Showing posts from May, 2013


Well good morning Friday, you sure have been an elusive seductress this week!  It was wonderful to wake up to the sounds of the birds chirping and realize that you had finally decided to show up.  This has been a long short week. The kind that makes Saturday looming on the horizon look so promising, does it hold the treasures of sleep, relaxation, and rest?  Or will it be another rush, rush kind of day? Oh I think I am trying to get ahead of myself....

I had a wonderful evening last night, I got to spend almost 3 hours with my girls being pampered, we all went to see Pen, she is probably my most favorite beautician ever!  She takes her time, isn't rushed and is so friendly.  I know it will be a few hours when I go to Pen's, but I also know I will feel wonderful when I leave.  My hair will look beautiful, in that way that you personally can not duplicate and love because it's so perfect.

It's a relaxed kind of space where she offers up ice water and coffee while you sit…

Overworkers Anonymous?

mmmmmm.... coffeeeeee.... Yep that is the voice in my brain today!  I am ready for the weekend, ready to relax and unwind. I woke up remembering that it is only Thursday. Thursday is so far from Friday when you are just exhausted!  Long, short weeks are brutal! Am I the only person that feels like a holiday is rewarded with a busier four days? 
I wish I could say it was work that was keeping me running in circles... sadly, it's not.  My fur boys and my men keep wanting to eat (what in the world is up with that?), the laundry needs attention and the garden is still not all the way planted.  I have to admit that in this world of mine right now, I am an equal opportunity slacker! There is an equal balance of things not getting done!

I am anxious to start the weekend this week.  I think I am just tired of always being behind.  I am already creating my to do list.  I want to finish getting my garden in, it looks so sad as we are moving into June.  I still have three beds that haven…

The Cherry on Top!

Or at least a cup cake! Last night was wonderful!!  I don't know who was more excited... I am thinking it was me!  It is so hard to believe how fast seven weeks simply flew by.  My quilting class finished up last night, we celebrated, stayed a bit late and I gave each of them a "cupcake".  I had so much fun with them.  It's a class I will miss!

Only a bit though, a couple have signed up again, we will start our next journey together soon. I just need to take a few minutes to celebrate them now!  Hubby started on his second quilt, I am going to make time this weekend to help him put the first one on the quilt frame.  I am so proud of him, he did such a great job.

The memory quilt made for a hubby gone to soon, is so beautiful.  The love shows through.  Particularly in the tiny stitches of the perfect hearts.  The colors blend well.  I am sure when she is done it will keep her cozy for so many nights.  It made me smile that she used the pockets of his shirts in the pa…

aaannnnnddddd... Breathe!

Shortly before eleven this morning the crazy chaos of May came to an abrupt end. The last car door shut, the silence rapidly enveloped my daughter's house.  And it all just stopped.  Graduations finished, travels and long weeks over, parties and holidays done.

Hubby and Son start watching a movie, grand baby turns on cartoons, I get a glass of water and curl up with grand baby while visiting with daughter who is back to painting.  The stillness invites the slow down. The quiet activities with no where to go nothing to do, lead to a special peace and calm.

I am tired.  It was wonderful to participate in all these things, it was great to see family. Remarkable to celebrate the accomplishments of so many young people in our family. And through it all ... I am simply tired! My legs are sore, my brain is numb, my exhaustion is complete.  This is the furthest I have pushed myself in a very, very long time. I feel it in every fiber of my being.

By three this afternoon, we've dropped…

I cried...

Yesterday, I cried.  It takes a lot for me to cry.  Either you have to make me very angry or very hurt.  Those are really the only two ways (this of course is barring death and even that falls into the hurt category).  But yesterday was a perfect storm.  I was angry and hurt.  I wanted to scream and yell at the world, but in particular the one that caused the pain.

It isn't the first time, it won't be the last.  Some people simply move through life with blinders on.  They can only see what's in it for them.  And it's damn the torpedo's full speed ahead.  That was yesterday.  The younger me used to get pretty uptight and would have really done something stupid in response.  Like, well respond.  I didn't.  I have changed a lot as I've grown older and I have reached the point where I realize there is a lot of value in just closing the door and walking away from it.

It took me a lot of hours and some wise counsel from Hubby and Daughter to help me see the whol…

Be Still...

Shhhh... it's calm and quiet.  For the first time in longer than I can remember I slept until after 8:00 am.  I guess that isn't much of a feat when you consider that I didn't go to bed until after midnight.  But for me, it is amazing.  I guess the exhaustion of the month caught up with me. 

