it's the little things...

What a glorious day it was! We decided to take the pups for a walk this morning. Hubs was feeling pretty darn good, seems like that first procedure is going really well, and third winter is supposed to be hitting again tomorrow. So the sunshine and warm temps were calling our names.  

I think I have gotten Hubs hooked on walking and hiking through the woods. And watching the rebirth all around you is only that much more intoxicating. We got an early start, having discovered that it is pretty easy to give Beau his medication while we are out and about, but also because it is far more enjoyable to romp the forest paths when it is just us. 

One of our favorite spots is Rockwood Conservation Area.  We walk the flat part of the Lime Kiln trail when Hubs needs flat ground. Besides there is a beautiful little spot where the water flows out of the side of the "mountain" (hehe... mid-west mountain) that Belle and Beau are passionate about.  They are definitely water pups and can't wait to pounce and splash in it as we are crossing. That section gives us about 2.2 miles, enough. 

Hubs is healing, Belle is maintaining and Beau and I are just having a great time! Getting back in the car Hubs realized he was pretty darn close to hitting his 3 mile walk for the day and was up for another round. I'd read about another Conservation area near the one we were at, so off we went.  Not having the slightest idea what to expect. 

Let's just say Rockwood might have competition! Greensfelder is even bigger, and the paths are insane! We had to share a lot more than we like, it was well after 10 am when we got there.  But the pups did fantastic with the runners and mountain bikes that we had to share the thin paths with.  I was so proud of them.  The only almost hiccup was a runner with his pup, but we were able to step down the hillside a bit to let them zip on by. 

I kept checking with Hubs, telling him to let me know when he was ready to turn around.  We were only going to walk a quarter mile and then turn around. We were having such a great hike that we ended up walking a full half mile in, which meant a half mile back.  Another full mile ticked off for our weekend.  It was so beautiful, we even chatted about the book I was telling you about a bit ago.  "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. 

The park reminded me so much of Germany and all the walks I took living there.  I get a bit wrapped up in them and enjoy the journey so much. That park is definitely one that is going to need a lot more exploring and it's only 20 minutes from home.

I wasn't sure the day could get better. Beautiful blue skies, the bright pops of colors starting to pop up through the deary browns of winter.  And spending time with Hubs and the pups.  Does it get any better?

Why, yes it can, and it did.  Hubs grabbed the mail and asked me if I was expecting anything from his sister in Alabama, nope, I sure wasn't. But I was definitely curious.  Sis hadn't mentioned she was sending anything and I could hardly wait to see what was in that soft brown package. 

Remember I said that somewhere along the way my copy of "A Walk in the Woods" had gotten misplaced, I did briefly look to see if I could find another copy, but I got distracted (what is new there?) and never finished the quest. 

I had absolute tears in my eyes when I opened the envelop and there was a beautiful new copy of it!  I can hardly wait to dive into it again.  Normally, I am not a fan of surprises.  But gifts of pure love, well now... That just filled my heart to over flowing.  She found it at a book sale at her library.  

It's sitting beside my chair.  I have another book I am wrapping up right now.  It's an educational one, and I am learning a great deal, so I want to finish it.  I will have at least 8 weeks keeping my Belle still and healing.  I will mentally take a long walk with Bill as I tend to my girl. 

I felt so heard, I'm still smiling and it was hours ago. It filled my heart with so much love, that something so trivial as a book I loved mattered.  Thank you Sis!  I will never lose this copy or my note from it. 

Hubs and I will probably hit the trails a bit again tomorrow, the morning has cleared and the storm is waiting for later in the day.  Not sure if we will take our pups, we worry about our Belle. But a few miles connecting with nature before she reminds us who is actually in charge isn't a bad thing. 

I can't wait to blow the cobwebs out of my memory and read my book.  I can't wait to remember the day dreams that came with it all those years ago.  Nope, I am fairly positive I will never hike the Appalachian Trail myself, but I can definitely live vicariously through his words. 

It's super late for me, my eyes are struggling to stay open, but I have to give my Beau his 9 pm meds.  Then I will head up and go to bed myself.  Tomorrow is another day.... 

