Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Welcome 2014!

it's beginning...
Hard to believe a year has gone by, last New Years Day I was scheming, planning, setting goals and dreaming bigger dreams than I had ever dared to dream.  A year ago I was still plotting this blog, still gathering my courage.  I am not your typical Leo, I tend to hide in the shadows not dance in the limelight.  Last year was the start of a lot of changes for me.

This January 1, has found me feeling quieter and more reflective.  I find I am looking back more than I am looking forward.  It's the first time since I moved here in 2003 that I was able to simply enjoy the day.  Hubby and I spent most of the day resting, refocusing, watching a bit of television, working on small projects and simply being.

I am sure a lot of my reflective feelings have to do with those guys down the hall, my son and his best friend are in his room, laughing, talking, gaming and simply being young men.  It sounds so much like it has for years.  Their friendship goes back to when we moved here, and I am sure it will continue for a lifetime.  I love to hear them laugh and being silly, I know these days are slipping away.  Saturday will find his bud back east, he's in the Navy now and only home on break.  Monday will find my boy heading far west. 

The days of boyhood laughter will fade into Mom's memory.  They are both grown now, and starting their adult lives.  I have been enjoying the past few hours, filling up my heart.

This past year has been one of such extremes for me, that I feel this year needs to be more grounding.  I need to center a bit more. 

About 930 tonight the snow started falling, its the blowing windy kind.  I didn't expect it, so I sure am enjoying it.  Just as I was getting ready to start unwinding and climb into bed, those silly boys decided they were hungry.  Being the absolutely crazy Mom that I am, I offered to go out back and grill some burgers.  They both enjoy them and like I said... soon they won't be here every day for me to spoil. 

Even though my silly guy was concerned that it might be cold, I think he was pretty grateful that Mom was willing to go out and make him burgers.  I can't remember the last time I stood outside at 10:00 pm in a blowing snow grilling burgers.  I can remember my Dad, decades ago, on a snowy night in upstate New York making us omelets in the middle of the night.  I hope those burgers are something he will remember years from now.  I know he knows he is loved.  Sometimes that love is all you need to wrap your heart in when you find yourself lonely and far from home.

I haven't planned my journey through 2014... I know Hubby and I will spend as many hours as possible riding.  I will quilt, spin, knit, crochet, teach and all the other things that I have found heal my soul and center me.  I will miss my son as he moves so far away to start his adult life, I will wish my girls were closer - 45 minutes doesn't seem like much... but it is.  And I will treasure each moment.

I have so many friends that 2013 did not end the way they planned.  As I stood out back and enjoyed the snow while grilling, I looked over at our neighbors house.  I don't believe she's been home much since her husband passed a few weeks ago.  They didn't have children, I can't imagine how her heart is hurting, it's not something I can comprehend.  I thought about their moments, and I said a prayer that they filled them with love and memories. 

We all need to focus on the moments, after all our life is about living the dash... I need to learn that lesson this year.  Because it is about the dash...

Sweet dreams...
Time to interrupt my fur boys ...