I can't believe I have been so bad about writing this week.  I just ran out of energy and time.  I couldn't keep my eyes open or my brain focused a minute longer. Today's to do list is so long and demanding, my need for calm is stronger. 

I have three days to tackle the crazy, to clean, to garden, to quilt, to visit with family and to complete what I need to do.  For this minute and time, I need to be still.  I need to absorb the quiet, sip my coffee, and just reflect.

Do you ever have those days?  Those moments at the end of a long stretch of busy and crazy when you just want to catch your breath?  I am in need of that.  In the past three weeks, this is my first fairly …


I have been so crazy busy lately that I am not sure if I am coming, going, or somewhere in the middle.  I often burn my candle at both ends... right now, it kind of feels like I might have lighted a few parts in the middle.  I am fairly certain that this week has been non-stop full moon.  Or I am trapped in a bad remake of ground hog day.

It isn't that I haven't wanted to talk to you all, it's that I have simply not stopped moving until I have fallen asleep. Crazy busy... I want to say it is simply the month.  I am dreadfully afraid it is that old illness I thought I had over come, that one where your brain is screaming "NO!!!!!!!!" and some how magically your lips are moving of their own accord "YES!!!!!"  Yesitis... yep that is what it's called.

A long time ago, I had a complete inability to simply say no.  I spent a lot of time angry at myself, doing things I really didn't want to do, simply because I didn't have the emotional ability to…


That describes my feelings over the past few days.  It was Annie Malone weekend in St. Louis, for 125 years they have been celebrating a woman and her friends that did so much for their community and it continues to impact lives to this day.

The Annie Malone Home and foundation has been taking care of the families and children of The Ville for a long time and in this century has moved it's signature parade to Downtown St. Louis.  I have never attended.  For several reasons.  First and foremost I do not like large gatherings of people.  And this one is the largest held in St. Louis.  Only the Mardi Gras parade might have more folks attend, or maybe it feels that way as it is held in the Soulard neighborhood with narrow streets and closer buildings.  Second, I don't tend to come to Downtown on the weekends, that is my time to decompress. If I am in the area on Annie Malone May Day Parade weekend, I am there because I am working.  And finally, I am not always impressed with how …

Making living? Living a Life..

I wonder about the example I am setting for my kids.  I am glad to have a job, especially one that I enjoy most of the time.  After all these years, I am well aware that once every five to eight weeks I will be working a long week.  It does make you a bit tired and you aren't home much.  It was something we all voted on long ago, it beat the alternative of having several weekends a month when you could not make plans or do anything.

Hubby and I were very insistent with the boy.  Stay in school, focus on your grades, stay out of trouble and we would pay for the car and all monetary needs, while in high school and college.  We wanted his focus to stay on academics.  As a result he has never had to work a menial job.  His work career has all been in academia.  To say that provides a very tainted view of the work world might be an understatement. It also might explain why we have so many youth struggling to understand so much. 

I am torn, was I fair to him?  The other night when I g…

Who Are You?

Each day I sit down and reflect on the odd things that go through my mind. And let me tell you I know they
are odd.  I am not a person that moves steadily through life, I have ups, downs, twists and turns.  I see things through different lenses all the time.  Some days I am upbeat and have those silly rose colored glasses on. Those times I am always seeing things perfectly pink and cheery.  Others I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and those glasses are dark and blurry.  Most days I am pretty even keel with a good out look on life.

Each day I sit here in my cozy overstuffed brown chair with a cup of coffee and a critter or two and I write about whatever happens to have my attention that day.  When my cousin read my first blog she asked me what the focus of my blog was going to be, was I going to teach something new?  Travel and send it out there, or was it going to be a more personal blog.  I didn't know.  I still don't.  Mostly, it is a personal blog, I guess.  Sometime…

This world is spinning faster...

SLOW DOWN!!  That is what I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs lately.  This crazy life of mine feels like it only has one speed fast.  Like the hurrier I go the further behind I get.  It isn't that the things I have been doing aren't important.  All of it feels critical right now, I think that is some of the chaos in my world.

This year there are a total of five graduations scheduled this month.  Last night was the third.  My grandson graduated from the eighth grade.  There are a lot of reasons that it was a last minute decision for me to attend, but I am glad that I did. For two hours I shut out the clambering in my brain, that non-stop to do list simply had to shut up. For two hours I snuggled my little grand daughter and watched everyone around me.

