kaleidoscopes...

Do you remember the distinctive sound of the kaleidoscope when you turned it.  The soft sound of the bits moving into another form of themselves? I know they still make them, I saw one at the End of the Commons, when we visited there.  I actually almost bought one.  My fingers slid softly over it, I didn't understand why I was being drawn to it.  

Yesterday, our personal kaleidoscope flipped to another scenario again.  We are in a holding pattern, no surprise there.  I almost have to laugh.  Growing up a military brat, becoming a military spouse and now the wife of a veteran there is a phrase that you hear often.  Hurry up and wait.  Funny how true it is. Even once you move into the civilian world.  And we are currently navigating both worlds and hoping they line up properly.

Hubs shoulder is a bit more of a mess than we thought.  Correction, it is a lot more of a mess than we thought. The original fix is off the table.  When a surgeon informs you that they wouldn't consider it for a member of their own family, you probably need to listen.  But of course there is always a plan b.  And Plan B it is.  We are waiting to find out when the schedule will allow it, but Hubs is going to have to have a reverse Shoulder replacement.  Part of it sounds far more intense, but a bigger part of it sounds like a far better solution with an incredible outcome.  For today we wait. Did you hear it shift?

There have been a lot of shifts lately and I'm just trying really hard to process them all.  

Around 10 years ago, I had the absolute great honor of getting ready to opening a new facility.  With what was arguably the greatest team of people imaginable. It was bright, welcoming and beautiful.  We worked together so well, laughter was usually the language of the day. Shortly after returning home from Pennsylvania, I received word that hurt my heart.  It was something I have expected since opening day, but dreaded seeing just the same. 

I don't have words to describe the sense of loss of something that I walked away from a very long time ago.  But it was there just the same.  As I read the texts, and talked to one of the people that had been part of our team, tears streamed down my cheeks.  That building was very significant for me.  I put far more blood, sweat and tears into it than anything else in recent memory.  It ate up time I could have spent with my Dad as he was dying, it took precious time from my family and it was all consuming.  

I've spent the past almost two weeks processing, coming to terms with something that I always knew was inevitable.  I am going to make time soon to go visit before it closes for good.  I will probably take a few pictures to remember it.  Who knows.  I haven't been back since I left, it was far too painful of a feeling.  It had been very important to me.  I fought hard for it.  I gave up so very much.  I remember sitting in my office sobbing when I found out I was moving to a different location.  It was so very important to me. As with all things, I put it behind me.  Allowed time to seal it off from my memories.  Moved on with life.  Now all of it is a bittersweet memory that occasionally comes to visit.  

Most of that incredible group of people have either scattered or passed away.  Time does that.  Some live far away, others live close, but the tie that bound us together has frayed.  It definitely breaks my heart to think of it.  At the same time, I am so incredibly grateful for that time.  For the people.  For the opportunity.  For the memories that will continue to seep through as time goes on. 

Yep, that kaleidoscope definitely shifted a lot with that news, moving forward and snapping backwards, trying to focus itself. 

My life is so very different now.  It's calmer, things rarely send our kaleidoscope spinning.  Right now, it's not so calm.  It's moving fairly rapidly, bringing the next beautiful lens into place. There are lessons we are learning, opportunities that we are taking advantage of and others waiting to be explored.  There is healing, adjusting and restructuring taking place all in the same breaths. 

At moments it feels exciting, at other moments it all feels overwhelming, and unsteady.  For people that thrive on steady and rhythmic flows to life... well... let's just say our cheese has been moving around a lot lately. 

I'm working on something that for me feels big.  It feels a lot like the feelings of opening that facility felt.  There is uncertainty.  There are doubts and questions.  Yet, each moment feels like another step forward. 

Conundrum is the word that snapped into my mind this morning around 5 am, and it has been living there ever since.  I was sitting and knitting, watching the needles moving swiftly around my fingers, laughing at the remains of polish that I am hesitant to removed because I don't want to damage my nails. The bright red tips clashing with or complimenting the deep forest green yarn of my sweater. 

