Yesterday was so unbelievably busy, I don't think my fingers stopped except for the snippet of time I stole to cook. It was so productive. Today I am going to find a space to take photos of all of the things created, so that I can use them on my website (yes the one I started months ago that hasn't gone live yet....). And then, it's wrapping paper central. I am not a fan of wrapping gifts, no let me rephrase that, I don't like spending hours wrapping gifts, so a few at a time is okay. I will also admit, I am a huge fan of printed boxes and bags with tissue paper. I know that seems a bit lazy, but with the hours that have gone into creating, it seems a bit anticlimactic.
While I was working yesterday, I was listening to some podcasts, it helps me pass the time. One in particular was talking about the upcoming year and what kind of things were you going to work on doing more of and what were you going to release because it no longer served you.
It really resonated with me.
This year has been an interesting one to say the least and while it was full of challenges, I can't honestly say that any of those challenges did not lead to a more fulfilling life for me. And consider the coming year in that manner was interesting. I don't usually look at things from that perspective. Although this year has taught me that letting go is vital to healing. I don't know that I often consider the very act of intentionally letting go of things.
My fingers were flying through the yarn, working on the project before me as I absorbed the ideas and the thoughts presented. I process things better when my hands are busy and it had me thinking what kind of things do I still need to release?
So far in 2021 I have released a career that didn't serve me, a car, a knee that caused pain, I had released the idea that working myself like a machine was a good thing, and I have started releasing the ownership of so much stuff.
I mean I cleaned out a full pick up bed full of clothing, purses and some shoes - yet I look our closets and they are still packed to bursting. Hubs and I definitely did not follow the one new thing in, one old thing out theory, we just bought more hangers. We could almost star in an episode of Hoarders in the clothing department. After the holidays I plan to do a deeper cleaning out of things that no longer work for us. Holding on to something simply because I might wear it again for an event some day is silly. As I work through the process, only the classic styles are going to remain. Things that are high quality and won't end up looking dated. Not that I follow styles at all, because I don't and couldn't tell you what is "in" if I tried. My actual final goal is more of a pocket wardrobe.
Then I started wondering about the intangibles. Those things that we cannot hold in our hands, but more so hold in our hearts and minds.
Things like thoughts of inadequacies or discomfort about ourselves. For example, I remember at the beginning of the year I was completely wrapped up in my hair falling out, it was devastating. On a lot of levels, I felt that I was losing the one thing that was beautiful about me. I have always loved my hair and my smile. The rest of it was bah humbug ordinary. The handfuls of hair that fell constantly felt like I was losing who I was, I truly was crushed. I could only focus on that loss.
It wasn't until I decided oh well, if it all falls out I am going to rock some gypsy style scarfs and break out my huge hoop earrings that I started to be okay. And now six months later, I have a head full of wispy fuzzy gray hair that shines like a halo most of the time. I don't fight it, I celebrate it. I even laugh at the ones that look like tiny bangs trying to take over the show. But I had to let go of that identity issue. So that I could emotionally heal from it. It didn't define me, and I was yet again allowing my perception of what others would think dictate my feelings.
This year has been a series of ego deaths for me. So much of who I thought I was was stripped away and destroyed. Things that defined who I was have been removed and the things that I am discovering bring me joy and happiness.
I am finding a person that is far less connected to my perception of others expectations, tangible things, and staying in situations that cause negative feelings. I am okay with saying things don't serve me or I do not wish to participate in something simply because it is expected. I am okay with "no".
As I am starting to wrap up this season of life and starting to focus on the hibernation period that winter brings I am really processing what I want to grow and develop. I am not through releasing things, I just feel that I have a pretty darn good grasp on that process. I feel that I have just spent a year learning to let go and it's been so incredible and healing! I feel much better prepared to start growing. I want to expand on the person that I have discovered this year. I want to spend time exploring the things that truly matter in who I wish to be.
I am feeling drawn to being a more holistic person, focusing on my mental, spiritual and physical health is a strong one for me. This path is far more expansive than I ever realized, there is much to explore, to learn to develop.
I am a creative person. I thrive when I am creating the things I need for my life. I am going to be focusing in on learning new skills and perfecting the ones I have developed over the years. Even making the projects that I have been focused on I am seeing a difference in the things I am creating.
The outlines are still being drawn, I feel strongly that the path needs to be led from my heart, I also feel it is an evolving path that will have lots of twists and turns and I travel it. I am striving to be who I am here to be, not who others define me to be. My bullheaded nature is becoming strong, protective, it is telling me it is okay to be that odd little gray haired woman.
The one that studies strange things like astrology, the planets, herbs and their uses, that learns natural ways to grow a garden that will provide not only beauty but bounty. The woman that gets lost in the act of creating and learning. The one that wants to explore all of the simpler things that this beautiful planet has laid out for us. It is really okay to wrap myself up in the physical world and stop being of this modern world.
And if others don't like it... so be it. Taurus is going to be strong for us in the coming months, it beacons us back to simpler times. Like this gal needs an excuse or any help right? I feel the pull of it's energy hard enough already.
So... as we move into this new year, as we get ready for hibernation time, for that time of going inward what are you going to let go of? What are you going to dig deeper and grow stronger in? I'm dying to know...
love and peace...
Good one! 381+
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