gratitude...

I am going to pause and take a moment to enjoy this incredible morning.  Hubs had to be to work super early again, so I thought I should take care of the gardens in the coolness of the morning.  I was using cool as a relative word, as it was already muggy and nasty at 5 am this morning.  I wasn't expecting much. 

It seems that mother nature heard my whining and summoned up a beautiful breeze from the south.  It's gonna still be blistering hot, normal for this time of year.  And muggy and the Midwest are pretty much the same words in late July. But right now, it's beautiful!  The breeze is blowing, there is almost no humidity and I am sitting in the treetop garden enjoying my coffee. As I sit here looking around I see a few more things that need to be harvested before the heat sets in, but for this quiet moment in time.  I'm enjoying it. 

The critters in the woods are just starting to wake up, there is that soft buzzing of bugs surrounding me.  I've heard a few birds chirping and calling their families.  And one of my hummingbirds has already been by, checking out the flowers.  

It's gonna be the start of a couple of busy weeks.  I made an impulse decision a week ago, at first I was super apprehensive about it.  But now... well a week later, with most of the details settled, I am starting to feel excited.  My mom has been supposed to take a trip home to Pennsylvania for a hot minute now.  She got I'll the first time and we were coming up on the deadline to use her plane tickets to get her there.  One thing led to another and somehow I decided after 27 years, that it was time to go home too.  Next month, Mom and I are flying home for a whole 9 days.  I can't say I have gone anywhere, except to Europe in 2012 and taking care of mom when she'd had a medical procedure about 7 years ago, for a whole 9 days!  And I can honestly say, that I have never been away from Hubs for that long. 

hello sweet friend... welcome to the garden

But... here we are. The last time I was back was so traumatic that I have seriously avoided it.  I had been trying to get home before my Grammie passed away, she was still alive when I had left Germany.  Sadly, she passed away while I was still somewhere across the Atlantic ocean and I arrived in time for her funeral.  I have avoided Pennsylvania since then. 

And I rarely fly, so... we are just going all out of my comfort zone.  I have to have faith nothing happens to my Hubs or Pups while I am gone, I have to leave them all.  I have to fly and rent a car... and drive in unfamiliar areas in an unfamiliar car.  None of these things are in my top 10 list of things to do on a regular basis. A flight is only 1.5 hours, driving is 10.  Seems like a no brainer.  

As this week begins, I have things that are home and garden related to tackle.  I have a quilt to finish up so that I can send it south with my brother in law when he takes mom back down to Arkansas. I need to do grown up stuff like getting a Real ID, so they will let me on the plane.  It took me all of 15 minutes to gather everything so I am not sure why folks are freaking out about doing stuff like that. Would have been much easier if I hadn't let my passport expire, but honestly, I don't need it anymore, so why keep spending the money.  I wonder how many people in this country, or any country for that matter never even get a passport?

Each morning I wake up a bit more excited for the trip.  After speaking with my aunt for a bit yesterday, I can't wait to see what my cousin has in mind.  The trip is more for mom than me.  No one back home really knows me anymore.  Although I have stayed close to my cousin and my one aunt, and I am excited to see what kind of mischief we can get into.  I love them all, but I don't really chat with them much. And the bonus is that my aunt lives on a farm.  You know this girl is gonna be loving life.

I will still spend a good deal of time in the city with the rest of the family, but I will spend more time outside of the busyness. 

It will be strange to be so far from home for so long.  Although, I know that it will pass in the blink of an eye.  It's the first time mom and I have ever gone on a solo trip, we will see so much family, hopefully she will get to see some of her dearest friends from childhood.  She will spend lots of time with her little brother, she needs it as much as he does, even if she won't admit it. We'll buy chocolate, the ones that connect us so hard to our childhoods, (my Hubs and grands definitely will be waiting for that to come home).  I will explore places that I haven't seen in almost 3 decades, maybe longer.  We'll visit graves and pay respect, but mostly spend time with those that are here.  I've a firm belief that cemeteries are simply for remembering, as our loved ones are not there. 

Well, I can sit here all day and enjoy this breeze and daydream about the journey ahead.  But the humidity is picking up as nature is waking up.  I need to finish watering and head inside. I need to finish Hubs' sweater today and then load that quilt.  So much to do... 

I truly love my life! 

take care, stay cool, drink LOTS of water, 

much love, b

the apron club...

