in the darkness...

d I gave up sleeping about an hour ago. 

I just had too much on my mind. 

I'm currently faced with a task that falls into my least favorite category.  I know in my heart I am creating my own mental blocks and allowing other things to get in the way of completing the task.  I mean, I am writing a blog post before 5 am to avoid it. 

I know it is what stole my sleep. I know that even my sub-conscious is chatting with me about it.  I simply don't want to engage. I can see the open tab, even as I'm writing this.  It's lurking there, mocking me.  It's truly soul sucking. Thank goodness that silly tab cannot blink on it's own, I am sure it would if it could.

Instead I am sitting here, hearing echo's from the man cave, Hubs evidently woke up early too. 

I also freaked myself out trying to figure out what the odd scratching sound coming from the corner of the dark room was.  I am not like Hubs, I don't turn on lights often.  I enjoy the calming effect from the d…

creating peace

I love a productive day.

Sweet Hubs is down in his recliner, where he's been most of the day.  He ran out of muscle relaxers and his arm feels like it is on fire.  I'm hoping the chiropractor can give him some relief soon.  He's only had one of 3 months worth of needed treatment. So I am guessing hoping for a miracle at this point might be a bit premature.  Hopefully our GP can give him another prescription for the muscle relaxers.  While they didn't fix it, they definitely seemed to make it tolerable. 

I haven't bugged him much today, because just like everyone else, when he's in pain he's a bit of a bear. After writing this morning, I decided to step away from electronics.  I could have done hours worth of work.  Either professional or personal.  I decided to feed my creative soul instead.

I am feeling worn out from the negativity that seems to be everywhere.  Weary from all the people that cannot just be happy.  I've been dealing with too much of it…

a lazy Sunday...

Good morning!  It's not a pleasant one outside today, so I feel strongly that I am going to stay inside and get a few things done.

Hubs and I tried to take the boys for their morning walk and literally slide off the sidewalk.  They weren't digging it either.  It's odd, it looks fine, just a light dusting.  Unfortunately, that dusting is ice.  So a short slide down the hill and we are all inside and staying put.  From the sounds outside it seems like most everyone agrees with us.  The only vehicle we've even heard is the snow plow, laying down layers of salt. I'd love to salt the walk and drive, but I won't.  I don't like it on the boys feet.  It hurts them.

Tomorrow will be warmer, so I've decided that it is God's way of saying "stay home and rest".  I haven't done that in a bit and I am starting to feel the effects. Yesterday after work I simply stopped. I can't remember the last time I curled up in a blanket and just sat.  Much …


It's crazy quiet in here. 

My eye glass case snapping shut feels almost obscene. 

Occasionally my cell phone vibrates a silent message, I haven't told anyone that I was arriving early.

I wanted a moment to myself.  In the quiet.

I left the Lou early today. Quick breakfast with Hubs, needed to be sure he was feeling okay before I left.  It was a hard decision to leave him knowing he's hurting so badly.  But it was harder to stay away.

Dad's been in the hospital for a week.  They decided yesterday that they were going to operate. If Grumpy Gus doesn't decide they aren't.  The doc feels pretty okay about the procedure, but told us girls if it was his dad he'd be here before the surgery.

I grabbed a few snacks and drinks, Hubs gassed up my little car and I was ready to head south.

Luckily I had a conference call to make and loose ends to tie up as I drove the first hundred miles or so. I didn't have to be with myself. My thoughts didn't get to shout in …

finding grace...

There is an older country song... it has a line in it "what a day yesterday was"... it is referring to a wonderful yesterday full of love, hope and dreams. 
"Yesterday" for me was definitely filled with stress, chaos and unhappiness. But what a day it was!
I woke up to my alarm going off at 5 am, just like it does most days.  I'd finally had a full night's sleep and was really feeling ready to tackle the world. The linger effects of the sinus infection had cleared up for the most part. I'd finally had a long rest without worry or stress.  It seemed like it was going to be a darn good day as I lingered in bed snuggling my little old baby boy, thankful for another morning of his being beside me.  Knowing the morning is going to come when it's a memory. 
The bliss ended rather abruptly. 
Hubs came upstairs, he'd been awake for a bit, with the news that the pain was more severe, in his shoulder and running all the way down his arm.  Accompanied by t…


Soft snores.

Beeping alarms.
Scurrying feet shuffling just beyond the closed curtain. 

That was about 18 of my last 24 hours.

Hubs was having some problems.  Mostly self-inflicted.  We are only given one body and we really do need to at least try to take care of it.

Luckily we came away from this scare with just a few medications and mostly lifestyle changes.

When I got the text message that involved words like ambulance, something on the EKG, the first reaction was fear.  I love that crazy fool and that is not the text that I want to receive following a lunch time phone call:

Hubs: I'm having some chest pain I think I'm gonna get a doc appointment.

Me: I can come out and meet you.

Hubs: No, it's not that bad, just figured I should get it checked out.

What?  That is not how any text message should come.

Almost 4 hours in the most HORRIBLE ER that we have ever been in, totally a repeat experience from several years ago.  I desperately try to avoid that hospital for that ver…

and it's over for now...

And just like that, in what seemed like the blink of an eye the magical trappings of Christmas vanished.  This morning the tree still glittered bright, the lights at the mantel still charmed and the magic of having my babies and both my grand babies home for Christmas seemed to have only been a moment ago.

Sitting here in the stillness, with no colored lights and the everything "normal", I realize that it's been a few weeks since my youngest and his sweetie headed back west.  They are back living their lives, in fact tomorrow is my youngest babies birthday.  I wish I was there to celebrate with him.  Instead I will go to work and it will be just another day.

I haven't even spent much time with the oldest.  Although we did go to the Ice Festival yesterday. Despite being freezing, it was great fun and I was in awe of the skill of the ice carvers. I can't even imagine trying to carve ice.  The cold factor alone pretty much guarantees I will not even try.

I finally …