Do you remember when you were small. Think back as far as you can. I remember my grandma always having white hair. For as far back as I can remember she was the stereotypical Grammie. I remember hearing that someone was a Grandma or that they were in their 50's and thinking wow... that is ancient. When you are little, that seems too far away to comprehend.
I remember hating turning 25, I mean a quarter of a century old. Man, it felt like a death sentence.
The 30's didn't bother me much. They simply were. There was trauma and sadness and immense joy. They were years of great transition and change, but age had stopped being something I thought about. For a moment - I mourned that there would be no more babies, I'd always dreamed of having more. But that was simply for a moment, I rapidly fell in love with grown up life. And after all fifty seemed forever away.
I mean wasn't fifty supposed to be when the world shifted and changed?
The forties flew past in a blur. Hubs and I were busy raising our family, working our jobs and living life. Age never occurred.
Well at least not to me. Hubs has been telling me how old he is since we first met. I have always basically considered it a number assigned to us by the calendar. And that you are only as old as you believe you are... well at least since I survived that dreaded 25th year.
My health has been up and down over the years. I've had years that I've hated, pain that felt it was never going to end. During those times, I truly did feel older than my calendar assigned years.
But standing there drying my hair, marveling at the beauty of the silver in it, it struck me that the 50's have been pretty darn decent, and as I move to the half way point of this decade, I realize... I'm not even close to being that "old Grammie" that I thought for sure my sweet Grammie was.
I cherish being a Grandma. One of the greatest things to happen to me. I simply don't feel old.
When I am challenging myself to walk the long miles that I am, I find myself wondering if my Grammie ever walked just for the joy of having time that belonged only to her.
Here, smack dab in the middle of this glorious decade. I feel like I have finally found me. Age is just a number. It doesn't matter.
Today, Hubs and I took Neeko for a walk at his favorite park. We are trying to make it a Saturday morning ritual to brighten his last months or years, whatever we get with him. We hadn't gotten Hubs his new walking shoes yet and his old ones hurt his feet. So he was walking just as slowly as our sweet old boy. The deer were hiding in the woods, peeking out at us and watching Neeko with some concern on their little adorable faces. Neek's missed them or he would have considered rushing after them. Unlike last week, when he said I could walk without them, the guilt was gone. I was ready to stretch out my legs and go.
So much so that I walked the 3-ish miles home from the park, while Hubs drove Neeko home. I definitely did not remember that hill being as steep as it is when you first start up it! I'm working on my second "race" against myself. No one else is needed for me to push myself hard!
Last Monday I finished my first 50.6 miles with Yes.Fit. I need those rewards I decided. Because all week I have been checking to see when am I going to get my shirt, fyi - it arrived today!! The sense of accomplishment was overwhelming for me.
|Ignore the smile... was humoring Hubs|
I might have tricked Hubs a bit to get him walking. I took him to get his new walking shoes today, I think we've found some he will truly love. And that will help his feet, legs and hips as we clock to the miles together. He has to work up to where I am, but he's working on it. After we hit the last farmer's market of the season outside at Tower Grove Park, I suggested it was a beautiful day to hit the zoo. I mean it's hard to not have a great walk there!
We have a breathtakingly beautiful zoo. I'm always torn between the thoughts of what's it's like to live in captivity and the fact that our zoo does so much to help keep so many species from going extinct. It's beautiful, the habitats are well thought out, and just the walking paths alone make it incredible! It's full of rolling hills, twists and turns. So much to see and do. Enough places to stop and rest. It's perfect. Hard to believe it lives right in the middle of this vast urban landscape that is St. Louis.
We both love the zoo, so it was perfect. It was just warm enough to ward off the need to have heavy coats and mittens. But cool enough that you were not miserable and it was not crowded. It was the perfect afternoon.
I'm sitting here now, more convinced than ever that age is simply a number. If I didn't see the silver in my hair (mind you it's been there since I was 17 - it has just brought friends) and the slight wrinkles starting to form at my eyes. I am still the young woman at heart that didn't want to be 25. I still wear my vans in fun designs. My heart still longs to turn the occasional cartwheel, but my mind is smart enough to remind it, that I am not as coordinated as I once was and that could lead to broken bones - for myself or the person that I land on.
The only difference I am finding is that here in this decade of time. I am filled with peace and contentment. I love most everything about my life. I have a husband that reminds me daily that I am loved and who accepts me as I am. And anyone that knows me, knows that I am quirky and unique at the best of times. I am unconventional, yes that was me in a dress on the treadmill yesterday, and I am pretty sure that my drummer has given up and is simply letting me march to the offbeat tunes that rattle through my brain.
I'm enjoying life. I feel like I am finally trying to live my best life. And nope... 54 is definitely not old... in fact... it feels pretty darn young most days!