until we meet again...

Fifteen years ago, during what felt like the darkest time.  On what would have been my puppy Fred's first birthday, I brought home my Gator. I can still hear the phone message from that long ago machine playing over in my head.  "This is the vet clinic, we got notice that you had applied to adopt Metro, we know that there were 43 people before you on the list, but wanted to tell you about the Basset-Pit, brindle, male that has been waiting for someone to love him for over three months now.  If you want to go look at him, we will stay open until you decide so you can bring him in for a check up."

 I distinctly remember saying we are just going to look, we are NOT bringing him home.

After waiting for what seemed like hours, probably only 30 minutes, the officer came and had us follow her to the dog handling area.  She let him come running to me.  There I was all squatted down low, arms spread wide expecting that little, big ball of fur to stop short.  Cautious.  Unsure of me.  What I was not expecting was that little fireball lunging straight into my arms, landing me flat on my back with all 60 plus pounds of him on my chest, licking me like I was his favorite flavor of ice cream.

I gently scolded him about licking (it freaks me out) and wrapped my arms tightly around that ball of energy that needed a bath. He never licked my face again.  And I never took my arms from around him. 

Until about half an hour ago. 

Just about four and a half years ago, the vet said, he's got cancer and he's too old to operate on.  Take him home and love him.  Cherish every moment and make it count, to bring him back when it was time.  I remember through teary eyes, sobbing and numb at the same time, asking him how will I know when it is time?   His response... He will let you know.

I was fearful this morning, just the way he'd been acting, the staggered, short walk. The refusal to eat his treats.  The look in those beautiful eyes. 

I got the call about an hour before I planned to leave.  I don't even remember what I left sitting on my desk as I grabbed my keys, phone and bag and told my friend that I had to leave.  The panic hadn't set it, but I could feel it.  I was praying that Hubs was just being over cautious again.  I was praying that it wasn't time.  I knew it was.  I've known it was coming I could feel it.  He woke me up super early this morning, usually I am waking him up.  I could hear him walking around, but something wasn't right.

I think I drove home on auto pilot tonight.  As soon as I cleared the door those sweet eyes gazed up at me.  The look told me all I needed to know.  He was waiting for mommy.  I lifted him over to his bed, loved on him for a moment and told him I would be back down in a few moments. 

I knew it was time.

He was letting me know.  I wrapped my baby in a blanket and snuggled him close.  I sat with him to let Neeko say good bye.  I know I was stalling leaving the house. I also know that as rough of a start as he and Neeko had they truly were brothers that loved each other.  Neeks is going to be lost. 

I took my time saying goodbye.   Those last minutes seemed far too short.  I told him how much I loved him and thanked him for loving me unconditionally. At about 5:45 pm I let my baby cross the rainbow bridge.  He was hurting.  He was tired.  I could have been selfish, and Lord knows I wanted to be selfish.  I wanted as much time as I could gather to my heart.  I could have waited a few more hours, holding him close and petting that sweet head.  Stroking the soft fur and talking softly to him.  He was ready to go.  He was tired.  He was letting me know.

I couldn't... that sweet boy was my heart dog.  He was truly my baby.  I could never allow anything to hurt him. He went to sleep softly in my arms.  His eyes gently closed, his heart slowly stopped. I held him until his little paws got cold. And I carefully laid him in the "pet hearse".  Paws Forever will bring him home again to me soon. 

Tonight a loving heart stopped.  He was almost 19.  I was blessed.  Right now... I feel lost.

ever changing...

Life.

Nature.

Beauty and violence all in one. I might get a tad overly emotional where things involving life are concerned.  I understand that I am not a vegetarian and eat meat.  I assure you if I had to kill it myself, I would completely be a vegetarian again.  I guess that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I get it, I own it.

Last night we came home from the annual Lamplighter Gala.  All dressed up from the event, I let Neeko out front for his evening potty break so Hubs could go upstairs.  That disc in his back is wreaking havoc on him and he needed to lay down. 

Our resident momma robin dived bombed our heads as usual when we come out the door.  Turning around to go in my heart stopped and I screamed. 

I hate snakes, its a fear that goes beyond rational.  I've tried to over come it, but just can't seem to do so. There to my side, climbing up the wall in the near darkness was a large black snake - at least two feet long, although woven in and out of my siding he sure looked bigger. 

Momma bird's frantic attempt to save her baby overwhelmed me and for a moment I forgot my fear, grabbed a broom and tried to help her, pulling it away. Unfortunately I'm short  and even wearing heels had to get Hubs. 

Hubs was finally able to get the snake down, but not before it had gulped up the sweet little hatchling. It couldn't have been more than a day old, if that. 

I felt such sorrow for momma robin.  I don't know if she felt it also, I guess it isn't right to ascribe human emotions to animals, but who are we to say they don't have them.

I know that my Gator can display a myriad of emotions when looking at me.  There is rarely doubt as to his wants and needs.

Part of my slowing down journey is savoring walks with the boys. 

They are both seniors, extreme seniors.  For their breeds they should both be gone, given Gator's cancer, he's a flipping miracle.  We've really been watching them slow down over the past six months or so, that twenty minute walk can be over forty now.  There have been many times in the past few months that I have caught myself in my hurry to be busy getting frustrated with the length of the walk.  Instead of having empathy for the old guys, I was fretting about all the stuff that was bogging me down.

I read something, somewhere a while ago that challenged me to remember that their walks were not for me, but for them.  It was their chance to experience life, to move at the speed they wanted and to allow them to savor all that was around.  Because their moments on earth are brief and will be gone in a flash.

I also read a fascinating article yesterday about re-learning the art of lingering. I realized as I was soaking, doctor ordered (how ironic), that I have lost that art.  If I ever had it fully. I remember once being rather catty about my ex and stating "he could relax himself into a coma". The truth was, he knew how to relax and linger and I was too uptight, even then, always has a busy list going.

So this morning Gator and I lingered.  Neeko isn't as much of a lingerer yet.  He's slowed down significantly, but his long legs mean he naturally covers more ground. Gator's strolls wear Neeko out! Hubs had an appointment for his back this morning, so he and Neeks left earlier.  At 18 Gator felt the need to sleep in a bit and then the legs didn't want to coordinate on the stairs, so I helped him down. He usually does great, but one misstep and its a belly slide down.  Today I saw the fear in his big brown eyes as he tried to right himself.  That top heavy pit chest pushing him forward as he tried to sort it out. Nothing stopped him from melting into my arms to be helped down the stairs.

As it was just he and I, we enjoyed his stroll. We didn't got nearly as far as we used to, he gets tired before he reaches the "mountain" (a small hill) that he and Hubs used to love to climb so that he could survey his kingdom.  We had several stops to rest on the way back.  We enjoyed the cool morning.

