This morning as I added the water, I felt drawn back in time to my 19 year old self, trying to convince my dad that a degree in horticulture was a great idea. As he was paying for the degree, I allowed myself to be convinced that a degree in computers/data something or other was a better idea. Just for the record, I despised programming languages, I failed to find any beauty in the sterile quiet of a computer lab, and the clacking of keys did not fill my soul with music or joy. I didn't make it. I finished the year, and refused to do it again. I was beyond miserable in that kind of environment.
Over the years I dabbled in various different fields, I did actually work in fields that required more knowledge than I ever wanted in computers. I guess being part of the first wave of kiddo's exposed to home computers was too much for my nature loving spirit.
It's not even 8 am and I've already been outside, I've already wandered through my gardens, marveling at the beauty, harvesting the bounty, collecting the spent flowers to be able to plant next year. Shortly, I plan to gather more plantain leaves to dehydrate, I want to always be sure to have that awesome "magic salve" waiting for use. It's such an incredible to know that I have the knowledge and skill to make such a simple salve that heals so many things quickly and painlessly. So much has been lost to time.
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| Oops, Hubs mowed, gonna have to wait a week. Can you see the plantain hiding in there? |
I should have stood my ground, I should have followed my own passions. For so much of my life, I ceded the oars of my life to others. I gave up the things that filled my heart, things I longed to experience to be able to fit molds that others created and tried to push me into.
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| basil |
My front flower beds have now burst forth full of random chaotic beauty. There is no rhyme nor reason to the chaos. The celosias are bursting vibrant red, they are definitely going to make it interesting to come in and out of the front door. Each year they self seed further and further. This year they are joined by the self-seeded coleus plants that are bursting forth everywhere. The deep purple centers surrounded by the vibrant bright green. It's completely chaotic and fills my very soul with beauty and joy.
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| coleus |
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| celosias |
This morning while enjoying the beauty a tiny baby bunny came dashing out from beneath the shelter of the massive celosias.
I'm at a point in my life now, where I understand what brings me joy. My sweet Hubs figured it out a long time ago. When I was too sick to actually garden, he somehow understood my deep connection to my fingers in the dirt, to coaxing life into barren spaces. He built me a raised bed that was high enough I didn't have be kneel down, where I could stand or sit beside it and work to grow whatever my heart desired. That year it was strawberries. I've never really mastered them on a grand scale, mostly because between birds and grand daughters they never produced enough to seem worth it.
Slowly as I healed and became stronger, he added more. We didn't have much money back then, times were a bit tough, but bit by bit he added to them. He helped me till the soil, carry the bags and bags of dirt that filled those boxes. I don't remember how many there where when we moved. I think there were 8 in addition to that first waist high box. I grew so many things, I learned, I experienced the peace that can only be found in the early hours weeding in the dew. Harvesting the dew covered fruits.
As time went on I began working far too many hours to tend my garden, it slid into neglect and disrepair. Every time I'd wander to the back yard, I'd feel the sorrow that came from being away from it. From watching it die from lack. Lack of attention, time, energy. I was at a low point, working far too many hours, at a job I truly didn't love or even like most days. Missing my connection to the earth.
When we moved and I left those precious beds behind, I felt like I'd left a bit of my heart there too. The yard had a lone tree in the back yard when I'd moved there. There was also one in the front. It felt barren, sad. Like I felt at that time in my life. When we moved there were 17 trees, in the back yard alone, a full garden, roses and passion flowers everywhere. The front yard burst with the beautiful red maple, more roses (a massive bush from a sad $2 Walmart special bought years before), hydrangeas and that giant pine that had started as a 3" seedling to commemorate the first camping trip that my boy and I took with Hubs. It was growing through cracks in the rock road, soon to be crushed by tires when we brought it home.
Moving to our new home I went a few years without a true garden. I was miserable, I worked at jobs that I was rapidly realizing were draining me, not fulfilling me at all. My joy was random pots sitting on the deck with a few miscellaneous plants struggling to survive my work schedule.
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| miniature zinnias |
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| zinnia (isn't it gorgeous?) |
Here we are 11 years later, the garden is my happy place. Listening to the cicadas waking each morning is like a symphony. Punctuated by the call of the birds to one another, my sweet little hummingbirds telling me good morning as the dart between the bright red feeders and flowers.
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| still more zinnias |
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| and more zinnias |
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| Hibiscus Okra - beautiful and delicious |
Today I will make some cowboy candy with all of the jalapeno's I harvested, grown from tiny seedlings. This year I added the flowers and the elderberry trees to our little backyard paradise. Why did I wait so long. Life needs beauty as well as function. The flowers bring all of the pollinators to the yard. My neighbor told me last night how much she enjoys the beauty of the flowers, that she sometimes sits and watches the butterflies and finches dancing through the literal piles of colorful unruly flowers.
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| chocolate cherry tomatoes |
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| might have a few more ready to pick |
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| petunia that never found a home |
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| this mornings bounty |
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| cow peas close to harvest time |
I understand her joy. I understand the beauty. Here in this last phase of my life, I finally understand following your passions. I intend to enjoy every moment of the beauty. To learn how to use the gifts from the earth to enhance life. If my neighbors with their sterile green lawns want to live in a sea of poison to prevent those gifts, I will understand and support their choices. Me... I'm going to have a lawn that is crazily diverse, filled with plants that offer more than simply their beauty. I will treasure the frogs and skinks that move about the yard. I delight in the butterflies, moths, plethora of different bees, the birds that the others miss out on and the fireflies at night. I will still be panicked when the big black snake makes it's appearance, while being thankful for it's contribution to the garden just the same.
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| the protector of the flowers |
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| the guardian of all she sees... |
I wish that the 19 year old me had had the strength of conviction to follow through on her dreams. I wish that she had been able to bravely speak life into those dreams. A lifetime of patio gardens had to substitute. Even now it's simply my treetop garden, but the joy is exponential.
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| even in the fading, the life circle continues |
Follow your dreams, learn the things that fill you with joy and once you start never stop...
love and peace, b
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