Celebrate the small tokens of love, they really make life feel magical. 

much love, 

b

in the twilight...

The sun is starting to head off for the day.  The beautiful autumn temps are creeping in.  I long to put on my hoodie lounging gown, but it is probably a bit premature for that.  Although I will admit to starting this beautiful day in a sweatshirt.  The time is coming!

By this time tomorrow Hubs will have been home for a bit, he'll have had his dinner and most likely be in his recliner - although I will try to convince him to enjoy the beautiful evening with me.  I've missed him. Yep, I still treasure silence and stillness, but I treasure our time together even more.  Although, I am glad that he was able to make the trip this weekend.  He misses his sister so much and she lives a good bit away from us, down in Alabama.  I always tell him to make a plan and just go, but we also know she is busy and getting a few days together is tough.  

Enter a birthday party.  His niece had a milestone birthday this year, it became the perfect excuse to head south. His visit was kept a secret.  I'm sure it was a wonderful surprise just the same.  It worked out great.  He got to see his sis and celebrate his niece.  I would have loved to have gone, but leaving Beau is far too complicated and nerve racking.  Finding hotels that allow two hefty pups is a nightmare, and only having a few days meant it was too much to drag the camper that far.  

Surprise! Happy Birthday!

He flew solo this weekend. Pups and I have been hanging out.  I'd love to say I was super productive with my solo time.  That I created all the quilts on my list and finished up all the other little things that have been lingering. I wasn't. 

Mom, we need to talk...

Truthfully, I simply rested.  I guess I needed it.  Friday and Saturday ended up being lazy. Lounging on the deck in the cool of the day, playing with pups, taking naps, and basically just being.  I mean I did do some random things and I even got dressed and ate real meals.  Talk about adulting! I have a bad habit of popping some pop corn and not wasting energy when left to my own devices.  

I am thankful that he had the time to go, I am thankful that they made time for each other.  Time is flying past, minutes should not be wasted. 

Tonight sitting out here smelling the remains of a fire, wondering if someone is roasting marshmallows, or simply gathering with the family for the evening.  I am a bit weary and a bit lonely.  While my pups have zero problems conveying their needs and desires, the are not the greatest conversationalists.  

pleading for treats

I spent the day with people - running errands and stopping at the quilt shop, taking the pups for a walk with our friends, chatting with mom, a couple times with Hubs, messaging with the kids, after a filled day the sudden stillness feels empty.  

Belle's approach is
so much softer

It doesn't help that I am tired.  I caught up on bunch of the planned things today, the dehydrator is full of chicken paws (Beau is very much aware), the freeze dryer trays are loaded with beef tongue, hearts and liver (yes they are spoiled). Laundry is done, house is tidy, errands are run.  I'm really ready to put my head on my pillow and count some sheep, but that has to wait.  Medicine times haven't passed yet.  So needless to say I am going to find a few more chores to keep me alert as I wait. 

The sun has set, I can barely see the keyboard, it's definitely time to call it a night.

Remember to make time for what truly matters.  Most of the things that surround us are distractions.  Things that steal away those precious moments.  Focus. 

much love, b

foraging...

What is that tree with the bright pink flowers?  Have you ever... Definitely how the conversation started. And my latest experiment. My sister and her husband came over for breakfast, I rarely see them so it was a definite treat, and she was standing at the kitchen window looking out at the mini-forest behind my house.  

The Redbud trees had caught her eye. In all fairness, they catch everyone's eyes this time of year.  They are not only beautiful, but plentiful here in eastern Missouri.  And April is definitely their month to shine! No matter where you look you will find a random redbud.  In the midst of evergreens, or standing proud by itself.  It's one of the first signs that spring has arrived. 

At no point while enjoying these beautiful hot pink blossoms did I ever think... hmmm... that would make a great jelly.  I just felt they were beautiful to observe.  That they heralded the arrival of one of my favorite times of the year.  Spring. 

