the real meaning?

Silence has once again been found, Belle has decided that lying quietly in the kennel chewing on her teething bone is not something to be distraught about.  Beau is pretty laid back, so he was okay with it. It's nap time, we've been going strong since 4 am.  Momma needs a break, my coffee is long since ice cold and I had not had enough sleep when they were ready to roll.  My fault, I put them to bed far too early.  My leg was aching yesterday and I was exhausted, so we went to bed early.  Note to self: tough it out moving forward.  Soon that 8 hour restful night will be the norm, not the unexpected surprise. 

I am slowly adjusting to this new lifestyle, the new routine is different, but definitely not bad.  They are so precious and they definitely keep one another entertained.  They also keep my hopping, literally, over puppies, toys, chasing, stopping, redirecting and of course feeding and potty breaks.  I wouldn't change it for the world, although I am considering some barricades in the house to make containment a bit easier while they are still small. 

Yesterday was a brutal reminder that I am still recovering from major surgery and that my poor knee did not have time to rest from our trip, I need to think this through a bit more. It's a learning curve. 

Over this holiday season, the one created by commercialism and the media, I noticed a lot of folks, myself included, making the comment that they could not get into the holiday spirit.  It has really been niggling at my mind and my heart.  The why of it.  

I struggled hard with so much of the "commercialism" and expectations this year. I got lost in the have to's and didn't want to do any of it. It felt forced, it felt unnatural. Yet as the holiday itself rolled around and I lost myself more in the flow of doing what was best for our family, I felt such joy and relaxation about it all.  I can't be the only one.  

I used to be that die hard, programmed person.  The tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving, the house and outside decorations completed and ready. Most of my gifts were bought and ready by the second week of December (wrapping was another story). Cookies, that would often remain uneaten, were baked by the dozens around the work week schedule. If any presents were opened early, it was just like when I was a little girl and it could be one from far away on Christmas eve along with our traditional Christmas eve pajamas.  And Christmas gifts (far too many and most of it unneeded) were opened in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Christmas dinner was prepared, almost a mirror image of the Thanksgiving feast, just slightly smaller.  And then on New Years Day the tree and trimmings came down and a complete cleaning of the house happened. That is simply how it all worked.  

Are the Christmas movies and shows simply to show us what we are supposed to do, because someone will financially benefit from it?  I long for the old holiday movies focused on treating one another good and spreading love and joy. Instead of the over the top productions that create a false sense of failure if you don't reach the benchmarks being set. 

Is that what I thought being in the Christmas spirit was? Slowly this has changed, evolved, and actually improved for us.  The first time my daughter asked us to switch I was mind boggled, I felt a shock to my life long habit.  Not that celebrating Christmas on a different day was a bad thing, the reason was solid.  Not all of her kids would be able to be home for Christmas day.  This year we switched it up again.  We moved it all a day earlier, the youngest was supposed to spend the holiday with her Daddy, but had a cough and stayed home. 

The strange thing about it was that those very changes made the holiday far more special.  We spent time with family in Alabama at the start of the month, opening gifts and enjoying each other.  Then we moved on to celebrating with family in Arkansas over the week before Christmas, again opening gifts and enjoying time together.  With the switch of the traditional day with the girls we also had time to spend with the rest of the family on Christmas day and we've moved on to celebrating with friends as we've moved into this week. The kids have been able to spend the time with more family and friends also, it has eliminated that feeling of not being there for everyone. 

I was so happy to find that useful gifts was a theme.  It wasn't about quantity, it was all about quality and usefulness (although my daughter went way overboard - I also understand her reasoning and I am very excited about her gift - feeling spoiled and like it was too much, but it will completely be used!). Each gift given and received had so much thoughtfulness and purpose behind it. 

Hubs only got me two impractical gifts, at least in the usefulness category, but my heart needed them more than I realized.  These puppies are filling a void I didn't realize I had. 

I guess what I am trying to say, is that breaking out of the traditional constructs of what this holiday has been created to be, has filled me with the true spirit of Christmas.  I have been doing so much research into this time of the year, the many layers that have all combined to create it. I am not finished looking into the history and traditions and I am sure that I will change my thoughts even more moving forward. 

I didn't spend a stupid amount of time decorating and found the most joy in the simplest of decorations.  There aren't a ton of lights, there is just enough to be festive and not overwhelming.  I kept myself true to my word and severely limited the shopping and made a gift for every person.  My heart soared with joy when my girl actually sent me a picture telling me she loved her hat and would take another in gray.  My nephew wore his to work, and families and friends have been sending me pictures of them wearing theirs.  

I didn't bake a stupid amount of cookies and all of them were grain and sugar free.  Since I don't have any left, I will say they were a hit.  I have spent more time with people doing simple things.  Browsing antique shops and thrift stores, searching for treasures, sitting around talking and crafting, watching movies and laughing.  Meals have been far more simple, more about nourishing the body and the heart. 

Is this lack or missing of Christmas spirit, really a reawakening of what it is truly about?  One of my dear friends gave me the greatest gift yesterday, and although I love the beautiful handmade glass ornament delivered in a handmade card,  that wasn't it.  It was the gift of his precious time!  We sat and chatted for just over an hour, sipping a glass of homemade bourbon cream and visiting.  It filled my heart to bursting.

We have plans with friends spread over the next few days, we've moved on to celebrating birthdays now. And the new year will fall in there also.  

This slower, more natural flow feels wonderful. More heart filling.  More joyous.  Maybe, just maybe, people aren't lacking in Christmas spirit, just maybe the lock downs and chaos of the past two years have opened our hearts and minds to what is truly important.  It isn't about shopping, over indulgence, and over the top everything.  Maybe it's about simply being thankful and celebrating all of the people and joy we have in our lives.  It's about simplicity and precious time. 

I have truly loved how this season is unfolding.  Sure I missed seeing my boy and his girl in person, I would have loved a hug, yet somehow, seeing his smiling face as he opened his gifts and enjoyed his coastal holiday filled my heart to over flowing.  He is happy.  Our girls here in town filled our hearts with love and joy just by spending time with them.  And the puppies have lead to massive quality time with our youngest grands. 

I'll be honest I am hoping to keep my tree up through the true twelve days of Christmas, but puppies might dictate otherwise.  I am looking forward to gathering with more of my friends and family.  And I am simply enjoying the calm and peaceful moments that the puppies are allowing. 

Has anyone else discovered these feelings?  I feel like I am finally waking up from an over indulgent, depersonalized day dream, and that reality is so much more beautiful than the fantasy.  

I hope that all of you are enjoying this time, celebrating all of the gifts that life has surrounded you with, finding time to rest, relax, reconnect.  I also hope that you are planning to take those beautiful gifts with you forward into the coming year. 

Time to dash, puppies will be waking soon and I have a few orders to finish.  

love and peace...