weary...

An early morning walk has Pups and Hubs all tucked in for a mid-morning nap.  I am seriously debating on joining the party.  It sure seemed like a crazy short night.  Truth is I am going to sit here and enjoy the quiet for a bit, do a few chores and do some knitting.  I plan to get a few more walks in with these sweet babies, I am determined to be successful with potty training and training in general.   Other than that, it feels like it is going to be a lazy day.  I'm good with that. 

I wonder if the weariness is truly a lack of sleep or something deeper.  I am deliberately keeping myself out of the fray that is the world right now, I don't have the time or energy to participate in the insanity that is swirling around. But even keeping myself out of it, doesn't mean that I am not aware of it, nor does it mean that it doesn't impact me on different levels.  

I can't help but hear my own words that I typed in March of 2020, when I said that we would never go back to the way it was.  I don't believe we can, nor do I believe we should. So much has changed.  People have changed on a level that is deep, sadly not all the changes have been for the good.  Too many people are just plain ugly to one another now.  Each time I go out into the public forum, I find myself disliking it more and more, I find myself longing for wide open spaces and time with my own tribe.  People that I can have deep, probing conversations with.  The ones that I can bounce all the insanity of the world off of and sift through this craziness that is in ever breath of air we are taking.  To question right, wrongs, meanings, hopes and dreams. 

My dear friend came over yesterday and even though we spent almost five hours together it felt like time simply flew past and was only moments long.  We talked about so many things and both wondered about where things are going and if any sense of normal would ever return. I then got to go on a long errand with my girl and we had similar conversations again delving deep into why people are the way they are and how they treat one another the way they do.  How selecting a place to live and a life that is fulfilling and rich is so very difficult.  You never know what kind of an environment you are unintentionally walking into and the impact it will have on you. 

I am celebrating the truckers in Canada right now, they feel strongly about an issue and they are peacefully doing something about it.  I agree with them.  I am loving even more watching so many rally behind them, supporting, cheering and encouraging.  I wonder often what it will take to heal the damage that has been and is still being inflicted on us.  

It's happening everyday, I'm weary of it.  I'm tired of all of the divisiveness.  I'm tired of rules for thee and rules for me.  I'm tired of the absolute insanity and almost brain-washing methods being used.  I'm tired of people being driven to the point of no return.  I just heard of a young father choosing to end his own life.  I knew him.  I'm sad for his children. I wonder what was the breaking point, that point of no return? How many others are in that same boat?

I watched a bit of a video series yesterday that had me shaking my head in complete disbelief.  It was blatant in it's messaging and attempt to control thoughts and emotions.  So much of that is happening now. 

It's odd, as I have been writing this out, pulling these feelings out of my head and laying them down, my sleepy exhaustion is lifting.  I am feeling more energetic and alive.  When I pulled my card today, asking what I needed to know as I went into this day the one I pulled was Patience the irony was not lost on me. I am struggling to have patience.  I'm struggling to understand were humanity has been lead and how they are processing things at this point. I'm struggling to sit quietly on the sidelines and observe. 

Yet, her I am still sitting here watching it all play out, holding thoughts and prayers that in the end we will all come together.  That there will be opportunities for us to form strong communities, to lift one another up in a condemnation free way, that we will stop creating silos and stuffing people into them, like the sorting games we are taught as children.  Some day I firmly believe that we will undo the damage that has been beaten into us and be the kind, loving, compassionate people we were born to be.  Sadly, I also firmly believe that there will be more hatred, pain and loss before we get there. 

Wow, this definitely came out of no where.  I was simply going to blather on about puppies and hobbies, my heart led this another direction.  

Well... I think I will go and enjoy some peace, have a cup of tea and listen to a few podcasts while knitting.  I will let this day unfold around me with grace and joy. 

love and peace...