And then my sister tells me that she's been reading about Redbud jelly and wondering if I had tried it. Of course I hadn't.  In fact I was in a bit of disbelief.  I mean I follow a ton of websites that are all about foraging and I am often amazed at the things that people have discovered, forgotten and rediscovered that are not only delicious, but healthy for you.  You know that I immediately started looking for a recipe.  I mean, if one existed, I felt we needed to give it a whirl.  Although I was still quite dubious. 

Those Ozark women were definitely on to something. As Hubs and I headed out to join them a bit later, I was chatting with him about it.  We'd missed our original turn and were turning around on a fairly unused road.  Redbuds all around.  Well... we harvested a bag full, me insisting that it was far more than the two cups needed, Hubs insisting it wasn't close. Ummmm... I was right, but thankfully he was insistent.  Because 3 little jars was never going to be enough as we later discovered. 

After spending a bit of time with them before they headed out of town, we headed home for a few moments to prep those buds. Rinse, stuff, cover with boiling water and wait.  Yep, step one involves waiting.  We know how I feel about waiting. 

I wouldn't get to make it until Saturday.  Tick Tock, don't look at the clock.  We went about enjoying the rest of Friday with Mom, who had made a rare visit to St. Louis.  We chatted about a zillion things, I'm sure, round and round the conversations went, yet in the back of my mind I was thinking jelly! 

Once I get a new thing to try in my head, well, I become a bit obsessive about it. And time was of the essence.  If this turned out as yummy and beautiful as everyone was saying it would, we were definitely running out of time to harvest more of the flowers.  Be still my mind!

Saturday morning, still not time.  It did not stop me from peeking and wondering if folks were full of prunes.  I kept looking at those jars, pale off white colored and doubting that I was going to end up with that vibrant pink jelly.  I read so much about about it in between drive times and visiting. Evidently, it was a common fear.  What did I have to lose?  A couple cups of sugar and a bit of time?

After having breakfast with another sister, her Hubs and Mom we headed off for mom's appointment.  While she was in her meeting, Hubs and I discovered an incredible kitchen gadget store down the road.  We are both HUGE suckers for those kind of stores.  I also felt fate drew us there.  I needed cheesecloth for my jelly making and there it was.  Everywhere in the store. 

I wasn't sure how much time it would take.  Old recipes are rarely accurate in that way. I was stunned at the simplicity and beauty. 

Smashing down the water and flowers into the fine mesh strainer, yielded a beautiful purple liquid.  I was more than a bit perplexed.  

Oh well, maybe it would be purple... Added the lemon juice, pectin and sugar... POP!  All the sudden that regal shade of purple was a trampy shade of hot pink!  I prepped jars as it came to a boil, gently stirred and kept testing consistency.  I saved a small bit for mom and I to taste.  I was not canning it if it was horrible. 

Surprise!  Not only was it not horrible it was was incredible.  It has a very soft grape like flavor and most delightful shade of hot pink ever. My sister returned from her quick trip north to see her in-laws to jelly to try. 

Yesterday morning dawn bright and early, with Hubs and I making the most of our time, out in the sticks picking hot pink flowers, 3 small jars was never going to be enough.  We had plans to meet everyone for baby sisters birthday breakfast and then I had to work all day.  We were definitely on a time budget.  

This time we filled 4 jars and I will make the jelly tonight.  Takes about 15 minutes a batch, which will yield approximately 12 jars of hot pink heaven.  We might share some. I'd say we will gather more this weekend, but snow is predicted tomorrow.  There will be no flowers left after that hits. 

We have definitely made a mark on the calendar to watch for the redbud blossoms next spring.  Now I have moved on to dandelion's.  I am going to ravage the uncared for garden beds at work.  A few cups of blossoms will produce a different kind of jelly.  I am anxious to try it. 

Darn you sis... Have you ever... is the start of a statement that should never be said to me! Thankful for a Hubs that will walk in crazy land with me.  And a sister that will challenge me to try things. 

the beginning...

This is by far my favorite time of the day.  Surrounded by silence. It's still dark outside.  The coffee is hot and my mind is still clear. The hustle and bustle of the world hasn't crept in.  