Conundrum.  

It was there the entire time I was doing yard work, cleaning up the kitchen and showering.  Like a drumbeat.  I'm sure it will linger a bit longer, until I figure how the next steps in what I am considering.  It's pointing out to me the absurdity of what I am thinking of.  

I am a deeply introverted person.  At the same moment, I absolutely love people.  

Sounds like a great theme for a drama or comedy doesn't it.  Instead, it is simply the story of my life.  It is where the stumbling blocks lie. 

Maybe tomorrow I will have more answers.  Maybe the path will be clearer.  But for today... I have peppers to harvest.  Some will find their way to the dehydrator to make a unique pepper flake mixture.  Some will either be pickled or candied - haven't decided yet.  I have seeds to plant while we have this freaky extended summer.  And I have a list of other things.  All of them will lend themselves to the next part of the journey.  The question is how... 

Darn there it is again... Conundrum... 

Gotta run... 

much love, 

b

confused...

Are we turning a corner?  Does anyone else have moments that find them scratching their heads and feeling like they have entered the twilight zone? Or is it possible that I have finally slipped into a space where the people that are entering my life and that I am spending time with are truly kindred spirits?

Strange conversations, activities and interactions keep happening.  The people that I randomly encounter and have conversations with are more aligned than ever and no they absolutely are not all 60 year old women.  

I think that is what seems so surreal.  Hubs and I were at Costco a few weeks back.  And anyone that has every spent a minute knows he does not know a stranger.  AT ALL!  He struck up a conversation with one of the young ladies doing samples as he often does.  The conversation became so lively with others at her station joining in, and other customers also.  It all revolved around how no one knows how to cook anymore, the loss to the education system where home economics and shop classes rarely occurred anymore, where kids learn odd social constructs but not basic life skills,  and how little useful information was being taught. 

You can imagine how the conversation went and grew.  I do have a passion around this topic so it was absolutely incredible to listen to it all.  I can honestly say my jaw almost hit the floor when the most passionate woman in the group mentioned that she was only 23 and that she would NOT be sending her kids to public schools.  She wanted them to learn true life skills and have a productive future.  Another of her co-workers piped in with the same thoughts and concerns.  What?  Huh?

More and more of my neighbors are gardening, I run into folks randomly that are creating gardens, learning skills, searching for ways to learn skills, I find myself deep in conversations about canning, food storage, where to buy quality, chemical free products.  It's absolutely mind-boggling.

I've already shared that my youngest grand-daughter had presented me with her skills wish list for the summer, she wanted to learn to make butter, applesauce and lip balm.  Seems there was something else, but my over stimulated brain is struggling to remember it. 

We started on her list a couple of weeks back.  Butter, lots of it!  At nine years old she is already building her own box of skills, and this gramma couldn't be happier. Who cares about messes?  Not me, they can always be cleaned up.  I care about the memories, the future, the carrying forward of things that society seems to be trying to erase. She was into gardening a few years ago, but made herself sick to her tummy eating all of the cherry tomatoes she grew.  She's boycotting the garden now, but I feel she will come back around before long. 

Last night I was wrapping up the current batch of butter, methodically, slowly, enjoying the journey. Smiling as I looked in the bowl at each step, watching it turn from a thick, heavy raw cream into the soft yellow butter.  No extra ingredients, well until the salt in the final step - because I prefer salted butter. As I squeezed the final drops of buttermilk from my butter my mind slowly wandered to the possibility of either finding an antique butter board or directions to make my own. As I shaped it and put into the mold, I was enjoying the feeling of producing the butter for our use.  Knowing I've eliminated the chemicals and created something that is good for us. 

A series of pictures popped up in Facebook feed from 10 years ago.  It was her older sister at just 10 years old sitting in my sewing room learning to make a skirt for herself.  I remember that day so clearly.