Needless to say I had plenty of time to observe nature.  The beauty and the brutality. Everywhere I looked there were birds, I see so many beautiful cardinals, mourning doves and sparrows.  There are finches and crows, egrets and so many other's that I cannot identify.  In the distance I heard our owls conversing in the tree tops, probably saying good night as the sun was rising. As I stopped with the old guy I really paused to pay attention.  I was watching tiny birds chasing away the bigger birds with a ferocity that seemed unreal. I watched the calls and courting back and forth. I saw a few birds gathering bugs and worms in the freshly watered lawns, probably taking some of it back to nests.

Walking past one driveway on our spectacular stroll we discovered a LONG half inch wide row of the tiniest black ants.  Busy as can be.  Following the trail we discovered them dismantling a fairly large beetle, lying on it's back flailing it's legs.  They were literally eating it alive. There were thousands of them at the very least, that poor beetle did not stand a chance.  Whatever had caused him to be on his back had lead him to be as vulnerable as the tiny baby bird last night.

Hubs is right, it's a circle of life.  I'm still a bit sensitive to it all. I doubt that I will ever not be.  Truth is, I don't know that I want to.

In fact this slowing down and savoring life... It's good stuff.

I know my boys are on the final leg of their journey's with us.  Three and a half years ago I sobbed when the vet told me that the most I would have with Gator would be three months, that they couldn't operate on his cancer due to his age the risk was too great.  To go home and love him.  So I have. We almost lost Neeks almost two years ago. God knew we weren't done loving them.  I don't know that we will be when they finally leave us to wait at the rainbow bridge. But I do know that I will have savored, lingered, snuggled and enjoyed my sweet babies.

For a nano second I regretted not having my phone handy to take some photos.  Instead I took them with my mind and heart.  I'm re-learning to be present. Not everything needs a picture.  So much of it needs to be felt.

I'm still not happy about the snake.  I understand he just wanted dinner.  But I truly hate snakes.  They make my ever loving skin crawl.  In fact I was shaking for almost an hour last night.  Icky, slimy, slithery things. 

3 am is not people time...

I read a meme yesterday that said that those who are awake at 3 am are creative, artists, actors, geniouses, etc.  I have a different hypothesis.  They are owners of bratty dogs! Because I have been seeing a lot of 3 am's lately.  And they have definitely not involved anything creative, artisitc or even remotely intelligent.

They have involved me staggering to the kitchen to get the dog leash and then trying not to trip over my pj pant legs that are getting too big as I make my way down the hall being herded by a big lug wearing a cone on his head.  By the way those cones HURT!  I'm pretty sure the back of my legs look like I have been beat.

This morning the old guy decided to get in on the middle of the night strolling.  By the time I walked both of them in the front yard, refilled the water dish for Gator as Neeko didn't even leave a drop, and staggered back to the chair that has served as my bed this week... lets just say the ability to go back to sleep was gone.

My knee was simply not enjoying the recliner last night.  And I think I miss sleeping stretched out. No, there is no thinking about it, I completely miss sleeping stretched out.  I cannot wait for Tuesday night.  He gets his staples out and I am fairly sure the stair ban will be over.  I am praying it will be over.  I am so sore.

Right now he's lying in the dining room, where he thinks I can't see him.  Dad took his cone off of him, not sure why, and he keeps turning to lick.  He really is a slow learner. I think he is probably healed well enough, but the thought of any further time in that chair insures that I don't want to take that chance.

I am waiting for Hubs to finish watching his movie.  I am ready to go for a walk, he isn't.  And while I enjoy walking alone, I get bored and will walk further with him.  We need to walk the boys first and then we can go.  I am an inpatient person, I know this.  I also am not a movie person.  So putting anything on hold for a movie, just makes me a bit crazy.  I get it, we all have our own way of de-stressing.  That is his.

I think he wants to go ride in Illinois today.  I don't mind the river road, what I do mind are all the other people.  It's hard enough to trust just one person with your safety when you are a passenger on a motorcycle.  It's worse when there are others that are not being as safe.  I get a bit stressed out.  I want to go over to the Brussels area and then head north, there are a few sites there that are demanding my attention, north of Hardin, so maybe that is where we will head.  Seems to be an archeological site a bit further north. Definitely my kind of day.

I am hoping his ankle is feeling better, because I really would like to get a hike in today.  It doesn't have to be long, but I really want to give these stronger muscles of mine a try.  Or maybe we can take an evening bike ride.  Just something a bit more than we do during the week and a bit different.  I don't like to get bored.

I found a recipe yesterday that I am going to make for our picnic lunch today.  It's a five bean salad.  I am hopeful that it tastes as good as it looks.  I'm planning to make it, chop up some veggies and I found these wonderful little crackers at Trader Joes (have I mentioned how much I love that store?), and of course I think we will need a few small cubes of cheese to go with it.  The more time I am spending making "real" food, the less I want to eat out.  It just doesn't taste as good.

Well, the Hubs is done and the day is calling... Enjoy some beauty today...

"those" people...

Not sure how it happened.  I called Hubs tonight on my way home from a meeting.  He was breathing rather heavily and my first thought was "oh no", in a slightly fear laced moment.  Seconds later it was an entirely different fear.

That turkey was working very hard on beating my step count!

Somehow we are morphing from people that come home, kick off our shoes and veg out.  To being quite competitve with each other. It's already bad enough that my short legs have to work twice as hard, and that his job is not a desk based job.  Those two things I cannot change.

But here he was getting in an extra 2000 steps while I was driving back and forth to work.

He is going to have to win this round.  I'm tired.

And over 16K steps is simply not bad. Especially when battling the sleep deficit of getting up in the middle of the night with the Neeko.

He and I had midnight med's last night.  Each time I see him I am even more amazed.  He still looked poofy and groggy last night, even though his walking was more steady and we got a short walk in.  Because everyone should get a chance to go strolling at midnight in their pj's with a big dog wearing the cone of shame.  Pretty darn amusing I might add.

He's on small meals.  So we are spending a lot of time feeding a very hungry boy little meals.

This morning, it was another change.  Most of the fluid build up is gone, he is looking like our Neeko again. He's wagging with his whole body, and desperately trying to convince us both to slide him a piece of chicken jerky.  Little goof ball.  He simply doesn't care that he has just had major stomach surgery, he can smell chicken!

Over the course of the day between taking the boys for walks and working, Hubs and I have been competing pretty strenously over who is going to have the most steps.  Walking in brutal 94 degrees and hating life.

It's really rather funny... somehow we've become "those" people!

answered..

Listening to the rythmic snoring in the house today, it's so hard to even remotely believe the last few days have even happened.

