beginning new journeys?

Last week record breaking heat, this morning possible snow?  Mother nature is definitely having some hormonal shifts. I doubt we will get snow, but at this point nothing surprises me.  I feel like the entire world is under going some kind of change.  At least I don't feel anxious about it any longer. 

Yesterday, as I was doing my odds and ends type chores and settling back into my routine while Hubs was at work, I spent a great deal of time in the silence.  Just thinking. I've just become aware of the terms cottage core and granny core in the past few months.  I am not really up to date on many things, but these two sort of humored me. A lot! 

I guess I have been on the "cutting edge" for a really long time and simply didn't know it.  My social media is filled with people wanting to hone their granny skills.  Wanting to remember and relearn the things that have intentionally been forgotten.  I always just assumed I was born in the wrong era or that I am simply just plain strange.  I have fought hard my whole life to keep the skills that others are chasing.  Who knew?  I mean does that mean my eccentricities are back in style? Does it mean that polyester and leisure suits aren't far behind?  Goodness I hope not!  I am praying that the desire to return to reality is just that a return.  

I am finding it a touch easier to access so many of the things that I never left.  

Modest clothing, and cotton, linen and wool fabrics are just a start.  I mean they are still crazy cost prohibitive, but lets be real do we really want or need disposable fast fashion and all the stuff that fills our closets and homes?  I have clothing I bought when my son was born.  He will soon be 35, I still wear my favorite sweater a couple times a month.  When I bought that beautiful cotton sweater I almost died at the price, I still remember the slight knot in my throat as I paid $35 dollars for it.  Can you imagine the cost today?  Yet here I am still wearing it, it's been mended a few times, I've had to sharpening my skill sets to learn how to mend knitwear so that it is invisible (mostly - I wasn't that good at it in the early days), but I think $1 a year is a fair investment at this point in time. 

Meet Gertrude my 1950 301a

I smile at the questions posed on many of the sewing groups I follow.  People longing to know the best machine they can buy for the craft that they are wanting to pursue.  I feel a profound sadness, in that I used to be one of the people longing for all the technology and doodads on my machines. Feeling it would somehow make the things I created better, fancier.  It didn't.  The machines I used the most are older than my sweet Hubs, and he is almost 74.  I create quilts, home goods, doll clothing, bedding, bags, etc on machines that I can personally disassemble, repair, and rebuild.  There are no fancy stitches, they are not computerized.  They stitch.  Oh I still have my fancy machine - although it is now almost 25 years old, it's tucked away under my sewing table, I rarely pull it out anymore.  In fact, I am probably only holding on to it for nostalgia's sake, I saved a long while to purchase that machine for myself and it was the fanciest and best I had ever owned.  

My sweet 221 also 1950 - meet Mildred

I now own a total of 19 machines and only two of them are under 50 years old.  Crazy isn't it.  If you are looking to hone your granny core or cottage core skill sets, I strongly recommend buying one of the classics.  The ones that have stood the test of time and still make a strong beautiful stitch.  If you need help finding one or fixing it, let me know.  I love to share that kind of knowledge.  I do believe that I will start getting a few of them ready for new homes this year.  Trial and error has taught me which ones I am extremely partial to and which ones I feel comfortable loving and passing off to someone else to cherish.  I am also considering offering sewing classes on my beautiful classic collection.  

one I may part with after I service it

Who knew so many people were missing out on the joy of creating the items for their homes.  Removing home ec (which by the way I despised) was a huge disservice to our younger generations.  The inability to create for, provide for, and sustain your own home and family has created a void.  So many people have lost their independence in a basic way, they are easier to control, manipulate and in my opinion steal from.  

The things we spend our hard earned dollars on are not often in our best interests. They are in the best interests of the people benefitting off of our labor and our dollars. But I digress. 

I am loving watching the return to actual cooking.  There was a time that going out to dinner was a treat.  Something that felt like a reward, a pure joy.  Now it is all bland, finding amazing doesn't happen often and then dealing with the after effects of a meal that you have no idea what was actually in it... mind blowing. 

