I tried to write yesterday. But I couldn't. I was angry. I was simply tired of snappy people. Youngsters that presume they know everything and show no compassion for anyone that is not connected to their cause that the are fired up and passionate about.
I was FED UP! All I could feel was that two wrongs do not make a right. When I read her snippy comment, all I could think was have you given any consideration to others? The same that you are demanding for the people you are passionate about? The tunnel vision and lack of understanding for everyone.
I read "are you uncomfortable? Good, it's about time"... what? How presumptuous. That very thought process is what causes the hurt, pain and discomfort that many feel. Guess what you don't know me, I don't know you. I don't know what journey you have taken or explored to get where you are - but I am going to guess that as you've just graduated college you haven't had nearly as many life experiences as I have. SO don't presume!
Because I know what feeling uncomfortable feels like. I know what being a true outsider feels like. I know how hard it is to make friends, to fit into new communities and groups. To learn new languages, currencies and electric. Ever plugged in the hair dryer that you barely had enough money to buy and fry it because it's a 110v and that outlet that looked right was really a 220v?
I know all too well what it feels like to have no money and dig through my sofa, chairs, car cushions etc, hoping that maybe I can afford a can of tuna to put in the generic macaroni and cheese (made with water and bargain margarine) that is going to be the dinner I serve my family that night.
I know what it feels like when you realize that the clothes that you are making your children so they can be "cool" and dressed nice, end up not being cool at all. All those hours spent only to see your baby look sad and disgusted, because you had tried your best without knowing better.
I know how uncomfortable it is to not understand the healthcare system and how terrifying it is to have a sick child and not know what to do. Or now that I do, have such high co-pays that going to the doctor takes a lot of thought.
I know how uncomfortable it is to not feel welcome in a community, a store, a country, even at times my own home. I know it is a gross, horrible, unsettled feeling. Even in my own community now, as different cultures are trying to learn to live together, I try to be sensitive. I know that due to different religious views I need to be aware of who I'm talking to and when. I also know that some of my clothing choices are enough to completely stress out a few of my neighbors and I am sure a few are convinced I am going to hell. I am aware also that some of the people that live near me are terrified of dogs - based again on religious and sometimes life experiences. I try to be very respectful of that. I will cross the street to protect their sensitivities.
I try to understand.
Just as I do not know what it feels like to have brown or black skin, people that are not white (by the way I have never met a truly white person) do not know what it is like to have white skin. I also don't know what it is like to be a red head or have blue eyes. I don't know the challenges of being tall, or having very curly or very straight hair.
At this point in my life, I can fairly reasonably state how "I" have felt being blonde, brunette, graying, short, thin, chubby, fat, with a speech problem, without a speech problem, with a chronic illness and without, definitely uncool, and probably a bit sassy. I know what it feels like to be an introvert and forced to live in an extroverted world. I know what it is like to not speak the language of the people I am around nor understand their culture.
I know what it feels like to be bullied and lied to. I know what it feels like to be hurt and damaged. I know what it feels like to have my trust destroyed, to feel lost and to feel uncertain about the future and traumatized by the past.
I know what it's like to have crazy skills in some areas and be lacking woefully in others. I know the desire to have things that I missed out on and to regret things I wasn't able to have. I know what it feels like to be poor. I know what it feels like to be comfortable. I know what it feels like to be blessed with experiences others can only dream of and I also know what it feels like to miss out on things that others take for granted.
There are many things that I have never experienced. There are many things I pray I never do. And while I cannot first hand understand any of those things, I can show empathy, compassion and love to those that are facing those things first hand.
None of us are trees, we are not planted in one spot forced to endure things that are not right. Each of us as a human being has the ability to pursue things that are greater than where we are now. Nothing stops us from doing that, except ourselves. Too many times it seems that we allow others to define our journey.
I will not take responsibility for anyone's journey through life but my own. My pride has forced me to do without things that could have made my journey easier - I own that. My work ethic is what has gotten me this far. If I am not happy with my situation, I have worked to change it. Sometimes I have worked multiple jobs, learned skills I needed to accomplish something, planted gardens to supplement a lack of grocery money, and taken "lowly" jobs, whatever was needed to not stay in a place that was making me unhappy. I have fed cows and taken care of nasty houses to make my rent in a beautiful home less.
I will lend you a hand, I will lift you up, I will encourage and cheer you on. I will do any and everything I can for anyone, except carry them through their journey.
So yesterday I was angry. Those words really ticked me off. I am tired of hearing how I have white privilege. I don't. I grew up unable to get jobs because I wasn't a minority and it would have put them out of "quota". I was told by a counselor that it was a shame my child wasn't a minority or even a member of the LGBT community, because I could have gotten scholarships for them. As it was borderline genius or not, we paid full cost. We aren't rich, it wasn't/isn't easy. So please stop with that narrative.
Everything I have in life, I have worked my butt off to earn. I work in excess of a sixty hour week, every week. I struggle to keep it all together. And no one is giving me a darn thing.
I have lived in not so nice neighborhoods and worried about what was happening. I moved.
Just yesterday I had a staff person walk off their shift, uttering profanities and being a total jerk. Why? I had asked them to do the job I was paying them to do, nothing over the top, simply cleaning a floor. I knew they hadn't done a darn thing. Their anger laced tirade about not getting ahead because I wouldn't help them, literally went in one ear and out the other. Over the course of the past 3 months I had worked to get that person considered for 2 full time positions with benefits. An opportunity and a chance. Both positions would have been something they could walk into, no questions asked. Instead they turned their nose up at both. Wasn't what they wanted. It was easier to complain, than try to do better.
Today I wake up to the news that a jerk in Las Vegas killed at least 50 people who were simply enjoying their lives. I'm sure before long it will become a gun control issue. My guess is that it needs to be a mental health issue. But what do I know. I have my father-in-law's gun hanging on the wall in my home. Darnedest thing, I have never once seen it shoot anyone. Just hangs there quietly like a piece of art.
One of my sisters shared that a friends child committed suicide. Why?
My heart is hurting. We as humans need to learn a lot of things. But all of it has to start at home, with our own hearts. Less judgement - from every direction. More love and compassion. More willingness to be the change we want to see in the world and less willingness to demand it be given to us.
I have worked hard throughout my life. I intend to continue doing that. Because the sense or pure joy and accomplishment is something I could not dream of giving up.
Today as my heart feels battered and bruised for so many that are hurting in this world. I'd like to take a moment to pray for a little less. A little less thoughtlessness, selfishness, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, judgmental attitudes and all of those demeaning and hurtful things. And a little more... a little more compassion, willingness to see all sides, helpfulness, care, love, support, dreams and humanity.
And can we please stop with the labels? Can we simply be friends? Fellow travelers on this crazy road we call life? People that at some point will need our help and at others will offer their help to us? It's not a race. There is no grand prize and plain and simply none of us are getting out alive. So why not slow down, take a step back. Fix what is wrong, treat each other with love and kindness and stop trying to be right?
There is no right and there is no wrong. It's really all somewhere in the middle...
No comments:
Post a Comment