living life!

Time often slips away from me.  Not from bad things, but simply from living an incredible life.  I am often busier than I realize, again not in a bad way, but in a fulfilling and energizing way.  This morning I am sitting here, relaxing for a few minutes in front of the warmth of the fire that my sweet Hubs built for me as I was very cold for some reason.  

I won't linger for long.  I do have a lot to catch up on, again, I've let time swiftly sneak away from me.  The pups and I have been doing a lot of walks and hikes, we've climbed a few "mountains" to us, high hills if you live in the mountains.  The climbs were intense, but invigorating.  Hubs has even been able to join us a bit more and he definitely did a full hill climb with us.  We have discovered that we really love going to the Rockwoods Conservation Area about 25 minutes away.  

In fact I am pretty sure we will go today.  There is a 2.5 mile trail that I have been longing to try out. Until we try it, I don't want to take Hubs.  Too many hills aren't great for his back while he is healing. And healing he is.  Although there is another trail just 15 minutes from our house that was pretty darn incredible and we could tackle the whole thing today, I wimped out last time... Oh the decisions.  

Emmenegger Nature Park

Emmenegger Nature Park

He opted out of surgery for his back.  Too many doctors want to go that route straight away.  Thankfully, he was assigned to an incredible pain management doctor.  We both love him!  The last thing he suggested was surgery, in fact he advised against it.  He asked for 90 days.  Ninety days to use natural methods, movement, water therapies, diet, walking, and ultimately a few injections to help with the journey.  Discussions are always around the proper shoes, what to eliminate from his diet, movements that will accelerate healing and strength.  

Rockwood Conservation Area
1/3 of the way up on Trail among the Trees

My focus for Beau this year was to get him healthier, to hopefully prevent another seizure ever.  Belle and I are benefitting from supporting our boys.  We are both getting stronger and healthier right along with them. 

naptime... this mom is crazy

Meramec Greenway -
Arnold Grove Trail

Moonshine Hallow Trail
 - St. Francois State Park 

They say you should always be learning and trying new things to prevent yourself from a wide assortment of ailments both mental and physical.  I'm gonna say we are on it this year. 

St. Francois State Park - just us

This morning as I was fixing Hubs lunch and prepping things that I will work on today, that thought was echoing through my head.  In a few I will get dressed and take my babies hiking.  But when we get home I have a busy day lined up.  By then the chickpeas will have soaked long enough to be canned and processed.  I need to prep a couple of batches of ice cream so I can use up my heavy cream, before I get the fresh batch.

I will start the yogurt tonight, because last night got wonky and I forgot. I'll put it on before we head out to pick up this weeks order from the farm. I am still in awe of how much I love fresh raw milk.  We have definitely had an amazing benefit taken away from us for far too long. 

Tomorrow I will finish the batch of french butter that is fermenting on the counter.  I am so intrigued by it.  The more I learn about fermented foods the more obsessed I become about incorporating it in our daily meals. 

I guess I am learning things on a regular basis.  

Tomorrow I am stepping out of my comfort zone and taking a class.  I don't need the whole class, but I will definitely take advantage of the opportunity it provides.  I'm going out to the August A. Busch Memorial Conservation Center to take a class.  I don't often do group anything and definitely not with complete strangers, on my own.  But here we are.  

Nature knitting with natural dyes... the title alone lured me in.  The course description sealed the deal.  It isn't about the knitting for me, as it is a learning to knit type scenario, but the natural dies... I'm in paradise.  They are going to teach us how to use things found in nature... pokeberries, pawpaw leaves and goldenrod flower heads oh my... to create natural dyes for yarn.  The fact that it was free was an even stronger motivation for me. Probably coupled by the fact that I have quite a bit of natural alpaca roving and a few skeins of natural fibers waiting for the chance to be vibrant and exciting.  Okay, that last bit is hysterical coming from a woman who's main wardrobe is multi-shades of black. 

I am a bit of a knowledge junkie.  I love to learn and experience new things.  