Hubs and I spent a good part of last year educating ourselves on what is actually in our food.  We both were starting to have some health problems that we wanted to nip in the bud, so to speak.  It takes us hours to grocery shop now, as we read all of the labels, searching for real food.   Each time I am thankful that I have learned how to grow and preserve our own food.  

I am thankful that I am at home and able to make a home for us.  I found a recipe that I wanted to try yesterday, it was a Curry Lentil Stew.  Hubs was definitely not sure about it.  Struggled to wrap his head around those flavors together.  I made it any how.  I mean worse case scenario was we went to the cantry and picked a different meal.  It was wonderful.  I even decided to try my hand at a high protein naan to dip. I felt my naan needed a bit more work, but Hubs felt it was delicious.  Either he was telling a tale to boost my spirits or I am being a bit too judgmental in my expectations. I feel the truth is somewhere in the middle. 

The entire meal was made from whole, natural ingredients.  There were no chemicals, no words that you need a dictionary to look them up.  Just food.  The way it was always intended to be. The thing is these things take time and energy.  Unfortunately, for most of us, when working a 40+ hour work week, that precious commodity doesn't exist. 

I don't need to learn a great many of the skills that I see all these different groups setting intentions to learn this year.  I have spent a lifetime holding on to the threads and honing my skills.  But there are many things that others have perfected that I am still pulling back on.  That I have tried, failed and moved on from.  Some of that failure was linked to the season of my life that I was in, working to much to focus, struggling to keep all the different balls in my world up in the air.  In this season, I am finding myself willing to try again. 

In my past I used to make a lot of my clothing, heck I have sewn wedding dresses, bridesmaids dress and even a flamenco gown.  I do have the basic skill set and knowledge.  It just became easier to lean into fast fashion.  Yup, guilty as charged. But in my desire to eliminate man made plastic based fabrics from my life, I am on the verge of starting to sew clothing again. To help stop the waste that we have contributed to.  

And sour dough will likely be a thing this year, as I work to eliminate the unhealthy big AG stuff they are trying to pass off as food. I usually end up starving the poor thing.  I am also going to work on expanding my knowledge of food preservation to include fermentation.  As I am relearning is vital importance to our gut health.   And eventually, I will start grinding my own grains, because the stuff they are doing to our flour is obscene. 

I was a trail blazer without ever realizing it.  I wasn't odd or trapped in the wrong era.  I was always supposed to remember and strive to continue so that I could help share it with others.  And here's the thing, I have always loved sharing my knowledge and helping others develop the skills to sustain them.  There was simply a time when few were interested. 

They are simply not impressed at all

Please to tell me... are you expanding any of those skill sets that have been gathering dust on the shelves of your mind?  Anyone a master carver?  Basket weaver?  Fabric weaver?  We might need to collaborate.  I long to learn new skills, I also long to share the ones I have.  

Well... almost med time for Beau, which means it is also time for me to start my day, so much I want to do and accomplish... 

much love, 

b

seasons in life...

I had planned a relaxing day, I'm a bit tired and sore from the shenanigans that I have been engaging in for the past few weeks.  I quickly discovered, that is simply not who I am.  Just as I carried the trays full of bananas downstairs to start the freeze dryer, I heard the instapot beep.  Alerting me that the newest trial of yogurt had finished the first step.  It reached the boiling point.  Now I wait while it cools enough to add culture and start the timer. Soon it will be Greek yogurt (I hope!).

After doing some research yesterday, I decided it was definitely time to try making yogurt with goats milk. I don't do well with cows milk, so I am definitely excited to try this.  Thankfully, the process of making yogurt helps with my intolerance of cows milk, so even if it's a fail, I definitely have a back up. We'll find out tomorrow how that goes. 

It's a gorgeous spring day today, hard to believe all of that massive rain even fell, except for how soft the ground is.  Thank goodness, because we definitely needed the rain.  We've been under such strong draught conditions for several years now.  Maybe this is our turning point.  I guess we'll see. I keep praying for it.  

This afternoon we get to pick up our newest Elderberry bush.  I'm so silly excited for this.  These are all the North American varieties, so they can actually be eaten raw if I wanted.  Mostly, I just use them to make elderberry syrup to prevent cold and flu and improve our health. But there definitely are other possibilities! I still need to work on getting mullein growing. But the elderberries are established. 