It's still. 

I thrive at this time of the day.

The peace of this Thanksgiving morning made me want to pause, to reflect. As I was waiting for my coffee and tidying up the kitchen to get ready to make pies my mind and heart started to drift backwards. 

Instead of a giant turkey sitting in the sink ready to be prepped for dinner there is a smattering of dishes from Hubs and I being too tired to wash them last night.  My counter tops are covered with painting supplies, not ingredients for a feast. 

For a moment in time, I felt disconnected. 

I remember almost a half a century of Thanksgiving dinners.  When I closed my eyes and stood there I could see my mom and dad starting the early morning prep when we were all so small.  Thanksgiving has always been wondrous, a time of gathering, a moment of pure love. I'm old enough to remember long before simple holidays were a reason for political statements and discomfort. 

I remember watching them prep that big bird, when you are a family of 6 with a guarantee of at least a few stray airmen far from home, it had to be huge!  The stuffing was made first, there is always a pot of giblets, gizzards, the heart, neck and Lord knows what else was pulled out of that bird simmering with celery, onions, water and whatever seasonings they felt needed to be added. 

Soon enough us girls would be coaxed into sticking our little hands filled with stuffing into that cold cavity.  I remember how absolutely gross it was as a little girl. I knew it would end up being wonderful, but that was not my favorite part of the day. 

Over the course of the morning any remaining sides and pies that hadn't been made the day before would magically start to appear.  Platters of olives, pickles, cheeses and crackers.  

As the anticipation of the Macy's Day Parade would grow like wild fire.  No matter where we lived we could always count on the parade and Santa kicking off the Christmas season. 

This morning I am wondering what a television only Macy's Day Parade would even look like.  I am in mourning for all that has been lost. I think I will skip it, I looked at the previews, I do not care about the commercialism that is left. I long for the marching bands full of kids that have worked so hard for that place of honor, the delight on the faces of the people bundled up and watching in awe.  The moment that Santa arrives, the sounds of joy and the laughter.  For me... I can definitely live without a stream of over-sized balloons hyping the latest toys and video games. 

We can't even go to our own Thanksgiving Day parade - as they are proudly boasting it will be a virtual hour long television special. No thanks.  The excitement of the moment, bundling up against the cold, maybe taking a thermos of spiked coffee and sitting with loved ones.  Enjoying the energy of the day and being together. 

So much has slowly changed over the years.  

Our boy and his girl got their Thanksgiving dinner delivered over the last few days.  It makes me beyond happy to know he will have his turkey, ham, cranberry sauce and Hawaiian rolls.  That is all he ever eats for the holiday.  His girl will make a few more sides that will suit her just fine.  I know their tree is already up because he sent me a picture the day it arrived. 

Soon my girl will be awake, for the first year she won't be cooking a huge feast today.  We are all going to celebrate with Hub's oldest girl for dinner.  

Last year at this time I was standing outside in a cold drizzle with my sister and her friend getting ready to step off on my first ever Turkey Trot.  It was so much fun, I was in good shape and looking forward to the long version.  Hmmm... hindsight being 20/20, probably should have done the short one, who knew Little Rock had so much hilly terrain? I won't be doing a trot this year - even if I could find a live one.  My knee is still ticked off at me from last year.  It was so much fun.  We were cold, wet and worn when we finished, but it was so worth it! 

Soon I will make the pies, pop the mixing bowl in the freezer and get ready for the day. But for now, I am lost in memories. 

Getting out the china, setting the table just so.  Always showered and in our Sunday best. Carrying dishes to the dining rooms of yesterday.  Dad is watching us from above, all of us have raised our own families and every year we are creating new twists on the old traditions.  Striving to make them work in this strange new world in which we now reside. 

My heart knows that this is simply a season in time.  I feel strongly we will once again gather, celebrate and rejoice with loved ones.  But I definitely believe it will never be the way it had been.  I still stand firmly that we are never going back to the way it was.  