March showers are definitely falling.  Such blessings.  I am sitting here listening to the gentle rhythm of the rain, it feels as if it is washing away the weariness of the world. When I glance out the window, I see the first blossoms of springtime, sneaking in through the chill of the evenings. 

I have no idea what kind of tree is outside my window, I just know that it bursts forward with beautiful white flowers, it's always the first sign of spring in my little garden. Already I am catching bursts of that beautiful spring green.  I love that color, only outside, in nature, it fills my heart as a gentle reminder that spring is getting ready to come on the scene in a huge way.  One day the trees will still be barren and cold, the grass will be muted, flowers are still resting deep underground as you start your day, and just like that the day will end in springtime. 

I guess if you need any further proof that God is taking care of us and providing for our needs, then maybe you aren't really looking. 

Yesterday while I was finishing my chores I listened to a YouTube channel that I usually don't follow.  I'm not even sure where I got the link that led me to it.  It was in something that I do usually follow, it's a site I visit periodically, but for some reason I have never subscribed.  I subscribed yesterday.  

I had started to listen earlier in the day, but I knew I was distracted and wouldn't give it the attention it seemed to deserve, so I'd saved it for ironing time.  A time when I knew I wouldn't be interrupted, no one was likely to call or text, and honestly is there a chore that is more mindless than ironing?  

It was on Roots and Refuge, and I am including the link.  It's a devotional and it's about "homesteading".  Yet, not in the way you would expect.  Sure she touches on the things that fill my heart, taking care of the home, gardening, being self-sufficient.  All of those things, it was just so different. Be warned, it's about 50 minutes long, but it is definitely worth those precious minutes.  It's more about self-reflection, self-realization, and completely owning your own path and understanding what it is. 

I felt like yesterday was a day filled with messages.  A variety of things that I needed to hear, to feel, and to experience. After all, I also felt powerfully drawn to write also. 

One of the most powerful parts of the day, was when she mentioned the apron club.  For me it felt like a giant smack upside the head and heart.  I know I joke about being "retired", I am not now, nor do I feel will I ever be retired.  I do feel like I finally got promoted to the greatest career path I was ever blessed to have.  I am a homemaker.  I am a proud member of the apron club. My favorite apron is stained, faded and definitely worn.  It's been used to wipe tears, grab hot pans, wipe my hands on, and to protect me from many things.  I should make a few more just like it, maybe someday I will make the time. 

There are times that I battle bitterness that I had not been able to embrace that path when my babies were young and needed me.  I have had deep regrets that bubble to the surface at my own blindness, at allowing myself to believe in the fear man was driving into my heart.  How we wouldn't survive if I wasn't working as hard and as fast as I could.  I watched longingly at the relationship my daughter has with her own children, mainly due to the fact that she is a 100% hands on mom.  

I own that.  I pray about it.  And I thank God for finally breaking me free from it all.  Now I am a full-time grandma, available at a moments notice.  When my grand-daughter calls and asks me to meet her sisters bus, I don't have to hesitate, I simply go - providing I'm not scrambling about like a blind mouse searching for my keys... I am able to be there when my children, husband, family, friends or even neighbors need me. 

Are there times I allow man's ways to disturb me?  Absolutely!  I can get in a tail spin the same as everyone else.  I promise you, Monday I was beyond disturbed.  As I went first to my bank to find out I could no longer physically interact with a teller, but in a very Jetsonesque manner I could interact via a computer monitor in the lobby.  And when that was topped off by them telling me that I could no longer receive or deposit change physically.  Well, my mind was 100% blown.  I simply wanted to cash a few checks and the fact that I could only receive the paper dollars back and had to allow them to deposit my coins felt foreign and controlling.  I was absolutely not okay with that experience and I am now evaluating my relationship with their new model.  I'm sorry, I am not really okay with such a non-personal method of dealing with people. 

I followed it up by a quick trip to my least favorite store.  I needed a few paper products for our home and thought it would be least expensive by going to Wal-Mart.  As a general rule I avoid the one closest to our home, I dislike the coldness, the lack of cashiers, the location, well basically everything.  I will usually drive to the next town and go to theirs, but I was on a bit of a time crunch.  I was trying to get everything done in an hour, so... ours it was. 

