It slowly occurred to me that it is the end of March, somehow it flew past. I remember walking in the warm morning air as March started. I remember thinking about the appropriate gift for my sweet baby girl's birthday mid-month. I remember as the sun shone on my face the old saying... March come's in like a lamb it goes out like a lion or vice versa rushing through my mind. And thinking, well I guess we will have storms at the end of the month.
I'm gonna say that this year, March has shown us it means business! I am not even sure that a lion exists that wants to claim this mess! That week was such a defining moment... it came in with a time change - yep still hate it. There was a full moon and it ended with a Friday the 13th. As a general rule, I love Friday the 13th. I've never found it to be a bad day, I might have to rethink my thought process.
Yet today dawned cool but brilliant. I gently awoke to the sound of the wind, it was raging and pushing the impact of yesterday far to the east.
Sitting here on the last weekend of this crazy month, I have a million things running through my mind. A million thoughts that have me stressed and concerned. Another million that are bringing me calm.
I've been listening to a bunch of pod-casts and YouTube shows. Seeking understanding, guidance and knowledge. Nope I cannot tell you what the most popular show is, I have no idea. Even as I am curled up in my favorite chair, earbuds in listening to music in 852 Hz. I am not sure how I discovered these beautiful tones, but I am absolutely thankful that I have. They are so refreshing and calming to me. They are lighting up my world in a weird way, I almost crave the sound. And if you know me, that is just downright strange. I am the quiet person. I do not thrive with noise.
It's been a weekend of pleasant diversions. I haven't been on the computer, hardly at all. We took Neeko for 4 walks yesterday and one already today, he is absolutely loving the parents being home.
I haven't felt the need to get in the car, to experience anything I cannot get to unless walking. This morning, after energy work and meditation, I enjoyed hot coffee with Hubs before we took Neeks for his morning stroll. We needed, no scratch that, we wanted a couple of things from the grocery store, so I shoved my folding grocery bag into my hoodie pocket and off we went. There was no hurry, no rushing forward. We simply strolled. It was beautiful, but cool. Neeko was loving the new view and smells. And we simply chatted and observed the quiet peacefulness around us.
I have been cooking meals for us again. It is wonderful to imagine what I want to make and then start cooking. Last night the dreary, cold called for a spicy pot of chickpea curry. The kind that warms you to your toes. Brunch today were vegan breakfast burritos. And right now the house is filled with the scent of the granola that I am baking to make the crust for my first ever attempt at cheesecake. I have to admit the irony is pretty darn sweet. Who waits until they become a vegan to decide to try making cheesecake?
I have been enjoying the weekend. I have given myself permission to unplug and focus within. I had to. If I hadn't, I am fairly positive that the absolute stress of the past week would have shut me down completely.
I spent more time in panicked tears and melt down mode last week than I have in a very, very long time. I would have to say in almost 18 years. This truly feels even bigger than the change I went through then and that almost destroyed me. I can never allow that to happen again.
I am sure I am not alone. These times are unprecedented. So much is changing and super fast. Many of us, I am not alone, are worried about jobs, homes, paying bills and providing for our families. Working for a not for profit means that we don't have lots of extra money laying around for things no one ever dreamed of happening. The reality is that Hubs and I might be required to take time off without pay. That is unbelievably stressful.
And last week, it was dragging me down like an anchor on my soul. I was struggling hard. I'm still concerned. It will be tough for us if it happens. But we can and will survive it.
What this quiet weekend has taught me. That I am stronger than any of that. I needed the time to go deep inside to meditate, to putter around my house, to think and process. I am not even remotely going to lie when I say that I am enjoying the shorter days. The time to cherish all the things I am forever putting aside. Taking long walks with my boy and Hubs. They are rushed to squeeze into my day. They are an intentional beautiful part of my day.
We have a new neighbor down the street that Hubs has been spending a lot of time getting to know. He's a county officer. After speaking with him about the stress of everything and how much he was looking forward to enjoying his two days off at home, we decided to create a small care package. This has to be even more stressful for him right now. A couple of small bottles of Jack Single barrel, a few bars of homemade soap, a homemade candle and of course due to the times a roll of TP with a simple thank you note. I have to say that putting that together filled my heart with so much love and joy.
I was puttering in my sewing room and found my favorite skirt, tucked aside years ago, our beautiful Amber chewed a hole in it as a puppy. She's been gone a long time now. It was back when we barely had two nickles to rub together. I'd started to repair it, and never finished. I stuck it in the mending pile and moved on. Yesterday I started working on it again. Enjoying the slow rhythmic motion of the needle as I fixed it. It will take a bit more time.
Use it up, use it out, make it do or do without.
That used to be a favorite line.
Maybe there was a reason. I cannot control what is happening. I can only control my reaction to it. If I fight it, I will suffer. If I learn and flow with it, I will grow. Bet you can't guess what my plan is?
How is everyone doing? Are you okay? How are you growing and learning?
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