Gator is curled up on his favorite sofa in the fireplace room.  His snores are the loudest.  The Neeko is finally home, and despite all the work I put into insuring that the front living room was perfect for him to rest and recouperate, he is stretched out in the dining room in his favorite spot.

All I can say is thank goodness for Oxy Clean, because his incision is still leaking quite a bit. And as it's his tummy, there simply isn't a good way to keep that from happening.

Thursday night and most of yesterday were pretty darn stressful.  But that little furball is one tough cookie. He's not even 36 hours post surgery and he all put pulled me out of the vet's office. He'd had enough of their hospitality I guess.

Heck he even removed his own IV this morning.  I am sure that was quite a sight to see.  Determined little poop.

I have to keep an eye on him, he's got a bit of a fever, but they weren't overly worried considering he'd just had major abdominal surgery.  The bigger task is making sure he says calm and still.  We have to give the sutures time to heal, to insure that tummy stays tacked to his ribs and never again flips.

I will admit that for someone that hates to have their face licked, when he rushed in the room today and ran that tongue all the way up my face... I wanted to cry tears of joy.  Every time I've seen him since Thursday night he has been that much better.

I had planned to be at the Veteran's event with Hubs.  BBQ and prizes to raise money for the Veteran's at the Jefferson County Y, reality check is they didn't need me as much as Neeko did.  And I don't regret the decision at all.  I think being home is making him a happy little guy.

He immediately came in, had himself a light lunch and proceeded curl up and nap.  After he marked the entire front yard, absolutely cannot let another dog mark his yard.  Geez!

So while Hubs is out doing something so important, after all he's a Vet himself, I am home catching up.

I've been a bit busy with work and with making time for my workouts, so maybe I haven't been doing an awesome job as a housewife lately.

I figured I'd take the opportunity to catch up while watching our big boy today.  Laundry is almost done. Ironing, not even started. Groceries, purchased and put away.  Dinner, cooking in the crock pot, corn and cauliflower soup - to be served with sauted cod and a salad. Floors swept, vacuumed and mopped, although, I will be doing this one repeatedly over the next few days I am sure.

And for just a moment.  I am resting.

Last night the emotional exhaustion took a firm grip on me and I was sound asleep by 7:30 pm, I just could not function.  Today, I've been rushing around like I have an endless supply of energy.  If my back and feet weren't screaming for a break, I'd still be going strong.

In a few moments I will get back to finishing chores, doing some meal planning for the coming week, and making myself a big chart so I can remember when to give Neeko each of his medications.  It's going to be a bit of a complicated couple of weeks.  And I am fairly certain between hubs and I we are going to be having a lot of choppy days so that he gets all his meds on time.

I'm just enjoying watching the big guy resting peacefully at home.  It has to feel good to be home.  He's a lumpy, bumpy fellow today, they had to insure he had enough fluids in him.  So he's looking a bit like a camel. It will subside and absorb.  Soon he won't look so post surgery puffy.  He will look like our sweet Neeko again.

Thank you all for your prayers.  I am so thankful that God didn't decide it was time for him to cross the rainbow bridge.  We needed more time with him.

rest?

I'm meltingggg... or at least it sure feels that way.  The temperature may only be 75, but I am fairly positive the humidity is well over 90%. Gross!

After coaxing the old guy out for a walk, I decided I would tackle my own walk.  I am determined to make it five times a week minimum.  Maybe that little challenge from my fit-bit is starting to get to me... Every week it reminds me that I didn't quite make it... better luck next week.  Digging into my brain.  Who needs a personal trainer when your electronic devices will scold you continually.  Better question is why am I listening to it!

Even though it was humid and damp out it was peaceful and I was even treated to a visit by three precious little fawns.  They even allowed me a few pictures.  They are fairly brave as they didn't even attempt to run back to where mom was hiding until I was a few feet away on the road.  One of our neighbors was attacked by a mom, so I made sure I kept my distance.  Zoom lenses are great!

Hubs had to be at work for a meeting this morning.  It was supposed to be our last day of vacation together... but life sometimes happens.  I should have left the little old guy in the house this morning when he went for his walk.  It was raining, but I am sure it was much cooler.  Gator isn't about to walk in the rain, so I let him come back inside.  Hubs and Neeko powered through the entire mile and a half in the rain.  Although, Hubs got a reality check.  The Neek's was dragging a bit on the last half mile.  He's almost 10, most days you forget he's such a puppy, but today he sure slowed down on the last bit of the walk.

I'm puttering around the house this morning while he works.  Cleaning out cabinets, doing laundry, planning menu's for the balance of the week, mopping, dusting... wow, sure sounded domestic for a moment there. Sometimes as I am surrounded by a week of dropped bags, mail piles, puppy fur and piles of laundry I feel overwhelmed.  Like somewhere along the line I became a horrible housewife.  The 1950's version of me often clashes with the 2016 version.

Deep inside I long to do things like this all the time 24/7.  I am not sure if it is leftover from growing up or an actual desire.  Then I have a few minutes, and that is all it takes, with my co-workers and our members, and I don't miss it so much.  My natural care-taker introverted self realizes that I thrive with those people. Maybe Hub's extroverted self is rubbing off on me...

Ummm... maybe not.  I am fairly positive that I am never going to be an extrovert.

I might just be enjoying this silence a bit much.  Gator's soft snores punctuated by the fountain in the turtle aquarium sounds like a symphony to my ears.  I cherish this kind of peacefulness.  It helps me recharge.

Tomorrow I will head back to work for two days.  I feel after a break a short week is going to feel pretty nice.  Smooth way to ease back into it. I've had time to unwind and relax, I feel refreshed.

For the balance of today, I am going to focus on the home front.  I might even do a bit of work on a couple of my craft projects.  And I know I am going to do more cooking.  I have to admit my spiralizer that Hubs got me for my birthday (yes I know it was early - but I needed play time, ask him, he'll tell you!) makes it a joy to fix some really yummy meals.  And the fact that they are healthy... bonus!

Well... I feel like I have spent far too much time sitting still... my to do list is simply not going to do itself...

when thoughts wander...

Hubs is on vacation this week.  I took a few days earlier this summer and went to the coast to spend time with the boy and his girl.  Hubs is just hanging out... mourning that the weather is less than promising.  He'd planned to get some serious miles in on the Harley.

Me? I'm taking a few me minutes.  Ironically, it is rather peaceful at work right now and I am catching up on a few million things that I feel like I am behind on.  But for a few quiet, still moments this morning, I'm resting. This crazy weather is wrecking havoc on my poor body.  One day it's 65 the next 95... ahhh summer in the mid-west.