I never in my life dreamed that buying 120 plastic trash bags would cost $23.85, but there I was looking at the prices in stunned disgust.  I guess it hits me a bit harder than some folks, because I avoid going to the store unless I absolutely have to.  I also needed tissues... $9.99 for 6 boxes?  I used to loose my mind at the thought of $7 for 6. I even considered going with the generics on both items, but the prices were the same, so I figured I'd stay with what I knew.  In fact, every single item that I have always purchased was significantly higher in price.  In September I'd bought the same trash bags, and seriously struggled with paying $15.95 for them.  

After those shocks I decided to browse the store a bit.  I wasn't purchasing, but I wanted to absorb the atmosphere, my fellow shoppers, the prices on an assortment of items.  I guess I felt like a glutton for punishment as my daddy used to say. 

As I wandered in stunned silence I noticed the prices on laundry soap have soared to unreasonable levels, it's mostly water folks. Suddenly feeling very thankful that I have a fair amount in my pantry and that I have discovered that Soap Nuts work much better than chemicals. 

Everywhere I turned there were faces of dismay, I heard so many people speaking about prices in whispered horror as they would put things back instead of in their carts.  People are struggling, hard. 

When I left I was in a bit of a tailspin, I was stunned, shocked and frankly angry.  After spending time with Hubs at lunch, processing my thoughts on it all and talking through things.  I felt better.  Was I still shocked, yeah, but in a different light. I know that God is the ultimate provider and while man may be focused on making life complicated, expensive and unyielding, God will provide.  I stopped being a part of it all. 

A part of it must have lingered, because I truly felt that the message yesterday was directed at me personally.  I know my sweet Hubs often says I am a prepper, I'm not.  I'm a homemaker.  I am someone that puts on my apron and takes care of my family, my friends and others who need it.  I have finally found the spot I belong in life.  

I love growing our food, would I love a larger plot of land that I could plant and produce more, sure.  But it's not that season in our lives.  Maybe someday that is a path I will follow, now is not the time.  I love canning and cooking.  I cherish knowing what I am feeding my loved ones.  I care about the things that the world today tries to make into seem "old-fashioned".  Out of step with "modern times".  I'm okay with that, I don't wish to be part of the disaster that I see with modern times.

I am caring for the earth, my loved ones, my community in the way I have been called to do for this place and time.  Who knows where I will be later.  Who knows what talents (Luke 19:11-27) the Lord will bless me with going forward, but like the first and second servants let me multiply those talents and bless my Lord with my gratefulness at his trust in me.  Because I know that as I demonstrate my faithfulness and ability to manage what is given to me, I will receive greater gifts. 

Beau agrees... 

Speaking of which... the shirts are finished and will be delivered this evening, the chores are complete and this woman is ready to make quilts... time to get busy multiplying my blessings. And while I am at it... might need to make up a few more aprons... I pray this club multiplies as well...

love and prayers... 

a new kind of busy...

I've been busy. Physically, mentally, spiritually. I haven't felt drawn to write, I've been processing and working my way through a variety of thoughts and feelings.  All of it has been good.  In fact it's been fairly wonderful.  I just haven't felt like writing. 

I've been busy stepping out of this crazy mixed up controlled world that we've grown used to living in.  I've stepped away from so much that when I do actually walk out into it, I often find myself suffering massive culture shock. 

I've been healing. My body, my mind, my heart and my soul.  Once I stepped back and really started doing the things I've needed to do so much greatness is happening.  My hand is slowly healing, I guess I really needed to stop for a bit to allow it time.  It's been rough.  I need to be busy, it's in my very essence (FYI - the Bible talks about the necessity of valued work and it's importance - guess it's hard wired in me).  I discovered copper and its healing properties. I've learned to rely more on my left hand than my right and most importantly, I've learned when to stop.  That was the hardest lesson. I've always been that push through until you finish what you want to do person, Not listening to the needs of my own body, a bit of pain didn't equal a stopping point. 

Being lost in my Bible, I am learning new things daily.  I am being reminded of things I've always known, but walked away from for too long.  Hubs and I discovered "the Chosen" series and have to confess we might have binged watched it.  I highly recommend it.  Now we find ourselves anxiously waiting for season 4.  If you have a Roku television (who doesn't, I mean can you even buy one without it?) Angel Studios is a free channel.  It's 100% crowdfunded, it's 100% amazing. 

getting ready for mouse races
who wants to come?