My learning journey is helping me to replace the disposable things, the chemically treated things, the toxic bi-products that we are taught are good for us, with things that truly are. Will I ever be able to replace it all, at this point in my life, probably not.  Can I minimize the impact on our lives and health, why yes I do believe so. 

There are many things that I would love the ability to have and do, I mean access to a nice deep well... come on what crazy woman doesn't dream of that?  A flock of laying hens?  Well, duh.  Seems a bit of a stretch for someone that lives in a HOA in suburbia.  So I'll take the small wins.  

Almost the peak of Trail among the Trees
Yup I was too afraid
to be that close to the edge

Rockwood Conservation Area

Moonshine Hallow Trail

Hikes amongst the trees and streams, just outside of the city limits.  Buying real food from a farmer, instead of the grocery store.  Growing and preserving what I can.  You get the idea.  Slowly the plastics and the unnatural fibers are leaving us.  

It's all about what fills your spirit.  This fills mine.  The healing, the recovery from a system I don't feel we were truly meant to be part of.  

I love this journey. 

Well, the fire is fading down to wispy embers, my toes are nice and warm.  It's time to start prepping for the hike.  Waters to fill, pups to get a dusting with food grade DE (Beau had a tick on him this morning... didn't know they could live in the cold temperatures - I was wrong evidently) and then we will spend some time walking in the forest.  Soaking up all that surrounds us and fills us with energy. 

I guess I'll decide where we are going as we leave the driveway.  But there are only two amazing days left before the predicted rains start falling.  I am positive that I will not go hiking in the hills in the rain, walking with two strong dogs requires me to have strong safe footing.  During the rains we will walk local. 

Have a blessed day, strive to learn and master something new every day.  It's so empowering.  

much love, 

b

returning..

Welcome to February in the mid-west again this week.  I feel like we have seriously been stuck on groundhog day this year.  It's beautiful and almost spring like the first part of the week, and then Wednesday hits and pow welcome back to winter! It was such a wonderful couple of days so warm and welcoming, this morning it's an awesome 19° with an even colder wind chill and there is snow coming in again.  I love snow, but geez, this month has definitely been a strange one.  Hopefully all my French Toast and bacon friends have stocked up this month, and haven't exhausted their supplies because they might need them again tomorrow.  

The pups and I are going to wait until it is a bit warmer to go on our explorations, none of us are fond of the bitter cold. This morning when I let them out it was absolutely hysterical, Belle literally stopped in her tracks with her toy and her mouth and backtracked she was not about to go outside and freeze. 

I had such a great day yesterday.  There wasn't anything super special about it... but it definitely felt special.  As I prepped the meals for Hubs' awesome team, everything went like it should.  Nothing was wonky or didn't flow.  The pups were well behaved with a house full of strangers, and they definitely were over the moon with all of the snuggles and treato's. The energy of the afternoon and evening was super calm, far calmer than it has been for quite some time. Hubs wasn't feeling too great, he picked up some type of stomach bug in our travels so he went to bed super early once he got home from work.  So the pups and I played and relaxed together for the evening, I even got a large bit of work done on "that" sweater.  

Speaking of "that" sweater, I have firmly decided I am my own worst enemy on it.  I so desperately want to start on the brown one, that I am not fully engaged in that one.  Do you ever find yourself longing to do something else so the current project, activity, event etc, seems like drudgery?  I have two projects going right now that I am balking at.  I can feel myself doing it. I want them done, but get super fussy every time I work on them.  One out of frustration, the other because I want to move forward to the next project. As a result I am finding myself easily distracted and struggling to focus. 

I have a couple of small projects that I haven't finished yet, neither will take much time, I just haven't gotten around to it.  Both will require the pups to be napping or engaged with Hubs for me to do them, Pups under your feet while playing with melted waxes and oils is never a recipe for success.  I think I am going to get those finished today and then I am going to knuckle down and complete my two challenges.  For pities sake one of them is a Christmas gift.  Yes... I am that friend... 

I am feeling like my own energy is clearing and returning.  I've felt a bit out of it for a few weeks, not really having much motivation to do much of anything, and everything has been semi-pushed aside leaving me feeling incomplete.  If that makes any sense.  I hate having things I want to get done piling up because I simply feel blah.  Not sick blah, just energetically blah.  

