gratitude...

This moment in time is feeling a bit strange.  It's feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I am getting ready to head to work.  The stay at home order doesn't go into effect until 11:59 pm tonight.  I can be away from people and still work.

I am having so many mixed emotions about right and wrong. I can't see a clear path.  I'm trying.  When I said that we were doing the COVID shuffle, I meant it.  And I think all of us are doing it in more ways than one. 

Mentally, we are definitely doing a cha-cha.  Physically, holy crap!  We went out briefly yesterday.  Hub's scripts were ready and I wanted to get them before the full fledged panic of today kicked in.

Let's be reasonable here, the stores have no food on the shelves, panic had already set in.  But just the fact that people know they will be confined to their homes after midnight tonight... well that is going to add a whole new level of crazy.

I feel that we would not have gotten to this point if people had just stopped.  Listened to the requests, stayed 6 feet apart.  As Hubs was standing at the pharmacy counter yesterday a woman literally leaned over him and asked the pharmacist a question.  That not only violates the 6 foot request, but it really violates HIPPA laws.  His medical stuff, is his business and his alone.  We have simply become a society that doesn't feel common decency applies to us.

So, in order to be a good steward of my energies and to help myself through this journey, I have opted to focus on the positive.  The things that I am grateful for. 

I am grateful for so much. 

I am grateful today for a husband that loves and celebrates my idiosyncrasies.  He doesn't blink twice when I walk the house with smoking sage.  Purifying the very air which we are breathing.  He understands all the things that makes me who I am. 

The other day I asked him if my beliefs and actions concerned him, as they are a bit counter to his own.  If he'd regretted marrying someone that is a bit odd by societies standards. He just laughed.  And said nope, I assumed I was marrying a witch when I married you, so nothing you do surprises me.  I am not a witch (most days), I cannot wiggle my nose and make things happen.  I do deeply trust my intuition and things I somehow just know.  He's learned to do that also.

I am grateful for his understanding that I am a creative soul and I vibrate the highest when I am able to create in many mediums and styles.  He built me a fire to combat the cold and chill of the air yesterday.  He helped me to create my own little nest in my sitting room (yes it is ours, but I claim it!).  He gave me space and peace to listen to music that cleanses and calms my soul.  He kept my coffee cup filled and showered me with love.

I think he knew that I have been in a struggle spot.  And knew intuitively how to help me heal.

I am thankful that one of the gifts he's given me is my spinning wheel.  We couldn't afford it at the time.  I was happy with my drop spindles.  But he wasn't interested in hearing what I was saying. 

Yesterday for hours the smooth alpaca wool slid though my fingers.  I have met the alpaca this wool came from.  She is a true beauty.  I felt blessed and honored to spin her wool into a soft yarn.  To know that I will make something delightful with it. I don't know that I have enough to make a sweater, but maybe a scarf and hat set?  We shall see. 

I was a million miles from this plane yesterday.  The embers of the fire crackling, the warmth from the hot coffee, the tactile calming of that soft fiber.  The rhythmic motion of the treadle pedals spinning my wheel.

As I wandered mindlessly through the task I'd decided to do, I felt calm.  I felt grace.  I felt immense gratitude. 

During this crazy time, when the world is slowing, when life is rapidly changing.  I challenge each of you to find the grace to love, the courage to be grateful, and the love to support others through what is a very unsure and frightening time.

I posted yesterday that everything is as it should be.  I firmly believe that.  There is nothing to fear.  Fear is one of the lowest of energies, don't give in. Be grateful, thankful and live in love!