as sixty starts...

I'm often in awe of how quickly time seems to be rushing past. This morning sitting on the deck, in the midst of the garden I felt inspired to write. Nothing special, simply drawn into the day, the moment, the peace surrounding me.  Somehow since the last time I sat down, I have managed to start not only a new year, but a new decade. Somewhere in this short time span it feels like so much has shifted.  

The past two days I was bone weary, I just didn't want to do anything.  Today, with the sun shining and loads of energy, I have been busy in the gardens.  Harvesting not only beautiful ripe vegetables, but the seeds that will provide the next seasons bounty.  If you've never harvested radish seeds, it's quite a time consuming experience.  And I admit, I am very thankful to be finished for the season.  This year didn't provide as many seeds as last, but it provided more radishes, give and take right?

I'm feeling a strange sense of detachment and peace all rolled into one.  I am spending time with people that fill my bucket and I pray I am filling theirs as well.  Hours have vanished in silence while painting, quilting and just living a creative life.  Time has been so fluid. 

As I am moving into this final chapter of my life, because lets be real, when you turn 60, there are definitely far more years behind you than there are ahead of you, I feel peace. 

It's strange.  I love my life, I am blessed to have a husband that provides me the ability to chase my dreams, garden and care for him, my home, my pups and the family as a whole.  I am not forced to choose between a career that I loathed and a family I love.  I never wanted a career at least not a conventional one. I have forever wanted to be just what I am a homemaker. 

At the moment I'm waiting for the final section of the yard to have it's morning drink and then I will head up to my sewing studio.  I have a list of projects that I am intent on finishing this year.  Or at least making a big dent in.  My creative eyes might be stronger than my actual ones. 

I'm starting off this year dealing with a challenge in my vision, a challenge that I have complete faith will resolve (hopefully on it's own - without medical intervention).  It's creating a few speed bumps, but nothing I can't or won't deal with. Mostly just super frustrating at this point. 

As I deal with the current slow downs, I have fallen in love with planting zinnias.  How have I missed these beauties all of my life? I am gathering their seed heads for next years garden at an alarming rate, I might not have any grass next year, just so I can enjoy the beauty of the flowers. The butterfly's, bees and hummingbirds are in heaven also.  Watching them flit from flower to flower in my massive mess of a flower garden is like a salve to my very soul.  If you want any seeds for your own garden, let me know, I will be happy to share the beauty.

The world doesn't seem to be getting calmer, in fact it seems even more self centered and chaotic.  It's a place I am actively refusing to allow into my personal bubble.  Even when forced to participate in the world, I find myself backing away from most folks.  Anger, aggravation and frustration seems to radiate from some people.  I would hate to be that mad at life. As I pull back from those people, I am finding more and more friendly, loving and caring people entering my life circle. 

People that care about those around them.  People that want to take a moment to walk through some of the crazy things that I do.  People that don't look at me like I am crazy as I hand them an herbal salve to heal a wound or offer them bounty from my garden. People that are in the same place I am, learning that not everything we've been told is really meant for our best purpose.  The ones like myself that are chasing natural solutions to things, that want to heal the planet and our very selves.  

Hubs has always said I am a hippie that doesn't do drugs.  Many times I questioned if that was a complement or not.  All the while knowing that I was the little girl that 100% dreamt of growing up and being part of a commune of people supporting one another.  Engulfed in a natural world.  He must not mind my crazy because we also somehow managed to celebrate 22 wonderful years together in the past month also!

Here I am starting my sixties allowed to be that person.  No, I'm not selling my house and moving to a commune, I'm not that people friendly anymore.  Yet, as my graying hair creeps further down my back, tied in a bun during the day and I look in a mirror and realize that I might have actually forgotten how to wear make up, I am more than okay with it.  I realize my life is finally what I dreamt. When I slip on the long dresses that I love, slide my feet into my birks and get ready to start the day, I seem to just know I've arrived. 

My days are filled with the strangeness that I have forever longed for. I have freedom to create in more ways than I can even begin to acknowledge, yet most of it always benefits others at the same time as it is filling my own spirit with contentment.  If I lived in the woods, I'd probably have folks thinking I'm the crazy slightly off lady at the end of the road, but since I actually live in a nice suburban subdivision, I'm just the weirdo that won't poison her lawn and spends hours creating.  I can live with either description.  I have finally started the life I was always meant to live.  

Who wants to settle in with a cup of dandelion tea and discuss gardens, sewing, cooking, herbal remedies and natural solutions, heck the list is endless?  One of my sweet friends got me a new teapot for my birthday and I am always ready to make a pot of tea and settle in for a meaningful conversation or activity. 

Well, watering is done, the pups want a quick outside break before the heat of the day and it's time to get busy... 

much love,

b

questioning norms...

The wind chimes are going absolutely nuts this morning, the trees are bending and bowing in the wind, and there are almost no leaves left on them, except for the stubborn ones that hold on until almost January.  I can see the lights over on our daughter's street from my comfy chair.  It feels like winter is getting ready to make it's appearance known.  There will be a few more warm days.  They are popping in and out as a reminder that winter hasn't officially arrived yet. 