Driving that same sister home from work the other day, our conversation started going into territory that I was not expecting.  When she started to tell me that she is old fashioned and feels that things are spiraling out of control, that there is a lack of morals and consequences for behaviors, that we needed to go back to how things used to be, I was stunned.  What?  Again, HUH?

I was reading an article the other day saying how young folks are shunning electronics and all of the distractions that have been thrown at them since they were young.  How they are craving a 90's childhood experience.  I can't say that I don't agree with them, although I would probably say a 70's childhood is even more wholesome and needed. I can't wait to see bikes littering lawns, and hear laughter as kids gather under streetlights playing with sidewalk chalk.  Of to see kids splashing in puddles after the rain, looking for fireflies at dusk. Mom's and Dad's gathering in the front yards enjoying conversations and a beverage while the kiddo's play.  Be still my heart. 

In a different moment I read an article about young folks buying up the old motels that line almost every back road around, silently sitting there reminding those of us old enough to know of simpler times.  Of road trips with the family to quieter spaces and quality time.  They are breathing life into them.  They are encouraging folks to relive those moments, that peaceful, slower life. I would love to own one of them myself.  A space where the rooms are unique, not cookie cutter and cold.  Where folks could gather outside in the evenings around a small pool or fire pit and talk about their journeys, destinations or simply dreams. 

For a while Hubs and I had dreamed of owning a B&B.  There was always a reason not to.  I could definitely enjoy rehabbing and owning a small roadside motel, where the vacancy sign let you know if there was a room to rent at the end of a day spent exploring those roads less traveled.  Where there might be a fresh snack, not some prepackaged vending machine crap, and a pitcher of cool fresh water to help you relax.  Where a friendly smile and comfy bed waited for you.

I sure hope their dreams catch fire and lead us all back to the slower times. Maybe the old bowl and pitchers will make a reappearance.  My sister sent me a link the other day to one that was for sale, a bowl and pitcher, not motel, I almost bought it.  I love them, they remind me of simpler times, or slower times. The only thing that stopped me is I am trying to declutter, not add to the clutter. 

The farm where I buy a lot of my milk, eggs, meats and veggies among other things is another reminder of the slower, simpler life that I am drawn to.  I love my weekly trip to pick up my order and before long I think Hubs and I will drive out to the shop itself, instead of just relying on the weekly delivery.  Although I adore the folks that deliver everything.  I kept seeing the pictures of their shop and knew that I needed to go in person, I needed to experience the whole process. 

Last week I got a message, the delivery team thought that I had left my glasses at pick up.  It wasn't me, but the fact that they went out of their way to reach me, was powerful. I am pretty sure Walmart, Schnucks or any of the other big boxes wouldn't care less.  They'd even offered to pay for the replacement if they weren't still where they had left them.  Again, what??

Each time I log into their site I find something new added.  It doesn't all come from their farm, it comes from a collaboration effort of farms and people that are so much like myself.  I'd  wished it wasn't so far, it is a community I could lose myself in.  I wished there was something similar closer, instead of huge corporate groceries and shops.  I want mom & pop.  I want real.  I long for real, real everything, not just some of it.  All of it.

Yesterday, Hubs and I made the trip out to Leaning Oaks Farm.  It was only 50 minutes or so, it's out in the middle of absolutely no where.  It's perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  I adore their little shop, we'd only planned to pick up a few things, we bought far more, as it was there to consider we just had to.  The wonderful woman that owns the farm was sweet enough to have the meats that we wanted packaged and in the freezer for us. One of the cows that's had a difficult time since giving birth was lying in the field just beyond the shop, chewing on her hay, watching us.  There was a beautiful farm kitty sitting there, enjoying the sunshine, soaking up the goodness of life. 

Hubs isn't always going to be on vacation, we won't always have time to run out to the store, but we will definitely go back.  I really needed it.  I still do. 