Its deceptive outside.  I didn't look at the thermometer, why disappoint myself.  Inside its a nice 68, that is the temperature my body likes the most. If I am chilled I can always pop on a sweater, but at least I won't hurt. It's clear outside, I wasn't prepared for the oppressive, damp heat that greeted the boys and I as we left for our early morning walk.

We didn't go as far as planned, Gator struggles too much in the heat now.  Normally, I might worry.  But Hubs is home. Providing there are no storms, he will be able to take him out a couple times.  Let him take care of business without getting over heated.

His slowing down is hurting my heart.  He's 15.  He has cancer.  All I can do is love him and fill his bucket list.  You know chicken treats, cuddles, real burger and meat, and yummy frozen custards.  I will be happy if he is still with me a year from now, but each day he's a bit slower, I find myself already bracing for that time. A few extra pictures, a few more minutes sitting with him when he wants to be held, and giving him as much room on the bed as he wants.  Time enough to stretch out later.

Ironically, the big guy is just as elderly for his breed mix.  He will be 10 in November. Although his puppy ways make him seem so much younger. This morning I tried to sneak out the door with him, but he does not know how to be quiet.  If he'd have stopped talking he would have gotten a super long solo walk.  He simply can't help himself.  He is the most talkative dog I have ever had.  He definitely has something to say about everything.  He isn't really barking, it's sort of a series of sounds, howls, yips and I don't know... he really does sound like he's trying to converse, in a very loud little boy voice.  Funny that I always think of him in those terms.  A little boy.  When Hubs was trying to coax me into rescuing him, that is how he first described him.

"Honey, there is the handsome dark haired, dark eyed 3 year old boy, he desperately needs a home.  A mom and dad to love him"... I remember telling him I didn't know if it was a human or a dog, but we didn't need either.  We weren't up to it.

As I step painfully on bits of toys and boy debris every day, I am still wondering if it is a human or dog that rescued us so long ago.  He's awkward, goofy, loving, messy, toy loving, and a total foodie... yep he's a little of both and he is definitely one of our boys.

I don't really feel like facing the world.  I'm enjoying my peaceful little spot with my boys.  Outside these walls, it's the usual summer chaos. And I am sure we say it every year, but I am fairly certain this year is a bit worse.  The violence in the city is getting worse.  A lot worse. I can't even say it is gun violence.  It's just ugly people violence. People are being shot and beaten.  Theft is on the rise.

When I arrive and leave work I drive down streets littered with bodies, they are alive.  Yet the harm they are doing to themselves with drugs and alcohol is unbelievable.  Some times they are lying in the same spot for hours.  Alive, but not.

There is a serious disease spreading in this city, heck this country. I'm not sure what its called, but it is definitely on the rise.  Apathy, disrespect, immoral, destructive and those are just a few of the symptoms. Personal responsibility seems to have flown out the window. Throw money at it, that will make it better. Look away as they are rotting from the inside. Ignorance is bliss isn't it?

One of my dearest friends, heck a part of my family, my heart, is part of the north city community.  I shared her stress and worried this weekend when there was a shooting that left two dead and one possibly dying right outside the store her son operates.  Bullets flying, broad daylight, a holiday weekend.  People shouldn't have to have those worries and fears simply buying soda and a lottery ticket on the holiday.

I was talking to Hubs about it yesterday.  Saying how fearful it made me, how stressed.  Somewhere in the babble, I realized that we are watching "The Godfather" being played out live on our streets.  It wasn't a random punk bored and hot that was shooting at those 3 men.  I've seen the surveillance pictures. White gloves, semi-automatics, 10 shots into the head of an already dead man?  Seriously?  We have gangs in several areas, the girls are getting as out of control as the guys.  It's insane.

Makes me wonder when Momma or Gramma is going to snap.  Slap some kids upside their heads and say "I raised you better than that".  I'm afraid we've gone past that, I'm afraid that we have a generation that raised themselves.  I'm terrified that all these youngsters that all got participation prizes and never feared a spanking by anyone in authority have never learned too many life skills.

I'm afraid.

It would be so easy to stay here locked in my county castle.  Enjoy my day puttering and playing with my boys and Hubs.

But I won't.

I will drive into the city, I will wonder how all those people that make the inane comments on Facebook can say what they say, without ever experiencing it first hand.  I will spend hours with people that are one step away from being that next body lying on the street, hoping we can find something to keep them engaged and inside.  Maybe another cup of coffee or game of pool.  Maybe a conversation about their art. Maybe we get to win another day, maybe the friendly voice they hear will keep them from finding a doorway and doing too much of the newest craze on the street.  Maybe when I get to ask them about their day, their eyes will be clear and they will know we are speaking.

Or that hotheaded young man will decide to blow off his steam and anger shooting hoops. Or that veteran that is fighting his or her own demons inside their head will remember that there are many people that are thankful for them and want to celebrate them.

I fear that the joy I find in my boys is something too many hurting people can't find in anything. That love, compassion, empathy, caring, hope, joy and human kindness are going extinct...

Well, my coffee is cold, my boys are snoozing and I hear Hub's radio.

It's time to shower and head off to work.  Keep the faith!  And find some reason to be filled with mindless, heart-filled love today, share that love with at least one other person... Make a difference.  If all else fails find a pup and share in their love and joy!

savor the moments...

It's definitely a bright, crisp morning!  The sun woke me this morning, that's one of the things I love the most. To sleep until mother nature makes a wake up call.  It's been a long week of short nights, definitely not the makings of a healthy foundation.  It made today's sunrise awakening all the more special.  The full 8 hours sure didn't hurt one bit.

Hubs and I are seriously enjoying a restful weekend.  It's been a bit since we've shared one.  Sure there are tasks that need completed.  Yet here in the sitting room with a crackling fire, the beautiful morning sun highlighting the spring colors outside the big bay windows. I'm feeling so peaceful, that I really do not have any desire at all to even think about them.

Hubs is sitting in my favorite chair with our kitty at his feet, reading a book for work.  The little Snug-bug is sitting contently in the rays from the window.  Gator is curled up on the sofa beside mommy, his head resting softly on my foot.  Neeko seems to be the only one not sure what to do with himself.  He's wandered from the front door, to the rug. to the other sofa and back again.  He seems to be the restless one today.  The only sounds are the aquarium and the crackle of the fire, and the occasional meow as Snug tries to claim a bit more space and attention from Dad.  Hard to believe she is 14 this month, she still looks like a baby kitty.

Yesterday was supposed to be about chores and a long walk somewhere, anywhere... don't forget I've gotten very obsessive about those 10,000 steps.  Things didn't go as planned, but in a most wonderful way! Our girl had initially needed assistance getting our grandson to work, sometimes coordinating multiple kiddo's is a bit too challenging and we love to help her our.  About 20 minutes before we were to pick him up, we found out he had a ride.  The plot twist was... our grand daughter needed picked up instead!

