished cooking the chicken I had prepped for Hubs and I, and even though she informed me that she did not eat that, she was quite interested in it and decided she could eat it as it smelled great! 

As I prepped our plates and she helped me set the table she kept repeating how good it smelled and I am sure she was hungry because she dug in immediately.  Let me tell you when a four year old praises the dinner she wasn't going to eat as delicious and that she loves it so much... well you feel like a chef at a top restaurant catering to royalty.  

Hubs was super tired and went to bed early, but little one wasn't ready to go home, so she and I had so many conversations, tea parties and she helped me with the puppies, she was even planning spending as much time as possible here this weekend.  It fills my heart to overflowing.  A month ago, I couldn't bribe her to come over.  Now she is here and happy so much it's wonderful.  I'm sure her mom doesn't mind a couple of hours of peace, as little one can be a bit busy and with mom, very clinging.  

I think she completely changed my mood when she asked for one more tea party before she went home, I am not sure she expected me to say yes because she actually danced to the kitchen to tell me she loved me and I was the bestest.  That is high praise.  It was the perfect end to a not so awesome day, and selfishly, it was all mine.  I hate that Hubs missed out on that fun, but I am so thankful that it was all mine!

As I laid my head down, my prayers for those in need still echoing in my mind, I honestly felt a bit guilty for the lack of faith I had in life yesterday.  I wasn't the only one, many of my friends and family had the same kind of day.  Yet, I felt guilty for feeling those stupid little challenges were worth the stress and anger they caused me yesterday. 

I'm starting this cloudy, cold day out on a totally different foot.  Hubs stayed awake with the babies so that I could get some rest, I am in a much clearer mindset.  Although I am still not happy that I have to unquilt the quilt (that might wait until tomorrow so I am ready to mentally face that challenge).  Today feels like a gift stretched out before me, it feels like a cozy blanket to dream under.  

I hope this day is better for my loved ones.  I know the strain is heavy at times. 

love and peace...  

following dreams...

Normal start to a normal day.  I love this new normal.  Pups are snoozing at my feet, the fire is warm and toasty.  The wind is blowing the chimes playing a beautiful melody.  Hubs is working downstairs.  All before 5 am.  Got smart last night, went to bed when puppies did.  Super early, but the sleep deprivation was getting to us.

Feeling a bit like I have had too much sleep today.  7 straight hours feels like I'm having a sleep hangover, after almost two weeks of maybe 5 or 6 hours.  We'll see how long it takes for the effects of a full night's sleep to wear off. Our sweet babies are 8 full weeks old today, soon they will have their first two shots and be able to go for longer walks outside.  They will be able to meet the neighbors and start on their journey to being well socialized, well trained pups.  Oh my!  What a journey it will be.  Thankfully, they are both smart and are already learning so much. 

I'm hoping to work on the quilt today.  It will all depend on the puppies.  And Hubs work schedule.  He has a super early conference call every Wednesday morning that he takes from his home office.  Which also happens to be where my longarm is.  So I am going to work on another UFO upstairs until that is over.  I feel it would be quite rude to be sewing while he is trying to hear and speak.  I really want it done this week though, so I need to get a bit more organized.  

I finished the first UFO yesterday and will hopefully deliver it to my girl today.  It's odd how those little accomplishments, can make one feel well... accomplished, successful, on track.  As I was finishing up the hat my girl requested I was thinking about it in depth.  Remembering when I first learn to knit, ironically to make a sweater vest for her as a little one.  I remember how hard I struggled with it, how I felt it would not become a lifelong hobby as I really wasn't doing a very good job.  It took me years to figure out how to knit.  I had a massive creative block where it was concerned. My brain could not complete the actions. 

Put a crochet hook in my hands and I could do anything I decided I wanted to do.  But two sticks, goodness what kind of sorcery was that? I refused to give up, I was determined to master it.  Over 35 years later, I am not so sure I have mastered it, but it is my preferred needlework.  Oh I still crochet, particularly when I want something done quickly.  Yet as I was correcting a problem yesterday in the final row of the hat when a needle slid out and I dropped stitches, I remembered frogging (tearing out) many projects because of that very issue.  

I was thinking about how much I enjoy creating some things.  A lot of family and friends have commented on the gifts I have made over the years.  I have sold a few of them as well and done a bit of commissioned work.  I am always my worst critic, never feeling that it was good enough, embarrassed at what I had given.  Looking back, there were a few beginner pieces that probably deserved those thoughts, but for the most part, I can hold my head up with pride when I finish a piece now.  Yet oddly, some of those slightly misshapen early pieces hold the most joy for me. 

As I was finishing up I started to think about the time it takes to become skilled.  And also the passion it takes to stay true to what you are creating.  My younger sister is incredible at making afghans.  I love the work she does.  They are so pretty and some are complex.  I envy her.  Can I crochet, absolutely, it was my first craft I mastered.  I have made many, many things, and I am more than capable to make afghans, in fact I have made a fair number.  I loathe making afghans.  If you have one that I made, know it was a pure act of love, because I truly despise making them.  And I am not really sure why.  The only thing I can figure is that they take such a time commitment to a single stitch or series of stitches and my attention span is far too short for that. The memory of the weeks I spent working on full sized afghans causes me a good amount of anxiety.  The memories are not pleasant.  My only hope of an afghan is that she will take mercy on me and make me one.  Who knows I might commission her to do so. 