I am focusing hard on creating what we need.  Not rushing to a shop or a big corporate place.  I'm working on Hubs' sweater for example. I want us to have quality, not quantity.  When I finish his sweater it will have over a hundred hours in it.  I'm okay with that.  I know it is 100% wool.  There is nothing else in there, it isn't even dyed.  It is being custom made for him.  He won't run into someone else wearing the same thing.  Ever. The soft fiber calms my soul and allows my heart to rest. And I think of him with each stitch.  It will truly be made with love. 

I don't truly understand what is going on.  I can truly say I am excited for it. It feels like an under current of people realizing that faster, quicker, immediate isn't always better.  It feels like a movement is being born that slides beneath the veneer of today's world.  A movement of people like myself, people that long for simpler, quieter, slower.  Where slow meals, meaningful conversations, good ingredients, quality, truthfulness and kindness still matters. 

anyone want to stoll along a beach?

How are these people, these moments showing up deeper in my space?  Is it because I am intentionally moving deeper into that life?  Is it because like attracts like?  Or is there truly a change happening.  

maybe take a slow walk in the rain?

I wish I knew, I wish I had a crystal ball to give me all the answers.  Sometimes I hate waiting for things to reveal themselves.  The calm I am feeling is giving me hope, the things I am witnesses are unfolding like a promise.  I'm here for it, I want to be part of that kind of movement.  I want to be part of doing things for the greater good, I'm tired of this rat race...

Anyone else noticing this?  Am I the only one? Surely not? I have some other thoughts that I need to share, but I am still processing them.  Still making sense.  So much is going on, so many things feel like they are turning.  Are we at a turning point?

much love, 

b

easily distracted...

I'm fairly certain I should never be left to my own devices, especially in a home filled with everything to feed my creative mind. For almost a year, I've been daydreaming about making a lighthouse for my garden beds. The passion developed after seeing the one my daughter had at her lake house.

I used to make garden decorations out of clay pots what seems like a lifetime ago, there are still a few random half painted small ones stuck on shelves. But as usual, I moved on to something else, never quite circling back.  To make things even more enticing, my daughter gave me a box of gardening pots, peeking out of the box were several clay pots.  

For the past few days, I have been completely wrapped up in creating.  Digging out supplies from various spots that I had hidden them. I still needed a few pots and sauces to finish the lighthouse shape, easily solved by a quick trip to the garden center. 

One of my sisters planted an idea in my head yesterday, one that I cannot past.  I am probably going to make a trip to the garden center for a few more pots.  I am not going to be able to get it out of my head if I don't.  I need to make that lighthouse, it needs to leave my mind. 

Glowing in the darkened garden

Puffin Pass sits in the lower garden area

Somehow in the midst of all the painting, I am still keeping up with the gardens, canning, freeze drying, quilting and all the other things that drift in and out of my thoughts and life. 

If you have never made your own maraschino cherries, I'm going to highly recommend it.  I made two types, one with Luxardo liquor, perfect for old fashioned. The majority of the jars are alcohol free, these were made primarily for my sweet dragon. She loves them. 

I am finding myself in such a peaceful space.  I am feeling the world changing all around me. The quiet space I'm creating is calming.  It's peaceful.  

In the cooler early hours the morning, Hubs and I worked on our yard.  Neither of us can handle the extreme heat, so we are thankful that the current heat wave has started to fade.  I managed to get all of the flower beds weeded and Hubs was able to fertilize the yard to help it deal with the extreme heat of summer.  I'm questioning why they even sell fescue in this area, as it is a cool weather grass and our weather is definitely not cool in the summer.  I find I question a lot as I age. 

For years I have ignored our lower yard, I'm fairly sure I have mentioned that.  It just didn't draw me in, it didn't invite me to spend time there, so I never really put energy into it. Each bit I put into it, tempts me to do a bit more.  To create a private small paradise. 

While the creative side of my heart is filled creating this personal space, my mind is filled with something entirely different. 

Lately, probably as a result of watching everything around me, I've been pondering the immense disconnect and lack of true community spirit that seems to be spreading. I am not usually an overly outgoing person, I know that I am completely comfortable alone.  Yet I do enjoy people.  