I'm not sure what kind of garden I am focusing on this year.  I feel strongly that I am going to focus on the pollinator treats this year.  I do not usually lean heavily into flowers or flowering plants.  A few here and there.  I usually have limited success with them.  Mainly due to our friendly deer and bunnies.  Just last night Hubs and I were admiring my lone surviving phlox, the one I posted a picture of yesterday.  It had put out even more flowers and looked lovely, albeit a tad lonely.  This morning, it's stem joined the rest of the phlox cemetery in the front beds. Our friends haven't tackled the bee balm that has sprouted and seem to be ignoring the two remaining rose bushes.  I'm not optimistic, one rose bush is already gone, and the roses haven't even considered blooming yet this year. 

I am also fairly positive I will plant beans.  I have no idea why, but I feel strongly about it. I don't have a burning desire to put out a lot of tomatoes.  Although I am pretty sure there will be one or two.  I mean who can have summer without tomatoes and basil? And I love to have a variety of jalapenos and spicy peppers,  I guess we'll see.  

That is my motto in this season of life.  

I guess we'll see. 

I'm feeling encouraged to tackle things that I've wanted to do, but haven't been brave enough to.  

A dear friend reached out to me this morning, I don't know if he realizes how very special he is to me.  We don't talk often, but the little bits here and there fill my heart.  He was letting me know he understood what I was writing about yesterday.  Reminding me to live in joy in this time and space. 

I have a very small pool of friends, I like it that way.  I am a slightly reclusive person.  I enjoy people, I truly do.  But I enjoy being in my own bubble too, it's how I recharge.  When I was forced to live a public facing life, I struggled.  I always felt like my personal batteries were always flashing "low battery, recharge now, less than 5% remaining".  I am not someone that can spend that many hours of my day facing outwards.  It left very little for me to expend on family, friends and life in general.

The more I learn about myself, the more comfortable I am in my own skin, my own life. My daughter mentioned something about "masking" last night at dinner.  I had to ponder it.  Ironically, when I was in a public facing world and struggling I would "joke" that I had to put my people mask on each morning. I hated new environments, large groups, anything that required me to put myself out there for public consumption. 

Consumption is how it felt.  I knew what was expected of me, I also knew I didn't feel able to be me. I march to a different drum beat than most folks I encountered in "the real world".  I always felt out of place.  

My sweet Hubs always refers to me as a hippie that doesn't do drugs.  I wasn't sure how to take that, ever, but I finally felt seen for me.  I am basically a down to earth hippie.  I don't belong in the modern world.  

I spy some vinca minor creeping
down the hillside

I love my world.  My happy place. Pushing 60 years old and I've finally reached the place I belong.  It feels strange, wonderful, weird and fulfilling all at the same time.  I've finally realized that instead of masking myself to fit into a mold I didn't want to be smushed into, it was perfectly okay to be me.  If people are not comfortable with who I am, they are welcome to see themselves out of my bubble.  I no longer strive to fit a mold I don't belong in. 

All of this would mean that I would find my tribe.  It means that I don't have to force myself to be someone that I am not, and that I am truly enough. 

I hear terms thrown around, some of which bits and pieces definitely fit into the definition of who I am. Trad wife, crunchy mom, hippie all of them have a bit of truth, none of them fully define me.  I am me.  I am finally allowed to be exactly who I am. 

I pray that each of you finds the other part of who you are.  Someone who accepts you as you are meant to be. That encourages your quirks and cherishes all that makes you whole.  

I pray that I am someone that does that.  I hope that I am even half as perfect for my sweet Hubs as he is for me.  I hope that the family and friends that I carefully hold close to my heart know that I see them, I love them and I am so very, very blessed to have them as part of my whole. 

I threw my mask away years ago.  If you are in my world, you are aware that I am quirky, strange and move to my own internal drumbeat.  I thank you for being in my world.

Belle sees you too! Any chance
you are hiding snacks?

It's time to get back to making yogurt and I believe it is a day for sewing, I have been focused on doing lately and I feel the creative part of my spirit is crying out for attention. 

Love and peace, b

shrinking to grow...

