I woke up to more calls for gun control. I have my own theory on that, but guess what, it wouldn't have helped Ms. Norma. She was shot with a BB gun.
Another one of my friends wrote that we need to discover the root. The cause of the "evil" and "mental illness". I don't disagree at all. I'm wondering if we as a society are ready to rip those scabs off long festering wounds? Are we ready to have an honest conversation?
Sadly, my faith in us as humans is not that strong right now, and my rose colored glasses seem to have developed a large crack in them. A few years ago on her birthday, one of my friends attended a ball game with her children. One of her boys was shot, he will never walk again. This week Ms. Norma was shot in the parking lot after doing some shopping. Okay, it was a BB gun, and after surgery she will physically be okay. That doesn't address the pain, suffering, mental anguish, the feelings of fear that will forever be there.
When will we as a society be ready to address the problems that are leading us down this road? When do we quit accepting the lies fed to us, to distract us by the media, politicians, etc?
My friend posed the question what is causing some of this? " What has changed in our society that people think it's okay to kill others? Is it a lack of personal responsibility, entitlement, the you're always right mentality? When did it start? Is it drugs, gmo's, too much processed food? I really think it is more than just saying the shooter is evil or mentally ill, what is causing this change in so many people? We need to look for the root of the problem."
I don't disagree with her. I've watched this country change and not for the better over my lifetime alone. How many times have my friends and I played the "remember when" game. Most of the time we are joking around. Laughing about the things that we cannot believe have changed. Remember drinking from a garden hose, remember staying outside until the street lights came on, remember your dad whistling to call you home, remember laying on the back of the car seats on a long drive.
Maybe it's time to examine those things? Maybe it isn't a joke. Maybe just maybe all of the changes and rules and regulations have had a deeper meaning. Maybe it isn't about personal protection. Maybe it was the start of laying the foundation for abdication of personal responsibility.
We live in a time where no one is held accountable for their own actions any longer. From minor things, say getting into trouble at school. When I was younger, you didn't get into trouble at school. It was a guaranteed butt whooping from your parents. The question was rarely posed what did someone else do, it was "what did you do?" That's not to say that when facts were revealed you weren't believed if you were innocent. The presumption simply wasn't that you had no part in drama that had befallen you.
I held true to that with my children. They weren't innocent simply because they were my children. Yet, I would fight like the lioness that I am if you were ugly to my babies and they'd held no part in it.
But working in schools a few decades ago, I witnessed a shift. It was subtle at first. Then it became blatant. No longer was little Johnny or Suzy responsible. They might have beat a child up, but surely it was the teachers fault. The teacher didn't teach them the golden rule, the teacher didn't supervise them adequately, etc.
Is that when it started?
I read an interesting study the other day, it was about brains and how they form. The studies have proven that a baby cradled and loved from day one developed better. That children that were ignored, not cuddled of stimulated had less brain development. Are we more focused on our phones and less on our families?
Is that part of it?
Look at the food we eat, look at the obesity problems in this country (others as well). Is that part of the cause? I fear that when a grocery store had to start having an aisle labeled organic, that we crossed some scary lines. I long for gardens and farmers markets. I long for the days of herb gardens outside the door and knowing where your food came from and what happened to it. I mean seriously, we raise our chickens here in the US and send them to China for processing. I can't even wrap my head around that.
When we started to rely on welfare as a career? Did that contribute? I remember when I was younger over 40 years ago, hearing the words "I'd rather work, but I make more on welfare", over 40 years ago. Are we taking away a person's will to provide for themselves? Thereby killing their self esteem, and if so, why? I believe that when a person achieves for themselves they also feel good about themselves. I would rather work multiple jobs as opposed to feeling that I am being "taken care of".
I think that is one of the reason's I am so angry. Ms. Norma is one of the hardest working women I know. She's 81, she still rides buses and walks to work 5 days a week. You will NEVER catch her sitting around, even when she shouldn't be doing a task for safety's sake, she will try if no one else is doing it. She is so darn independent and strong. Frankly, I want to be just like her. I want to make my kids worry that I am working too hard at 81. And I want them to be proud of me as a mom and provider.
I could go on and on.
Children having children without the skills to raise them up. Now that one is interesting, when you consider in the not so distant past if you were 16, unmarried and without children you were definitely bound for being labeled an "old maid" and destined to become a teacher.
At what point did we stop teaching our children basic life skills from the time they are little. My oldest grand daughter is 11. If you were to meet her, you'd never believe it. She is old beyond her years. I credit my daughter with that. She knows how to cook, clean, care for her animals, help with her baby sister, she understands money (and will host a lemonade stand or sell her possessions to purchase something she wants). She shops in thrift stores and makes a game of saving money and still getting what she wants. Oh sure, there are moments when the modern preteen sneaks into the picture, needing the coolest phone, dying for the perfect outfit, or her need to have her hair dyed wild colors. In her short little life she has experienced some very traumatic things, if she wants her hair dyed, well so be it. The point is her mother is teaching her serious life skills.
We could go the route of drugs in our society. But that is a far deeper conversation than I am prepared to have at this point. One of my B's lost her precious son to that demon heroin. Too many today are. My question, one that I often ponder, is the greed of pharmaceutical companies the starting block for where we are today? I watched dear sweet Hubs struggle desperately a few years ago. The pain was unreal, there was absolutely no relief for him, while the doctor that caused the problem did everything in his power to deflect from it and prescribed stronger and stronger opioids in an attempt to mask the cause. I picked up prescription after prescription, fighting with the doctors the whole time. Terrified that I would come home and find him dead, simply in an attempt to kill that terrible pain. During the course of 9 months my share of the prescription cost was almost $1000, and I had great insurance that covered the bulk of the cost. Let that sink in.
So is it drugs?
Is it a giant mixing bowl filled with all of the things we want to look past? Is it a chicken and or the egg situation?
Do kids join gangs because they want to be important? Or do gangs form because basic skills are not being taught and basic needs are not being me?. Do kids not get a quality education because of the system not providing schools or funds? Or are teachers that could make a difference afraid? Is the result those same children are not able to get good paying jobs because the skills are simply not there? Or is it the cause?
Are they using guns, drugs, gangs, violence because they don't know another way to survive? Or because it's the easy way? Or did they get tired of being hungry, cold, doing without, not knowing how to get what they need... oh the list is endless.
Has anyone spanked their butts out of love? Or simply anger and aggression? Have they been taught respect? Have they been taught patience, love, doing for others?
I know my silly little blog is never going to solve all or any of these things. I know that I cannot fix the world. I hate that I am using my blog to pose more questions than any of us can answer. I want to blog about the silly hats I made my youngest grand daughter. I need to clear my heart first.
I hope this will start conversations. I pray that Ms. Norma will be a starting point for a brighter future. A future where kids are outside when the firefly's come out and a future where 81 year old great grandmothers can go pick up fixings for chili after work without a fear of being run over or shot.
I know there are more evils in the world. Heck in my own town and country. But I can't tackle them all.
I am blessed to work for a wonderful organization. An organization that wants to make a difference in this world. Last night at our kick off event, while worrying about Ms. Norma I saw our latest video for probably the 10th time. Each time it gives me goosebumps. Last night I almost cried. If you haven't seen it, I challenge you to watch it. The Y: US.
And finally I challenge all of you to please remember the golden rule "do unto other's as you would have them do unto you". Each of us holds the power to work together to make a difference. To change the narrative. Are you strong enough? That isn't judgmental at all. I don't know if I am strong enough.
I am willing to try. Are you? Can we keep the conversation going?
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