A neighbor reached out on our neighborhood Facebook page, sharing that she was a widow and newly retired, feeling a bit lost without a support group.  While out of town last summer, I couldn't reach Hubs for hours and the only neighbor I had contact info for was not in town for the day, the stress was incredible.  Yesterday listening to a podcast someone asked a question about what do you do as an "elder orphan". I think it struck me hard, simply because the point was being driven home that we do not have the communities we used to have.  The connections. 

There is something positive to be said about the old fashioned small town mindset.  I grew up on military bases, same kind of mindset. You shared skills, you supported each other, you were there when someone needed something.  No one walked alone.  

In that past few months several of our neighbors have moved (I never even met them), new families have moved in.  The last few I have made it a mission to get to know, even striving to learn and remember names. Baby steps. I am forcing myself to step out of my bubble, to create connections with the people that are in my immediate area.  To support those around me in whatever way I can or feel comfortable with. I'm still basically more comfortable alone. 

I now babysit a pup during the day, so her mommy can go to work without worrying about her being alone. She lives a few doors down. I've helped neighbors with their yard work, Hubs and I have pressure washed driveways and sidewalks.

I don't know why I'm feeling drawn to reach out, but I am.  A couple of our neighbors would like to get together to make fresh pasta and have a dinner together.  I love this idea, strangely.  I feel like many are starting to long for that sense of community.  Maybe we are moving past the closing our doors, putting up barriers?  

Only two are actually mine

For now, I'm going to continue taking small steps.  Creating beauty all around me.  And finding a way to create community.  I feel quite strongly about it.  I don't know why... I just feel very drawn to do it.

What do you think?  Am I losing my mind?  Is the world changing so much that I am grasping at the past or is there actually a need in this crazy world for us to come together, to stop all of the division?

Time to get back to work... I will ponder this later.... besides, I need to paint another lighthouse...

ordinary...

After a cold and dreary Sunday it was wonderful to wake up to clear skies.  Everywhere you turn there is vibrant color and that beautiful sense of rebirth.  I always say autumn is my favorite, but then spring arrives and I seriously question myself.  I cherish the awakening.  Don't get me wrong, I love winter, it just seems to go on a bit too long. Summer... well, summer is what it is.  I love it for the growth in my gardens, for the opportunities to spend time on the river with my grands and pups.  It's just so muggy and hot here in the Midwest. If it mother nature could just tone it down a bit... oh well... life is what it is and you have to take the good with the bad. 

We were blessed to have time individually with both of our grands and our girl this weekend.  It was so much fun.  That little one has impeccable timing and called for us to hang out just as we were heading to MADE to pick up her ceramics. Quick detour and we had the little in tow and a different plan for the afternoon.  Because when you are bringing her along, you simply cannot just pick something up.  You definitely need time to play and explore.  Which is exactly what we did.  We of course had to stop for her ice cream flight at her favorite spot. If you are local to St. Louis, we highly recommend the ice cream flight at The Fountain on Delmar, they have lots of grown up options also.

how to contain a dragon

pondering her pot

ceramic bowls by the dragon

One of the crafting opportunities was to make macrame hanging baskets, and one cannot make hanging baskets and forget to put flowers in them.  So a quick stop at Home Depot on the drive home and we were ready for her to plant. And of course we had to make a special one for mom, that would last longer. 

the treasure for Mom

My gifts from my girl

Grampa's gift

When we drove her home our girl took a break, she is in the process of changing her house, she is a complete whirlwind when that happens, so the hour with her was also priceless. 

We'd wanted to take our little dragon to the earth day celebration, but it was insanely packed and none of us had the emotional desire to put ourselves in that position.  Hubs and I headed out to go alone on Sunday morning, but heavy rain started just as it was about to start. 

We quickly switched our plans and ran other errands and such. I had gone to a local garden club pop up and decided to buy some perennials.  Lots of perennials.  Today will be a day of planting, or at least starting to. After surveying the grass that is coming up we determined we needed more seed.  We have a few areas where there is a combination of birds and washout, we are determined to have a pretty lawn where that tree used to live. I'll be heading out in a moment to do more patching to the green. 