Hubs and I stopped at the local feed shop to buy our birdseed, our feathered friends count on us for a bit of a supplement to their wild diet.  And we truly enjoy watching them outside the window.  Initially, I wasn't going in, I mean seriously do you need two people to buy a bag of birdseed?  But Hubs called me and told me I needed to come in, that it was critical. Not sure what he wanted to show me I dutifully trotted in.  

As I entered the door the most adorable "greeter" came running towards me, all of his wrinkles wiggling in different directions with the big grin that only a baby English Bulldog could have!  Chunk is an 8 month old bulldog with the same beautiful brindle markings that both of my parents bulldogs had, my heart melted!  He's the owners pup.  He sure tried working me, leading me to all of the boxes of dog treats that were just slightly out of his chubby little reach.  I would have given in and bought him one if he hadn't just dropped the giant hoof he was working on when he saw me come in. 

My day was instantly improved. And it was great to begin with!  I'd been creating and cleaning out all morning, I felt refreshed and energized from all of the productivity that filled my soul.  We'd just come from finishing up the winterizing of our camper and I was working on a Christmas present while we drove.  Yep, I was in an exceptional place.  And the chubby little munchkin just sent it through the roof in the joy department.  I love bulldogs, Hubs... not so much.  It's okay, I just love on everyone else's babies. 

As we were heading out, we hadn't done any further shopping, nothing else was on my list.  But I was deep in thought as we left when I saw the sign.  I have never been a huge proponent of the big box stores.  Although, life had often meant I took the easier path and patronized them.  Just out of exhaustion and poor planning. 

That sign made me seriously stop and think. 

As I walked into the feed store, the counter guy was walking out with Hubs to load the seed - because that is simply what they do. While I was bending over the owner came out of the back as a customer had asked for him.  I only overheard a bit of the conversation, I was standing beside them but was engrossed in puppy love.  The owners father had just passed away the night before, the long time customer was there to offer condolences. There were tears and comforting hugs, an offer of support. 

These are not the kind of experiences you have in a big box store.  I mean I did just detail our final trip to a Walmart in this town, not at all the kind of experience one wants to have. 

So... back to the sign, I was already processing all of what I had just experienced when I notice the sign.  Hubs and I had been having a lot of serious conversations lately regarding where do we spend our hard earned dollars. What do we support?  

The sign brought it into 20/20 focus for me. 

I've been seeing all of the meme's about Christmas being on the ships in LA harbor, the lady riding a jet ski from ship to ship shopping.  While meant to be humorous, it strikes me differently. 

For a long while now I have mourned the loss of the Mom and Pop shops.  The family run diners.   The loss of community surrounding them.  With eyes wide open Hubs and I long ago made it our quest to not frequent the chain restaurants unless there was absolutely no other option (for example traveling and all that is available) we absolutely don't frequent fast food - with the exception of an occasional Mango water from Sonic.  And yes, I understand and respect that most of the places are semi-locally owned. 

I find myself shopping more and more from local crafters and artisans (if I cannot make it myself), I find myself willing drive the extra distance to find a local butcher, stopping at farmers markets and roadside stands to support the families. We haven't been doing it enough.  We are definitely going to be doing it more. 

For far too long we have been part of the problem.  Supporting big box businesses.  I have felt the shift in my heart in the past few months during our travels, when I have bought my fabrics and yarns from small local shops.  Do I wish that there were more mills here in our country again, yes.  Will I always purchase roving or handspun yarn from someone working hard to earn a living, yes.  Can we do even better... I believe we can. 

Instead of finding ourselves tied to the whims and worry of the big companies, can you imagine the impact of community supporting one another?  

Just like I said yesterday, as I am cleaning out my closets I want to give my nice clothing to friends and family, heck even my neighbors if they could use it.  I am finding more neighbors doing the same, people are giving their extra's or no longer needed items to their local community.  It fills my heart with joy to see posts for puzzles, books, furnishings, even laundry detergent, people are helping people. 

I've seen posts that this person has too many herbs, tomatoes or zucchini and they are offering it to anyone willing to come and get it and use it. I didn't have too much, in fact I am still harvesting the last of it, and praying for a few more weeks above freezing, but I will share if anyone needs it. 