Yippie!  I mean sure. No I really mean YIPPIE!  Time with that princess is one of our absolute favorite things to do! I mean seriously, who would not want to spend quality time with her?  We plugged the address into the GPS and proceeded to head her way.  That darn intersection at Laclede Station Road is simply a mess... and of course we didn't get into the right lane to make our turn and Hubs didn't realize he could make the right turn and end up in the same place.  Ended up not turning at all, and making a turn up the next street.
I feel it was fate.

Just as we turned the corner, there was a yard sale.  Now... I am not a yard sale junkie, I'm not sure why, but it doesn't call to me to dig through other folks belongings.  Odd from someone that loves to upcycle, I know.  Hubs on the other hand, is borderline passionate about it.  I'm looking between the knitting in my hands and the clock on the console, fairly positive that we simply do not have time for this monkey business, as he is carefully parallel parking and getting out the door.

All this looking back and forth has caused me to stitch when I should have slipped and messed up half of a row on the heel of my current pair of socks.  I am very fussy about the heels of my socks.  I want a certain type for wear-ability and comfort.  A mistake cannot be tolerated.  As I start to frog the row and work backwards to the mistake he is rushing out the door to search out the bargains.

My frustration wasn't getting better, I can tell you. I finally get the row re-knit and get out of the car myself. The winds were gusting so hard that I almost lost my balance, my hair was plastered across my face and my temper was starting to really flare.  Reaching up to push my hair out of my eyes so I didn't become road kill, I realize I have a knitting needle behind my ear.  Oh for pity's sake. That was when panic set in.  I'd had a beautiful set of rosewood needles on a trip once and lost one, broke my heart, and here I only had one needle behind my ear.  If I hadn't been so panicked I would have remembered that I needed 3 needles for the part of the sock I was currently working on and the other 3 were on on the dash of the car, but in my panicked stated, all I could remember was that rosewood needle.

As I hurried back to the car, searching frantically on the ground for my missing needle, trying to calm myself that I still had an additional one at home (after the rosewood incident - I've NEVER bought just 4 needles) reaching the car still with only the one stray needle, wind blowing furiously, I was so disheartened.  Opening the door, I felt like a total panicked idiot.  There on the dash were the other three.

Maybe it was the mental kick in the butt that I needed, I'm not sure.  I'm just thankful for the reset.  Rushing up to join Hubs, I see the perfect set of tables.  I fell in love instantly!  I am not a fan of the ones I have in the sitting room.  They work, but they don't fit the decor.  They were only asking $10 each, reasonable. They were solid wood, a bit scratched up and perfect!  My brain was already picking colors!  Even more exciting, they were selling everything at half price!!  And they fit perfectly in the trunk.

As we wiggled them in and got situated to head off, I was so thankful to realize we were just 2 minutes from the girls.

Maplewood had a fabulous coffee crawl going on, we were too late to sign up, but not to late to take three little ladies walking through the quaint shops.  My heart soared when my sweet little one looked up at Improv and saw me standing there, she came flying for a hug, her eyes bright and her smile as big as the Cheshire cat smile she was holding in her hand. Her director told me that she is an incredible little actress and he loves having her in class... but of course she is... and I'm not partial at all.

We found a couple of the cakes that she hadn't had her picture taken with yet, and after some giggles and fun headed back to meet my girl.  We were all going on a lunch date.  Hubs was a bit hungry while we waited so he went and picked up a couple of Strange Donuts to tide everyone over.  Hubs took us to a burger shop he'd discovered and wanted to share.  I feel I will need to try it during the week, because the weekend cook... ehhh not so great.  The company on the other hand was fabulous!

After a fun lunch with my girls and my little girl's besties, Hubs and I were off to run an errand or two.  It was tough to leave such great company! But leave we did. Both of us needed a new pair of shoes.  I bought a pair that should have been great but catering to my then swollen left foot ended up with a bad fit and now I have a strain in the right foot to match the screwy left knee.  This is definitely making the acquisition of those 10,000 steps a painful proposition.

We went to a different Dick's.  As the one by us never has shoes in my size, evidently all of the county wears the same size I do, and according to their sales people they all shop at that particular store (I'm thinking its more likely they need to hire a different person to order their inventory...).  If you need a size 6.5 or smaller that is definitely the place to go!  Anyhow, we both managed to find a pair of shoes, thank goodness!  And just out of curiosity wandered over to the bikes.

We both have bikes, sort of.  In fact we have fabulous bikes.  Except we gave them to the girl to use, and they ride a lot as a family.  Hubs and I were both unable to ride for so long it seemed sort of wasteful to have them hanging out in the garage. Now that his hip is better and my knee is getting stronger, we've been longing to go riding again.  There was a time that we rode 15 to 20 miles every morning, was that really only four years ago?  Seems a lot longer.

Hubs tested out quite a few bikes.  He tried street bikes, mountain bikes, and comfort bikes.  A wide variety of each.  We both finally settled on mountain hybrids.  We had comfort hybrids.  We thought about going for a ride yesterday, but honestly the wind was blowing the car off the road, we didn't stand a chance.  It's on the agenda for this morning.

I'm slowly feeling like we are regaining our "balance" in life. We need to.

Today will eventually involve chores and tasks.  But not until later.  For a bit this morning, its going to involve being selfish.  It's going to involve a crackling fire, a green smoothie (my sis and I are doing a green smoothie challenge), hot coffee, and some day dreaming.  Then a beautiful bike ride along the Meramac River.  Absorbing the vitamin D that comes from a sunny day and filling our buckets with the beauty that is special to an early spring day.

How about you?

welcome spring?

Salad is made for lunches tomorrow, dishes are done, lemon water is set out so that it's ready for tomorrow.
Hubs is upstairs softly snoring, his exhaustion factor is pretty high tonight.  Gator went up the stairs before Hubs did. As usual it's me and Neeko.

I don't think Neeko likes to leave mommy downstairs, no matter how tired he gets.  He's lying on the sofa beside me snoring away.  Silly guy.  He is ever watching over us.  Me in particular.  Last night I was having a particularly bad dream.  And evidently I was talking in my dreams.  Actually I was praying, as I was in a room with a particularly ugly darkness.  It must have left my dream and I awoke to the big guy laying full against me, nuzzling my cheek to wake me.  He would have made an awesome therapy dog.  He's just a big, gentle old goof.  Sometimes he is the smartest dog I've ever seen, and others... well... let's just say he'd be in danger on his own.

This first day of spring has sure been an interesting one.  Hubs and I were standing in the kitchen having coffee and talking while waiting on his "paint" clothes to dry, when we looked up and saw the biggest snow flakes falling silently.  We'd just come in from walking the boys not 20 minutes before and it was chilly, but honestly snow was not at all what we expected to see. Maybe a bit of a spring shower, but definitely not snow.