The oldest grand sent me a text message to ask for a ride home from work.  It was awesome to pick her up with one of her favorite beverages in hand and sit in the car chatting for far too long!  It feels like forever since we've just talked.  I felt blessed in ways there are no words for. We talked about everything imaginable and then realized we'd killed the time between her getting off of work and heading back for a staff meeting.  Not a problem, we talked some more while we drove back to her work.  Hubs was napping and I rarely get time with just my girl.  I cannot tell you how much I have missed that. She and I used to spend many hours together, traveling and doing, just the two of us.  Then she grew up, darn it, they always do. 

Our boy sent us pictures out of the blue, I miss him something terrible, but he has his own life to live.  They look healthy and happy, a mom simply cannot ask for more. I might have memorize the pictures by now I've stared at them so long. 

Beau trying to guilt dad into more treats

Not sure why we won't move up his med time
he has decided it is "snack time" and he was ready

All in all... this weekend didn't go at all as we'd planned.  But we caught up with kiddos, ran into friends, did some errands, relaxed and enjoyed life.  I am not sure it can be much more perfect than that. 

Today is the day for catch up.  I am looking for the birthday gift request from the oldest.  It has to be perfect ya know (I love what she's asked for too!).  Doing my chores, gardening, cooking, finishing orders, basically I'm living my everyday, ordinary, amazing life!  

I hope this last Monday in April, brings you the start of the perfect week.  One that might have a few opportunities to switch it up and move forward.  I am starting to treasure those instances. 

love and peace, b

There was actually a blue bird visiting

how have you been?

This morning as I was doing my chores, I felt a strong urge to write.  Goodness, it's been a long while. Almost 4 years ago my life took a dramatic turn, a shift. Unplanned, unexpected and suddenly.  One of the greatest gifts I have been given in life.  I find those that fall in that category are usually the best.  A sudden ending, when you aren't brave enough to admit something is not serving you or your life.  When you can add up all the things it's cost you, but you don't have the courage to walk in another direction.  When God steps in and gives you the push you desperately needed, but didn't realize it. 

Endings are nothing more than a chance at a better beginning.  We just often find ourselves blinded in the moment.  Not realizing that the door that slammed shut was because it wasn't serving you. It might even have been causing you harm that you couldn't see in the moment. 

My days have fallen into a beautiful routine.  I'm no longer trying to be a wife, mother, grand mother and homemaker while still being stretched to my absolute limits in a thankless world. It's an incredible feeling to walk in the path you are meant to walk. 

I don't write much anymore.  Not because I don't want to, but because the world has become increasingly more unstable and angry.  Something I really no longer have the need or desire to participate in.  If I do write it is strictly for me, and that alone is very rare.  Although I do miss it.

Today the urge was too great, with a cup of hot coffee, I felt ready to write.  After all the kitchen is cleaned, laundry folded and ready to go upstairs, everyone fed a nutritious breakfast and the doors are open to allow this beautiful day to flow in.  I'm ready.

I've already put the first bit of grass seed down and covered it, so much as been altered in the past year that it is going to be a long season of rebuilding, I'm excited for it. I figured as long as I was playing in the mud, I'd better take advantage of the warmth this week to get my poppy seeds planted.  There is more cold weather rolling in next week and they will need it if they are going to sprout and fill the spaces left barren. In a few more weeks I will plant the cosmos, marigold, and zinnias.  A short time later will find lots of sunflowers planted where they would have never grown a few months ago. And the lilac will finally be planted in the ground.

this guy was amazing - and terrifying

Hubs and I are busy plotting and planning.  How much grass?  Should we add more raised beds?  What do we think is going to happen in this mixed up crazy time that we are moving through? The removal of that massive old bradford pear tree has left us with lots of new options.  Not to mention an enormous pile of wood to cut up for future winter fires. 