I personally believe we are going forward to something full of love, personal power, and with a sense of gratitude and love that has been missing for far too long. I know personally I will cherish the ability to spend time with my loved ones, family and friends.  To feel the love coming from a true hug.  To sit with those I have missed for far too long and be filled with joy and gratitude at the most mundane chatter, simply because I can. 

I still long for those long, lazy days that were the start of the holiday season for me.  The frantic preparation of a meal that would leave everyone regretting that last wonderful bite, followed by a lazy food coma.  I miss the excitement of pleading with Dad (he was always the hold out) to decorate the house for Christmas on the day after Thanksgiving. I didn't know what Black Friday was until my late 30's.  It simply wasn't a thing for us.  

We looked forward to the start of the Christmas markets. Hot chestnuts fresh from the roaster, stinging my fingers as I peeled the first few, because patience is a virtue I don't always have. The hot gluhwein, steaming in the treasured little mugs, although I admit the last few years I fell in love with the Feuerzangenbowle at the Frankfurt market.  That rum soaked sugar dripping from the fire into the mulled wine was incredible. Definitely not a drink I can make at home. The little shacks filled with treasures, the smell of the wood burners making keepsakes, the glitter and twinkle of ornaments.  Candy shops filled with lebkuchen and iced treats, nuts of all kinds being roasted.  Oh the memories.

Tonight I will roast chestnuts - although not the same as fresh from the roaster, and I will warm a cup of gluhwein.  I will officially turn on my Christmas music (we all know that I listen to it year round - so...) and I will savor my absolute favorite time of the year. I will celebrate family and friends.  I might even spend a few hours writing out Christmas cards.  Dust off an old tradition, that this mailphobic crazed person has been avoiding. Goodness knows I've bought many that I haven't mailed over the years. 

But for now, there are pies to bake, memories waiting to be made. 

A few more moments in front of the fire, a few more sips of coffee. 

Don't let restrictions, fear, disagreements and all the rest of the crap 2020 tried to use to break our hearts work.  Find a way to reach out, find that moment to say I love you and I am grateful that you are in my life.  Share laughter, smiles and love. 

Enjoy this day and all that follow.  

transforming...

I've always been fascinated with rocks and crystals.  Ever since I was a little girl.  I remember having one of those rock tumbling kits made for kids... I vaguely remember it, what I remember is that it didn't work well. 

My sisters have a very different memory. Evidently it was loud, annoying and they hated it. How do I not remember that part?  Actually whenever I am with my sisters I am reminded of so many things that I simply cannot remember.

Well Hubs decided that I needed a real tumbler.  So he decided to start giving gifts for the 4th of July. Never thought of Independence day as an opportunity to give gifts, but sweet Hubs has decided that it does.

My cheap heart would sigh, it would be frustrated that he is wasting money on me.  Except... I'm still fascinated with rocks and crystals. I might even be addicted to them.  If we go to a store that has semi-precious stones and crystals, you will always find me running my fingers through them marveling at their beauty and feeling the energy that radiates from them.

Saturday night, we put the first batch into the tumbler, beautiful raw semi-precious stones.  They are rough and raw right now. Full of sharp, jagged edges and dull colors.  An assortment of shapes, sizes, and beautiful colors. Amethyst, Laboradorite, Septatarian, Rose Quartz, Green Opal, Girasol Opals, Desert Jasper, Blue Apatite, Red Jasper and Petrified Wood.  All rough, raw, jagged.

It's going to take weeks.  At least that is what the directions say.  Hubs and I get the joy of opening the tumbler once a day. You have to let naturally occurring gasses out every day.  So each evening we will take a peak at our collection.

I guess I should have waited until the second batch to process some of my favorites, but my patience was not going to wait that long.  I put some of my favorites into the first batch.  They were simply too pretty.  I couldn't wait.

Now that the stones are tumbling, it's time to get the beautiful wires that are going to wrap gently around them as I turn them into beautiful necklaces.  Who knows I might even learn to turn them into bracelets. It's a journey that is just beginning.

Because I simply needed another hobby that I have limited time to pursue.  Ahhh... who cares, it involves beautiful semi-precious stones and crystals.  Just the opportunity to watch them transform.