I've been creating, in many, many ways.  In fact I have a few things that need finished up this morning.  I am working on a fairly good sized order for a veteran's group and my mission is to finish it today.  Then I won't feel guilty as I get back into quilting like a crazy woman.  

the start of a 15 hour assembly journey

gotta check that packing list...
all there!

Of course she needed a name
"the Beast"

such beautiful stitches...
I am in love

Yup, my longarm finally arrived.  I played with it for several days while waiting for the shirts and vinyl to arrive, it's been lingering quietly while I worked on this order.  I feel I have another two hours and that project is done and off to the owner. 

I cleaned out my sewing studio, I cut all of the fleece I've acquired over the years into blanket and donated it to a guy that does rescue transport for dogs and cats.  I had zero need for it and the babies that he is rescuing will be comforted. The cleaning out, the gifting for such a good cause, lifted my spirit and my heart.  Now I have more space and they have more comfort. 

While cleaning out, I discovered that I have scraps (yep, I'm that crazy person that firmly believes in waste not, want not) going back almost 40 years.  Stuffed in boxes, cupboards and totes.  My mission moving forward, will be to make an assortment of baby quilts using the bits and pieces up.  Will they win any awards, of course not, that isn't the plan.  Instead, I will create them, use them to hone my quilting skills and then donate them to a charity that supports mothers that choose life, regardless of their circumstances. Not sure where that idea came from, but it came rushing in and I can't shake it.  

I am preparing my garden beds and getting ready to start planting.  I am working on cooking healthy, whole foods for my family.  I am spending time with my family and friends.  Life has been filled with joy and laughter. 

someone is cheating on mom...

please can I have another?
look at our miracle boy ❤

the night we shall not discuss...

sentry duty... what are those deer doing?

she needs to stop growing so fast

Again, I've been busy and blessed.  I've had heartwarming conversations with friends that were simply a few exchanged messages.  Yet filled my heart.  I messaged briefly with one of my longest friends in my life the other day.  They'd suffered a loss that was deep, I needed them to know that I felt their pain and was praying for them as they sorted through it.  I was blessed to hear from a young man that used to work for me, we are setting a catch up date over middle eastern food, he is an amazing kid, yep, have to use that word as he is the age of my oldest grands.  I am looking forward to hearing how his life is going and all of the good he is doing. 

Busy... I know busy means a lot of things to a lot of people.  It's so different to me now, so very different than it was a few years back.  

A few years ago, I would have been working long hours, struggling through exhaustion, an annual fundraiser (one that I truthfully never found my way to believe in), struggling for numbers and dollars.  We still donate, minimally, Hubs is still a part of that world.  I pray daily for the people that were part of my world back then, for the hard work and stress they go through at this time of the year. And then I praise God because my life is busier than ever!  Yet it is full of meaningful work, things that fill my heart and allow my spirit to fly.  I am no longer running on a wheel like a hamster, trying desperately to reach something that will forever be out of my reach. 

Happiest of birthdays to my Mom!

Our little birthday girl! 
6 looks good on you

I am blessed.  I have time for loved ones, I have gotten to share in the joy of my grands, celebrate milestone birthdays, laugh, be supportive on a moments notice for those I love and care about all without guilt or stress.  I am so very, very blessed. 

I will never stop working, pretty sure Hubs won't either, it isn't our nature.  Sitting and binge watching shows had us both full of energy with a need to "do", but our souls and spirit needed tending as well. 

their newest way to wrestle... 20 minutes worth
all on their backs... hysterical!

she is so beautiful...
although hardly ever still

His centerfold pose

I feel strongly that the chaos and insanity swirling around us is more of a call to each of us to step back, reconnect in our hearts and then seriously reevaluate the path forward. I don't know how frequently I will feel drawn to write.  Again... I have been busy.  When I feel it, I will be here, when I don't... well... 

The plants need their weekly drink and as the puppies have settled down for their morning naps, I need to get busy with finishing that order.  I really, really want to quilt... 

sunshine and dirt...

I finally found my motivation yesterday, after writing I took my coffee out on the deck and sat with my babies soaking up the sunshine. While doing a bit of research on the best time to start planting different seeds in my area.  One thing led to another and before long I was covered in dirt, my boxes were ready and after a couple of hours, the first garden of the year was planted.  It felt wonderful! I didn't call anyone, I simply turned on the different podcasts that I listen to, pulled out the seeds from my stash and got busy.  

