Monday, May 27, 2013

aaannnnnddddd... Breathe!

Stop and smell the roses....
Shortly before eleven this morning the crazy chaos of May came to an abrupt end. The last car door shut, the silence rapidly enveloped my daughter's house.  And it all just stopped.  Graduations finished, travels and long weeks over, parties and holidays done.

Hubby and Son start watching a movie, grand baby turns on cartoons, I get a glass of water and curl up with grand baby while visiting with daughter who is back to painting.  The stillness invites the slow down. The quiet activities with no where to go nothing to do, lead to a special peace and calm.

I am tired.  It was wonderful to participate in all these things, it was great to see family. Remarkable to celebrate the accomplishments of so many young people in our family. And through it all ... I am simply tired! My legs are sore, my brain is numb, my exhaustion is complete.  This is the furthest I have pushed myself in a very, very long time. I feel it in every fiber of my being.

By three this afternoon, we've dropped off  a grand son.  Hubby, son and I are home.  In the disaster that is my kitchen, left over from weeks of rushing in and out, I slowly, leisurely start making our dinner.  Tidying a bit here and there as I go.  I am taking my time.  I can feel the stress seeping out of my pores.  I can feel the joy of preparing a meal for loved ones without a pressing need to hurry. 

I take my time.  I am text messaging my daughter, sharing little snippets of life.  We are watching the storm approaching wondering which of us will get hit first.  She is 40 minutes west of me, it's gonna be her first now, maybe... we wait to see... Hubby is down in his man cave I can hear him laughing as he watches old Carol Burnett Bloopers thanks to the wonder of the internet.  Son is in his room, chatting with friends around the world, enjoying his time regrouping.

I like the peace of today, it seemed so rushed, high pressure, upsetting this morning.  Rushing to be sure everyone had their needs met.  I wanted to cry, I felt like I was in a pressure cooker. I might be the oldest, I rarely try to be the one in charge.  In a family of strong women, it is not worth the price.  I was feeling the pressure of that today. 

As the thunderstorms rolled in, all of it washed away.  I stopped, I took a deep breath, I simply decided to be done.  I let each clap of thunder, each bolt of lightning work it's magic.  Like a deep muscle massage pushing and prodding at all of the spots that need release.  As the winds gathered, whistling and bending trees I could feel the month slipping into memories...

Made the time to watch a movie from 1946 with hubby, I was shocked that it lasted three hours, but it was a good story and held my attention. 

It feels like I have been holding my breath for a month... today I simply get to breathe!