A year ago, he was moving away to a strange place, with no family or friends near by. It was snowing to almost blizzard conditions and his big sister was driving him west. I had never been far from him, not more than a short drive. I had a lot to adjust to, my baby no longer was in the nest. Tonight as he is out with his sister and I hear grand baby down stairs with her Grandpa, I feel sadness that the time has flown by. Two weeks, feels like only yesterday when he arrived, two weeks sure isn't long. No fear or apprehension. I am sitting here seeing his shoes sitting by the stair case, they have remained there for two weeks. Tomorrow it will feel empty not to see them there. The house will feel empty for a bit, Hubby and I will adjust, but it will take a minute or two.
In just a few I will fold his laundry so that it is ready to help him pack. Yes, he could definitely do this himself. But for a few minutes I still feel useful in his life. I still feel valued and needed. I love the feeling of being able to still be his mom, it feeds my need to nurture.
I am putting together a small treat or two for his sweetie on the coast. I have felt so guilty having him home when he could have spent the holiday with her. I am so thankful she is so sweet and understood how much I really needed him home. She sent me the most beautiful tea cup and saucer. It made me happy.
Tomorrow when he heads home, I will feel sadness. I will feel a sense of loss, because I don't know when he will come home again. Or when I might be able to go visit him again. I will live in that vacuum for a minute or two.
And then I will do exactly what I have been doing, I will work on my projects, work on my house, I will take down Christmas. I decided not to do that before he left, to stretch it out just a bit longer. Tomorrow will be soon enough for the tree to come down, for snowy village to go back into boxes for another year. For the dusting and mopping that comes with tucking away the holiday trimmings.
Tonight while I wait for him to come home, I will treasure the moments. He already humored me and took our "visit" picture. Every trip to visit involved a "visit" picture. He and I, arm in arm. They are very, very special to me. Each one shows the changes in him as he went from being my little man, to a grown man. Shoulder to shoulder when we started and now he is taller than me by quite a bit. I can't share the picture, not until I have permission. I don't have to. I have it, it's mine!
He's flying back west to a job that he is successful in, school starts again on Monday, his sweetie, his home, his life, his friends... He is settled in, I don't have to worry anymore.
It's time to sip a bit more Earl Gray, I love it with a bit of cream and sugar, take a few more stitches on my sock and fold that laundry. I am gonna miss him. So will Hubby.
Although, shhhh... wanna know a secret? I think Hubby will enjoy being back to being the center of my attention. He's been so wonderful letting me simply enjoy these two weeks, not making me feel guilty for spending time with my kids, even though he couldn't. And understanding my need for them. As the spotlight swings back to him exclusively, I am sure he will be thankful.
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