half-way there

that ground hadn't seen that much sun
in 30 years

Oddly, I have no anxiety, no stress or fears.  It feels like forever since that has been the way of life. There is a rhythm now, like a slow drumbeat.  That isn't to say I am not paying attention to things.  Or that I haven't noticed the way grocers keep raising prices.  The businesses that have struggled for so long that are finally closing their doors.  I've noticed.  

relaxing with Dad on a cold winter day

Somewhere along the way of the past 4 years a calmness has finally settled.  Our little suburban homestead becomes more solid all the time.  It's almost time to plant the gardens, last fall we planted our first elderberry bushes, we followed the directions to a "t" so with any luck we won't have to travel to pick elderberry in the future.  Hopefully this year will also find us able to plant our own mullein.  We'll see.  If not, there is always a plan "b".  As our yard is more open to sunshine now, we may plant a wider variety of veggies, then again maybe I will plant a beautiful herb garden.  I am overcome with the possibilities.

Soon I will be able to go buy my goats milk again, I can hardly wait.  I also have a local bee keeper I support and it's almost time for the farmers markets to open again.  I'm tired of the world we were living in, we don't play in that world too much anymore.  We are finding our tribe, like minded people, we are learning to support and lift up one another.  To stop relying so hard to sustain something that felt false and unsustainable.

It feels like we've been in a ship on rocky seas for a really, really long time.  And the storm is raging still, it's not over, things need to right themselves.  I think all of us have a different way of dealing with it all.  We all have different ideas of what that righting is and will be.  For us, there is a sense of peace, we aren't playing in those waves as much.  We are choosing a calmer path. 

Washing dishes, cooking meals from the best and cleanest ingredients I can find, cleaning my house, working in my yard, taking care of my Hubs and pups, being there to support my kids and grands when they need it.  And having time to create.  All of these things are stabilizing.  Soon I will head upstairs, to iron and put away laundry.  

My version of Old Town

After the chores are done, I will head to my sewing studio, I decided that I was going to make another version of the Old Town quilt that I made myself.  This one is for my Hubs.  I might be crazy, at over 3100 tiny pieces, it's more intense than a jigsaw puzzle at times.  Yet, getting lost in putting those tiny bits together eliminates room for the chaos of the world to crowd my thoughts. 

the colors for Hub's Old Town

I have some strong ideas about what I am watching unfold.  Very strong, but I'm opting to sit on the sidelines and watch from afar.  I'm intrigued, I'm aware, I'm observing.  But from a distance.  I am focusing on the world right in front of me, I'm focusing on what I can immediately impact.  I'm tried of raging and worrying through things that I have zero control over. 

Over the past few years, I have come to realize the smaller the bubble the happier you become.  I have time to laugh, to worry over my ability to recreate my Hubs favorite meals but in our own kitchen instead of somewhere we don't know what was used.  I have time to stop and observe.  Things have fluttered through the past few years, time has really stopped being relevant or even observable.  I forget things, I laugh, I move on.  So many that I speak to are experiencing the same thing. 

Birthdays, holidays and so much more sneak up and take me by surprise.  Evenings are spent enjoying old shows with Hubs, working on some little thing and chatting during the never ending pharmaceutical commercials. Seriously, whatever happened to Mr. Whipple and his Charmin, or even Clara yelling "where's the beef". Now we mute it because the endless lists of side effects from drugs they are hawking is enough to terrify the staunchest horror movie fan.  Geez, why?  Just why?

I'm toying with a few future ideas, one of which is starting another blog, focusing on living a different kind of life.  Another thing I am exploring is how to help others learn skills that are rapidly fading away, a self-sufficiency that is fading away.  I have a million other thoughts that glide through my mind while I stitch away on one of my vintage Singer sewing machines.  There is something about the sound that welcomes you to slow and daydream. 

