because I can...

As the coffee cooled in my cup, I stood in the garage with Hubs.  The day started with heavy rain, not the kind that the boys were even remotely going to consider walking in.  Me either for that matter.

The kind of fall morning where you can stand and let the scents soak into your very being.  Not cold, not hot, simply a fall morning.  The colors are starting to get crazy beautiful and without the rain it would have been the perfect day for a ride to look at the colors.

Instead, we sipped coffee, Hubs enjoyed his cigar and we slowly started the day.

I came inside sooner than Hubs did.  Fall is when I want to create.  I'd ordered some soap bases and have really wanted to try my hand at cold process soaps.  I started with hot process. Oddly I always seem to be attracted to the more difficult way to do things first.

Seems no one ever tells me until after the fact that I have selected the more difficult pattern, style, recipe etc. And my brain simply decides the easier way is the mo…

down time...

It's the end of the day, tomorrow a new and busy week will start.

I'm sitting here in the dark. Savoring the memory of a day well spent. Sipping a hot cup of tea.

I found a new tea "shop" today at the South County YMCA's Arts and Crafts fair.  I love supporting local people.  I enjoy buying gifts and things for my home from people where it will make a difference. Each of the people I supported will have a bit more in their personal budget.  Maybe they were raising Christmas money, or just a bit extra to make a difference for their families.

Not that it doesn't make a difference when I go to the mall or a big box store.  Teavanna is all well and fine, but honestly, it's over priced and it's a "big box" store.  Besides that I can't ever duplicate the flavor of the tea they serve me. EVER!  I have spent way too much money buying from them for it to sit on a shelf and get stale as I try to figure out what I am doing wrong.  Meeting the own…

damaged goods

While chatting with Hubs this morning at breakfast a ghost of my past came roaring back to life.  The event had absolutely nothing to do with Hubs, it was long before him.  The conversation was innocent and bland - perfect breakfast conversation - I mean after all who wants to solve world peace before their third cup of coffee.

I don't know what made it snap to the forefront of my mind.  Honestly, it was something that I thought was dead and buried almost 20 years ago now (Did I seriously just say 20?  Wow time flies).  It was another lifetime.  It left a lot of scars, most of which I thought had healed.

Needless to say, as I clumsily tried to explain to Hubs why it was bothering me, I in turn ripped off a long scabbed over wound of his.  Also inflicted by someone else more than 20 years ago. As I watched the red rim his eyes and his jaw lock, I knew I'd hit that wound dead on.

Now, as I said, I also had wounds, and for a bit, I was stubborn.  I didn't apologize.  My fee…

To Be...

Good morning!!  The sun is just now starting to cut through fog that was hanging around for the second day, yesterday it felt like a heavy winter quilt.

I'm sitting at the kitchen island, pretty sure it's my favorite spot, looking out the window.  Yesterday it was sparkling like diamonds.  Bright sunlight breaking through the fog, making the mist sparkle like diamonds sprinkled all over the beautiful changing colors.

I am totally a fall girl!  I decided I needed a few days for me.  A chance to balance things.  A chance to reconnect with my home, my family, and me.  My personal "to-do" list.

As I was getting ready to write this morning, I was cleaning up my personal email account in between semi-tidying my kitchen.  I have started following Jay Shetty.  I like his take on life. I like the positive glow that he brings into a world that seems to be moving more and more into a dark place.

Today's quote that caught my eye... "Make your To-Be list, not your To-…


I'm exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

My candle has been being burnt in multiple spots for a while now and my FMS is starting to feel it. My brain is starting to feel fuzzy, my mind is feeling numb, my muscles are starting to scream at life.

I know that if I could simply find/make time to walk the pains would eventually subside, but my weariness is overwhelming lately.  Each minute that I can sleep feels like a precious gift from God.

Stress is my enemy.  I know it is the biggest cause of flares. And for over a month now the entire city of St. Louis has been a powder keg of stress.

If this small but determined group of people is intent on being heard, I think they are doing that. Now I just wish the message made sense.  I wish that I could fully understand and that there was a path and plan out of the darkness. One of my B's keeps trying to help me understand my adopted home.  It's idiosyncrasies, the under currents, the root of the problem so to speak.

I am still stru…

both sides...

My heart is hurting.  I'm tired.  I am worn.

I tried to write yesterday.  But I couldn't.  I was angry.  I was simply tired of snappy people.  Youngsters that presume they know everything and show no compassion for anyone that is not connected to their cause that the are fired up and passionate about.

I was FED UP!  All I could feel was that two wrongs do not make a right. When I read her snippy comment, all I could think was have you given any consideration to others?  The same that you are demanding for the people you are passionate about? The tunnel vision and lack of understanding for everyone.

I read "are you uncomfortable?  Good, it's about time"...  what?  How presumptuous.  That very thought process is what causes the hurt, pain and discomfort that many feel.  Guess what you don't know me, I don't know you.  I don't know what journey you have taken or explored to get where you are - but I am going to guess that as you've just graduated c…

where is fall???

So... would bringing out the boots be sort of like washing your car?  Do you think it would bring back the beautiful cool fall days?  Just like washing your car brings on rain?

The Polly Anna in me has decided that is the case.  For the first time since late spring, I am wearing my ankle boots.  I'm hoping Mother Nature gets the hint.  Because this girl is desperate for fall to finally appear!  I am tired of being hot and uncomfortable!  I can't truly stand the heat.  I seriously without a moments hesitation would move north.  Somewhere with mild temps all summer would be perfect. Because I also happen to love the cold.

As Hubs and I strolled our favorite fall event, The Strange Folk Festival on Saturday, the sweat rolling down our backs and faces made it less than wonderful. It was beautiful, in fact looking at the pictures I took no one would believe that it was actually in excess of 96 out there. It really hindered our enjoyment of the event and our shopping experience.  Al…