when you calm down...

I'm not as fired up today, well maybe I am, but I am too tired to expend much energy on it.  Today my eyes are as heavy as the rain clouds out back.  Not much uninterrupted sleep and it wasn't even my thoughts keeping me awake. 

It was puppies. 

Evidently just as I feel into a deep sleep last night they decided to sing (BARK) for attention, I didn't hear them but Dad sure did.  He came down and tried to calm them, thinking they wanted to go outside or that there was deer or something outside making noise.  He never figured it out, because he left the gate to the stairs open and they rushed upstairs and climbed into bed on top of Mom.  They absolutely refused to leave and proceeded to snuggle up for the night.  

I hope it was a one night thing.  I enjoy stretching out and sleeping until I feel like waking up.  Not worrying all night that they will wake up and get into something or leave me a surprise to step in when I climb out of bed. Although it was awfully sweet to wake up to puppy paws softly reaching out and a warm ball of fur snuggled up feeling safe and cozy. They quit barking as soon as they were back with Mom. This could be the start of something I wasn't ready for.  

I wanted to wait until after their spay and neuter appointment in May, before allowing them to sleep out of their kennels.  Keeping them calm in their kennels is a whole lot easier, especially since they shouldn't climb stairs.  Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  

I know they didn't sleep incredibly well either since they are already drifting back to sleep this morning.  I'd like to, but I am a bit behind on my chores and I want to finish the quilt today. Since Hubs has a virtual meeting this morning and I can't be down on my longarm while he's trying to hear, I figure I will use that time to clean up, mop floors (again... puppies), make their food and some treats.  By the time he's finished with his meeting, I should be finished with my chores.  Then... it's play time!

I learned yesterday that when you step away from a challenge for long enough, when you process everything that potentially caused the problems in the first place and you ask the universe for help... well it seems the planets align and magic happens.  

After I ranted and raved yesterday, I felt I needed a serious social media break, I needed to step away from society entirely and loose myself in my own thoughts.  So I headed down to my quilting space and decided I was finally going to tackle unquilting that darn quilt.  It's for special friends and it was really making me frustrated that nothing was working for me. So turned on a podcast for distraction, and to mute out the cuss words I knew were going to spew forth and started to work. I do not for the life of me understand why it was so simple, why the unquilting happened as smoothly as the original quilting had gone in, but suddenly it did. 

After probably 20 hours total of trying to get those darn stitches out, in less than three hours they were all removed.  The loose threads were tidied and it was ready to be quilted.  I have to admit I was in heaven.  The first quarter row showed me that the tension was still wrong and had to be ripped out again.  In my frustration I simply turned the knob - no idea if it was even going the right direction at that point, I just took a darn leap of faith.  Stopped and ripped out stitches and started over. To my utter amazement after trying so hard in January to get the tension right, after pulling out over 24 inches of stitches (width of quilt) my frustration had finally gotten it where it needed to be.  The stitches were perfect!

My babies hung out with me, even suckering me to letting them out back for a minute or two.  Beau wanted to go explore, at least Belle stayed close. I can't wait for the fence to be installed, it will be a total game changer. 

When I finally stopped for the night, I'd been quilting for about four hours, I am so close to being done.  I probably would have finished yesterday, but I literally stopped every foot or so of quilting to check the stitches.  If you have ever unquilted a quilt you will totally understand the fear was real. If not, thank your lucky stars. 

I am finishing that quilt today.  It isn't even up for negotiation.  I want to deliver it before the week is out.  My dear friends have been incredibly patient waiting for their Christmas present.  And I couldn't be more grateful.  Sometimes you simply have to walk away from something that has your heart and mind swirling until you can approach it calmly.  I feel the same way about "that sweater".  I simply had to put it away for a bit.  I will start working on it again when I am calm and ready to deal with the mess that it currently is. Or I will frog it and use the yarn for another project where I will love it, because I am not loving it. 

I guess that is kind of how I felt yesterday, my frustration with our world was off the charts.  I know there is nothing I can do in the current moment in time to impact any of it, so I knew that I needed to step away. I think I will be doing a lot of stepping away for a bit.  I am going to focus on things I can impact at the current moment, I don't do well with feeling helpless - I mean I am a Leo after all.  We do tend to want to be in control of things around us.  

I also feel like Mother Nature is telling me to calm down and cool my jets, it's going to be cool and rainy for at least the next week or so.  Seems March is trying to go out as a lion.  It's perfect for me to focus on my own little space.  And with the new moon coming on April 1, it is the perfect time for me to "get my house in order" before it arrives.  She's encouraging me to get all of my chores done before the camping season begins and I don't want to do any of them. A gal has to have priorities right?