Spending time outdoors is so important.  Too many folks avoid it nowadays, we fail to remember the great need we have on a very deep level to spend as much time as possible in nature.  It's been proven that the smell of dirt acts like a natural anti-depressant.  And that spending time in the sunshine and fresh air have a host of benefits.  Increasing your serotonin level, your vitamin D and strengthening your immune system. All while lowering stress, blood pressure and lowering your heart rate.  I think all of those factors greatly improved my energy level and improved my overall mood yesterday. 

After hours of playing in the dirt, planting peas, carrots, bok choy, lettuces, several different kinds of spinach and about 10 different varieties of radishes I was no longer in a funk.  I was ready to tackle more of the items on my to do list. 

freshly washed in today's rain

Before I knew it the backdoor was scrubbed and prepped for painting, so of course I decided to take advantage of the beautiful day before today's rain.  I almost got finished before the little wildlings decided to run out and brush up against it.  That bright white makes it look so clean and fresh out there.  The difference is unbelievable.  I might still put in a sliding door, I still do not like the struggle with the one that is there, but... I might wait a year or so.  We'll see. 

I bought the paint for the front door.  It's going from blue to a deep "forbidden red" - I think it looks more like barn red, but what do I know. I knew I wasn't going to have time to complete that project yesterday, I haven't even scrubbed it all down.  And I knew rain was heading our direction today, so it will have to wait.  Maybe tomorrow afternoon or Sunday, after the current rain ends and before the next cycle of it begins.  

I'm pretty thankful for the rain, we sure haven't had much for a fairly long time and I have been a bit concerned at how low our rivers have been. Not to mention that my sweet garden much prefers the gentle rains to my pour pitchers of water over them. 

The babies got lots of walks in parks yesterday afternoon, I will admit that this staying light later thing is pretty sweet, at least for puppy walks!

We even took the babies for a walk in the moonlight, did you see that moon?  Holy cow it was lovely!  Huge and bright.  I saw a meme today that had me laughing "Feeling kind of cute, might make everyone crazy later", completely accurate.  People are far more affected by the moon than they give it credit for. I remember conversations with friends back when I worked about it being a full moon and being able to tell by the behaviors of many people. I need to dust off my good camera to take pictures.  My phone simply doesn't do it justice. 

Today's rain will give me the excuse to stay inside and tidy the house, clean up the daily (hourly) puppy killing fields.  They kill at least one or two toys a day.  Seems the only one Belle doesn't slaughter is a tiny teddy that she loves to carry around in her mouth. Although she is also currently pretty happy with the new rope ones daddy brought home yesterday. 

I'm not sleepy, I'm playing... as she falls asleep

I will switch to my painting clothes before long and I do some inside painting today.  I just need to figure out how to block the babies from helping, Belle currently has white frosting on her ear, tail and spots on her hip from all her assistance yesterday.  And those are just the spots I didn't see and wipe off of her.  

And I can't forget that I have a couple of other projects to work on that aren't house related.  The sewing for my grand daughter and I am finally ready to start on the featherweight case.  It's beyond damaged and not able to be used, so today I will start the reconstruction and giving it a face lift.  That will take a few days at best, so I figured I'd get started now.  This one actually belongs to my sister in law and we will be seeing her at the end of April for quilt week, so I need to get with it, I want to give the wood glue at least 48 hours to cure and strengthen those weak joints, right now all that is holding it together is the tattered fabric that remains still glued to the wood.  In all fairness it is from 1948 and has earned the right to need some TLC.  

The full moon doesn't make me crazy, it gives me tons of energy and the best way to burn off that energy is to stay busy. I get fussy when I don't have projects to work on, Hubs has been a tad upset that I haven't been spending the evenings sitting in the living room watching tv with him.  I struggle to do it when I don't have a project I want to work on - and "THAT" sweater isn't it at this point.  I simply can't love it! I've tried, it isn't happening.  We need a small break up before I start working on it again. A friend of mine just gave me the perfect distraction!  She ordered the cutest Highland Cow.  I cannot wait to start working on that in the evenings.  I really do enjoy making crochet critters.  