My day dreaming often beacons me back here.  I have so many thoughts and memories recorded in these posts.  Time gone by.  I would love to save it, I often wonder if this platform will ever disappear and with it my thoughts and memories.  I am not technically skilled to save them to something else.  It's one of the thoughts that stops me from starting something else.  The technical world is not really for me.  I thrive in a simpler, more hands on world. 

I definitely don't recall planting a Pup

Who knows... the future is just that, the future. For now, the birds are calling, the pups are napping and it's time to go upstairs.  Maybe the blue jay will come back and sit on the branches and watch me sewing.

peace and love on your own journeys...

seasons...

I've just spent the last two hours preparing all of the flowers we foraged this morning to make jellies.  Red bud and dandelion are sitting on the counter steeping their goodness out. Our backs got tired so I will gather more dandelions later to make tinctures with.  Not only our backs, but my thumb is numb from pinching each of those buds to remove the green.   Pretty sure it will be days before I get rid of the slight green brown tint to my fingers and nails. 

Winter is just a restful time.  I can easily slip into creating and the non-backbreaking tasks of the year.  Springtime comes back with a vengeance. Hours were spent on Friday, rushing to beat the sunset, weeding, working in the flower beds, over seeding where the tree was, cutting back overgrowth. Only to be followed up with foraging early today.

I cherish this time of year. Although right now, I am touch envious of Hubs' nap and feel like I should have made the same decision.  I am a bit weary today.  Hours of manual work and little sleep sure do add up fast to a lack of energy.  I'm sure the sunshine on my face from the past few hours out on the deck have added to the desire to snuggle up and nap.  

As I was sitting out there and thinking I was processing so many things. My walk as a Christian for starters, things we've been taught our entire lives, watching the various "attacks" on Christians and the varying levels of truly following the Bible.  I've never been a big doctrine or religion person. I've always felt like it was mans attempt to rewrite God's will.  Adding their own spin on what is written. Sort of like a twisted version of telephone like we played as kids. Rarely did the message come through the same as it started. 

Shoot it was even happening in Jesus' time, check out the pharisees if you really want to see that there is nothing new under the sun. In this time it feels just as great as it has at many turning points in history.  I am well aware that man has had immense influence on the writing and books contained in the Bible, I am sadly aware that we may never know what has been held back from us or why.  If I had to guess... I'm gonna have to go with control.  

That being said, I will use discernment, research discrepancies and lean into those with far greater knowledge than my own. 

As the wind blew, the sun warmed my face and the clouds danced past above me, I found myself humbled that God is in control and that Jesus was the lamb that paid the price and gave us the gift of forgiveness. 

This week is going to be a busy one.  Getting caught up on chores, getting ready to celebrate my sweet Hubs.  Hard to believe he is going to be 72 years young in a week.  We are still trying to decide if we want to travel to see the eclipse or be satisfied with the 80% we are supposed to see here at home.  We keep toying with the idea.  The 2017 eclipse was incredible and watching it from our back yard was definitely a once in a lifetime joy.  

The more we think about it, the less inclined we are to travel for it.  Traffic could be terrible.  If you've never been stuck in traffic on I-55 suffice it to say wisdom tooth extraction would be less painful.  We're about 90 minutes outside of totality, that could translate into hours of traffic to watch a 3 to 4 minute spectacle. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but people are getting crazy lately.  Every trip, even to the grocery store is anxiety inducing. Add to that the added mystery of NASA sending up 3 rockets, CERN being started up on that day, and the "devil" comet making an appearance. I'm thinking folks could be just a touch edgy, what do you think?

We have started to honor the Sabbath, meaning sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday has become a special time. We have listened to incredible lessons and spent intentional time studying. It's quieter and less stressful.  I am finding a sense of peace edging in that has long since felt missing.  It used to be that we were always rushing about on the weekend.  Struggling to feel we had rested at all.  We are shifting priorities, changing times, or simply eliminating things that no longer fit. 

This is a different path for us.  

I just noticed the time.  I guess I need to take my grubby fingers (dandelions sure can stain) and get with it.  I need to figure out how hungry Hubs is and what he would like for dinner.