is everyone okay?

Just checking in... How is everyone doing?  Here in my corner of the mid-west a stay at home order is in effect.  I still go to my branch occasionally through out the week, but mostly I need to work from home right now. 

I didn't write yesterday.  

I overslept - something I rarely do.  I felt stressed and flustered because of it.  I wasn't ready to start working at 8, heck barely made it by 9.  As I didn't wake up until 8:10 and still had to walk the dog, brush my teeth, drink coffee (I simply do not understand how folks function without a steaming cup of heaven each morning - or 4... ). The fact that my employer is trusting me to work from home, the me inside - the people pleaser - was completely focused on making sure he got a full 8 hours minimum of dedicated work.  I want to honor that trust.  To not make them feel I am a waste of money at a time like this. 

That is simply who I am.  It's not right, it's not wrong.  It's simply me. 

Honestly that part of me is what caused a long and sleepless night.  Terrified that I would not wake up in time to go to the branch as I have said I will be the one there today.  I am tired.  Bone tired.  If I believe my Fitbit, I only slept a grand total of 4 hours.  I went to bed at 9.  How is that possible?

I am worried about people that are part of my team.  I am worried about what all of this will mean to them, I am also worried about my own personal future.  The realist that lives in my brain would NOT shut up last night.  Nothing was helping. 

We are all on this journey, at different places and in different times.  That means that just as one is coming to terms another is falling apart.  The unending changes and fluidity of what the entire globe is facing is stressful.  

I firmly believe we will come out of all of this whole.  Just as firmly as I believe that things will never be the same.  Maybe some of the strain is the fact that many are grieving what is gone.  They are in that stage of loss?  I don't know.  I can only speak for myself. 

Each day I wake up a bit stronger in my own convictions.  And a bit less sure of anything outside of my home, family and close friends. 

I am working hard to only have uplifting and positive things surrounding me.  I will admit that I have snoozed more things on Facebook than I haven't.  I need the link to the good.  I need to walk away from the negativity and divisiveness. I am not asking people to stop believing what they believe.  That is each person's right and belief.  I just don't have the time or energy to expend on falsehoods, negative energy, hatred or inflicted pain.  

I am working to keep my personal energy high.  I am working on the inside.  Not the inside of my home (whew - although it needs it) but on the inside of my heart and on soul work.  I am finding more time spent in silence and meditation.  I am laughing more, smiling more, seeking out those that are willing and able to do that with me. 

I can't change anything external right now.  I can't even really protect my team, which is what my nature calls me to do.  I can only change who I am inside and how I choose to react to things.  I don't care about anyone's politics, I don't want to hear the news except for facts, I want to find my own way through this jungle that we are now in.  I want to find love in my heart to send out into the universe.  I want to be the one to dry tears and offer a safe space as we navigate these waters. 

I firmly believe that how we treat ourselves and one another is the defining moment.  The love and grace that we give is what will be remembered.  Okay and some people will probably never forget that they could not find toilet paper.  I had an amazing time laughing about that yesterday with one of our seniors.  She had some interesting suggestions if anyone needs some. 

Be good to yourself.  Check in with your heart.  Are you meeting your own needs?  If not, start there.  Take a long hot shower each day, or maybe a soak in the tub.  Try to find that quiet time.  You know where you put down the electronics, you turn off the television.  Dust off an old hobby that has lain dormant.  I was talking with one of my team yesterday and she'd mentioned that she started a cross stitch pattern.  Something she hadn't done in years. And the peace that she had found doing so.  Do something that requires focus.  It will require you to stop worrying, stressing and resisting and allow you to simply be. Cook a meal to share with your family.  If you live alone... have a virtual dinner party with dear friends. 

Find ways to connect... one of my dearest friends is hosting a virtual happy hour each day.  It is after all still birthday month.  I am concerned that participation could lead to a slight drinking problem by the time this is over... but the laughter it is bringing me... well... I'll take my chances. 

My sweet Neeko crashed a virtual meeting with my safety team.  He was tired of mom sitting with the computer on her lap and not paying attention to him.  

We've been exchanging group chat's that have full of laughter and jokes.  Find ways to simply be!

Well, it's time for me to pack my lunch and get ready to just go be somewhere else.... I am sending love and light to you.