questioning norms...

The wind chimes are going absolutely nuts this morning, the trees are bending and bowing in the wind, and there are almost no leaves left on them, except for the stubborn ones that hold on until almost January.  I can see the lights over on our daughter's street from my comfy chair.  It feels like winter is getting ready to make it's appearance known.  There will be a few more warm days.  They are popping in and out as a reminder that winter hasn't officially arrived yet. 

I have a bit more unpacking from our trip to take care of today and then I am ready to tackle the world.  Or at least my small part of it.  I need to shift gears and start wrapping and labeling gifts, I need to start packing the boxes that need to be mailed.  The mail service is so spotty lately that I am afraid their gifts won't arrive to put under their trees if I don't get them out soon. 

I'm fighting a strong urge to slow down, to not push as hard as normal. 

I have seen a few things lately that address the strong human need to hibernate in the winter, just like all of the other animals do.  I get it.  As the leaves fall, the winds start to roar and the temperatures drop, I long to simply slow down.  I never really connected the two before.  I just feel at a very core level that this is the time to slow.  To rest. To rejuvenate.  It makes complete sense. As the longer nights beacon us to rest, we humans have been conditioned to push through.  To just keep going.  Instead of hearing the very primal call of Mother Nature.  

I've been pondering a lot about the things that we have been programmed to fight against almost since birth. We fight our circadian rhythms non-stop almost from the time we are born.  We give babies a bit of grace, but immediately push them to start sleeping through the night.  I wonder how different we would be if we truly gave into our own nature driven circadian cycle.  Our kids are all grown, and now that I don't have an alarm waking me, I find I have shifted even more in how I naturally sleep and exist. 

Here's the thing, I am calmer, I have very little stress.  And the lack of stress isn't because there is nothing to worry about, there still are many things to worry over.  I simply don't find myself reacting to those things in the same manner.  There are many times that I don't sleep as much as I used to, but I am far more rested and alert.  I have a greater ability to cope with life. 

I rarely do anything now that my body isn't simply asking for.  Hubs still wants to eat at the prescribed times.  I don't often do that.  I will fix his meals, but I won't personally eat until I am actually hungry.  If I am tired at six at night, I crawl into bed without the slightest bit of guilt or regret.  And if I wake up at three in the morning, and feel I cannot go back to sleep, I don't.  I get up, I do things and if I get tired again, I sleep.  If I don't, then I don't. 

I am learning to reset myself into my own circadian rhythm.  And the change in me as a person is profound.  I can't help but wonder, if we got rid of clocks and everyone was able to naturally adjust to their personal internal clock if society as a whole would be far better off.  Morning people, would still be morning people, night people would be night people.  But people as a whole would be better adjusted, more balanced and in far better moods. 

I don't think the rigid structure that we have pushed society into is beneficial to anyone. Look at our children they are waking at stupid early hours to go and sit in a box all day.  Is that truly helping them to learn?  Or are they memorizing and being brainwashed.  Because they are tired and weary, not bright and inquisitive? Do they follow things they are passionate about, allowed to use their imaginations and explore the world around them?  Can they do that in their little sterile boxes? Are they even awake and alert enough to absorb, comprehend and question the information or is that the idea in the first place? Children need more sleep, yet we force them to get less, why?  What is the benefit?

I'm a long way past school age, but the classes I remember were tactile, hands on, ones that involved field trips to explore the topics we were learning about. Ones where I learned useful information. I have never stopped learning and growing my own knowledge base.  It is eclectic and vast.  If something intrigues me, I will jump feet first into it, learning everything I can, like a sponge soaking up a spill.  I will continue to explore it, to delve into the nuts and bolts of it.  

If something bores me, I will walk away.  Maybe not physically, but mentally.  I remember not to long ago being required to participate in things that to me didn't feel designed to teach, but to program, to create a desired response and action.  I can tell you, my brain shut down hard.  I tuned it out.  I simply went through the motions. And if I was tired because it fell during the time of the day that I struggle with... well then it was a completely lost cause.  And if you were to go through my piles of old papers you would see massive amounts of doodling and drawing.  I had checked out.  I was done. 

I question if the whole point of the structure that we find ourselves living in isn't to stifle our inquisitive nature, if it isn't to block the natural flow and make us far more compliant.  When worn and out of sorts we often become malleable, we tune out.  We no longer seem to question or explore we simply exist.

I know... serious rabbit hole here... welcome to some of the crazy things that occur to me now that I have time to think and pursue a life that brings me joy and fulfillment.  I often find myself questioning many things and exploring with a childlike wonder the environment around me.  

Have you ever watched a youth soccer game?  Do you remember the kiddo that is supposed to be goalie or part of the defense when the other team is controlling the ball at the far end of the field?  Do you remember seeing them looking at the flowers, the clovers, maybe the ants crawling through the grass unaware that there is anything going on around them?  Or maybe they are gazing at the clouds looking for shapes and birds?  That is how I feel.  I am that child.  I am aware that there is an entire world swirling around me, I am also aware that I am still a part of it, but I am off staring at the world around me with fresh and different eyes. 

I wish I could draw everyone around me into this experience.  I still want to be a productive part of our society, I want to experience abundance.  But I also want to be a part of a better society.  One that thinks, one that questions, one that understands our deep connection with nature and works in the natural world, not fighting against it. I simply don't want to be programmed any longer.  

Okay... this woman evidently needs to go and just enjoy her fire, hot coffee and listen to her wind chimes.  Maybe just watch the beauty unfolding around me as the sun breaks over the horizon.  I am not so sure that today is a day that will find me fitting in nicely with the path of society. 

love and peace...