Hubs and I moved my elliptical upstairs the other day, because I frankly can't ever use it when I have the motivation with it downstairs, my motivation and Hubs work projects seemed to collide time wise. So this morning, I decided before even going downstairs I was going to get my workout in, I haven't been putting much attention into my therapy, along with anything else.  I have to admit, I sort of felt like a rock-star getting 10 straight minutes in, I know that doesn't seem like much, but considering I haven't been able to, it felt like a huge accomplishment. Now lets see if I can keep the energy moving in that direction. 

I am hoping this clearing is more of a universal energy than a personal one.  There is a lot of stagnant and bitter energy that has been hanging around for a good long while now.  I am ready for a fresh start.  I am ready for families and loved ones to start remembering that they are important to one another.  I am ready for neighbors to speak without fear in their eyes, I am seriously ready for the rebirth that springtime brings. 

I feel there is much that needs to come to light, so much healing that has to happen.  I am a rip the band-aid off kind of gal, so... let's rip it, let's expose the ugly and let it heal in the light! I feel like so much has been slowly coming to the surface in my personal life and also throughout the world.  

I never want to return to our old normal, after almost two year, I see it for what it was.  Not my cup of tea so to speak.  I am ready for a fresh cup, I am ready for a rebirth, I am ready. 

The puppies have started that journey for me.  They are forcing me to be out in public, to be around people, to have conversations.  I am finding that I truly enjoy my neighbors, chatting with them, learning about their families and sharing their experiences.  At least most of them. But isn't that life?  I mean it would be terrible if we were all the same and moved in lock step. 

My daughter has been talking about being a trustee for our neighborhood for a long time, but the timing hasn't been great. I asked her the other day if I could nominate her, finally the time is right.  She's been dreaming up ways to build unity in our small little community for years.  I plan to really work on helping her get voted in, I think her ideas might just be what our community needs.  It might just be one of the biggest sparks that brings us all back together.  

Another neighbor started a plan for a tiny lending library, yet another neighbor spearheaded the building of it, we are waiting on approval of the trustees, but it is ready to go.  I am watching this beautiful web being woven, bringing so many folks with immense diversity back to being whole, I am loving it!  

I am not entirely sure what my personal role is in it all.  I am going with the flow.  I mean, the fact that I am actually meeting people and being friendly is HUGE for me. I was not that person.  My coffee cup pretty well sums me up... "Introverted, but willing to discuss quilting"... well quilting or any of my other passions. Maybe I'm not introverted, maybe I just needed to feel safe?

Well, I've rambled long enough today, the snow flurries are starting to dance across the sky and I've exposed my current questions about this crazy mixed up world. Now it's time to settle down, and work on those two small projects while my babies are snoozing. After that... I will work on "that" sweater, it's time to put it to rest. I'll need a quiet project while Hubs naps today - he's taking a sick day to get over his tummy bug. 

love and peace everyone...

assumptions...

Washing up the breakfast dishes, staring out the window wondering why the birds weren't swarming the feeders yet this morning I was suddenly overcome with the stomach sinking feeling that I hadn't heard a peep out of the pups in at least 10 minutes.  Just like a mom with toddlers, silence instills immense fear.  What could they possibly be up to now?  Grabbing the towel to dry my hands and walking quickly to the other room, I had to quietly swallow my laugh.  How quick I am to assume they are up to no good, when the sweet little fur balls were curled up on a single pillow snoring away, yes, Belle is a snoring pup!!

Walking back to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup and sit down to write I started thinking about assumptions.  I try not to assume, but I do believe it is a very strong human instinct.  Mom's assume their babies are into trouble, no matter the age when they become quiet or distant.  I'm sure on a very deep level it's a protective thing, it sure had me scurrying to the other room, hoping they were alright. Wondering what they had joyously destroyed.

I started wondering about the other kind of assumptions at that point.  I had a deep conversation with one of my sisters last night and as I was drifting to sleep I was processing a few things that we talked about.  Then I was watching a few video's this morning celebrating a child that people assumed would never care for himself - FYI - he's rocking it at life and even has a job now. 