People are offering their talents and skills to one another at a fair rate, the money they are earning is in turn being spent locally.  Everywhere I turn there is another opportunity to go small.  Sometimes it costs a few pennies more, but I do believe it will all balance out. I mean seriously have you bought groceries lately?  Dear lord!  And gas is over $3.18 a gallon, was it really $1.50 in January?  People need to wake up and take control back... 

I don't think everything can be purchased small, at least not yet.  But I do believe we are heading in that direction. The world is definitely changing.  We stopped at the local grocery last night Hubs is craving tamales and I found a recipe that would allow me to a tamale pie without grains for him, as we picked up a few random items I saw shelves bare.  As I looked at what exactly was missing I found it super interesting.  The items were things that honestly none of us has any business consuming anyhow.  Sugar laden drinks for children, processed corn-syrup filled snacks, basically the junk that has been slowly killing us all of decades was in short supply.  

My brain had to question if that was the "stuff" sitting in the harbor or had people panic bought like they did with toilet paper? 

Will switching to a more local buying mindset change some of our consumer patterns?  Of course.  Yet as Hubs and I are moving into a different phase in life, I am noticing that some of old patterns have already slipped away.  He used to buy me clothes to distraction, I'd tease him that he'd evidently always wanted a doll to dress because I could never wear everything he bought me. Since spring, I have bought a few things to switch from a professional lifestyle to a casual lifestyle, but I am not in a hurry to buy more clothing.  I feel so much more freedom having just a few things per season.  And that selection is going to get smaller, I simply don't need it all. 

Hubs is becoming the same way. He's lost a lot of weight, and truthfully he will need to purchase some clothes soon.  But it's a minimal amount that he is willing to spend. It simply doesn't seem important, we are planning for next steps. As we step back from consumerism we are finding a sense of peace and comfort. We'd rather have funds for doing things instead of owning things. Shoot even the campgrounds we are frequenting are mostly small family owned. 

Do you support the local businesses?  Am I being too simplistic in my thoughts?

A town next to ours has a special ballot out there to raise their city tax by 1%.  A lot of people mindlessly vote for those increases without doing their homework.  I have been watching it with great interest, because some of the businesses that I like to frequent are in that town.  As the discussions have been raging on with some people are pointing out that none of the other tax increases have sunset yet and it will bring their city tax to over 10%, people are starting to take notice.  Several people have questioned why there are not formal plans for what that 1% will go to, just a 5 year "infrastructure plan" to repair their roads.  I will admit their roads need the help, but why do you need a 40 year 1% increase to take care of a 5 year project.  The part that I am finding most fascinating is the number of people that are finally pointing out the damage it will do to the small businesses. The locally owned ones that get their bread and butter from the local community. 

How many communities have used this same logic?  1% seems like nothing.  So minimal, sure let's vote yes, our streets suck... you get the picture.  Yet when someone applied that 1% increase to the price of buying a car in their town (by the way they aren't going to tax the car sales) the increase in sales tax would be $100 per $10,000.  Do the math. 

Between big box businesses, chain stores and restaurants the little guys are struggling to simply survive. Add to that tax increases that push consumers into other cities... well to me it just doesn't make sense.  

Maybe, just maybe it is time to start thinking small.  The majority of jobs are provided by the small fries.  The majority of money that is turned right back into our communities comes from those very people, they generously support fundraisers and events in the community, because they love and believe in their community.  Have you ever tried for support from the big boxes? I have... it's not about love... it's about how they can write it off and its a form. 

Next week Hubs and I will order our wood from the feed store, and I think it's time I spend a little of my time finding the best places to support local. I want to be part of the solution. I want to stop feeding the machine that is destroying our country.  

I want to be part of the small movement, and not just on "Small Business Saturday"... I want to support the families that get up each day to make a difference.  The ones that bring their pets to work with them, that create relationships where someone will come out to offer condolences during a tragedy or loss.  I want to support the places that have small fundraiser jars on their counter because someone connected to them needs help.  The ones that you find giving their staff the day off to fill sandbags during floods.  The ones where you can talk to the people and get to know them.  

Maybe we need to eliminate the excess and get back to simpler times?  I mean it's just a thought... a thought I am turning into action... Wanna join me?  I'm dying to hear some ideas...