Are you doing something that fills you with joy?  Spending some time outside in the sunshine?  Have you noticed a shift in your mood after you do?  Life is too short to not have things that fill us with joy and purpose... 

love and peace...

p.s. I am fanatic about orange roses - my Papa used to grow them for me... and my sweet Hubs found a beautiful bouquet yesterday, so I thought I would share!

 

welcome home, I love you!

The sunrise is beautiful this morning.  Reds, oranges, deep blues and bits of purple are tinting the skyline.  It's actually breathtaking.  I've finally stopped for a moment and thought I would sit here and enjoy it with a cup of hot coffee.  It's taken almost two and a half hours to drink the first one, cold, while chasing puppies and working around the house. 

I wish Hubs was up here to enjoy it with me, but he's deeply engrossed in a movie.  I want to call him up, but I guess he needs the time alone lost in his movie.  Today is an interesting day for him, fifty years ago he returned home from Vietnam, landing in Washington State, thankful to be back on US soil.  Never anticipating the "welcome" that he received.  That was the day he took off his uniform, his medals and his military persona and threw them in a trash can.  He was just a kid, just twenty years old.  Returning from war.  He was fighting for his country, with all of his heart.  Little did he know how disrespected he would be when he left the plane. 

That is his story to tell.  I've heard him share it.  I've heard many veterans of his generation share a very similar tale.  I am friends and family with veterans from many different battles and wars all in the name of protecting the American people.  They all served proudly, whether they volunteered or were drafted, they have given so much for our nation.  I have never felt the excruciating pain of losing a family member to those battles, but I have sat silently by and comforted the ones that are battle damaged.  Mentally and emotionally they are never the same person. It doesn't matter what conflict it was.  They are simply never the same. 

I have listened to Hubs tell me stories of Junior (his older brother) and his Uncle Ted (who died on his birthday fighting for this country long before I was born).  He tells me that Junior never smoked or drank until he returned from WWII, and after that moment, he was never completely sober again.  The scars of all that he saw eating at him for the rest of his life. 

When I first moved here, Hubs might acknowledge that he'd served, but he was always very silent and reserved about it.  I held him tight the first time he visited the traveling wall and found his friend's name.  Those wounds don't heal, you just learn to deal with life moving forward. 

Being a veteran doesn't make that exclusive on dealing with horror, there are many things in life that lead to pain and scars, battle scars as they are often referred to, I have more than a few of my own due to things life has thrown at me.  Yet I can't compare life's bruises, cuts and scars to those that are suffered by our veterans. 

I can't undue the damage that selfish people did.  And no matter how many people thank them for their service, we can never erase that so many of our veterans suffered being called baby killers and were spit on.  Funny, it wasn't the jerk politicians that were causing all of it that suffered, only those that did their duty for country. 

I get twisted inside thinking of some of this.  I get super angry.  I was quite young during that time frame.  I can't say I truly witnessed it.  Maybe it is one of the reasons I fail to rally to the side of all the virtue signalers, the people that refuse to treat others in a fair and equitable manner, the ones that only see their perspective as the right one.  Those that demand things for themselves, while denying it to others. 

I'm proud of my Vietnam Veteran!  He stepped up to the plate when his country needed him. I'm sorry for the jackasses that greeted his plane when it landed.  I regret that he didn't have a hero's welcome home, he should have. All of them should.  I am so proud of how he has dealt with the hurt and what could have been bitterness.  Instead you will always finding him thanking every service member for their service, he will buy their meals, he works with groups to help them find their way in life, he raises money for the veterans programs and he finally proudly wears his own veteran's status for the world to see. 

Fifty years ago today my sweet Hubs came back to the US, I joke around and tell him that he came back because he was supposed to be with me (even though that was a rocky, bumpy detoured filled road).  I don't know what the universe had in mind for him, but I am forever grateful that road led him to me. 

Next time you meet a veteran and they seem closed off, grumpy or even a touch surly, stop for a moment and look beyond.  Look in their eyes, are their shoulders back a bit too much, do they seem standoffish?  Maybe, just maybe they are still waiting to be welcomed home with open arms and pure gratitude.  Those selfish people that were simply tired of war and had no clue where to direct their anger harmed as many people as the war did.  A little love and gratitude can make a world of difference. 

Say thank you, listen to their stories, and for pities sake be there to hold them when they finally break through!

love and peace...