Transformation.

I feel like everything around me is transforming.  It's an internal and external thing right now.  I spend a lot of time watching.  I'm watching people and things changing all around me.

I'm changing.

Just like I don't know the outcome of those beautiful rocks, although I will treasure peeking through the murky water to see the beauty that is emerging. I don't know what the outcome will be for me either.

We are all transforming and each of us is on a different path. It would incredible if we could do a daily check in and see where we all are.  But sadly, I feel humans change at a much slower rate.  We go through the same poundings.  Life is tossing us around and beating us up.  Just like my beautiful rocks.  We aren't in a tumbler moving at an accelerated speed.  The changes don't happen over night.  And the older we get the slower the changes appear to happen.

There is so much going on right now, everywhere. 

And a large part of me is starting to wonder if we haven't somehow managed to be put in a tumbler.  Like some force that we can see is exerting more pressure.  Pushing harder at the seams. Things that used to take forever and were barely noticeable are now constantly front and center.  We are all running faster and faster.

On the news this morning they were talking about the work force.  Talking about how the young people are delaying longer going to work and the older folks are working basically until they wear themselves out.  How did that happen? It sounds like retirement is being enjoyed before earning. 

It struck me as so bizarre.  Have we taken the art of spoiling our children to a whole new level?  I know so many college grads that are not working.  They are taking time to find themselves (wasn't that the point of college?) and working in the food industries is simply beneath them and their multiple degrees. 

I am not sure how we have reached this point.  The struggles are becoming more pronounced. 

Who knows maybe we truly are in a giant tumbler.  It might not look like a little canister that is designed to simply shake us around with varying amounts of grit.  But then again... it's possible that each level we endure and survive takes us that much closer to the beautiful polished humans that we were meant to be all along.

I don't think it's a physical beauty.  I think it is an internal one.  The wrinkles and wisdom that we acquire as we travel our paths. The silvery white strands of hair and the gentle softness our skin takes on.

I don't know, but I do know I cannot wait to see the outcome of those rocks in the tumbler.  In just one day so many of the jagged edges have smoothed.  There are vibrant bits of color already peeking through.  I can see several of them becoming beautiful necklaces that I will not part with.  My imagination is running wild.

In the meantime, I will continue on, so much like life.  Checking in, making sure things stay balanced and ironically hydrated.

Another week starts....

being...

The peaceful days between Christmas and New Years are probably my favorite.  It's a time to relax and just unwind.  To enjoy the beauty of simply being.

When I switched Y's a few months ago one of my dearest friends gave me a candle and a small poster - it hangs where I can see it every day... it reminds me that we are not human doings we are human beings. That simply line has been a beacon for me this year, I just didn't know it at the time.

Hubs got me a new Chromebook for Christmas - it has tons of neat features, probably the best is that I can turn it into a full screen for watching video or make it into a tablet.  Initially I was upset.  I am on a journey to more me time and my brain freaked out - I immediately went down the path of work.  I didn't want to go there.  So I didn't.  I am refusing to even open my work email on my precious Chromebook.  It is strictly for me. For my journey.  I have a work laptop, it is with me most of the time.  This is for me.

Sitting here listening to my wind chimes and enjoying the mix of my candles, Christmas lights, and Dad's globe, I feel peaceful.  I don't feel hurried or rushed, I simply feel peace.

I have been craving peace for quite some time without truly realizing it. I don't think my mind made the connection between the things I was doing and searching for even if my heart and sub-conscious self had. As I have been scrambling for time to do the things that center me, that calm me, and feeling more frantic by the moment, my heart was trying to make my over busy mind slow down. To take stock of where I needed to be.

I am a human being.  I will only get one chance to live this life, and frankly I want to live it on my terms. Hubs and I have both said many times lately "remember when we could afford this", "remember how we used to spend our time", "remember making all of our gifts at Christmas"... the list has gotten rather long and distinguished.

