no rest for the weary...

What a busy morning.  Our sweet little boy decided he needed to potty at 4 am, and that was when the fun started today. Hubs is trying to steal some more sleep in the basement, and they finally crashed about 530ish.  I thought about going back to sleep, I truly did, but I was already on my second cup of coffee at that point.  So while they've slept, I made the crackers for tonight's' dinner. 

I can hear that sweet little boy stirring, sister is out like the world has moved on without her, so I am hoping he will snooze a bit longer.  I didn't get around to rearranging the living room like I had planned yesterday, so when they are awake there is absolutely zero rest.  

I'm tired, but I am absolutely loving these little bundles of energy.  They are bringing me joy I hadn't imagined.  Not to mention they are forcing me to move my knee - alot - two hours into the day and I haven't even left the house and already have over 1000 steps.  Rarely do I get a reminder to move anymore. I've got this covered. 

As we are rushing into the last days of the year, I am so thankful for this year.  I know it's an odd statement and it definitely might show a bit of insanity on my part, especially after the way this year has unfolded. So much has happened.  There have been so many things that could have been perceived as horrible or even stopping points.  Yet, they have simply been detours.  I feel like life is forcing me to go the way I was supposed to go. 

I guess if I had looked at all of those road blocks as something horrible, or tried to force myself back onto the path I was on I might view everything differently. I haven't tried to force anything this year.  I've tried to just be still and let things happen, tried to understand the reasoning behind it all and let myself stay peaceful. 

Some of it has been absolutely yuck, it has hurt my heart and made me cry in all honesty.  But as I stood in the kitchen this morning working on the crackers for dinner I felt such gratitude.  I treasure doing for my family and once again I can.  I can take puppies to see the youngest grand-daughter when she calls, I can make a last minute dinner for friends without being stressed.  I am living my life in a place of love, joy and acceptance.  

I am not fighting anything. Except my own human urge to control things.  That is the hardest part.  I am doing my best to understand everything and why it is happening the way it is, but I am also trying even harder to allow it all to happen the way that it is happening.

I struggle with the loses, but mine have been minor compared to others. Early in the year I had a reading in Paducah, I have the worst memory in the world, but I remember that reading.  I remember being told to focus on the flow, to accept things as they happen.  To remember and know that things would be okay, even when it felt like they wouldn't be okay. I was also told that I would either slow down on my own, or the universe would keep slowing me down. This was after I was so sick in January, I evidently didn't listen well, because I sure got slowed down even more. 

I needed to hear that message at that time, I needed to be ready. 

As we wrap up this year, I don't know that the me of a few years back would have been able to handle things.  I think I would have pushed and fought my way through to the forward I believed was for me.  The me that is looking forward to 2022, can see things a bit differently.  It's just a flipping of a calendar, a changing of a time construct made by man.  Things are going to continue the way they are meant to continue. I am focusing more on the seasons and the changes as nature intended them to be.  I am focusing on going with the flow. 

I was just listening to the news with Hubs and the "reporters" were saying that we shouldn't make new years resolutions because we simply won't be able to keep them.  I don't make them, but not for their reasons, in fact their reasons would only encourage me to succeed simply because they said I can't.  I sadly have to agree that focusing on happiness and mindfulness are much better for us.  Again, not for their reasons, but because it is important for our growth and happiness.  And that isn't something that one should wait on, on set a resolution to complete.  I despise the media.  

Well, my sweet babies are awake, chewing happily on their teethers and ready to rumble again - or at least Beau is, Belle is trying to convince him it's snuggle and sleeping time. Will I get to finish tasks or will I supervise the chaos?  Time will tell...  

love and peace...