It kept falling for a few hours, luckily it's been warm enough that it didn't stick.  A blessing considering all the buds and flowers that have taken advantage of these beautiful days. Although seeing the beautiful budding trees blanketed in white was an odd sight this morning.

Since Hubs had to go back to finish painting this morning, I made the decision to join him.  For many reasons, mostly... I missed him!  I could have stayed home and finished picking up the house, did some cooking prep for the coming week, maybe even caught up on the ironing.  While that would have bought me time later in the week, it wouldn't have given me time with my Hubs.  Besides, I could see he was getting tired, even if he couldn't.  Besides many hands make light work, and I am a darn good painter.  In less than four hours we were done and on our way.

By mid-day it was a bright chilly day, but much more spring like.  Gotta love the mid-west.

Tonight instead of driving down to my daughters I walked.  It's not a bad walk, only ten minutes.  Problem, it's got a mean hill that either my knee or foot haven't liked. Today I decided I win.  So after Hubs and I walked the boys, I left him home and walked down to take care of her mini-zoo.

The ladies were being a bit quiet. I was worried, I always worry when she is out of town, but especially that the mothercluckers were being quiet.  Silly me! They were just resting waiting for Gramma to show up!  As soon as I opened the door all the way they had plenty to tell me about.  Evidently when you are a chicken, you certainly have a lot to cluck about.  After a few minutes they were all walking around my feet, flying up to sit on the hutch roof and very concerned that the food dish hadn't been filled quickly.  And even more concerned that I was scooping up stuff from the bottom of their house.  They weren't too thrilled that I was disrupting their decorating.

All was good in Clucksville.  All the wet critters were accounted for.  I bothered the lizard, but as I hadn't seen him I was concerned.  And thankfully the snake had decided to move back under his rock (I really do dislike snakes!).  And two of my grand kitties came for loving and treats.  The baby didn't, but I saw him this morning.  The king mouser was probably doing just that.

Heading back up the hill I decided to check my FitBit stats on my phone.  I am really trying to get in 10,000 steps.  I'd felt it buzz, so I knew that I'd hit it. I wasn't quite at five miles.  I wanted to hit five miles.  I don't compete well with others, but I can be ruthless against myself.  Hubs was at home resting the past three days had beat him up pretty good, I didn't figure he'd mind if I took a slight detour on the way home, so I walked the entire neighborhood.

I am completely focused on healing my leg naturally, I'm currently taking the one medication they feel I need. I can assure you that isn't going to happen for too much longer.  I am totally the definition of anti-medication. Hate it.  No tolerance for it and frankly I don't trust big pharma.

So as the sun started to consider setting I continued in my circle around the neighborhood.  I feel I am getting stronger every day.  I need to focus more on my physical therapy.  I haven't been as good at it now that I don't go to the therapist, for the first time I fully appreciate the value.  It's the accountability factor.  My current accountability factor is I do not want another needled shoved into my knee. It hurts.

The moon is high in the sky as this first full day of spring comes to a close, my eyes are getting heavy.  Some other time we will talk about the journey into eating cleaner and exercising more, the quest continues.  Now it's time to climb the stairs, coax the two bed hogs to let me and Neeko climb in, and rest.  Tomorrow is another day...

Lessons from Gator...

Early this morning, long before I'm normally awake, I simply ran out of sleep.  Usually I drift back off, usually it's simply a momentary rustling around in the blanket cocoon that I have somehow created in my sleep.  The warmth temporarily stealing my sleep with I search for the coolness of the air in the room.

Today, that didn't happen.  Today I was wide awake.  A million things running through my mind, some work, some personal, some hopes, some aspirations, some crazy thoughts.  Didn't matter, it completely robbed my sleep. And 3:30 am is rarely a time that I actually see, much less register alertness on any scale.

Tonight, well I tonight when I start driving home at around 9:00 pm, I am fairly certain I will be seriously regretting that slip in my routine.

My mind was flipping through things so fast that it felt like someone was spinning one of those old fashioned Rolodex, like we used to do when we were younger and one presented itself to our inquiring fingers.

This year has felt like it is one full of change, since the moment the clock struck midnight.  It's felt exciting, frightening, challenging, comforting, and out of the ordinary to me.  Two months have already slipped by, today starts a new month.  Although they are starting to feel like they are simply melding together and the calendar is as meaningless as anything else.

I wonder if all this is caused by the fact that I am now in my 50's, that my brain is starting to force me to think differently.  I actually caught myself at the doctor's office yesterday saying the words "I'm 50, I don't want to waste the rest of my life wishing I had done something sooner." Yikes!  Where did that come from?

Maybe it was still playing in my head when I woke up suddenly this morning.  Not sure.

That stupid knee was bothering me, so I took a long soak in Epsom salts, detox and hot water, elixir of the Gods if you ask me!  And spent a few long minutes reading "Tribes".  It was assigned through work, initially I was bummed, wondering where time was going to come from to squeeze that into my schedule.

Reading it has altered my thoughts in a lot of ways.  I will probably read it again.  There are lines in there, that I am finding stuck in my brain.  They are causing me to feel tossed and turned, the are mixing up with my already altered mind set.

After reading my brain starts turning things around even faster, spinning almost out of control. I am questioning so much more.  The food we eat, the quality time we spend together, the changes that are important for our health, how to avoid surgery (yeah this one is rapidly looking less likely...), work, life, home, balance... so many things that are completely mixed, mashed and tossed around.

Truth is... I am 50.  Realistically more than half way through my life. I am questioning.  Am I doing things that at the end I will regret?  I have always tried to live my life where I have few regrets, I am not sure I am doing that now. Hubs spent the majority of the past month alone.

Gator and I were walking a bit slower than Hubs and Neeko this morning, I didn't rush him.  It was a fairly warm morning, almost 50 degrees out there.  An early spring morning, perfection at it's best. Normally, I am prodding him to walk a bit faster, to not take time to sniff every blade of grass, to do his business and move along.

Today... I didn't.  Hubs and Neeko started walking faster when the rain drops started to fall.  Big ones, the kind that actually leave the "splat" marks and sound when they hit the pavement.  You could smell that heavy, dusky, earthy smell of rain moving in.  There were no clouds visible in that pitch colored sky, no moon to lighten the sky even though it was almost six.  Normally, Gator would have flipped out being that far from home and getting... gasp... wet!  This is a boy that definitely needs all the creature comforts of life.

As Hubs disappeared around the curve, Gator and I meandered. Nope that walk isn't counting for "active" anything on my Fit-bit.  Hub's offered me his ball cap as he and Neeko headed off, I declined.  So what if I'd already done my hair, the drops felt refreshing, I could do my hair again.  I think my little old guy was feeling the same.

