ever changing...

Life.

Nature.

Beauty and violence all in one. I might get a tad overly emotional where things involving life are concerned.  I understand that I am not a vegetarian and eat meat.  I assure you if I had to kill it myself, I would completely be a vegetarian again.  I guess that makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I get it, I own it.

Last night we came home from the annual Lamplighter Gala.  All dressed up from the event, I let Neeko out front for his evening potty break so Hubs could go upstairs.  That disc in his back is wreaking havoc on him and he needed to lay down. 

Our resident momma robin dived bombed our heads as usual when we come out the door.  Turning around to go in my heart stopped and I screamed. 

I hate snakes, its a fear that goes beyond rational.  I've tried to over come it, but just can't seem to do so. There to my side, climbing up the wall in the near darkness was a large black snake - at least two feet long, although woven in and out of my siding he sure looked bigger. 

Momma bird's frantic attempt to save her baby overwhelmed me and for a moment I forgot my fear, grabbed a broom and tried to help her, pulling it away. Unfortunately I'm short  and even wearing heels had to get Hubs. 

Hubs was finally able to get the snake down, but not before it had gulped up the sweet little hatchling. It couldn't have been more than a day old, if that. 

I felt such sorrow for momma robin.  I don't know if she felt it also, I guess it isn't right to ascribe human emotions to animals, but who are we to say they don't have them.

I know that my Gator can display a myriad of emotions when looking at me.  There is rarely doubt as to his wants and needs.

Part of my slowing down journey is savoring walks with the boys. 

They are both seniors, extreme seniors.  For their breeds they should both be gone, given Gator's cancer, he's a flipping miracle.  We've really been watching them slow down over the past six months or so, that twenty minute walk can be over forty now.  There have been many times in the past few months that I have caught myself in my hurry to be busy getting frustrated with the length of the walk.  Instead of having empathy for the old guys, I was fretting about all the stuff that was bogging me down.

I read something, somewhere a while ago that challenged me to remember that their walks were not for me, but for them.  It was their chance to experience life, to move at the speed they wanted and to allow them to savor all that was around.  Because their moments on earth are brief and will be gone in a flash.

I also read a fascinating article yesterday about re-learning the art of lingering. I realized as I was soaking, doctor ordered (how ironic), that I have lost that art.  If I ever had it fully. I remember once being rather catty about my ex and stating "he could relax himself into a coma". The truth was, he knew how to relax and linger and I was too uptight, even then, always has a busy list going.

So this morning Gator and I lingered.  Neeko isn't as much of a lingerer yet.  He's slowed down significantly, but his long legs mean he naturally covers more ground. Gator's strolls wear Neeko out! Hubs had an appointment for his back this morning, so he and Neeks left earlier.  At 18 Gator felt the need to sleep in a bit and then the legs didn't want to coordinate on the stairs, so I helped him down. He usually does great, but one misstep and its a belly slide down.  Today I saw the fear in his big brown eyes as he tried to right himself.  That top heavy pit chest pushing him forward as he tried to sort it out. Nothing stopped him from melting into my arms to be helped down the stairs.

As it was just he and I, we enjoyed his stroll. We didn't got nearly as far as we used to, he gets tired before he reaches the "mountain" (a small hill) that he and Hubs used to love to climb so that he could survey his kingdom.  We had several stops to rest on the way back.  We enjoyed the cool morning.

Needless to say I had plenty of time to observe nature.  The beauty and the brutality. Everywhere I looked there were birds, I see so many beautiful cardinals, mourning doves and sparrows.  There are finches and crows, egrets and so many other's that I cannot identify.  In the distance I heard our owls conversing in the tree tops, probably saying good night as the sun was rising. As I stopped with the old guy I really paused to pay attention.  I was watching tiny birds chasing away the bigger birds with a ferocity that seemed unreal. I watched the calls and courting back and forth. I saw a few birds gathering bugs and worms in the freshly watered lawns, probably taking some of it back to nests.

Walking past one driveway on our spectacular stroll we discovered a LONG half inch wide row of the tiniest black ants.  Busy as can be.  Following the trail we discovered them dismantling a fairly large beetle, lying on it's back flailing it's legs.  They were literally eating it alive. There were thousands of them at the very least, that poor beetle did not stand a chance.  Whatever had caused him to be on his back had lead him to be as vulnerable as the tiny baby bird last night.

Hubs is right, it's a circle of life.  I'm still a bit sensitive to it all. I doubt that I will ever not be.  Truth is, I don't know that I want to.

In fact this slowing down and savoring life... It's good stuff.

I know my boys are on the final leg of their journey's with us.  Three and a half years ago I sobbed when the vet told me that the most I would have with Gator would be three months, that they couldn't operate on his cancer due to his age the risk was too great.  To go home and love him.  So I have. We almost lost Neeks almost two years ago. God knew we weren't done loving them.  I don't know that we will be when they finally leave us to wait at the rainbow bridge. But I do know that I will have savored, lingered, snuggled and enjoyed my sweet babies.

For a nano second I regretted not having my phone handy to take some photos.  Instead I took them with my mind and heart.  I'm re-learning to be present. Not everything needs a picture.  So much of it needs to be felt.

I'm still not happy about the snake.  I understand he just wanted dinner.  But I truly hate snakes.  They make my ever loving skin crawl.  In fact I was shaking for almost an hour last night.  Icky, slimy, slithery things.