It's time to get started doing life... Maybe tomorrow will include a picture of a quilt...

love and peace... 

frustration...

When I had my knee replaced I took up a new hobby, it's called contacting the insurance company weekly.  I followed everything the doctors office requested.  EVERYTHING! I even postponed surgery to make it easier and less complicated on their billing department.  None of the other medical departments connected with my surgery had any challenges getting things processed correctly.  But the surgeon's office... Oh my goodness!!  

I can tell you how long the pause is between the sections of elevator music they play when you are on hold.  I can officially tell you that our healthcare system is completely jacked up and that I am beyond over it all. The insurance company is not refusing to pay, they simply need the doctors office to submit the bill correctly.  Instead, the woman at Docs office simply sent me a bill for the entire amount and told me if I didn't want to personally pay it, I could sit on hold with the insurance company, because she was done with wasting her time and it was my responsibility to either correct it or pay it, she didn't care. 

Mind you, she has been the one that directed how everything should happen in the first place and didn't do her job correctly from the start.  But sure, let me clean up this mess for you, I don't mind wasting an hour or two per week to get you paid so that you don't have to do your job. 

Yes, I am a bit testy.  Especially when I keep getting snapped on by this woman when I call to give her an update, well if she is even there.  The last three times I've called she hasn't been available. 

I will admit that I am sitting her with tears in my eyes right now, trying not to get too excited, but it is highly possible that I have finally completed my newest hobby.  They have given me that assurance before and it's fallen through, but today they actually said the words that it has been processed finally.  I will be so over the moon if I no longer have to deal with this. If I can finally mark it off my weekly to do list. 

Insurance companies dictate your services, Doctors offices are over crowded, hospitals are raising rates and dropping service levels... it's only getting worse and worse and please, please, please do not try to tell me it's all because of the pandemic.  It's not.  Although it does feel that people are constantly using that as an excuse for doing and being less than. 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely benefit from my new knee.  I also benefit from having good insurance and at no point do I mind helping anyone with anything.  I simply do no understand why she couldn't do her own job. I don't work for the doctors office, yet it is my persistence that will lead to them finally getting paid. And ironically, she is still not available for the information.  It's exhausting. 

It's no different than when I go to the grocery store and my only option is wait for the single cashier for an extended length of time because no one wants to self-checkout, or I self-checkout.  I am not your employee, if me doing your job saves you money, then how about you offer an "employee" discount at those self-checkout lines? Make it worth my aggravation to use your system, that I was never trained to use, to check myself out.

Geez, I guess it is definitely feisty Monday for me. I didn't wake up in a feisty mood, I promise... well actually I think I just woke up in a tired mood.  Didn't sleep well last night, had to get up early because I never did get Hubs haircut done last night, so I am a bit weary.  

But the mood has more to do with my time not being respected as valuable, it has to do with people that are disrespectful and cranky.  Some folks never learned you catch more flies with honey. 

Hopefully, this is the final call I will have to make.  Hopefully this is the last time I will sit on hold with the insurance company. Now its time to tackle the rest of my to do list. Even retired there are still many things that require time and attention to details, not everything sadly can wait until the next day or a later time.

I sure don't want to sound like my folks did to me when life started changing around them, and not through the lens of progress.  I'm sure they felt the same about their folks view on changes also.  It's almost a rite of passage.  And this old fashioned girl does not want life to move rapidly in such an unfriendly and unwelcoming manner. 

I try to always put others first, I try to always treat them with kindness and grace, I don't really want to be part of a society that doesn't do that any longer.  Where you are shoved off to deal automated systems, people that are burned out and don't like their career paths and it shows, sent to webpages to look for information that may or may not be there instead of being able to pick up a phone and call for answers. 

I am not always sure that life has changed for the better... I'm trying to see it though... I promise!

For now, I think I am going to enjoy the on hold music from the County Assessors office, a cup of hot coffee and work on unknitting my sweater (went 10 rows too far on the wrong pattern...) and looking out the window at the young bucks that are wandering around in the snow out back. I need a mental reset today!  Pups and I definitely need to find a park path to wander!

love and peace...

power of a moment...

Anyone else have a rough night of sleep or lack thereof?  I sure did.  Sleep seemed to want to escape me all night long. Didn't get to sleep until well after 10 pm, which for me is the middle of the night. And then I was awake literally almost every hour.  I finally gave up and stayed awake at 4:30 am, I didn't get out of bed, I was still hopeful, but dang... what a long restless night. 

