I don't know about you, but yesterday was definitely a struggle day. All day long. I was grumpy, out of sorts and out of motivation. It wasn't until late afternoon that I even remotely decided I would consider participating in the day. And truthfully, that probably had more to do with my silly text messages from the 4 year old. When she called to come over the world started to shift.
I'd spent the day mad at my knitting and was debating on tearing it all apart. When all of the sudden, I felt strongly about finishing it. I'm also not going to try to match the stripes, because evidently no two balls of this yarn are exactly alike. As I spent the afternoon searching for another pattern or sweater to make with this yarn I stumbled on a designer Sirdar and every sweater was done in striping yarns and not a single one matched. Oddly, I found it calming, like it was okay to not be a cookie cutter pattern. I realized that even if this isn't a beautifully, machine striped, mass produced kind of sweater, it was going to beautiful in it's own right.
I actually found several designers that didn't worry about that kind of insanity. It was so freeing, liberating. Once I unblocked that part of my mind, I was able to look at the pattern and the sweater with fresh eyes, I could see the rolling ocean that my mom saw. I could also see where I was stuck and managed to unstuck myself.
My problems were pretty trivial yesterday. I mean, I was throwing a full sized tantrum over a quilt and sweater. I have loved ones that are dealing with mountains. With family and friends in the hospital fighting for each day they are alive. My tantrum was a bit ridiculous. As I sorted through my fit, played with my adorable pups and then had multiple tea parties with the four year old and her stuffed animals I felt calmer, more in-touch with what is really important.
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| Her best workout pose/face! |
As I was cooking dinner I asked the four year old what she would like to eat, to which I was told she disliked most everything I offered. I felt I had scored a home run when she decided she would be willing to eat some noodles with butter, salt and pepper. I wasn't so sure it was a complete meal, but at least we'd come to a conclusion that I had something she liked. She'd left the food her mom had put together for her at home. I finished cooking the chicken I had prepped for Hubs and I, and even though she informed me that she did not eat that, she was quite interested in it and decided she could eat it as it smelled great!
As I prepped our plates and she helped me set the table she kept repeating how good it smelled and I am sure she was hungry because she dug in immediately. Let me tell you when a four year old praises the dinner she wasn't going to eat as delicious and that she loves it so much... well you feel like a chef at a top restaurant catering to royalty.
Hubs was super tired and went to bed early, but little one wasn't ready to go home, so she and I had so many conversations, tea parties and she helped me with the puppies, she was even planning spending as much time as possible here this weekend. It fills my heart to overflowing. A month ago, I couldn't bribe her to come over. Now she is here and happy so much it's wonderful. I'm sure her mom doesn't mind a couple of hours of peace, as little one can be a bit busy and with mom, very clinging.
I think she completely changed my mood when she asked for one more tea party before she went home, I am not sure she expected me to say yes because she actually danced to the kitchen to tell me she loved me and I was the bestest. That is high praise. It was the perfect end to a not so awesome day, and selfishly, it was all mine. I hate that Hubs missed out on that fun, but I am so thankful that it was all mine!
As I laid my head down, my prayers for those in need still echoing in my mind, I honestly felt a bit guilty for the lack of faith I had in life yesterday. I wasn't the only one, many of my friends and family had the same kind of day. Yet, I felt guilty for feeling those stupid little challenges were worth the stress and anger they caused me yesterday.
I'm starting this cloudy, cold day out on a totally different foot. Hubs stayed awake with the babies so that I could get some rest, I am in a much clearer mindset. Although I am still not happy that I have to unquilt the quilt (that might wait until tomorrow so I am ready to mentally face that challenge). Today feels like a gift stretched out before me, it feels like a cozy blanket to dream under.
I hope this day is better for my loved ones. I know the strain is heavy at times.
love and peace...
Good one! 381+
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