A million disjointed thoughts were running through my mind. Nothing was working. I was simply awake.
My guess is those thoughts that are bubbling to the surface at a speed that seems beyond comprehension are important. Why else would they wake me? Disrupt much needed rest?
The randomness is powerful. As I sat silently meditating the words that kept flashing through my mind don't seem to make sense. I kept hearing Sue telling me I come from a long line of powerful women healers and it is my destiny. Let me be clear, I m definitely not in any career path involved in healing. The sight of blood is enough to almost make me pass out. My sisters all work with healing.
I kept hearing hope.
And I felt an overwhelming need to write.
My thoughts aren't important. I am not a great leader that will guide us anywhere. I am just a single human doing my best in a very unstable and off balanced world.
So many thoughts, so garbled and tumbled. I think they are a reflection of my emotions. I am so torn with where we are right now. I can't understand my own feelings to this virus and it's purpose and impact. How do I guide others through it?
I have always firmly believed that nothing happens without a purpose. I very firmly believe what we are going through now falls into that same category.
What is the purpose? As we closed our doors with heavy hearts last night to our members, we know it is for just a moment in time. It is to allow the curve to flatten. To stop this virus that I heard a medical professional describe as "slippery". That it has been able to mutate at a far more rapid pace than expected. That is sweeping across this beautiful planet.
I don't feel fear. Not for myself. I am curious. I am trying to find my place in the unsteadiness. I am worried for people that are unable to work. At least for a moment I am okay, Hubs is okay. My children are. I haven't had time to check in with everyone. Just my immediate family. I am scrambling to keep up with this ever evolving, silent entity.
Were the fires in Australia earlier a prelude? I keep reflecting back to the pictures that started coming out as that incredible devastation was concluding. One is burned into my memory, brilliant flowers and greenery growing almost immediately in the midst of all the burnt, charred blackness of before.
My heart feels that was a promise.
We are going into a period of great change. We will never go back to where we were just a week ago. I remember our staff lunch two weeks ago and all of us sitting around laughing and talking. Of course the corona-virus came up, it's been a topic that lived in the background for months now. Almost as a whole we were saying we weren't sure what to believe, it was being blown out of proportion, even making some crude jokes meant to lighten the mood. Did we already know deep inside that levity was needed? That something bigger was coming?
I was not worried a week ago. Slowly, that has shifted. I feel it is something that we can overcome, I feel strongly in my heart that if we can globally shift into this period of self-isolation. Minimum contact, moving slower and safer that we can flatten the curve. We can stop this.
For a long time now we've been moving at a break neck speed. I have written for years about the need to slow down and savor life. I have mourned that we are not teaching our children basics, that we are becoming machine like. I myself have been one of the voices that has echoed the need to slow down, to go back to that simpler time. Has the universe been noticing too?
I giggle a bit when I read all the folks on Facebook asking what am I going to do with my child/children for months (as across the planet schools are closing for the year). Maybe I giggle because I am on the other side of raising my babies. My sweet babies are grown and living their own lives. And then I see the plethora of posts with ideas. The very ideas that I did with my kids, that my parents did with us.
We need to heal the family unit. And it doesn't matter what your family looks like. My sweet daughter loses her mind some days. Her youngest will give her as much gray hair as she gave me. Yet the love and joy I find watching her raise those children is inspiring. She allows them to live, experience things, try out life. They cook, they try gardening, they paint, they build, the talk, they laugh. It's not utopia, it's life.
Children learn in many ways. I believe that our school system is broken. It has been for a very long time. We aren't teaching kids life, we are teaching them memorization. Maybe this is here now to reset that. Make playdoh, get your fingers dirty, learn to cook, sew, maybe a few life skills. The things that we have gotten to busy to pass on.
I don't know what the other side of this looks like. I still haven't processed how I feel. I am
Things will look different. Things will feel different.
People will be different.
Oddly, I am not sensing the low vibrations that I thought I would feel. I am curious as to what this is hiding from us. But, I always feel that when the media focuses too hard on any one thing.
All I know for certain, is that we are never going back.
Those days and times are over. Take time to be more connected in different ways. Teach your children things you have forgotten, or if you never learned... I'm sure there is a YouTube channel full of ideas. Take advantage of all the virtual stuff that is being offered. Keep an open mind, help where you can, lift other's up - even if it is simply sharing something positive on social media.
If it's raining, put on your rain boots and go splash in some puddles and search for rainbows.
Be smart. Bow your head in prayer if that is your belief. Meditate. Take time to keep yourself and all those around you in a good place. Walk in the sunshine. Learn, read, grow...
The possibilities are endless, stop believing they aren't.
Think outside of the box that you have been living in. And do not live in fear.
Like I said, tons of things are swirling, so much I haven't had time to process.
Love and light everyone... I am holding space for you!
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