I have a bit more unpacking from our trip to take care of today and then I am ready to tackle the world.  Or at least my small part of it.  I need to shift gears and start wrapping and labeling gifts, I need to start packing the boxes that need to be mailed.  The mail service is so spotty lately that I am afraid their gifts won't arrive to put under their trees if I don't get them out soon. 

I'm fighting a strong urge to slow down, to not push as hard as normal. 

I have seen a few things lately that address the strong human need to hibernate in the winter, just like all of the other animals do.  I get it.  As the leaves fall, the winds start to roar and the temperatures drop, I long to simply slow down.  I never really connected the two before.  I just feel at a very core level that this is the time to slow.  To rest. To rejuvenate.  It makes complete sense. As the longer nights beacon us to rest, we humans have been conditioned to push through.  To just keep going.  Instead of hearing the very primal call of Mother Nature.  

I've been pondering a lot about the things that we have been programmed to fight against almost since birth. We fight our circadian rhythms non-stop almost from the time we are born.  We give babies a bit of grace, but immediately push them to start sleeping through the night.  I wonder how different we would be if we truly gave into our own nature driven circadian cycle.  Our kids are all grown, and now that I don't have an alarm waking me, I find I have shifted even more in how I naturally sleep and exist. 

Here's the thing, I am calmer, I have very little stress.  And the lack of stress isn't because there is nothing to worry about, there still are many things to worry over.  I simply don't find myself reacting to those things in the same manner.  There are many times that I don't sleep as much as I used to, but I am far more rested and alert.  I have a greater ability to cope with life. 

I rarely do anything now that my body isn't simply asking for.  Hubs still wants to eat at the prescribed times.  I don't often do that.  I will fix his meals, but I won't personally eat until I am actually hungry.  If I am tired at six at night, I crawl into bed without the slightest bit of guilt or regret.  And if I wake up at three in the morning, and feel I cannot go back to sleep, I don't.  I get up, I do things and if I get tired again, I sleep.  If I don't, then I don't. 

I am learning to reset myself into my own circadian rhythm.  And the change in me as a person is profound.  I can't help but wonder, if we got rid of clocks and everyone was able to naturally adjust to their personal internal clock if society as a whole would be far better off.  Morning people, would still be morning people, night people would be night people.  But people as a whole would be better adjusted, more balanced and in far better moods. 

I don't think the rigid structure that we have pushed society into is beneficial to anyone. Look at our children they are waking at stupid early hours to go and sit in a box all day.  Is that truly helping them to learn?  Or are they memorizing and being brainwashed.  Because they are tired and weary, not bright and inquisitive? Do they follow things they are passionate about, allowed to use their imaginations and explore the world around them?  Can they do that in their little sterile boxes? Are they even awake and alert enough to absorb, comprehend and question the information or is that the idea in the first place? Children need more sleep, yet we force them to get less, why?  What is the benefit?

I'm a long way past school age, but the classes I remember were tactile, hands on, ones that involved field trips to explore the topics we were learning about. Ones where I learned useful information. I have never stopped learning and growing my own knowledge base.  It is eclectic and vast.  If something intrigues me, I will jump feet first into it, learning everything I can, like a sponge soaking up a spill.  I will continue to explore it, to delve into the nuts and bolts of it.  

If something bores me, I will walk away.  Maybe not physically, but mentally.  I remember not to long ago being required to participate in things that to me didn't feel designed to teach, but to program, to create a desired response and action.  I can tell you, my brain shut down hard.  I tuned it out.  I simply went through the motions. And if I was tired because it fell during the time of the day that I struggle with... well then it was a completely lost cause.  And if you were to go through my piles of old papers you would see massive amounts of doodling and drawing.  I had checked out.  I was done. 

I question if the whole point of the structure that we find ourselves living in isn't to stifle our inquisitive nature, if it isn't to block the natural flow and make us far more compliant.  When worn and out of sorts we often become malleable, we tune out.  We no longer seem to question or explore we simply exist.

I know... serious rabbit hole here... welcome to some of the crazy things that occur to me now that I have time to think and pursue a life that brings me joy and fulfillment.  I often find myself questioning many things and exploring with a childlike wonder the environment around me.  

Have you ever watched a youth soccer game?  Do you remember the kiddo that is supposed to be goalie or part of the defense when the other team is controlling the ball at the far end of the field?  Do you remember seeing them looking at the flowers, the clovers, maybe the ants crawling through the grass unaware that there is anything going on around them?  Or maybe they are gazing at the clouds looking for shapes and birds?  That is how I feel.  I am that child.  I am aware that there is an entire world swirling around me, I am also aware that I am still a part of it, but I am off staring at the world around me with fresh and different eyes. 

I wish I could draw everyone around me into this experience.  I still want to be a productive part of our society, I want to experience abundance.  But I also want to be a part of a better society.  One that thinks, one that questions, one that understands our deep connection with nature and works in the natural world, not fighting against it. I simply don't want to be programmed any longer.  

Okay... this woman evidently needs to go and just enjoy her fire, hot coffee and listen to her wind chimes.  Maybe just watch the beauty unfolding around me as the sun breaks over the horizon.  I am not so sure that today is a day that will find me fitting in nicely with the path of society. 

love and peace...