A friend posted about her husband's battle with PTSD, he's young - he's seen and experienced far too much, yet with love he is thriving. He still struggles, there is a sadness in his eyes that I never saw when he was a young boy playing in the woods with my son. Even so, he's a great father, seems to be a fantastic husband and a deeply caring young man. 

Speaking with my nephew about his new job as a tutor at the local community college he was telling me about his experience with "non-traditional" students, I was deeply impressed with the empathy he displayed.  He's an incredibly smart young man, yet he understood this older woman's frustration with technology and didn't assume she was stupid. 

How often do we assume things about people without knowing more about it, about them?  What are the underlying reasons for things that don't mesh with what we view as normal? Do we meet them where they are with love and compassion in our hearts or do we meet them with judgement because they don't meet our standards?  

Sadly, I feel a first instinct is the move back from someone that is different, to step back and assess. Note I didn't say judge, although I know far too many people that do that. I tend to not lean in until I have determined if you are "safe" where I am concerned.  For that reason I have often been labeled throughout my life.  Now that I am older I don't hear it as much, for a large part because I have grown past that protective shield I once carried at all times.  Because I rarely worry about how someone I don't know will judge me, I am me.  Like it or leave it, I only need to be true to myself.  If I reach out to you in love and grace, then I expect the same in return.  If that isn't the case, there might be a time or two more that I will try, but at that point I walk away.  

I am not here to make you love, respect, like, appreciate or a million other things... me.  I am here to learn lessons, to experience this amazing planet and to live the best life I am capable of.  I am here for my soul to grow.  

Not a single soul on this planet is perfect.  Far from it.  Over the past few years I have come to embrace the theory that we are all here on planet Earth to learn.  I personally do believe that we return as many times as need be to learn all that we can, to fully experience life. I believe that the soul is eternal.  I often wonder if that snap judgement of others or situations lies deeper, in things that we personally have either experienced and learned from or in a reflection of a lesson echoing through time?  

All of us have said, done, reacted to and experienced life in many ways.  We all have moments that we are not proud of, we all have things that we truly wish we could have done better, there are things that all of us fail at.  So who are we to judge or assume anything. If I see you doing harm, I will not engage further with you.  I might not engage with you, but I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers and wish good for you, for the reason for things to change or be revealed. 

On the flip side, when I encounter someone doing good, I want to join the cause.  I want to celebrate and uplift that which is pure. And no I am absolutely not the judge of right or wrong, good or bad.  But if your actions are harmful, I will remove myself from the situation. 

I'm not sure what Hubs slipped in my coffee this morning that has me being so deeply introspective or if it was simply combination of conversations yesterday that have my brain in overdrive.  

I'm in a very calm and peaceful place.  I just have questions, thoughts and ideas that I am exploring this morning. 

My sweet pups are awake and it's a nice morning, so I think we are going to go for our walk. Let them smell the smells, and run in the remaining snow.  We will probably get a walk at the park in also, but that will highly depend on the amount of mud.  While I adore snow, and even the rain storms, I abhor mud.  That mess... yuck... 

I hope that all of us takes that moment to probe deeper when we are faced with an assumption.  To learn the real reason behind something instead of looking at the surface as it is presented to us. To not fall into that old adage about the meaning of assume... 

love and peace...

defining yourself...

Oh no... she's back!  I officially put my sticker on my SUV.  Watch out world, feeling more and more like myself lately.  Actually feeling far better than my old self.  As I stood outside and applied my sticker I felt so empowered and more and more like the person that I know I am.  It's a feeling I've been experiencing a lot lately.  I don't feel strongly about bending to meet anyone else, either accept me for who I am or don't. It isn't meant to be mean or ugly, it isn't meant to be really anything at all.  It is simply me. 

It has been a crazy couple of days.  Full of activities, chores, just living life.  I am sitting here unwinding, praying my babies will go to bed early as last night had an interruption due to the batteries in the carbon monoxide detector deciding 2:22 am is a great time to fail. Nothing makes a night of sleep short quicker than an unknown alarm chirping in the dark of the night. The puppies agreed and the three of us spent the next couple of hours hanging out.  