Normally that kind of chaos, noise and level of activity would have had me climbing out of my skin and stressed out.  I don't do well in those situations.  It's a special kind of nuts for me to do something like…

Living in the contrasts

I love contrasts, I am not a shades of gray kind of person.  Bold stark contrasts make life richer and fuller to me.  When I was younger I was often accused of being a black and white person.  At the time, I was hurt and offended by the comment.  Further along in life I find that it wasn't so much of an insult as it was simply an observation.

Take hubby and I for example, we have a tremendous amount of things in common.  We like the same foods, we like the outdoors, we have so much in common that it might seem we are one and the same.  We are as different as night and day and I love it.  I am reserved, usually the quieter one in the group, I prefer to be unnoticed, I like being another face in the crowd.  I am a background kind of person.  Hubby is the life of the party, he stands out, loves to be recognized and celebrated, he is definitely the accent to the plain.  Because of this we compliment each other and fit perfectly.

My dogs are contrasts, although that was not intentional…

All are precious...

I keep thinking about the beautiful dog I saw lying dead in the brush along the highway driving home yesterday.  My heart broke, it was along a stretch of road that often has "discarded" pups roaming in packs.  It makes me angry.  That sweet pup is now playing along the Rainbow Bridge, its suffering is now over.  I am angry that people are heartless and uncaring.

A long time ago, in seventh grade, I first heard the comment that you can tell a lot about a person from the way they treat an animal.  At the time it was referring to a young man that I went to school with.  He was a loner, didn't have many friends and had a particularly gruesome habit of throwing cats he found up against the electric fence surrounding one of the compounds on base. His name was Tom, I can't remember his last name, but I can still remember his face.  I have often wondered what became of him, did he ever find love and compassion or did he truly grow up to be a horrible person.

I know there is…

A change will do you good...

It was a wonderful four days away from my "normal" world, it was just as busy and crazy but in a completely different way.

When I arrived home last night, my world immediately fell back into it's "normal" routine. Sort of.

This morning, I am curled up in my big overstuffed chair, the sun is coming up behind me through my stained glass.  I have a big cup of "my" coffee and my laptop.  My boys are basking in the sun and I have already put more of the things away from my son's temporary move home. It's Monday and I get to slowly start my LONG week.

As I was pouring my coffee this morning, I realized that in a lot of ways my life has a routine to it.  It's a pleasant one, it flows and it meets my needs.  We will make some adjustments to our "normal", so that it fits the young man's world a bit better.  In the end it will simply be an enhanced version of what is normal for us.

I picture an old time cog wheel or the internal workin…

Graduation and Mother's Day Weekend... what a great combination!

This Momma is very proud of her kiddo's!

Yesterday my youngest graduated from University of Illinois Urbana/Champaign.  For four years we have been driving back and forth to support all of his efforts.  For four years he's been focused and driven.  For four years I worried that he wasn't making enough time for play, that he wasn't creating friendships that would last a lifetime, that he wasn't making time to laugh.

All my fears were put to rest yesterday.  He didn't want to participate in the ceremony, I didn't think it was important enough to push him to do so. Instead we spent the day going to his favorite spots, taking pictures and soaking up the memories of four years. Having Papa Del's Pizza and ordering Chinese take out from his favorite place.  Sitting on the floor of his first apartment laughing and enjoying dinner! Packing him up to move forward with life...

 He and I waited outside of physics hall for his friends, pictures were to happen wit…

It's been a Whirlwind!

Well I guess yesterday literally was!

I started walking at 8:45 a.m., I didn't stop at all until 12:30 p.m. and then only for thirty minutes.  I finally stopped walking/running at 1:55 p.m. At which time my legs were shaking and I was pretty sure that I was going to collapse.  I haven't walked that much since I was in Germany last year. 

I felt guilty.  I was still having mixed feelings about Chicago when I wrote on Thursday and so many folks let me know I was missing the best parts of Chicago. I was feeling lousy about maybe harshly judging a city that evidently had far more to offer than I had discovered on Thursday that I set out to find out what I had missed.

I am now willing to say... Wow!  I might have been a bit premature in my assessment.  I ended up taking over 225 pictures and walked over 10 miles around downtown Chicago.  Mostly inside the Loop, but also including Millennium Park, the water front, Chicago Riverwalk, and a bit of Michigan Ave.  I saw the Future Maggi…