We wandered slowly back towards the house, simply enjoying the moment.  He sniffed every blade of grass, climbed up the little hills, and bounced around with mom.  The drops weren't bothering him.  I saw a meme the other day of a dog with his person walking, it said "who's walk is this anyway?"  Solid question.  

Gator's been through so much.  He's an old guy.  Who am I to deprive him of a leisurely stroll simply because I can't slow down myself.  The slowness of the walk made me stop and think.  I need to do the same myself.  I need to slow down, I need to let a few raindrops bounce on the top of my head.  I need to really look at my priorities and evaluate who is setting them.  Is it me?  Am I sniffing every blade of grass? Or am I running along mindlessly hoping I will come back to it later?

I have an unnerving feeling that I am chasing dreams for other people, rushing through life and forgetting to live it.  I desperately wanted to enjoy the part of the beautiful Sunday that I wasn't working.  I was so exhausted from the LONG Saturday the day before, that I muddled sleepily through a sweet late lunch with Hubs - not even remembering what we talked about, totally skipped the desire to walk at the zoo, and wasn't even able to buy a new pair of sneakers because my stupid left leg was so swollen from the day before that I couldn't accurately judge how they fit.  I finally gave up, ran the few remaining errands, skipped dinner and just sat mindlessly on the sofa at the end of the day waiting out the clock so I could lay my head down on my pillow.

I need to learn a few lessons from Gator.

Love unconditionally.
Be loyal to my family.
Patience.  Good things come when you are willing to wait.
Be picky about my food.
Enjoy the beauty of a long leisurely stroll, soaking up the sunshine or the rain as both are fabulous!
Be willing to take a nice long nap when I need it.
Ignore anything that doesn't make me happy.

Anyone else questioning?

Smoothing out the rough edges...

Sitting alone in the silence.  My favorite heating pad on my shoulders (I've been a little tense lately and they are a bit tight). Sipping on some of the best Rooibos tea I have had since leaving Germany (it's Bourbon Vanilla Rooibos and I got it at The Spicery in Kimmswick, if you are local).  I'm simply unwinding.

There are many things on my to do list, in fact it's seems longer than I have the hours to accomplish. This entire month has been absolute insanity! My Gator boy needed emergency surgery. The vet wasn't sure he was going to live, we go back Tuesday, I feel much better about things than I did two weeks ago.  Two weeks ago I was sitting around holding him and sobbing.  Afraid that our time together was coming to an end.  Today walking in the sunshine, with Sir Sniffs-a-lot... well it sure feels like we have a good amount of time left together.

I think that therapy is coming along good, although since we've added in weight bearing exercises, it's been pretty sore.  My mission is still to avoid surgery, praying I will be able to.  Frankly not a fan of anyone cutting me open.  Unfortunately since I have been working so hard on the left leg, the right foot is feeling the need for attention.  Getting old is definitely not for sissy's!

I feel like I have sort of been living at work.  Probably because I sort of have...  Hubs and I driving separate is definitely a double edged sword.  I might not have to go in super early on days I have to work late, but I am finding a whole lot of days its easier to stay later and later. I am not real good at drawing lines. Sometimes I need someone to take out a big crayon and draw them for me.

Tonight marks my third day off.  I feel a bit unaccomplished.  My house is still needing attention, I could vacuum, hang up coats, dust, iron, empty the dish washer, and a few other things.  But... well, I didn't, and if it weren't for knowing that it will be March before I have a day off again... the laundry in the washing machine, well... lets just say I am pretty sure it wouldn't be happening.  Frankly, I'm tired.

God graced us with a beautiful weekend, the kind that are unheard of here in the Midwest in February.  Last week we had snow, this weekend we had a sneak preview of spring.

Very uncharacteristically, I spoiled myself.  I finally had my birthday massage, that was so relaxing - until the next day, note to self... you should never forget that no matter how good you feel you still have fibro.  YIKES!  Had lunch with Hubs and an early afternoon fabulous walk with my girl all before my late afternoon nap, and that was just on Friday!!  It's been a long time since I spent a day like that.

Saturday morning we got up early and took the boys for a walk at the park, after all of Gators trauma we felt he earned a nice stroll in the sunshine before we had a meeting at church. After that the Hubs took me on a mini-adventure.  We went to Historic Washington, Missouri.  He's been dying to take me to a little place called Wimpy's.  Maybe I am just moving out of the phase where I find burgers tasty, but I didn't really like the burger, the fries were awesome though! In all fairness, it could have been the "brain sandwich" on the menu that took my taste for meat away.  Who eats that??  Wimpy's is 81 years old, and it's still in the same place.  From the looks of it, it's probably going to be around another 81, unless a flood carries it away.  Folks were sure packed in there... but seriously... brains?

We then spent the next few hours wandering through little shops, mostly antiques and a few specialty shops. I found a yarn shop, and actually a couple of skeins of yarn that I was seriously coveting (yes, I know thou shalt not covet...) planned to buy them, but after 10 minutes of waiting for the owner to quit talking and wait on me, I left.  Sorry, I don't have time to stand around while you discuss bake sales. Guess she really didn't want to sell any yarn.

We ended yesterday having pie for dinner.  It wasn't the game plan, but 4 different shop owners told us we should have pie at Cowan's.  So... we did.  We weren't expecting such huge slices of pie, so pie and coffee it was. We bought our girl one as a surprise, needless to say it safely fed at 7 or 8 people.

It was an unbelievably early evening after that.  And I slept for 11 hours, I guess I was tired. And it's always easier to sleep after a day of sunshine and warm weather listening to a thunderstorm outside.

Today dawned sunny and warm, I think Hubs could tell by the fact that after a long walk with the boys and soak in a hot tub I wasn't in the mood to do chores.  I simply didn't want to be a grown up. He knows me so well.

So after service, instead of turning right, he went left.  All the way to Historic Kimmswick, I'd never been, and was intrigued. Lunch at the Blue Owl, then a meet up with friend that are part owners in a shop down there led to an afternoon of exploring and laughter.  Just what the doctor ordered.  We browsed through some fantastic little stores.  Found a few odds and ends, bought some tea, wandered through the Christmas Haus (oh MY! haven't enjoyed that so much since Kathe Wohlfahrt in Germany) and finally stopped for a hand made pretzel at the Dough Depot.

Sunshine, laughter and friends.  Does it get any better?

Maybe... except for the fact that Mastodon State Historic Site does not in fact have any mastodon's. But it was a beautiful walk in the sunshine just the same.

Tomorrow will be soon enough, I needed these three days.  I have been neck deep in stress and strain both mental and physical for weeks.  I could feel stress fractures happening in my world. My edges were fraying.