I feel like I have been rushing and frazzled since opening my eyes.  Hubs was up at 3:30 am as usual, so it was the middle of his morning when I finally came downstairs and he was ready for his breakfast.  I just wanted coffee.  I've been dealing with a mild, nagging headache for a while now, I know it's related to the season change (happens every season change), but that combined with a sleepless night has left me a touch on the fussy side. 

I needed Hubs help to load the quilt on the longarm so I had to get with it earlier than I was ready.  He's off to work, my coffee is cold, but I need to stop and reset before I start quilting.  I deeply appreciated the help, I just wasn't ready to human yet. Not sure I am ready yet. 

The best part of the morning was the sunrise that I almost missed.  My photo's don't even remotely do justice to the deep vibrant orange red that filled the entire sky this morning.  It was breathtaking the way it highlighted the brilliant colors of the leaves without even a splash of blue showing.  It was a blessing that I am focusing on as I get ready to move forward with my day.  I am definitely a chaser of sunrises as we all know. 

I didn't manage to get all of my work done yesterday.  The gardens are still in dire need of attention, and a few other minor things didn't get addressed.  I got busy with other things on my list, they took longer than I planned.  It's all good. Our afternoon walk along the river was so beautiful to look at, but the gnats were very annoying and led us to decide to not walk there until it is far colder. 

As I stopped to reload my day, to reset my expectations and where I wanted this day to go I have calmed deep inside.  The headache is still lingering, but the heart is in the right place. I browsed the book for a few minutes.  Looking to see if there are any new recipes that I definitely want to try, pictures of family and friends or inspiring ideas.  I manage my newsfeed pretty intensely and only allow things that are going to lift me up and add to my life.  Today was a small gold mine of positive life enhancing goodies. 

My favorite was a post by a friend, I barely know her outside of the book, I used to see her a long time ago at one of my old Y's, but its been years.  Anyhow, she shared an idea that I am absolutely in love with!  She asked for Christmas cards from her friends for Christmas this year, but not just any old card... a card that contains your favorite recipe.  I love this idea.  I love it more when I think about the connecting of community that it brings.  I love the idea of receiving a handwritten recipe card from all of my family and friends.  I will be buying a stack of index cards and starting to write mine out. 

For Christmas I would like Christmas cards. I want your favorite recipe written inside the card. Even if we hardly talk. Message me for my address if you don't have it. I would gladly send you one also if you would like! How nice it would be to have my mailbox flooded with Christmas cards. I'd love to have the recipe on an index card so I can add it to my recipe box. Oh and make sure you sign it please.

Love this idea! Stolen from a friend.

What a treasure.  Stop for a moment and think about it.  It gives you greater insight into the things that person likes, it could be an heirloom recipe that Gramma made a lifetime ago, or you might find a new favorite of your own.  These are time tested recipes.  I remember long ago when you graduated, got a home or got married you would get recipes from your family.  Somehow that quaint little tradition has died away.  Probably about the time that dining out became the norm, not the special occasion event that it used to be.

I am diving deeper and deeper into sustainability, into being able to walk your own walk, and not worrying about things on that superficial level that led to the panic toilet paper buying last year.  And this idea fits right in with the way my brain and heart are heading. 

I want to be part of a stronger community.  I want to have the connections and the depth of relationships that will enable all of us to weather any storm or calmness that comes our way.  I want to know the people that are integral in my life on a deep enough level that I know what they like to eat, drink, do in their spare time.  I want to know how we can support and lift one another up. 

It's silly how a small idea like has flipped my day.  Has me looking forward to writing all of the recipes out and starting on my Christmas card list.  I have no idea what a stamp costs the days.  I have a bunch of forever stamps in the house currently, heck I even have boxes of cards as I often buy them with the intention of sending them out and then life would get in the way and... boom no cards sent, idea put aside for the following year. 

I am adding it to my calendar for the week of Thanksgiving. When I plan to put up my tree this year and start getting boxes ready to mail full of gifts.  My youngest lives on the coast, and frankly the mail has me a touch concerned. 

I can't wait to see the next brilliant idea that will bring us all closer together.  Forever ago a dear friend wrote in one of my year books... if distance were measured in smiles, not miles all the friends would be together in this world... This was years before computers and even more years before email, instant messaging or social media.  I'm not sure if that friend was able to see the future or just a bigger optimist than I am.  But how prophetic can you get.  Miles don't really separate us any longer, we are able to talk, see and communicate on a moment's notice.  The weeks of waiting for a letter and then weeks more waiting for them to get yours and reply are things of the long forgotten past. 

Well... Hubs put on some old country music for me, the quilt is loaded, my calm is back it's time to get busy.  Time to get lost in the rhythm of sewing and daydreaming what recipes I am going to share with the people that mean the most to me!

peace and love my friends...