We were all super tired last night, we'd found several trails all within three miles of our house.  They were fantastic for hiking and for the pups to explore without encountering too many other people or dogs.  The whole weekend was beautiful and semi-temperate, I mean if you consider 40 a beautiful day. For late January, I feel it is a perfectly wonderful day!  Today was even better.  And Hubs took them back for a walk on the shorter of the two again today.  

The longer one is definitely my type of trail, Hubs - not so much, although he was a super good sport about powering through it with us.  I had no idea there were two fabulous parks with hiking trails so close to our home.  They have definitely moved to the must walk often list. The babies even made a friend in a four year old Golden Retriever named Sonny.  

I feel so much more energized, my cup fills full and my spirit soars when we are able to spend time outside.  I have extra to give when I feel like that. Anyone else find time to get outside?  Soaking up the vitamin D, looking into the sunshine, feeling it's warm kisses on your face?  Or maybe just outside shivering in the cold and snow? 

Looks like we might have a storm moving in tomorrow night, should be interesting.  The watch changes every time we look.  It's very possible we will end up with at least 5 - 6 inches of snow, although the latest report says up to 16 inches.  Honestly, here in the mid-west that is not a normal winter and doesn't sound great. My sweet babies are going to lose their minds.  

We went and picked up a full load of wood and got it stacked.  We all know I can't go without a fire when there is snow outside.  We are probably going to have to dig a small puppy potty path.  I mean they are growing like crazy but 5 inches of snow will be firmly against their little bellies. 

I figure trapped at home I might actually get some work done on a few projects and even a few chores that I have been slacking on.  I assure you, nothing at home got done today.  I cooked, I helped haul wood, I walked puppies and I went to the post office.  I mean, that felt pretty successful, and filled all of my available hours.  

Well, it's time to sip my sleepytime tea, watch my babies start slowing down for the night and do a bit of knitting.  I hope they get tired soon... momma's weary!

treasure the moments...

Oh my goodness, my heart and bucket are filled to over-flowing right now! It was another early day, but for a far better reason than the ones before, at least in my world. I was blessed to spend time with one of my dear friends.  She always fills my heart with joy and it was wonderful!  We used to deliberately have lunch once a month without fail.  That changed with all of the chaos of shutdowns, etc... but we still get together whenever possible.  I haven't been blessed to see her since around May or June, not sure which... it's just been so long!!!

coffee while waiting on my friend...

When she reached out last week my heart soared, I have far more time than she does, which means I have been praying to see this wonderful woman for a minute. I was crazy excited to go and have breakfast, I am sure if Hubs hadn't needed the truck that I would still be sitting there, holding a space at the restaurant and enjoying the time with her over lingering cups of coffee.  Instead of drinking a cold cup here at home in my cozy chair. 

I don't often get to spend time with people that get me in my fullest measure of uniqueness, she not only gets it, understands it, but walks the path too.  I treasure time spent like that.  

I drove home lost in thought with my heart filled to the max, I needed that moment in time. Hanging out with members of my tribe fill my heart.

I didn't write yesterday, I was simply in a strange place, the world felt far to distant and I was wrapped up in my project and didn't feel like being a part of the world.  I was awake at 3:15 am to get Hubs ready for work and couldn't get back to sleep.  So I stayed awake and silent.  I was deeply engrossed in my project, it is coming along so wonderfully, and I couldn't bare to do anything not related to it. Trust me, the house looks like it too. 

I couldn't help but feel like the world was on fire yesterday, maybe not in a bad way, maybe in a cleansing way.  As I was walking to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup the sun was starting to rise.  The entire world shone a beautiful deep red orange.  It was breathtaking.  To the point that I found myself on the deck in my pj's in 28 degree weather attempting to capture it.  I should have known there was no way the beauty could be contained in pixels. It was just not meant to be preserved except in my mind and heart.  Today's sunrise was beautiful, but completely different.  The radiance and feeling were simply not there, it was calm and watercolor soft.  