Those of you that read my blog know that I have been neglecting it.  Along with most everything important to me as a person for far too long.  I've toyed with tucking it away with the rest of my untouched treasures and joys.  In fact I have almost stopped completely numerous times.  I have simply felt too overwhelmed with life. Too twisted up in the external that I completely ignored the internal.

This "vacation" has been what I needed.  For the first time in a very long time I feel calm and centered.  A holiday season that I was dreading has been almost life giving.  Hubs and I have completely thrown all of our traditions in the air like confetti and simply been.

We split up the gifting time with our children to work around their scheduled trip, tomorrow will find the joy of Christmas morning returning to our home, and our daughter's.  As we will celebrate once again upon their return.

We chose to celebrate our Christmas on the 24th, so that we had a time for just us.  To share the treasures that we had carefully selected and wrapped for each other.  In our comfy pj's, sipping our coffee and enjoying the fire in the fireplace.  It was beautiful.

Then we packed up our little car - loaded to the absolute edges - added our precious fur babies and headed "home" for Christmas.  I'm not from Arkansas, it has never been my home.  But it is where my Mom is... so it is home!  Such a joyous time. I missed my baby sister and her family, but truly enjoyed the time spent with my other two sisters and the kids that came.  My nephew always manages to show up when I go home.  I cherish that.  He has held my heart strong since he was a little guy, he radiates love and one of his hugs will hold you for a year or more.  I delighted in giving his boys their gifts and they definitely were the life of the party as they enjoyed them.

Tomorrow we will start again.  The kids will be home by the afternoon.  I am sure they will be exhausted. But they will be home! I've missed them something terrible.  And Facebook has been a blessing and a curse all at once.  Seeing them enjoying themselves has been bittersweet.  I want them to have an amazing time with their Dad, I want them to enjoy life to the fullest, but the childish side of me wants them here with me.  The baby sister and family will join us tomorrow.  The third sister and family will too.  Both of the grandson's will be present and it will be a time of love and joy.  It isn't about the gifts. It's about being present.

I've deliberately focused on hearth and home.  I've been creating the life I have been pushing aside.  I've been bringing back those "remember when" moments.

When I selected gifts this year, with care and love, I inadvertently selected hygge gifts for most everyone. Things that would provide something more to life than clutter and stuff.  Needed items, things to occupy the hours and hands and fill the heart calm.

The more I learn about hygge (hoo ga) the more I realize that it has always been a part of who I am at my very core.  I just didn't realize it.  I am not done with that journey, I need to dive in deeper.  I need to bring more of it back to who I am and where I am needing to go.  It's more than comfy woolen socks or a marketing ploy - which I have noticed some of the businesses are trying to make it.  It's far deeper than anything that money can buy.  In fact, it's not about money at all.

I feel 2019 is going to be an incredible year.  I like the path my heart is leading me to follow.  For weeks now I have been creating again.  I haven't spent every waking hour consumed by work, I can't do that any longer.  I've been creating soft spaces, I'm starting to cook again, I'm watching shows with my sweet Hubs and I'm excited for long walks in the crisp air with him.

I think I have finally found my personal path to balance.  I feel like I am going in the right direction.  I am learning things that bring me joy.  I am surrounding myself with energy enhancing people and experiences. I am getting back to who I am at my center.

I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions - I feel they set you up for failure and disappointment.  Another friend asked about New Years Intentions - I felt I liked that more, but I feel that personally, I will use my new year as a chance to reset.  This time away has been just what the doctor ordered.  My headaches are fading, and while the muscle pain is still pretty strong - it is mellowing.

Candles, fireplaces, soft woolen threads and wooden needles. Calm, family, friends, quiet and more.  This journey of mine finally feels right.

I am challenging everyone I know to light the candles, read the books, lounge around in your cozy pj's or sweats or whatever makes you happy.  Create if your soul calls for it, enjoy family and friends without the phone or device in your hands.  Laugh and make make memories, and hold on tight to those "remember when" moments, while making even more of them each day. Cook dinner at home, listen with your heart and simply be present in life. We are all human BEINGS - we do best when we are being.

Now keep it going....