As I was driving along I was debating on taking the Pups for a walk at our favorite park for dog walking, but decided that was something I needed to save for a time when Hubs was with us. Besides, they were snoozing pretty darn good.
A year ago I was fresh out of the most upsetting hospital stay in my life. I was struggling to breathe thanks to the mask induced pneumonia that I was trying to recover from. My fever had finally dropped to a manageable 100, and I wasn't coughing nearly as much. Now, I also couldn't take a deep breath, nor was I awake or coherent for more than a couple hours total per day. I don't remember much about the time immediately a year ago. I remember talking on the phone with my kids in the emergency room, burning up with fever and recycled air. I remember my sweet Hubs looking terrified as he was told he couldn't stay with my and me being barely able to make any decisions on my own. I remember being angry.
I remember the struggle back to me. Using that stupid breathing contraption that hurt like sin as it made me take deeper and deeper breaths, wanting to refuse, wanting to be better without the work.
It was a long couple of weeks. Little did I know at the time that it would lead to me losing large amounts of my hair, struggles with my memory (not as bad as the fibromyalgia - but still annoying), I didn't know it would zap my energy and strength for months and I didn't know that it was the first part of a completely different and wonderful life.
Sitting here in the sunshine with my puppies playing I am so grateful and blessed in my life. In a different time I would have volunteered to help my sweet Hubs with the task he is working on this week. It's in my wheelhouse and it is doing things that I love to do. In this space and time, I will run errands and make a hot lunch to deliver in a few hours. I am not willing to do the work. I walked away from that. I will put that energy into our home and our life.
A year ago I was miserable. I hated the day to day. I was simply worn and tired, no longer wishing to be part of something my heart was no longer in and not brave enough to walk away.
Our life is different now. I am happier. I have energy for my family and friends. I am in a place that allows me to pursue things that fill my soul and to have time to raise two rambunctious puppies. To take care of my sweet Hubs so that he can continue to do the things that he is exceptional at.
Last year was full of things I wasn't ready for. Things that I "didn't have time for". As I was sitting there in my SUV, listening to the music and savoring the moments I realized that my knee didn't hurt at all, heck neither of them did. If the tire light hadn't popped on, I would have been tempted to load up an overnight bag and take my babies south to visit everyone. It has been so very long since I could say I am pain-free. Between our diet changes and my new knee, I actually spend the majority of my time in that beautiful pain-free bubble.
We don't have all the "play" money that we used to have, but we have what we longed for... balance. Hubs has his 50's wife. I am in a much better mental state. Stress doesn't really play into things any longer. We both enjoy the world we live in now.
I am so very grateful for the lessons and experiences of 2021, they gave me far more than they took away.
What are you grateful for?
love and peace...
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