I believe I needed yesterday to reset, to pause myself and take stock of everything.  Today has been a completely different day.  I was thoughtful and reflective yesterday, I was planning in my head as my needles slid in and out of my work.  I didn't have the energy to people at all.  I was lost in the mist of the day.  A lot of it was probably exhaustion from pacing with Hubs' schedule.  I am not someone that easily naps or goes back to sleep once awake.  I crashed by 7:30 last night, I am fairly certain I didn't fully wake until the alarm went off at 5:15 this morning. 

Today, I am ready to tackle the world.  I'm getting ready to make some pies for tomorrow and of course work on my project.  I already got to experience the joy of friendship, on top of the joy of feeling like an adult.  For the first time since July I drove somewhere, by myself.  Granted I had to take Hubs' truck, but as it is the only vehicle we have it couldn't be helped. I am still super comfortable with my decision to not replace my car. 

I guess I need to get busy.  I decided at the last minute that I needed to make a Keto stuffing for Hubs and I for tomorrow, so I need to get a batch of bread made that I can use.  And Hubs feels that another batch of the peanut butter fudge would be a great addition to any plans that I have, we'll see if that happens, he still has some left and the day is getting a bit long in the tooth. It was worth it.  Time with friends, Hubs and talking to both girls and the boy, I would say it's been a successful day...

love and peace...

around the campfire...

Sitting here by the dying embers of the fire in my fireplace at home, is so very different than by the campfire.  Just as relaxing and centering for me, but so very different.  I feel a fire is healing, probably not too ironic for a Leo birth sign.  I could sit by a fire all day, it calms me, causes me to feel centered and balanced. 

As we sat beside our final night campfire on Thursday it felt like we had just arrived, neither of us could believe that 5 wonderful days had flown by in what felt like the blink of an eye. We stayed up late to watch the last of the embers.  We'd already realized that we would be winterizing our camper the next day, as the campgrounds either close or go to dry camping only far too soon.  

a fire and full moon

As we are early risers we both made sure to be up and bundled for our final campfire yesterday morning.  Every last bit of firewood was enjoyed while sipping our coffee and enjoying the moon setting behind the ridge as the sun rose on the other ridge.  We were both a bit chilled as the embers finally faded, 46 is a bit chilly when you have been snuggled up to a crackling fire. 

The peace of welcoming a full moon and end of the Mercury retrograde while lounging beside our warm campfires filled both of our hearts with a calmness, with joy and happiness.  I felt like a kid again.  I know that I cannot be an RV person full time, I need my home and space, that brings me a different kind of peace, but it is so very, very hard to leave the campsite. 

We didn't go far, only about 90 minutes from home, just far enough.  Yet so much happened during those five days.  

I was just finishing up one of the Christmas presents I started yesterday while lingering over my coffee, my thoughts swirling like mad, wondering if the weather had lied to us yet again. We were supposed to spend a day outside with friends at their cabin, but the promise of non-stop rain had us changing plans last minute.  

as Hubs pointed out... me fishing..

All week I had my calendar with me and barely managed to write a thing, yet we were busy each day.  Expending time like it was going out of style.  We haunted antique stores, found fishing holes (definitely not enough), we walked and walked and walked, we explored little towns, we collected black walnuts, spied on baby raccoons playing in the moonlight along the walking trail, we watched the deer playing in the almost vacant campground and we hiked. 

can you find the raccoon?

The first couple of days were very uncomfortable for my knee, I was worried that I had made a bad decision, but then by the third morning I realized I wasn't walking stiff, that it was bending and I could easily step over the uneven ground and tree limbs and roots.  It almost felt normal.  It's still a bit tight and initially I struggle a bit, but I can actually use it almost normal.  How do I know? Did you notice that I said I hiked?  

look who's leading!

so many deer...

On Thursday, after longingly looking at all the hiking trails - and admittedly being very jealous on my niece that goes hiking and posts amazing pictures - I talked Hubs into trying a hiking trail. All of the trails at Meramec State Park are moderate or rough.  So I studied their descriptions of the landscaping and what you would encounter on all of the moderate trails.  I was definitely determined. 