How did you spend your weekend?

I need a break!

It's been a long day...

My little old guy is in pain.  For some reason one of his joints is very swollen.  I will take him to the vet in the morning, pray that it is minor.

I hate seeing him suffer.  It breaks my heart into a million pieces.  He's so low to the ground that lifting it and hobbling on 3 legs isn't really an option.  I know it's aching him, he's sat in my lap all day, wanting it gently rubbed.  I am concerned that he pulled something when he was running around Friday.  You would have thought he was a puppy, not pushing 15.

He'd met me at the door bouncing and wagging everything he could possibly wag!  He's been super playful all week, I even caught him with a toy (this never happens) twice.

But yesterday morning it was a tad swollen, and by the time we came home from Mardi Gras with the girl and her group of friends, it was huge!  Poor baby.

I was up most of the night, worried about him, stressed, looking for him.

He'd finally gotten comfortable on the floor and was sleeping really sound.  I didn't sleep good, worried that I would find him gone, I do that a lot. The way he was laying, stopped my heart.  In the darkness I couldn't see if he was breathing, and when I called his name he didn't respond.  I laid down on the floor beside him. Panic trying to over take me.  Gently placing my hand on his side, praying.  I felt nothing. I am fairly sure I stopped breathing myself.  Then he growled.  Seems he was in a deep sleep and I'd startled him.

I let him go back to sleep.  I tried to do the same.

I know that he's old.  I know that he is sick.  I am simply not ready to let him go.  He's been my baby since 2004, when we rescued him.  Or he rescued us, I'm not sure which way that went.

He's surly and sweet.  There are times that little grouch totally makes me cranky and others that I can't get enough of his sweet little ways.

Today he's needed his mom.  Today, I've sat with him on the couch, snuggled with him on the floor.  I needed the time with him too.

I just wish he wasn't feeling so low.  Neeko ran into him, knocking him over.  It had to be painful, but he didn't yelp.  He just hopped around with it held up looking at me to fix it.  And I can't. He's walking good. Just slow.  Seems to bother him most when he's trying to get up or jump.

This weekend has been such a mix of emotions and almost no sleep.  It's hard to sort it out.

I haven't managed to finish the laundry, but I am working on it.  I am cooking dinner right now and Gator just hobbled in to see if there were any morsels that he was missing out on.

Tomorrow starts a long stretch of work days.  And more worry about the little old guy.

I have therapy in the morning, and I am afraid to jinx myself, but whatever changed on Wednesday, seems to have been a change for the better.  It is barely hurting at all.  Maybe I dodged that surgery bullet after all.  I am hopeful! The therapist has really been working hard to help me avoid it.  I appreciate it more than you can imagine.

Yesterday was full of fun, Mardi Gras with Hubs, my girl and her guy and two of their friends.  I don't normally like crowds and that really wasn't the exception.  We were lucky to be able to be at a private party. We could be inside enjoying the music and not being trampled. I've been the German Octoberfest and never encountered so many over the top drunk folks. YIKES!  But it was about seven hours of revelry in the middle of stress. I needed it.

Well... please say a prayer for my little old guy... I need to go feed the big old guy!

It's the mid-west after all...

9 am yucky rain

Hubsters and I have been busy this morning!  Thought I would slow down for a minute and drink my smoothie and maybe type a bit.

Last weekend we were both fighting the crud, weather forecast said sunny, dry and near 50 today, so no worries we will take it down on the following Saturday.  No worries, no stress, perfect plan. Maybe it is time to remind myself that we live in the mid-west, and a weather forecast of only a day is a crap shoot.

Before day break we were rushing to take the boys for their walk - before they got soaked with some seriously cold rain - yep, we were not successful.  And the Gator does not like his old bones to be cold or wet.

Then rushing around to take down the outside decorations before the possible 2 - 4 inches of snow hits us after noon when the temps decide to drop dramatically. I did not want to be trying to take it all down in that kind of mess.

Soaking wet, freezing cold, and fingers slowly thawing out, the front of the house doesn't look like the holiday ever happened.   Although I did leave the sled and snowman sign up.  After all, they are predicting snow.

Hubs also worked on the Merc, we are selling the Divine Ms. Em... She's beautiful, I love her, but truth is Hubs hasn't been up to working on her for years now, so she sits and gathers dust in between her occasional baths and starts.  Not fair for that beautiful gal to be sitting, rotting.  I'm her second owner, she deserves better than two old ladies owning her.  

Besides we need two functioning cars.  These long days are kicking our bums.  Living so far from work now, it's not even feasible to come home when one of us has to be in early or stay late. It limits opportunities and causes stress we simply don't need or want.

Hubs is outside with the young man and his dad that are interested in buying her.  I've chosen to stay out of it.  I know it's the right decision, but it's still an emotional one.  After all, Hubs bought her for me on the grand baby's first birthday!  The young man looks like he would be a good owner for her.  I am someone that goes on emotion and feelings.  To see his face as he looked at her when I took the keys out there, he wasn't seeing her age and few flaws, he was seeing her potential and beauty.  We'll see... She might have a new home very soon...

I'd just gotten up for a cup of coffee as they arrived.  They were pulling up front as I looked out the back window and realized that yet again the weathermen might possibly need a new crystal ball.  The rain was supposed to go steady until after noon.  It's not even 10 and big fluffy snowflakes are already starting to fall. I am not sure we will get any accumulation, but I am going to enjoy hanging by the fireplace watching them fall.

Okay... so reevaluation of the weather again... Seems the weatherman that said to watch for hamster sized snow flakes was not exaggerating!  These things are huge!  Almost a full snow ball size.  I do believe it might accumulate.  Unbelievable!

It's been a busy week, and I am still trying to find my groove to get back to writing, my goal is to get back to daily.  It might take a bit, but I am working towards that goal.

Butternut Ginger Soup anyone?

I am working towards a lot of goals.  I feel like the first week of any changes are always the hardest. And we made it through week one with most of our new goals intact.  I didn't write everyday, but we didn't eat out once until last night.  When we went out for a delayed Christmas party (December got too busy and crazy). And it was the most amazing seafood I have had in the mid-west, fresh daily, and just downright amazing! A solid week of home cooked meals.  It's been a long time since that has happened.  I have taken steps towards some serious professional goals, and almost completed one wrister.  Need a set of double points in the right size, that magic loop thing seriously does not work on thumbs.

Well the snow is rapidly covering things, so I need to run out for more fruits, veggies and weekly supplies before the snow makes doing that not fun. In the thirty minutes since it started snowing it's already starting to accumulate... And I went for a walk in a windbreaker yesterday... gotta love the mid-west!

Everyone stay safe and warm...