My other sister has a Cricut, she creates so many wonderful projects.  I keep trying to convince her to sell them, to create a business out of it.  I hear her echoing my own words for many years.  If I do it for a living will I still love doing it?  I get it.  I truly understand. But dang, she's so talented.  I hope I can manage to pull off even a bit of what she has accomplished when I finally get to try mine, maybe a year from now?

I have a both a sister and a friend that are masterful at capturing pictures.  They can frame them in such a way that you feel drawn into the moment.  You can imagine the scene, smell the smells and hear the sounds captured in that moment.  Makes me wonder how many pictures didn't make the cut.  How many times did they discard those other photo's to capture that one precious moment?

When we become good at a skill it isn't because we picked it up one day and poof like magic we mastered it.  How many times have I unwound a project, picked stitches out of a quilt (like last night - I switched to a new kind of thread and I'm still working on the tension), how many batches of soap are strictly for home use because ugghhh?  I have candles that burn perfectly wonderful, but look a fright.  The first stuffed toy I made had his head on upside down.  It's all about the journey.  The time you put into it.  The dedication to mastering the craft.  

When you are passionate about it, it's magical.  When you are simply going through the motions... well... you get the picture. 

As I thought about those things and finished the hat, I treasured my own gifts and silently celebrated those around me that don't give up. I'm cheering for everyone that is willing to step out of their comfort zone and learn something knew, to follow their dreams and passions. 

Well puppies are awake and wired, Hubs is wandering around with a grumbling belly and the day is ready to start. 

love and peace...

bright new day...

The sun is breaking over the horizon.  The first sunrise that we have seen in this new year.  The other two have simply been a soft lightening of the gray sky. Today it's bright, cheery, energizing and promising.  

I have enjoyed this start to the year.  My youngest grand baby has been hanging around (a lot), I'd love to believe it is just to see me and grandpa, but we aren't delusional we are well aware it's the puppies that are drawing her to spend time with us. Hopefully, she is enjoying the tea parties, playing in sand, and doing crafts also.  I am simply celebrating the cuddles I got yesterday before she went home after almost 5 hours hanging out with us. 

We also spent hours enjoying time with dear friends.  It felt wonderful to just enjoy chatting, cooking, laughing, eating and simply being together with people that are important in our lives.  I definitely believe that this is going to be an ongoing thing this year.  Spending time with friends.  Enjoying things that are outside the realm of careers and/or jobs.  

For too long all our time together with any friends was "work" based, talking about work issues, experiences, things... That didn't happen, at all. It was incredible! Most of our friends were met and the friendships developed as a result of work so it was only natural that is where conversations flowed.  I noticed that Hubs and I have richer conversations now that we aren't both deeply engaged in the same work.  It's beautiful. 

I've spent the morning chasing my little terror twins, Beau has been the stinker today.  He's taken off running with the garland from the tree, found a crumb under the chair that was somehow missed, removed the ribbon from the basket that sits by the tree, tried to remove a few ornaments, he's run and played like a little demon.  Of course he crashes faster than his sister.  So while he is so very busy and hard to keep up with for a few moments of time, it is definitely short lived.  

It has definitely cemented my decision to take the tree down today, I normally enjoy it a bit longer, but this year.  The stress is not worth it, I have been collecting ornaments my entire life and have several that are far older than me, I can't replace them or the memories if pups bring it down.  Besides, for the first time in my life, I'm ready to remove it all. I'm ready for fresh and clear.  

One of my focus areas this year is getting rid of excess.  I had planned to go through all of the Christmas boxes and eliminate stuff that I simply don't use.  Puppies have put a different spin on that.  I will wait until summer to go through them and sort and organize it all.  For now, I will just take it all down. 

That sun is deceiving.  I was just outside helping Hubs, the darn latch on the tailgate snapped in the cold again.  It's so annoying and frustrating.  All fairness it is saying a mere 10 degrees outside.  The bed of the truck is loaded with wood from yesterday.  We'd not unloaded so we could enjoy the grand, our friends and be present with the puppies. I could not believe how very cold it is.  Now I am sitting inside, with the "false security" sun shining on me and enjoying the roaring fire my sweet Hubs built to thaw us out.  

Gotta say I am off to a very lazy start this month.  Anyone else? I have things to do, I have projects to finish and ones I want to start.  But this slow, family and friend based time has been healing my weary spirit. I've been moving in slow motion.  I'm not quite ready to get busy, although I feel the energy building.  I feel the desire to step out of this box I have put myself in, I'm just not ready to do it.  I am enjoying slow for a moment longer. 

No matter where you are on your journey... love and peace my friends...