The trail I really wanted to take unfortunately had a lot of steep inclines and declines, and I knew my knee is not a fan of those at all.  Want to mess me up?  Send me on a path with a lot of downhills, I can handle uphill fairly well, but downhill... nope not good for me. 

ready to conquer my fears!

So I grudgingly settled for path number 2.  I even agreed to use my cane (shhh... don't tell Hubs, but the only reason is because I don't currently own a walking stick) to insure that I was able to keep my balance.  It was not only breathtakingly beautiful, but the accomplishment!!!  I hiked!!  So many self limiting ideas vanished in that moment.  As I made it to the top of the first small hill, I was fairly certain that I was invincible.  I am sure my dear sweet Hubs was losing his ever loving mind as he followed me.  I felt stronger and braver with each step.  After 12 long weeks of recovery and years of pain, I was finally able to do something that I love more than anything, I was able to hike in the forest.  

And this is the perfect time of year for it if you ask me.  The temperature was cool (great on several accounts - I don't like to be hot and the snakes are hibernating!), the breezed was swirling the falling leaves all around us and the colors are spectacular. I am definitely an autumn girl.  It is my preferred season. 

I took my laptop with me.  I fully intended to blog each day.  Yet something about the stillness of the river, the beauty all around me, the flow of the days.  I simply couldn't.  I had no desire to connect to the greater world. 

I spent hours walking, sitting in the sunshine, knitting and crocheting, playing cards, reading, star gazing and simply enjoying the time with my sweet Hubs.  The thought of anything external seemed like an intrusion.  The fact that the internet was so spotty as we discovered when Hubs had to do some work only seemed to reinforce that it was definitely something I did not want to engage in.  

I was fussy when work intruded for Hubs.  I didn't want to be, but dang it felt disrespectful.  I remember when I was never able to completely shut off, I didn't realize until it wasn't an issue anymore how deeply damaging it is to never be able to disconnect. At the time you feel needed, you feel valued.  From this side of the coin... it's disrespectful.  You are not being treated as a human, you are being treated as property.  You are not being valued, with an understanding that as a person that gives all the time you occasionally need to recharge, to refill your own bucket... nope you are simply the easy answer.  I hate when people treat each other like that. 

How did we survive before the advent of electronic leashes?  Oh yeah, we used our own brain power to problem solve or we waited...

Okay off my soap box, soon Hubs will retire and that will no longer be a thing. 

Back to the forest, river and surrounding beauty.  I decided instead of just trying to turn my ankles on all of the black walnuts, I was going to harvest some.  I have two bag fulls that have already had the hulls removed that I gathered in lieu of another hike yesterday.  I haven't tried harvesting them for years, but decided I was going to go for it. Today I will scrub the shells and store them down in the furnace room for the next few weeks.  If everything goes as planned we will be able to enjoy them right around the holidays.  

Meramec River

card shark...

Hubs got carded buying wine, only in Uranus!

It sure felt like a hard jolt back to reality yesterday. We'd stayed at the campsite until the last possible moment and if there wasn't someone coming in to take the site we would probably still be sitting there. It felt like such a final end to the season to winterize the camper.  I know that we can still go dry camping, but I might be too spoiled to have to walk in the cold to a shower/bathroom.  But I am definitely not going to say it will never happen.  Hubs and I tend to decide strange things all the time.  

Touching back down to home base definitely filled up the to do list a bit.  Or maybe it's simply called adulting?  Yesterday, we rushed to do most of the yard work before we took the camper back to the storage unit.  The promised rain definitely looks like it will arrive, so it is a good thing that we rushed to complete the task, we were almost at the point we needed to consider a grazing animal to keep the lawn under control.  I still need to trim back the gardens and put them to bed for the winter.  Just the idea makes me sad. 

I am so thankful for those five beautiful days and nights, I feel energized and ready to take on the world.  Thankfully, my mind and body seem to both be in the same place at the same time... I know this is picture heavy... sorry... nope not sorry... hope you can cherish the beauty with us... 

peace and love...